A Recovery History Event in Clarkston, MI

He's a Grapevine,

not a fan. My name is Chris Kramer, a very grateful recovered alcoholic.

I am honored to be here. How cool is this? I got to thank Joey for asking us and this is a cough drop. I need to put this someplace.

There you go. I'll have it on my coat here before you know I

how cool it is to be here. I travel a non-stop and just was able to squeeze this in. I'm sorry I missed Steve earlier in Mel. I had a chance to hear Mel a few times. I I'm in fact I've shared the podium with him a couple of times. I'm sure he doesn't remember, but that's OK.

It was it was unmemorable for me. I just absolutely to be around somebody that's been around this long and knows the history and knows exactly what it's just he's singing this song, you know, he's talking about the message that we were given and, and how it's people wonder, I think sometimes why I get so passionate about this is

folks, I nearly died getting here. I something he said earlier and something I've heard others speak. There's so many ways to get Alcoholics Anonymous to get to the narcotics Anonymous, any of the 12 step fellowships. There's so many ways to get here and you know, the court system we get a whole bunch and and treatment centers send us a whole bunch and just the streets sends us a bunch. And I don't know, we, we all get here in a little different, little different avenues, but

there's a percentage of people,

umm, that are what the book calls real Alcoholics. I'll give you this and stop doing the comparisons. Real drug addicts. There's, there's a, there's a lot of people out there that drink a lot that are not alcoholic. You,

you can, just because you drink a lot doesn't mean that you're one of us. And the book spends the 1st 60 pages or so explaining what this is. And so I'm not trying to be controversial up here at all or anything of that nature. I'm just saying there's lots of ways to get here and lots of, lots of, lots of ways to, to find sobriety. I just, I messed around this for a long time and, and almost died. And I, when I finally got here, I don't think anything different other than it that it was God's hand on this whole process because I landed in a room full of people that

good that this was about more than a fellowship, that the fellowship, albeit was wonderful. It it was not much for the real alcoholic unless you connected it with the program. So and the program was was written down for us in a thing called a big book. I apologize for my facetiousness about some of our literature, but it it can confuse the bejesus out of newcomers. Some of this stuff is so watered down and so middle of the road and, and

you may be able to stay sober that way. I'll say this and move on. I was talking to a guy out in the lobby and he said, you know, and I hear this a lot, a lot. I'm not, I'm not,

you know, I first heard you talk a bunch of years ago and you know, and you, you offended me and you made me mad when I heard you speak. And, and I, I'm so sorry for that. I just, and there was a time when I wasn't doing what I'm doing now, which is a bit of qualifying. I for anybody that I've ever stepped on. I want to publicly make amends to now, because I'm not trying to be heavy-handed and I'm not trying to, to, to, to tell anybody how to do this. I'm, I'm trying to share

Mike's, my,

my experience,

not Joey's experience. You know, my wonderful wives here, Patty. And I'm not trying to share her experience. I'm this is how this is what happened to me. And you can agree with it or not. If you don't, that's fine too. I still love you and I, and I hope we get to see each other, you know, downstream someplace maybe like at Denny's and we can visit and have a coffee. And I hope you never darken the door when I am meeting again. OK, so

I just had to get it in y'all know I'm kidding. Of course I hope I see you. I love you to death and I just that's the way. But I I about five years sober. I got a guy named Mark Houston. We we he just had passed away this year and and his who Joey was talking about tonight. This, this cat started sponsoring me and I ended up working for a treatment center where he worked and

he sponsored me for 17 years. And in fact, I was speaking in Montana this year. And when he had got word to Patty, called us that he had passed away. And a few months later, five months to be exact, I ended up going to work for the place where he works. So I'm saying that because, because from my perspective, I get this chance to see people die from this disease

every day. It's not like, you know, people come and go in a, a, I mean, this is the, in the industry that I'm in. We get to watch people die from this illness. And I understand what, how, how narrow this path can be. Sometimes. I, I watch a lot of people come into our fellowships and through these hospitals and through treatment centers, our little recovery center, and they, they look up on the walls and they see the 12 steps on there. They're coming out of detox, you know, the Ativans wearing off and they and they, they, they start to, you know, hit the ground running a little bit and they

look up, says oh shit. Oh no, no, not another a a deal, you know, I mean, I did a a, you know, it, I did a A for it. It just doesn't work, you know, And my heart goes out to him because I know it. It does work when you do it. Most of these people that I end up sitting down and talking to, we find out that they did a, a, OK, they did one part of a three-part deal. The whole package recovery unity service is what we're supposed to be about. The big book explains

