The Pattaya Roundup in Pattaya, Thailand

My name is Charles. I'm an alcoholic.

I'm really grateful to be here and you guys are my whole life. So I kind of like to start with like embarrassing things that would make sure that I'm not going to try to teach you anything because that's what I am. I'm a school teacher, and I've heard about five or six school teachers at this convention,

and you wonder about today's youth. You know why they're messed up, is what you know. A bunch of teachers are all Alcoholics

and kind of sad. And, you know, I'm a school teacher now and I'm waiting for some of my colleagues to come here and they haven't come here yet. But you don't want to say just thank you so much for picking me. Thank you Tommy, for, and they asked me like 6 months ago and if you could imagine what my mind has been like, you know, how, how do I teach you? What what do I, what do I say? You know, and and the, the, the imaginations I I have in my mind of you know,

it's, it's just been terrible. It's and,

and then wonderful. But you know, the truth of it is in Alcoholics Anonymous, I thought if I came here, I wouldn't be afraid anymore. I'd learn the secret that I would never ever have to be afraid. I'd know what the real world is. And the truth of what we have here in Alcoholics Anonymous is that I think I'm just as afraid as I always was. The only difference is that I do it anyway. And that's, that's what I get. And I the courage to move through my fear and just do it anyway and to do the right thing.

I came here

to Bangkok on September 6, 1989. And my sobriety date is September 6, 1999, ten years to the very day I came here in Bangkok because I came from having a fairly successful career. I was married, I had a house in the Bay Area and I didn't know it at the time, but I drank that all the way. And so I got, I was afraid to travel and I got this round the world ticket that was popular at the time. It was about $1200. And as long as you kept going in the same direction, you didn't have to stop.

And I hated to travel. I can't tell you how much I hated to travel, but I was kind of of this theory that if you're going to learn how to swim, you throw yourself in a swimming pool. And so I came here to, you know, my first stop was Bangkok. And it's been 18 years and I've never left.

And you know, that's, that's just absolutely pathetic and the absolute truth.

You know, I, I really, you know, I think, well, maybe should, I should go someplace. But I, you know, it just seemed like, like everything was here. And it's a very tolerant, loving culture. It's a culture that lets you drink. And, and that's what I, I did here with, with as much as I could for those 10 years.

What I wanted to say that, you know, since then I've been able to travel, not too much, but I now work for a school that sends me to faraway places to get training. And the last trip I was on was to a trip to Mumbai and India. And I'd never gone to, I mean, what countries have I been to, you know, America, Mexico, Thailand. And so I was there in, in India and I thought I've, I've got to go to meetings and, and

I'm, I'm terrified. I'm afraid that you know that they're going to, the natives are going to descend on me like locusts and I'll be stripped bare and then murdered or whatever it is.

And so I went, I prayed about it. And you know, there's these 12 year old speed freaks that drive these tricycle things. And I, I just, I called up the, the help line there and I couldn't understand what they were saying. And I just pointed at this thing and, and they took me there and it was about 30 people at this particular meeting and they weren't speaking any English. And I thought, well, OK, maybe that's the way it is because it's supposedly there's this communication between Alcoholics and I've heard other people say they've been in meetings and they hear people not their language. And they still get the

and, and I mean, no offense at all, but it was like duba, dubba, dubba, one day at a time, duba, duba, duba. It's the first drink. And it just went on and on. I'm going, well, maybe, you know, maybe, you know, maybe I'm supposed to hear it. And I, I, I, I just didn't get it.

And So what happened is that it was a, it was a, you got called on there and, and they got called on me, you know, Mr. Charles from Bangkok. And I thought, and I thought, what, what am I going to say? I, I, you know, what can I possibly say?

And so I told them, I told them the absolute truth that I was terrified of traveling and this is what I did to come to this meeting. And I couldn't believe that I was here. And I said, but when am I going to get better? When am I going to figure everything out? And, and you know, this is a story that that has to do with my son. And I tell it a lot. But you know, my got sober when my son was 5 and when he was in like the 2nd or the 3rd grade, part of his health studies was to talk about drugs and alcohol. And so if he needed help with his homework and I knew everything, you know, why, Dad, why do people drink?

