The Crown Valley Speaker Meeting in Laguna Niguel, CA

At this time, I'd like to remind all you do is silence your cell phones. And it is my pleasure to introduce our speaker for this evening, John H from Dana Point, CA

Good evening, everybody. My name is John and I'm an alcoholic and

kind of a new thing for me to say. I've been able to say that most of my life.

I knew I drank a lot.

I really did never want to admit that I was an alcoholic. I want, I thought it would be a lot cooler to be a drug addict.

So

let's see.

You know, the fact is that a lot of my story tonight you're going to hear, I'm going to talk about drugs a little bit. It's part of my story. I fully respect Alcoholics Anonymous and their and their singleness purpose. I truly do. Alcoholics saved my life and, and, but tonight is my story and I got to talk a little bit about drugs because it's a big part of my story. How many kids I I grew up in the 60s

let's go back a little bit My first sobriety date was May 29th, 1955 I as before Lois, that's also my birthday today. I was born, so I

I kept that sobriety date until December 31st, 1964. So that's nine years old. On my parents had a New Year's Eve party

and I got into the drinks that were left behind and I drank a lot and I drank to a blackout. I drank to where I was on my bed, on my back, vomiting, aspirating my own vomit. And my brother came and rolled me over and probably saved my life. I woke up the next day with

the worst headache ever. Everybody is watching football and is all I wanted to do was and everybody's giving me a hard time because they saw me drunk the night before. My brothers were all they got a big kick out of it and and of course I was in trouble with my parents and that was

something that is going to get used to. But

and you know, most people would never drink again if they would gone through what I got. I mean, I woke up and there was vomit everywhere and everybody was mad at me

and I did something a little weird. I from that day on, I started to,

I Phillip bottles, I'd steal liquor from my father a little bit at a time and I fill up a bottle that I had in the garage and then when the bottle was full, I do that same thing again. And, and I thought that I don't think that's normal. So I think that I probably was an alcoholic from a very early age. Like I said, I'm a kid of the 60s and I didn't have a lot of sober time from that first relapse that I had in in December of 19,

64 and

I, I soon found marijuana. It was at my junior high school. I was a little young for Woodstock. So I always thought that, you know, I wish I could say I went to Woodstock. I think that'd be really bitching, but, but I was a little young for that, you know, but I, I, I started using drugs at a pretty early age and, and, and it was always alcohol. Alcohol was always part of my story. One of my friends could always manage to get us some booze. So

my

throughout the 70s and along with drinking alcohol a lot, I mean, the 70s were just a great time to be alive. There's a couple people that can thicken up vouch for that here. You know, my saying is that, that you know, that in the 60s they experimented with drugs.

In the 70s, we knew exactly what we're doing. So we did too. And you know, the, the alcohol, like I said, alcohol was always there. I'm not one of those guys that's going to say, you know, that that alcohol wasn't my real problem, you know, or when I drank, I'd use drugs. I drank, I drank. I would do

a couple hits, Orange Sunshine and 30 bears. I mean, and that was that was bitching. That was great. I love that that's that got me where I wanted to go. So

things let's see, I'm going to I want to get to my next so variety date and

I was 24 years old. I I've been drinking quite, quite heavily for a long time. And on 24 years old, it was another December 31st of 1979

and

I've been, I've been at a party and it was with some of the, the drug dealers from Colorado Springs and we were drinking Dom Perry on and and you know, life was good And, and I, I, I thought that it didn't get any better than that. You know, we, I was, I was living a pretty cool life. I had a bunch of friends and we partied a lot and had a really good time. And it, it been kind of AI usually start a pretty good drinking binge on right when football started. So this,

this, it was towards, you know, towards the end of the year and it became kind of a habit for me that I get into some trouble towards the end of the year. But this particular year on December 31st, we're at this party and I wasn't feeling so good and I kept going outside and vomiting. You know, I wasn't anything new for me to vomit, of course, but but some felt a little different. So I got my, my girlfriend at the time and I said we need to go. I'm just not doing good. So I went home and I went to the bathroom and I vomited one more time and it was

