The chapter There is a Solution at a Big Book study in Winston-Salem, NC

Kristen, I am an alcoholic.

I'm looking forward to tonight we're we're on the chapter more about alcohol is I'm sorry there is a solution chapter 2 and.

The list the last three weeks we've, we've basically been covering some, some information, some historical information, a little bit about Alcoholics Anonymous and, and some of the things that happened early on. And you know, why the book was written, what, what the fellowship looked like back in the early days. And we've been pretty much those staying with, with step one. And it's going to be that way for a couple more weeks.

There is a whole lot of information in this book on step one. It belabors the concepts that that Bill wants us to understand, that the 1st 100 Alcoholics wants us to understand. It goes over example after example after example of what alcoholism looks like, how it shows up, how it presents, what are what are some of the what you know, there's descriptions of what Alcoholics look like.

There's the different, the different ways that we drink and why we're different than other people. So I'm going to start on the chapter, Chapter 2. There is a solution, but before I do that, I want to quickly jump to a couple of sentences in the chapter.

We agnostics, and there's a reason for that.

This is page 44. I'm just going to read a couple of senses in the in the top of we agnostics that I'm going to jump back to There is a solution in the preceding chapters. You have learned something of alcoholism. So that's the reason for the chapter more about alcoholism and there is a solution. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non alcoholic.

That's something Bill wanted to make clear, the difference between an alcoholic and a non alcoholic.

It's not something that you hear a lot about in discussion meetings and Alcoholics Anonymous anymore. A lot of times they just assume you're alcoholic if you walk through the door. But in these chapters, they take their pains taking about covering the material that each of us needs to be able to identify ourselves as Alcoholics. Or if we're if we're working with somebody or taking somebody through the steps, the information that we need to identify them as.

As Alcoholics. And then it says if when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely.

Or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you're probably alcoholic. Now that's a summation of everything that we're going to go through in the chapter. There is a solution and the chapter more about alcoholism, but I wanted to read that so that maybe when maybe when we're looking at these chapters, we're looking at them a little bit differently.

Than we have in the past. We're looking at them as identifiers, the information that we need to fully concede to our innermost selves, that we're alcoholic and we're powerless over alcohol and without help, it's going to be too much for us.

You can't get too much personal truth about the first step, but you can get too little. I think the people that don't have a sense of urgency when they come into Alcoholics Anonymous and they just kind of sit around and hope to get it through osmosis and and not get busy.

And then end up relapsing. I think that I think that they're either unclear on the first step or or else, you know, or else that they're one of they're, they're one of those people that cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program like Bill says and how it works.

But what I don't want is I don't want somebody who's truly desperate to get over alcohol, get get over their alcohol problem to recover from alcoholism. I don't want somebody who's desperate and willing to not be presented with the correct information.

A lot of times the correct information is not, you know, go do a 90 and 90 or whatever. That's, that's not what they did back in the early days to recover from alcoholism. Is in 90 and 90 a good idea? Absolutely. Absolutely. I like the people who do a 90 and 90 like this. 90 different meetings in 90 days. OK, so that you really get a cross section of what's going on in your area. But back in the day, they didn't, they didn't have to add 2 meetings in the United States.

So how could they really do a 90 and 90? So they got busy. They got busy with the steps. But let's let's get started with the chapter. There is a solution. I'm going to jump around. You don't necessarily have to follow me in the book. If you just listen, you know, and then go over this chapter when you get home or, you know, the next time you you want to study the book, that'll that'll be fine.

There is a solution. We of Alcoholics Anonymous know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill.

Nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink problem.

That's a great statement. Remember, Bill's story proceeds this chapter and it really, really shows. A hopeless alcoholic, he was desperate to separate from alcohol for many, many years before he was able to. And that really is what what a hopeless alcoholic is. Someone who really wants to stop but finds they can't. And it's also the most misunderstood person on the planet.

You know somebody who who swears to you that you know I I never want to drink again.

And then tomorrow they're drunk. If you don't understand alcoholism and you don't understand powerlessness, you, you think they're a lunatic, you know, you think they've lost their mind or they're being dishonest with you or whatever it, but that's how, that's how alcoholism presents. It presents in an utter inability to stay separated from alcohol, no matter how much you want to, no matter what the consequences are.

