The 5th anniversary meeting of the Into Action group in Plymouth, UK

In accordance with our common welfare and tradition, 5 with respectfully our step descriptions be kept on minimum. Repeated disturbances are not acceptable at this mean. And with that, I'll hand you over to Mike who has come to share his experience jumping up with us. Thank you.

My name's Mark. I'm a Recover direct.

First of all, you know the reason I'm aware of certain tie, you know, it's not to make myself look good. It's because that's what I was told to do by my sponsor.

You know,

it's just sure I'm here. I mean, business, you know, and that business being hopefully someone will hear a message that will save their life tonight. I don't know if there's any, but it's new in the room tonight. But you know, if there is this is where I found recovery

in 12 step fellowships of DA. You know,

I tried that, but a past history what did to get clean and what it's like now,

you know,

from a small child. I always knew there was something wrong with me. You know,

Shay, grow up, pull your socks up, get your right together. Why can't you be like a pals? And I would say, I don't know,

you know, I had a younger brother. It was one too many, you know,

I always felt the world owed me a favor, you know, everything. We should just click into place the way that I wanted it to, you know? And if that didn't happen, then we'll be tied to anyone who was around me. You know, I made a life misery in hell, you know, and that carried on for many years.

You know, started taking

alcohol and drugs at a young age. You know,

I'd lots of good people around me try to give me advice, steering in the right direction. But I always seem to think of that thought that I knew what was right for me. You know, at the beginning I was having fun and I enjoyed it, but very quickly

I became became an obsession. You know, if I didn't have it or couldn't get it, can get the means of it,

you know, I'll make your life misery until I could get what I needed to make myself feel better. You know, appears to me, to councillors from a young age, doctors, psychiatrists and they would say what's the matter with you? And again, one answer I don't know. I could never put my finger on it, but I almost felt indifferent, different from everyone else, you know? I felt

a goldfish outside a goldfish bowl looking in.

You know

when I used

drugs that change that, you know, it took that self centeredness away from me. It enabled me to cope with life on life terms which I was never able to do. You know, I see my friends grow up growing up, getting on my life, getting jobs, settling down, getting married,

being responsible members of society.

I was just totally incapable of it, you know, Tried many times relationships, jobs,

as quick as I got them, as quick as that they went, you know, I was totally incapable of living life on life's terms.

Umm

yeah, I said before I thought life, everyday in life would be a favour. You know, I blame David else for for my shortcomings. You know, it was my parents fault, my brother's fault, the government's fault, the doctors fault, everybody put my own. You know,

I was given all the warnings for my alley age. You'll end up on the streets. You'll end up on hard drugs. You'll end up unemployable.

Nobody want to know you, I don't think. What do you know? Ain't good harm to me. I'm too strong for that. You know, I thought this

indignant Scottish pride that I had

withstand me instead, you know,

as many of us, most of us in this room know, you know,

before pride comes a fall, you know, and every time, no matter what I did to try and make things right, I always fell deeper and deeper into a worse medicine. What I've been in for previously,

you know, first arrived and a 12 step fellowship nine years ago,

people said got sponsor. One of the 12 steps

got lots of service. It'll keep you clean.

Got sponsor because everyone else had won. They've lots of service because everyone else was doing it. Don't want the program

didn't know anything about a program by the meetings spurred a load of rubbish potentially potential potentially killing people. You know,

after doing that for 18 months, you know, I basically text tells us that

and I think without a program where reverts to natural state and that's to use drugs, you know, and that's exactly what I did.

No, after 18 months of

madness and sanity and misery, you know, people come out to me in my face and say, oh, you look great, big man, how you doing? And he's smiling up and saying, yeah, I'm doing good. We're inside. I want to kill him. You know, I hate the world and I hate everyone, and I didn't want to be in it.

I picked up again, you know? Foster was a relief. But

you know, it was short lived. It brought me to step one rapidly. You know,

I don't have to answer 100 odd questions to know what my step one was. It was a gut feeling.

They made me aware that everything I had tried previously over 20 odd years has failed. You know

that my life experience amounted to nothing. You know,

getting clean, getting relationships, getting jobs, changing locations

didn't work.

You know,

I'll have to admit to a fight that I was out of all ideas. You know, I'd run out of my own ideas. And I knew how much trouble I was, and I knew I had to follow someone else's thinking.