Do they drink too much? What does it feel like to be drunk? Why do people? And like, he's asking these questions and I'm answering them because I know the answer. And

yeah, that was good homework. And so

he goes. And the next thing I know, I was teaching art at the time at the school. And then his homeroom teacher came to me. He goes teacher Charles, your son told the class that you peed in the refrigerator.

And

so that's the story that I told in India.

And what happened at that particular time is all of a sudden everyone at that meeting in Mumbai, India, in Bombay, they all started speaking English and they all told the story. I didn't think there was an appropriate places to pee and bum by, but but there is obviously.

And, you know, that's, that's the Brotherhood of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Yeah.

No, I, I didn't know what was wrong with me. I'm the only one in my family that's ever come to Alcoholics Anonymous. And they say that, that, you know, sweet relations are restored and all that stuff. And that, that hasn't happened for me yet. They, my family doesn't know what to make of me. They, they really don't That when I've gone back, you know, I've been here almost 18 years. I've been back to the United States 3 * 1 time drunk and two times sober. I wanted to take my son back

to show my, my mother and my, you know, my mother that, you know, this is me sober. This is what I'm like. This is my life here. And, you know, it was, it was good. It was good. But it was very quiet because no one in my family drank when I was there. And after a while, I went, you know, this is weird. This isn't, this isn't my family. My family doesn't do this. We're drunk. And, you know, that was OK. And I went back the second time and I noticed something, something different that it was, it was, there was a coldness about it,

about me being there. And I realized kind of what the story is, is that wouldn't it be better if I came back to Thailand and then everybody could go about the business of having drinks, you know, and, and I don't know if that's the case, but, you know, that's what alcohol does to, to people. That's what alcohol does to families. And maybe that's what alcohol, that's how surely what alcohol did for me. You know, my, my wife was here and my son is here. And maybe I didn't know I had a trouble with alcohol until my son was born. And when my son was born, it was a great day in my life.

I took all of the credit. I sat in the waiting room and my son was wheeled by crying. You know, I went. I did all that, just me. And I vowed that I was going to be the kind of parent and father that I never had and that I wanted to be more than anything in my life.

And my son got to be about 18 months. But, you know, I was still drinking. And at that time, I had two apartments. One was my drinking apartment and one was my regular apartment. They were right next to each other. And my son would want to come and visit me. And he was just a toddler,

and I didn't spend any time at all, But he would get these big bottles of Leo beer, which was my drink. And he's about just a little bit older than my daughter here. And he'd take that big bottle and he'd knock on my door trying to get in to spend time with me. You know, he wanted to be with Daddy. And I take that beer. And, you know, that was fine. But then he started, you know, sticking his finger in an outlet or spilling water or messing with, you know, whatever it is that was going on with me, you know, when I was drinking. And he'd have to leave and he'd just pound on the door wanting to come in.

Often I'd, I'd pass out on the floor and I'd wake up with him sleeping on my back

or I'd be passed out to some other place and it'd be holding on to me. And that little boy just loved me so much. And I felt like such a piece of, of crap, really. And that's the way it was. You know, what kind of father are you? What kind of human being are you? That in one side of my mouth, I thought I had all these thoughts of, you know, I don't know, Father knows best or whatever you want to call it. But this is a reality. And it just tore me apart. It tore me apart. But my boy, he, he absolutely loved me. And

you know, I know we don't get sober for other people. I know that's the truth, but he was a big, big part of it. What got me to Alcoholics Anonymous was this guy named Jay, who was, we ended up working at the same school. Things were getting really bad for me and I was throwing up in between classes. It was part of the routine. Teach a class, throw up, teach a class, throw up. And that that's, you know, that was, that was normal for me. And, and I taught young kids grades at that time, grades two to six. I was a specialty teacher. And I just remember praying, you know, getting them into groups, worksheets, like I was mentioned

say that the beautiful woman who got there three years, you know, here's the worksheets, here's your stuff, talks amongst yourself. Please leave me alone. Please, God in heaven, don't let them ask me a question. I don't want to know. And these kids were really young and young children have been known to be described from teachers anyway, as you know, various liquids coming from various orifices and they're just leaky, horrible, nauseating things that smell bad. And when you're hungover, it's death and you're going to throw up. You just want to stay away from them.

And that was me, the school teacher, you know, molding tomorrow's youth.

