The Old Town speakers meeting in La Jolla, CA

And now I'd like to introduce our main speaker for tonight, Rick W from Oxnard.

I

Hi everybody. My name is Rick Wilson and I'm an alcoholic.

Oxnard in the House.

What a great meeting and

you know, I, you know, really, I appreciate our first speaker tonight. First of all, I'll be known as the tall speaker and

at least in my mind

and,

and the best alcohol did for me, the best alcohol

for me was make me feel 5 foot 7 inches tall. So I want to know what he was drinking. Do you ever go to a meeting and a guy said, Hey, I haven't found a necessary actually I did want to I did went to a meeting. English major here. I have gone to a meeting and recently where the speaker or the the leader stood up and said, I haven't found it necessary to drink in over six years. And at the break I cornered him and I said, Hey, what are you talking about? You drunk last Saturday night.

And he said, Oh, yeah, but that wasn't necessary.

And

sorry about that.

I don't think that's what I said. Is it?

OK, I got my eye on you.

This really is a wonderful addition to Alcoholics Anonymous. And to me it just proves that Alcoholics Anonymous is really a varied and, and vast group of people. You know, and, and I would ask you to look around the room and really just by looking at somebody and tell them whether they're an alcoholic or not, you know, really it's a good looking group of people. And with very few exceptions,

you really can't tell the alcoholic in the room, right?

Alcoholic behavior is a misnomer unless you're drinking. I think an alcoholic thinking. I like to say don't confuse an alcoholic who is thinking with alcoholic thinking.

Is this being transcribed? No,

I love Alcoholics Anonymous. I really do. I'm a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous who has recovered from the disease of alcoholism As a result of working these steps. And with your permission, I'd like to take the last 10 or 15 minutes of my talk and, and, and go through the steps. Is that OK with you guys

and show you how I do it? So

we can do it at 8 minutes, but I like to stretch it out to 10.

But the other thing I don't want you to do is to take my brevity as insult to Alcoholics Anonymous because I am an, a, a cheerleader. I love Alcoholics Anonymous and I know you guys do too. Because this is a great meeting. And I like to thank you for asking me to come here tonight. And my, my, my buds who drove down with me tonight to, to, to be here with me. And do you ever get in a meeting and you say, hey, you know, there was like 50 years of sobriety there?

We figured it out on the way down

that there was over 100 years of sobriety with four people in my car, and I got to tell you, that doesn't impress me at all. You know, I've never thought

you know. So what? You know, really.

Hey, that's really good stuff. No, that means you got 4 old guys. You know, that's what you got.

Going back to drinking, whether it's necessary or not, you know I can't. Alcoholics Anonymous and sometime in July, I wasn't planning on being, I didn't come for the right reasons, but I came here sometime July back in 1977. And I'd like to tell you that it hasn't been necessary for me to drink since that time, but it's been necessary for me to drink at least 100 times. You know, it was a while back, back in 1977, I was 26 years old and my brother died as a result of the Vietnam.

It was necessary for me to drink because that could have been me. You know, his number. He was born the day after it was back, I mean, the day before me, two years apart and the draft. He, it was just his anyways, you know, it's my brother. When my mom passed away, you know, a little French Canadian lady married to an animal, my dad, you know, and when she passed away, it was necessary for me to drink. Hell, when my girlfriend left me, it was necessary for me to drink

when she came back.

It was necessary for me to drink, but I got to tell you, because of the power that's in this room and these rooms and rooms like this

and the power of Alcoholics Anonymous, I stand here before you and I have not had a drink, even though it was absolutely necessary for me to drink. I have not had a drink since sometime in July back in 1977. So it means I got 33 years of sobriety.

Yeah, right on, Tim,

dude. Yeah. Doesn't impress these guys either, you know,

And I don't know if it oppresses me, but you know who it impresses? The guy with 32 years of sobriety, you know,

stay sober because I know it doesn't impress the newcomers. The newcomers are thinking, Oh my God, how old is he? It's kind of,

it's got to be like 40 or something, you know what I mean?

Not quite that old, but

so I, I, I, I don't know, you know, I'm a member of, you know, like I say, I'm a cheerleader of Alcoholics Anonymous. I love AAI go to a meeting. I've been sober almost 33 or a little over 33 years and I go to a meeting every day. And when I came in here, nobody said to me, go to 90 meetings in 90 days. You know, you know what that's like. I got sober in July. And that's like saying, Hey, come over here, you, you can't have a beer all summer long.