bright red. And I say, you know, something is really wrong. So I, I went to the, the emergency room and,

and I had,

they diagnosed me with alcoholic gastritis and I was going, whoa boy, I'll never drink again. And

that lasted like 3 days. The doctor came in and he asked me if I didn't took a lot of aspirin and I said well yeah, I do. And he goes, he goes, well you know, that might have something that you had 7 dime sized holes in your stomach. He goes your stomach almost disintegrated and and he goes, you know, the aspirin might have something to do with it. Well, that's not what I heard. What I heard was,

ah, it was the aspirin. And so I turned alcoholic gastritis into gastritis and so and then therefore everything was cool and, and you know what? I didn't take aspirin for 20 years. Years

and

seven days later, I'm sick. I was in, I was in intensive care for 11 days. I was in the hospital for over 20 days. I got 24 units of blood. And, and the, the thing that I was asking doctors, I was walking out the door was when can I drink? I was going to Jamaica in March and I wanted to make sure I could, I could drink it in March. So. And I did, I, I think I stayed continuously sober for at least two months that time. So

the next time, the next time I, I, I, I, I sobered up was in, in the year 2000. And, and I found out that in, in the year 2000 that I had a hepatitis C that I, I picked up from getting those 24 units of blood back in, in, in, in

when I was in the hospital in 1980. And

pretty devastating news. And, you know, the doctor told me that I couldn't drink and I stopped drinking and,

and I, I think I stopped drinking pretty much for three years. Like I said, there's a lot of drug drug use in my, in my, my story. And I think that I, I was pretty clean that whole time, even from drugs. I think I was taking clean for me was like, I was only doing Xanax and smoking a little dope. So, but you know, that's sober for me. So,

you know, and, and I, I didn't this, this stuff called interferon and it makes you pretty ill and it's, it's not the most pleasant stuff to do. And, and, and I, I did it twice and it didn't work. And, and, and my greatest idea was that, you know, OK, then Vicodin and, and, and, and booze. So I would take a handful of Vicodin and drink it down with the booze. And I guess that's the most toxic thing you can do to your liver.

So you know, this went off for quite a while.

I,

I, I that, that was, that was, that was the beginning of the end for me. My, my alcoholism progressed rapidly after that. You know, all through my life, I'd, I'd had this history of, of every couple years I'd end up in the hospital and it would, it always, I'd start like a really good run right it towards it, right around when football started. And then somewhere around Christmas I'd end up in the hospital. So

Christmas Day I spent in the hospital. I spent New Year's Day in the hospital. You know, right around then is when my life would fall apart. So, you know, I found this out in a, in a inventory that knew my sponsor did

when I was trying to, when I was trying to diagnose myself. So, and find out that I actually had this, this thing called alcoholism.

So so so after after I found out that the interferon treatment hadn't worked and I still had the hepatitis, CI

was pretty much intent on drinking myself to death. It didn't really matter to me.

I kind of lost the will to live, I suppose. And and and

it got pretty bad. Pretty over the next couple years it got pretty bad.

By 2004 I was starting to show up in hospitals pretty regularly. I was starting to show up in detoxes and and and insane asylums. I mean, right out of the book,

I,

and at one point my, my, I, my family member came up to me and said, you know, Johnny, there's you got to do something about this. I'd gotten out of detox and I drank immediately after that and, and, and I said, I said, OK, Susan, I my, my sister, welcome to the Al Anon's. She my dad was a drinker and my sister had gone to Al Anon and that pretty much screwed me. So

I, I, I she knew what to do with me. So,

and I kind of pushed my will upon her a little bit, You know, I, I decided I was going to do it my way. I wanted a softer and gentler way. And I was doing an outpatient program and this was the coolest. I, it's not like any program I've ever heard of in California. They allowed me to

pegs, annex and smoke marijuana as long as I didn't smoke crack and drink tequila. So I was going cool. So

that was my program of recovery, so.