talks about it, but they they came to one part the fellowship, they went to 90 meetings in 90 days and hot damn, and they relapsed. It's like, Oh my gosh, what did you think was going to happen? You know,

that's why I get cranky with people with

messages that we carry because you won't find 90 meetings in 90 days anywhere in this literature. You won't find any place in this book says that you've got to go to a meeting every day. You won't find just go to meetings and don't drink. A friend of mine in in London, I was reading his little blog This List this last week. It says he says one thing. I can guarantee you, you will drink again and you will not be able to make a meeting.

If you think for a second that you can do. Let me put it another way. If you can do that, just go to a meeting and don't drink. How cool is that? You don't have to do the little pesky steps and you don't have to work with those stupid slobbing drunks and Oh my gosh, how cool is that?

And some of you are laughing and some of you are not because you still believe that you can do that. And I'm here to tell you if you can, I love you, Rock on. But that's not the message that we're supposed to be carrying to the newcomer. If you can put the plug in the jug and just not drink on your own power, you're not an alcoholic. I don't know what you are, but you're not an alcoholic. Didn't say you weren't welcome. You are welcome. I guess

let me tell you a little bit about my story, my I and I'm watching the clock because I know we've been going for a bit and so we all are going to need to pee pretty quick. So I'm watching, I'm paying attention. I, I was raised up in Kerrville, TX, up in the hills. I actually was born out in Odessa, TX. We were oilfield trash. My father published a drilling magazine up in the, up in the hills. He was a printer forever and a wonderful man. He was an alcoholic and he's passed away now. He's, he was a good guy. He was a very, he was a situational kind of a drunk

is a periodic is what we call him. He could stay sober for long periods of time, dry anyway. And then something would set him off and he would just, and he'd be off to the stupid races for a while and had all the, all the, the symptoms of what we call untreated alcoholism. And my mother's not, she's a little social drinker. She had a glass of wine tonight at 5:00. Excuse me. I know that because she's had a glass of white wine at 5:00 ever since I can remember.

A glass of white wine, unless it tastes kind of funky. I've seen her at holidays before with the big laugh at our family's. She'll drink it. She's a little bit of a connoisseur, I think. And she'll take a little sip like that, and if it's good, she'll finish drinking. If it's not, she slides it across the table, says mom, what's this? That thing had a cork in it. Come on, that's good stuff. And

she says it just tastes a bit off, you know, and she'd slide it across the table and she wouldn't touch another dog. I was like, I mean, I'm thinking back in my drinking days, guys, I drank 19 years. I mean, you know, a bit, a bit off. Never once did I describe

this stuff. Tastes like crap.

It's a bit off. My good gosh,

big book, big book says we drink for the effects produced by the by the alcohol. And it's I don't care what it tastes like. I don't care what it tastes like as long as it gets the job done. And I mean, that's the that's when it starts to separate those that are the that are and are not Bill Wilson in his literature. I digress a second, but he talks a lot. And specifically, he keeps using the term over and over. Or one of our earlier speakers introduced himself as a real alcoholic. Man. I can. I'm thank you,

because there's nothing wrong with that.

Bill Wilson spends pages trying to trying to explain that there's a difference between a real alcoholic and the little disco drunk. He didn't quite use the little disco drunk. That term hadn't come come alive yet. But that's somebody that can quit on their own. But the real alcoholic won't be able to do that. And it also tells us that we're supposed to introduce ourselves as recovered Alcoholics.

Unless you're not recovered, and then don't. Oh my gosh,

I was, I was in Austin when I moved to Austin to to take over this new position. Patty got me a little garage apartment over there, you know, and I started looking. I've been I'm a I'm a I'm so spoiled. I've got this Home group called the outpost up in Ingram and it's a it's a little little club that we built up in there and it's a little big book thumper heaven. And I'm so spoiled. You know, you, you walk in and it's all thumpers and we're all, that's all we do is study the big book. So I went to Austin, TX and I started looking for a new group because I mean, I got it. I got to find a Home group. It's too far to go back to my old one. And so I got to

and I introduced myself in a meeting. My name is Chris Rammer and I'm a, I'm a very grateful recovered alcoholic. And it was about 20 people in their heads. It looked like a scene from the Exorcist there. You know, they, they all look, it's like all the treatment center babies, you know, you, you, you, you. Oh my gosh,

guys, when the obsession to use goes away, you're as recovered as you're going to get, just like my friend Mel said. Good gosh, I'm a

I'm fighting some character defects. I've been fighting for 23 years. Oh my God, I'm still a bozo something I'm still a lousy example of what this what this thing is all about sometimes, you know? But I got to tell you guys, my testimony from the podium is I haven't wanted to drink once in 23 years. Why in the heck? Why not?