Isn't that what that's like 90 meetings? And that what they told me was go to another meeting, go to a meeting today,

go to a meeting today. And if you can go to one today, you can go to 1:00 tonight.

And that's what I did. I went to meetings. Oh, by the way, I came here for all the wrong reasons. Anybody here for the right reasons?

No. Yeah, couple of us. Yeah, that's good.

I came here for all the wrong reasons. So if you're here tonight, welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous. I got to tell you, I was in the bathroom washing my hands. And, you know, I always wash my hands before I go to the bathroom and

there's a guy in there and he said, hey, are you the speaker? And I guess he didn't recognize me. And I had a tie on. So, by the way, I wear a tie tonight because I believe when in Rome do as the Romans do. I don't normally wear a tie. You know, I really don't. I think that people can wear a tie and disrespect Alcoholics Anonymous as much as a guy wearing, you know, flip flops coming in, you know what I mean? So I don't put much credence in that. But if you asked me to wear a tie, I'll wear one, you know, 'cause when in Rome, do as the Romans do. So if you're an addict here tonight and you want to fight, just tell us, hey,

but if you want to get along with the group, lie to us and tell us that you're an alcoholic too, and then you can have coffee and cake and nobody will.

Boy, that didn't go over,

but that's what I did. I came here for all the wrong reasons. And OK, so I guess I'll get to the end of my story. I was 26 years old. I was trying to commit suicide. I wanted it to be painless and temporary. And while I was figuring out, while I was figuring out the temporary part, I figured that I would check into Camarillo State Hospital.

OK, liars, Camarillo State Hospital. And back then, you know, so because I was, if you get certified crazy, they'll pay you right to go to, to, to, to, to, they'll just pay you to not do nothing. So I was trying to get certified crazy. And if you're trying to do that, I want to warn you a little bit. They don't have the checks waiting there for you. You have to apply for them, which I thought was inconvenient. And so

they gave us Bugler, you know, until I checks came in, you know, Bugler tobacco. I guess they still do that. Oh, they don't even let you smoke in there anymore. But,

and then they don't give crazy people caffeinated coffee, so they gave me decaf Folgers crystals and warm water and bugler. And I, I couldn't roll a joint and I couldn't roll this bugler very well. So I'd be smoking it and spitting it out. Somebody told me they had an, a, a meeting on Monday, Wednesday and Friday down the hall every every Monday, Wednesday and Friday night. And they had cookies in there and the guys and gals that would come in from H and I thank you very much for H and I. You saved my life.

You brought in filter tip cigarettes Marlboro one hundreds and you put them in a jar and you left them over on the coffee table, wherever the coffee table was,

and you left them alone and turned you back. And so I would steal and you brought them in for me, but I stole them.

So I would get filter tip cigarettes, caffeinated coffee, oh Hallelujah, hot caffeinated coffee, cookies. And what I thought then was the smell of non crazy perfume. And I lent differently, but

so that's why I came to a A. Back then you could smoke in the meetings.

You know, As a matter of fact, I think it was mandatory because if you want,

if you went right back, if you went chain smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee incessantly, we'd say to you, hey, maybe maybe you're not an alcoholic. You know,

there's try Allen on or something. But do we have any members of Al Anon in the House?

Welcome. Welcome.

How'd you get out?

I'm just kidding. I'm the smart guy. I'm going to, some people are going to thank me on the way out and other people are going to kick me in the butt. So,

so that's how I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. But before I got there, let me tell you a couple of stories to let you know that I'm really on the drunk. I went to high school for four years, quit my sophomore year,

doesn't make me stupid. It makes me uneducated. And one time I was driving down the street and I realized that I had to throw up. And then, and I'll tell you a little bit of background about that, is that the reason why I was had to throw up is because I had a glass of whiskey in my between my legs and I was pulling down whiskey. And everybody knows that whiskey's poison, right?

And I must have got paid because I would rather drink whiskey than beer or wine because I'm a, a urinate a lot. And the less intake, the less outgoing, you know, I always thought that going to the bathroom was a waste of time. So I would like to streamline my drinking. So I would drink stray whiskey if I could. Hell, I used to take needles and stick them in my arms and put things where where. I like that.

