Tennessee Conference of Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous in Memphis, TN

Our speaker tonight

as a guy when I, when I, when I was elected to be speaker chair,

he is the absolute first person I thought of.

I will say of my four years of sobriety since I've been sober, this guy is by far the most dedicated, dynamic, energetic and motivated recovering alcoholic I've ever met in my life. And I thought of him because I thought maybe he could come share some of that light with us tonight. Matter of fact, right before this meeting, purely to the service of the conference, you know, talk to him a little bit, share some things that was going on. And it was nice, nice speaking with him and he's just very, very excited.

Had a great attitude. He just so just so excited to be here. I like that there's no pride or arrogance, just very excited. You feel so honored and grateful for the hotel room and the banquet and the people. It just just a fan fantastic young man in recovery. And I do hope, like I said, he shares spill some of that on you guys tonight. He certainly certainly an example of what a young alcoholic could and maybe should be like. So with no further ado,

I would like to introduce our Saturday night speaker for Tiki Pie 2007, John L from Memphis.

Oh, sorry,

Yeah.

Thank you, Jim.

OK,

my name is John Little. I'm an alcoholic.

All right. Thank you. Thank you all. I need that.

First of all, I want to thank Sarah and Alex for taking such good care of me

and, and, and getting me here and, and making sure I'm comfortable while I'm here. And I want to thank you both personally. I want to thank all of the people, the hosts, the people on whatever committees it is that put this thing together And, and, and I mean that for all of us. I'm not. I am speaking just for me,

but not just for making it possible for me, but anybody that had anything to do with putting Tiki Paul together and making it possible for all of us. I want to thank you and it means a lot to me.

And

it's something else I want to say. I have to say it that most of the time, seven days a week, 24 hours a day, I'll tell you that it's I'm real grateful to be sober. And that's one of the most important facts of my life.

And, and right now it's, it's a little different and, and I'm real grateful for it. And that is, is that I'm grateful we're sober, all of us. And that means a lot to me, man. It does. I'm real grateful for that man

'cause I don't believe there would be much me without us.

And I mean that.

My, my sobriety date is December 9th of 2001. That's the most important

date of my life, man. And, and

I probably am not going to talk much of, of what I will tell you what I was like in my drinking man. Hopefully I won't spend too much time and in doing that in any case, you know, in case nobody knows, I have to say this first, man, in case somebody in here does not know,

you never have to take another drink of alcohol another day in your life unless you want to. And you can breathe now, man, I can remember the the first time that a guy told me that I won't say his name, but he said, son, I'll tell you three things. And I was shaking like a lost dog in the rain. And he said, he said, son, I'll tell you three things. And number one is you never have to drink again another day in your life unless you want to.

And I can remember rather looking his eyes. He meant it, man. And I can remember Bree exhaling,

and he said another thing. He says he'd never have to be alone again. Another day in your life, man, unless you want to.

And I said God, he meant that man. And he said third and most importantly is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous does not fail. It works 100% and it's nothing personal.

The steps have changed my life in a way in which

I could not have ever imagined. And I probably won't be able to describe it all in words. I don't have a very big vocabulary

to do it, but you know what? I've I've put a couple of words together,

put a couple of words together. That about sums it up. And and Natios, you know, words can't explain what words can't explain.

I can't, I can't describe what I can't describe, man. And let me tell you, since I've been a member of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I've seen more beautiful experiences and, and had more beautiful experiences that that just blow my mind to my hand. And I love them. I love them and I want more of them. I used to be the kind of person who always wanted one more drink or one more whatever you'd give me mine. And today I'll tell you what I steal them stuck on.

But I tell you I want one more day, man. I want to say I want to do one more inventory. I want to do one more, make one more remained and get a little bit closer to somebody and and and and help one more drunk man.