Heck, would I want to stand up here and paint a picture that I'm still sick? I'm not. And that's what the book says. Introduce yourself to the new man as a person who has recovered. Why is that so controversial? Why do so many people, I mean, we're so rigid in this, this program, you newcomers, you need to be open minded. But as old geezers that have been sober 30 years, we can we just be as rigid, so rigid we'll break. You know,

my counselor at Hazleton said we'll always be recovering.

Wow. OK, rock on. OK. My therapist said that. My sponsor said, what does the big book say? Just a thought. I'm just saying,

people say, why do you hit this so hard? You make people uncomfortable. I'm not trying to make anybody uncomfortable. I agree with exactly what's been said here. The from the other speakers today, guys, we've got one game. This, this is what we have to offer to the newcomer that's coming through the door. Again, I've worked in this industry for a gazillion years and these folks, buddy, they're all waiting for a new pill. You know, when are they going to come up with a pill that will fix this problem?

I don't know. I'm telling you now, there's nothing in the pipeline that would that will work.

There's, there's, there's dozens of pills that will help with the craving of the first piece of this illness, this phenomena called craving. There's lots of things that can help with that. There's some of these medications. We don't have a single thing called an anti obsession pill. You know

that appealing when you haven't been drinking for about a week and you go like, this is God, I got to have a drink. There's not a pill to fix that. There's one thing that will fix that. It's called booze. So yeah. Or a Klonopin. That'll do it too. Oh my gosh, don't get me started on the medication.

There's nothing out there, guys. A A a is the only game in town. The 12 steps. That's what it's about South. I don't want that message watered down. I I tell you,

my dad moved us to the Hill Country as soon as he could get out of that out of West TX and he continued to drink for for on and off. There's no abuse in our family. Just he was just a nice quiet drunk and my twin brother and I some of y'all know Myers. He, he, he and I got to be good drinking buddies and we,

gosh, we thank God for alcohol in high school. I bet 1971 January, the month that Bill Wilson, our co-founder, passed away, I took my first drink of Boone's Farm Apple wine and I'm I'm sure Bill would have approved.

And I'm, I was a little kid that needed to drink so bad it wasn't even funny. You all understand I lost this eye on a rock fight when I was 11. I don't say it often from the podium, but I could have used a shot of vodka at 11. I got to tell you, I'm convinced if I had a shot of vodka, I'd have two eyes today because it would fix the problem. And I was so irritable, restless and discontent. I just, I went out and started the rock fight. I mean, good gosh, it just got to excite this thing somehow. And, and I was off to the races, boys. I got in the food business, not because I was particularly good at a cook or whatever, but

I thought those guys in whites back there with all that fire looked pretty cool and they were obviously getting laid a lot. And so I wanted to be that, but they would all they could also drink. I could all they, you know, just standard procedure. It's hot back there. You couldn't possibly get drunk because because you sweat. So let me assure you that that is a rumor, a vicious rumor. You there's been many of us and and curled up on a on a sack of potatoes in the walk in nice and quiet, you know,

drunk on our butts. But I I was pretty talented at this in this food industry business. My, my twin brother was going to be become a world famous mixologist

bartender and

we went to Houston and I got an apprenticeship program at a big hotel there and, and we were pretty successful. We did pretty well. We had a little apartment with shag carpet and a couple of beanbag chairs and

aye, it was, it was pretty good. Mid 70s, I'm in Austin, TX as a sous chef at a Country Club over there. And I start seeing a doctor for some depression. I see my first therapist for depression and I'm dying. And of course the, I remember the therapist said, did you drink? And I said, well, a couple. I mean, I'm, I cook for a living. I mean, we just a couple, we OK, that's fine. We never gave these guys a straight shot. But that was my journey for the next 10 years. I was in and out of therapist couches and,

and every time I'd go to another one, they'd give me another pill. And that's I'm, I'm world famous for that out there. I I wow,

living better chemically, you know, I don't care what it is, is that there's a pill for it. You chop it up and snort it, it goes just faster, you know, and it's just God a mighty and

I can't kick the depression

was to be another 15 years before I figured out

before I read in the big book that one of the main symptoms of untreated alcoholism is is depression. We have so many of the symptoms that we treat medically, like with pills that are symptoms of what we call untreated alcoholism. A lot of you guys sitting in the room, especially there's any family members in here still believe the lie that if I'll stop drinking, if I could just put some sobriety, I know I would be OK. That's not true. If you're a real alcoholic and you stop drinking,

your life will get worse, not better.