I just, I just like to do that, you know, I'm just a weird guy and

I'm thinking about that now. I can't think of anything else. What was I doing? I'm driving down the street,

I'm driving down the street and I'm drinking whiskey and I'm going to have to throw up. But I got to tell you this that I, there isn't a part in my part of my life that I haven't not always drank, you know, and prior to this, I guess I've been drinking Boones farm apple wine, the sweet wine. You know, it's not really apple wine. They just make it near an apple orchard so they can call it apple wine. And, and I don't know about you, but wine has a especially that sweet

expensive stuff. You know, that was like 2 bucks a bottle, wasn't it? It was expensive and

it would have a loosening effect on my bowels and

whiskey always wanted to make me throw up till I get some in me right. So I was headed out. I think it was a Wednesday night. I don't know why I remember that, but I'm driving down the street and I'm trying to drink whiskey and I'm going to have to throw up. And I pull off to the side of the road. And I did get off to the side of the road, but I didn't get the door open and I threw up and I didn't want to get it on the inside of my car. So I,

which seemed like a good idea at the time, but

it, it came out of every hole in my head, you know what I mean,

Threw my fingers up on the windshield all over the front of me, out of my ears. I really believe, I think there is a tube that goes there. But it was just a horrible mess. And, and at the same time, I filled my pants with Boone Farm Apple wine.

And,

and I'd like to be able to sit here tonight or stand here tonight and tell you that I was mortified, that that was a humiliating point of my life. And I got to tell you that I was inconvenienced as what I was, you know,

I, because this meant I had to go home and I wasn't going to stop doing what I was doing. I was going to go home, clean this up and continue on with my life the way that it was because I needed to get what I what I got from alcohol. You know, you know what I'm talking about. If you're an alcoholic, I needed to get that. And so I threw up a little bit, you know, on the inside of the car, but I'm sitting there in this, you know, there's

all over the inside of the car. And so I didn't know what to do. You know, I couldn't see out the windshield. So I turned the windshield wipers on and

had no effect because it's all on the insides. You know,

Bill, thank Brad, by the way, is the one who got me to speak here tonight. So if you have any problems with,

you can see him. But that's the story of my life. You know, I went home and I cleaned up the car, you know, hosted out, changed my clothes, hopefully I took a shower and I continued to go home.

But it worked. Really where it all started was in Byfield, MA. Are you a maniac? Where about Bath, man? Oh, my God. Yeah, Me. And you got to talk. I come from a small town in New England, small town in in Massachusetts called Byfield. And. And I was standing out in the ballpark one day about 10 or 11 years old. I don't, I forget really how old I was, but

I was trying to muscle down. We stole some whiskey and I was trying to get it down South. I could see what was going on and and with this whiskey stuff And and before that, I got to tell you that I grew up at the time that I grew up in was really small. My dad was a town drunk and you were instructed by your folks not to hang around with guys like me. Then they'd say, I told you not to hang around with those Wilson boys, you know, and I'd be right there. And I thank God, you know, these guys are, you know, sensitive. You know, I'm standing right there for crying out loud and,

and, and and the stuff. If you grew up in an alcoholic family, you know what I'm talking about. And if you didn't, I don't know if I can really explain it to you,

but there was a lot of ugliness that happened in my house at night when my dad came home, you know, And so when I went to school, I couldn't look at anybody in the eye because I felt ashamed of who I was and where I live. I mean, when you drove by my house, it was obvious. You know, there's a Wilsons, you know, it's painted three different colors, you know, in the lawnmower halfway through the lawn and, you know, a couple of junk cars. And, you know, it's just, it just wasn't a pretty sight, you know? And, and I went to school and, and I couldn't look at anybody in the eye. And I'd walk around like this, you know, and I started recently in church.

