The Fellowship House in Birmingham, AL

How y'all doing? I'm Eddie. I'm

how y'all doing family?

I just want to ask something real quick. How many people here tonight is not as in there got six months cleaning, So raise your hand,

how many people's got 90 days, 90 days? Keep your hands up. How many's got 30 days

working on OK working on it? How many got less than that?

You guys are the ones. I'm here here mainly for us. The newcomers want you to know that. You know that. One more question. How many people's? This is your first time in recovery period and never done nothing about oak recovery before this is it? OK, I got some good news for you. OK. You don't have to ever live like that again,

ever. How many people been here before?

OK, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Thank you. I really am. You know, But the good news for you is that, you know, you've probably seen some things being in and out that you realize now that if you just continue,

you know, in the 10th step it talks about continuing in the first paragraph, 10th step, it says continue four times in one paragraph. That's a hint. Got to continue this stuff. You know,

I, what I'm supposed to do is I'm supposed to tell you what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. And I'm going to share a little bit with you about what my life was like. And then I'm going to tell you what happened. And then I'm going to share with you what recovery has been to me and what it's really about, OK? I'm an emotional guy. So,

you know, before I got to this program, there ain't no way in the world anybody ever seen me cry. I'm just going to tell you I was, you know, I was one of them guys. I ain't cropping nobody. But today, I don't know when that might happen, but I'm going to tell you. I'm going to share some things with you. And, you know, it's possible that could happen.

I was raised here in Birmingham and I came up in the 70s and, you know, during that time it was sex, drugs and rock'n'roll.

And you know, the program has showed me by looking back at my life, some things I've never had realized, you know, throughout my whole life. I just thought that I'd always been cool and I'd always put in, you know. But my mother, God rest her soul, she loved and moved. I mean, we moved all over the place. I've been to every school. I mean, Robert E Lee Ellington School,

Oak Grove, Bessemer, Baccadore, Cahaba Heights,

Gresham, we all get in the hint. I mean, we moved all right. And I don't know if you guys rush, but you know, kids, when new kids moved to a school, kids are mean to kids, you know, And man, I've moved to a school and the only kids that would play with me would be the kids that nobody else liked. You know, they're the ones that come out and play with me. And it was until I realized in recovery that how how did I always wanted to fit in?

And you say I had this one best friend. I was raised out in Carbon Heights mostly,

and I had just one best friend out there. And we went to a Billy Joel concert one night. And his sister, when she died real young, Patty, she, she smoked a joint with us. And man, I like the way that felt. I went to a Billy Joel concert, was my first concert at Boutwell Auditorium.

And you know, after that, well, I started smoking weed. And you know, every now and then we'd get a pill here or there and you know, I wouldn't. But eleven years old at this time. But by the time Guy was 13, here's what I had learned that if I had long blonde hair and I smoked weed, it didn't matter what school I went to, there was people I fit in with.

So it became a way of living. It became a way of life. All right. And

you know, that went on and on and on. And at 16 we were my friend that rode up with me. Dan, we was riding through W Blocton this afternoon. And you know, here's here's a weird thing. When we was riding up here from the time we hit W blocking riding through. I mean, I showed him where I used to live. It's like 1617 in an apartment or 16 in an apartment. And, and, and, and there's a convenience store there,

Alpha Ave. UI where the, the girl that used to work there, we had her, I had her to lock the doors one morning about 2:00 AM And we got, we didn't start drinking in the cooler, you know,

feel like that. I mean, I live crazy life, you know, and I met this guy from out the Cincinnati, OH. His name was Rick Morlot. And Rick, Rick had a brother that was up in Chicago, IL that was in a sales company. And we at a wreck on my motorcycle, me and Rick, we had a little apartment. We had a wreck on my motorcycle and we went to West Blockton to live with my mom and dad. And Rick went up back up to Chicago and he got me a job up there about two weeks. And the guy that owned this company,

super cool. It was like 38 years old. He was from Denver, Co. His girlfriend was an actress from California, and he likes travel to the nicest places at the nicest time of the year. So we had this little sales company and they'd go out and sell. It was like a little family, you know, we had a motorhome and stuff like that. And

