The Vie-tality group in Westminster, CO

Hey everybody, my name is Jason and I am an alcoholic.

And so they, they want us to come up here, talk about what it was like and what happened and what it's like now. And So what it was like for me is, you know, I, uh, I moved around a lot when I was a kid growing up. My dad was actually, uh, a preacher and we were a missionary family and we lived overseas in Spain and, umm, so

because of my dad's job, we were always kind of picking, packing up and moving and going to a new school and making a bunch of new friends. And, and there was always time to

be on and, and always be trying to worry about what you guys thought about me. What, what everybody else thought about me. Now, I, I didn't wanna ever say the wrong thing or make the wrong kind of impression on anybody. And that was kind of something that I, that I carried with me while I was growing up, umm, until I discovered drinking. And, uh, suddenly when I, when I discovered drinking, uh, it kind of took away that, that, uh, being afraid of what other people thought or, or, uh, even caring what anybody thought. All of a sudden it was like

I I was OK with myself. I was all right in my own skin. I didn't care what anybody

thought about me. And, and you know, it's like a lot of people describe it, you know, I'm all of a sudden I'm taller, I'm more good looking, I'm, I'm more buff, you know, I can talk to people and, and it was like, you know, everything all of a sudden fit and I, and I felt OK with myself and, umm, and it worked for a while. It worked for me for, for, uh, for a few years. And, and I know it was like, I started getting into trouble in like little things here and there. And I remember coming to the US, uh, when we moved back, I was in, starting in 9th grade. And I remember

I was in, I was actually in Casa Bonita and we were going out to eat and we just came back to the US. And I remember seeing that sign, you know, that says you have to be 21 years old to, to drink alcohol. And it, it's a crime to give alcohol to a person with under 21 years of age. And my heart just kind of thanked down and just, oh, I gotta wait six years before I'm gonna be able to drink legally. And it was just like this devastating blow, you know, that I wasn't gonna be able to drink and,

but, you know, but as, as a lot of you guys probably know, I figure out ways to get alcohol, you know, and, and it was just,

that was our thing, you know, we were, we were just drinking and partying and that was what we did. And I would, and I would associate with the people that did the same things that I did and that drank like I did. Uh, so it seemed like, seemed normal to me to wanna, to wanna drink all night long or drink until it was all gone. Umm, and because of that, I was drinking a lot as a teenager and it was hard for me to, umm, get any real consequences because the booze would always run out. You know, we, we would buy a bunch of these 40s and, and it would, they would be all gone by, you know, 1:00 in the morning

before anybody gets too crazy. And it's like, so,

you know, there's no problem, you know, everything's OK. Uh, and you know, and like I said, I started getting in trouble. First it's the, you know, the minor in possession charge. And then it's, you know, I'm getting two or three and four of those and I'm getting probation, you know, and, umm, and then they're putting me on probation and they're giving me U as. And it's like, uh, all right. So I'm not gonna do any, any more weed or any of that stuff, you know, And, uh, you know, drugs are part of my story, but, uh, I'm not a real big one, but,

uh, so I'm getting in into trouble and, and as, as more time goes by, the trouble starts to get worse, you know, then,

and I graduate to DUI's, you know, and, uh, and, uh, I go in for my, you know, DUI classes and I, and I remember I went to this Halloween party, like my, my favorite, uh, method to try to drink, control my drinking was that I would, I would stop at midnight, you know, and, and I remember I was at this kegger, you know, and, and whenever I'd be at a kegger, I was always the guy with the tap in his hand because I wanted to always have my cup full. And the best way to do that is to be the guy with the, with the tap in your hand and, you know, filling up the other people. And then, you know, I got to fill up mine now, you know, And

so I remember I stopped at midnight, but, uh, you know, I had drank probably 10 or 15 drinks and I came in the next day for the first alcohol classes ever on my first DUI. And it was, uh, and they were like, we smell alcohol on you. And it gave me the, umm, breath test and, and I, you know, blue hot, it was like really small numbers, but it was still enough. And they, and they called my probation and they said, uh, we're gonna get them on the Ant abuse then. And, uh, you guys don't know what that is. It's this pill they gave you, umm,