I, that's a lot because I haven't been in church other than tonight for a while. But I heard a song, you know, over the past few years that talked about God being the glory and the lifter of my head. And I got to tell you that day in Byfield, MA, in that ballpark, alcohol was the glory and the lifter of my head. Because what happened was I walked into the ballpark looking like this and I took a drink of alcohol. And boy, it just rocked me back on my heels, relaxed my shoulders, made me feel 5 foot 7 inches tall, you know, and it changed my gaze from here to here. And not

people noticed. It didn't look like a big deal, but it made all the difference in the world to me. I could start for the first time ever that I can remember, I could look at people in the eye and I felt OK. And that's why I've never, till till this day actually, I have never tried to quit drinking. I've never wanted to quit drinking. I got tricked into it and I'll tell you about that in a minute. But I never try to quit drinking because alcohol did wondrous things for me. It made me feel OK. And then I took a couple more drinks and then I thought, what the hell

in that, pal? You know, it really did change who I thought I was, you know, and my first drunk driving, I was about 15, you know, before a driver's license, I had a bunch of drunk driving's. You know, the last one was really expensive and it was $175. And yeah, I know it's, it was horrible. It was a horror. Or 10 days in LA County jail.

So I took the LA county jail. Do you ever been to LA County jail for 175 bucks? Boy I wish I could have paid it. Anyways, wasn't a smart move. But that's OK because I've made a lot of stupid moves in my life. One time I'm driving down the street and I wake up, which is exciting.

Like I say, I went to high school for four years. Doesn't make me stupid, makes me uneducated. I had this sense that I was going to be in an accident and I was just like that,

but I got to get away because I don't have a driver's license.

So I'm driving away from this accident. And I realized within a very short period of time, my chest hurts because I broke it on the broke the steering wheel on my chest that my head was bleeding because I put it halfway through the windshield. And then I've knocked out my front teeth and the car wasn't in much better shape. And I realized that I wasn't going to be able to get away, but it wasn't going to make it, you know, So I drove, I don't know, maybe a half a block. And I got out of the car and I threw the keys down and I started to run. And the reason why this was was because it wasn't my car.

So I could have got away, right?

If I got away, it wasn't my car. So hey, it's not my car. And the other thing is I said I don't have a driver's license. And the reason why I don't have a driver's license is I lost it for drunk driving. And I don't know how old I was, maybe 17 or 18 years old, maybe 19. So I'm hooking it, you know, that's what we call it back then hoofing it. And I'm running through the keys down and started to run. And I didn't realize this, but there was a cop behind me. Watch the whole thing.

And as I'm running, he says those words that I've always hated to hear from cops, he said. Hey, Rick and

uneducated, not stupid. I realized that even if I did get away that it would just be in the morning before he got there. So I just threw up my hands and I thought, you know, what could I have done differently? You know, and my front teeth had knocked out. So I'm talking funny and, and whistling funny and Foo Foo Foo and and that kind of tickles me. But I look around and I realize that this is a situation. This is a serious situation. And what could I have done differently? Because I'm a get her away with what can I do differently to get it? You know, what could I have done? Maybe if I took that last turn, the 1st doctor came

mind was Rick, if you weren't drinking this, whatever would have happened.

If you weren't drinking this never would have happened, you know? And the second thought that came to my mind almost as quickly

was that if, if this is the price that I've got to pay to get what alcohol gives me.

Amen.

I mean, I just smashed up somebody else's car, knocked out my teeth, broke the steering wheel on my chest. Once again, I'm being arrested for whatever it is. They're going to arrest me for it. And if this is the price that I've got to pay to get what alcohol gives me because you understand what alcohol gives me. Alcohol makes me feel OK. What do you want? What do you want? My family. You want my You can't have my mom. You want my wife. You want. What do you want? I'll give it to you.

And you know what? The truth of the matter is, is this didn't happen every time I drank.

You know, it only happened 2-3, maybe four times a year.

And if that's the price, I'm in because I got to have what alcohol gives me. So with that kind of attitude, by the time I'm 26, I'm ready to die. There's no fanfare. There's nobody around to write a note to. I mean, six of us were living in a one bedroom apartment in Burbank. It was, I mean, they didn't, you know, if you weren't there, it was just a little bit more breathing room, you know. And so I checked into Camarillo State Hospital, like I said, for all the wrong reasons. And I walked out. There was a nice young lady there and I said, hi, my name is Rick and I'm not an alcoholic.

And she said, well, what are you doing here then? And I thought, God, I'm being rejected in a mental institution.

