The Into Action group in Plymouth, UK

no but for the next two months we back it used to be finished and starts from the very start

some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was known to let we let go absolutely and with that once you which apartment he was come to experience no

my name is Paul and I'm an addict

thank you Ryan and are you asking me to Cher home is a privilege to setting this group and

you know and it's something that I do I have the choice really the same as you know doing this during this program

I'm a I'm a drug addict that you know to come in for about twenty three years and you know everything was my my drug of no choice

I've I lost all the choice to run the you know with the other ones I could actually take it or leave it but I always end up getting athletes and I. D. tried so many things to to try to control my using and you know

one of the

it's one of the aspects that make me another

I lose control once I start using no matter what I always end up getting and how to be done and we because I'm heading out this is and I tried many things you know I tried to switch to other drugs I tried to reach to help hold I tried to move jobs I try to take a treat I tried not to take request described in the book you know most of those things I described I actually have done it and and none of them works also you know another aspect that makes me and I don't think that you know when I stopped for some reason whether you know because I'm locked out well because my family and just put me on a treatment center I go for the talks I come stay clean for too long somehow you know I respect taking drugs all the time and

and do you know even with the knowledge that I'm going to get in trouble once I have that first joint or once I have that first drink I'm gonna get in trouble you know all of that to get gets forgotten when

you know that session kicks in because I suffer from the succession yes I can control my using

so I can justify to go in there for that first one because you know it's just the one

and I'm I'm going there and I have that first one and I'm stoned and I'm thinking to myself yeah this is you know this is it you know I'm not coming back here

and then you know within forty eight hours

most likely within twenty four hours there knocking on these guys store again

and you know this is what I'm up against didn't you know when when I clean up

something happens to that

it's just awful I can't get only people

I get frustrated with myself with the things that you know I want to achieve and somehow I I come I can't do it hello see it

I don't seem to be of any help to anyone

people actually you know they they they they kind of

step away from me and and me clean you know I for me being clean

even worse than using drugs because we drugs you know I can get some some of that conflict I don't mind to being being alone I don't mind leaving in the down I don't mind you know any of those things that come with drugs for me we don't drugs

it it's awful and one of the things that happens to me is is doing great you know I leave I leave in in regrets about things I've done you know I I feel a little guilty I can't commit to a job properly and you know I really I can't make a living you know

sufficient enough to make me happy and

and you know we don't drive yeah life is not good

so no wonder that the obsession so that I can control it comes back to me all the time you know I came to a point

and this was around five years five years ago I came to a point that you know even the drive we're not actually no we're not doing much and I was you know I had real ceiling using against my will because I I didn't I really didn't want to use but I didn't have a choice and I always thought I had the choice to run I always thought that I choose to go in and pick up and at this point you know I really felt that

you know I have enough hours I was beaten into submission

hi this is and and I was lucky enough to once again to get another the toxins and come out and I managed to save us seven minutes clean but after seven months you know

hold

started happening to me you know I'm I'm walking in the street and I'm fearful I'm you know I I can't look people in yeah yeah I'm I'm looking to show up and

and I'm during the Q. and I'm still right you know why not moving on in the

and you know in reality I I I don't have really to leave like how the people that

I'm just I'm not crazy

but you know I came I came to I came to this meeting actually and and then I realize what was wrong with me I was able to you know to diagnose myself with addiction because I heard people talking about you know

our choice I heard people talking about my condition you know day

when I speak up once I lose control I identified with that and and I saw these people actually leaving

leasing happy at least they seem to leave happy and that and I want to do you know I wanted to feel comfortable with myself and

this is for me was was good enough you know to feel comfortable and truly desire to use drugs because you know even with you know seven months clean electric needling so that