Of you drinking and we're going to we're going to see this in this in this chapter.

The tremendous fact for everyone of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out upon which we can absolutely agree, upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.

The tremendous fact is that we have discovered a common solution in the day when prior to putting this book together, there were a number of spiritual exercises that these these men actually took. There was a way of living spiritually that they engaged in.

And the people that did that recovered and the people that didn't, you know, maybe they were at best they were, they would stay sober for periods of time, at worst, they, they pretty quickly died because these really were low bottom Alcoholics.

In illness of this sort, and we have come to believe it in illness involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. Now to stay out of controversy, when I talk about alcoholism, I do call in an illness. I happen to believe 100% that alcoholism is a disease, and that's only happened recently.

And I, I became convinced that alcoholism is a disease because of an argument a medical addiction doctor put forth in a movie called Pleasure Unwoven. I highly recommend this movie for anybody who likes, you know, the nuts and bolts of the medical view on alcoholism or addiction. And basically this is the argument that he has.

Uh, people who say alcoholism is a problem of choice use the argument that if you put a gun to somebody sat at a bar and tell them if you're going to take, if you take a drink, I'll blow you away. They're, they're most likely, even if they're alcoholic, they're most likely not going to take a drink. So they're saying, see, it's a matter of choice. They can choose not to drink, but that, but that argument doesn't really hold water because.

With the gun at your head and the glass of whiskey in front of you and you not drinking it. The suffering of alcoholism doesn't stop that craving for alcohol.

Doesn't stop, that's part of an addictive illness and and how they explain it today in medical science for the layman, because there's all kinds of brain chemistry functions that have been studied. But basically what it is, is it's like the reptilian part of your brain. It's the instinctual part of your brain. It gets ideas and those ideas are usually based on survival.

You know, like don't cross the street while cars are coming. These are like in these are like thoughts that we that we have that are for self preservation. Well, what happens is the thought to go across the street and go to the bar and buy whiskey is one thought in there and then you've got other thoughts.

That are like, wow, the last time I drank whiskey, I ended up in a detox and 28 day program and I lost my family and my job. You know, maybe I'd better not drink. You know, that's a thought that's in there too, or the thought that if I if I start drinking whiskey, you know, my parole officers going to give you, I'm going to get a dirty urine.

I'm going back to prison. I better not drink. You know that thought could be in there too. Well, what happens is part of the addiction brain chemical cycle is the thought that a drink would make you feel better goes to the top of the line. And it may not be the smartest.

Thought you have, but it goes to the top of the line and at the top of the line that's what you act on.

Has anybody in here ever sworn off booze and then found themselves at the liquor store or at the bar?

You know, absolutely now. Now, if you really thought about it, wouldn't you have come to the conclusion that going to the liquor store, going to the bar was a bad idea?

We're not stupid people, we just don't have access to that sound reasoning where it concerns alcohol, because part of the addiction cycle is the leapfrogging of the thought process that a drink would make us feel better. And you know, Bill and the boys who put this book together.

Saw this and described it. This is still the best clinical description of alcoholism you'll ever find.

In this book, they basically saw what we're figuring out and being able to prove with science today. They figured this out 75 years ago and we're only just being able to prove it with some of the some of the studies today.

If a person has cancer, all are sorry from for him, and no one is angry or hurt. But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all things worthwhile in life, and engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer. Now isn't that true? Let's let's say, let's say for a minute.

You know 4 arguments. Sake Alcoholism is 100% of disease. OK. It can be classified with heart disease or cancer or any of them.

We don't treat Alcoholics like they have a disease though, so.

Society does it. We look on it like it's like it's a problem, like it's a moral failing. So many people still do as sponsors, as treatment providers for addiction, We, we, we continue this, this stigma and this discrimination against people.

Because they drink. If they drink, you know, you loser, you drink. You know, you got to stick with the winners. The losers are the guys that are drinking. That's that's that's discrimination against somebody with addictive illness, OK. Because you know, if someone is powerless.

How can we blame them for drinking, You know, Would you blame somebody whose cancer came back? Your cancer came back.

You know, and we were helping you and we were supporting you, you know, I mean, would you do that?

