The 40th North Shore Roundup in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

Hi everyone, my name is Liz and I'm an alcoholic.

My sobriety date is July 21st 1995. I would like to,

I would like to thank the committee for asking me to come and join you. This is actually a roundup that I've always wanted to attend and I've never had the opportunity, so I'm super excited to be here. Thank you so much,

and thank you to Mary and Christine too, for taking such good care of me since I've been here. 2:00 AM. They picked me up from the airport. Can you believe that? It's very nice.

All right, So I guess I'll tell you a little bit about what it was like, what happened and what it's like now.

I grew up in California in the Bay Area. I have a huge family. I have five brothers, a sister, and at this point all of them are married with children. So we're, it's quite a family reunion when we all get together

and from a very, very young age, I, I mean, really my first thoughts are of not feeling a part of and not belonging. I really do feel as if I was born with this disease

and definitely experience the ISM far before I take my took my first drink.

That feeling of not belonging and not feeling like I fit was only compounded

my family. I love them dearly and through the last 15 years of my sober journey and it what we look like as a family has changed quite a bit. But one of my earlier recollections is of my parents having a conversation about how having me in the home at 7 years old was too much for their marriage and too much strain on our family. And they openly discussed finding an apartment for me to live in with nannies to take care of.

Then my mother got pregnant again and that kind of got put on the back burner. But you know, so from like 7 years old, like even in my own family, it was reinforced that I didn't have a place in this world. And

I didn't really know how to deal with that. When I was nine years old, we moved to the Napa Valley and

I became the sole caregiver of my two younger siblings.

And I also started drinking. So bad timing really on on that one. But my first drink, I was nine years old. I made immediate friends with this girl named Audrey in the 5th grade and her parents were pretty absent, similar to mine, but for very different reasons. They had a hard time staying out of jail and we became fast, fast friends.

So one of my first weekends in the 5th grade, I went over to her house and we had this brilliant idea to share fit the vodka and drink a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi with it. We did. We polished up the whole 5th of vodka. We're about this tall

and I don't really remember what happened that night. I remember at one point I took off all my clothes, was running around her house. I remember vomiting all over their brown shed carpeting. We had been eating a ton of candy like Red Hots, and there was all pink for some reason. So I puked pink

all over their shad carpeting and it was still there, like when I went to rehab six years later.

Yeah.

So, yeah, kind of a disaster. You know, I blacked out. I have no idea what I did with the rest of the night, but I woke up the next morning and my whole body hurt, and I thought it was the best thing in the world. I couldn't wait to do it again. And from that point forward, I drank as much as I could as often as I could. And in California, I don't know what it's like here, but they sell hard alcohol and grocery stores, so it was actually fairly easy to come by.

Yes, you know, sick. Nobody expects a nine year olds going to be pocketing fifths of heart alcohol.

So it was pretty, it was fairly easy to drink on a regular basis.

My, I don't know, I mean smoking was the same way. I've never done anything

slow

smoking was very similar. I don't know where I got the idea that smoking cigarettes was a good idea. Definitely not reinforced in my family. I was walking to school one day, I picked up a mom. There's a marble light 100 laying on the sidewalk. I felt like God had left it there for me. I picked it up. I was kind of into pyro stuff at that point. And so I had firepower on me. I smoked that cigarette like I was born smoking. And I went to the store and stole a pack and, you know, unfortunately haven't stopped since. But,

you know, like, everything in my life has been that way. And

so my drinking progressed pretty normally, I suppose not really so much for a nine year old. But as alcoholism goes, it was, you know, fast and furious. And when I was 11 years old, I had to have major surgery and I was in a wheelchair for a year. I have a bone disorder. And they had to do some things to try to fix my body so I could keep walking. You know, walking is good. I like that.

So I was in a wheelchair for a year and with that came an unlimited prescription of Vicodin.

And I discovered that Vicodin worked a lot better when you washed it down with vodka.