A lot of shit. Can I get a witness? Yeah,

Amen. Yeah. But I got to tell you, I'm. It's amazing how many, how many licensed counselors I know that don't understand that doctors, therapists, psychiatrists that don't understand that society believes that the alcohol is the problem. That's why what we do in the United States is we, you know, if if you don't stop, we're going to lock you up. That's just the coolest thing in the world. Thank you for doing that. I appreciate it. I'm not saying we shouldn't do that, but I'm saying it won't help anything. If you're a real alcoholic, you lock us up. We just go crazy. We just go bit nuts. And

you let us out. The first thing we do is go put the fire out. We go, we go take a drink. The big book says on page 24 is that we have lost the power of choice and drink. It's probably one of the most controversial things we talk about. And I got to tell you guys, I can talk for an hour just about this, this idea that we choose to drink. I got to tell you guys, we don't choose to drink. It's a form of insanity that takes place with real alcoholism. It's a, it's a, it's a horrible thing. That's why people are not threatened into recovery

because because we won't remember, the book says we won't remember the consequences of even a week or a month ago. That's why you can threaten me with loss of my kids or my wife or my my freedom. It's not going to stop me from drinking. That's what people, that's what's so frustrating about this illness. That's why the necessity of the thing called a spiritual experience. See, you're not going to think through this.

Here's what happens to me every time I'm a two week wonder. I can quit on a dime. Brother said it earlier, it's not it's not stopping. It's the bear. It's the staying stopped. It's a it's it's tough and I can stop on a dime. I quit. I'm not going to do it anymore. I wake up with a hangover, girl's mad, whatever job's freaking out. I I can quit and about two weeks out, I'm so uncomfortable. I can't stand it.

I it was just the morning started out OK. Everybody's patting on the back. Oh, Chris, it's so great that you're sober. How cool is this?

And I'm thinking, God damn, I should have done this years ago. You know, car got washed and checkbook got balanced. Oh my gosh, I need to do something about this. And, you know, everything's OK and feeling a little bit better. I've joined another health club. I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose this gut. I'm gonna beef up a little bit, you know, and I get I'm you're with us.

You see him coming into a every time. The first few weeks is just gold and everything's just great. I should have done this. They're sitting there looking at the cup of coffee with tears coming under, just crying and just, I'm just just so happy. I haven't done anything. All they've done is not drink. I'm not laughing at that. That's called God's grace. That's what this is the whole thing is about. But if you'll hurry up and work the steps while you're in that spot, you'll be golden. But we don't let them do that. We let them. We let them sit there in that spot like that and you just easy does it. Think, think, think. Take.

Just do it any way you want to. And then we then we chill out, right? And then and then, then insanity returns and and they drink again and then we just dust them off and blame them. And the little bastard, I knew he didn't want it.

I picked up more desired chips that you can shake, buddy, 'cause I'm going to tell you, every time I went in there and humbled myself to pick up a chip and the embarrassment of a shy guy like me literally walking in a room full of talking to you people, you got to know that I wanted to get sober. You got to know I needed to get sober. But I thought that I had the power to pull it off if I wanted to bad enough.

Nobody in seven years of Alcoholics Anonymous ever explained that to me. And I'm still offended by it,

hurt by it,

upset about it,

because I still see it today.

I got two weeks under my belt, longest I've ever had without alcohol, And I'm and I'm coming apart at the seams. I was OK this morning. And at noon, I'm a little irritable, restless and discontent. And 3:00, I leave the work a little early. I'm irritated because somebody looked at me wrong, a little sensitive. You'll understand that, you know, slam the door. So everybody knows that Chris Kramer has left the building.