No, of course not. So we all have these, these these embedded perspectives on, on Alcoholics. And, you know, we even have this unreasoning prejudice as far as alcoholism is concerned, when really, if we really and truly believe that was a disease, we would insist that the insurance companies pay for it. We would, we would insist that no one could be discriminated against. But you know, we stay out of that.

Because somewhere in the back of our minds, we do kind of think it's a matter of choice. We do kind of think it's a matter of, you know, how moral somebody is. You know how they're out. You know, I'm not drinking today because I'm doing a better job morally than somebody you know. It's, it's, it's, it's not the right way to look at it.

Alcoholism brings a misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents. Anyone can increase the list.

Now they're talking about how we can help as recovered Alcoholics.

It says here, but the X problem drinker who has found this solution, What solution? The 12 steps who is properly armed with facts about himself. What facts? Well, the facts about the problem, which is step one, and the solution, which is steps two through 12.

We need to be properly armed with those facts about ourselves that come from our own experience. In other words, if we're going to be of real help to someone, we need to have gone through the steps. We need to have an awakened spirit as a result of those 12 steps to be able to be of maximum benefit.

To these other Alcoholics, because we need to be armed with the facts about ourselves and you know, we have to have an experience of recovery, it says we can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.

It's hard enough to convince somebody that they need to go through the 12 steps. It's hard enough if you've got the experience and you can say to them and convince them that that that you know what it's like, you know what they're feeling right now. You've had similar experiences. You've blown your life up.

As you know you've blown your life up to at times, you know you've gotten the DUI's, you you know you you've tried to get away from booze and you couldn't. You've you've had you've you've you've had misunderstandings and doubts about what the heck is going on in your own drinking life. Also, you can help convince somebody that you know how know what they feel like.

Know where they are because you've been there yourself, and if you can do that, then it's even then. It's hard enough to convince somebody of the to to engage in the recovery process, but if they don't believe you know what you're talking about, there's very little chance you'd ever be able to convince them to do the things they need to do to recover.

The man who's making the approach has had the same difficulty that he obviously knows what he's talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of holier than thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful, No due to pay, no access to ground.

People to please, no lectures to be endured. These are the conditions we have found most effective. After such an approach, many take up their beds and walk again. Now two things they're talking about what what they're going to cover in the chapter working with others. The chapter working with others covers the approach.

On the first visit, on the second visit, how you approach a prospect, all that information is in the chapter working with others, but they're giving us a little bit of a clue about what what we're going to need to, what we're going to need to do after our own personal recovery. None of this makes a sole vocation this work, nor do we think it's affecting. This would be increased if we did. We feel that the elimination of our drinking is but a beginning.

That's a powerful sentence.

Alcoholics Anonymous is not about sobriety alone. Is sobriety a good idea? You know, I'd recommend it. You know, if you're alcoholic, probably. Probably. Sobriety is going to be infinitely superior than than drunkenness.

But that's only a beginning. This isn't about sobriety, it's about recovery.

It's about increasing your quality of life. It's about becoming more effective with personal relationships. It's about getting to a point where you're not in pain because if you're emotional nature, you're not suffering from depression and anxiety and guilt and remorse and shame and self-centered fear and all that stuff. You've gotten to a point where where you've recovered and being recovered also has to do with being emotionally healthy.

Most of the time so.

That's really what we have to offer here. We have to offer a whole lot more than mere sobriety. When I came into AA, I would have been happy just to be able to stay away from boots because I was shooting myself in the foot. I don't know about anybody else, but I was getting Duis like you wouldn't believe. I'll share, I'll share a couple of DUI stories with you and.

Just keep in mind that I'm not a stupid guy, you know, and, and make sure you're thinking about that when I'm, when I'm explaining these stories.

I'm in this bar one night, and Andrea actually was there with me. This is 1975. OK, I'm in this bar. Pittsburgh, New Jersey.

They're playing country music and and there's, you know, there's square dance and we're just, we're just having a hoot nanny, you know, and I and one of the last things I remember is chugging pictures of beer. Okay, now that is not social drinking. Okay, anybody in here if if you have experience.