So. So that was my life for about a year. I drank away the physical pain. I drank away the emotional pain. I did not want to feel.

I couldn't stand to be in my own skin.

I had a really hard time talking to people and interacting with anyone.

I just felt lost and alone, you know, and

when I got out of that wheelchair, there is no stopping me. I promptly began running away from home.

I started getting arrested when I was 12 a lot. That was kind of the first warning sign to my parents. They,

you know, it's really important to them to have, they really wanted to have this perfect household. You know, we moved into white Victorian house with the white pick fence and we had cats and a dog and my mom's a teacher and my dad works with law enforcement. And they just, they really wanted the American dream, you know, the perfect American family. And I was not having any of it.

So I got arrested for the first time when I was 12, Somewhere between 12 and 14. I was in and out

of juvenile hall, I was in and out of mental institutions, psych Ward say.

Attempted suicide on a number of occasions and really my only purpose in life at this point was to drink and use.

I somewhere around 13 years old, ran away from home and moved into a cemetery. I lived in the Yeah, I lived in the Robert Mondavi Mausoleum in the Catholic cemetery,

Lena, California. And dead people don't talk to you. You know, I, I,

I wasn't really going to school anymore.

Yeah, I, you know, I just, I couldn't show up for life. I didn't know how to do that.

The few classes I went to my freshman year in high school, you know, by this time I was doing so poorly in school that they put me in the books on tape English class. So it was me and the other kids that couldn't read basically, you know, were either

English was their second language or were just as delinquent as I was. And, you know, I listened to Romeo and Juliet. I remember, I still remember part of the book. So, you know, I guess that worked. I can recite some of it. So, but that was really all I remember for my freshman year in high school. And for the most part, I hung out in the cemetery and I drank and used as much as possible.

I got into a lot of fights. I was a scrappy little kid, which was funny because I weighed like 82 lbs when I got sober

at the same height. I'm 54AS54 then I'm still 5 four,

but I weighed

for £50 less than I do now. I was a skeleton, you know. My skin was sometimes white, sometimes yellow.

My bones protruded from my face. My face was sunken in. I was walking bones, you know.

You know, I did a lot of crazy stuff. I was a horrible member of my family, and my parents used to have to nail the window shut on the House to keep me in their attempts to keep me in.

I would break windows to get out. They'd move furniture in front of the door to try to keep me safe. And I just wasn't having it, you know, like I went to any lengths, any lengths to get out of myself and to not feel I just could not show up for my life. And somewhere around the time right after my freshman year in high school, I had been arrested one too many times. And the court system got a little tired of seeing me and I

went to court and I was looking at two years in juvenile hall or two years in a treatment facility.

And between my parents and the judge, they decided that I could indeed be rehabilitated.

So they sent me away. I, of course, was not really into that so much. So I ran away again. And I devised this grand plan to finally for real in my life. And

after I made-up my mind to do so, I went back to my parents house to say my goodbyes basically, basically tell them how horrible they were as people in at my disaster of a life was all their fault. Which none of that was true. But that's, you know, in my overdramatic 14 year old mind that seems like the right step to take. So I went home and no one was there.

So.

So I sat down on the couch and I was

loaded out of my mind and I sat down and passed out, and when I came to there were people there to take me away. So I got on an airplane and flew to

Condon, Montana. Well, no, I guess at that point there was Thompson Falls, Mt. I spent three months in a placement program, and at the end of that three months they decided, yes, indeed, I was not ready to re-enter society and I needed some more serious lockdown sort of help. So they shipped me off to a center in Condon, Mt

and I was there for almost two years.

Condon. Do I have do anything know? Condon, Montana

No, there's liquid Louise, I believe that's still there. There is a taxidermist and there is a gas station slash grocery store slash restaurant like all in one, you know, like an all in one sort of a deal. You go to the counter and they make you really great breakfast sandwiches actually, if you're ever driving through.

