The There is a Solution group in Truro, UK

But things were like what happened and what they're like now is Dean. Thank you, everyone. My name is Dean O and I'm an alcoholic. I'm Dino. It's a lovely beer tonight. And thanks for any asking me to share. And you know what? What a change someone asking me to come and share my experience junk. I know, you know, I know that I've really, and that's what I've been given in this fellowship. You know,

when I came first came around, there was people doing that

for me and I didn't realize what they were giving me, what they were giving away. I didn't, I didn't realise what I was gonna receive if I listened, you know, when I first came in because, you know, and I'd like to thank for the welcome I've got tonight as well, because wherever I go in AAI can go around the country and it's the doors are open for me, you know, and

you know me and I know you. I've never had that in my life, you know. So I go back when I came into the,

I came in and all I saw was the 12 steps in the 12 traditions. Well, people, helpful people, too helpful in my mind. And I couldn't puzzle. I couldn't to work everything out. Why? Why these people were bending over backwards to see how I was see, you know, see where I come from and see they just interested in my welfare. And that spooked me because the life I've had, it was unknown, you know?

And that happened week in, week out. It wasn't a one off thing. And I saw the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, got back on myself and try to work everything out in 10 minutes like I've done all my life and things. Things started to become apparent that there was more to a A than met the eye. Each week some more more unfolded. If I let it, if I didn't put, if I didn't do my old trick and try and smash something in 10 minutes, work it out and then

move on. And something kept me. I don't know what it what at the time I didn't I felt, how can I say I felt hopeless, but I couldn't have said to you looked you in the eye and said I was powerless because I still have my old ideas.

Didn't know at the time but my name is Ponce. Did he could see it's the mile off And

I, I took some breaking down. I hope if you're new tonight

or you still got that resistance that you just give in. Because I've had through my own experience sitting in meetings and smiling, doing what I've got to do, telling everyone everything's all right,

employers, friends, sponsor loved ones, girlfriends, and really, really sitting in pain in

a big meeting, a healthy meeting. And I tell you, there's no worse a place to be. But I, I, you or me or put yourself there, it doesn't have to be that way. Honesty was what I lacked for quite a few times in my sobriety. I was sober but

or enough freedom. I want a free man. I was sober but I wasn't free and

you know, bit deep early on in the shower, but until

till I got honest and opened up and let down that front,

nothing started to happen really. You know, I can go through the steps, I could take inventory, I can pray everyday, but if I'm not, if I'm not being honest with our man, crucially honest with my thinking, my actions, my you know, nothing's going to change nothing. And that was my case.

And it cost me, well, I said it cost me a few relapses, you know, because that pain

holding stuff was just tremendous, absolutely tremendous. And you know, I'll go, I'll go back to, I mean, I was privileged kid.

I had a great upbringing, great education and for all intents and purposes, alcoholic life weren't on the cards. You know, Irish Catholic family, you know, religious, religious upbringing. It wasn't drummed into me. It was a healthy, it was a healthy life style really

always just done enough C grade students keep everyone off the back and

I just do enough in life. And and that got me through,

you know, it came to a point where

the things I get in weren't, weren't what I wanted. You know I've heard this Sammy something out, but this is me, my dad at work seven days a week, nights for me to do extra maths lessons because I was slacking away in school.

Wouldn't it wouldn't give a damn. I just looked through the teacher and be thinking where I'd be going after this. She's giving me his tuition. You know, Christmas had come. It work, work his fingers to the bone. And

you know, it presented me with a Christmas present, whether it be a snooker table or bike or the lady, a player and a play with it for half hour. And then I'd quietly pull him to one side and tell him what he should have bought me. Now that was me to a tee. Ungrateful, selfish to the core, but yet parents being parents, their trip over themselves to to please me, to being an only child, you know, and I went through life like that.

Things would pleasing me for so long

at Kingdom I'd use them. You lose interest and then look for the next fix if you like, and then alcohol will come along and blew me away, brought colour for my life, brought a magic it. It just fired me up. You know, I often say it,

I felt like Adrian Mole. But when I had alcohol, I was like John Travolta. It brought that.