I'm always stuck on one mower and it's good for me man. It keeps me coming back. Y'all don't have to tell me,

I'm real grateful for it. I'll tell you that. One of the first times when I look back on my, my drinking

and I could see the, the progression of my alcoholism and, and, and let me tell you, and this is important that I say

that I suffer from the disease of alcoholism. And, and just as if a person has cancer or, or diabetes, that person can follow a certain course of action and live relatively free from the symptoms of those diabetes. It's the same with my alcoholism. I take a certain course of action

and I can live relatively, relatively free from the symptoms of my alcoholism. And I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for it, man. And, and I wanted it. I wanted it when I knew it existed.

It's been little to no resistance man on my part. And if I, if I, I'm not clear this up real quick.

If I talk arrogantly,

my arrogance is

my creator. My arrogance is in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I know that if I take the same steps, that if I take the same actions that men and women have been taken for 71 years now, then more than likely I'll live a fairly happy, peaceful and free existence in life. And, and I'm real confident in that

in, in my arrogance and confidence is in you people and, and, and what I've been taught.

So please don't take it the wrong way.

I look back and, and, and I had been drinking alcoholically for some time, but I'll tell you my one day I went to school. And I don't know why because I never did around this time. But I had gotten out of school and I was about 16 years old and, and, and, and I'd gotten out of school. And this was around the Mad Dog 2020 era.

Yeah,

yeah, it was before all the the fruit punch flavors. I believe the only two flavors were orange and grape

250 a fifth. And I used to. My weekends consisted of standing outside of a liquor store begging grown-ups to go in and buy me a fifth. And please don't run off with my money

and I've had that happen a couple of times and I started to slick slide it in. Please don't run off with my money. Mine. I just want to fit the cheap wine and

I've been drinking it a lot man. And, and, and I came home from school one day and a few friends of mine had skipped school and we're already 2 sheets in the wing and man and they automatically handed me 1/5 of orange. And I popped the bottom of it, shake it up. And I took the cap off real quick and, and I put it up to my mouth man. And soon as I got something in my mouth, my system wouldn't accept it.

I, I, I wanted to, to it, tried to kick it right back out and,

and I can remember at that second, my heart started racing real fast, man. And I said, my God, that got to be some kind of freak accident, man. I did. And, and so, so I tried it again. And as soon as soon as the the the wine touched my tongue, my system rejected it again

and again. And, and the reason I point that out is is because I felt as though someone will hold me over a Cliff

and as though my life depended on being able to get that wine down me.

And it scared me that I couldn't and I never knew

I have before. I hadn't looked at that experience and saw how that

me being able to or not being able to get that wine in my body

scared the death out of me, man. And and and and I'll tell you that that.

I believe that every time I drank, I drank alcoholically. I love the way booze taste and I love what it did to me and I loved it every time. There wasn't one day that I put booze inside of me in which

I was good, man, I was good. Anything that went on I could be OK with with Bose and

having a

having a lot of difficulties at at home.

One of the last days,

one of the last days that

I was to spend, I was spending the night at my mama's house

and she just by chance went to work and, and she messed up and left me up there by myself. And she had these, these bottles of wine

sitting by her. Soon as you would walk in her door, you would almost trip over them. And I, my mind convinced me that day that I could take those bottles of wine and sell them and, and get me some coat 45 or some ice house

And so, and so I took about four or five of the bottles and I left one, one of them had a raise back on it in which my mom is a huge Razorback fan. So I I dared not touch that one,

but I took it. There was a woman who always drank out on her balcony and I called her a booze hound because she always drank wine out on a balcony. I took them around their tour and she bought all of them for like 20 bucks. And I walked up to the Circle K and bought me a couple of 40 oz and

drank them. And I was sitting

on a couch when she came home. And let me tell you that I did.

I just skipped forward

along a lot of over a lot of experiences. I had done a lot of damage up until this point. And let me tell you that this was the last. I'm not going to go into everything that I I did in between. Let me tell you, I drank booze viciously and I don't, I don't say that I did any worse than anybody else in this room.