I still I still want to use

I kind of resigned myself to the fact that I couldn't but I realize that you know it doesn't really matter with that I want to or not I'm gonna end up using and and I went through you know the two episodes of really being on the H. one of them was in London and I have to travel and somehow you know holding coming back to me and saying well you can never use often get away with it because no one in

well no but the thing is that you know I can't get away with it because you know it's me you know I have to deal with my with the things I do and at that point I realized I need I really need to do what these guys are doing and and you know I started to call either you know it's gonna ask someone for sponsorship and

and I remember you know but I used to hang out with some people on that and I remember telling them who was going to choose for a sponsor

and and when I said who was they turned to me and they said man

you know you're not going to get on with it you know he's going to try to do this to you it's going to be in is this going to rule your life and actually I was at a point that you know I need in my rules to be I need in my life to be ruled by someone else because I couldn't do it on my own

and somehow you know probably you know

maybe maybe that was my first

you truly experience I have

I have the feeling that you know all these people is telling me not to go there it's probably because it's the right thing

and and I went and I asked him to be my response and this is a pleasure

as long as you are willing to do what I do

because you know no well P. S.

well it does today and

I'm not sure yeah you know if you only ask me stuff that you do yourself I would definitely do it

and he gave me a few a few things to do

and I had just got done with the dentist I remember you know about well two weeks after that I'm walking through town and I'm actually looking into

so how's the

but I was feeling all right

somehow I had that feeling that you know I'm going to be all right

and you know seems

actually you know

I never read

desire to use

to use drugs again

but I got involved with the I had to do the work I have to do research and work I have to go into a man I still left to go on to a man's I still left to do in the return work I still have to work with others I still have to call people I you know I'm still doing the same stuff I was doing discounts probably going to be remote to service in my home group and you know all of these what my sponsors told me this is what I've done you know what I do to recover and and I can promise you if you do the same stuff you will recover from opening state of mind

of

wanting to use not wanting to use and having held in my hands and things started to get more creative and you know I have I have a different perspective you know the the world is not is not so style

you know

my relationships go back to it I'm able to do things that

I was not never able to do them constantly and I'm you know at the end of the day

well I've sent through gun six I actually got in touch with with some power greater than me grace is and and if you greater than the home group something that keeps me clean and gives me you know keeps me happy and you know able to to deal with the difficulties of life and I'm gonna leave it that thank you

that

it was time to check her experience that would help

hello

very grateful when it's out and

I could ever imagine two year ago being sought here sherry sherry my experience you know and and what experiences pain specially

being in the program and

so about what brought me to the rooms harvest them nowadays but didn't think her walls because to me you know time is three

it says look for the similarity you know I was looking for the differences all the time I know you sent drove a lot drugs you know I was you know I was on a professional job you know so I'm not sure about you know just for him so full time really and

it went on for years you know so I would want to open another than another

just to just to ease the instability the huddle with time you know a look back today and

you know I have it how did since I was born realize you know it's just this content overtime restless you know this is not my child failings was told you know was looking for something else to fill the emptiness inside my you know to make me feel better so and you know as a as a golden storefront

some drugs and that was something that made me feel better so you know help me to fit in real life and always look to the external world you know and just I'm different I'm not like anybody else you know

just what was told us about life about you know just let's say without something to make me feel better

and

you know just

doing my job you know unfortunately you know I work in an area where I can get rich on top red light

but I always look to other people was hobby like do you know you'll know when it's ready to cope with all the time you know just in getting

came to a point

five three three times a point last year where I had

you know things are just just go out Honda again you know exit my experience is a pot and I'll do the drugs I'll put him down then I'm depressed again told I'm surprised that no one seems to know and you know told I'm depressed again you know six months depressed and you know and I'm not that's what I'm forty one and then it got to a point where it's just you know off on prescription drugs after that because they were legal you know I can get them easily and I know but I'm just

and I knew it you know and thanks for the grace of god there was some divine intervention them I'm quite sure just couldn't do it anymore you know I knew what was coming tonight I'm fine flight and somebody came I can smell if an old friend of mine is another fellowship

took my took me to amazing

you know I just don't have also really it was just it was a hard place I'll just needed something to stop this from happening tonight I've tried therapy and everything like that and I know I went to the range and the session I had it was like you're telling my story you know that's my life and and and got smarter discussion from its straight away