so I got doing work for that man, I thought I had arrived. I mean, when we got to Chicago, we had a couple of jet boats down on the lakes down there to Chain of Lakes. And on the Chain of Lakes there's bars everywhere. And by me being with them, well, I got to go to all the bars and I got to drink and all the bars at 17 years old. I mean, man, it was as cool. We had an apartment, you know, and, and then when they were going to Hawaii and I got to go to Hawaii and I got the snow ski and I got to travel all over the place and I drank everywhere I went and

did parody buttons and all types of drugs everywhere I went, you know, So you see how this is kept progressing and progressing, you know, by the time that I was 15 years old living in Bessemer, I'd only put a needle in my arm. I was scared to death of doctors, but you know, they were making bathtub speed and it burned the hell out of your nose. And my friends, they were older than me and they shot it and they showed me how to do that shit. You know, when we get recovered, we're scared to death to get a sponsor, you know?

But think about it. Didn't I have a sponsor out there? Somebody had to show me how to roll up a joint, you know? Somebody had to show me how to make that Brillo work just perfect. OK, Somebody had to tell me how to shoot that dope, you know? I don't care. I want to get me a spot all right

here. I don't want to get a sponsor to save my ass. OK, I'm just going to tell y'all I'm passionate about recovery and I'm probably going to say a few things. It might piss the view of y'all if it does get a sponsor and talk to him about it, right? That's I can tell you, but you know, the deal is is this, you know, we're getting recovery. We don't want to do nothing to say,

you know, this is life or death. You know my sobriety dates February 23rd, 2007. Okay. I haven't been in recovery no real long time, all right? And the short time I've been here, I've seen people die, I've seen people die. And the ones I've seen die,

believe it or not, are the ones that really fought the program. Just could not surrender, had all these ideas, had this ego still going, just wasn't deflated and could not surrender and just become willing to do the things that other people talk about. They did and their life has gotten better. OK, It's amazing program.

I always like to tell the story, you know, and then I'll conclude my using. But everybody always seems to get a kick out of it and it's one of the first consequences I can remember about using.

Obviously that same print route that smoked the joint with me.

We was like 13 and was at Gresham Junior High School and

this one friend of ours, his dad was a brain surgeon and we was in PE and Ralph gave me this little piece of cardboard and had a red light and Blue Man on it. She's a peace sign. And he told me chew this up, man, you've got a trip. It's going to be great all the time. I said, you crazy? It's a piece of cardboard. He says this chewed up. So I started chewing on it. He looks at me. He goes, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, where's Rez? I said, what are you talking about? You tell me chew it up. It was a four way hit of Mr. Natural.

So anyway,

I chewed up. I go to class and Ralph and this other friend of mine, they're up to haul a little ways from me, OK.

And this, this next teacher in history, she was like this big heavyset teacher and she's writing on the blackboard and all of a sudden hair starts growing out of her body, turns into a full grown ape right now, the blackboard. And I just started laughing my butt off. You know what happens? You know, I'm laughing. I can't stop laughing. They're trying to get me to stop laughing and they hear me laughing. So you know what happened to them? They start laughing.

All right, so we all three get shuffled to the principal's office,

suspended for three days. Man, my mother came and got me and I quit laughing when she came. You know that fear, you know, quit laughing. I got in the back seat of the car we took out. We're on the way home. She turns around, looks at me. She says, what happened, son? Did you get to check the box? Turned over, man, I lost it again. You know, that was some crazy shit, though. All right, so, you know, and that's a young agent, you know, So what I'm saying is I was in trouble a long time before I ever realized I was in trouble.

You know, I had crossed that line a young age man, and it had just become a way of living for me. And, you know, in 17, I've gotten a DUI here in Birmingham right before I went up to Chicago. And they sent me a little AA meeting over here in Hoover. And I remember going in there just as plain as day. I had to go to two of them. And I went in and they went around the room and I said, well, I'm Eddie, but I'm not an alcoholic. I just got caught and they made me come here,

you know? Who would have thought, You know,

I couldn't wait to get out of there. Go smoke a doobie, you know,

You know, that went on for a long time.