I, I, I don't believe in comparing. I don't want to

say that mine is any worse or any better than anyone else's. I think that's that's irrelevant to me.

I did what I did and, and, and

on this day, my mom never brought my brother home from work. And, and and that's pretty much my whole family. It's my mom and my brother never brought him home with her a day

before and she did this day and and those bottles of wine I believe she wouldn't find or she wouldn't notice missing as soon as she walks in the door, she says, JB, where's my wine? And I, being a genius that I am, said what wine? And

she said that she said, that's it, man, that's good. And and, and I'll tell you, I'm sitting on on the couch man. And, and my mom comes over to me and, and

she proceeds to tell me that she says I love you. Thank you so much,

she said. Son, I love you because I gave birth to you and I carried you around for nine months and use a big baby.

She said that

and she said but you know what? I don't like you son.

And, and, and my brother, she, she walked off to get some of my belongings that I had left there. And my brother walked up to me and said, John, do you have another family somewhere in which you don't steal from and you don't just destroy

because you do that to us? And he said, I'm just curious to know, do you have another one in which you treat good? And maybe that'll bring me some comfort that'll make me feel a little better. And, and, and I sat there and couldn't say anything.

And I remember on this day they proceeded to do that, tell me man, for, for about 10-15 minutes. And I can remember sitting there listening to them and agreeing with everything that they said about me, man, every single thing they said about me, I was a piece of dope, man, piece of dirt. And I'll tell you that I wound it up downtown.

Somebody had told me I could go and stay at the Memphis Union Mission downtown

and they would put me up for free.

And so I did. I went down there and and was able to stay for a little while and I continued to drink a little while and I started to go to this Recovery Dynamics Class.

A guy named Benny,

Benny H taught the class who is who is my teacher. I have his sobriety today. His sobriety was mine and I took it and I love it and I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. But I went to his class for a little while and I'll tell you, December the 8th of 2001 is

to me is every bit just as important as my sobriety day. It is. And I'll tell you why. Because on December the 8th of 2001, I woke up that morning on a on a Chapel floor with about 100 grown men who all of them smelled like ass and anything else you can think of.

I woke up on the same floor with them and I had probably more than 1000 reasons why I shouldn't drink alcohol and I couldn't grab a hold of one of them and not drinking.

I had woke up that morning and the thought crossed my head that I could make up a sobriety date and go by having a 40 ounce of beer and I could lie about it and say I I didn't drink it. So before I knew it, I was purchasing it at the corner of Poplar and Danny Thomas. I walked around the side of it and to show you how how how God works, man. I was fixing the crack that sucker open and the old man Mr. Haywood was walking across the street. He turned around and looked.

Boy, you know you shouldn't be drinking that. And I said, yes, Sir, I know that Mister Haywood and proceeded to to drink it. And I'll tell you

after I got done with it and I'm telling my mind saying I'm going to I've already made-up a sobriety date and I'm not going to tell a soul. I just drank and I walked back to the mission and I walked straight through it. I walked right out on the patio and I walked straight up to the first person in AAI knew Kelly G and he still sober today and I love him.

Walked straight up to him and said Kelly, I just drank alcohol and I didn't want to man.

And, and, and let me tell you that at that very second, I surrendered the alcohol and all that it did to me. And I accepted

that without somebody'd help, man, without some help, alcohol would continue to have its way with me as if I was a newborn baby and weak. And I accepted that. I accepted. And Kelly said magical words to me, my aunt, he said, John, I still love you.

And he said, we'll try it again tomorrow. And I said, man, I just drank. You didn't

and he said we'll try it again tomorrow. And I hadn't had a drink since that day. And I'm very proud of that. I'll tell you the the kind of acceptance man. Let me and and and and, and. My life did not begin to improve until I I surrendered my until I surrendered

all of me and and and and

the best way I can, I can put.