And so there was this guy named Jay, and he had one of those a, a roundup coffee cups. And it came from the very first, the very first round of I didn't know anything about Alcoholics Anonymous. I saw the movie Days of Wine and Roses. That was the extent of my knowledge of Alcoholics Anonymous. Maybe I picked up some other things like my younger brother supposedly got sober and Alcoholics Anonymous. But I've since learned that, you know, there, there was nothing really going on there either.

But we, it was just, I didn't know. But I saw that coffee cup and it was a bright beacon and that in my teacher's room, in my classroom, that, you know, where the teachers would have coffee that, that coffee cup. And I'd look at that circle and a A and I'd,

I wonder what it was like. And I don't know if Jay knows this, but you know, sometimes I knew something was wrong with me. I used Jay's coffee cup. I put coffee in it and drink and see if it tasted funny. It was just, it's like a weird thing. It was like, you know, you guys walking around with those AAT shirts and everything, you know, Oh God, maybe that breaks your anonymity. But you know what? There's going to be somebody out there that's going to look at that and maybe you're going to be a sign and go, oh, that's one of those a a guys. And you know, that's what happened with me.

And so my last, my last drunk was here in Padia and I was here with my young son. He was about four years old at the time. And he was riding on my shoulders and he was crying because

I was staggering so bad. He was afraid he was going to fall off. My Thai wife at the time was mad at me, but that was nothing new. She was always mad at me. And I and I, you know, they went back to the hotel and I drank. And I was the kind of drunk that was out there on that walkway, you know, drinking and being one of the people, you know, I'm one of the people drinking alcohol. And I just, I just got really, really drunk. And my last drunk wasn't any worse than any other drunk, really. It was a bunch of that that that crappy Leo beer that I don't think has even gone

in price since since I drank it. It's horrible stuff. It should be like, you know, one of those questions, you know, do you drink Leo beer and you're in alcohol?

And I was, I went to school. I went to school and this day more than any other, I was sick. I was sick like a dog was sick and it wouldn't go away. I was sick and I had diarrhea and I wouldn't stop. It wasn't like normal where I could go in between classes. And it was the 2nd grade toilet where they had those little tiny toilets that are about the size of an army helmet.

And I'm sitting on there, you know, throwing up and having diarrhea like as green as one of those praying mantises on those little tiny toilets.

And my, my classroom who loved me, the students who loved me. Oh, teacher Charles, he's sick. He's crying. And they all streamed into the bathroom where I was. And they started pounding on the sides of the stall, pounding like, like, like Dawn of the dead, the zombies and Dawn of the Dead, you know, and, and you know, it's funny now, but at the time it was absolute madness.

And for the first time in my life, I prayed, you know, God help me. God help me without any kind of reservation or any kind of saying no, God help me out of this. And I'll never do it again. It was that first time.

This is madness. And I can't go on anymore. I can't go on. Help me, please. And you know, I heard, why don't you ask that guy about Alcoholics Anonymous, that guy with a coffee cup. And I did. And I said, Jay, I got to go to one of those meetings. He was, oh, you an alcoholic. And,

and

I said, yeah, I think I am. And he was all excited. He was only three years sober and he was in this evangelical phase of sobriety. And he, he loved Alcoholics Anonymous, Jay, and he still does. Jay loved Alcoholics Anonymous. And, you know, he, he was a great star, a great star in my life. And my first meeting was at Soy 33 in Bangkok. And I, I came there on my own and I, I remembered preparing for the meeting going, you know, what do you wear to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous? You know, you, you wear like bomb

clothes or, you know, am I going to make you feel bad if I wear nice clothes or, or you know, like, you know, how stupid, how stupid of me that I would imagine, you know, I'm dying. I'm dying and I'm worried about the clothes that I would wear. But I came up there and I saw that house and there are people smoking outside and I thought, oh, so those, those are Alcoholics in there. I wonder what they look like. And I and I pause, you know, what do they sound like? What am I going to say? Why am I here? Do what am I going to talk about?

I just, I just didn't know. And I approached this step and somebody came right up to me and said, you know, are you new? And it's like, you know, how do you know?

