The 22nd Annual Mens Fall Retreat in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

Just, well,

he is. You know

what? A Sunday. Let's play anyway. Close your eyes.

Courage that's always better for can't invite God in, you know, because that's that eliminates the search. Nobody's right here. It sounds great to see you. Good to be here. Going to do the wrap up session. They told me about the group Conscious that just had a groundswell here

and then we're going to take a break every 15 minutes.

Bunch of wimps

that that. Thank you very much for carry your position,

but it feels good. It is good to see everybody. Thank you for a good weekend. Had a great time with you guys and particularly between sessions. Yeah, that I honestly believe that's where you get the most important work done. And so I really appreciate the time I've had to spend with with with a number of individuals.

There you go. There you go fixing it again.

OK, Presidents get carried away with his job.

So. So this morning we want to want to kind of put a rap on on on what we started out with a really pretty grim story about David and and and and. And what happens to a guy who doesn't do the whole program. Yeah, who just sort of stems the surface and survives and,

and, and just like many of us have experience,

you watch that, watch what happens, you know, when that runs out and it comes to a tragic end sitting in the middle of a solution. But solution doesn't mean that if you don't do it. And, and So what we, we've dealt with, you know, in, in looking at the causes and conditions in the first six steps where we identified what is it that sort of wears us down and all that, Then we start getting into the change process. You know that

for decision to change, you want to keep that or you want to go for something new. Just a little decision there. 6:00 and 7:00 and then 8:00 and 9:00. We spent some good time on that with with how to get rid of that wreckage that'll drag you forever.

And so dealt with that and now we're moving into and so then what and then what? And then what is what I think really makes a difference. And so when you get through with the promises and it and it makes all those declarations, we then move into what I think is is some people see them as deep meditation and stare at your naval steps. I don't find it that way. I find it to

12 are terrific action steps. They're not just for contemplation and meditation, all that stuff about girding up for duty and hitting and hitting the road. And and so we want to sort of get to go through that this morning and and take a look. And I put it in terms of my experience. So keep me from preaching and, and then we'll do the homework assignment that

we all grown that, you know, do whatever you want to do. The homework assignment is going to be a suggestion. And I'm going to make that suggestion to anybody who finds being sober in a a little boring or a little dull or, or not as excited as you'd like to see it,

people like that. I would especially like to encourage the homework assignment.

And so when

just to prove them to read, I can read. I'm going to actually start out with a reading and the test steps. So it finishes that. Those promises and all the wonderful stuff is going to happen and they're already starting to happen before we're halfway through with that first part. Then when we finish that finishes that and we do some strategies, think not. And then here's where we go from there

are these extravagance problems? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They'll always materialize

if we work for them. This thought brings us to Step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commence this way of living. As we cleaned up the past, we have entered the world of the Spirit, our next function, and this is where the action starts for me. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness

that this is not an overnight matter. It could, should continue for our lifetime. Let let me dwell on that just for a minute. Any world of spirit. Our next function, because there's things I want to really key on is what that next function is to to to to to grow in understanding and effectiveness. Now this is just what one of us reads this book may read a little something different. So you're welcome to whatever you believe,

but what I believe is that growing an understanding does not mean insight and wisdom about myself.

It's not just a continuation of inventory to grow an understanding and effectiveness. And and So

what I want to do and we talked about it a little bit in an earlier session. I want to understand when things don't work well. I want to understand why they don't work well. I want to understand how things that keep the growth from occurring crop up and what to do about them. Yes. So I want to I want to continue to grow by putting that trying to understand what happened. Example I used

and it was and, and and will use again

is, is what is it that causes people to come into a group of folks where friendship is readily available, a fellowship, but you don't have to create it's already there and take a look at it and walk out. You know, what is it that does it? What is it that we either fail to do or or should do that that that causes people who are dying of an illness to turn their back and walk away from it? And so I won't understand that, you know, and I really don't want to just demonize the guy or gal who comes in and can't handle it.

I want to understand, do we have a welcoming environment? Are we somebody who makes people feel like they're in the right place instead of the wrong place? Yeah. So there, that's that's the kind of understanding that that I want to have.