The the degree of acceptance that that I embraced what the program of Alcoholics Anonymous had for me. A friend of mine tells me this story about this this cellmate he had man

and they was in two O 1 popular and he was sitting and talking with this guy man. And the guy says I've got friends out and he says I've got family and olive branch Ms.

And somebody told me that

that if a person is incarcerated an olive branch, they can have family members come and have picnics with you. And he said, I think the next time I go to jail, I'm going to I'm going to break the law in Olive Branch so I can have picnics with my family.

He did. He did. And I said, damn, man, that's powerful. Man. That is powerful.

The thought never occurred to dude to not break the law anymore. He was totally OK with the fact that he was going to stay incarcerated and continue to break the law, but the next time he broke the law, he was going to be in Olive Branch, Ms.

That's beautiful to me, man. It is.

That is acceptance.

It is that is acceptance.

And, and, and and it's, it's important that I say this too. Is, is is

that that I,

I believe in,

I believe in the, the, the, the suggested. I'm a big, I'm, I love the big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I haven't said that that I love the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and, and it saved my life. It has saved my life with the help of a sponsor who has taken a lot of time to sit down with me and read word by word

the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and take me through.

I would suggested 12 steps to recovery and and that's the way it was taught to me that this this is a suggested program, not a program of suggestions.

And and and you know what, if I'm real glad that that my sponsor burned certain things into my mind, man, to where I, I know without a shadow of a doubt today

that I can get and stay sober

face over on a one day at a time basis, man. And, and let me tell you that

I was taken through the Big book of Alcoholics Anonymous when I was about a year and a half sober. And,

and I knew and, and let me tell you, I, I, I went to a lot of been to a lot of a, a meetings

and

I did a, a four step exactly the way the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous says to do it. And and and it was, it was, it was, it was, it was told to me very clear

how to do it. And, and

I wasn't afraid of it because I knew, I knew of the results that would come behind it and I wanted them. I wanted them. I knew I would be one step further away from drinking again and one step closer to peace and contentment and, and, and so I wasn't afraid. And let me tell you it it I did a lot of writing

and and and and, and did,

I'll tell you I had a lot of help.

I had a lot of help because I believe a lot of the information that I discovered in my four step was beyond me and I was incapable of seeing without help.

And, and

when I was done,

my sponsor and myself

sat down and my sponsor proceeded to, we sat down with my four step and he proceeded to assume the role as a a prosecuting attorney of, of each of each and every individual that I had written down. And he, he needed to do that with me

and, and let me tell you, after doing that for

a few hours, after doing that for a few hours

and, and, and

it was important for me to get to the truth because my mind only told me lies. It only pointed out to me what you had done to me. And I had good reason to be resentful and be angry. And, and so after doing that for a certain period of time,

I was able to to get to the truth a lot easier. And, and, and I have to say

that

at about two years sober,

about two years sober, I had made virtually no amends.

I had made virtually no amends. And I was fortunate enough to get an amend sponsor. And my sponsor is, is, is very clear. And, and a lot of people say that there is a miracle that happens in the 12 steps. And, and I've heard lots of people say they don't know exactly where it is just to work all 12 of them. And it's guaranteed to happen with my, my sponsor will tell you that

his experience is it's as a result of, of making amends

and, and I was fortunate enough to be a real big thief

when I was drinking. And I'm very sarcastic when I say fortunate enough. And let me tell you that by the time I made it to the amends and, and

I believe that my sponsors experience became mine. And it's important that you all know this, that I had a great experience in, in doing my 4th step. I had a powerful experience in, in the 5th step. And I, I got everything that I was supposed to get from, from it. And I, I went,

I went and when I start hearing noises, I just better stop moving, don't touch anything and stop moving.

And, and, and I had great experiences. I, I took him my hour after I was done and, and, and looked over what I was supposed to look over and, and ask myself the questions like I'm supposed to. And, and let me tell you that the most powerful experience I've ever had in my entire life was was as a result of making amends and paying back folks money.