and uh, whenever you drink you, the alcohol turns to formaldehyde in your bloodstream and you get really, really sick and, uh, like throwing up and umm, so I, I, I didn't drink on the antibuse, but umm, that whole time that I was sober, I, I wasn't, I wasn't doing any of the other drugs or anything like that. I was just don't totally bone dry like we say around here and umm, and, but, but every, every minute of that, I was always, if I was awake, I was, I was telling myself, I'm gonna, I'm gonna catch up. You know, I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna, and I'm gonna really

hit it when I, when I get off this an abuse stuff and, you know, make up for the last time. And so, uh, what happened was in the same summer, I, uh, I, I, they let me off this an abuse stuff. Umm, and I went on this trip to, back to Spain to visit my friends and I decided that summer that, umm, it was OK for me to use drugs. All of a sudden, you know, it became OK for me when I was in this kind of catching up, You know, it was like, I'm going to catch up on my party and I, I'm, I'm OK now if I can do some other things. And, umm,

so by the end of the summer, I turned 21, I'm going to bars every day and I'm starting to mess around with drugs a little bit more. And, uh, somehow I'd landed myself in the mental hospital in Lewisville. It's called Centennial Peaks. And, umm, and I had, uh, I had been running away from this place and, and you know, they would say, they say, well, what, how come you're not allowed to have shoes? And I'll, and I'll say, oh, give me my shoes and I'll, and you'll find out. And they give me my shoes. And then I would like jump over the fence and take off running, you know, And then a few days later, the cops would pick me up and throw me back in there because

the hospital and, you know, would put warrants out or whatever. And, and so I remember, I'm about two weeks into this place and, uh, and I, and I found out that my, uh, insurance was gonna run out so that the medical insurance was gonna finish. And, and in my own sick thinking, I thought, OK, no more insurance. They can't pay for the bill. They gotta cut me loose, right? Umm, Well, that wasn't what happened. They, uh, they had, uh, shrink of the place. California came to me with this, umm,

bladder in his hand in into my room and he goes

and he goes, uh, you know, we need you to sign this document, you know, and you need to start doing what it says on this document. And I, and I told him, you know, basically to, you know, take that paper and put it where the sun don't shine, you know, but I didn't talk like that. I, I said we're stuck to him.

And, uh, so you know, he left, he leaves the paper in there or before he left it, before he left the room, he says, well, if you, if you don't do this, if you don't start complying and you know, and start doing everything we're, we're asking you to do here, we're gonna, we're gonna turn you over to the state. And uh, then you'll become a ward of the state and you might never see the outside of a hospital for the rest of your life. And, umm, when I heard that it was, uh, it was a serious deal. All of a sudden, you know, it was like the wheels have fallen off the car.

It was like the, the, the, the whole thing had hit a brick wall, you know, and umm, and I knew I didn't want that to happen. You know, it, it really felt like the party was over for me and that, that I, I, uh, I didn't want to be locked up forever like this guy was talking about. So, uh, that night in the room I did, I wasn't sure if I believed in God or not or, or if I really believe there was a God. Umm, but I got down on my knees and I begged for him to Get Me Out of that and I, and I, and I said, please just Get Me Out of this. You know, I'll do whatever, whatever you want me to do. And, uh, so

next morning, you know, I, I signed their document and I did what they, you know, did everything they were wanting me to do. And one of the things was to, uh, attend the weekly a, a meeting in this hospital and I've actually been back there. Umm, it was funny. I went back to the meeting and they were like, oh, you did treatment here. And I was like, I didn't call it treatment when I was here, but, uh, you know, it was, it was, it was pretty great going back there too. But, umm, so I, I started going to these meetings and you know, I, I was, I was a cross talker and I was a talk out of turn

kind of person during those meetings. And, and, uh, and, uh, but something actually got through. And I think that was, that was God reaching, reaching down and, uh, and, and touching me that for that first time, you know, we talk about and hear that, umm, God recognizes any kind of move in his direction. And I think, umm, me making that prayer, umm, was, it was answered by him putting the seed in me about Alcoholics Anonymous. I'd love to tell you guys, I walked out of the hospital and, and stayed sober, but that's not what happened. I still had to prove to myself that I wasn't an alcoholic. I had some information about a, A

and I, and I was gonna prove that I'm not an alcoholic. And, and the way I did that was I was gonna control my drinking and I was gonna count how many drinks I was having. I was gonna make sure that, you know, I was always the one deciding how much I was gonna drink. And if I was gonna drink. And I would do things like bring a pen with me to the bar and I would write on my fingers how many drinks I would have. And then I would wake up in the morning and I'd be like covered in puke or, or, or urine or whatever. And, and, and the ink would be all smeared all over the place. And I go, well, I guess that plan didn't work. I'll try something else,

you know, and so I went on like that for a few more years and I, and I started piling up more of these Duis and on the, on finally on the 4th one, they decided they didn't like that very much anymore and they, they threw me in jail. And so I, I went to do a year sentence in the Boulder County Jail and, uh, and umm, so I was in there and, uh, still didn't wanna admit I was an alcoholic, still didn't wanna admit there was a, really a problem with my drinking. It was always just those cops would just leave me alone. And if those shrinks would just quit trying to say I'm crazy, you know, everything would be