And in are there better ways? Let me give you an example

of just one thing. And there's a whole bunch of things that's triggered with me. Let me give you example of just one thing that might be more than that. I lie sometimes, but at least one

that I was bothered for years, many years with people being mandated into Alcoholics Anonymous and having to bring in some goofy little piece of paper and get somebody to sign it. And I always thought that his most demeaning tactic I've I've seen it and I just didn't like it and I wouldn't sign them.

But I have never made anybody carry in the paper uncomfortable,

never did say no, I don't do that. You know, we don't do that here. I've never done that. It's bad enough to come into Alcoholics Anonymous for you, unsure of it, then to be greeted by somebody who makes you feel like a dope for being there. So I never have just said no, I don't do that. I wimp out is what I do. If somebody asked me, I'll say no, No, I tell you what,

He can handle this. He's got his own personal pen. He'll be glad to do it. Yes. So what I'm doing is wimping out, you know, because

I'll get somebody that doesn't mind doing that. I'm somebody who does. And so I'll help them find a person that'll do it, take care of business. And yes, but, but, but it bothered me for a long time about why do, why does it bother me so much? And

I did a thing if you had mentioned the other day, I do a lot of my best thinking when I'm locked up in an airplane somewhere. And and I, I was at a point where I really wanted to see if we couldn't launch a charge to do something about that to change. I brought I brought it up in our corrections committee in our group with

one night. I said, how would you guys feel about trying to get something done about the court slip thing that's done? And an old guy that our sponsor said, oh hell, Tom, we can't do a thing about that. They do it all over the country. I said, well, let's don't fix the whole country. Let's just work right here in Mayberry. And he said, well, we try but won't get done. OK. And so fly one day and I started thinking

along the line of advantages and disadvantages, you know, that draw a line down the legal pad. What's good about this? What's bad about it?

And so I put on the good side, What's good about it came up and I think I was being as honest and open and generous as I could be. And I came up with 10 things.

All ten of them had value for the person supervising the guy with paper your probation office. They had great benefit for them.

There were two that I put a question mark beside because maybe during a lunar eclipse it might have some value for the person. But it was a skeptical entry, I'll tell you that. But I wanted to be generous and so I put two down, didn't believe it, but just threw them in and Skippy list. Then I started listing what's wrong with it, and I think I quit at 26 things

that that I found to be extremely objectionable about that. And they were the same thing. If we did a brainstorming session right now, they're same things we come up with. You know, it makes a safe person feel like a second class citizen. He's like he's coming in with a brand on his head. You got to come in in some, some sort of a cowering approach to somebody. Would you sign this paper for me? Yeah. It it just is a terrible way to treat a drunk.

And, and when I thought about those things, I I thought about what a contrast it is to where a started.

And and you all know the story of you of how Abby got captured one more time for shooting up his little Old Town and was getting ready to go to jail again. Nothing new with that. And some people decided to try to bail old Abby out And they one of them was the guy named Roland Hazard. I visited his grave just a just a while back in Narragansett, New Rhode Island, and and we did a little goodbye rolling thing

and it was so it was connected with a piece of our history and and and and you know that story, you know that these Roland Hazard and two other people wouldn't approach the judge and said don't put Abby in jail. Let us have it

as well. The judge had nothing to lose. I mean, the guy's a town clown anyway. You don't have to go hunting. He'll be back knocking on the door. So they said, yeah, take him. And so they took him and they started working with Abby. And then then the rest is history with you. How that culminated with his contact to build. And it really was where the ball started rolling that created Alcoholics Anonymous. And it came out of a court thing. But now contrast that. Contrast that picture to a judge who's looking at 3:00

who says, let us take care of this guy. Contrast that to the judge says you're going to a get that paper signed and if you don't, you're going to jail 180°, at least 180° away from that whole notion. And now what we've done is made a human process into almost a production line. It's almost a mechanization of of, of, of what ought to be a human service

and, and but it's where it's come to.

And so when you when you start dealing with that, I think all of that goes in. And so when I started trying to understand that that's what I'm doing, I'm listening there. What are the possibly what are the problems with it? And, and it was just a whole bunch of stuff. The second class citizen having to walk in the patronizing position of of being just just drug around and 26 things on there.