Chugging pictures of beer, you know, that's a little bit abnormal, but I was chugging pictures of beer, allowed myself to become overserved, as was, as was normal for me. And what happened was, you know, my ride home disappeared, so I had to brave the roads myself.

So so I'm driving. I made it about a mile and a half away from away from the the bar and I hit some black ice and the car slidel slid around backwards and smashed into a bridge abutment going backwards about 40 miles an hour. I was thrown out the back window. I, I remember looking up and my legs were still in the car, but I was laying on the trunk of the car looking up and seeing the stars.

Now you know, I shook myself off. I, you know, I got up and the car was still running, believe it or not,

but it had, you know, it had three flat tires. There wasn't a window left in it. It was bent like a boomerang. You know, the lights were facing like this. But what do you do?

I am in the right room.

You know why I say that? Because that is the right answer. You know, I'm going home, you know so so I start driving this thing, OK, and it's got 3 flat size. I'm going wagonable. Get a van wagon if we get a van. And I remember driving by a cop taking radar,

OK, He's like, he didn't even pull me over. He walked me over. OK, so, so, so. And he reaches in the window and he starts shaking me. Where did you have that accident? I'm like, what accident? Observing a glass flying out of my hair.

DUI number 11975. You know, cops were cops were always hassling me. And he goes, he goes, where are you going? I go Basking Ridge. He goes, that's 43 miles.

Got any tires?

Am I? Leave me alone, you know. I know. I know what I'm doing.

Oh God, I'm going to Fast forward all the way to my last DUI, OK? This one happened in like 19. I think it was 19841983. I'm back, I'm back. I'm living back with mom. Okay? Because because you know, where do you go when you're like a macho guy? The cops are after you. You lost one more job, you know, and the wife and the kids are gone. And, you know, the bill collectors are after you.

There's people who want to break your legs. And you say to yourself, I wonder if mom needs any help around the house, you know,

so,

so I'm living back. I'm living back in New Jersey. And, you know, with mom and, and some, and some poor old roommate, you know, who didn't know how bad I was at that time, decided to call me up. He was in town. Hey, let's, let's go out drink it. So we go out drinking and I remember bits and pieces. You remember, you remember.

What are they called? Hazy recollections. Do you know what I mean by that? Where do you remember little bits? And you know, you can kind of put a little bit of the night together. Well, I remember being in this bar called Gasoline Alley, and I am way drunk, Okay, I go up. I go up to the bartender and I go, bartender, if I were you, I wouldn't even serve me. And he goes, well, why are you saying that? I go because I'm drunk out of my mind.

And he goes well, for being so honest, what do you have? It's on the House. OK, so so I go, I'll have a triple bourbon. OK. And he made three things of there's this much room in the glass for for coke, for bourbon and Coke, right? It takes the spritzer and he holds it over to glass and I go

and he goes like this, you know, and, and I start drinking. I start drinking. I'm about halfway through this drink and I'm looking around and I see, I see a table of very attractive women sitting there talking and having a drink. And I think to myself they would benefit greatly.

I, you know, from my presence, you know, I,

I could really lighten up, you know, their life a little bit here. So, so I start heading across the room toward this table of women, and I get about halfway there and they look over and they see me coming. And it's like they're like,

yeah, they're horrified. And. And I get, I get all

to the table and I trip and, and I land on their table and knock all their drinks into their lap and everything is so my buddies are grabbing me, they're taking me out to the car. I end up, I end up back over this guys house. I end up back over this guys house. And I don't remember much, but I think I got in an argument with him and you know, it was his parents house and had a problem with how his parents were living in their own house or something else.

You know, they said something to me. You know how that is what you say, you know,

and and I had to leave. I had to leave really quick. So again, I'm over served and I'm driving now. Supposedly I crossed the double yellow. OK, You know how cops are supposed now. It comes up, he pulls me over. I pull over, comes up, he knocks in the window. You know, I roll into the officer and he goes license, registration, insurance card. So they're in the glove compartment. You know, it's my mother's car,

so I'm reaching over and I'm going through, I'm going through the glove compartment looking for him and I'm going through and I'm going through and I'm going through. And finally, the hell with this. I grabbed the entire contents of the glove compartment. Just hand it to the cop, okay? There's maps and packages of tissues and hair brushes and, you know, pens and, and out of the car, you know. Oh God. So he did. He did some kind of field sobriety. I remember, I remember hazy recollections. Remember,