I did stop you know on on the detox focused off clean and you know we're supposed to know that for a while it was a great

and then you know after a period of time stop doing that I did some different ways

my depression was coming back again you know

and I have to do something different again looks like you know I was in the right place right time and and got myself a different phone stuff so I think it was at that point for me that are true light around it at that point no when I put myself cleanings at that point because a new

what was Megan you know sign up with jokes again you know most that's right are you willing to do October twenty line yes you know tell me anything will do it I'm not you know that's exactly what date no in my mind was no questions Australia I knew I had to do that because experience told me

where I would go again you know without a doubt and so I just I didn't want not you know that some part of me wanted to lift that and I want to know how to live like normal people you know

so so they you know come from with that

within a few days after ingestion I was given

the obsession you know the hot

which was

and so maybe that was

American many styles you know and I start to feel a little bit better so you know which also the address to do that today I have

but I carried on with them and try to make that

so maybe it just got busted by so but it wasn't like a you know a bowls of light in the address you know it was it was kind of a stressful thing from a bit by bit I started going to my my work you know and what I would be previously I know the drugs all the time you know I start to go in my way

no even you know not even thinking about a community like to get certain things

you know the other that was just disappearing

so I was exposed to things to happen and I was starting to feel a little bit faster though if I could actually be with myself so well the most recent finished you know Kerry owns I'm not see but to watch it and

I say it today just

say grateful but I can't even put into words you know because I miracles happen to it you know it it's not too much you know

it is true god you know I mean high tide high problem which because I may which you know I would have no idea there was something much bigger than a you know

it's just a miracle is an absolute miracle and my life today

this profound I actually love it you know and and it comes in the address to also just feeling content or just for you and in general and being able to cope with

my emotions you know no ma'am so proceed anymore because that's what the twenty four seven you know you're not say one word out soon not be it out please

yes okay

so weeks and looking out for myself so you know I can understand because you know I found out about the fact

I do understand that I didn't think any of that what severity I'll go depression you know and that was it but one side you know from doing the full thing that was that

major allotment really for me and

stay in my car and things stay the resentment files saying how I saw in this office but you know because it was all about my looking back I can see that now well I just got out of things you know and

how I'm saying install J. you know how I'm feeling

that was the turning point for me and even today you know doing the sentencing

you know it just teaches me more more just more is revealed as he says you know if more is revealed and the experience as a hobby because right

just unbelievable you know like so I would never imagine that is sherry my experience with people you couldn't go manage you know just sort of fade often find out that you know and but if there's anybody anybody near you know it

sponsorships that because right it the recovery the I've had so many experiences I've had from it why would I want to go about you know why would I want to stop doing this program because it is unable to mail something else you know feeling content lots of opportunities you know and

maintenance and bringing people and and the ability to work with

you know

M. before I never saw I had anything to offer anybody else you know especially when I first came into the room and and and have been doing the steps and then able to you know to to carry message to other people and even spoke to somebody else to see somebody else growing up this transformation it is just the phones you know here you go through I went through it myself but seeing somebody in front of my

go through it

unbelievable you know it is a miracle

she was put into words that you know and

so it goes down from a you know and I will continue to do it is pro

I want

thank you

experience definitely

thank you

yeah my name's Dan I'm an addict

just keep up with this really quite remote spoke to somebody that this process you just say this to me and my sponsor that I've set to launch privilege pleasure was family which is a man who is quite complex that saying

when I on the

S. S. C. I remember thinking yeah this is not fat because something is wrong and something is in the way and something I want I don't know what it is and it's really really not fat and I remember thinking about because my school who sixteen hain and learning to drive having sex you know going out if you know they didn't have to watch that perished so reformation and had this freedom I really wanted nothing you know tassels from I'm just I'm a bit older than I look you know I'm a I'm actually I don't disconcerting but I'm you know twenty two or something on my smart guide I