Get in my car and drive around the freeway for a while grinding. This is not turning out the way I thought. I don't know what I expected and I might as well just, you know, pull into a 711, get a 7 little Doctor Pepper. You know, I just, I just need to chill. Got the radio. God, the only play is crap on this radio station. What is the matter with this place?

Pull the Doctor Pepper down and I hear the little boys that I hear every. At some point in there

you could probably have one beer.

Now that's what happened last time. I had one beer and then I bought a 12 pack and then I was off to the stupid races again. I don't want to have. That's just stupid. You know, that's the way it always starts. I get drunk, I don't want to play, get the Doctor Pepper, turn around and start walking back to the counter and get about halfway back. What are you, a pussy?

Stop mid stride right there by the school supplies. You know what I'm talking about, The candies on one side of the school supplies. I stopped right there. No I'm not. Ladies looking over there. Who you talking to?

Myself. Don't worry about it. Turn around, walk straight back to the counter, open it up. Put the Doctor Pepper back

next

beer. Grab one.

This isn't going to hurt.

Put it back. Grab a quart. If it's going to be one, it's going to be a big one.

Grab a court, get a little grin on my face. Everything's OK because I'm just going to drink this and that's going to be it. I've had a tough week. They're not treating me right. It's going to be OK. Walk up to the counter and everything is OK. Guys, If I had a gun when I walked into the place, I'd have shot myself or anybody else that had come near me because I'm that uncomfortable in my skin and I've got a cold cord in my hand. I'm standing there in front of me and little, little little

creep cuts in front of me to get his little money order cashed. You with us and this guy with about 40 lottery tickets and he wants them all done up like that. And I'm sitting there with a big grant says you go ahead honey, you good luck. I hope you win that lottery. You split it with me, you little Yahoo, and I'm just as happy as I can be. Little little little social sunbeam from Jesus

just happy happy happy I haven't even got a this haven't even swallowed yet and I've got this in my hand and everything Oh no you go ahead I'm in no hurry I'm in no hurry God come on guys we don't even have to have this stuff in our system before the power of this takes over. Y'all understand how powerful that is good God almighty and people wonder was why? Why can't you just stop? Because it's the only thing that makes me feel OK inside. You all understand that I'm not drinking to get squashed. I hear people talk about that all the time, especially the college age kids. Well, that we,

I drink to get just wasted. I don't, I don't, I don't remember ever doing that. I drink to get right. I, it looks wasted to you. I understand. I understand,

I understand that, but that's not my intention. See, my intention is to get right. Come on, guys, You get, you get, you get squashed. That's when you get a DWI. That's when you get fights with a girl, that's when you get in trouble. That's when you get in fights and stuff. You know me, I mean God,

if I just walking in a bar, my last drinking days were in a bar called the Jolly Rogers. Now

I've had this

that's not even funny. That's

come on, guys, and I've been wearing this pad since I was what, Pat 20/20/21 and I'm walking into a bar with a jot like a jolly rod. How many? I mean, what do you, what did you think was going to happen in there?

Somebody pop up with a pirate joke and I'm, I'm in your face

and then I'm on the floor. I mean, that's how and it says over and over and over. And that's just, Oh my gosh. But that's the kind of only place that would, that would deal with me in, in, in my end stage alcoholism. God, Can you believe that? People out there that drink a lot, they don't want to be around some of us because we, we're, we're not fun people to be around even when we're drinking. I don't want to be drunk, guys. I want to be right. I want to be comfortable in my skin. And that's what happened to me when I took that drink of Boone's Farm apple wine on the Guadalupe River, leaning up against one of those big old 700 year old Cypress trees.

And I drank that Boone's Farm. And I mean, I says, God damn, this is what Pops was doing. This is what he was trying to read. This is this is good

and I could talk to girls and I could do things that I ordinarily didn't do and I didn't feel like a loser. And I went and applied for a job under the influence and got the job and I got my drivers license under the influence and I you'll understand it was okay. When alcohol works for us folks, I need a Gleek shield. When alcohol works for us, there is nothing better on the face of the earth. If it would still work like that, I'd still be drinking today

and it's and so would you. Yes, it stops working. This is progressiveness of this.

This is what's so frustrating with me and the stupid war stories is because we've got this problem in our meetings when all we want to do is talk about the war stories and we separate ourselves from the people around us that maybe not are on the same progression. Well, you're not going to scare anybody into these rooms with war stories. Guys, come on. I ate out of dumpsters in Houston, TX for a short period of time and I got to take I mean, I wasn't living on the streets. I had an apartment. I just didn't have enough money to eat and I and I ate out of dumpsters.