OK, you know, And umm, so I sat in this jail for, uh, eight months on a, on a year sentence. And, uh, and every day I was in there, I, I would, promised myself that I wasn't gonna get in trouble again. And I promised myself that it, that, that this wasn't gonna happen again. I wasn't gonna end up back in jail. Umm, but I wasn't going to meetings. I went to one meeting just because somebody, one of my friends in there suggested I go, uh, but I, I only went to the one. And umm,

and I remember, I found out later that this is, this is actually the, uh, the obsession

of alcoholism that they let me out of this jail. They gave me this special probation where I had to check in with them everywhere I was going, I had to tell them I'm going to work now. And then I, you know, and then go to work and then I call them up. I'm going home now. And every place that you go, you, you have to tell them where you're going. And they have me on breath test and, uh, and U as, and everything. And, uh, and I remember sitting there in my job, I'm looking at this gas station and, and the thought kind of came into my mind,

why don't you have a couple of drinks? You could get away with it. You've earned it. You deserve it. And, uh, around here that they describe that as the, the, uh, obsession of alcoholism, that, that even though I've got lots of good reasons not to drink,

but if this thought will pop into my head, that tells me that drinking is a good idea. And, umm, so, so I, you know, I, I went across the street to the liquor store and I got a couple of 30 twos and me and my friend poured them into the, you know, the cups, the gas station cup and, uh, you know, so we're drinking there on the job and, you know, and, and it went so well that, you know, I didn't get in trouble the next day or anything. And I thought, hey, you know, this is working out pretty good. But then a week later, I'm back in that same jail, sitting in the intake. It's 24 hour lockdown. You get a lot of time to think about what's going on

and I, and I'm asking myself, how did this happen? How come I'm back in jail after I promised myself all those days that I was in there, that it wasn't going to happen again. Here I am again, you know, and I had, you know, I had told myself it was OK to drink and, you know, and the next thing I know, I'm back in that jail. And, uh, so, you know, I finished out my jail sentence and, you know, and amazingly enough, I didn't get into a whole lot more trouble for a couple more years. Umm, but, umm, but just because I wasn't having legal problems, I was still an alcoholic and I still had a lot of

consequences in my life. My relationships were falling apart and, you know, and, and I was having a lot of, uh, uh, people that were kind of starting to drop off that didn't want to be around me anymore because the way I got when I would drink and, umm, until finally, uh, uh, New Year's, the first hours of 2003, I'm driving. We went to this big party where it was an open bar and, uh, and, and like a old governor's mansion on downtown Denver. And, and my friend, it was a lot drunker than I was my date.

It was like falling down and throwing up and everything. And so the valet's giving us the car and I said, well, I guess I have to drive the car, you know, because he's falling down, she'll crash it, you know. And so I get behind the wheel of a car and, uh, and I crashed into the back of, uh, umm, another car in Colfax and Grand downtown Denver, right in the top of the Capitol Hill. And that was the UI #5 you know, and I'm sitting in the back of this cop car going, how does it, you know, how come I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep doing this to myself over and over?

And, uh, so I'd already done the jail thing and I, and I decided I don't jail very well

and I, I'm not gonna try that one again. So I, I, I was starting to kinda grasp your ideas of how, what am I gonna do now? And umm, my same friend that, that I crashed her car. She said that her dad kinda got out of going to jail by going to treatment and that the judge let him do a treatment stay instead of having to go straight to jail. And I thought that sounded better than going to jail. So I went, started calling around and this one was $10,000 and that one was $25,000. And I was like, oh, I don't have $25,000 or 10,000.