it will be okay when I get to sixteen seventeen will be outside and because and I when I was working I mean that information I'll let you drive I can do pretty much what I like and I'm into waking up and I I you know sixteen of seventeen some of that and thinking

this is something still wrong you know what hold access the the goodies and on sale in fact motives content and I have a whatever this thing is in my email it's got stronger and only iPods baffled I was passing through a very early age and I continue to stay hold I met Bassam and call it increased in strength bought something wonderful happened in my teenage years I found drugs I'm not something that was wrong I managed to turn to nearly nothing so drugs became absolute essential ingredient in my life and they started like such ingredients for many many years twenty years and hi fast forward the end of my using I I I used to

fine destruct A. and gotta make him and so on this bench out in the street and you know maybe a sweat televise whatever and let's see trying to please go call I don't know right still came not twenty quid my hand when I

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah get the drugs feel great and run across the road to these big pop group C. glossy pop but I loved it because that is really the pricing for the tort laws and it did that it was really all of the tools we can you know it's like being sent to you no no no one was going to come through the door could you please not get first one in and take a two absolutely fantastic miss period of time five ten minutes trying to see the guy get a drugs get wanted right and then it would stop everything

I would like a full time to my head that number twenty three hours fifty five minutes why did you feel about that again

what severity should

that is my life is it because the rest of my use not die he's down hill I I won't need much much you know it's part of talking about that you know I start using I kind of have to use more five point nine two five to getting on to school I can you know make you know twenty times I used it and you know that's just about holding may I

I'm kind of getting boring I was boring my losses point this is useless to everybody you know I was just totally sh I know I'm looking for a handout and this is my life and I how do they get to this how did it come to this how did I end up hold on the line and still this bloody something is picking miles whatever age

I heard about it being describes depression yeah depression anxiety fish dress code what you like for me it felt like I had done something very very wrong and it's just about to get quotes for it I had there was a page in my book that was missing that everyone else in your secret to having life I would have had this page and that's correct though I didn't have and it's made me feel very self pay yes but the publicize it was also very superior and I also start feeding I know everything more than you actually saving so so less than you was a constant pop me being made and I just didn't get it I just what is wrong with me and I spent a long time trying to find out honestly I asking doctors and psychiatrists and psychologists and therapists and counselors my mom my sister's girlfriend's dad grandparents you know trying to get an angle on this something and that became the very best the script I had to tell you what was wrong with me and I ended up one of the prices that we you know a lot of us to treatment center of seventy two chin and tried again to find out what was wrong with me and I didn't I I you know just as much these very good people tried I didn't and

I just wish I was baffled and I was scared the reason I was skating on you I was gonna go back to where I just come from yeah I need it I was that was that was nothing else out there you know I found a very very effective solution and drugs and whether any other solution that me being clean and it doesn't work you know I I don't like it that's why I use drugs and I when I was seven months later this point and

I you know I was really scared the the the pasta I just escaped from seem to be like a magnet well gravity pulling me back I didn't want to I was to learn what I want is completely and utterly irrelevant in this Dale useless nine and all right all right I could feel the force putting me back and I was very very scared

I have experience and I would hate to have an experience already found a solution Hans solution in Pratt you know I'd go on my knees early on after getting clean and

I didn't know I was trying to you know constantly trying to it really doesn't matter

but I haven't experience and I was reading a book we may have to put this mentioned in this wonderful book K. I got William James and he was talking about what is

an experience that one can describe this market from from the phrase now

one

I don't have this quote one experience I was something of a revelation the profound revelation and hit me up I thank you why I had always used trucks not just be to attention period of treatment and you know my parents got involved in that we have family counseling sessions and many many others I was in I was I was

suddenly I just had this

four times my head and it seems to so

many many years of questions I was I used drugs because if there's something that was it and I just hope yeah so nothing to do with my calls but nothing too much I haven't