The one the 6th one down was was an interesting one. It explained to me why I didn't like to sign the papers

is because it would change the nature of my relationship to an alcoholic.

It makes me something other than another alcoholic. It makes me sort of a quasi probation officer. I'm a sort of an errand boy for the probation system. I have no interest in doing that. I don't want to be an authority. I don't want to be a certifier or ratifier or anything like that. The only thing I want to be to an alcoholic is another alcoholic. That's all. And when I start adding to that and put, put any kind of vestige of authority or anything like that,

what I'm doing is sabotaging my effectiveness. And that's why we sign them. I never had thought about it till I started writing that out. Well, we set up a meeting with the, the, the head person. We didn't go to a judge. We, we, we, we knew it would judge it. We could work with effectively. But you don't want to, you don't want to throw your hardest shot the first time out of the barrel. You want to warm up a little bit, you know, and save him for the kill if you need it. So that's what we're doing with him. But

tell him what we're doing.

And we set up a meeting with the fellow that was in charge of probation in that region at state. And Peter, don't leave. Boy, you need to hear this.

I didn't watch them. I wouldn't beat him up like that, but he's a so set up this meeting with this guy and he was a typical kind of guy. If anybody in a public facility when citizens come calling makes them nervous because they're used to people attacking, you know, they got a complaint. They don't come to commend for what you're doing. It's always an attack. Why are you doing that? This kind of stuff. So we walked in this folks office and me and we just started our group and

the chairman of CPC committee was a guy sponsored and and he had never done a CPC job. So I went with him to help him with doing this thing. And

so we go in and this guy sitting behind this big desk in the defensive posture, you know, he's ready for whatever we threw at him. And so we had to do it and all that stuff. Then told him what we're about and then handed him Think. He started reading down that list and I think it was number six that said it changes the nature of who I want to be to an alcoholic.

He said, well, I'd be damned. I never thought of that. I said me either, but the other day I was flying 35,000 feet right next to God and, and, and he told me to say that and

well, I mean, how's he going to fight that? I'll be back. There's me and me and God right there. It's so, it's so. But from then on you'd have thought he worked for us. Well, he did work for us, but but you would have thought he literally was on our team

that once he understood it, yeah, he said that just makes imminent sense. And from then on, it was a piece of cake that was a done deal with just that one little item. And so they decided what what do you what what do you want to do about it? Yeah. Well, now my belief is just mine, but it works pretty good.

I don't ever go to public officials with a problem that I don't have a solution for. It's kind of like a good lawyer never asked a question in the court that he doesn't know the answer to. If you got one that does that without knowing the answer, you got a bad lawyer. And so I don't ever go to a public official and say, here's a problem. Why do you think we ought to do? Most times what they think we ought to do is not what we want to do. Get something different.

And so he said, What are you doing? We were ready. I think we'd laid out four

for suggestions that we thought would be better.

One of them, the one who settled on was put the weight on the guy. It's his problem. Why are you going to solve it? Why are you going to make a rabbit dog out of your probation officer? You look like a fool trying to chase down an alcoholic. Good God, man, that's. Well. He readily agreed that it was a kind of foolish plan, and so he said put it to wait on the guy. So if the guy's got a drinking problem, he'll know it. He may not want to admit it, but he'll know it and tell it. Man, you got

need to do something about this.

Look it over and then tell us what you want to do to solve it.

And if you come back with a good plan, we'll, we'll endorse it. If you don't, we'll send you back and say that doesn't, that's not adequate. See what I'm talking about? That put the responsibility on the guys, his problem. Put the responsibility on him to start taking some action rather than trying to coerce and force change. And so they jumped on on that thing. And you know, if you want to verify it, let him tell you how he's going to verify.

Put the weight on the fellow with the problem.

They let him have the ownership and that way he can have some ownership of the victory if there's one, instead of just being we had a, we had a good friend named Harry Tebow that that many of you I know have read and Harry Tebow wrote about the difference between surrender and compliance. And when you have compliance, you have no ownership. No ownership.

What you have is conforming to somebody else's plan and you give up your ownership. It makes success almost impossible.