I was brought along to a Home group very similar to this one. You know, there was men and women there who spoke with convictions for the clarity. You know, they weren't spouting war stories

and

they kept it simple. You know, they said what

how addiction has affected them in a way they thought and the way they felt, you know,

and they said what they had done to recover from addiction

and, and they said, you know, if I wanted what they had, all I had to do was follow on their footsteps. You know,

from day one, you know, it was pointed out to me that

if I said if I was an addict of their description, I was in serious trouble. The only thing they knew of.

Thank you,

they would be able to save me. Was having a spiritual awakening. I was having a spiritual defense because no man made type of form of defence would do the job.

You know, I wasn't a very, very spiritual person that arrived.

I was open minded because I knew I had to follow someone elses path, you know? And

they said that if I could believe in the concept of a higher power, it'd give me a cast to give a cast iron guarantee that I'd recover from addiction.

You know, said before, I've been a doctor's counselor, psychiatrist and all these professional people. And I said, can you guarantee me that I'm not going to work out that door and pick up again? Oh, I'm sorry, we can't do that, you know, But that's strange. Group of men in London who declared from addiction, you know,

by following some spirit simple spiritual program

and walked in 12 steps in their lives.

You know, these people have recovered and they gave me that cast iron guarantee that I could recover as they had. All I had to do was jump in with both feet, you know, throw myself into the program.

Yeah. And that's what I did. You know, I was told from day one, you know, get myself involved in a Home group

sponsor,

stand outside me. People at the door meet, greet newcomers, shake their hand,

ask them if you want a coffee, guide them towards the literature table. You know this is what I started doing from day one. You know, I was told

if I want to recover as these men and women,

they've come before me, then I had to do what they had done. And this is what they had done. You know,

I had to follow in service positions.

Yeah. I don't think I was capable of doing it. Doing it. I responded into I was shown how to do it exactly the way people had done it before me. You know,

nothing that I have done that has got me in this,

where I am today is of my own doing. You know,

I cut to the point, you know, I came in to a 12 step fellowship, broken, beaten at depth, without hope. You know, I was trying to throw ideas and ask someone to help me, and that's what I did. You know,

I was told following his footsteps, I did that. You know, I got a sponsor. I allowed myself to be guided to 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. DA sorry,

I played these principles in all areas of my life, you know,

got involved, involved in service from day one, you know,

I was told began, you know, I don't have to understand the steps. I didn't have to be intellectual

to work the program. All I had to do was put the footwork in. And that's exactly what I did. And I got the same recovery as people who came before me did. You know, I recovered from addiction. You know, I continue to work this program in all areas of my life.

You know, I don't forget where it comes from, but today, you know, my life's great. My sponsor says that, you know, I only have great days and brilliant days and that's because I continue to work with 12 steps of the year in my life and on a daily basis.

If there's anyone new in the room or get on board, she's secretary at the end of the evening and get herself sponsored and crack on the work and I'll leave there. Thanks.

And then we'll we'll hand you over to Tracy, who has come to share her experience.

Thank you.

My name is Tracy. I'm Project. I don't think it was a good idea even beforehand. But yeah, what a privilege it is to to be in a Home group that's celebrating its five year anniversary. It still blows me away that I'm able to maintain recovery and it's come through like Mark spoke about through surrender, through

being beaten of my own ideas.

I'm not a great speaker. I'm not going to say pretend I am. But what I am convinced in and what I have certainty in is that I have recovered from the disease of addiction. And that's what what my job is. I'm not here to reiterate to people who, who, who are you meet week after week. It's for that person who might be sat in this room who, who is wanting a way out, who was struggling with their emotions, who was, who was struggling with

predicaments that drug addiction brings. And all I can share is my experience, strength and hope. And, and that's what I do. I mean,

it's great hindsight. It's great. As I look back at my life, I can see I had fear. The first episode of fear I experienced when I went to school, I was absolutely terrified. And from that moment I stopped going. I just didn't go

and

I may not I was not to close start attending drugs at very early age. I mean, that's it doesn't matter what, what, what drugs I talk, it doesn't matter what state I got my life in, because we all know what, what was important to me and for my for me as an who came into a room to identify was the emotional and the mental state that I hit when I hit step one.

Like I said, hindsight's great. I could see this fee for what it is. But when I look back at 1314, I didn't know that I suffered from a disease.

I didn't realize where my life would propel and where it would turn out to be. I didn't just suddenly decide, actually, I'm going to be, I'm going to become a drug addict and become, the book speaks about the tornado on people's lives. But that's what I turned out to be.

