The 13th Anniversary of Any Length Recovery conference in Sumter, SC

I'm going to move that stuff because I'm going to knock it off anyway, So what the heck. My name is Chris Raymer. I'm very grateful. Recovered alcoholic and a drug addict, but I'm bummed

you you guys sitting out in the sun. I'll go as quick as I can this I won't keep you long and I'm I'm so honored to be here. I, I, I was trying to figure out I spoke here once before years ago. I don't know. I spoke from that porch over there and there wasn't near this many people. So y'all are doing something right. If you got this many people showing up, I am I am honored to be here. I, I know a bunch of you from my little forays into the South and getting to speak. It's just so great to see some of you guys and staying sober and kicking butt. And

I'm just honored to,

I tell you, I am.

I nearly, I nearly died getting Alcoholics Anonymous.

This wasn't one of those. My life's kind of becoming unmanageable and I need to get cleaned up and you know, and everything's going to be OK. And I went to an A, a meeting and got sober. And that's just, that's just not my story. And so I want to tell you a little bit about this. These are my blind side. I'm going to probably knock into this about 40 times during this talk. So you

I don't know why he keeps hitting the mic cuz I can't see the bastard, that's why. No, no, no, it's OK. That's OK.

I used to work a saute line in the I was a professional chef for years. I work a saute line and everybody just like, oh shit, you know, he's a hot flaming skillet. But the guys on this side would whistle and they'd make noise. As long as you're making noise, I know where you're at. So that's

I used to date girls that just had never mind. I just never

never mind. I'm sorry, I,

I get a chance to do some of this pretty often and it's not because, you know, any great major story or anything, but I, but I think I share the sentiments with a lot of people. And, but I know from experience, I got sober in November 13th, 1987. And I've done this for most of the 22 years I've been sober. I've I've spoke from the podium

and some of you in there, like I said in the in the audience have heard me before. You kind of know where I'm going here, but I but I'm just I'm begging you. I just hear this and then you could drift off to dreamland. Listen, guys, I'm here to share my story my

my story and my story may be different than your story you follow. I mean, page 17 in the big book says we got a common problem and a common solution doesn't say we have a common story. And this is what some people just don't seem to understand. They get a little tweaky when my story doesn't jibe with your story. And we got cats here. They came to us from the from the legal system, from jail. Good heavens. And I didn't and we got people coming here, just walked in the doors. And I know for fact guys, because

the nut is that we've got some some folks in here that God, do I even want to say this? Oh shit no

y'all feel free to go and take your clothes off too OK?

It's no sweat no sweat. Go ahead, brother.

We got some cats in here in this in this gathering right here that are not, not alcoholic or addict.

OK? They're going to meetings. They call themselves Alcoholics and addicts, but they call themselves recovering Alcoholics and addicts. They've never worked the 12 steps and they don't need the spiritual experience that Roger was talking about. And our rooms are full of them and they're welcome. I hope they

die soon, but

because these are the cats that want to come taking exception. Guys, this is life and death. I'm sorry I'm but it's just good gosh, You know, it was so cool to hear Roger say that. Before I get up here and speak, I just need to reiterate what he's saying. Guys, the 12 steps are about a spiritual experience. This ain't about religion. It's saying about going to church. This is about a spiritual experience that allows us to overcome the obsession to drink and drug. This is unapologetically about God

and if you think it's some kind of a chicken, you know what self help program you need to go get another plate of food and go someplace else 'cause you're not going to like this talk

and that's OK with me. I love you. I just don't think you got the right to come into a meeting and water the message down and explain to people that it is some kind of a self help program because that's why we got so many people that can't say so. There you go.

Anyway. There you go.

I feel so much better. Well, I used to not talk about that before and I'd share my story and then people would line up for 45 minutes after I talked. Want to take exception with what I said. I mean it's amazing to me, you know the little new guy who's come to any length or little guys come on into an AA meeting. The first thing we're going to do is get them said like you need to be open minded, you need to be open minded. And then

and then we got guys sitting around this fellowship that been over 3030 years that are so freaking close minded. It's not even funny

is that you can say something what the book says, but all of a sudden you're controversial. But they can get over there and say, don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and all of a sudden you'll know where I'm going with this, right? Okay.

I mean, it always echoes, well, I don't know about that. But my sponsor said, you know, I don't know about that. But my counselor said I don't know about any of that. My big book says this.