The surrender means when you give up and what comes will be yours. And that's exactly what that court system is. And we didn't use that kind of language with it, but that's exactly what it is. If somebody's just complying with somebody else that they'll do it as long as the masters snapping the whip.

And when you're not snapping the whip, the behavior stop. And so that's what we did. We left a guy carry the weight, let him submit the plan. Did you just supervise the person just like you're supposed to do? Well, they jumped on it in heartbeat. They said, well, would you meet with the rest of our folks and talk with the officers? Just help them be aware of what we're trying to do here. And so we did to invite him to come two at a time so he wouldn't feel alone. The visit the group, take a look at the environment. There's only thing we asked. Don't come pack it.

Some of our folks still nervous when they see a gun, they flex a little. So tell them to come clean. You know, don't don't pack iron.

And so they agreed with that. And so that's where off and running and it was simple.

That's understanding and effectiveness. What's the problem and what can we do to make it better? That's all. It was just a simple little exercise. But to me, that's what that's about. It's not about studying me.

I'd let you up.

Bring Pete back, will you?

Oh, he's back. Good God

yes,

maybe lose my place. Heck,

but anyway, we're off the run today. I tell you the overall surrounding for what what we're talking about here. Now, this is just obviously just my deal, but I think once you leave the promises,

everything remaining 1011 to 12 starts with me. None of it ends with me. None of it ends with me, starts there and then moves on to others. What was wrong with David? He was studying his illness, you know. He was studying his desperate hanging on instead of learning how to be functional and be of useful purpose,

learning to be a service, find a joy as helping others. What he did was study himself, and what I've noticed that people who studied themselves always get worse,

never better.

And so these steps are designed to make me free.

And so growing and understanding and effectiveness, that means studying me. It means how to make my life and my, my, my role in life to have meaning and value. And, and so that's exactly what that was. And so we, we started out with that, that was a relatively simple process. It was the IT was the I tell you what that boy was when he wakes up. That is one wicked looking dude when he wakes up.

The first thing I saw this morning was him.

Maybe we'll go back to bed.

Rough looking boy.

He's yours. You're responsible.

We got to grow illness and understand and affect me. But anyway, yo Dad, what a great thing. And in 14 years, we've never had a single piece of paper in our group.

If people ask me if we still get people probation,

I can't tell you how proud I am to tell you I don't know. It's none of our business. We don't check resumes at the door. We don't give a rat's ass.

Who cares? Tell me. But nobody comes in here because we're on A roll, you know? He'd say, man, I just won the lottery. I thought I'd join.

We come in here 'cause we're beating up my wife, you know, and so, so it's a good feeling that that we don't have that kind of thing going on.

Somebody brings a paper in that group. It's usually wanting somebody's phone number or whatever. But anyway, just, it's one example, just one little example of of what that whole business means of, of understanding affecting. I don't like the way my groups go in, you know, that that little thing I used yesterday, you know that I don't want to just just make a lot of noise and stuff. I want to try to understand problems. And to me, that's what what this

step is about. It's it's, it's, it's to grow in, in, in, in understanding effective

right below that there's a kind of a marching order. I think that

that sort of sort of spells the tempo for this kind of thing

to grow an understanding and effective. And if you think about that, you know, part of your homework is to think about, and I'll tell you a little more specific about that. But in in your own community, you don't need to worry about the world, but just the spot of of of this part of British Columbia that you live in. You know, what I want to ask you to do is focus on that and then and then use use some of what we're talking about here. That is, if you want to find joy instead of survival.

What? David never got to the point of looking for something that would get him out of himself and into a real purposeful life. And So what this does

is is it moves us into useful life and is no longer about studying me. It's about finding my place and carrying out my purpose. What's my primary purpose and throughout below that

that continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear.

And you certainly were human beings. You have what we get restored to in a is human

most will ever be. Doesn't mean we're superhero. We're going to be like anybody else.

We're going to get restored to life, and we're going to goof from time to time. That's just natural. That's what human beings do. And so we're going to go. But if we goof, it doesn't mean we need Freudian therapy. Yeah. We don't need to get into doing another inventory and going into some massive hunt. That's life. I mean, and most of what we do is simple stuff. You know, we do something goofy, I step on your toe and say, hey, man, sorry about that. It's not a federal case yet.