You know, there were some good times. I'm going to tell you all my times, you know, and, and, and, and getting high was bad, you know, I mean, we've all experienced some good times, you know,

tell you what the misery. And you know, only 15% of people are really addicts and Alcoholics. You know, some people are just problem users and drinkers and, and heavy users and drinkers and results of a DUI or the wife leaving or this or that. You know, some people are able to stop, you know, and just not do it no more, you know, and, and, and that's cool. A lot of people stay in recovery with that, you know, because the only requirement for membership is a desire

use. Anybody can come and stay, you know, but I'm an addict of a hopeless variety. All right, I'm going to tell you it was miserable at the end, y'all, You know, I'm the guy that nailed my bedroom door shut with a tent with a with a 10 penny nail and looked under the door watching a walk in the living room. You know, I'm the guy who didn't go out of my apartment for weeks. I'm the guy that looked in the dryer because I knew somebody was in there. That son of a bitch going to get my stuff.

I you know, I'm the guy that threw dope out the window over and over and over because they wasn't going to get me,

OK? And they got me at the end, All right. I came back to Alabama. I haven't lived here in over 30 years. And I came back here to get clean. And when I got back here, my brother, he couldn't let me stay with him. I don't see him with a cousin out in Overton. I mean out in Leeds and

rice smoke weed and I was smoking weed with them and I was trying to stay clean, you know, not smoking more crack. And after I smoked that weed, about two weeks later, I then found me a crack house and weeds and I had a I I was in the bedroom of it. I've done got friends with the guy had it and I throw steaks. And so, you know, I was trading him steaks and I go get high and you know, it was all good. All right. And I can remember the night that I went to jail, I went down. I've been partying over over here

off 1st Ave. with some people that had a house over there and I've been partying over there and I saw steaks. I just have a little white steak truck. Y'all might have seen it best. Butcher drove all up down the roads and you know if he was in recovery four years ago, you see me and we do and all over the place, my little state truck man Jackie, everywhere. I was chasing some meetings, buddy, when I found this program. I'm going to tell you I didn't let up, but

you know, I've been over there and I went out and sold boxes of steaks and kept buying pieces and buying pieces and, and, and I couldn't get ahead that day. And I called my brother and I gave him some bullshit story and I went down borrowed 160 bucks from him and I was going to pay him back tomorrow.

This check I've been done met she had it's going to have some money coming in tomorrow. Y'all know the story? And so I went and spent my money all that night and she leaves them there and we get stopped OK. And I go to I go to detox out there at Trussville. That was my detox trust for jail.

That was my detox, you know, and I was in such bad cocaine psychosis, y'all, that I can remember being in the cell. They had little cameras and each one of the cells and trustful, okay. And I can remember I was thinking that somebody would have had to have stashed a little piece in there somewhere.

And I was looking for a little piece, and I was figuring out how I was going to take a rock and chip it and make it light. OK, I remember this shit just like it was right now.

I remember figuring out how to get a hit in trustful jail.

OK, That's how sick I was, you know, And I had no idea I was sick, y'all. I no idea I was that sick. This is the only damn disease in the world. Tells you you ain't got a problem, you know? And that's just the way it is. And from there, I went to Jefferson County, 6th floor D block 12 cell. That's right.

First night I got there was three people in. I slept on the floor. By the time it was over, I had my choice, my bunk, and it was on top so I could look out the window.

I say there for a little over 30 days, you know, and I kept thanking my brother and my family was going to come Get Me Out. And nobody came. Nobody came. Nobody brought me a toothbrush. Call my family. I had a great public defender, Tony Myers. He's a great guy.

He caught all my family. Ain't none was going to come Get Me Out.

And you know, everybody in there kept telling me, man, you don't wanna get out on task. You don't wanna get out on task, you know.

You just don't wanna do it, man. So I stayed. They kept trying to Get Me Out on task and I stayed.

Finally attorney. I kept saying overcoming, man. I had the top sale. All the dudes, man in there. They tell me, Eddie, and you gotta get out of that window, man. You know, I'm looking out of that window. They're like, you gonna go crazy up there, you know? But I kept looking out that window, man. Kept waiting on the sun. Nobody came. Tony Myers, he finally told me. He says Eddie, look, man,

he says the grand jury, they're gonna overtark, they're gonna take your case. He says, you know they got you and they gonna take your case. He says you could be in here. Ain't no telling Hollow. He says your family ain't coming. I suggest that you take one of these recovery houses that I can get you in and get you out of here. OK, Now some of y'all's been around the program. Y'all heard that it got worse.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna share something that happened with with you in jail