I don't know

we can share anything. God, I went, I was telling somebody earlier, Joey, I went to a one of the first open discussion meetings I've been to in ages. I go to open discussion slash literature based meetings. That's what we do. We study the literature and the meetings I go to and and but I went I was in Austin, TX and I just changed jobs and I went to this meeting I'd never been to. Is it open discussion meeting? A little chairperson had a little topic had nothing to do with the 12 steps or or anything. You know, it was just, and I'm sitting in there and I'm remembering is this guy rambles on for 30 minutes in the meeting.

I don't go to open discussion hell anymore. You know I just don't

I

I'm from from from Texas. Y'all probably noticed that right off because of my my thick accent.

Listen, don't even start with me on this accent stuff. Listen, I travel all over the world, and the only place I've ever needed a translator is South Carolina.

Oh my God,

I got to say I wish that the guys had the same coming out of a girls mouth. It is just it is hypnotic. Say it again, you know, and it's just it is just. If we could bottle it, we'd all get rich. A southern accent on a woman is nothing sexier. I it just doesn't translate with guys so well. I don't know what is,

I don't know what that's about. But anyway, I got, I got, I was raised over and I was born out in West, TX, that oilfield trash. And we moved to the Hill Country because dad wanted, he said we got to get you kids someplace close to water because there's an Odessa, TX. There was no water there. And so we moved to the Hill Country and this big river moving through it. And that was just, we lived in a nice, we had a nice life there. I've got an identical twin brother and some of you all know him. His name is Myers and he's in the program too. And and I've got two beautiful sisters.

We had a wonderful family front row Baptist Church. Every time the door was open and we there was number goofy stuff going on and

but my dad was an alcoholic and genetically we got this little predisposition going on and my twin brother and I caught the bullet. And about 17 years old,

our co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous in January 1971 passed away. And that same month, Chris Raymer took his first drink sitting down on the river, opened a bottle of Boones farm apple wine and Larry night, my, my friend Larry in this audience. We it just any of you guys have never tried it

just on your next relapse try it is I don't know

they can't. I know they call it wine. It's never seen a grape. I guarantee you, it's just,

I don't know what kind of chemical it is, but I know it'll get you loaded, I guarantee you, and it looks pretty good. When it comes back up, it's green,

like lime green. No, OK. But anyway, we drank a couple of sips of that stuff and my friend looked at it and she hated it and take another sip and he couldn't drink it and he handed it to me and I said he said you could have the rest of this I'm going home. And I stopped him. Irk. Wait, you mean you don't want any more of this is what you're saying? See, as it tastes pretty crappy, I'll admit, but but

but I want it. So if you don't want it, I'll take it. And so he's handed it to me and he left and I sat there on the Guadalupe River leading up against a 700 year old Cypress tree and finished bottle of Boones Farm. This wasn't one of them big bottles like I see in the grocery stores today. That seems like, I mean, how big can this freaking cans get now? You know, it's like, what is that? That's a beer. It's a keg. What are you talking about?

I'd have died if they had that when I was drinking. I don't, I don't know. But this was when a little, little little bottle of Boones Farm and I and I drank that thing down and went back across the field to my little house and, and walked in and mom said, well, you seem to be up a little late. And I said, Yep, but everything's going to be OK because I got to tell you something, guys. At 17 years old, for the first time in my young adult life, I felt OK inside.

I didn't get squash guys. I wasn't shit faced. I didn't throw up. I hear people from the podium to my experience is a little bit different. That stuff fixed me

man, and I couldn't wait to try it again. And I was one of those cats that had a period of, of, of drinking where the stuff absolutely worked and I mixed it with some drugs downstream. That's, that's a, that's another story. But for most of my, my drinking and drug in history, I was a garden variety drunk and but I was a working son of a gun and I was what they call a functioning alcoholic. Y'all ever hear that term?

It's really sad because little guys that I, we, I, I work at a recovery center and a lot of little guys we get in there, they're there. You know, they're like they like 18 years old and they've already had two DWI's. I said shit, this doesn't even seem fair, does it? You know, you never, you never had any time to really enjoy it. You know, you got

I guess I drank 15 years before I got finally got a DWI. But but I'm working and I'm making some money and I'm holding it together pretty good. You've you've but I'm drinking a lot. But it's never a question of what the problem everybody in Texas drinks You don't just that's just the nature of the beast and my twin brothers drinking right along with me. But what happened in in the 70s, right about the time I discovered some of those outside issues,

cocaine I I'd never

I drank for a whole bunch of years guys and didn't even know what a pawn shop was. I could see them on the road. There's a

so I don't even need to tell that story. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You know, I did cocaine one day and the second day I found a pawn shop. It's like

I don't need this damn telescope. What the hell? I don't know.