And so a lot of times it's a federal case to us and we'll just sort of magnify the whole thing, make something big out of. But by what it's saying is that we, we get restored as a human being and we function like human beings

and don't need super therapy just to get through life. You know when we when we go handle it immediately and then you know what it says there

that when when we when these things crop up that dishonesty or those old characters when they drop up when they crop up,

we ask God to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately. It's just part of what sponsored for and make amends quickly if we've harmed someone. You don't have to make a case out of you don't have to do a long study on it. If you goof up quicker the better. Yeah, say hey, look, I'm sorry about that. I goofed. I'll try to do that again. It's not a federal case and sometime with us,

well

anyway, we can tend to magnify stuff. We get a toothache. We got to think about how false, deep.

That's just just life.

So go over somebody, take action and, and, and,

and make amends. If we if we've armed somebody and

easy quick stuff, then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help immediately turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Not dwelling on me and my foibles and how terrible I am, but just just that I'm participating in life like every other human. And this is just giving us a map how to deal with that stuff and how to move on and and get into useful purpose.

Loving toddler of others is our code. And we've ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. Yeah, I'm not mad at boost, not at all. I like to see people Drake. I really do. I'm fascinated with them on planes. I see people that I guess I'm really looking for customers or something. I but I watch them

and see their old mannerisms and stuff. But anyway, that's a, that's a whole deal. The love and Charles of others that I could live and let live is what we call it. You live and let live. We don't need to live other people's lives and all that kind of stuff.

They'll be tolerant of other people. We've ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol.

Don't need to fight anything now. There's causes I fight, but I don't get into personal battles, do too much with stuff. But there's some causes and things I believe in and I fight for and all of that kind of thing. But that's just being a good citizen for this. By this time, sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recall from it as from a hot flame.

We react sanely and normally and will find that this has happened automatically.

We'll see that our new attitude toward toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part.

This gets a little squishy there. So I always like to get a real reality base in this this thing because it can sound a little bit ethereal with what's going on. New attitude's just been given to us. Of course, we did work nine steps on the way to it being given to it, you know, so it's not exactly free gift. It's a product of what we've done up to this point,

the

no effort on our part other than the nine step. It just comes. That is the miracle of it. We're not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We've not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed and,

and I'm thankful for that. I also like to be very conscious that it's been removed, but it hadn't been moved far. It's sitting right over there, and all I got to do is revert to some old behavior. I'll guarantee that sucker will be back sitting on me again. Yes. So I, I don't want to get too unrealistic about that. And so, yeah, she's gone, never to return. It's easy to return.

Easy.

And does, you know, we've all seen that stuff

and neither cocky nor we pray. That's our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep and fit for spiritual condition. The minute the spiritual condition deteriorates, look who's knocking at my door. And so that's kind of a thing. It sounds real wonderful. It's squishy and wonderful. But the reality is that I've got to have these principles in place if I want the immunity,

you know? Otherwise, I'm just another struggling human, you know? And so using these tools easily, it's easy to let up on this on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels.

Whistle Laurel

Achievements

What about Hardy? What's that?

OK, well, that holds up the wall. I guess

It's Peter. You maybe lose my place.

Well, I've got it there. You show shows. Everybody's got a purpose. Yours is being agitator

this stuff.

Thank you very much. That's a Detroit. That's a Detroit philosophy, right? As long as it man, go for it.

We we didn't realize we were homeboy. We lived in the if I won't tell if you don't.

We, we survived Detroit's I, I swear to God.

Well, Peter, I just want to see if you'd show off.

Yo. Yeah, Thank you, Peter. Got me back there. We're we're not we're headed not rest on our laws. We're headed for trouble if we do. For alcohol is a subtle folk. We're not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve

contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Awfully important word show that's what we have is a daily replete and if that spiritual condition, you know, I I've been very fortunate in that that I've been sober since day one and I wouldn't take that for anything on earth.

I absolutely could do that. I don't know what I'd have done if I'd gone back and may not come back. So nobody does.