It's just, it was just not. But it was. It was sad. My father would have certainly been disappointed if he'd have seen that nonsense.

But I could come in these meetings and tell that. But I don't know anybody that would ever come up and say, Oh my gosh, I started to take a drink today and I remembered Chris ate out of a dumpster and I stopped. I just didn't.

And then we laugh when we go straight back in the meetings and tell it again. I think our stories are so important in a in a in a, in a on a Friday night speaker meeting in a 12 step call, buddy, you better have a story or that guy's going to tell you to go kiss his butt. He didn't want to have anything to do with you unless he thinks you know what what we're talking about, unless that you've been there. See, you'd better have a story.

But in an open discussion meeting, why are we telling the same stupid story again and again? And you're free to disagree with that. I don't want to forget where I came from. The book says you will forget where you came from

when the obsession comes back. You will not remember my story. You won't remember your story. And in the process of not understanding this, all you're doing is driving people out of our fellowship because they can't stand sitting on our meetings listening to these stories.

And when we aren't not doing that, we're trying to fix your day. All the little junior therapists in the world. Oh, I'm sober today, eight months now, and I know I could help you with your relationship.

Like, Oh my God,

how many times you've been married? Five times

and why don't you, why don't you keep helping me with the one thing that we have in common is his untreated alcoholism. Maybe you can help me with my drinking problem relationships. Why don't you be quiet? Why don't we go to a professional to do that? I got to tell you guys, I speak all over the world. I get an opportunity to do this a lot, a lot. And I and I got to tell you folks, this is the one area of my talk that makes more people uncomfortable and you can shake a stick at. And yet the Big Book is crystal clear when it tells us to stop fostering dependence on us

and start putting dependence on God. Why in the heck does the guy I'm sponsoring need to find God?

Why does he need to have a spiritual experience and and and get a relationship with God if every time he turns around I'm telling him what to do? You can't go out with her.

Why? Who died and left you King of the Universe? We can't date for the first year. Why

you have to quit that job? You can't. Why

you can't hang with those people? Why

that's you can't wear? Why?

See, these guys that got me in 1987 knew that if they didn't get me connected to God, I was going to die. God tells me what I can do and can't do. God gives me the power to have the coolest life in the world. We got too many people sitting around the rooms that are too chicken to go live life to its fullest, telling the newcomers what they can and can't do.

That's not sponsorship, that's dictatorship. That's not sponsorship. A sponsors job is to show somebody how to get through the 12 steps at a quick pace so they can have their very own spiritual experience. And after that, let's hold them accountable. And then we got somebody to buy us a hamburger down. Then how cool is that?

I ended up in North Texas and had a little domestic disturbance with my first wife and she was a nice lady and didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated her. And I was working at a Country Club up in North Texas. And anyway, to try to save this marriage, I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and I had a counselor that looked at, I had a big stack of, of my, my medical papers and says, oh, my Chris, Chris, I don't know. This little guy was like, he was the he was the bottom line, basic intern of a of a licensed counselor of chemical dependency counselor.

And this little guy was as nice as could be, but he looked at my little chart, you know, in this bipolar disorder and manic depressive and this that the other and I got, I got a list of things all with it. They're attending medications and clinical depression and and I'm, I'm taking 7 pills a day and I'm not knocking any of this guys. I'm glad I had it. I probably wouldn't dead, but but I had all this information to show. Look, I'm, I'm special, I'm different. He looked at this stuff. He said, Chris, I've asked you a couple of questions. I can just tell you one simple thing. You're a drunk,

you're an alcoholic, and you need to get your skinny little butt to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Wow.

And it was a couple of weeks later, we had this little disturbance and I said, OK, I'll go to AA. And I walked into my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and there was an old geezer sitting in there and he

I can, he said, Chris, do you do you have a problem with alcohol? I was drunk. I had a quart of beer in the truck. I I said, yeah, yes, yes, I got a problem. He says, he said, he said, welcome, welcome, welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous. And I don't know if the steps were on the wall or not. I mean, guys, it was pitch back in that room is a little light like the psycho, you know, hanging a little light hanging down. And he was up in his dirty loft and there was, and I got accustomed to the room. There was oh shit, there's three or four people in the room along with this guy

chair and it's scary at best. And and I'm sitting there kind of freaking out and and this and then there's other people there and they says, OK, well, welcome, Chris. OK, so now who's got the problem?

