The 10th Annual AZ Area Corrections Conference in Tucson, AZ

Hello, my name is Barton. I'm recovered alcoholic.

Funny it seems like I move a lot. Each time I've been speaking lately it would say I'm from New York, NY or Queens NY and I think tonight it said Garden City, NY. But I'm proudly lately from Sedona, AZ and hope staying in Arizona and seeing the passion that is here for a A and carrying the message into the prisons is another good reason to stay in Arizona

because there are so many Alcoholics.

Naa or in prison, I should say,

for reason of the results of alcoholism.

I know for myself, I don't think that I was necessarily. I know I wasn't a bad person or a criminal or I was an alcoholic, and the results of my alcoholism drove me to do lots of things that I wouldn't have done.

So I'm really grateful for the passion of carrying the message into the prisons. And I got to watch people in prison

recover from alcoholism and carry the message. And that's, that's an absolute miracle.

My sova date is, is June 12th, 1995. And I

Home group currently is the jaywalkers group in Sedona and it's a new Group 3 weeks. And the purpose of the group, Tara and I decided Atara, as they say in here in Arizona,

is to bring the big book alive to a A and study it together. We need to continue to to learn what's in that book. And we we found a good group of people that are getting involved in it. And we really hope that as the group grows, we can start to,

you know, get people to volunteer for their own recovery as well as to carry the message into the prisons. It's so important. So a little bit about myself. You know, I don't know how it is in Arizona, but I know in New York, it's a little controversial to say you were recovered alcoholic. And I do that for for two reasons and three possible tonight.

One is to give hope to the alcoholic who still suffers. To be in recovery from anything is pretty painful.

I recovered from leg surgery, from back surgery, from alcoholism, all of those things. The process of recovery is painful, and you don't have to be in pain forever. You can recover. The second reason is not only to bring it to you, but to remind myself,

as I came into AA for the first time in 1987 and I didn't recover until 1995, and how it works. It says that those who do not recover, of people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. And from 87 to 95, I wouldn't give myself to this program, so I couldn't recover. In 95, I was desperate enough. I met somebody kind and loving enough to explain what alcoholism really is,

to hit my bottom and be willing to do the simple thing, which is go to any land, which is those 12 steps, traditions and concepts to recover from alcoholism. And I did. And what a miracle. And the third reason tonight is just to let people know that are an alcoholic that we do get better

and you can trust what we do here in AA. Miracles happen here. People who did horrible things as a result of alcoholism can recover from alcoholism and become amazing citizens. I see it all the time. So now I'll tell you a little about myself. My, my personality is to be extremely, extremely shy. One of the miracles of God in these steps is that I can sit up here and share with you

87 to 95, hanging around the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had friends that were given offered me $20 on a regular basis, but I'll give you 20 bucks. Just raise your hand and say your name. Couldn't do it? Not a chance. Today, with God in my life, you can't shut me up. There's people in New York that'll pay 100 bucks to shut me up, but that's not going to happen either.

I grew up in a in Queens, NY. Some apartment buildings

and I look out the window and I see the older guys drinking on the corner, passing the bottle and and having a whole lot of fun. And I was probably about 10 years old when I started watching them. I couldn't wait to be just like them and hang out with them. By the time I was in fifth grade,

I was a little punk, hanging out with them, passing the bottle around, being a complete fool and doing stupid things,

and I felt like I had arrived. I don't know why. Those were my heroes, but those were my heroes. A little odd thinking, I guess, but what could I tell you? I guess there's a lot of people here that could probably relate to it. 5th grade, the teachers would say when we go out to the to the schoolyard for lunch, do not go on that side of the yard.