And then I found one that was free. And all you got to do is go in there and, and work for them. And they didn't give you a lot of information about it. Umm, but I went over there and ended up checking into this place and it was six months long. And it was like, all right, six whole months that I, I don't have to be in jail. Well, I, I'm in there for about the 1st 2 weeks. And, and my plan was that I'm just gonna lie to them like I'd lie to everybody else. My, my whole drink. And it was always, I'll tell you what I think you wanna hear if, if that's gonna get you to layoff me and leave me alone about, about my drinking.

And, uh, you know, and they, they pretty much saw right through me and they said, you know, you got to, you're going to have to get a real program and you're going to have to get honest about what's really going on with you or we're going to kick you out of here, you know, and umm, and so I'm in there and, you know, they're telling they're getting ready to kick me out for, you know, just not doing anything. And umm, I remember sitting in one of these meetings that that they would bring into the treatment center and the guy was talking about alcoholism.

And I remember what I used to do when I was sitting in these meetings and the people would talk and, and they would be describing their drinking

and I would, and I would look, you know, kind of listen to what they were saying, but I would wait for something about the speaker to be a little bit different than me. So I could point the finger at that person and say, I didn't do that. I'm not like that person is, I'm not an alcoholic. And I would just kind of close off my ears and stop listening. Uh, well, finally I'm in this place and this guy's talking about his drinking, right? And, uh, and he was actually talking about waking up in a puddle of his own urine. And I thought to myself, all right, well, this guy wouldn't say that just to impress me or to make me feel better

Orchard. So like make me feel more comfortable. That's probably something that that really has happened to him. And so, and then my next thought was, well, here he is. He's talking about it and it doesn't embarrass him to, to say that. And, and it was like, and that's happened to me a few times and that really embarrassed me a lot. Umm, and, and I, and I just kind of was enough to shock me into listening to what the rest of what this guy had to say, which is the message of a, a that I didn't have to keep on living my life that way anymore, that I didn't have to keep on doing those kinds of things and that whatever

consequences look like I didn't have to keep having them if I, if I was willing to grab onto this program and, and, and do some of the suggestions that we have. And, umm, so pretty soon after that, I started, you know, getting, getting around the people that were doing the deal and in that place. And,

and as soon as they let me out to do some outside meetings, I, I am not, uh, I met this guy and asked me, asked him to be my sponsor. And, uh, you know, we started this process of, uh, of sitting down and, and, you know, doing the steps, uh, the only way I know how, which is to sit down and, and read the book Alcoholics Anonymous and, and discuss what it says in that book. And he would explain to me how it, how it related to his sobriety and how it helped him. And he would, and he would take examples from his own life, umm, and, and how they related to what the book was describing.

And then when there was instructions, he would ask me to do some things and, umm, you know, and, and through that process, I started to, started to get this, this recovery thing. And, umm, I wanna describe all of my step words, but, uh, but a couple of them that were really kind of like, like game changers for me. Umm, the four step, Umm, I don't say this to scare you guys, but just so you guys don't make the same ma mistake that I did if you haven't been through it. Umm, I, I, uh, I was 1/2 measure. It says half measures available, nothing. And that, and that's exactly what I did when I first got to the four step

and over all the instructions and, and we sat down and talked about what I was supposed to be doing. And then, uh, and then I went back to, to the treatment center where I was staying at to, to work on my four step. And, umm, there's a part in that, in that four step that asked me some questions about what's my part where it says, umm, uh, where had I been selfish, dishonest, inconsiderate and afraid? And the way that I was working, it was, where had I been selfish to sign us inconsiderate or afraid? And there's an important difference between the word and, and the word or, and means I gotta answer all those questions

and I got to put all those words into a question form and make an answer for it. Or it means I can pick and choose whichever one I want. And, uh, I was doing it like or, and I was picking and choosing and saying, I all right, I might have been selfish here. And then I would answer and I would move on. Well, my sponsor didn't, didn't really appreciate that I was doing it that way. And he was this big guy. He was about, uh, 250 lbs and six foot five. And, uh, and I remember I sat down in his apartment to read this half measured four step to him. And, uh,