But you know, that's it. So

aways from Condon, there was a treatment facility and it was run by five members of Alcoholics Anonymous. And that's where my journey with you guys started. I

didn't do anything when I got there. You know, I had really long at that point stringing early hair, like I didn't know how to bathe, I didn't know how to eat, you know, for like the first six months I was there. We like our, our food was regulated and I had not put anything real into my body for so long. I just puked up everything. I ate at the table every day for about 6 months

until my system got readjusted I guess.

And I didn't do anything. I put my hair down in my face. I wouldn't talk to you. If you spoke to me, I would swear at you I couldn't tell the truth. If you asked me a direct question and I wouldn't answer, I was, I was dying, you know, like at this point I was an untreated alcoholic and I didn't. You took away my booze and you took away my drugs and I didn't know what to do with myself.

I really felt like I was going to explode

and I didn't want to hear anything you had to say to me.

And for some reason I was around Thanksgiving time and they sat down and they were like, look, if you want to die one day at a time, that's your business. But you don't get to do it here. So you either need to make a decision that you're going to work the program and pick up some tools and practice the solution, or you're going to finish out your time in juvenile hall. And The funny thing was, the whole time I was there, that's all I wanted. All I wanted was to go to juvenile hall. I just wanted to let them let me sit in a cell and rot and go

about my business as soon as I got out. And for whatever reason, when they presented that as an option to me, I said OK.

And I looked at this woman, Deb, and I asked her for help,

and that became my first sponsor.

And now we opened the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And none of it made any sense to me at all. I, you know, hadn't read in quite some time. I was bad at it.

Comprehension was not. It just wasn't there for me, you know? It's still just super cloudy and foggy. And so we put the big book back down and we practiced reading first.

Umm, And eventually we picked it back up and she's like, all right, we're going to go word by word. If you don't understand something, ask and I'll explain it to you. She got out a dictionary and we started reading. And

when we got to the first step, I

did not at all have a problem admitting that I was alcoholic. Like, I was pretty clear that when it was me and one other girl drinking the way I drank in elementary school, that I did not have a normal relationship with alcohol. Like that made sense to me. I had no, no qualms about admitting that I was alcoholic. I did, however, have a really difficult time with admitting that my life was unmanageable. You know, the life that I had

lead was only one I had known. You know, Like, I didn't really understand that I could do it any other way.

Like, that was fine for you guys, but I was incapable.

And it took me a while to understand, you know,

finally we got through that when we got to steps two and three. I had a really difficult time with God, as I'm sure many of you can relate to. The only God that I had known was the God of my grandparents. And my grandparents told me I was going to hell when I was about three years old. So I was pretty sure that I didn't want that God

in my life, that that was a God that could not help me.

And so I had a hard time, you know? And Deb was like, well, Can you believe that? I believe that a power greater than me restored me into sanity. And I was like, yeah, you know, like, yeah, I can believe that. And she was like, all right, here's what I want you to do. And we opened up the book to the spiritual appendix

and we read through it. I'm going to share part of that with you today because these three paragraphs saved my life.

Most of us think this awareness of a power greater than ourselves is the essence of a spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it God Consciousness. Most emphatically, we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problem in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial. We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials.

Recovery, but these are indispensable.

And dad looked at me and she was like, all you got to do is practice those 3 principles. Practice willingness, practice honesty and practice open mindedness. Can you do that? You know, at this point I was still lying. You asked me what color the sky was. I would tell you green. Like I could not, I, I couldn't tell the truth. And I made a commitment to practice doing just that. And she was like, all right, So what color is the sky? And I was like blue. She's like OK,

let's do this. I was like OK so then I started on my 4th step and

that you know, I my first four step was over 300 type pages.

I really was terrified of doing a fifth step, you know, like I had never

experienced unconditional love in my life. And I thought for sure, if I told another human being all of these things, all of these resentments, all of these things that I've done, all these situations I've been in, that

she would walk away, you know? And then what do I do? So I just kept writing, you know, I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. And I finally had nothing else to write. And I was like, all right,

I guess we'll do this fist up.