For 28 days and I and I on the 29th I drank and, and then after that I, I made it 15 days and then I made it seven days. And, and then my sister, she called me up and she goes, John, this is not working. And I go, you know, I go. And I was, I totally had another plan. You know, I was sitting there, I was sitting there reciting my plan to her and it was going to be a really good plan and things are going to work out really good,

good. And, and I I can just imagine what she was thinking on the other end of the line. And by this time she I've been thrown out of my, my I've been living in my dad's basement. I had a little cottage industry that going down there. I'm selling cocaine and, and

my my poor sister, you know, she's, she's listening on the other end of the phone and I'm sitting there telling, telling her my latest greatest idea. And all of a sudden,

as loud as this, I heard John

your way doesn't work. And it was that loud. And I kind of looked around and I kept, I was going, whoa, better layout that stuff. So

and so I was talking to my sister and I sitting there and once again I heard this voice and I said honest. It was this. It was just like this. It was John, your way doesn't work. I have no idea where that boys came from. I don't know what it was, but I stopped and you can ask my sister today. She'll tell you that something in our in the middle of our conversation, something changed.

Something changed

and I, well, I found out later is what we call the surrender. I, I gave up and I said, yeah, Susan, I'll, I'll do whatever. I'll do whatever. And So what I did at that point was I turned my will and my life over to my sister. And I didn't even know I'd done that. So I turned it over to my sister and I, I said, you know, whatever, I'll do whatever. And so she sent me to a, a treatment center in, in Dana Point. And

so

all these little surrenders, I, I got into the recovery house and I absolutely turned my will in my life over to the care of this recovery center. And they took me to a A and I kind of turned my will in my life over to a A. It took me a little while to do that. I wasn't I I I was a little scared of the God God concept and

I knew AAI was pretty sure a a wouldn't work for me. I have a a ex-wife that's sober 19 years and

and I'd been to a couple AAA meetings and I was pretty sure it wouldn't work for me. Umm,

but I was. The book says we get beaten into a state of reasonableness. And I was there. I was beaten into a state of reasonableness and and

thank God, thank God I, I was, I got down the road far enough to where I would, I, I'd do anything. I got

my my very first

day and Dana Point there was a softball. I guess I've been here a couple days. My first thing here was pretty unusual. I, I took a train from Colorado Springs to out here and I, I call it my rolling relapse. And

I, I drank it and, and I, I drank beer all the way. And I'd smoke crack in the in the restroom and blow it down a little vacuum bathroom. And, and it was, it was pretty cool. And,

and I got here and I, I checked into the recovery home and, and, and they in, in my bag, they pulled out my, my Xanax and my Oxycontin and, and they go, you can't have these here. And I went, Oh, you don't understand. I I got

you, you, you look on that bottle, Scott, my name is by a real legitimate Dr. You can call them Colorado Springs and, and he'll tell you that I need those and, and they all we're sorry you can't take those here. So what I did was I took the bottles into the bathroom and I took all but three out of each one. And I took them all and

I went to my very first meeting in a blackout, and

that's as probably as comfortable as I've been in a meeting since then, so.

Day three I day three in California, a guy walked up, took one look at me. I, I probably weighed about 150 lbs. And he said you need a sponsor. And I was going. I, I was wondering how he even knew I was new, but, but somehow he guessed and, and he goes, OK, this guy over here, his name is John Spinelli. And I can use John Spinel's whole name and not break his anonymity because John passed

about a year and a half ago. And, and this man saved my life.

And I can say you that unequivocally, this man saved my life. Very patient with me. You know, he, he took me through the book and, and I, I was a professed drug addict and he was patient with me and he, and he and he, and he taught me some things out of the big book Alcoholics Anonymous that I, I started to identify with. Like I said, I was going to to South Coast recovery recovery home here and they were bringing me to meetings and, and

a funny story about this meeting. This, this room means a lot to me. This, this meeting means a lot to me. One night I was sitting in one of the rows over there. I seriously thought that that was another room there.

And I looked, I, I leaned forward and I was looking into the other room and I saw some guy there and I go, God, that guy needs some help.

And then I got the weirdest feeling. I went, Oh my God, it's me.