That's where the bad people are. Stay on this side of the yard. And of course I would sneak over to that side of the yard and hang out with those people. And a lot of those times I would get a little buzzed and I wouldn't go back into school. So I started getting in trouble already in fifth grade from drinking and

my parents were moving to another neighborhood and the end of school came and I wasn't getting promoted because of what I was doing in school. And, and my parents went up to the school and they begged

and they said, you know, we're moving and he's going to start a new life. And they agreed to give me another shot and promote me. And I spent when we moved, it was just to the other side, you know, not far away. It was close enough that every day through the summer, I could ride my bicycle to the old neighborhood and continue to hang out and drink. And and also so I met no new friends in the new neighborhood because I was going every day the old neighborhood to drink

and hang out there. First day of school came and I was scared

to death, some shy and I didn't go into a new school meeting. Nobody, nobody that I know having trying to meet new friends. My parents had a little closet at the front door and it had liquor in it. And I went into the closet and I took a few swings of some of the liquor in there

and I felt a little calmness. And I went to school for the first day and I got through it. Being that it worked the first day, it worked the second day too, and then it worked the third day. And I just continued to do it. And I started to meet some people that like to party and I started to get into a lot of trouble in that school because of my drinking. And there was a woman who came from a place called Project 25. And once a week I had to go see this woman and talk about

the trouble that I get into school and my drinking. And the first, the second threat in my life came and that was that if you continue to get in trouble in this school, you get caught with liquor on your breath. If you get caught with liquor in your locker, if we find you behind the handball courts instead of in class, you're going to be a full time student in Project 25 and taken out of this school.

Well,

didn't want to get thrown out of the school. I finally found friends, but I didn't want to quit drinking either because I liked it. It made me feel good,

so I got caught one more time. I got into a suspension hearing.

My mom came through the suspension hearing. I was buzzed because I was scared to death, so I made sure I got pretty buzzed.

The Mr. Ludvac the the assistant principal told me to get off my ass and listen to him

and I didn't like being talked to like that so I stood up, put my hands around his throat and I got thrown out and put into project 25 as a full time student.

2nd consequence of drinking.

Well, in Project 25, all that really happened there was my parents learned to stop putting up with my shenanigans, but they didn't have to live with with me as an animal and as what I was things I was doing.

And so the next time I got into trouble and I got arrested because I was getting arrested once in a while for the things I was doing, my mom said lock them up, he's an animal, take him and off the spot food I went. And so now I started to become a real part of the court system

every time I got into trouble. And I was at a Project 25 already. And now I'm going to court cases. I'm living in shelters in Brooklyn. I'm sneaking out the window of the shelters

and I'm going and drinking Night Train with the bums and sneaking back in. They're trying to put me on clothes restrictions and I'm running out because you're not putting me with these people in, you know, pajamas or whatever.

And I would show up for court and I started becoming a real part of the system, you know, six week places, three month places, nine month places. The last place I went was for 18 months upstate New York. And while I was upstate New York. Now, another thing that's real important to mention is, you know,

our big book talks about frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. And I love my parents to death. I mean, at the time, you know, they, they were great parents when I was first starting to drink. And I had a sister who died young. And I could still envision my mom standing at the front door 120 lbs soaking wet, begging me, please don't leave this house. I don't want to lose another child. And I would physically pick her up and throw her away from the door and go out and disappear for days. And then

she would either get the phone call from the precinct or I'd come home a bloody mess or, or just, or somebody would call and say, we found Bart here laid out in the street. Come and get them. You know, those are the things that I put it through begging, please. I don't want to lose another child. All for my desire, my obsession to drink. So anyway, so I was at this place upstate for 18 months. And while I was at this place, I started to think about

what's going on, how many birthdays and how many holidays I've missing

being locked up and not with my family. And all the rest of the family is getting together and, you know, or friends or all celebrating birthdays. And I'm in these places. So I made a decision to pack with myself that when I get out of Hawthorne, I'm not going to drink the way I used to and I'm not going to get in any more trouble and I'm going to do the right thing. So I came home after the 18 months, went to high school for the first day

of school,

was called into the Dean's office. Dean took out some pieces of paper, my records, I guess, took a look at them. And he said, what? We don't want your trouble here. We're going to be watching you. And if you get into any trouble here, you're out of this school. Well, I still had a pretty bad chip on my shoulder. So I got up and I walked out. I went home and I said to my mom, you know, they're not giving me half a chance in this school. You know, they're going to be watching me like a hawk, and

I've been locked up for so many years and these institutions, I'm really not going to do well in school anyway.

Can you or can I call my dad and ask him to let me come work for him? He was a fairly successful businessman.