This isn't going very well. But it was good while I was there because the checks were going to come in. You know what, having the checks gonna come in, it's almost like drinking, right? Do you ever get a ball when you need to drink really bad and you take the bottle and you open it and those little things click off, click, click,

and your whole body relaxes? I'll speak for me. My whole body relaxes and I almost don't even need to take this drink anymore because I know the comfort that's going to come when I do. And that is enough to almost make me not have to drink. Oh, I'm going to drink it. But the feeling that I have is so powerful

and I drank,

so I come to alcohol. That's like having the checks come in. So I'm there, you know, hell, I became, what did they call it? I was president of the patients council. I we lobbied to get the swimming pool opened or closed. I don't know what we did, but but one of the things that I did was I went to a, a meetings, you know, and I didn't know anything about how I knew this, that I wasn't an alcoholic. Went to therapy. Ever been to therapy? Wonderful stuff, wonderful stuff. My therapist told me, Hey, you know what you guys got to do? You guys got to go to home, not home.

Oh, you were there too, huh?

You got to go back to your dorm and you got to write a letter, and you got to put the blame of your alcoholism where it belongs on your parents.

So I said, OK, I'm a quick learner. I don't listen to all of it, you know? So I go back to my room and I'm writing this thing and it says, hi, mom, it's me, Rick. I'm in California now, and I know I haven't talked to you in a couple of years, but I'm in California and I'm in Camarillo State Hospital. I'm an alcoholic. It's your fault. Can you send me 25 bucks?

I put a stamp on it and I mail it Monday. I go to to to therapy and the therapist says OK, bring out your letters. And

I said I've already mailed mine and he said you did. You did what?

I guess it was an exercise that we were supposed to bring in

details.

You know, that was back in 1977. And it took, I think they were still using Pony Express to get these letters across and back, you know, But I, I don't think it was a week later that I got a letter from my mom. And they talk about this being a family disease. And that doesn't mean my brothers an alcoholic too. It means that I am such a shit.

I am so in controllable, encourageable that I just ruined the life for all of my my whole family. You know, it's a family disease. My disease is going to cause havoc in everybody's life.

And that's what they're talking about family disease. So anyways, I get this letter back and it seems like less than a week later. And, and if you talk about you ever hear somebody say this or if you ever said this, I know I did. Why don't you leave me alone? I'm just hurting myself. My drink is just hurting me. Just leave me alone, man. Just leave me alone. And I got this letter back from my mom. And I got to tell you, my mom's a four foot 11 French Canadian lady, married to an animal

for years, for many, many years, and she's just an Angel. I never heard a swear. And I got this letter back from her and it says, Rick, if there's anything that I did to 'cause this,

you know, and I could see the tears, I could feel the tears through this letter. And I tore this woman up. You know, just as you're tearing up your mom or your brother's or your, your sisters or your kids or whatever, you know, that's what happens with alcoholism. It's an ugly, ugly disease. She said, if there's anything that I did, please forgive me. And I, I cried when I read the letter. And there was a check in there for 50 bucks,

but I'm not a nice guy.

I thought, geez, she could have sent 100.

You could have sent a hunt to it, man, you know, but that's the kind of guy I am, you know, it's just, I'm, I've never had enough of anything, you know, And that's not because I'm an alcoholic. It's because I'm a greedy little son of a, I'm not a nice guy. So anyways, I came into Alcoholics Anonymous for all the wrong reasons. And I wasn't an alcoholic. And I sat out there and people had charts and graphs and livers and stuff like that. And, you know, guys used to, I had a couple of problems with coming to a a one of them is that people were very old.

Some of these guys were 45 and 50 years old. And it was pretty horrible. And, you know, they had livers and stuff that would come out to Jesus. You ought to stop drinking, man. You know, and I was 26 years old. I was, I was, you know, looking good like tonight, man, I was looking good, you know, and, and you know, and I just couldn't understand. And every time I thought of alcoholism or an alcoholic, I thought of my dad and therefore non alcoholic. I'm never going to be like him. But they incessantly for some reason read out of this book. Did they do that here every night?

Chapter 3. God, can't you remember that stuff? You know, it's in the book. Read it when you go home or whatever, But they read it at every meeting, you know, And one of the things that they said in there is that an alcoholic is somebody who has the inability to control and enjoy his drinking.