It brought that spark.

But you know, the day came when it turned its head on me. It stopped doing what it said on the tin. The love affair was was coming to an end. And

I I used alcohol essentially for the effect produced, like it says in the book, not because I like the taste, not because I liked, you know, in the end, it was my it was my functioning. It I needed alcohol to to Anisa ties me from the pressures of life and they came, which they do for all normal folk. But you know, and I think I heard Sam sat as well or someone said at a meeting the other the other week,

no one likes to be told we're mentally, mentally wired up from our folks, from our fellows, mentally different from our fellows. And I was one of them people baffled because I tried it every other way, you know, like many of us have here. And I put my whole heart into these

methods of, of, of turning my life round, you know, and, and I hear it all and I heard it all through my life. You know, she's such a sweet girl. Can't you do it for her? And, you know, because I'm in the book. That's why I don't quote the book, but I can match my inconsistencies in my travels with that book. That's why I, I know I'm an alcoholic. The hopeless, the variety described in that text. And

there's no getting away from it, you know, page by page. I'm in now. I don't, you know, I never chose to be, but thank God I found that book and my group that lives by the book and the traditions, you know,

and again, the tire, you know, time after time, I'd get taken back to that next drink.

It didn't matter. It was art broke

through what you know what what happened, what it it just this. I had this mentally consistency that

you know I'd get LED back the insanity.

You know,

I'm without a program, without direction in my life, without a, without sponsorship, without leadership and example.

I know I'm designed for self destruct. I will drink or use other substances to to anesthetize the way I feel. That is the way I'm wired up, you know, and it was explained to me, you know, I suffer from,

I suffer from an illness. The centres in my mind, regardless of the exterior things going on, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it's good, bad, sad, ugly, it doesn't matter. I will always, always turn back to, to alcohol or in my case drugs as well, you know.

But yeah,

for years I looked around and I saw others taking drink with impunity. I'd go out with my dad and we'd we'd drink a couple of pints and we'd be watching football. And I had a brilliant job in the MI 5 building with him and he got it for me. I don't know how he got it for me, but he'd look at me with fear and he'd say don't do it again tonight, son, please, with all sincerity.

And I'd look at him and I'd say, will you? What are you talking about? And I could not see the truth, the false from the truth

or could. And he knew what was going to happen. And again, it'd been wait, trying to wake me up the next morning and said, he's done it again. Why do you keep doing this? And I couldn't answer him, you know, and it wasn't, I reached Alcoholics Anonymous and it was explained, you know, that it was explained to me in great detail of what I suffer from. And once I could identify and I did so strongly with that book

of, you know, the mental inconsistencies of of Bill and Bob and their stories and the doctors opinion

so strongly that accurate. I'm not see the solution that followed. You know, when you're in that mire

and you read yourself in a book and then they present a solution to you.

Something switched on to me that I looked around that there was people that latched onto this. Why couldn't I have it? Why could I not have what you've got? And I was told if you're willing to go to any lengths to to do this, you can have it. And where I was then I looked at what I had. I just come out of a treatment center. I had two back bags, you know, and I saw these people with hope

and they were, they were willing to hurt me, but I was told there's price has got to be paid. And I thought, here we go. Is, is, is the is the catch? And I thought, you know, I've, I've got to sort out some money or something. And he said, no,

you've gotta go against the grain. You've gotta be willing to go through any lengths. And I was asked directly, are you willing? And I I was out of choices really. And I said yes, didn't know what I was gonna be expected of me, but I'd had friends in this room and they've got well and I thought would have been unharmed and they've got a good life. I said yes, I'm willing to go. And he lamps and explain myself sent in this and my, you know, my selfish. It has to be smashed. It has to be smashed and

that because I am self-centered, selfish to the core even today. But for going through this program, I've been handed tools

don't always latch on to them straight away to my detriment. But when I do, I'm a Freeman, you know. And what are they when? Because life is life. And I mean, I look around my group and I've got examples that have had tragedies,