And my parents had split up. And she said, see what your father says, call him. So I called my dad and they said, you know, sign me out of school, I'll come work for you. And he said, I'll talk to my partners, you know, I'll talk to your mom, see what she says. If she says it's alright, I'll talk to my partners. And everybody got together and decided

that I can drop out of school and come work to him.

Well, first day of work came. It was a cold New York October morning, and I woke up feeling like I had arrived. I am going to change my entire life. I'm going to make everybody proud of me. I'm going to be a working man, you know? And I stood at the bus stop feeling on top of the world, excited about the first day of work. Wasn't really that nervous. My father owned the business. He wasn't a store that he owned, you know, that he worked at. But you know,

I felt pretty confident I could do this.

And a friend of mine came over and gave me a little birthday present. It was the week of my birthday, gave me a little bottle of Jack Daniels and I put it in my coat and I said this weekend I'm going to celebrate my birthday. And then I'm a working man and the bus wasn't coming that quick and I started getting cold. So I took a little sip. Warm the bones. Now I started getting a little nervous on the bus. Once I was on the bus, I started to get a little nervous about the first day of work. And I know exactly what we call my nerves. So I finished off that little bottle of Jack Daniels,

walked into work for the first day, and I made a complete fool of myself. I love my father and that was not my intention. I had all intentions of doing the right thing and not drinking and I couldn't pull it off. And I didn't know it back then, but that was. And sometimes they talk about passing that invisible line. I don't know if it's an invisible line or not, but I do know that I didn't have the choice whether to drink or not that day. I couldn't reason my way through it because that was the best reason

in the world to not drink, and I did.

Things started to get pretty bad for the rest for a long time after that. From then all the way to 1987, going back and forth, working for him, constantly letting my family down, constantly letting my family down for my drinking, picking myself up, promising it's going to be different this time,

checking myself into treatment centers. Couldn't pull it off

1987 I was living in Queens Village, NY.

There was a house that some brothers owned and nothing good went on at his house. We all own motorcycles. None of them ever left the garage

and there wasn't a there wasn't a person that lived in the neighborhood that would not cross the street before they came by this house.

One of the brothers that owned the house was showing up in the morning, going into the garage with some new friends

and getting on his bike and taking off. And one morning I went over to him and I said, Warren, what's going on? Where you where you been going? No, I just have to get my life together. You guys do what you want, but I've been going to a A and I laughed at him and I said, that's nice. And I went about my drinking with everybody else, but everyone's. I really liked Warren. He's a great guy. We were really good friends. Every once in a while, in the mornings

we'd show up for the evenings we'd show up. Jenny chance I had, I'd still talk to Warren.

And he kept planting the seed and I didn't know it. One morning I woke up feeling horrible, feeling that guilt, remorse and shame. And I called Warren. I said, you know what? I think I'd like to go to one of those meetings with you tonight. And he said, I'm not going to a meeting tonight. But I'll tell you what, there's a meeting at this high school in Jackson Heights. Why don't you go over to it? People accept you there. They'll know you're new. They'll make you feel comfortable.

If you really want to get sober, go to that meeting.

All right, so I struggle through the day.

Got to the meeting early,

paced around the school trying to figure out how to get into this meeting. Guy comes over to me and he says are you looking for the a, a meeting? And I said yes. He said come with me, I'm setting it up. So I walked into the school with him, just followed behind him like a little puppy lost. He went into this classroom and he starts putting these shades up and putting fixing chairs up

and putting pamphlets out. And I'm just watching them and he's real busy. And he walks over to me and he hands me this little blue card and he says, what would you like to read this? And I said sure. So I sat there as the room was filling up. Now I can't look anybody in the eye, so I had something to focus on. And I just kept sitting there and reading this blue card over and over and pretending that I was reading this blue card over and over. And he started the meeting and he said

to read the a a preamble we have bought. And my heart jumped out of my toes. I was I didn't know he meant read it out loud. I just thought he gave me something to read.