So like two months later, when we finally finished up,

Yeah,

I looked up and I, you know, through tears and whatever, it was incredibly difficult to get through reading all of it.

I expected Deb to not be able to look me in the eye, to not see Love Interface, you know, And I looked up and she was like, you know, thank you for sharing that with me. Thank you for keeping me sober. I love you no matter what

and

that changed my life.

Your love changed my life.

What happened for me was for I I was able to look at myself in the mirror for the first time in my life. You know, I,

I was able to,

it's build on a foundation to have relationships with other human beings. You know, I'd never been able to do that before. And that's what that experience gave me. We did the 6th and 7th step and I was real clear at that point on what my defects of character were

and Dad gave me another gift. What she had me do, in addition to listing out my defects and becoming willing to have God remove those, was she also had me come up with a list of assets.

You know, at that point in time, like I was not able to see a single decent quality about myself. And that woman sat across to me and she told me what she saw in me and she had me write those things down. And in addition to the things that she saw, she was like, even if you don't see these things in yourself right now, you need to write in a list of the person that you want to be like, what are qualities of the person that you want to be? And I did that. So in addition to prayer for the removal of my defects, I also thanked God for my

assets and I prayed every day for year. I mean, I still, this is part of my regular prayer regiment, but prayed for God to help make me the woman he wanted me to be. And it was that simple, you know,

my first eighth step. I, you know, just took my 4th step and wrote out a list of all the people I owe to men's and

I got let out. They let me out of that place for two weeks in order to make my amends. And so I flew back to California. Before I left, I had written letters. I didn't set up appointments with people. You know, I've done the footwork to make sure that it was OK with people that I show up and give amends for. Those that I did in person set up meetings with store managers that had stolen from,

came up with a plan to pay those people back, you know, like did all of that footwork and then I went out and had two weeks. I just did it. And that was

another huge gift for me in early Friday because I was not able to sit in fear, you know, like that's, that's my MO. I'm afraid and I don't take action. And I didn't, I didn't have a choice. I had two weeks. I had to get them done. I couldn't go back if I had didn't have them done. So I just did them. And

what doing my 9th step enabled me to do was to look you in the eye. You know, like I no longer had to walk down the street with my head down. I no longer had to keep my hair on my face. I could ask you how you were doing and I could care about what you said back to me

and you know, because I wasn't holding on to all of that anymore. Like I wasn't afraid that you would figure out who I really was.

So I went back to the treatment facility and finished out my time. I practiced 1011 and 12 to best my ability while I was there.

And on the day that I was let out to return to California, I really did not want to go back at that point, you know, like life had become comfortable. Like I found

I found a freedom, you know, like I felt free for the first time ever. And I was terrified to go back out in the real world. But it was my time. And Deb looked at me and she was like, you know, I'm pretty sure that you're going to die.

And that's not really what I expected her to say to me on my way out the door. But it really was the best thing she could have said, you know,

because what happened for me, because of that, it fear was a motivator. You know, I went back to California and I found the three meetings in Saint Helena that existed

a week and I went, My parents were not so excited that I came back and was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. They until I had about 10 years, I wouldn't acknowledge that I was in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I used to get grounded. I'd have to sneak out of my house to go to a meetings and

true story,

you know? But Deb told me I had to go to any length, so I was going to die. And that's what I did. I went to any lengths, you know, Like, I went to meetings that, you know, people weren't so stoked that I was there. I was 16 years old at that point, and almost everybody in the room was 50 years old or older.

You know, I got a lot of like, oh, are you so cute, you little alcoholic? And I got a lot.