breakups

and just family, real big stuff. And I see him marching through helping others, reaching out with dignity, even when they're, you know, the human body can take so much alcoholic or non alcoholic. And I'll see these people helping people,

friends, helping people with, with a bit of pride and dignity and selfish, selfishness, selflessness,

you know, to the and that drives me on. And when I have my problems, I can learn from that, you know, you know, and it puts my, my, my situations in perspective, you know, and I've been given quite I've been given a fantastic life in a a but my biggest problem is self, you know, when I'm in Dino, I'm not, I'm locked in. I'm going to go deeper. I can't I can't break out of that

unless I use what I've been given. You know,

do I want to help that newcomer or do I want to go deeper into Dino? Do you know, do I want to meet someone who I said I'd meet, you know, and and tell them my experience. Don't want them take them to a meeting, you know, don't want to get to my own group at 6:30. Thank you and and help set up or do I want to just stand around doing nothing? Cannot be of use,

you know. Can I get involved in service? Yes, I can. Is plenty for us to do. There's so much in this fellowship needs doing. You know my you know, I can often be lethargic. I'm a quite a lazy person. I work, I graft, but my fingers lazy. You know, my thinking is very lazy. And thank God my sponsor knows my character

and he, he often emphasizes

not to me personally, but had dare we not get excited about what we've got? You know I've come from a trembling wreck, Trembling wreck seven months ago, drinking myself to death.

You know, I went through the work again with my sponsor

and I'll tell you what, on the top of the world, this, this, you know, I've been in a fellowship six years

and you know, it's not wasted. It's not wasted because my experience can benefit others, you know, and it has done. And I don't say that to to my experiences, my experience,

but the last seven months

have been explosive, absolutely explosive. I I feel alive. I feel free again through being grounded, taking direction. Not that I always want to do it, but when I do it, I feel like 10 tenfold better, you know, and infantry so important

that I look at myself, my conduct, you know, I never looked at anything I did throughout my whole life. I was you, you, you, you. It comes back to me. It's all, it's all what I do, you know, and can I correct it? Can I move on? Today is done. Let's move on. Tomorrow is a different day. What can I do tomorrow better that didn't do today. I was always thinking about yesterday

and always thinking about Friday and missing

Tuesday. Today I can try and get grounded and live in Tuesday, you know, and I've had a fantastic sober day-to-day. I really have. Like I say that from my heart, you know, I've what I've done today is I've been free. I haven't. I haven't,

you know, I haven't raised anyone from the dead, but I haven't harmed anyone. I've tried to be useful,

you know, I've done my, I've done my suggestions. I've connected with my power today on a few occasions.

You know something indecision and hurry. Today I was caught up in something and I took 5 minutes out. I wasn't floating but I was clear minded. You know, I was going to ring my sponsor but I made a decision and I trust my I trust my decisions today. But I can think my higher power is telling me what I want.

You know, I need guidance on the ground. If I think I've got this one way line with my higher power, I'm in trouble. Bang in trouble.

You know, I need someone with experience on the ground who stood by me shoulder to shoulder, you know, all through my sobriety, my recovery, he's been with me shoulder to shoulder through thick and thin, you know, and he can only relay his experience to me.

Sometimes my mind will say, hey, you've got this one wrong. But I've never said it. I've always let he suggested actions prevail. And he's never done me wrong. He's never done me wrong. And I've never had that in my life because it was always Dino's way, always throughout my life. And then the consequences I'd live with

because of my actions and my actions were never really that good.

My mind thought they were good. But when they, when I played them out, I, it was, it was never good. You know, today, my, you know, I took my step free and my life is in God's hands. I totally believe I've got faith, totally faith. And

from a 2 bit fug loser

who self will run right, who trample all over you, someone giving my will over every morning and and realizing that it's not it's not my game today. My life is so much easier. I'm so I'm free. I feel free and all I can do is try and improve, you know, on a daily basis. And you know, I feel buzzing to beer and

I'm a lucky man to be alive. And if you're new, just grasp onto this. Listen to the people who have gone before you because they're not leading you up the garden path. They're they want you to have what they've experienced. And it's here tonight.