So I sat there for what probably felt like 5 hours, but I guarantee it was under 5 minutes figuring out how I'm sneaking out of this meeting and going to drink myself to death. Because if that's what you have to do in a A is speak out loud, it ain't for me. So I walked out of the meeting and I got totally lost in the school and figured I was going to jail this tonight for trespassing and just all kinds of delusions are going through my head. I found my way back to the classroom where the meeting was

when I leaned out on outside the meeting on the wall. And I figured that when the meetings over, I'll just follow everybody and go home and drink myself to death. And

you guys surrounded me when the meeting was over, I had 1000 reasons why I couldn't go back to the diner with you. But you wouldn't accept one. I don't know what they do here, but in New York it's really popular. And that's why it's not actually gained most of the weight here in Arizona doing nothing but but, but early A, a, I gained a lot of weight too, because that's what they did. They went to meetings and went to diner, went to the diner before the meeting, went to the meeting, went to the diner. So and I don't drink coffee, so I had to have ice cream or something, you know,

and you know, probably one of the few in AA that doesn't drink coffee, but I never drank it to sober up. Why was I going to start when I got here? So it's just one habit I never picked up.

I hung around the meetings. I listened.

I wouldn't do anything. I had a really bad attitude. People would suggest come early and make coffee. I don't drink coffee, so why am I going to make it? Well, you know, I could smoke in the meetings back then. Well, what about cleaning up ashtrays now? I flicked mine in the street. Wasn't everybody else just do that, you know, I mean that. That was my thinking, you know, so I wasn't getting much better. And every once in a while I would sneak something and still say I'm sober. The meetings would start getting less and less.

I joined the sober motorcycle club. They had to put the bot clause in it because, you know, you had to be active in AA. And I would say, well, it's a program of suggestions. I'm active. I show up for your anniversary, that's active. This was my thinking and I couldn't get better.

1994 so late 94 I went out on a mad tech. I just, you know, pacing the floor.

I had tried, you know, it's, I guess it's important, you know, it says other methods that it failed

my whole life, I'd say from 19, I guess 1977 was my first attempt of getting sober. And that was when I left that place for 18 months. That was my first thought of, well, I don't want to be sober, but I don't want to drink the way I'm drinking.

You know, prior to that, I just didn't want to drink. I mean, I just wanted to drink by 77. I wanted to control my drinking.

By 1987, it no longer was just a thought in my head, but it really in my heart. I showed up to a A because I had enough and I knew it in my heart that I really can't live like this anymore. But that wasn't enough, Eva.

I married a woman who was a detox nurse. That didn't work.

I, I tried a lot of insane things. You know, I met a woman, I got married. I had a kid. I saw the kid would never see me, you know, active. And that didn't work

left them went out and drank tried lots of things to get sober. None of them work so late 94 or so I went out on a mad tear. I was in a neighborhood one night that nothing good happens in went into a bodega that you know nothing goes good. Nothing happens good in this bodega. And

I started fighting with the with the guys that were in the bodega.

And I'm lucky that they didn't cut me up and just throw me in the dumpster because these were people that you really did not want to start a fight with. And somehow in this rage of arguing with them, I ended up back in a meeting with you guys. And it was a meeting I had never been at before and

I don't remember what happened that night. But I do know for some reason, I continue to go back to that meeting. And I met a lot of good people at that meeting,

a lot of young people who were really, really enjoying life, going out to clubs, listening to bands. And from 87 to 95, my attempts of sobriety. I couldn't do those things with anybody. I'd go to a club to listen. I love music and I go to a club and I feel uncomfortable. We got to get out of here. You know, I want to drink. So I'm going to these clubs with these young guys and girls and they just haven't. They're getting into mosh pit and doing all this crazy dancing and having fun and you know, girls little mini skirts

over and offering drinks that I'd never seen before and like, how are they doing this?

So of course I figured they're just not as alcoholic as I am. You know, they're not really alcoholic. That's how they're doing it. So this went on for a little while and one of them was celebrating their one year anniversary one night and I was sitting next to him and he had his sponsor speaking for him and his sponsor was absolutely hysterical, rolling around on the floor and just just full of theatrics on his first step experience. And he had me laugh and hysterically,

and then he stood up and he started talking serious about recovery, about being recovered, about being happy, joyous and free, about going, going where anybody else can go without harm and just talking all this great stuff about being sober and loving life. And the more he

had passion about loving life sober, the red on my face was getting in, the angrier I was getting. And I turned around to my friend. I said, Audie, that's your sponsor up there, right, speaking for you. And he said, yeah. And I said, I think tonight you should find a new one. And he said, why? And I said because I'm going to kill him.