when I was in jail, you know, they give you the little Bibles, OK. And I started reading that little Bible and, you know, I can remember, I went through that Hurricane Katrina and Pascagoula. I've been sent to Atlanta and I I was testifying on street corners, man, after going through, through Katrina, you know, everybody, there was no water and everybody just came together. Didn't matter who you were, everybody came together and shared water and shared food. And, you know, I mean, and God had saved us through that because people died, man. It was horrible down there, you know,

and, and I got sent to over there and that's where that I got sent because our apartment building got condemned. And I went over there and, you know, they had me in a hotel and I was testifying at St. Corners, man, I was going to church and, and everything was great, you know, and a friend of mine gave me $38,000 to start my business up again.

And I decided to go by and see some friends that I had known before when I was a heavy into math. And I went by to see them and they had a little rot laying on their table. I was going by to show them how well I was doing what God had done, done for me. And, you know, I've never really liked crack. I like the way I felt when I, you know, come down. I just didn't like that shit, you know, I didn't like the way it made me feel. And I'd always said I was never really going to smoke that shit unless I had plenty of money to smoke all I wanted.

Guess what? OK, I have the money to do it.

I went in there, Little Rock laying on coffee table. I said can I hit that? I'll give some more. They said anything what you thought it was because see that was used me doing math. I said, oh I know what it is, I'll be okay, we'll get some more. And I hit that rock. But I can tell you this that I was going to quit when I got to 30 grand and then I was going to quit when I got to 25 grand. I was going to quit when I got to 20 grand. I was going to quit when I got to 15 grand and I had to stop when I got to 10.

But I'm going to tell you when I stopped, it was about 2 1/2, almost three months,

OK? And I stopped when I went to the ATM to pay my dealer for 1/4 ounce and I didn't have enough in my checking account. I put 500 in a savings account and I had to transfer 100 from that to there. And I knew I was in trouble. So I did what a dope addict does. It's been doing dope for 37 years. I went to slinging some crack. That's what I did. You know, when you spend that kind of money in that short a period of time, believe me, you're getting some pretty good shit that's being delivered whenever you want, OK?

So that's what I did. And that lasted for another eight or nine months, you know, and I'd taken this female hostage and she was taken care of and she had a car and, you know, and I was living in her condo and, and she was feeding me and getting me an 8 ball. And I was doing real well, you know, I thought, well, she got tired of my shit because she'd give me money to go get dope and I'd come back the next day with a little piece

that wasn't working real good for her, you know? So she was tired of my shit and I had to go. And

that's when I came here to get clean, you know, And so, you know, I've been testifying on street corners, man, how God, how good God was. And, and, you know, and then when I started smoking all that crack and I, I lost all that money, you know whose fault it was?

How can he let that happen to me?

How did I was walking hand in hand and he let Satan reach up from hell and pull me into the pits? Hell. That's why I felt with all my heart, man. You know, see, when I was a little boy, I'd went to church and I was a good kid. I had good folks and I was a good kid. But you know, when I got to smoking weed and doing dope and drinking and partying all the time, every moral value, everything that ever meant anything to me separated.

And, you know, after a while, the things I knew were shitty that I would do,

I would justify them somehow. And then after I'd done them so long, they just become acceptable anyway. You know, if I took your shit and helped you look for it, I was cool for that. You know, I forgot that I was being a thief. You know, I forgot that shit. I become separated from God

and I was sad and I was sick and I didn't even know it y'all.

So when I was in that Bible, you know, something happened for me and it was a spiritual experience. You know, I seen that jail cell and I felt God and I heard a still soft voice tell me you were safe when you were young. You're mine and I'm not going to let him have you.

You're going to be OK.

And I knew that something was different. I knew something was going to be OK. I didn't know what then, y'all, because I was still a drug addict and I still had a long way to go. And I'm going to tell you right now, I believe today that just that little voice in my head would not have been sufficient to keep me clean,

OK? Because I'm a real drug addict. I would have used again. I got released from there, and I went to a recovery house at 500 Plot, West End. Y'all heard me a minute ago say, yeah, I've heard about it getting worse. They pulled me up at a little house on the corner, 500 block West End. Man,

I thought oh I go in, I go in and there are 6 black guys and me.