Who wants to see the stars when you can visit them? I don't know what that

and I, oh God,

anything with an electric cord shoved in its bud. I went to the pawn shop with, you know,

in sobriety was the coolest thing. When I bought my first toaster, I hadn't had one in years, you know, and it's like, Oh my gosh, look, a real tote. OK, so

my, my twin brother, I just, like I said, we, we ended up getting out of the Hill Country pretty quick. It was a big, small little town and kind of goofy and we, we figured we needed to get out. I went to Houston and it was doing pretty well, but the depression was kicking my butt. And, and here's where some of you get a little dicey with me because I, I started seeing psychiatrists and therapists early on because I couldn't get rid of this depression. And I'm working really hard and I'm, but I'm not liking who I, who I am and I'm suffering from anxiety.

I'm really, I'm, I'm really shy. Anyway, a lot of you guys that know me as friends know that I'm shy and, but, but this was, this was like, I can't move anxiety stuff. And so I'm seeing doctors and they're giving me medications because I'm drinking a lot. They said, well, Chris, you're drinking a lot because you have bipolar disorder. So what you're going to do is we're going to give you some medications and then you won't. And so we did that and guys, I was medicated for every disorder you could find, you know, for years and years and years. And, and I'm not knocking any of that. I know some of y'all are are are messing with that, but

for me, what was wrong with Chris Raymer was I had what we call untreated alcoholism.

You follow this is a problem is that everybody thinks that the alcohol is the problem or the drugs is the problem. It's the internal condition that's the problem. A lot of you family members, y'all are so freaked out. Well, he hadn't drank in six months, but a God Dang, he's kind of tough to be around. No shit.

You take the alcohol away from Chris Raymer and I'm not going to get better. Oh, don't misunderstand me. My external world will get better. I put a little money in the bank, the car gets washed, I'll paint the house. I mean, whatever, But my internal world is going to come unglued at the seams. And that's what people, a lot of people that should know better don't know better. Unless this whole thing is treated spiritually, we're not going to get well. You can go to as many of these places as you want and in and out of treatment and I and you're not going to stay sober. So

I see these doctors. I, I started a journey with about 10 years in therapy,

taking whole bunches of medications. I finally got married trying to save America. This, this, I got married trying to get sober. You know, somebody said you just need some responsibility and thank God we didn't have a bunch of kids because that, I mean, I

anyway, I went up to North Texas with my twin brother and I got a job at a Country Club. I was, again, I told you as a professional chef and was pretty good at it. And it turned out that the chef I was working for was a drug dealer and an alcoholic and and we was a match made in heaven. And it got pretty nutty up in North Texas.

I one night had a little domestic disturbance. And you know what that is

means I got really, really drunk and, and got really loud with my wife and shoved her and it was just stupid. Just that's not how I was raised and scared her and scared me worse. And you know, later that night I came back in and asked her forgiveness And she she made a real clear point with me. She said, Chris, you, you know why this happens? It was. The only time we ever have problems is when you're drinking and drugging and you're, you're you.

I'm, I'm fixing to stop.

I've tried to stop 1000 times, but all of a sudden I got a marriage in jeopardy here and I'm not enjoying it anymore. One of the things that the family members don't understand and maybe some of the younger people in this audience don't understand is that if you do alcohol initially or drugs, it's, it's, it's fun. You know, flash newsflash, you do it long enough and it becomes, it's still fun, but it's a pain in the butt. You know, it's, it's, it's problematic. You do it long enough. What what, what happens is we get to a place called

in stage alcoholism,

little brother laughing about being yellow. This is what happens. Our bodies start to shut down and it's not fun. What happens is you can't imagine life living with it and you can't imagine life living without it. And that's where so many of us end up taking our own lives because we we end up in a spot of hopelessness. It's not fun anymore. And now I really really want to stop.

I, I really, really need to stop

and I can't. And this is what pisses me off because there's a lot of people in the world that can, they get taken to that spot and they say, you know what? I don't want to do this anymore. I'm going to choose to not drink. And they can do it. They can pull it off.