And I meant it. He had no right to lie, to say that you can be so happy and not drink. And Audie looked at me with this big grin and he said, but I am sure he would love to talk to you.

So the next day I went to where he worked and he had owned a store that sold like spiritual books and a a coins. And so you could just go there and talk to him. So that's what I did. He saw me pull up in my car.

He was standing out in front of the store and he saw me coming and he went in the store and he went behind the showcase because he heard I was coming to kill him.

And he sat behind the case for probably about two hours talking about all the war stories, doing 12 step call. That's where the war stories are important. He started describing what he was like, what his drinking was like, and I was listening and I was kicking some of my stories with him. And he started to describe

the hopelessness of alcoholism a little bit more and really getting into a little bit more detail about it. And I was listening and I wasn't feeling too good.

And about after about two hours, I said, well, what do I got to do

to to be the way you would describe in last night? And he said, man, am I glad you finally asked. He was getting tired of telling all these stories, I guess. And

he said all you got to do is read the 1st 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Live. It is a way of life and you could have it too.

And I got really depressed. I got really sassy. You know what? I've never read a book in my life. 5th grade is really the last of my real education. Well, thanks anyway. And he wasn't scared anymore. He grabbed me by the shoulder and he said, I'll tell you what, I hope you read that book. I'll help you put that into your life. And that's what we did,

showed up every day and we went through what alcoholism was. Doctor's opinion,

don't pick up the first drink, you won't get drunk. I heard that all the time. I never asked what does that mean? I just throw you a bunch of wise guys that you can't go right to the second. And I never was listening, never really paid any attention. Made sense. And I actually felt really good. I thought, wow, that's all there is to it. You know, I got a physical allergy. I know I got a physical allergy. Don't pick up, I won't get drunk. We continue to read and we started to get into those chapters like

more about alcoholism.

There is a solution. Started talking about this alcoholic mind, unable at certain times to with sufficient force, play back those tapes, you know, Lost the power of choice, unable to reason.

Started. He had me think about times that I tried to do that without knowing it. And I knew that was me. I knew I had that alcoholic mind and I was in trouble. And I started to cry for the first time in front of another man. I hit my bottom learning what alcoholism is

and accepting it. I admitted to my innermost self in my gut. I felt sick, scared to death that I was going to die and alcoholic because I knew, Yep, that's me. I don't have a choice. I have lost the power of choice. Scared to death, didn't believe in a God. God was never mentioned in my house. We started to read that we agnostics and learning that that spiritual part and I'm really cooked.

I'm interested you know and that chapter can started to really convince me that maybe there is something I believe that he believed.

I believe that the guy Artie that he showed believed. So I started with God as I understand them and that is I don't that was my third step, but I did make that most important decision that any human being I believe can make return my will and my life, my thoughts and my actions over to the care of God as I don't understand. And if it does work, you bet. If it works, if I know I am what this says, and if this were, if this

higher power works, I will anybody, I will let anybody know.

I will let this power work through me and show anybody. But I don't believe it's gonna work. But I'll make this decision that if it does, I'll do that. And that was my third step experience. He handed me a pen and he showed me how to write some inventory and I wrote this inventory out. He sent me home to write some more. I went back and I shared this inventory with him and I experienced that and damn right I was. The 6th step talks about if you're not willing, then we ask God for the willingness. I know today that that's a trap because as soon as you ask for the willingness, you're already willing.

He wouldn't be asking for the willingness, but I was willing because I was still desperate enough. It says, and how it works. We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. And I know exactly why. Because if I was not desperate, I wouldn't have done those things and my ego definitely would have built itself back up like it did from 87 constantly. And I wouldn't have done it. But I was still desperate enough.