How do you know? And I said, yeah. And this guy said, you know, you can. And I, and I mean this with great respect, and I mean this respectfully, but this is what the man said to me, as he said, don't worry about it. You can still go to the cathouses. And it's better than ever

now I

now I don't, I don't go those places really. And but you know what it's, it's it put my mind at ease because,

because really, if you guys don't know it, you, you in no offense to this either, but you guys look like Mormons to a newcomer. You're all clean cut, your eyes are real bright and shiny. You're cheerful and you're kind of scary. You're scary. And, and you know, that put me, that put me right at ease immediately. And that particular meeting was a step study. And it was on some like super higher level step, like step six. I saw that the books were open and, and I didn't know, I didn't know what a meeting was. And the, the, the meeting started and they, they started with a serenity

prayer, which which I really didn't know. And there it wasn't anywhere. So I kind of like lip synched it. You know, people say, God, I know it. You like that because there's no place to read it or anything. I didn't want you to know that I was new, even though everyone knew that I was new. And somebody said, there's a newcomer in the room and they all went to step one. And I didn't know what that meant. I didn't know what a step was. All I knew is that for some reason, you guys did something special for me that I would never have imagined in a million years.

You know me, you know, lower than the lowest animal on earth among you, you bright eyed, happy, cheerful people. There's somebody, a newcomer in the room. Let's do step one. And so, you know, step one and the 12 and 12 is very short. And then after that came of litany of horror and that, you know, that went on and on.

And but you know, The thing is what happened is that laughing absolutely. And then I was in jail and laughing and then and then and then rehab and I lost this and that and,

and justice laughing so hard that the water was coming out of their eyes. And, you know, I felt free because those were my stories. Those were my stories. And I thought about it. Yeah. It wasn't my fault, really. And that made me feel free for the first time in my life. I'd never knew any Alcoholics before. And I don't know if my family's an alcohol or Alcoholics or not. They drink a lot. But, you know, I never knew that there was anyone on the earth that had the phenomena of craving or did

things that we did. I thought everybody was like me, that they had some drinks and they helped that craving and they just stopped. And they didn't do stupid things. But I always did. And here was this group of people who made me laugh for the very first time in years. I couldn't remember the last time I left. And I left my guts out and I went, this is great. And the moment, you know, when the meeting ended, I didn't want it to end.

And I thought, you know, this is the first time I've ever been with people where I didn't look at the clock and say, please time, hurry up so I can get away from these people, so I can drink.

I wanted to stay with you. And I left that meeting and someone said see you, Charles.

And it's like, you know, no one had called me by name and said see you. And the last time that I could remember,

and that meant an awful lot to me. So, you know, a lot of people, maybe they come to resistance, you know, resistance to Alcoholics Anonymous. But that's not my story.

You know, I think I fell in love with you guys from the very first minute and I put to test everything you said. I really took to heart that I didn't think that I was going to make it. And that said, really, have you seen a person fail? It was thoroughly followed our path and it was my mission to do everything that you said and then fail and then go see told you it didn't work. And that was kind of like my scheme. And so anyway, that first meeting there was that and I came to the next meeting and everybody in that particular group said time to get a sponsor now.

And, you know, I didn't know what a sponsor was that like, like the Big Brother, you know, a Big Brother or a father figure or whatever it is.

But they told me, you know, they didn't say anything like it wasn't explained to me. Like, you know, find somebody that

that has what you want. I don't think I would have understood that. It said find somebody that you really respect. And my first sponsor, I did respect him. He was a successful man. He went to every meeting that I went to and I did 90 and 90. And I wanted to be just like him. And, and he told me what to do. And it's not like I went, oh, I'm going to do it. I didn't want to do this stuff. I didn't want to call somebody up every single day. You know, he's rich. Why should I spend the 5 bucks? And that was my thought.

And, you know, and, you know, start the morning of the day on your prayers, you know, Oh, please, God. And you know, I haven't been on my in my knees and I since I was like six or something like that. You know, what if someone sees me, you know, you know, how embarrassing and you know, but I did it anyway, you know, to the God, I don't believe or anything. Please protect me from the first drink today. And at the end, thank you. And that that was it. And that was the starting point and.

I don't know how my, my life, my life got better. My life got better and, and the 1st 30 days,

that was my record, my record for not drinking since the age of college, since the age of like 19 years old when I started drinking, my record for not drinking was three days and I made it 30 days. I planned this gigantic speech of gratitude of how I discovered and learned everything about Alcoholics Anonymous and I just wept like a baby.