I start reading it, you know, and, and he, and he jumps up out of his chair and he grabs a notebook out of my lap and he says, this is bull. You didn't do any of what I asked you to do. You need to answer all of these questions. You need to answer everything and find an answer to each one of these defects for each one of these resentments. And I remember him. He's and he's yelling at me and it's like, I know he's bigger than me and I know he's sober. So I, I wanted to punch him, but I, but I knew that that wouldn't be a good idea because he'd probably beat me up. So I just sat there and I, and I listened to what he was saying,

which was that I was either going to do this program the way it's described in the book and answer all those questions, or I could hit the road and I could have my misery back. And, uh, so I left his place and umm, you know, up until that point, the 4th step was real easy, but after that, it was difficult and it was hard for me to find all those answers to those questions. When I started asking people around me, I, I would look for the people in that treatment that were also on the four step and ask for their, their help. And if I was confused about something, I would call up my sponsor and I would ask him, you know, how do I do this part,

you know, and, and I started really putting the effort into it that I needed because the, the lying and the conning and the manipulating wasn't going to fly when it came to doing the work of this program that, that con wasn't, wasn't going to be able to, uh, to fly with, with doing this work. And, uh, you know, and so I, I got through that part and, uh, you know, and did, did it as honest as I could. And, uh, you know, and, and I started to grow, but, uh, for me, it's like I, I didn't feel better right away. I might have started to change a little bit, but it's like the book talks about that the

of the newcomer notice before he does. And that's kind of how it was for me. I was still kind of walking around in my own head calling my, calling myself a piece of garbage when, when really I was growing and I was, and I was making some progress. Umm, but, but when I finally got to that nine step part and I was going to make those amends to people, umm, really amazing thing happened when I was going to make amends to my mom and dad and, uh, I had, uh, I, I've done some pretty odd stuff that I might, you know, pretty much milk them for all I could with, with money. But, uh,

but I'd also, umm, basically made them a criminal by association. I would run, you know, I'd, I'd skip my court dates and then I'd be staying in their house and I'd have court, you know, warrants from this county and that county and the other county and, and you know, therefore they're harboring a fugitive by me even staying in their house. Umm, so when I go to make this amends to them, you know, the way my sponsor described it and I, I tell the person, you know, here's what I did to you and I'm sorry for doing that. And then I say what can I do to make this better?

And then I shut my mouth and I listen to what that person has to say. And, uh, my mom,

she says to me, umm, you know, just keep doing what you're doing for your sobriety, Keep, keep going to your meetings and doing all those things that you need to do for sobriety because we missed you when you were out there wasting away your life, you know, and, and for the first time ever, it was like, I, I can really, I can really do this. You know, I can really be one of those people that I hear in the meetings that enjoy their lives and that, that are getting the most, the most that they can out of this program, you know, and umm, and so from there on, it was like, you know, I was, I, I got on fire with a A and, and was kind of riding

cloud that we talk about, you know, and, and things were really great and a lot of the outside circumstances of my life started getting really good. You know, I got some, I got, I got a treatment center. They gave me a job with the, with the same people and, umm, you know, I had a job. I went back to, uh, to college and got my degree. I got married and, and now I have two beautiful daughters, umm, that I've never seen you drink and umm, you know things you started getting better and better. Umm,

but they but they didn't necessarily say that way. It was. I kind of got to this place. Umm,

of, uh, of complacency where I was, I was not doing as much as I had done in the beginning of my sobriety. Umm, you know, I, I, I liked a lot of the different meetings around town and I had lived in a couple different parts of Denver. So I was going to meetings and Denver and I was going in Aurora and I was coming here. And so I was like all over town. I might as well have been introduced to myself as a visitor at each one of those meetings because I would only show up to, to them. I'm only doing 3 meetings a week and I'm going to four or five different clubs. So I might as well be saying I'm a visitor because I only, you're not going to see me again for

weeks. And, umm, and, and it's real hard to get connected to the program and get connected to people, uh, when you're doing that. And, uh, and at the same time, it was kind of like my wife was saying, well, do you really need to go to so many meetings? And I would say, well, maybe I don't, you know, and, and, and so I was only going to a couple meetings a week. My, my first monster that I had that had got me through the steps. We kind of had a couple of, uh, conflicts of interest where he'd come to work on my job and, and umm,

and so we just kind of decided it was time to part ways. Well,

this other guy that I asked to be my sponsor, umm, was also my alcohol counselor because I was still doing the alcohol class as well into my sobriety. Uh, but, uh, so he says, you know, I can't be your California, your sponsor because of my job and there's a conflict there. And so instead of asking somebody else, I just kind of was like, oh, well, I guess I don't really need a sponsor right now. And, uh, so I'm not going to enough meetings. I don't have a sponsor. I'm not sponsoring other people. Umm