I'll tell you a quick story and I'll make it quick. When I was

16 years old, I worked at Sonic Drive through. I was a cook and

one night I was cleaning. The manager was kind enough to to help us clean and and I I found myself over by the cash drawer and I looked down and seen a little brown envelope that had a dollar sign and $1000 that I would have sworn he left for me. And so I kindly bent over and picked it up and and went found some trash. Found the trash and I threw it in some trash. Made it look like trash. Said I'm taking this out to the trash.

Took the trash out, came back in and proceeded to help him look for it, the envelope for about two hours, for about two hours. And finally I said, look man, I've helped you look forward. If you won't strip me down, I don't have the money, I'm leaving. He said, no, I don't want you to strip. Just go. Say just go and I'll tell you how cocky I was. I'll tell you how bad I was at that age.

I went back and got the envelope, the money and and by the time I'm about 3

stores down I'm crossing Mendenhall in Winchester. I'm counting the money and it's $850. I want to go back and tell them they shorted me 150.

Because it had 1000 written on it

so

so our old Sonic drive through $850 and let me tell you thank you that by the time I was on this step I wished that I was doing my 4th step again. I do and, and, and that experience, plus

a Piggly Wiggly that I used to shoplift from on a regular on a regular basis. I knew a single mother who had about seven kids and I would steal her food and sell it to her at good price.

And I did that for a period of about three or four months. And, and my sponsor had me to round up and I rounded up to $500. And so in addressing these two amends, I withdrew 2 checks, one for 850 and one for $500. And I called them early that morning and, and with the Sonic

drive through, I, I said, Sir, you don't know me, but I worked with your company. I called the corporate office,

said you don't know me, but I worked for you, for your company at about 16 years old and I have some money that belongs to you. And he got freaked out on me. He's like, no, no, no, no, you don't. I don't think that you do. And I said, hold on, Sir, slow down. I said, the question is not if I have your some money that belongs to you, the question is, will you see me and let me give it back to you. And he said, OK, come by at 1:00. And, and I did the same with Piggly Wiggly

and set up a time for 1:30

and, and I went out, I went to the corporate offices of Sonic and I, I sat behind this guy's desk man. And I told him that, that I'm a member

of a 12 step program and it's real. It's vital for me to do this in order for me to continue to live the way I've been living. And, and I slid in $850 check across his desk and said, is there anything else I can do except for give you your money back man to, to make it right between US. And he said, wow. He said, wow, son, I don't know

what it is that you're doing, but keep on doing it. And I went, I went to the to the Piggly Wiggly

corporate offices and I sat behind the guys desk, my aunt and I slid him a $500 check. And I said, is there anything else I can do besides this besides pay you back what I owe you to make it right between us? I'm willing to do it. And, and, and he said the same thing. Wow. Except he said, and he said thank you for giving me something to talk about with my friends for a couple of weeks.

He said no, but just keep doing what you're doing, son. And and and and that what's more important

then that is

at about two years sober.

I don't know how to describe other than to say

I had a lot of questions

revolving around a lot of things that has to do with, with Alcoholics Anonymous and me and, and the path that, that I found myself on. And, and let me tell you that when I got back home, when I got back home, man, I, I went to my bedroom, man. And, and I, I wanted to be grateful

to some. I wanted to be grateful and to express that gratitude to

to who I think is is responsible for placing me around you people

who

gave me access to the sponsor that I have. I wanted to express that to to this person and and I did.

I did. And, and I said thank you a bunch of times and, and, and I said that

that I don't know how

I was able to muster the willingness to do that.

I said I'm glad that I didn't spend too much time thinking about it or I might have changed my mind.

And, and, and, and I'll tell you that that when I stood up,

I didn't see anything.

I didn't feel much out outside of an extreme gratitude. And but I, I'll tell you what, when I stood up, man, I was,

the picture was a lot more clear.