And I thought, what is that's, you know, that's pretty much me. I can control my drinking of situations warranted it. You know, like if you said, hey, do you want a beer? And you meant a beer because I would not drink anything rather than have one beer, would you? I mean,

yeah, it just gave me a headache. You know,

I could enjoy my drinking and if I was enjoying my drinking, there was absolutely no control. So that's was me. And I realized that because I got to the point, see, I wanted to be paranoid schizophrenic with suicidal tendencies. You know, that's what I aspired to because, well, to me, the sound of more romantic than alcoholic, you know, and I was having trouble. When you're a bed wetter and, you know, a thumb sucker, it's, you know, at 26, it's really hard to

to pick up women. And second dates were, you know, kind of never there. And

although I did have one girl almost convinced it was her wetting the bed, but she said, well, I never did it before. And yeah, that's what I thought too. Glad I could have anyways,

so I wanted to be and to me a ton of more romantic than alcoholic and I didn't want to be an alcoholic, but something happened. I realized that AA worked. And because I think the reason why AA worked was because nobody stood up here and said, hey, you know what your problem, you know what you need to do This is, hey, you know what? You know what they did was they stood up here and they said, hey, this is what happened to me. This is what I did. This is what happened. As a result of that, I did this. And as a result of that, here I am tonight. And I may not be everything that you think that I should be, but I'm a lot better than what I was. And I got to tell you,

I am a lot better than what I was 33 years ago. I am not the man that walked in through the Alcoholics Anonymous doors for all the wrong reasons. By doing these steps, my life has completely changed

and I realized that I was an alcoholic

and I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting every day, and I have done that ever since I've been here. I go to a meeting every day, and that doesn't mean that I go to a meeting every day. That means if I can get to a meeting, I will go to a meeting. And the reason why I like to go to AA meetings is because we set the bar very low.

I mean, hell, they let me in, you know, that's how low we set the bar. And alcohol, it's Anonymous.

So I've come here. I, I got sober. I was, I don't know if this is, we're kind of far from, from Oxnard, so I don't know if you know this, but I was the best chair put away of that Alcoholics Anonymous in Oxnard anyways, has ever seen Rick Wilson, everybody. No. Well, what happened was I went to the Saturday night meeting, which was the biggest meeting in town, and they asked me to put the chairs away. Now, I'm not a sports guy and I don't have if unless I'm doing methadry and I have got nothing to say, you know. And they asked me to put the chairs away and I said, OK,

you know, that will give me. The other thing is, is what if somebody walked in and said, Hey, what are you doing here, man? Do everybody ever doing that to you? What are you doing here, man? Don't you know what you did last night? And the answer to that is, is typically yes, because I've never had a blackout. Well, at least any that I can remember. And I've always remembered every rotten thing I've ever done. But when I came into alcohol, when they said put the chairs away, I said, I'll put your chairs away. And what if somebody walked up and said, Hey, how about those Padres? I could say, I let me put the chairs away and I'll be right back, you know, And it kept me busy.

And somebody said, what are you doing here, man? I say, hey, I'm just putting the chairs away. Just leave me alone. And so I did that for about 20 days, so 30 days. And then another newcomer came in and he started to put my chairs away. And I said,

what's up with that? But I watched him, you know, I'm a, I'm a noticer. And I, and I noticed this, that he did put chairs away, but in fact, but he didn't do it very well. And so I got some. So what I would do is I put my chairs away. Then I'd go fix his, you know, and I gave, I had a sense of accomplishment, you know, it really worked. And

but something happened. See, when I first started doing and I was putting your chairs away. Now I'm putting away my chairs.

One day I started putting away Archers and I've been a member of Alcoholics Anonymous ever since. And I've worked the steps

as bad as anybody can work the steps. But I work the steps to the best of my ability. And I'm here to tell you, if you do it to the best of your ability, by the way, it ain't going to be very good. But if you do it to the best of your ability, you can get to stay sober too. And so let's take a few minutes and we can walk through the steps. OK, 15 minutes, we are in. I come from a town called Blend, Massachusetts.

What we're in La Jolla. Is that where we are? Where are we? Where

La Jolla? What did I say?

Whatever. Do you have a model here? Like, I don't know,

surfs up. There you go.

I live in Oxnard now and our motto is Bakersfield by the Sea.

That doesn't get the same ring in Oxnard. You know they don't say,

but I was born in Lynn and in Lynn in Lynn, MA. Their motto was Lynn, Lynn, the city of Sin. You never come out the way you went in, which is pretty cool.

We're in San Diego tonight, right? It's Sunday night, arguably, or maybe not, one of the most beautiful places on the face of the earth.