I got a lot of, you know, I spilt more than you drank a lot of like that kind of stuff. And luckily, between the fear that Deb motivated in me and my resentment at the people who said things like that to me,

I showed up every meeting, every week. You know,

another amazing thing happened for me there. I mean, I got a sponsor. I raised my hand for commitment. So eventually they gave me one. And this woman, Valerie, went to

area assembly. And at that area assembly, they were talking about needing younger members of alcohol synonymous to shake meetings into youth treatment centers. And Valerie raised her hand at that assembly to volunteer for that. And she was like, we got one

and she came back and she was like, guess what, kid, you're taking A to rehab? And I was like, OK, so once a week, every week, Valerie and I would go to different treatment centers in the area and bring an A meeting and she'd load me up in her car. And this one was full of

I was gonna. She was the energy,

amazing, amazing light in her life. You know, like a head. Yeah, it just oozed out of her pores.

She had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, and she drank more coffee almost than I did. Almost. Not quite. I drink a lot of coffee. And she just was on fire for service with Alcoholics Anonymous. And I learned a lot from her. I

nine months after I got back to California, I had finished high school and I, you know, was working jobs and it's time for me to go. My parents were also not excited about that. They felt like I owed them the time I had taken away from the family. And I said, that's nice, but if I stay here, I think I'm going to get loaded. So I loaded up a suitcase and I hopped on a Greyhound bus and I moved to Southern Oregon

and went to college. I was enrolled in Southern Oregon University

because the husband of the woman that saved my life told me to go there. And I said, OK, you know, like I learned really early on that I just do what I'm told here and everything seems to work out all right. So that's why I went to school there. It was also the closest place outside of California, which seemed really attractive to me at the time. I mean, it's like 30 minutes over the border between, but, you know, outside of California. And I went there and what happened for me was

I looked for a in Southern Oregon and I couldn't find you.

I had called in a group and asked for meetings and I'd show up at the location. There was no meeting happening, like it had closed down or moved. So keep your meeting information updated please.

It's helpful. So it was like 3 months and I hadn't been to a meeting or seen another alcoholic. And I was walking across school campus and I saw a circle and triangle on the back of a woman's car. And I wrote her a novel. So you know more of a novella.

And I was like, please help me.

Like I please tell me you're really in a A and you didn't just buy this car with a sticker on it. And, you know, like, I really could use a meeting or at least a conversation with another alcoholic, you know, please, please, please call me. And he's like two or three pages long.

And she did. And she again stuck me in her car and took me to a a, you know, and I found you guys again and you saved me again. And

you know, same deal, got a sponsor, I work the steps, I got a service commitment. I went to my first conference like this, the Roundup, the Rogue River Roundup. It was phenomenal. Like just the joy that you all have is so inspiring.

And I was only there around 9 months and then I decided Ashland was too small so I hopped in my friend's car and moved to Portland, OR. I didn't really expect to stay there.

I thought I would end up in Seattle. You know, like I was a grunge kid. It was the early 90s when I did most of my drinking and using and I just thought Seattle was where it was at. So I, but I stopped in Portland and, you know, 10 years later, I was still there. They never made it Seattle. And what I found in Portland was people my age

getting sober. I didn't know that people my age got sober. I kind of thought I was the only one, you know,

And

I remember walking into the basement of the Portland Alana Club and there are probably 150 Alcoholics in there who are all between the ages of 15 and 25. And

I finally felt like I was home, you know, like you loved me. You made me feel safe. And now I was finally home, and

I heard about this thing called Icky Paw.

Yeah. I have no idea what they were talking about. And to be real, the young people terrified me, you know, Like, I was stoked they were there, but I realized that I had absolutely no tools to build relationships with any of them. Like, I never had pure friends, you know, ever. And so I had to learn how to do that. And you hold my hand through it.

My sponsor at the time, I was voicing all of these resentments to her about young people, you know, like I got hit on in meetings. Rude. Don't do that.