That's a true story. It freaked me out. I was, I was. It's me

anyway.

And then this meeting in particular, one night, I was pretty new. It was a couple weeks after that I was starting it, you know, get my my head together just a little little bit. And

how's the newest the newcomers, boy? But

I came here and there was a speaker that night and he was a a drummer for Paul McCartney. And,

and he told his story and he talked. He talked. He told the truth about it, the way he used drugs and the way he drank. And I identified

and that's the first time that I really, really identified in a meeting. And that's the first time I got the the gift of hope. And this guy, you know, this guy was better and he was multi many years. So where I can't, I, I don't remember his name, but as I remember is I was sitting there, I was, I was so engrossed in what this man was saying. I mean, I, I was so focused. I mean, I almost, it was almost like he was illuminated on this stage and,

and, and I, I can pinpoint that meeting and that man is, is the guy that gave me my hope back. And that's, you know, that's the, the, the

magic of the meetings is, is we come here and, and my story hopefully will relate and resonate with somebody in this room. And maybe they'll decide that they'll, they want what, what we have here and they'll, they'll do some work to, to get that, to get that done. I don't know if it if if I got willing right at that moment, but but for the first time I saw it. I thought that Alcoholics Anonymous could work.

My drinking wasn't done.

I, I,

my, I got here on April 23rd. So my sobriety date was April 24th, 42 days later I drank and, and I don't even know where that came from that day. I was, I woke up that morning and, and we had a this thing called green group and, and the recovery home I was at and and I was sitting there going.

The San Marcos houses hasn't had a relapse in 65 days and we're doing so good. And and, and then a friend of mine said, let's go to a meeting and he bought a bottle of vodka and a can of Fosters and we went to the beach and I was going to keep an eye on him. So he didn't, so he didn't get hurt. And

and then I'd, I'd really like to know the bar that I, I had my last drink at the next, the next

memory I have is we're in in a bar. The tables are covered with pitchers and bottles of wine and I'm going, how did this happen? I mean, I honestly got struck drunk.

I went back to the recovery home and of course that doesn't go over well when you show up 3 sheets of the wind. I, I, I, we've locked our bikes up on PCH and

forgot the combination to the lock.

So we walked over to Donita Beach and there's a parking lot with a bunch of RV's there and we helped ourselves to bikes there off the back of of some RV's. And and then me and my buddy we got separated and I ended up on PCH talking to the Orange County Sheriff's Department

and they were going to give me a drunk driving ticket for driving on a bicycle. They said they got 8 phone calls about some nut driving in the middle of the road and follow and I was skimmed up from the from head to foot. My pants were torn.

I

and then I asked, I had the audacity that the guy that the guy that was going to test me, I said, well, that was going to throw me out. I said, well, you better give me a test because I, you know, I

but,

and of course I was drunk enough and he said you got to go. So I, I spent the next night at I spent that night on San Juan Creek in a sleeping bag with a with my my friend Tom from the recovery home. And

I got kicked out for three days that they had the three day room and recovery home I was at back then. And, and

I, I was, I was really scared at that point. And I'd actually, I went down to San Clemente and I thought I was going north, but I ended up SI had no idea which way was which when I got here. And I ended up down in San Clemente. I was walking along the beach and, and I was laying on the rocks by the, the beach down in San Clemente. And the train went by and I thought, you know what, how easy would it be just to jump in front of that train, just to jump in front of the train because nothing would nothing at work. I didn't know

baffle us. I was baffled and I was done and

some, some switched inside of me and I remember what you guys did and I, I, I kind of made a commitment to myself. I, I kind of baptized myself in the ocean actually. I was naked,

but I don't need to go into my whole fist up with you. But but I, I, I made a commitment to at least try this. I did. And I, I for the first time, I got that that I had alcoholism. I really did that. I was powerless over alcohol.