I was grateful and I was like, and that's what I did. That was my thirty day speech. And so I waited for my night. You know what? My 90 day speech, that's going to be the killer. And I prepared it and it's just like just like I did this one. I mean, I've got like 8 sheets of text, you know, here

and it's like, you know, this everything, the things you know, make you feel feelings you've never felt before, laugh in places you've never laughed before. And I got up and I just wept like a baby. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you for my life. And, and what happened after that is I, I'm grateful for this. Is that my sponsor? He said, well, you've got the 90 days, you've got 30 days to do your four step. And, and after they ended up thirty step, you're gonna be doing your, your 5th step. And I, you know, I knew what that meant. That means, you know, after I have enough courage to come to a meeting,

Alcoholics Anonymous now admitting that I'm, I'm, I'm not any good and that my life is over and I finally get a sponsor and have to ask him what he's, you know, to hi, will you be my sponsor? Oh God, it's so humiliating. And then, you know, now what's going to happen is he's going to know everything about me. He's going to know what I'm really like. Not that I did anything. Now that I, I think, you know, everything that was in my four step, I've shared openly at meetings, you know, over the course of time, everything that was a great dark secret. But you know, for him, I, I, I wrote that stuff

down and it wasn't as, maybe as good as it was. And I did it like I got, I became an, a, a fanatic on the Internet. You wouldn't believe how many four step guides are out there. Do this, do that, try this, try that. And I, I, I, I downloaded them all and did nothing

until the, until that, that moment where I just knew I, you know, he, my sponsor was my first sponsor, was not kind to me. And he just said, well, you know what, if you don't do it, then you get somebody else.

And, you know, I didn't, you know, I'm the most important person in the room. You can't do that. And, and, but I knew that he was going to do that. And so I wrote it and I went there and I told him and all that stuff. And that's when I think I joined Alcoholics Anonymous for real, you know, for absolute real. When I sat down in that room, you know, I, I, I belonged, I, I was on my way and I was forever grateful for that.

Anyway, so a year went on and, and things started getting really bad at home. My son's mother, I thought she'd be so proud of me that I was sober.

I thought I could be the good husband that she always said that she wanted to have. And I definitely wanted to be the father I wanted the best father I could be. But it got, it got very bad for us. And that, you know, she's barely 48, you know, she's just a tiny woman, but she's like hard as nails. And she started hitting me and pinching me and throwing things at me. And the last thing that happened towards the end of the year, the knife came out and it got worse and worse. At first it was kind of a bravado, but then, you know, I would never know when it was coming. I'd be in

hour and all of a sudden this big Cankel 5 star knife that I brought from the States would come under the door and she'd be moving it back and forth and I'd be going. What is wrong?

And you know, and you can download the thing, you know, the family afterwards, your little interview, you know, where of your, what's your part in it? You know, and I thought, well, maybe it's like a cultural thing that I'm not aware of. And I tried to and my, and my, my sponsor is going, Charles, get out of there, get out of there. And I said, no, you can't do anything the first year. We're not allowed to do anything,

you know, but you know that the core of that is, is that how, how am I going to give up my little boy? What's going to happen to him? Who's who's going to take care of him? Who's

who's, you know, am I going to be in the footsteps of my father and leave? You know

what, you know, what am I going to do? And it got really bad one time. And this is, I think the time that I really surrendered my life and my will over to the care of God is that it was a particularly bad session.

And

she had the knife out again and she said she was going to kill me and she was going to kill my son. And she didn't care. And it was real. It was real. Like you're watching a movie and you think, yeah, maybe this is bravado, but it wasn't bravado. There was this weird look in her eye. And I felt something was going to happen. And I was, I was holding my son and and she just said, she's going to do it. And I just covered up on both of us with a sheet. And I just went, you know, just do it. Just do it and get it over with.