How about some fear? You know

I ain't never lived with nobody. 3 bedroom house. Certain guys, Yeah,

I've always ran businesses. It's been pretty successful, been in sales, you know, and I go in there and this guy shows up, he's got 15 years cleaning. NA, he asked me, he says Eddie, he says he's doing dope. Your only problem. I looked down, I said yeah, that's my only problem, man, you know, and I've been praying about it, so I think it will be OK. He said really? I said yeah, really. He said. So

that's your only problem.

I said, yeah, man. He says, well, huh, you seem pretty smart. I said, well, I've always done OK. I've had I've started getting my resume. I'd always have my own businesses, own my own houses and, you know, and all this. He says, well, you're pretty intelligent. Thank you, Eddie. I said, well, yeah, I guess I'm pretty intelligent. He said, yeah, he's so intelligent. He's 47 years old. You live at 500 block West End with seven other men. And how, how old was you the last time you had a curfew?

I looked at the son of them. He says, well, you got 11:00 curfew here and you're going to attend 3IN house meetings and you're going back to jail. That's how intelligent you are. I like this son of a gun of a God. That's right. That's right.

That's right. And I was making plans on how I was getting out of that house. Who was he talking to? I had a three car garage bigger than this house.

That man smashed my pride. God put that man in my life right when I needed it,

They say we're prideful. We're ego, people driven. All right, we're coming here beat up from the floor up, telling you how, how wonderful we are, how good we got it. Everything good? I'm good.

There I was, three pair of pants and five shirts.

Yes, we wore my Samsonite luggage. Was Bell in the coffin? You know, I really liked him already. That man took me out back to a garage and he went through some clothes out there and he gave me some clothes to put on my butt, okay. And I took me in and he gave me a bed and there to sleep on.

I meant 15 years He's out there carrying a message. So when you read reaching out, that means something to me. That shit means something to me. I mean 15 years after being clean, he's out there helping people coming out of jail but didn't have no place to go. There was a tore up at it, man. The life just I was dead man y'all,

I had no life in my eyes when I got arrested. I got a picture of me when I got arrested and if you want to see it, you can go to Trustful Arrests. Edit Edwin Glatfelter and you pull it up and you print it off. You look at that sort of a gun. Charles all sucked in 170 lbs okay, 170 lbs and no life left in me. OK, He told me, Eddie, there's a blue book in there. I suggest you read it. You don't find out drugs ain't your problem. You got some other problems,

You know, I didn't understand that shit.

And I knew I'd find me a place to live too. I was getting out of there. I was on a Friday. Monday I went down to the meatpacking place I bought meat from. There was a guy had a company here. I called him. Not Tuesday. I had a job. I started working, selling meat off of his truck, working for him. Now I started making money, you know, and I had been reading that little book in there and stuff. And about two weeks into this deal was down on the Warrior River and I done made me some money and I came across a little cabin. Well, you see, my understanding was this, OK,

the only reason I had to live is that recovery house is because I didn't have a place to live. So if I got some money and I get me a place live, why move out? Makes sense to me. So I do what any good at would do. So if we'll run right, I just go ahead and rent it.

I go up fast and I tell that my my caseworker ain't there. So I tell the supervisor that I found me a place to live on the Warrior River and I'll fax them over the address and everything. And I'm moving out of the cupboard house. Well, she didn't tell me I couldn't. That's where that's really pissed me off. But anyway, she didn't tell me I couldn't move. So I go to the house, They drove me over there. The person I'm riding with, I'm packing all my shit out of the house and I'm putting it in the truck. We're getting ready to go.

Dude on the recovery house shows up, he says. Eddie,

what are you doing? I said. I got me a cabin on Royal River. I'm moving out,

Eddie. He said you can't move out. I said yeah, I went up task. I told him I'm moving. He said hold on a minute, hold on. He calls up. This lady gets me on the phone. She says Mr. what are you doing? You can't move out of that recovery house. Got man's on your bond. You move out, you going to jail? I said, well, you didn't tell me I came back. She said don't argue with me. You can't move out of the house. You do go in jail.

Humility. I mean now I got to take. I don't told everybody 5.

I'm out

here. I go with little boxes back here.

I kept that little cabin down there, though, 2 1/2 more months I stayed in there. I spent one weekend and about two nights and 2 1/2 months down there. You know, because after 30 days I could go and my son came up.