So, So anyway, I got back to my recovery home and I started working with my sponsor and

that was June 6th of a 2005 and I've been continuously sober since then. So I,

I love, I love the program of recovery. And if you, if you, if you get anything else from from what I'm saying, and I please know that that I love Alcoholics Anonymous. I,

I love the fact that we read chapter 3 here. Oh, by the way, I'd like to welcome the four newcomers tonight. It's really awesome. I'll be here something tonight that that that'll help you get to the pillow sober. That's what my sponsor told tells me all the time. I welcome to our congratulations for our CHIP takers, especially to my my daughter Emily who has nine months and

family disease boy.

I, I have four children, three of them are in recovery, so I'd like to think that I have something to do with them getting here. But then I got to remember there's got nothing to do with me and it's all about power greater than me because I have not enough power to stop any of my kids from drinking. Kind of, you know, that. That's why I really appreciate the program of Allen on because I you know, I learned a lot from from

from them about how I'm I'm supposed to, to carry this message and.

And I love meaning to read Chapter 3. Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real Alcoholics. And, and I needed the big book Alcoholics. And I was to tell me exactly what a real alcoholic was. I, I thought that I was pretty good at drinking. I thought, I thought I was, you know, on on holidays like New Year's, I'd stay home because I was professional. I'd let the amateurs do it. I was a really good drunk driver.

I I had no problem mixing up a 40 oz Margarita, putting in a in a cup holder

and driving my children around. No problem at all with doing that.

Never got a drunk driving ticket, never did. I don't know how

one time I, I got pulled over by I, I, I driven to the, the Denver, I'm a big Denver Broncos fan and a Denver Broncos had beaten Cleveland in the ASC championship game. And I drank the entire game and I drove home. Two blocks away from my house, a guy ran a stop sign and I hit him

and the cop did the roadside sobriety test and I failed miserably. I couldn't get, I can't even walk. And and he goes, he goes, well, everybody said you really almost got away from the guy and your driving was really good. So we were going to do something we never, ever do when we're going to let you go. And I went and he goes, you just walk home. And so that that's kind of that saved me from those kind of consequences. I didn't have those consequences. So

I never got court mandated to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. And I don't know,

maybe I would have got in there before my, I was 50 years old if I had, but who knows, You know, it took every drink that I took to get me to where I am today. And I saw I'm OK with, with, with whatever it took

a John Spinella, you know, he helped me with that first step. And what I found out was that that I got a couple bad things going for me that, that I got. I have this abnormal reaction to alcohol and that's when I take a drink. I really don't know when I'm going to stop.

And, and I, I, I, like I said, he helped me go through my history of, of my drinking and, and I found that to be the case all the time. You know, I could, I'm the kind of guy that I could pull off drinking a couple beers once in a while, but then I could also see where, you know, I, I'd intended to drink a couple beers and it ended up being a four or five month drinking spree. So,

and then he asked me, you know, he, he helped me figure out that whenever I wanted to drink, I wouldn't, I'd always drink again.

And those two things, you know, we have 20 questions. Those two things make me an alcoholic. I, you know, the 20 questions are really helpful. I took the test. I think Lois got 18 out of 20. I got 20 out of 20. And I convinced myself, and I could tell you I wasn't an alcoholic. I could tell you that I wasn't an alcoholic. And Mike, 'cause I was special, you know, and I was, I almost died of, of my uniqueness, you know, I really did.

But thank God for for good sponsorship in the in the book of recovery that's outlined in the 1st 164 pages of Alcoholics Anonymous because it saved my life

once I caught alcoholism.

He outlined a practical program of action that that I've adopted as a way of life and, and, and, and, and just like the 12 step said, I told you I had a problem with the God concept.

I, I started my, my, my first thought about what my concept of God was, was that I remembered in 1974. I did some really, really, really killer orange sunshine.

I felt this connection to the universe and I said, that's it. That'll be that'll be my higher power. And it worked for me. It really did. And it allowed me the willingness to continue to take the steps. I'll call it synonymous. And then by the time I got to the 12 step, I can tell you that I was spiritually awake that I had I had a spiritual awakening and I like, like Jeff, thank you for sharing tonight. I really appreciate you coming here and doing that. Like Jeff, I called my higher power guy. That just seems to be a pretty good name for him. So

I have no problem if whatever your higher power is it be a Buddha be at Jesus. I, I really don't care is all I urge you to do is, is, is find a power greater than you because

otherwise you probably won't stay. And I, I, I'm just very grateful that I was able to do that with, like with, with my sponsor.