I remember being in the Police Department later that night being filmed. Anybody in here ever have their DUI thing filmed? Oh, I see some heads turning. Have you ever seen the video of that? Is it, is that horrifying? I mean, you need therapy after after something like that. But anyway, here I am. I'm I'm getting felt. And I thought I did a really good job because I can remember nailing the ABC's

OK. It has nothing to do with. I learned them when I was 5,

but I know I nailed them. So I hire this lawyer. You know, I get this. I wake up with the summons, I hire this lawyer. I tell you know I refuse a breath lodge and everything. We're going to fight this miscarriage of justice. I'll tell you what, I know I nailed the ABC's. And so. So what happens is I hire this $1500 lawyer, gets all suited up and we go up to the police station to view the DUI video.

OK now I knew I was in trouble when I went in there because the cop that handed us the VHS tape was

is going

and we put it in and we press play and I am horrified. I mean if you have never seen a video of yourself tongue chew and knee walk and not able to operate your own pants zipper drunk, you are missing something.

OK, anyway,

and I nailed the ABC's, right? It gets to the ABC's. Here's how I nail them.

Hey,

can I have a cigarette?

And I'm like, Oh my God. And there's there's actual video where they've got me walking the line. I'm hanging on to the cop. I was just horrible

and my head is like sinking in shame. But but I spent $1500 for this lawyer. So he's taking notes and he's got the the three piece suit. He's very serious. And it gets to the end of this video and the cop goes, Mr. Schroeder, you know, we're going to turn the video camera off. But before we do that,

we'd just like to ask you, is there anything you would like to add?

And I, that's exactly what I said. I said, oh, no. I look over at the camera and I go like this, right? I'm like, Oh my God,

the attorney who's been real, you know, real. So he breaks down laughing. He's like

five and averaging so stupid in my life. Law. Have you had any chance of eating this? Wah, you just blow it and I'm like, oh,

I guess we'll play, you know?

No,

now think about it. You know I had a really bad experience in 1975. Why am I still drinking and driving in 1983? Why have I had three DUI? Why have I totaled 9 cars in drunken blackouts? Why do I still continue to do that? It doesn't make any sense because I'm not stupid

getting my license back for 1/3 DWI. I want to tell this story. I had to go to Wayne Motor Vehicle all right,

getting my license back. I got drunk to go get my license back and they didn't want to give me the paperwork because I was quite obviously drunk getting my license back for 1/3 DUI at the motor vehicle.

Now, you know, I mean, you got to you got to think about this. This is this is how alcoholism can present by being incredibly stupid where it concerns alcohol.

It doesn't mean that we're stupid people. It means where alcohol is concerned, we just can't see right from wrong. We can't see truth from false. We don't know how much trouble we're in.

What's wrong with having a vodka or two before I go stand in line at the motor vehicle? You know what's really wrong is a free country, isn't it? Don't they sell alcohol legally? It's a it's A at the store. What's the problem?

You know, that's the way I that's the way I would think.

And I thought, I thought was drinking and driving. I thought, you know, if you're going to be driving, you should, you should drink. You should face traffic with confidence. You know what I mean?

I mean, that's just kind of the way I thought it's it's incorrect thinking. It's insane

thinking, but it's thinking that that because we suffer from alcoholism, a lot of times that stuff makes sense to us. And now it doesn't make a lot of sense to the cop that's pulled you over, but it makes a lot of sense to us. You know, anybody in here have Duis in their history?

Anybody in here have a lot of DUI's in their history? There you go.

Oh man,

right. They're talking about this book. We've concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to task our combined experience and knowledge. So the 1st 100, which we're really about the 1st 80, you know, there were a lot of people going in and out at that time.

It really is their combined experience and their combined knowledge. Because what happened is when these first chapters were being written, Bill with Bill was getting them written with Hank Parkhurst and Hank Secretary, you know, somewhere in Newark, NJ. And, and they would turn out these chapters and then they would send them to Akron and then they would bring them to the New York meetings and the meetings that get togethers were all about. Let's read these chapters and see what, see if they're right, see if they make sense, see if we can make them better.