I went to nothing to do with anything anybody did or did not do it to me for me to walk out fine now I'm gonna be very very clear about this is my sponsors my sponsor sponsor this is multiple if anyone had any kind of terrible experiences youngster a tie I'm not doing now I'm just trying to find no absolutely my use of drugs I've got nothing to do with why I was or was not treated as a child okay it is to do something else and is this something and I

start content to the rooms and I was lucky enough

to sit in front of people who had enough about me to tell me the truth I'm not gonna put me on the back they weren't going to sort of maybe point to some that's just somewhere that I haven't even read and so that's a good idea they were trying to tell me the truth and they did and they didn't care about my savings the reason I didn't care about my settings and then you say you were about to send a note

there's no pop this do you okay

so they shed

they're experiencing symptoms that expense for you to speak with my shared with me that traced the only choice fine how very hide being taken from whether it was where they were to die and they describe to me what it was like to be an addict freefall disease the mental obsession I'm I cannot stop full to consequences getting in the way of one about today you know I'm not going to lose my I'm going to go to prison she leave may not that easy to Lebanon because on my second session blocks out what put Jagannatha physical compulsion it means I am going to keep going the third part of this disease because spiritual man today and how to describe it sorry well without drugs my last position internally I am depressed and finally I'm scared finally I'm never quite friendly it doesn't matter what I get is never enough all right I'm missing something

when I first started working steps in order to find out what that something is not the kind it is well there many many what's the point guard hi Pat what you will I forty dollars and very very confident I'm not religious man but I found that the what to expect and step twelve haven't had experience as a result we try to try to be dismissed missin this message is the result of working steps this message is my spiritual experience full stop advise wash not to get exposed to that as well I. lateraled to come into my life the reason I laughed that comes one of these I was defeated decks hi data not paying me was much thinking at all most killed me as much thinking put me in this position in the first place and Zach needs changed the steps away to rearrange to change that thinking now because one thing that I don't use it because my police nonexistent as they were when I came in I con you sent the way I feel I cannot use that force feeding somebody my disease so well I need to use something that wasn't mine that was my sponsors thinking hi I turned my life over to him I turned my life no M. as in man as the principles that she'd both you can we prisons to me you know I'm

don't get it when a man have a man he was my experience looking in the I phone around to make sure he's doing what he's doing I can but I can I can get it from him if I am willing to receive it because I stated that was I don't put my selfish little self centered when just one side just just stayed what was put in front of me and I told him I was off to do some suggestions for a couple of weeks I did does I didn't completely I've been off to correct his house Gail monies that Travis and I did it he didn't get an example step for to me go away and come back when I've I did it I just did what was put in front of me now you know maybe I just cannot continue to do this

one of the things I have to do in order to live comfortably as ma'am these convictions designed to go to find people who haven't had walked off I don't have to be willing to give them to it it's the twelve steps and twelve suggestion and this is something that never ever ever let you down no you know I could try to meditate my also office I'm sitting there going yeah

you know right now I'm so spiritual if that doesn't cut it to me I'm not going to be other month space is not what this is about this is about whether or not I am willing to bet on spiritual principles and putting fundamentally into my life that's one of those phones and that's what I'm still the same sponsor for for many years because I won't we start he gives me guidance you know them to die so I don't like it you know screw you buddy I'm off this either one of change here I just love what is good for me and I've learned that you know of my experience he

doesn't have to much it needs to be aligned with what's in the book but I need to understand that when I first came in my husband scrambled I just I I just had enough on common sense it was coming in to me because I was willing to listen to a man who had more experience may I was willing to talk to me because it was good for him and I wanted to find here is inclined self interest I am here because it's good for me I had a feeling you you'll be talking the suffering well I will tell you for coffee I will sit down I'll spend time with you because it's good for me hopefully you'll get something from that you know I've I've been around long enough to see many many times and many many guys but they should stick around in the wings to get to live comfortably which means you know but cell phone it means you can have the coolest life have a hunt you know it's like it's not working what was offered for me five calls I want