It was as clear as it's ever been. And, and, and I knew for certain that I wasn't where I was. And I didn't just do that for no reason

because I questioned it.

I knew that I did that on purpose. I knew that the steps that I had taken prior to that I did on purpose and I did it for a reason and that reason

would not anything that I do would not be in vain and I needed to know that. I think that has a lot to do with control and and trying to look towards the end of the picture to look toward the end further on down.

But it was important for me at that moment to see that

I didn't do it for nothing. And, and I'll tell you what,

the God that I found in Alcoholics Anonymous got a little bit bigger that day

and, and, and I needed that at that time. I needed that at that time.

And, and, and, and, and there's no way that I can talk enough about the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I believe

the path that let us us members have been given this to 12 steps of Alcoholics. And I heard it and I reacted. I reacted quickly, didn't I?

There's no way that I can sit here and talk enough about the 12 steps of alcoholic synonymous and, and, and I'm not going to,

I'm not going to attempt to. And I believe in,

I believe that when I came to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, my, my problem was not alcohol. I, I, I believe that

my main

problem was a separation, was a separation from, from God and people and, and, and I think that there's two sides to every coin. And if that be a big problem for me, then I, I think the solution is a constant unity to God and the people

and, and, and I've, I've done a lot, I've taken a lot of actions in this program out of fear. I won't lie, I have. And you know what? I've I've probably

done a lot of work

out of fear

and and I'll tell you, I don't

say this boastingly. I say it because I think that it's in it's important that I notice and I realize my my growing spiritually. But a day came.

No, that's the microphone. That's the microphone, not a phone. That's me meddling with stuff up here, Touching. I have to touch on it.

You know what the, the, and I love, you know what? I, I, I heard my friend, my new friend Paul back here, I was in a meeting with him last night, man, he pointed out and, and I love the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I love the 12:00 and 12:00. I love our literature that we've been given. And, and, and he mentioned something about the warnings that that that's in the books, warnings that are written and, and I've just now sort of picked them up and I'm noticing the warnings

the people who wrote the book gave us. And, and,

and, and it does one of my favorite readings out of the 12:00 and 12:00. It's a huge warning for me and, and

it says it I believe its own page 174 and it says unless each a a member follows to the best of his or his or her ability. I was suggested 12 steps to recovery and here comes the warning. It says he almost certainly signs his own death warrant. And it says his drunkenness and disillusion are not penalties inflicted by people in authority. They result to his personal disobedience to spiritual principles.

And when I read that, when I read that, I wrote down in my journal, John, you better learn to adhere the spiritual principles.

I did. I understood the warning. I heard it man.

And and and and and a little bit further on down and, and it it gets even better.

It says. So we of a A do obey spiritual principles. At first bless you, at first

bless you, young man.

It says, so we of a a do obey spiritual principles at first because we must and ultimately because we love the kind of life that such obedience brings. And it says great suffering and great love. I as disciplinarians, we need no of us. And, and the reason I mention that is because there was a time in my sobriety and my recovery when I noticed that I wasn't taking actions based on fear anymore.

I was taking them out of love

and, and I don't know exactly what love for what I know

it's, it's, it's strange for me to have so much compassion and, and care and concern for other people.

And, and I would be lying if I said that I've never worked with an alcoholic because I know that in order to, to keep it, I must give it away. I believe when you people say that. So I've taken that action

in fear of this happening to me.

And I can't say exactly the day when it happened,

but I was no longer afraid. And, and I am not. And it's important that you know this beer, alcohol, liquor does not frighten me in any way, shape or form today. I frighten me. A lot of times I scare me,

but I don't take actions because I'm scared. I'm not even scared of the consequences

that that liquor causes me.

And I mean that when I say it. I mean it when I say it that

the consequences would be exactly the same. The program of alcoholic synonymous saved me from an alcoholic death and thus Alcoholics are not real good at dying immediately.