I promised her on my knees that I would never drink again. I was done. I poured out everything and got rid of the alcohol and dope. And for two weeks I went to work and I hustled and I mean, I did everything I was supposed to do and, and I thought everything was just great. And I've done that 100 times. And I came home 2 weeks later and the thought crossed my mind that I could have a beer with some friends, not get drunk, that I could have a beer. But see, my deal with her wasn't that I wasn't going to get drunk. My deal with her was that I wasn't going to touch another drop

and I came home and she smelled it on my breath and she went to the bedroom and packed her bags and left and I milked that for three years. It's her fault, guys. I mean, Kellya, this is what's everybody needs to kind of get clear on the same page. I think is that we can stop stopping's not the problem. Some of you guys detoxing right now in this here. Any links may argue with me on that one. You know, it's AI just sent one of my best friends in in Florida here. He'll be here next week. And I mean he's deep, he's coming apart, you know, and he he thinks that's the hard part. That's kissing a baby's butt compared to what happens

after that. I can stop. I've been detoxed 100 times. I can't stay detoxed. I get out two weeks and my head starts to tell me knife's not so good. Y'all understand that everything is just the bomb Initially kind of feel better, look better, go to the gym, start to buff up a little bit, the car, everything is like, man, you should have done this years ago. I know it. God Dang. I thought, yeah, you ought to see. Look at this balance on my checking account. Look, I actually got 20 bucks. I mean, hell, I've this is

everything's great, guys with me. What happens is take the booze away

and don't do anything spiritually. Just take the booze away. And then a couple of weeks down, all of a sudden internally I become irritable, restless and discontent. Everybody in this place that's not in their head knows exactly. I don't care if it's pills, you're addicted to cocaine, you're addicted to whatever out. You take the substance away long enough, your body will come unglued. The fear comes back, the anxiety comes back. You with us. And a week ago I was the happiest boy in the world, crying with my loved ones. How wonderful

he is. You follow and two weeks into this thing, I'm driving around the loop around some big city someplace grinding my taste. Them sons of bitch. They can't talk to me that way. Irritable, restless and discontent. Geez, This is the time you get in the conversations. I used to work in the kitchens and I'd be periods of sobriety and they go back to the back and the guys would be back there and they said, Chris, you want to drink? Nope, I'm sober. Would you want some of these pills? No, I told you I'm sober. And then two weeks later, I'm back there saying no,

tell me about those pills again. What was that? Because I can't drink. Well, these are horse tranquilizers.

Horse tranquil Horse tranquilizers?

How many you got?

I mean, it's like I've seen it a million time. They were look down our nose. I would never put that in my body ever,

unless that's all you got and that's a I said in treatment. They check in the box. What's your drug of choice?

Yours at what

every once in a while in the treatment center business guys, but I'm there I will see a purist. I'm it's just one thing, but but we put them in rooms by themselves. They don't do real well, you know.

Snobs, you know. Oh my God. Anyway,

anyway, I

in 1987, I'm working for my twin brother and

up in North Texas and I'm you know, I've spent some time on a straight short period of time and not no make that dramatic. I'm living on the street. I got an apartment, but I don't have any money for food and so I'm eating out of dumpsters and, and I'm, I'm between things, you know, and, and I'm, I'm physically I'm the alcohol is is taking its toll and, and I'm nuts. Don't forget I'm still taking 7 pills a day, all doctor prescribed. I'm glowing at night. I've had so many pills in me, but

and I got to tell you guys, we ought to talk about it before we get out of here because it's rampant in the world today.

We're losing more Alcoholics out of Alcoholics Anonymous thanks to a prescription pads than anything else.

It's an amazing thing to watch.

Yeah, Yeah, you're applauding and the woman next to you is grinding her teeth because that's medication you're talking about.

If you're taking it improperly, it is not medication. You're a doping

Anyway, I

up I left work 11 cold November night and I

November 12th, I'll never forget it and went to my little apartment, picked up a stack of return checks and I'm in a little a little efficiency apartment about the size of this of this little gazebo here and filthy and I I'm by myself and I'm drinking a 12 pack of beer and open these return checks and you know, I got to that spot that so many of y'all have been and I just it's like, buddy, I've done this a a deal. It was laughing when they were talking about little brother picking up chips and nobody applauding. That was me and a A,

and I'd done AAA, I'd done therapy, I'd done treatment. I did colonics. I did. I was Roth. I sat naked in sweat lodges. I look, if you think it's gonna help me get sober, I'm gonna give it a shot. You're with us.