And so for a good year or so, these chapters were being read at the Akron and the New York meetings and many suggestions were being made and many revisions. There was probably 100 rewrites to the first four or five chapters in this book. And so it really is the first four or five chapters really are the combined experience of the early as

they knew what worked. I mean that if it worked, they were there, they were sober. If it if it wasn't working, they were gone

over. On page 20, it says if you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may be asking what do I have to do?

That's that's the thing where we, we can get this wrong with alcoholism, we can get this wrong. We don't, we don't ask what do we have to do. We ask things like what do we need to know?

Can you tell me how to figure this out? This is a problem. I've got a drinking problem. Problems are meant to be solved. How do I solve this problem? Well, the the right questions are more important really than the right answers a lot of times. And what we need to be asking is what do I need to do?

Because it's a recovery is about what you do, not about what you think or what you come to understand or what you learn. It's more about how you're it's more about behavior modification than it is about understanding.

It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions. Specifically, what question The question. What do I have to do? We shall tell you what we have done. Before going into a detailed discussion, It may be well to summarize some points as we see them. Now here's the description. There's no definition of alcoholism. It's very, very hard to define alcoholism. You don't want to. You don't want to to to hem it in with

explicit parameters because it manifests in many different ways with many different people. There are some things that are common to all of us,

but not every case of alcoholism is is presenting in the exact same way. But what you what, what they realize they could do is give a description. Now, how you turn these descriptions into something you can use is you turn these statements into questions and you put your own

in there. I'll give you an example of how that's done.

How many times did people say to Chris, I can take it to leave it alone? Why can't you? Did anybody ever say that to you,

Chris? Why don't you? Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?

Chris can't handle his liquor. Chris, why don't you try beer and wine and lay off that hard stuff? I heard that a lot because they were thinking, you know, it's 8:00 in the morning, why do you have a quart of vodka with you? You know, I don't even start drinking beer until 5:00 in the afternoon. It's like, shut up.

Chris's willpower must be weak. He could stop if he wanted to. Here's a great one. She's such a sweet girl. I think Chris would want to stop for her sake.

I'm drinking because of her. You know,

the doctor told him that if he ever drank again, it would kill him. But there he is all lit up again. How about the judge told him that? You know, if you ever drink and drive again, you know you're not, you're going to, you're not going to see your license until they're jets and mobiles, you know what I mean? I've heard that one. Now, these are commonplace observations on drinkers, which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. Now here's the here's a brilliant part of this book,

Ignorance and misunderstanding. They, they really did understand alcoholism.

There's a lot of treatments. There's there's a lot, there's a lot of drug programs. There's a lot of, lot of people out there who are supposed to understand us that really don't. We see these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different than ours. We are a distinct entity,

bodily and mentally, different than our fellows. If we're alcoholic, we need to understand that, we need to embrace that and we need to concede that that we are different. Our reaction to alcohol is different than Aunt Fannies and Uncle Fudds. They can have a couple of glasses of wine and then they start to feel it.

You ever drink with people that start to feel it on you? My God, that's the whole point.

Of course you feel it.

Why would you drink, you know?

Here's here's some, here's some, here's some stuff that we need to pay attention to because remember I took us to the first paragraph of we Agnostics. We hope we've made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non alcoholic. And here's where it starts to show a description of a moderate drinker, a hard drinker, and an alcoholic.

So let's pay attention to this.

Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely. If they have good reason for it, they can take it or leave it alone. That's usually not us. If we get, if we, if we find our way into Alcoholics Anonymous, it's usually not us. There are moderate drinkers that end up in here because they've gotten a DUI or a court order or whatever, but they get the hell out as soon as they can because they realize it's an overreaction to a problem that they can handle. And they can, if they're a moderate drinker,

they can just not do that anymore. I wish I could just not do that anymore. I kept doing it.

Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically or mentally. So this is somebody who's drinking a lot of booze. It's impairing them physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If but if a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, change your environment or the warning of a doctor becomes operative. This man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome

and may even need medical attention. He may even need to go to Happy Hills just to just to break the habit. But it's just a habit. It's not in the it's not an alcoholism. It's, you know, a habit. Now, I had a roommate in college, his name was Jeff. And every single week

we would plan on going, getting into a blackout and causing trouble. We say let's go have a blackout. I mean, we're crazy drinkers. I was a bourbon drinker and he was a rum drinker. And we would both buy quartz of our stuff and we would drink until we passed out on the floor. There was a lot of times we caused a lot of trouble. We had a lot of car wrecks. We embarrassed ourselves in a number of ways. We annoyed people and you know,

people thought we were absolutely crazy

and we drank just like each other. What happened was he met a girl and he fell in love with this girl and this girl saw him one time drinking with me and said Oh no, no, no, no, no. You are going to be doing that again if you want to be in my presence and guess what

he moderated for the rest of his life. He'll have one or two drinks he will never get drunk again. All right that was at that was a heavy drinker who who with sufficient reason you know I'm you know I'm going to break up with you is able to moderate now, but that's not that was not me see, I was an alcoholic and he was a heavy drinker. We looked exactly alike and we got the DUI's the exact same way. And we and we we started the.

On fire the same way and, and, and we would leave the we would leave the, the chicken in the toaster oven while we passed out the same way. And we, you know, we would come to and there'd be smoke everywhere and there'd be a meteorite, you know, in the, in the toaster of it. We did all that stuff. But the but the difference was,

with sufficient reason this guy was able to moderate, he just gave it up. It was more fun being with this woman than it was running around drinking with me.

But what about the real alcoholic?

Start off as a moderate drinker. He may or may not become a continuous hard drinker, but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink. This is one part of step one. This is the physical craving.

Is anybody in here relate to this? I mean, sometimes it's very difficult being completely honest with ourselves about this. Our ego wants us to say we just changed our mind. You know, like, like it's Friday and we've got the paycheck and we're just going to stop off for a couple of drinks and we change our mind and blow the whole paycheck. I think I'll blow the whole paycheck and, you know, come to somewhere in in a field Sunday afternoon.

Sounds like a plan,

all right. Our egos want us to be in control. Nobody know who among us wishes to admit complete defeat. That we have absolutely no control. None of us. So we tell ourselves lies. Alcoholics. One of the things I used to hear in a meetings all the time was was denials. Not a river in Egypt.

Denial is not what Alcoholics suffer from. You know what denial is? Denial is saying the 12 traditions are not up on a shade behind me. OK, that's denial. They're not there. Those 12 decision 12 traditions are not there. That's denial. Delusion is me actually thinking there's not there, actually believing they're not there. There's two different things. The alcoholic suffers from delusion, which is infinitely worse

than denial. Denials, just a lot a lie. Delusion is an insanity.

So here's the fellow who's been puzzling you. You especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. Here's where I put myself into it. Does Chris do absurd, incredible, tragic things of all drinking? You have no idea. He's is he a real checklist? I used to answer the door with a handgun. It would be. It would be Girl Scouts selling cookies.

You know, I'd be drinking or I'd be like be drinking at the bar. Lot of, lot of let it and I

cross a cross a line and somebody would say something. I'd want to take my highball glass and smash it through their face. You know, I'd be, you know what I mean? I just snap and all of a sudden I'm psychotic,

you know, Shekel and hide, you know it,

You seldom mildly intoxicated. You know, there's a lot of people out there who just put on a buzz. You know, I knew a lot of beer drinkers, you know, they they would, they would just kind of maintenance drinks and beers and just have like a mellow, you know, just good. I'm I'm good. They would never get out of control. They never crash any cars. They never get at the crazy fights or anything. They just kind of kept it cool.

That's not me, you know, I was a blackout drinker. I would start drinking and I would go into a blackout so fast it would make your head spin. I would be sober. It's 5:00 when I went to the liquor store and in a blackout by 7. And that really cut started to cut down on my social life.

He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature, but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day and he frequently becomes disgusting, even dangerously antisocial. Did Chris get disgusting and dangerously antisocial? You know it.

There wasn't anybody left in my life in the last two years of my drinking. Anybody that had any sense at all was like, it is not good being in the skies presence. He may be funny, he may be a lot, he may be a blast to be with, but he crosses this line. He turns into the Charles Manson.