And and and. I waited and, and, and it didn't happen,

but I expected it would and it didn't. And then I knew, you know, this is not right. This is not the way it's supposed to be. And so the next day I knew I had to go. And so, you know, it was the last night and my son and I, we, you know, he slept with me. We didn't sleep in the same bedroom. Me and my wife and my son and I were stuck together. And I was early in the morning and I, I thought, you know, I looked at all this stuff that I'd accumulated in the 10 years of Bangkok. You know, what do you take? What do you, what do you take when you're just going to have to

in the morning, steal away in the morning and then say goodbye? And I just, you know, looked at his face and you're like, you know, I'm sure you have children of what children look like when they're sleeping with their long lashes and things. And I'm never going to see you again. And you know, I'm like if my father was, and I took the, the coins, the sobriety coins gave me and I put those in my pocket and I took some CDs and I took AI took my computer

and I went to school and I went and talked to the principal and I said I can't,

I can't take my wife anymore. Now she knew there was something weird about my wife. Oh, I didn't mention this. My wife tried to do that Hannah thing with her hair

and it didn't work. Her hair was green like the Joker

and she had done things at the school. I'd be teaching art and she'd be trying to get in with that knife, you know, and I'd be teaching and she and she said, teacher Charles, what's who's that woman? I said, you kids, you know, just leave. Just ignore that woman there. We've got this thing, you know, we got this paper mache thing we're doing here. You know, she'll go away.

And

yeah, so he knew there was something going on,

right?

And so I said, I've got to go away from the school for about a week. I can't take it anymore. And, you know, he was a real, this school was a fundamentalist Christian Adventist school. And no offense against anybody who's a fundamentalist Adventist Christian, but you know, those guys are just real square

maybe. Well, and this guy was kind to me. And he goes, you know what, you can stay at our school housing, but just for a day. And so I went away and I he goes, go back, go back after that day, go back to your apartment and get some clothes. And I went back to the apartment and everything was gone. Everything she had sold everything in one day. And it was just nothing but an empty room. There was no clothes or washing machine or anything.

And my little boy was gone.

And I thought, you know, I went to the meeting. You know, you liars, you Alcoholics Anonymous liars, you know, you better write down what you're going to get or what you want or whatever that is. And I went, this is not the way it's supposed to be.

And it was bad for me and I made it worse because of course, then filled with guilt and remorse. And you know, I went to every toy section of every Bangkok, you know, department store, crawling my eyes out thinking of all those toys I should have bought my son but didn't and that he's gone. And he was gone for about 3 months away from me. And I got over that. And I don't know, I don't think I had, you know, I don't think, I don't think I had a dry eye my first year and a half Alcoholics Anonymous.

It was just awful. And then I came back to school one day and there he was playing in front of my Art Room. And I couldn't believe it. And and it seemed like even in the short time he'd grown and he goes, Dad, why are you crying? And I said,

I'm so glad to see you, You're back. And my wife had given him to the maids, and the maids weren't going to give him to me. And I had to go to the Thai principle to get my son back. But you know what? My son was with me. And, you know, that was the greatest moment. And I thought, I'll never ask for anything as long as I live. This is all that I want. And at night, he say, hold me, Dad, you know, hold me because I'm scared. And you know, I said, OK, game, I'll hold you. But you know what? I think I don't know who was holding who. And that's the absolute truth.

His mother would pop out of the woodwork. You know what? She I'd be carrying him and she'd rip the shirt off my back and I'd be at school with no shirt, you know, and then she'd run away, you know, like it was madness. Anyway, she got over that. We got over that. Anyway, I don't know. I don't want to. God, it's just so you know,

all right, Anyway, so I got told Jay again, this goes back to Jay as Jay went away to to get his master's degree from Michigan State University. And it so happened that Michigan State University was flying the professors here at a patio. And he had gone and spent a year here at summer here, and he'd already done his first course. He goes, Charles, why don't you do that? Why don't you go get your master's degree? Then you don't have to teach it. Crappy schools like this.

I can't do that, Jay. I'm too stupid. And I went to my sponsor and I said I can't do that. And you know,

he goes, just just fill out the forms. Don't you're not accepted. You're not going to get accepted. No one wants you just fill out the form and nail it. I can't fill out this box, you know, and it's like, oh God. And it was like 1 box at a time. I don't know why I have this, this fear. But of course, you know, the story, the story that happened is I mailed that application away and I got accepted when I got to get my master's degree here and Patty over the course of three summers. And I don't know where the money came from, but I got the money to do that.

And I very much like to thank the Patio Group when I was down here doing that master's degree. And I'd come here to your meetings on Ska Beach and tell you what was going on in my life. And there was great kindness and compassion at those meetings. And you guys are, are part of my life, very, very much so.