One thing I'm not going to do is this, guys, I spent seven years in Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm going to say seven years in Alcoholics Anonymous. My experience was horrible in those rooms because what we did was two things, and I'm going to touch it and I'm not going to belabor it. We tell war stories until the cows come home thinking that that's somehow going to keep one of us sober. And some of you that believe that it is, you need to look at the book and see what we're supposed to be doing. Because any attempt to scare an alcoholic, an addict into these rooms by telling a stupid story is destined to fail.

The book on page seven says on page 24 says we're not going to remember even the consequences of a week or a month ago. I'm not going to remember my own stupid war stories, much less yours. Fear won't keep you sober. If the obsession to use comes back, guys, we're going to go use. My only solution is to get well, to recover. The obsession goes away and you can go kick butt and take names. Now that's the truth. Seven years in Alcoholics Anonymous and I never heard that message. And that's my story.

When we weren't trying to scare each other into recovery, we were trying to solve every problem in the world.

You'll follow?

Yeah. How many of you ever go into an AAA meeting? And who? Here's the topic, Relationships.

And we all laugh. I don't care if I'm in Europe or here. And we all say, oh, yeah, that's a yeah. And yet we let it happen over and over and over again because our formats allow that to take place. Look at that. Some of these guys back here. What's wrong with that,

guys? Because the book says our job is exactly what Roger said earlier. Our job, the 12 steps, is to get us spiritually connected, to have the spiritual experience. It's got nothing to do with relationships. You want to get one, get one. You don't, don't. It ain't going to have any, any measure at all whether you get sober or not. I'm so sick and tired of us trying to play this. Alcoholism is a disease and then treat it like it's a behavioral problem. There's never been a woman yet that got me loaded.

You all understand that

I got me loaded

because I made a conscious choice not to do the work.

Man, I went, I can remember one of the first meetings I ever went to up in Denton, TX and I walked in, I had one of those deals where I had four or five days over and, and there was this nice little guy came up after. I know some of you guys in here just like it. You know, the old big book got the duct tape around it because it's falling apart, you know, 'cause you banged it up so much. And he's got it in his hand. He comes over and says, buddy, we're going down to the coffee shop after the meeting Today I was at a noon meeting because I worked the night shift and said, why don't you come down with us? We'll talk about the book a little bit.

Remember thinking, I'm thinking, God, how nice that is that this guy wants me to come down. You follow and I look over his shoulder and there's a lady back in the back, she by the coffee bar and she's going,

this is the universal sign. No. And I go, oh, buddy, I'm going to have to get back to you on that one. I got it. Some of the stuff I got to do. Maybe we'll do it another time. You wear this. And he goes, that's cool. And he got his book and he left with a bunch of guys and they went down to the coffee shop to talk about God in the steps. I walked over to the nice lady at the coffee. She says, oh, I'm so glad I caught you. That guy is just he's just something else. He's just a whole big book thumper from hell. Listen, listen. All you got to do right now is just worry about coming to meetings because meeting makers make it.

God, if I never hear that phrase again, it'll be too soon for me. Because I got to tell you something, folks. Meeting makers, if that's all you do, don't make it. You're destined to pick up another chip again.

Nowhere in this book does it say if you go to a bunch of meetings, you'll stay sober. Please folks, it says if you work a program you'll have a spiritual experience in your life will change forever.

God can I get a witness? Jeez.

In 1987, I went up to the medicine cabinet that night after reopening those return checks and I, I got up and took a bunch of pills down. I, I just, I had plenty of pills, trust me. And I got them into medicine cabinet and I took them down and got some beer and washed them down. I'm going to commit suicide and there's no note and there's no goodbye calls. There's no nothing. I'm so guys, I've lost whole hope, you know, Alcoholics and addicts that have been to that spot, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Again, there's nothing romantic about it, but you get to a spot where you're just, you're hopeless.

I was at a Cocaine Anonymous meeting last night. Listen to a dear friend of mine do her story at a Cocaine Anonymous in downtown San Antonio. And they brought these girls in from one of these halfway houses. These, these, it's for, for women who have nothing, no money, no nothing. It's just, it's just this guy kind of little privately funded thing for, for, for women. And most of these women are are little, a little hard in stage Alcoholics and little crack heads. And, you know, they're all walking in and looking down at the ground. And it's not because they're shy.