You know, that's a big thing that happened too in the in the midst of this, like the second day after I've gotten out,

I I'd had a cell phone and it had a few minutes left on it and stuff, you know, prepaid phone and I called my son. My son and I have a special relationship. I got, he was always apple in my eye, y'all. And when he was born, you know, I said right then that he wasn't going to be raised by a drug addict.

You know, me and my ex-wife, we moved, we made our first geographical move. He was born in California and we moved from from Ontario up to Victorville. And by the way, you don't understand why my cocaine use got so big. I lived in California from 1980 to 1987. I don't have to tell you about California and cocaine. They wrote a movie about it, Blow. It was everywhere. But anyway, we was going to straighten up, OK. And we moved up to Victorville. That was our first geographical change

and then we was just going to use on the weekends and we just built a new house up there. I was in the car business, I was doing good. And you know, we lost the new house right off the bat 'cause the weekend used it and last. Y'all know how that works, you know, and then we moved back here. Well, I ended up raising my son, OK, for the majority of his life.

And, you know, I ended up using wooden. And that's pretty pathetic. The one thing that he did do, though, is he had a consequence. And after that consequence, he took a look at me and he got the hell away from me. He didn't want to be like me, OK? And he got away from me. And at 23 years old, my son was the youngest store manager for Rent-a-center in the United States.

At 24 years old, no, 25 years old, he became a general manager for an all suites hotel

to go, which is what my job is now. He's went on to open his own company up in Indianapolis, but not took his job. That's what how God works. Okay, I'm going to get a little bit in that in just a few minutes. But anyway, so I started going to meetings from that recovery house and and I went to

Jaffe destiny group up there. They had a California meeting one day and I love cocaine anonymous. I'm just going to tell you this is the only non drug Pacific fellowship. I got cleaning in it all right, and I work the steps in NA. I went and asked that guy on that house to be my sponsor, y'all, and he had me start writing resentments and we did the first step, the second step. We did the third step right there in that bedroom, you know, and, and I started writing my four step and I was ready to do my first step when I moved out. And then me and him, we couldn't get together.

But I've been going to California and I went up to Destiny and they had a speaker up there and the guy was from California and he talked about moving back here to get away from it. And, and we sort of hit it off. And then then I started going to Hut and, and you know, and then from that, you know, after going to the Hut for a while, I got a sponsor there after I moved out. And this sponsor, he told me to set my 4th step to the side and read the 1st 164 pages of this book.

And I was like, wait a minute, you don't understand, this guy's about this tall. We're short shipped

and I went up to him and I asked, I said look, I said I've got all my four step down, OK, and I need a sponsor to do my first step with. All right. And he goes, well, okay, He said, well, let me ask you a question. He says,

you done yet? I looked at him, I said yeah, I'm done. He goes, no you're not. I said, yeah, no, I'm done. He goes, no, you're not done yet. I'm starting to get pissed off at it. All right, he goes left of your own devices. You're not done yet. OK, you got to hit lap, dude. That was true. I do

OK look to my own devices. The only thing that will save me is a spiritual intervention. OK takes God. No human power could have saved me because if they could, that little baby boy there was apple in my eye. I would have never used the key. And y'all that's what I'm talking about. I'm one of the 15%. I can't just stop if I can't stop. I would have stopped when my son was born,

OK?

I would have stopped after my first divorce, losing that life. You know,

I have enough God's help.

And this man carried me through the steps. He made me start reading this book over again. And I'd read this. I was like, you don't understand. I just need somebody do my pissed up man. I mean, you know, I've been living a recovery house. I've been clean over 90 days now. I mean, you know, three 464 pages of the book. Call me every day we talk about.

And he carried me back through the steps, through the big book, all right. And I ended up finishing in May night. So now I'm full circle. You know, I've worked the steps,

you know, and I'm thankful for that. God made that happen that way because I'm hard headed y'all, You know, God knew what I needed when I didn't know what I needed. Just like God kept me at that recovery house, you know, if I had to move down there with two weeks clean, well, 30 days plus two weeks I was in jail. 30 days, a little, 30 days and two weeks. You know, I have no doubt

that still voice in my head would have went away living on the river during the summer. I got high because that's what I do. But you know, God kept me there long enough for me to get a little bit of recovery in me, you know, and that guy at that recovery house, he told me, he says, Eddie, you know what, you're a real drug addict. He says you got to chase meetings like you chase dope. I chase dope. Hard job

I chase recovery. Hard. I go to three or four meetings every day.