We have a high threshold for pain and can can take lots of pain. And let me tell you that I lived on the streets of Memphis, TN long enough to where I could still be living on them now. I learned how to stay warm and not freeze in the winter time

and how to live outside and not burn up in the summertime. And I could steal. I would still be living and dying that alcoholic death.

And that does not scare me one bit today. Not one bit. And, and and that's beautiful for me. That's beautiful for me. Something had just come. You know what?

It came to me, my hand. That, that

you know what, the past couple of days, the past couple of days, I've never, I've never taken down

notes or anything for me to read off of when I speak. But for the past few days, I've just been writing down words on, on Alex's and Sarah's invitation that they sent me out of it. I go to meetings, just words

and and and you know what I love?

In the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it describes a great description of an alcoholic and I love it. It says that when an alcoholic takes any alcohol whatsoever into his system,

something happens.

Is what it says,

is what it says. Something happens.

Boy is that powerful man,

huh? Take it and run with it.

Well, let me tell you,

there's two sides to every coin.

And let me tell you that when a person takes the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, so does something happen? So does something happen when a When a person accepts what this program has to offer wholeheartedly,

something happens.

Something happens. And I'm I'm more grateful for it than I am for anything on this earth.

Let me tell you that

with the acceptance

of, of, of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I'll tell you what a big piece for me was, is I, when I came into AA, I was 24 years old and, and I had a three-year old girl, a beautiful daughter, the most beautiful girl that's ever walked the earth. And, and, and, and

I had seen her maybe once when I come into a, a, A.

And it hit me one day

that all the love you have in your heart for your little girl, John, is not enough to keep you sober. And, and let me tell you, I have an amazing mom who would kill or die for me. And I love her more than anything on earth, man. But let me tell you,

I accepted one day that all the love that I have in my heart for my Mama is insufficient to keep me separated from alcohol within by itself.

And you take both of those loves and put them together, you'd have a whole lot of love.

And that is still not good enough to keep me separated from alcohol.

And I'll tell your mind when you get through. And nobody said that to me. It it hit me. But you get a sucker to accept that fact. And, and, and, and I promise you, you won't have to tell them twice. I'll tell you that, plus a couple of other things. You won't have to tell that person twice to do anything.

He'll be willing to take some suggestions, man, he will. And, and let me tell you, I can't go over and say everything that, that that has happened to me in sobriety. I, I, I really wish that I could. I really wish that I could,

and it's important that I say it hasn't taken not one thing spectacular.

I'm not capable of spectacular feats. I'm not a very bright individual. If you ask me. I'm not the brightest crayon in, in any box.

I'm, I'm, and, and if you ask me, I'm, I'm kind of slow man.

But I'll tell you, I, I, I was real willing to do what somebody I knew

was no longer suffering like, like I believed he told me he had. I was willing to take the same actions that he had taken to get free, to get free man,

to get free and, and, and that's what I wanted. And let me tell you that it has been worth and, and, and, and I would.

I've made a lot more remains than just those two I spoke of. I've paid a lot more money back than I have time to sit here and tell you guys. And let me tell you, I have not missed one. I hadn't had to miss one meal. I hadn't woke up one morning without having coffee in a Marlboro and and Bob Dylan to listen to when I wake up in the morning

and, and, and. No, that's OK. That's OK. Thank you.

Is that because y'all are Bob Dylan fans? No, okay,

but let me tell you that that it

everything, everything that I have done

in order to get in, stay sober. To say that it has been well worth it is not saying enough

is not saying enough.

I think that a gift, a gift that I'm given on a one day at a time basis, man is, is, is I wake up in the morning, man. And, and sometimes

I'm reminded that

that I have been this close to surrendering to a life in which I could fit my supper in two pockets. And if you eat out of a soup line or a soup kitchen, you can fit your entire supper into pockets. People ain't supposed to fit their supper in your pockets. That's that's not right, Ryan. Your life is taking a wrong turn