The AAggieland convention in Bryan, TX

Thank you for reading how it works, Kevin. I get nervous when I don't hear that.

I thank Leanne for asking me to come down, but she's not here. She's out playing music.

Hey, what a trip, right?

About two hours ago, sitting down there and she walks up and says

this is Brandon, he's going to introduce you because the guy was going to introduce you. Got drunk last night.

So I'm not quite sure what to think. The guy was introduced me, gets drunk and then I get introduced by BS

and then the person who asked me downs out playing music. I'm not quite sure what's going on here. Yeah,

I've been in a Cheech and Chong movie for a lot of years. It's still going on, right?

This,

this podium is a interesting thing. I've spoke a few times and I don't know if any of you are like this, but I got this, this voice in me and I, and I'll get in high places, sometimes balconies, you know, where you can lean out and, and I lean out and the voice says jump.

I don't know why. And you're laughing because I know a lot of you have that same voice, but I, so I, if you see me at times being pulled somewhere, that voice is saying jump. I don't know what that's about. And quite often that voice does that kind of stuff when my life's going great too. But

I sovered up the morning of October 19th in 1982, and the power of God separated me from alcohol. And that power and I think a lot of other things along the way have kept me sober sense in God willing,

little period of time here, I'll have gone 27 years that I'll drink alcohol. I I was born, I went 16 years without a drink and I had a relapse.

I'm scared of relapses. Mine lasted 20 years

and I sobered up October of 82 and

here we are again. So it's my second period of sobriety. I

tell you the truth, I think I like the second one better. In the first one, I think I was 16 or so when I took a drink alcohol, and I should have took one. I was about 10, had stuff going on.

I'm a member of the Carry This Message group in Austin, TX. We're a fundamental Orthodox

group. We meet every Monday night, open with five minutes of meditation. Have a chairperson.

Someone brings a topic. You can only bring a topic out of the recovery portion of the big book. I told you we were fundamentalist. We can't help it.

You can bring up a topic and share your experience with either a sentence or a paragraph.

One of the things you'll find probably when I get through sharing with you this evening,

one of my defects that showed up in writing inventory, because I write a lot of inventory is I love to give you my opinion on experiences I never had.

You're laughing because you all do it too, right? And then and we made an agreement in our group conscious we were not going to allow that. So whenever the topic is introduced in my Home group, part of that introduction is please share your current experience. That old trap. You know when you when I came in, You know when I came in, when I came in. See, I can't live off the food I eat 2 weeks ago and I can't live off of what happened to me when I came in.

That's relevant only when I'm sitting across from a drunk,

a new drunk, and we've got to have some degree of identification. Otherwise it's just another trap to avoid being where? Here, with you, all of me, every fiber of my being. The only place I get to know God is I've come to know God.

Not identified with this mind in its incessant chatter either in the past, in the future. And, you know, I think one of the reasons that we live as long as we live is we only get about a year of an entire life being where we're actually at.

Yeah. You know how that is. You're going to go on a vacation, you plan and plan and plan a plan. And then you're in the plane and you're not even there yet. You're already thinking about the trip back. And you then you get down there and you're trying to enjoy it. By the third day, you're already packed one. And it's like, I don't know why we're that way, but we're that way. Spiritual living pulled me out of that, thrust me into the present moment, you know, with with myself

in that fashion.

We'll talk a little bit with you about where I'm at in terms of what I just call the circle and the triangle. I learned quite some time ago to do something I call locate myself. So it's my current experience with that circle in the triangle. I've talked to you about my Home group. I do three to five meetings a week, depending on how much whining and complaining I can stand.

And that should have gotten a bigger lap. Come on, now. Yeah. There we go. All right. That's more like it. Yeah,

I don't know. I still find it humorous to this day when a chairperson says, does somebody have a topic? Now think of who's sitting in the room. The the most selfish, self-centered group of human beings on the planet who've been obsessed about themselves all day. And we're going to ask them to Do you have a topic?

Yeah, they. They have a topic, Right. But

I love, I love being sober. I love, I love the program. It gave me a life.

I I work with the daily distance of 10/11. I do that seven days a week, 365 days a year. And my intent is to do it until I leave this body.

And I do that because if I believe my big book, and I do believe my big book, it says that I stand here sober before you because of one reason only. And it's not because I'm Norwegian

and it's not because I'm a nice guy and God loves me. And it says it that I stand before you sober because I'm in fit spiritual condition

and I have to assume the responsibility of that. Nobody will do it for me.

See, I learned a long time ago this program is a lot more than just about God, because it was just about God, the big book. But he one page long, it would say God gets you, keeps us over. Have a good day. As you all know, it says a whole bunch of things you and I have to do. You have to work those steps and write those inventories. Do fifth steps and 678 and then you get over into 1011. There's four or five pages there with lots of instructions,

what to do when you get up in the morning. Very, very clear instructions. And

I'm going to talk a little bit about what happened to me when I didn't follow him. I stayed sober

but I wound up in a psychiatric hospital between my 9th and 10th year and almost checked out behind suicide. I was having so much fun.