But it's, it's not just good fortune. I've been absolutely blessed and and well trained to how to deal with stuff. You know, when, when I was when I was probably

four or five years. So

there were times when when I would absolutely get so overwhelmed with an obsession to drink that I, I could not, but I just did not believe I could get through it. Where for whatever reason, you know, that, that, that I guess that spiritual defense is down enough and that thing would just overwhelm me. First time it ever happened was on a plane. I was flying to Detroit and that made a big part of what was wrong. I was flying to Detroit and

I I was used being on place sober and they were serving booze. Now I'm a spiritual giant, you know, I mean, I hadn't thought about a drink for a long time and

was a 12 step in folks. I was around booze all the time. Never even had an inkling of a desire on that plane. The gal started pushing that little buggy up the aisle and people asking like they didn't know what it was. What is that? You know, and it well as rookies trying to drink what that is.

So

I listened to the to to her selling that stuff all at once. I was absolutely overwhelmed

with the absolute obsession to drink. I hadn't thought about it. Yeah. I was as active in the program as a human could be. I'm on the way to do something very, very worthwhile in in the state of Michigan. There's absolutely no crisis of any kind that I knew of. And all at once, I was just like over Victor E walking in front of that saloon that, you know, I was overwhelmed.

I, I knew I was going to drink and I knew I didn't want to drink.

Honest to God, didn't want to drink. I took a dollar. That's what a drink cost said the other day. It was 7 bucks for a, for a beer or something or whatever, something, 7 bucks. It was a dollar back then. And I took a dollar out of my pocket, put it in my shirt pocket. I'm sitting there sweating bullets.

What do you do? You call your sponsor?

Even mine couldn't get there from there. Yo,

what do you do?

Good idea. Very good idea. I'm glad you woke up.

Yeah, exactly right. Yeah. When you when you don't know what to do or where to turn, that's the last resort and the best resort. And that's what I did. I just prayed. Simplest prayer man has ever huttered. And the most important when God helped me

happened immediately.

Obsession was gone and and not for good, because that happened a number of times in my first five years of sobriety where that that urge would come over me so overwhelmingly strong. I learned, I learned two things that were vital to me. If one was pray, always pray. The other was hold on. Pray as hard as I, as if every bit of it depends on God. Hold on as if it all depends on me.

And that's what I did every time, you know, of going through. And so this notion about, you know, I'd always like to to spend a little time on that because it gets this notion that there's something wrong if you just happen to have an overwhelming urge to drink. That's called alcoholism. And if you got stuff that will start running out of whack, you know that nobody's in perfect tune all the time and so easily can trigger that old deal. I know what the solution is. I know the ease and company comes from a drink.

Nobody knows it better than me. And so naturally my instincts would go there. And so that that's always like to sort of keep that uppermost in my mind. And I haven't had an obsession to drink for for well over 40 years. But if I had one in Vancouver today, I would not be surprised, nor would I be unprepared. I am prepared for battle

now. I'm not expecting any, but I'm alcoholic. I didn't used to be. I'm alcoholic

and all I got to do is just let that spiritual death thing duck down a little bit and look who's knocking.

I like to be very realistic about that. You know, it's a matter of how well I keep the spiritual life going. How well do I keep tuned in? How well do I keep keep focused on what I'm about that you have to sit around analyzing my problems and all that kind of stuff. Probably deep trouble. Mr. President, you're going to tell me when the

you saying that,

Well, it's a terrible place to stop. You know that.

Yes, he tough boy. That's tough boss. I've had for a long time. Yeah, the let me see. I finish off on that thing and then we'll drink coffee and whatever. Yeah, probably get out there and tell lies and all that, lose all the spiritual stuff, and then we'll come back in and pump it back.

It doesn't exist, this hybrid, as long as we keep fit Spirit's condition. But that bottom line, I think we said it repeatedly that that when I let up on that thing, all bets are off because that defense is gone. And then I'm right back to who who I am. I don't have a permanent condition called sobriety.

I have a spiritual condition and if it stays tuned, I'm in good shape. I'm bulletproof almost. But all I could do let up a little bit and look out. Look out

how long you won't break, Mr. President.

710 minutes now. Tim is not an AA10. Minutes, Timothy.