So I shared this with him and I, I just said, God have all of me good and bad,

do with me as you want, whatever it is made that list and went out everywhere back to I mean school teachers. Why? Wherever it needed to be done, I made amends and I got free in that eighth step because, you know, those nine step promises really came true for me in the eighth step. I was free as soon as I knew that I could look the world in the eye because I am willing to make amends with the world, you know, whatever it takes to not drink.

My 9th step experience was that I got to watch lots of people in my life get free. They really knew that this time I was serious. They really knew that they didn't have to worry anymore. I really came to them and it's a sincere way that I never had before. There was a lot of people, my first wife, you know, the detox nurse, very clear, just stay out of my life. And there was a few others like that, but that's OK, I understand. I mean, if that's what it takes

for them to feel safe, I totally understand.

A son on the other hand, I used to see around town and restaurants and stuff and you know, she was 10 years old and me, he was 10 years younger than me and we were and I was abusive stepfather when I would come home drunk and

we had a pretty good relationship. When I see him, it was not like I called him up and say you know what's going on, you know, want to hang out, but but he had respect for me and that was one of the big ones.

My mom died. So I always say make them as quick as possible because my mom was on the list. But it wasn't one of the first ones I got to because she had moved to Florida and I was on vacation and I was going to leave the Bahamas and go to Florida, make the amends and why I was in the Bahamas. She passed on. So I didn't get to make that amends, but I did get to make the amends to my father

and make it to my mom through my father.

I believe in going to the people that are closest. That's what works for me, that you can speak to them, to the people that were closest. The letters didn't cut it for me. No, whatever works. That's just how I did it. There was one amends that I thought I would never get over, and I mean resentment that I thought I would get over, and that was one. While I was on this path, my mom died. She was married to a horrible man,

very not physically but mentally abusive.

And because he was never physically abusive, I never really got into much confrontation with him. We just begged my mother to leave him. But so we didn't have a good rapport. When I got to their house the day my mom died and I got to Florida, he handed me a bag. He said this is what was your sisters that your mother had, that's what's yours now get out of here. And I didn't handle that very well.

Kicked my way into the house, broke a lot of things.

My father was screaming from across the parking lot because he wasn't going to come near me. Please, Bart, don't kill him. I got on my hands and knees and begged God not to let me kill this man. And that's why he's still alive today. You know, I caused harm, but God saved him and me.

But I knew when I got back to New York and worked with my sponsor and, and got quiet and talked with God that that I didn't need to make an amends to that man. Because even though he said those things to me,

I had no business putting my hands on him or breaking anything that belonged to him. And I got free. And I don't know if he got free or not, but I once in a while I think of him and I pray for him because the man to do those actions them like myself was sick too. So the immense process was amazing. Practicing 1011 and 12,

it's just been an ongoing journey, you know, pausing when agitated, doubtful, asking God for the right forward direction. And when I'm doing that in a ten step during the day,

I really don't fight with people, you know, and I, I was a fighter. I had it not only a temper, but you know, I always had to be right or my thinking was really off. When I'm practicing the 10 step, I get along with the world pretty pretty well.

Planning my day, reviewing my day. I was a little less than three months sober. And

my sponsor came back to the meeting that I heard him speak at. And it was the first time he came back to that meeting. And he sat next to me

and it was a beginners meeting on Friday night. And there was a rehab that used to come into this meeting every Friday night. They take the van, they come to this meeting and the speaker spoke for his 1520 minutes and they opened it up to anybody new. And there was a guy that was about, I don't know, well over six feet tall, all shaved head, no teeth, completely tattooed. And all he had to say was, I hate all his, I want to kill all his. I'm no fool

said it was jail or this rehab and that's why I'm here. But I don't want to be here and just really raging. My sponsor looked at me and he said after the meeting, I want you to go over to that guy and win his confidence. And I looked at him like, what are you nuts? And it wasn't because of what he looked like and it wasn't because he was angry. I was less than three months sober. What do I got to offer?

And my sponsor opened up to a vision for you. He always just went back to that book

and he said you're one man with his book in your hand and you just tapped into a power graving yourself.