You know, that had never been a problem because I was like 40 years younger than everybody else in a, A at that point, you know, so

I didn't know what to do with it. And my sponsor is like, well, you have two choices. You can either check out or you can jump in the middle of it and create the fellowship you crave. So what's it going to be? And I was like, well, when you put it that way, fine. So I joined the Keypad Big committee and

made some of the closest friends I have ever had. You know,

Icky Paw taught me how to balance a checkbook. They taught me how to negotiate contracts. They taught me how to

fight with my friends and still be friends after that. Like a disagreement doesn't mean that I never talked to you again, you know? It's just a disagreement. It's cool. We're all human. We can have different opinions and ideas and still love each other anyway,

Yeah. I mean, I learned a lot going through that process.

Umm, I love something else

there where there's a period of my life like my late teens and almost my life. I've actually, I've really enjoyed traveling. I've traveled a lot. When I was 17, I made my first trip to Russia and I fell in love hopelessly, hopelessly in love with the country of Russia. Don't ask me why. I didn't even want to go in the 1st place. I just kind of ended up there. And when I woke up in the morning, I realized I was in love with the place. And so when I was 20, I was like, why not move there? You know, someone suggested it to me. I've been whining about it and not

any action for a long time about how I wanted to get back and spend some time and they're like, then go do it, you know, like you're sober. Go live your life.

I was like, oh, oh OK, so I did. I picked up at 20 years old and I moved to Vladimir, Russia and I had saved up 3000 whole dollars, which seems like so much money to me and it actually lasted me 14 months.

So

what I did when I was there again, I was in another situation where I couldn't find you. I went to Russia with my big book, this one right here, and some speaker tapes and some copies of The Grapevine and God and

three or four months in, which is about my tolerance. I've discovered

I felt like I was losing my mind and I found this place that was calling them, found a meeting that was calling themselves Alcoholics Anonymous. However, there were no steps, there were no traditions, there was no way literature.

There was this guy who sat in front of the meeting hall and I gave direction to people about how to stay sober. Of course, nobody was actually staying sober, so that was a problem. You know, I, he invited guests

one of the night that I was there, there was a Doctor Who was then selling pills at the meeting.

And the thought was if you took these pills and you drank, you would die instantly. So that was her speech. That was her like gift to the room. Like this will sober you up.

I but to the guys who were there came up to me after the meeting. They were like, where are you from? Like I, you know, you're not Russian clearly. And I was like, oh, America and they're like, oh, you know, and have questions about that and and they're like, what's a like, you know, and, and my broken, broken Russian. I hardly spoke any at this point, tried to explain it to them and

finally the three of us decided to

just started meaning. So we went to Moscow, we got on the train, we went to Moscow and we visited Constant Constantine at the GSO in Moscow and bought a bunch of big books in 12 and twelves and sat down with my English big book on one side and Russian big book on the other. And I took these two guys through the 12 steps of alcohol extonomas and

you know, they saved my life again. You guys saved my life and

as far as I know that meeting is still there. It was a couple years ago when I went back to visit and,

and the year after I moved, they asked me to do the same thing with traditions, you know. So again, we sat down, the three of us, and I broke out the 12:00 and 12:00 and we went through the traditions word by word. And they,

yeah, I still can't believe it there. There was another guy that came at the beginning stages of that meeting and you know there are other people that came in and out that did it, but one of these two traveled

twice a week, every week, 3 hours by train just to come to the one a meeting. This is the closest one there. You know,

that kind of dedication and willingness is so beautiful.

So I ran out of money and I had to come home.

And when I got here, Portland had been awarded the International Conference Young People in A. So I got straight on the host committee. I got to serve as the program chair. I also got super involved in general service. My time on and off in Portland. I had been AGSR and alternate GSRGSR again and alternate DCM and alternate DCM again.

DCMI Think I did that twice too, you know, like it just kind of kept going through the cycle. I felt in love

with a service I It is so awesome that every single one of us has a voice in the future of this fellowship.

Just how a functions is it blows my mind. I mean the whole world shop right? This way nothing would get done, but

there would be peace and unity.