And so I finished my master's degree and my son was with me and I thought, well, maybe it's time that I find a mate. And, you know, I just, you know, God meant this for me. And, you know, I, I, I think I was the only guy in Bangkok that didn't have a girlfriend. That's what I thought because I didn't, I, I couldn't talk to women. I couldn't say anything. I could, I could be a dad and I could be a teacher, but I couldn't talk to women at all. And I was just

so scared. And so I'd met this one woman, and I thought she was the answer to my prayers. I really did, you know? She was beautiful and kind. And after a month, she just looked at me and went, EW. And she dropped me

and you know that that stung. That's done. But then I went to Alcoholics Anonymous, the rumoured E group, and someone said, we know what Charles, here's what you do. Go on the sky train and smile. Go, go. You know, you're not marrying these girls. Just travel that, you know, get take a shower, get some nice clothes, travel the sky trains, look at girls, smile. Hey, hi, hi. You know, don't name the children you're not. Just just try that, you know, and maybe you can add coffee, just lunch for coffee, something like that. And I went, you know what? I'm going to try that. I'm going to do that. And I,

what have I got to lose? You know, this is someone who's got lots of sobriety, who knows what's going on. And I did that. I wore some nice clothes and I rode the sky train and I, you know, look at Thai girls and, you know,

and I think I creeped some of them out.

But, you know, one day, one day I hit it, you know, one day I hit the jackpot. I was smiling and they were smiling back. And I went, Oh my God, this is happening. Thank you, Higher power and everywhere, hi and smiles and everything. And I, I, I, I was the highest of happiness that I'd ever been in my life.

And I got off at the Emporium to stop after that, that wonderful ride on the train. I looked out at my fly was wide open.

Yeah,

yeah.

And you know that that that was kind of like a bottom for me. It really was

because, you know, I took the vow that, you know, I'm never, you know, I'm never going to have a girlfriend ever again. You know, my job is, I'm going to be an Alcoholic's Anonymous. I'm going to be the best father I can be. I'm going to be the best teacher I can be, But I'm not going to be a man for any woman. And that's just, that's going to be my, my life. You know, thank you, higher power, thank you, Alcoholics Anonymous. And I, and I gave up. I, I completely gave up and that I'll, I won't try anymore.

And then as the art teacher, this beautiful Thai woman who was who sold art supplies came into my Art Room

and my wife here. And, you know, I'd never met. I've never seen such a beautiful woman who was so kind. And she loved my little boy. And, you know, I thought, you know, what do I say? You know, like I'm an alcoholic. I'm a single dad. I mean, you know, I'm a, I'm a loser. You know what?

You know what?

You know, what in the world do I say?

And I, I saw her and she'd come to my Art Room only two or three times. And I'd, I've never asked a, a beautiful woman out for a date, you know, before.

And I thought, you know, if you don't ask her, Charles, you're going to remember this for the rest of your life. And it's going to be one more thing. Why didn't you? Why didn't you? And so I went up and I said, you know, would you like to go out? And she said no.

And I said, well, it wouldn't really be like a date. It would be like, you see, I'm a single dad and this is my son. And if we were to go out, it'd be kind of like us together. And it would go to, you know, we do something during the day at lunch.

And also I'm interested in art supplies. And this would be near

mood. Yeah, smooth.

And you know, that's when it started breaking down one of that. You know, she goes, OK, OK. And I dated her for a year. And in the big book it says something like, you know, after on that in the sex part, it said, you know, when we do our sex inventory, we write down the ideal of what we want our love life to be. And I did write that down. This is what I want. This is what I promised. This is what I can give. This is what I believe in. And I wrote that down

and I showed it to her. I said, this is what I want. This is what I am, this is what I want to do. And and she bit it. You know, she, yeah, she she liked that. And, and we got married And to prove that I'm, I'm really an alcoholic, she said, you know, why don't you handle the alcohol for the wedding?

And I thought, you know, there's about 120 people now. OK, I'm just going to tell you how I thought and see, see if it might be the same for you. There's 120 people. You know, half of those people drink. I know that now. I now know that not everybody drinks. Half of those people drink. And probably half of those people are going to drink half a bottle and the other half are probably going to drink a quarter of a bottle. That would mean 15 bottles to 7 bottles, which we about two dozen bottles of alcohol