You know what 1st 11 steps were all working in my life and I wasn't thinking of drinking. And he had told me that nothing was going to ensure sobriety as much as intensive work with another alcoholic. And that meant now, because I wouldn't see three months over probably had I not started working with others. And he hadn't lied to me yet and that book hadn't lied to me. So I ran over to that guy before he got on the van, in the van,

and I said, hey,

how would you like a visitor

on Sundays? I knew the rehab and it wasn't far from where I lived. How would you like a visitor on Sundays? He had the typical answer. Will you bring me a sandwich? You got it? So every Sunday I went and brought him a sandwich and a big book. And I say, we're going to sit here and do this and you can eat a hero. And that's what we did. You know, he ate a sandwich and we went through the book and I watched this guy get out of the rehab. He had

a girlfriend that was living in Philadelphia or somewhere and she was running the street

and they had a kid in foster care. And I watched him go back and forth from New York to there and get

a visitation. But you know, when somebody watches them and, you know,

eventually he got that kid out of foster care and brought him back to New York and was a single sober dad. And I knew that this is what a A is all about, That from 87 to 95, I couldn't stay sober. And a A was really boring

because I wasn't in a A, I was around a A. All those steps on the shade were written in past tense. We admitted, came to believe, well, I didn't do any of that. You people might have, but I didn't. So I wasn't part of the we. So a A was boring. I got to tell you 14 1/2 years a A has not been boring for me because I continue to do what that man showed me to do.

You know, I went into the prisons and you know, I, I started doing

big book workshop in New York. They had something called Nassau County Jail. They had something called the DART program

and if you had alcohol or drug history, no matter what crime it was, a lot of guys with girls would get into this program called the dot program. And I approached the director of the dot program and asked if the night that they have Bible study and library, if any of them would like to come to a big book study that I where I could take them actually through the steps, but it had to be voluntary.

And she agreed. And I did that for two years. And I watched a lot of the guys

recover from alcoholism. Some of them came home and some of them took their experience and got sentenced to upstate and would bring it and carry the message in jail, you know, So I know that this can work. My heroes are different today. You know my sponsor, the original guy who who took me through the steps, he was getting really sick.

He was on kidney dialysis three times a week. He had diabetes and his foot was getting amputated a little bit at a time. He was living in a

on a hospital bed in a friend's house in Long Island and his health wasn't really too good, but he was still carrying this message. Newcomers was still going to that house. People were sending it. Go to Eric where he's living and he'll show you how to live. He was still carrying this message. You know, we watched, you know, every single person in AAI believe can be Bill involved

because his

thing was his 10th anniversary.

Yeah, Eric had the ego that could fill all of Tucson. I mean, but but he used it to help others. You know, he was the guy that you walked into his store and he had no qualms if you were miserable and weren't working the steps. He looked right at you, didn't even have to know you. And he didn't care. He lose the sale for the coins or whatever, he'd go, you're going to die. Untreated alcoholism, you're going to die. You know, I got an answer. But if you don't want it, you're going to die. That's just the way he was. And it worked for him. You know, I can't carry the message like that. It's not my personality. He could carry

like that because it was his personality. But

we had a group anniversary, A1 year group anniversary for a group, and we asked him to come speak for this one year anniversary. And he showed up. And

what they did was when he got there, they said everybody that's been sponsored by Eric, can you please stand up? And a couple of us stood up and they said don't sit down. Everybody that's been sponsored by the people that just stood up, please stand up. Few more people stood up,

and they continue to do that until everybody in the room was standing except a couple of newcomers. And that happens around every one of us. AA, the fellowship you crave starts by every one of you. I mean, Tara and I moved to Sedona and, you know, we were used to sponsoring a tremendous amount of people in New York, you know, walking into meetings and, you know, seeing people we sponsor or people we work with. And it was intensive work.

Others. And that is what really keeps us connected with God and keeps us sober. And now we move into a town that we don't know anybody.

And what do we do? So we said, you know what? We had the jaywalkers meeting in Long Island. We'll start the jaywalkers meeting in Sedona. And we put Flyers out. And a few people that we were already working with were announcing it at meetings. Some of them a little, you know, we had to like, calm them down. Oh, new style meeting. And, you know, easy. There's no advertising. Just, you know,