and my my main commitment was a meeting in this treatment, but I also worked there. So it was like I'm not supposed to sponsor those guys. So they're asking me that I can't sit tell them yes. And it's like

my, my program is just kind of getting by on a thread and, uh, and I, and I pay a real heavy cost for that. Umm, I started to behave in the, in the way that I used to behave when I drank, you know, especially in my marriage. I started to treat my wife the way that I used to treat people when I was drinking, you know, and uh, and that that's a result of, of me not doing the things I need to do to stay, to stay spiritually fit. And umm, so we, we had it, We had a time when we were, it was just fighting and fighting and fighting. And, you know, 3-4 nights a week, we would just be arguing, you know, until

30 clock in the morning. And I am getting up and going to my job, you know, 4 hours later and it's just, it's just wearing on me and wearing on me. And umm, and in the end of that was, we had this huge fistfight, basically, umm, and uh, you know, the cops got called and we both got charged with domestic violence. And, you know, so I'm, I'm sitting back in a jail cell again with almost five years of sobriety going, going, how did this happen? You know, and, uh, and it was like time to, to really take a look at what had I been doing in my program, you know,

doing what I'm supposed to be doing or am I doing just enough, You know, our, uh, our Co founder, Bill Wilson talks about that, uh, that good can be the enemy of great, you know, and, and, uh, that's kind of what was happening to me. And, umm, you know, I, I got a new sponsor at that time and, uh, started getting back into the step work. I started coming to the same meeting here, coming on a regular basis and getting to know people. Umm, you know, and eventually the, the domestic violence charge went away and, umm,

you know, uh, that part cleared itself up. But, uh,

but I understood that, that I needed to, I need to really step up my game when I came to what am I doing for this program, you know, and there could be people out there that can get by on two meetings a week, but I'm not one of them, you know, and, and I need to do this thing like my life depends on it and like I'm brand new because I want, I want all that serenity and that piece. I don't want just a little bit of it. I want it all, you know, and the half measures are availing me nothing, you know, I, I want to be able to, to enjoy my life and I want to be able to get along with the people in it. And I want to be able to, you know, be the best husband and father and,

and, and, uh, a, a member I can be, umm, you know, so I got, I got real fired back up with this program. You know, an amazing thing one of my good friends told me while, while I was kind of having a lot of this, these, uh, problems in my marriage that, uh, umm, you know, that one day maybe I'll be able to help somebody else get through something like that. And it's like you, it's almost like the words were divinely inspired because now we have a, a group of people that we get together, young couples and we just kind of fellowship and, and get together and hang out and talk about

being married and, and Alan and a, a kind of situations. And it's like, you know, God can, God can show me, show me a different kind of way of doing it, you know, And, uh, all I have to do is is stay willing and, and be willing to keep showing up and, and doing the things I need to do. And today I've been able to see another person get through the step work. And, uh, you know, it's, it's just amazing. Want to watch, to watch this program take hold on somebody and to watch this, this, uh, this thing drive on to somebody as they, they clean themselves

because like I was saying, you know, when I was, when I was in the middle of step work, I didn't think I was getting any better. I still kind of walk around telling myself I, I was a piece of garbage. But when I see somebody else do it and when I see somebody else, their relationships and the way they react to life and the way they're, they get along with other people, all of a sudden it's like, you know, it's like a miracle. You know, I can really, I can really start to feel useful and start to feel like, like I'm getting the best that I can out of this. And so I'm real glad to, to be here speaking at my Home group and I'm glad

I have a Home group today and understand the importance of that. You know, that's, that I have now is he's a guy that's just on fire and doing all kinds of different things for a a. And it's like, I just, I would watch him and I would say I want what he has. And it was just like being brand new. I want what he has. I'm gonna do what he does, you know, and I would follow this guy around and, you know, and, and he's one that goes through the detoxes in the jails and, uh, and it was like, you know, if I want to have what he has, and then I got to do what he's doing. And, uh, and it's been an awesome ride, umm, ever since. And it's like, like I tell people I've been coming to vitality for

years and I go really, because they, they didn't, they didn't know me

more than three years ago. Most people didn't even know me because I would, I would just kind of pop in here and there, you know, and, uh, and that today is different. Today I, I show up to the same place and, you know, and, and I get to know people and it's like, we're, we're like a family here. So I'm glad to, to be here. And, and, uh, thanks Bonita for asking me to share. That's all I got.