It's because they're spiritless,

The Walking Dead. They've given up

and I stood in front of that medicine cabinet with tears in my eyes and I gave up

because I'm 35 years old and I've done everything you've asked me to do and I can't stay sober.

And I swallow those pills down. And about the time they hit my stomach, I heard a voice that said, don't do this. Go back to a A. And because I'm arguing with this voice first time out, I was like, I ain't going back to AA. Been there, done that, Thank you very much. Cigar box full of chips. No, thank you. There ain't one red one in there, guys, no 30 day chips in there. But I got a lot of one heard that voice twice. And then I made myself sick. And the last I laid down on the side of the bed and, and I heard the voice one last time. I, I, I, I conked out in the next morning.

I heard it one more time, same voice. Don't do this. Go back to AAA. And I made a commitment. I'm gonna go back one more time. But you know how God works. This is like, I couldn't get off work early and I ended up having to stay late and I couldn't go to the meeting that I always went to. There's a couple of babes there that I knew I could get a little sympathy out of. You know, I'm a guys, if you're going to detox, get all the sympathy you want 'cause I, you're not going to do it again. And so, you know, it's like I'm going to this make this stick and

I couldn't go to this meeting, but I I'd been shown where this other meeting was close to my house and close to where I worked.

But I was told by this guy that did 12 step call on me said don't go here if you're not interested in getting sober because these are a bunch of big book thumpers. You wear this, I'm smiling. Thank thank you, Charlie, for telling me that. And then many head. It's a mental note. You'll never darken the door that sumbitch ever. You know, because, you know, I don't even know what a big book thumper is. I just know that it doesn't sound cool. And I,

I'm less than 24 hours away from a suicide attempt, but I'm still cool and outside.

But I'm running late guys, I'm running late. So I go to this meeting and I walk in the back door and sure enough, everybody, everybody in the place, long table, everybody in the place has got big books on their table. And I just, and they're smoking. It's back in the day, everybody got 6 cigarettes sticking out of their mouth. And oh shit, you bored old smokers. We ruined it for y'all in the 80s. I'm telling you, we used to be able to smoke in every a a meeting on the earth and and we can't anymore 'cause we we couldn't just smoke one. You know you have.

Oh my God, light up a big old cigar.

Anyway, I sat down and the chairperson saw me, made eye contact, and the chairperson did something I haven't don't still to this date, don't see very often. He looked around and he saw me and he saw that I was detoxing and he'd seen me up in North Texas before. And he says, Oh my gosh. He said we got a newcomer in here tonight and he took charge of the meeting.

So hear what I said. No, you didn't.

He took charge of the meeting.

That means the same old stale, stupid, boring, out of date format that you've been using for 60 years.

He didn't use.

There wasn't any of this. Who's got the problem? Oh shit, we got a guy nearly dying of alcoholism back there. How about that as a topic? No, no, no, no, no. We're going to talk about your weed eater again. Oh my gosh. Let's talk about acceptance. Oh my gosh. Oh, I want to puke. Y'all, Y'all win. Some of you with me. Some of you are ready to leave. I'm with you. Come on now,

stick with me. This guy said we got a newcomer in here, buddy. We've seen him. Welcome back, Chris. Let's talk about how our lives have changed as a result of working the steps, not as a result of going to 90 meetings in 90 days. Want to puke? That's why people think we're a cult out there, guys. We, we become addicted to the meetings, quote UN quote. What? Guys, there's a circle triangle involved here. Equilateral, you know,

Unity service recovery, you'll follow what we're saying. It's it's all the same.

The program is a part the fellowships apart. I'm not knocking the fellowship. I've been blessed by the fellowship. I didn't stay sober 22 years by the fellowship. I got sober 22 years and stayed this way because I worked the 12 steps and had a spiritual experience. It's been my experience.

They went around a room and shared their stories with me, short vignettes of how their life had changed as a result of working the steps. I didn't have to hear one story about their DWI's, no one story scary about Robin liquor stores and chopping people up and all that happy horseshit. Not one time did I have to hear that. What they did is they went around the room and they shared stories about getting their credit cards back, about getting cool jobs. What they did was they gave me the one thing that I didn't have when I walked in the room and that was hope. For the first time, somebody looked me in the face and said you can recover from this.