Umm, that first step was really hard for me. It really was. I, I, I did not want to admit alcoholism. And then, you know, when I finally got that one down my, you know, and I, I told my sponsor I was ready to move on. The second one seemed enormous, you know, came to believe that power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Thank you. Good sponsorship showed me that, you know, I thought that the sanity to that, that I was going to be restored to is that I wouldn't do the stupid things that I did when I was drinking and using. And what do you what I found out was

insanity that that I was suffering from was that that I would delude myself to take that drink that a guy that that is dying from liver disease. This follows a handful acetaminophen and and and and mixed with whatever kind of whatever they have an Oxycontin and and alcohol is that's that's not normal. And the little kid that that drinks and and throws up and starts saving more alcohol, that's not normal.

Thank you know, the sanity is that I recognize what that first drink will do to me

and that's that's that's the sanity that the fence that promises that you'll be restored to on the third step came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to stand or OK, where am I made a decision to turn my will in my life over the care of God. There we go.

That was another. I was going to, well, this is, you know, I, I, I barely, I'm telling you that I'm, I'm, I'm, I got this little shred of willingness to believe in God.

And now you're going to tell me I got to turn my will in my life over to him. And my sponsor said, you know, John, you're kind of special. So I'm going to make this really easy for you. He goes for you is all I want you to do is, is, is say that, that you'll turn your will in your life over to Alcoholics Anonymous, that you'll do the work of the rest of the steps. And I said, John, I can do that. And, and I did, and I did, I did a kind of a crappy job on my four step and, and I, I kind of wasn't totally truthful on my first fifth step. And, and,

but those are, if those are really powerful steps, I did them to the best of my ability at the time. And, and I firmly believe that

I, I, I kind of broke away from John at that time and I, I thought it would be a good idea for me to move back to Colorado Springs and, and

I sponsored myself for a little while. Don't suggest that

steps five. I did step by with my sponsor, step 6:00 and 7:00.

There are two paragraphs in the big book. I read the paragraphs. I was going cool, six and seven done make kind of a crappy list of people that I wanted to pay back and didn't really worry about the ones that I did it and went back and told a whole bunch of people I was sorry, a whole bunch of people. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. And

and then, you know, it wasn't really working and, and I was scared I was going to drink Colorado. So I got on a plan. I lasted just a few months. I came back to California

and here I got another sponsor, my sponsor. Now his name's Jim Holder. He doesn't mind me using his name in a meeting, so

he uses it and and freely wants us, wants me to make sure that that if he was ever needed to be found that we didn't know his last name. So and Jim's

took me through the big book again and I work 2 steps in a whole new way. I work them right out of the big book. And

around this time, I think I started listening to the speakers and I kind of got, I started listening to these, these coops from

Texas and, and these guys are like the right wingers of a A and, and I mean, they're big thumping and, and, and I, I love that,

you know, and I got I, I'm a little rigid about the big book. So I, it's one of the things that I pray for a little tolerance these days, because I, I sometimes get a little bit rigid about the program recovery. And if I don't think you're doing it my way, I, I don't think you're really doing it right. And I, I think there's, you know, my way is the right way. And, and I'll tell you what you're supposed to share about in meetings. And if you're sharing about something else, I, I'm apartment to come up and tell you I don't like what you shared about.

So

I've done it

and, and you know, these are the things I I try to work on today.

I love the 7th step and, and, and

the 7th step has allowed me to, to, to be on a equal footing with you guys. And I always, I thought either thought I was better than you were, I was worse than you. And, and, and the 7th step has allowed me to see that I'm just a human being amongst a bunch of other human beings and it's all, everything's OK.

And

you can do the program recovery if you, if you, this one's tough for me, but you know, if you do a step a month for 12 months, I, I won't yell at you anymore. So, and I thought that that was wrong because I think you should be able to get through the steps in a pretty short time. You know, I'm going. And in the old days, I used to do it in a couple weeks. Well, we should do it like they did it back then, but I'm starting to get a little less rigid on that a little.