Chronically self-centered. I'm chronically dishonest. I'm chronically manipulative. I'm like the actor. This book, this is what I love. This Home group, this fellowship sticks to this. If it's not from this book, then I don't want to know.

I don't get bored of reading this book. And it's been a little while now. I still get excited. I still see something from a different perspective. When I read this, it's because I've been taught, right, because my sponsor does the same, because hair sponsor does the same. And that's important to me. We're we're in a fellowship of making miracles. Do you know I mean to see someone come in battered by, baffled by their own thinking, to come in and see them within a week, within two weeks, getting a glimpse can can start looking people in the eye

because that wasn't who I was when I walked into this room. I came into this room mentally and emotionally battered, bankrupt. But until I hit that place there wouldn't have been no surrender 'cause I was a great one wanting to do things my way self Will. No, I'm alright, I can do it. I've had good, great people in my life. Tracy, why are you doing this? Do it this way. No, no, I just went on my merry path and I understood. It speaks about the threefold illness. I understood the twofold, the first two parts, the mental and the physical obsession.

My drug of choice. I have plenty times went out. Now I'm just gonna buy this. But when that compulsion gone on me, got on me, I would go to any lengths to get it. But what intrigued me when I walked into this Home group was when they spoke about the third part, the spiritual. The spiritual sickness, the malady, the irritable, the restless, the discontent.

This is my experience. I use drugs for 17 year without having a break unless I was taken out of society. But when I when I hit that place where I didn't have a drug inside me, that's the uncomfortable bit. That's the bit I couldn't understand. I couldn't understand why I would always retrieve back to that. I couldn't understand why I couldn't cope with my own life. I couldn't the bedevilment and pray to misery and pray to depression and pray

I'm just praying to, but

that's what I experienced in my step one and before. Like I said, I was unteachable before that happened to me. I came to play my thinking. I get a partner, I do a geographical and I'd be alright. Certainly wasn't the case. That's like thank God that people were armed with the facts that thank God that there was something with the box depth and weight. I need something with depth and weight because if I don't see some results quick, I won't hang around. I'll get bored of you as you'll, you'll do my edit and I'll move on.

I've come in and I've, I've, I've worked with a sponsor and I remain teachable. I watch my sponsor like, like not starkishly or anything, but like, I watch how my sponsor acts. My sponsor still has what I want. My, I still want how, how she carries herself with content. I need that. And I may, I may, I'm starting to get that today. The biggest thing for me as I grew up and I took responsibility for my own crap. Do you know what I mean? Because I was a great one. Well, no. If my mother had loved me, if the cat hadn't died,

whatever. Do you know what I mean? But when I hit that step one, I finally realized, actually, this is your own doing, Tracy, Do you know what I mean? And that's through that came humility, came bit of willingness. I walked in. I'd been previously in a fellowship.

I don't know. I just didn't listen. I wasn't ready. Within a short period of time, I hit that place where loneliness and fear like I've never felt before. And I was 34 when I hit that. I thought, what happened? Do you know what I mean? And I walked into this, this Home group, which this Home group, which is now my Home group. And someone at the top, top tables spoke about how they felt, how, how, how

they were just baffled by what what happened. Do you know and,

and I identified and I, I knew I left that meeting with a bit of hope. I left that meeting with

with the needed to be a new direction and

it was rapid. It was rapid. I came in, I I said I got a sponsor. I got the suggestions and within a couple of days I started noticing a change. I asked, praying. I didn't know I didn't have no what it didn't matter what concept that the room was a power greater than myself at that time. OK, I went home and I started playing. Felt a little bit funny, but within a couple of days I started to feel OK.

Do you know,

and I made I made when my sponsor says said, are you willing to go any lengths to get this? Are you willing to do what I've done? That's my commitment to say, yeah, and that's my commitment for her to hold me accountable. My my sponsored job is to get me in touch with a power greater than myself. My sponsors job is to say, well, if I go something not you need you need to do it this way. And I, I remain, I have that humility still quickly go through the steps like

1-2 and 3456 and seven is is about me. Do you know what I mean?

Do I when I see them Mr. Defects. I was great when I could remember resentments from 20 year ago. Like Stuart says that I'll be sat in the bathroom and you do you know what I mean? But I'll that got cleared.

I'm I'm at it's my foundation properly in place. This is step five. My foundation is properly in place. I have I skipped on this amount? No, I haven't. I can't afford to do this. Step six of these things are objectionable to me. It is because I've seen these in Step 4.