I'll never forget it. And I started to go,

what am I, chopped liver? I'm, I'm an alcoholic. Does that count? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Who's got the the problem? Like something you might drink over. Like I'm

I might drink because I'm an alcoholic. They're not buying any. They want to hear what the problem is. Y'all understand? This makes me want to scream because I still see it on

this lady. Well, finally. Well, I'm having trouble with my husband and he's an alcoholic and she wasn't even alcoholic. She was an al Anon. But we sat in the meeting and we talked about this ladies husband for an hour and what she could possibly do to help this husband. Oh my gosh. And I'm sitting in there been drinking, went home drunk. She says, God, I thought you went to an AA meeting. I says I did and I says it was pretty cool. I says, I think those people are going to going to use be able to use my help in that place, you know, because it was simple seemed a little unorganized to me and.

And I went back the next day and who's got the problem? And some of the guys shopping and he coming from a treatment center and he'd bought a poster and he didn't want the poster and he was just wasting money. And we talked about shopping for an hour,

Sam, you get a little uncomfortable because you got that problem, too, huh? We need to talk about that

after the meeting.

God help us. I spent seven years, guys, and we're telling war stories and we're fixing your problems. And I don't own a big book and I don't have a sponsor. And they just keep telling me to come back.

I say this and move on, guys. I'm gonna hit it this and I'm out this.

I don't know. A guy come up one time and he'd been sober a long time up there and he had a big book, one of those big books you like. Some of you guys I've seen today, He's got duct tape around it because they've actually opened the bastard, you know, and had, and it's ready to go. And he had a big book under his arm. He said, Chris, we're going down there to Clyde's. We're going to eat some hamburger and we're going to talk about the steps a little bit. You're welcome to come with us if you want to. And I'm thinking it's about time somebody invited me to lunch. Good heavens. And I said, well, thank you so much. And I look over his shoulder and there's a lady going back by the coffee room and she's going

and I'm thinking what the I'm fixing to get into something here. And I buddy, God, I just remembered I got to get back to work, but I'll go another time. And he said, Buddy, we're open anytime. Are you? We'll do it another time. Thank you. He's split and I walked back to the coffee. He says, I'm so glad I caught you, Chris. I just need to tell you we're so glad to have you here. And you just need to keep coming back, little brother. You don't need to worry about those old stupid steps right now. Right now, you just need a easy does it and just go to meetings and everything's going to be OK.

OK, All right. Was this lady trying to hurt me? Of course not. She was trying to help me

by watering this down as much as you can water it down. She took a real alcoholic that's fixing to cut his throat

lying to me.

If you're telling people to just go to meetings and expect them to get well, you need to stop. If you find that abrasive, I apologize, but we are killing people that way.

When did it become OK to not tell the newcomer how to get well?

When did we get off the page of setting a newcomer down and explaining the 12 steps? And in our urgency to have this thing called a spiritual experience, we've gotten such to, to to such a politically correct spot in most groups that I come across. We don't want to talk about God. We don't want to talk about the steps. Anything else is, is is fair game.

But don't talk about the steps. Don't talk about the spiritual experience. Well, I'm going to taste something, folks. For anybody that's brand new in here, let me be the first to break it to you. Alcoholics Anonymous is unapologetically, unapologetically about God. This is about a spiritual experience.

It is sure not about religion. It is absolutely everything to do with the thing called a spiritual experience. And if you're the Real McCoy, that's going to be your salvation. But he's we're not going to jam this down anybody's throat. What you believe is between you and, and, and, and your sponsor and, and, and, and what God has lays on your heart. I mean, I don't know where God's going to take you. I just know that if you're dependent on another person to keep you sober, you're going to be so disappointed it's not even funny

if you're the Real McCoy. I'm not knocking that other people can't help us. God, I've learned. Patty and I were talking about it the other day. How many, how many people we know in this fellowship that we can reach out and touch to solve to help us understand any problem we're going through? The Fellowship has blessed us so much,

but the Fellowship can't remove the obsession to drink.

Please let me say it again. The Fellowship cannot remove the obsession to drink. And if the obsession to drink doesn't leave you, if the 10th step promises on page 84 and 85 don't come true in your life, that position of neutrality, then the next thing that comes along the line you're going to drink over, you're going to be,

can I say it, triggered. Oh my God.