I, I hear a meeting sometimes that, that,

well, those are just suggestions. And, and I go, well, if you don't take the suggestions and maybe you're not a real alcoholic because the book makes it very clear what a real alcoholic is. And Bill Wilson was, he was very clear on, on exactly what an alcoholic was very clear. He called him real Alcoholics, Alcoholics of our type. And that's what I am. I'm the guy that when I drink, I don't know when I'm going to stop and when I want to stop, I won't. And that makes me a real 1A real one.

And thank God I'm a Roman, because that means that the program recovery is going to probably work for me if I do it.

I rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

That describes a lot of people in this room. It does. And the very next line is those who do not recover, people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. That's what other people in this room. Those two sentences describe everybody in here tonight. And

I hope you're you're, you're willing to give you all of this program because that's what it takes. I I I

Wilson we called Alcoholics alcoholism ate and illness that he never referred to it as a disease. That we it took the American Medical Association to declare the disease later on. And the reason they did that is because it it's it's, it shows symptoms and it shows progression and those two things make it a disease. And

they call it an always fatal disease. So always fatal,

you know, and we, you know, we see people come in. I I've been in the around recovery quite a bit the last five years and I see people coming here and treat it like it's a cold and it's a little frustrating and

always fatal. That's pretty scary. Always fatal.

If you're new here,

welcome.

I guess this, this meeting is that I go to a min stag that we we really focus on on sponsorship. I think that it's imperative to be sponsored. I tried it both ways. I tried being sponsored and sponsor myself. Sponsorship really helps. I'm by no means perfect. We also hear in the meetings a lot of times we are not Saints and I think that that that we read that in a lot of meetings. I, I don't think it's to tell anybody that. I think it's to remind ourselves we're not saying

so. I don't. I'm OK with being human today. I woke up this morning

that's kind of in the book. I'll I'll read it and

this is on page 52. We had to, we were having trouble with personal relationships. We couldn't control our emotional nature. We were pray to misery and depression. We couldn't make a living. We had a feeling of uselessness. We were full of fear. We were unhappy. We couldn't seem to be of real help to other people.

And that, that was me at this point.

That was me this morning.

But I, I, you know, the reason I'm not drunk tonight is because I do some stuff. I do some stuff. So what I did this morning was I, you know, I, I woke up in a, in a, in some fear. Things are not really comfortable for me right now.

And I, I got on my knees and I said a prayer and I went, and I got, I went to a meeting and then I went and got a, a sponsee and I, I listened to his first step. And then I,

I, I, I came here and spoke tonight. And, and all of these things, I do things, I do these spiritual exercises, these spiritual things so that I don't have to drink tonight. What Alcoholics Anonymous has done for me slowly is what alcohol does for me quickly. And that's giving me ease and comfort and

that's all that's what that's all to really promise you is, is that the ease and comfort that you used to get from alcohol and drugs

will be given to you by doing some simple things around around this fellowship.

There's a lot of activity to do in Alcoholics now there's a lot of ways to stay busy. All that's really good. But the the action is the is the steps and the, and my favorite steps, the 12th step that I get to do things like this. I get to sponsor guys. I have several people in this room that I sponsor. I try to sponsor my kids and my girlfriend. They don't really put up with that, but.

Welcome to the new guys and thanks for letting me share.

Let's thank our speaker again.

All right, Lois has been asked to come up and read the promises, then lead us out in the closing prayer. Or Dave. Never mind,

I look like Lois. Hi, I'm Dave and I'm an alcoholic.

The promises. As God's people, we stand on our feet. We don't crawl before anyone. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we're halfway through. We're going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

There will always materialize if we work for them. After a moment of silence, for the alcoholic was still suffering in and out of these rooms, we would please join me in the Lord's Prayer.

Let's say trespasses as we agree with those trespasses against us and we decide to invitations that deliver us evil. The guys Kingdom for power and glory. Prayer. Amen.