Not one day at a time. You live life one day at a time. You make a commitment, you can recover. You can get well. Shh, man,

into the meeting that gave me a chip again. Everybody applauded this time. Dig. The old man came up afterwards though, and he said, Chris, I just got to ask you this question, one simple question. Are you done?

And he explained what that looked like. And he told me in no uncertain terms that being done wasn't exhibited by 90 meetings in 90 days. Being done was get a sponsor and work in the steps at a fast clip. The number one thing I watch people do wrong in a a Cocaine Anonymous narcotic, all the 12 step fellowships, the number one thing I watched them do wrong and those fellowships is they go

too slow.

And I got a bunch of sponsors sitting in this gathering right now with a butts pucker. And I know, I know because you took two years to do the steps, because you took that long to do it, you think we should be able to do it. But the person you're trying to work with may be the real deal. The window will close, folks. Everybody comes in and they start to feel happy, Joyce, and free. How many of you guys have seen that? You get in, you start feeling better. We just talked about it. Everybody wants to make fun and call it a pink cloud, guys. It's called God's grace.

What you're, what you're getting to experience is what this whole program is about.

The obsession to use will go away completely. You're in a position of neutrality and if you end up in the wrong room, some old geezer will make fun of you and knock you off that.

But if you work the steps while you're in that spot, Bill Wilson's nine days in town's hospital detoxing for the last time when he has his barn burning spiritual experience. He's working the steps with Ebby

now. He works the steps in less than two weeks. All of them. Doctor Bob, less than two weeks. Bill D #3, less than two weeks. Nobody took longer than 30 days to work the steps. Guys, I understand you come to a place like that. I work at all at a, at a, at a recovery center. We going to get these guys three months nice and slow, get your feet on the ground. We're going to work you through it. If you can do it in a few months, let's go. But a year

you're going to tell me that you've you've got a year to work the steps. Then I'm going to say you don't understand the first step, that you still believe that you've got a choice whether you're going to do this or not.

Because when the obsession to smoke crack comes back, you're gonna smoke crack and there's not going to be a trigger to stop you or a Gorsky relapse workbook grid to deal with.

Tools to help us in early sobriety. I'm not knocking any of that. I'm saying this is not a self help program. This is for keeps. This is for keeps.

I told a guy I would. The next day we got on our knees and explained what the third step prayer was. He explained that the third step prayer was not just some little Willy nilly prayer. That it obligated us, obligated us to go back into meetings and bear witness to God's power. That means that was my marching orders from here on was to share hope in a meeting. And if you happen to be having a shitty day and needed to talk to somebody, that was he. That was what he was there for. That was what my friends are there for. That's why we go to Denny's. That's why we go sit in the park and smoke a butt and talk about her again.

We don't do it in our meetings. And you're afraid to disagree, but we got a whole fellowship dying out there because they can't hear the solution to the problem. True that

I did AI did a third step prayer. We got up, went some got some Mexican food. We came back and we came back. I went to my car and as as I'm getting in the car, he hands me a notebook and he says, Chris, old buddy, you did a great prayer this morning. Why don't you go home now and I'll see you at six at the meeting. In the meantime, why don't you start working on this old four step You with me guys, I've been in a A for seven years and never worked any steps. And I'm in there two days now and I'm work. I'm on a working on a fourth step. Then he says that's too quick

for you. Maybe

for the real alcoholic that's going to die if he didn't have a spiritual experience, it's probably too slow.

When did we start? When did we start allowing the newcomer to set the pace?

Well, they'll work it at their own leisure when they're ready. No, damn it, they won't.

The obsession to use will come back and they will go use when they're ready. Guys, nobody wants to work the 12 steps. It's too damned uncomfortable. We need somebody there to kind of push us and prod us. The spiritual path is narrow, but God Dang, it takes some teeth to do it. I couldn't. This guy's jamming me through. You'll follow. 2 weeks later, I've got a completed four step. I put his name on there because I thought he was rushing to me a little fast, you know?

In the meantime, he's got me learning how to chair a meeting. I'm two weeks over, guys. I've been in a A for seven years, never chaired a meeting.

You wear this like these little guys did. They came up and they read how it worked and stuff. Seven years in, AAI never did that. You with me? I'm a taker to the end and this guy points it out. Buddy, you've been a taker forever. When are you going to help the fellowship? When are you going to understand what the third legacy is all about? It's about service. Come help us.