you can have mine you know fifty percent it's okay no

well I want the best I'm only willing to settle for that I have to be willing to sacrifice

anything to get that I have to be willing you know it's football TV whatever but she's coming on whatever you know it's a nice day whatever I have to be willing to do that I have to be willing to shop thank you

hi

transaction is experienced no black

my name is Andy and I'm a recovered drug addict

to just

hello mentioned it that it was a lot for your Ryan groups like this one when I first came in the you know by brainwashing controlling and everything like that so let me just put people's minds at rest you know

well it's

I came in here because because like with the make along the it is already in use by thirty years ago

hello see check up session to use about twelve years ago

and I did not do that off of the simple program of living is on for a person exactly like me trust that program of Alcoholics Anonymous

I just ran this wonderful wonderful tax you know to text shoot me to live my life you know happy tuition free I just talked about in the text

almost almost two one eight the the worst kind of Georgia junkie and the the big cheese dealer and all of these people all wrapped up into one absolutely pathetic junkie that's my

so I think that's what they're trying

when I when I came in here like I said I I was at my wits end and I love those two pages in the basic text that kind of sums up my whole life this page is one fifty two hundred and fifty three it talks about the boy whistling in the dark that was so long you know I didn't know where to turn who to turn to so my ideas are great and the times are rubbish and it was old or things like that and then it talks about it see the jumping off place you know and you know to quote as it says here

you cannot picture lots of ways

hi trucks and then comes into my account that you're looking with or without drugs you know and that was me I couldn't I couldn't imagine life without drugs and I couldn't imagine with the monitor you know like it like I said like to be a male given three months to live this call may I don't think it did say let's beat me for something and I came in the store will help no I'm nobody's fool than a lot of things in my time but I sure as hell know that someone from the phone electric stuff in my house I'm not going to go to a club

when I came in I heard people that were Schering this message and they had one in one thing in mind to sherry for the newcomer you know just a lot that we recovered if you identify as being an hopeless addict you know that as I am you know this is what we've done usually done you'll get what we call and it was simple as that it really isn't rocket science and there was a deal in this text it says if you want to we have to offer and I willing to make the effort to get at the ready to take certain steps to deal because if you want what we have to offer no if you want what we have there may be a little bit of what he's going as well and if you want what we have to offer the so we've got to offer here is just what the twelve step program away from running a high power of your own understanding because my power it is well I rely on today you know to keep me clean

I have always lived like this happy chosen for you absolutely have a lesson excellent absolutely do a smile every day absolutely you know these again

you know but I only came in to stop taking drugs that told of all somebody because as I said I couldn't live with him anymore concerning couldn't live without it this is my concerns were like four sixty four include like someone to speak let's say you know is there sufficient substrate yes especially more than that you know and it's in the ship it's in this fellowship also experience of some of these people that

the people were touching up and makes

that's the reason I bought this is serious I suffer from a life and death

hello I was going to go into the mucus and yeah so

the only the only report that I had to shut

shut up listen and do as I was told it was again I'm not clever guy like to think I'm quite practical you know and and the practical mereka was performed you know as a result following another man's gardens you know following well he said well he done as powers and nobody ever told me what I needed to do what I must do what should they they told me what they had done to recover and and actually did was follow that men's gardens and you know Hey presto within two days of testing the need to use it last night you know and it's never returns

that

very very simple see I'm a I'm a call it my life was incredibly serious when I came into this program you know because of tough looking credit exteriors today a follow a simple set of suggestions of follow up very simple program because it is simple goes against everything that I am but it's very simple it allows me to live life takes up a lot less serious you know and and I have an amazing life as a result of that the one thing that it does say here which is to make it sums it all up this is the age of America stay with us our own recovery process you know I'm sign old colors I'm humbled by you know I see many many faces before many

some of already reach the the the point of

of pharmacy you know all right picking up that first