I go to we do. I go to Jaffe. I go to Palisades NA in the HUD at night after the Palisades since hot meat the Palisades 8:00 meeting at the Hut. All right, four meetings

and people sitting in here straining about having to get one a day. You're one of those people.

I hear what I'm telling you. If you really want to stay clean, you gotta chase this shit like you chase dope. Did you go get dope one time a day?

Why do you want to do a little bit recovery? Do not think this is a life and death, Danielle. Do you want to return to live in that misery? I don't. I don't.

I don't ever want to have to go through that again,

but I know

takes me doing something. If you've got a sponsor is telling you, hey, take it easy. Just be slow. Don't worry about working the steps. We'll get around to it prior to our ass, 'cause they gonna kill you,

they gonna kill you. Get rid of them. Because what they're telling you is I don't got time right now to be doing this. Alright,

find you, a sponsor says. Let's work the steps.

Let's get you a spiritual awakening the way that you got God working in your life to where you ain't never got to use dope or drink again.

OK,

that's a sponsor. Now we get that sponsor. If you're willing to do it. Don't ask somebody for their phone number and keep in your pocket. Never call.

You know who the guilty ones are?

You're gonna get somebody's phone number and ask them to sponsor you. Call them. Use them.

Get serious about this thing, y'all Recovery is cool. It's happening all over the world. And I'll tell you it's a ball. We have some good times. All right? You know, that was one of the biggest things that ever that kept me using because I did not know that you could have fun without being high. I didn't. I didn't know that existed. If you didn't get high, I wasn't hanging where you're born. You're grown. Well, my book here tells me what are we to be

a born and drum lot? And then it says no, says do we have a substitute? Yes, vastly more. It's a fellowship,

The Fellowship and Cocaine Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous and NA. I don't care what you choose to do, just do something.

Just do something. I choose Cocaine Anonymous and I'm a part of Alcoholics Anonymous and I go to NA meetings. I don't part all of it. I love it all, but I love Cocaine Anonymous because it's non drug Pacific fellowships. I was knew I'd go to NA meet and say the wrong thing. I'd go to a a meet and say the wrong thing and then and see I can't say the wrong thing. Don't give a shit what I used or what I call it. You know, I can talk about smoking crack does not do it. It ain't me. You know, it's a addiction,

all right? Can't do it. Hey, Amy, it's alcohol. See, I do what I want because they don't care about what I use. They care about the solution. I love Cocaine Anonymous, all right? They let me be me, and they love me until I could love me. And that sponsor carried me through the steps, man. And I worked the steps right out of this book. CA. We use this book wherever alcohol is. If you're a heroin act, put heroin wherever alcohol is. If you're a crackhead, put crack wherever it is. It don't matter,

you know, this book tells me that the bottles were only symbols of what was going on. It ain't the drinking of the drugs. Just because I don't know how to live. I don't know how to enjoy life without this. OK? But I get recovered and I work the steps and I go on my first camping trip up to T Hall Mountain.

When we go up there and

man, we play these games like no, never did I ever or some kind of shit like that. We're laughing until 2:00 in the morning and the next day that the the patrol Rangers, they come down there and they're walking through our campsites. They're sure we got alcohol.

Next afternoon they're stopping vehicles, looking through them. You know, they ask us why we're being so loud. I laughed so hard that during that weekend and it was gut laughter y'all. I had not had that type laughter since I was a little kid,

you know, Iris Taker one time that I saw out in Bessemer that explained it to a tee. And I'm going to explain it to you what that was like for me because I remember going to my first convention downtown here in in Birmingham, you know, and you're looking at people and you're just enjoying recovery and it's all good. You're not hiring nothing. And it reminded me of when I was a kid and this same thing he shared and touched base with me. But it's true. You all remember when you was a kid and the hula hoop was out and stuff. You've been doing a hula hoop.

Somebody can do the network

riding your bicycle. Remember, man, just cruising, you know that's what it was like. How long has it been since you felt that for real? For real,