Would you agree?

And you're in an AAA meeting,

Admitted.

Done.

I believe all the step, all the work for step one is done before you get here. What you have to do, just admit it. You know, my life is so bad that I'm in San Diego a Sunday night and I'm at an A, A meeting. What's the rest of the step? My life has become unmanageable.

Look at the first part. You're in an A meeting.

You want to write about that. Please go ahead.

Is it necessary? It wasn't for me.

I was in Bakersfield. I was in Bakersfield by the sea. So I had the same kind of feeling. Step 2, There's nothing to do. Step 2. That's a good thing, right? I think this is my humble opinion, by the way. By the way, I'm right. But is this a, you know,

step two came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. I came, I came to and I came to believe. You've heard it said that way, that a power greater than myself and I couldn't use God. I had a God fearing atheist when I came into a a an atheist God fearing, I was afraid that something I didn't believe in was going to get me when I died. But we regardless of that,

I came to believe that a power greater than myself, Alcoholics Anonymous, was going to restore me to sanity. Not the crazy things that I did, what I was drinking, but the fact that I thought that I could drink with immunity, knowing what I had done in the past.

That will go away. And the only thing that I know how to do that is to go to another meeting.

Step three made a decision. How many of you decided you weren't going to like me when I got up here?

Security,

just the jealous ones. I understand

good looking and all that, but I mean we make decisions all the time. You know, you should have seen how many decisions we did we made when we were trying to figure out where to

eat. You know, I make decisions all the time. Gonna lose weight?

I know how to lose weight. You eat less and two more, right? I go to the gym on a regular basis.

You don't get a body like this without it.

I make a decision to do these things,

but I haven't done anything. It's like making a decision to go to the bathroom. You don't get the relief till you go to the bathroom. You know what I mean?

So you make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God. What's God's will? Do you know what God's will is? If I did, I'd be selling it

because that would be a valuable thing to have, right? I pretty much know when I'm not doing God's will more than I do when I'm doing God's will. Some people will say, hey, if it feels good, it must be God.

There's a lot of stuff that feels good that God doesn't want anything to do with.

Guys are from down here. So you've heard this before. I haven't. I'm not good enough to recite it, so I got to read it. It talks about which path, the right path. It says, dear God, I have no idea where I'm going as I do not see the road ahead of me. I do not know where it will end, nor do I really know myself that I'm following your will. And the fact that I think that I'm following your will doesn't mean that I'm actually doing so. But I believe this. I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire and everything that I do, I hope I never persist in anything

from that desire. And I also believe that if I do this, that you will lead me down the right Rd. though I may know nothing about it at the time. Therefore I will trust you always. And though it may, I may seem to be lost in the shadow of death, I will not be afraid because I know that you will not lead me to face my troubles alone. And I have these if you want, if you want some of these, I have plenty. So you can have pass them around and I'll come up and get them after the meeting. But that's a real powerful thing for me because I don't know what God's will. God

never, ever. I've been sober 33 years. God has never, ever, not once come down. And, well, I'm sorry, One time

I was in the recovery house in Oxnard and I just wasn't having a good day. Things just weren't going right. Did ever happen to you? And I went down to the beach in Oxnard and I'm out there and I'm slamming. I said, God, what? Why does this crap always happen to me? And the skies opened up and a light came down and a voice came out just as just as clear as about. And he said because there's something about you that just pisses me off.

Other than that, he has never come down to talk to me, never turn to Bush.

What he's done is he sent you to me. And that's how God talks to me. And another way that he talks to me is through that still small voice in the back of my head. And I tried my best to ignore it, but you know, those are the things that happened to me. So we make a decision and the decision is really the, the, the, the way, the, the fruit of that decision is the 4th step. Now the 4th step, have you ever heard somebody say, Hey, wait, you know, what's up? You know, let's hold off on the 4th step. That's like somebody saying, you know, you have a headache

and somebody says I've got aspirin here, but why don't we wait a little while before you take them because the 4th step is the medicine that we have here in Alcoholics Anonymous. It is the thing that will change your life. And so I would tell you for the people who tell you to watch out for the four step, I would tell you to watch out for the people who tell you to watch out for the four step and get into the four step. It's Sunday night, it's a little bit late into the to the weekend, but you could do