How how once I'm set right once I straight out mentally and emotionally, then I'm able to be a service

9:10 and 11:00 and 12:00 is it are the are the big ones? Do I mean I haven't done all my events, but I'm willing to do these. I'm not restarting all sort of sanity until these till I've fully cleared my path and I do that by taking inventory at night, by being of service, says in the book be cautious, be rigorous around self sent in this round. Fear,

dishonesty, Not yet.

Be vigorous around these because I have to be. Because it's still about my recovery. It's still about me. I don't want to go out there and make another insane decision. Since I've come in, I've been given life, I've been given freedom. I I came and I didn't know what was on offer. Why would I? I just seen these people who were around me, the founder members that my sponsor could sit with himself with ease. And I could never do that. I could never

and do anything productable. I was a failure and full of fear. I was just one of their addicts who was crap, didn't didn't do anything. But since I've come in and done this program, I've gained Peace of Mind. I've gained willingness to be of service to other people. I understand the bills. Every speaks about it. When he goes to say belt in the book, it's imperative that we seek other addicts out. If I'm not doing that, then have I got a step one?

I have to enlarge my spiritual connection with God. If I'm not doing that, then I ain't got to step one. If I'm not doing my suggestions, if I'm not doing my inventory, if I'm not speaking honestly with my sponsor,

from not being in a table apart in this fellowship, then for me it's this is only my opinion. If I've got a true step on do I think I'm beaten by this disease? Yeah, Yeah, I just need a drink.

I've orange juice today. I thank God

these are things I've always got to. I don't, I don't live in fear of my step one, but I remember that that that state I walked into, into this Home group and I think that's it. That's a healthy place to be in because I'm not, I'm not complacent enough to say I've beaten this because I'm not. I'm still an addict. I still get private

have a little bit of times, but when I see these, I quickly rectify them. I quickly humble myself to prayer and meditation. When I speak to my sponsor, first thing she'll say, have you prayed and meditated? That's why I know I'm on. I'm in a place that they stick to this literature.

I need to be of service outside the wider fellowship. I need to,

I need to keep putting 1 foot in front of the other because I'm not going to stand still in my recovery because if I stand still in my recovery then then it's going to be problematic again. I've learned so much since I've come in here. The simple things by putting chairs out, by being like the suggestions say, be your service, put your hand out with someone, put a chair out have stood me in good stead today.

I'm able to achieve things that actually blow me away. Do you know I'm able to

go out and not be so scared of the world? Go out. No one knows that I'm a a chronic addict who suffers from a fatal malady when I go to university. No one needs to know that. Why should they need to know that? Because God has removed this from me. This like I like what Mark said. This ain't my doing.

Magic was causing misery, pain

to people in their lives and to myself. I've just got to stay on track with this stuff. And when I stay on track today, I need to have this Peace of Mind that I may have. I've got today. I need to have that conscious contact with God. I can't do that by sitting listening to music. I can't do that by watching TVI need to shut off. I need to spend and I need to be disciplined around this discipline,

responsibility, being consistent,

having some humility, these things that were thank you, these things that were oblivious to me. But coming in, I, I feel like I've been given my life back and that is miraculous. And to see someone else come in and we're scared. They don't know what, they don't know what's in front of them. And to see them come in and be able to do a step five share at the top of the table,

that always gives me ghost pimples because that's what it's about. There's people out there dying. Do you know what I mean? What am I doing to get to these people? That's the important thing. What is my own group doing? And my own is my own group. Sticking by the all the traditions are about being observed. Tradition 5.

Are we being of service? And I can answer yes. That's why I remain in this Home group. I'm full of leaders who lead by example. My sponsor does that and that keeps me on it even keel mentally and emotionally. And I no longer obsess around using drugs. Never mind all the other miracles. That wasn't on its case. I used drugs chronically for for a long time. Today

when I came home with step one, I've never thought about using a drug in a few years now. Not a few were covered before, but that's something that

I thought my my addiction life was a normal one. Today I can differentiate the truth from the false because I've got that power greater myself gives me that God's conscience. But how do I maintain that? I humble myself by practicing, like Andy says, all of the steps and being of service. And when I do that, it's priceless. Nothing I wouldn't put I wouldn't put price on this. Do you know what I mean? It's it's, it is phenomenal, phenomenal. Why do I say words I can't speak?

Yeah, yeah, that one anyway. But I'll leave it there. Thank you.

Did you please keep your shares?