But yeah, I love it. I love the behind the scenes work. I love the committee work. I have such a huge passion for it. I just don't even. I'm a nerd, you know? Like I read the service manual for fun. I love it. There's actually someone who drove up from Portland to hang out with me while I was here this weekend and

and while she was detoxing. One time we sat up all night or like was like 3 or 4 hours and we read the service manual while she was detoxing.

That was awesome.

See, it's just sitting right here. She's still sober. It works.

I love her.

Yeah. So

Portland, I don't really know what else. At what time am I doing on time

anytime I need. Uh oh, you guys are in trouble.

So I was we hosted Icky Paw. It was amazing. Got super involved in general service

and, and then one day I was sitting at like in an assembly meeting in our delegate and our chair, area chair at the time

read this job description, sort of this shout out for GSO was looking for appointed committee members

and both of them turned to my table

and stared at me and indicated rather strongly that I would be applying.

I had no idea what that job was. You know, there's like a paragraph about it and the service manual. But other than that, I had no idea what I was doing. But Dave and Bruce told me to apply and like I said in a, a I've learned that I just do it, I'm told and everything works out. So I went up and met with them after the assembly had finished and we I applied. I filled out the application and applied and

heaven forbid they actually called.

I

was really surprised that that happened. I

have a deep love for Alcoholics Anonymous. And after I got that phone call, I was then incredibly terrified that I would then be rejected by

a, you know, but I did a lot of inventory about it. And they did ask me to come out for an interview. And I flew out to New York and interviewed for the position of appointed committee member on the Trustees Committee on Literature. And it was the most terrifying experience in my life.

A did a lot of prayer and I sat there before a panel of people and we talked about a experience committee experience working the steps. We talked about traditions, we talked about my professional life. We talked about everything. It was actually in hindsight, it was an amazing conversation. But at the time I thought I was going to pee my pants

and I walked out of the office and I'm like, I have no idea what I said.

I looked up to every single one of those people that were sitting in that room and

I didn't think I was going to get it, but I was so grateful to be given the opportunity to be a part of a A in that way. And the next day I got a phone call and inviting me to serve as the appointing committee member for the Trustees Committee on Literature, and I accepted.

It was super, it was super amazing. Four years. A part of what they were looking for is were what prompted, I guess

me to interview as they had just finished the revision of the

young people's pamphlets and they looked around the table and realized that no one was even close to young. So they're recruiting this pamphlet and nobody had current a experience with being young and a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. So

part of that experience was being able to offer that perspective. You know, like, through years of being in service today, a like, I got to carry your voice. And it was such a privilege.

Yeah.

The love that our trusted servants have and the dedication

that is there to carry your voice is

there's nothing like it in the world. You know,

somewhere in there I had invited my mother to come with me to New York on a couple of vacations, and she had said no. And my second year serving, she agreed,

which as I mentioned was, you know, I just never thought she would go. You know, I've been over 10 years and

my neither one of my parents could acknowledge that I was a member of Alcox Anonymous and my mother flew across the country and she came to board weekend with me. She sat at dinner, we sat at the table with Greg, who's the Sunday morning speaker and an amazing human being,

and my mom got

to meet you guys, you know, like, cool.

And she gets it. She actually immediately went home and tried to change her will to give a, a a bunch of money

and after that weekend and I had to explain to her some of our traditions,

but she's into it, you know. Then the following that she came with me to Wacky Paw, my mom and my two younger brothers came with me to Young People's Conference.

Yeah, it was funny,

but they showed up, you know, through like

ten years of living amends. Like my family started to show up and I never thought they would. And I didn't need them to, you know,

around the same time my parents also got divorced. And

through that process, my father found Alan on. My dad has now been a working member of Al Anon for the last three years.

You know, I have my family, I they're crazy, you know, like

an example.

I and this is actually one of the more powerful experiences I've had now call synonymous and making amends to my mother, but a living amends to my mother. But one time before this, it was actually like my last one of my last few months in Portland, she came to visit me and we went out for lunch. And we were sitting at a table in the really nice restaurant overlooking the city of Portland. And