So I have experience not doing 1011 like I'm going to describe you, and now I have experience doing it. I haven't found necessary to revisit those places except to speak, but I get to leave.

It's a wonderful thing they

Monday through Friday, pretty much I get up the same time I I've been blessed with going to quite a few monasteries over the years in my sobriety and I begin to observe some things in those monasteries. They do everything at the same time.

So I would go to these monks or the head guy and say, talk to me about this. What is this all about? And they said, well, basically, most humans are slothful and lazy. So what? The people who have designed how monasteries have run have realized that. So they discovered if they just do everything at the same time, even on days when they don't want to, they'll get up and they'll pray and meditate and do whatever. I thought, well, if it's good enough for the monks, I ought to give it a shot. So

I started doing that many years ago and it works. 430 The eyes pop open.

Give myself a little caffeine and get myself a few hits off a cigarette.

Then I sit down and pop the big book to upon awakening and I go through it. I read all those prayers. I have a couple meditation books right now. You know the 11 step. Be quick to see where religious people are, right? I'm coming back through another body of work. I'll tell you about it. Rework one through 9 once a year, and Thomas Merton came back into my life, and particularly

the stuff he was writing about his last three or four years, He lived in a Hermitage by himself. And it's fascinating reading it because the world you and I live in, and cars and movement and everything else, he's got the same dialogue going on in his mind that you and I do, except he lives in a Hermitage with squirrels and raccoons in himself.

It's fascinating stuff. And I'm doing some work with Emmett Fox.

I have done some work with them at Fox in the past, but I there's three books in particular I'm working with right now. And I realized we're Bill and Bob got some of our info.

Little words like way of living,

thought, life, live and let live and a few other a few other things. The 11th step for me is what I do in the morning, ladies and gentlemen. And then in the evening when I do my evening review,

there's a whole paragraph in there about things that I'm supposed to be doing at night. And I answer a bunch of questions,

says I constructively review my day, where was I? Resentful, selfies, dishonest or afraid? And I go back through my day and I think about that,

do I own apology was a kind and loving toward all, etc, etc, etc. And it finishes up with asking God for prayer, forgiveness to be shown any corrective action. And then I close my eyes and then I go to bed. And then I get up the next day with a clean slate.

I do that because these are the things the book says. If I'll do this, I'll stay in fit spiritual condition. And in fit spiritual condition, I'm in a position neutrality. And I don't have to ever worry about picking up a drink again because the power of choice has been removed from me in the position of neutrality. And then during the course of the day, I work with all the 10 step tools. The book talks about things like watch and ask and pause and turn.

He's fighting this month. I'm practicing. I grab different words out of the 10 step of phrases and I practice him for a month at a time.

This particular month I'm working with, we have ceased fighting anything or anybody, Dash, even alcohol.

What does that mean?

Means we've ceased fighting anything. That's what it means

to me. This program,

in the final analysis is about 1011 and 12 being of service, not just in the rooms, not just to Elkies, to everybody I interact with, to the gal at Starbucks, went over and had a little bite to eat to the waitress, very busy eye contact with her. How are you? Someone actually has eye contact with her? Every area of my life. See

10-11 one through 9. Just get me there. That's all they do.

Too much focus at one through nine. One through 9 is a launching pad to enter the world of the Spirit. Work with 1011 the rest of your life in 12. Being of service in every area of your life, your career, relationships, everything. 10 elevens the meat, the Jews the power.

See it's high. That's where you get to take your awakened spirit. Out it out here. Get to wear the world like a loose garment. See you get that. You get to allow people to add to you, but they can't take from you anymore.

You truly can have love and tolerance of others becomes a code and you can begin to practice that. And you go through much less suffering and life is much funnier. You're not so serious, the Rule 62 stuff, right? Not so centered on yourself. You can really be where you're at with an internal sense of ease and comfort. It's impossible to drink from that place. And that's what 1011 is about about for me.

One through 9 just launched me back into that place.

Now all the stuff I'm talking to you about.

When I came into the rooms,

I went to a detox October 19, 1982 as living in Denver, Co. I hit that detox. They said you have brain damage, liver damage, kidney damage, just about everything I own fit in the duffel bag.

Living with a gal in Aurora, Co working as an orally in the nursing home cleaning up human feces. Right in the great Jack London story,

because I couldn't separate the true from the faults. And slowly and very insidiously, my alcoholism took took me down further and further and further and further. But you see, it became normal.

I don't have a history of coming in out of the rooms. I don't have a history of going to rehabs. I don't have any kind of that history. If you ask me to explain to you really what happened after 20 years of drinking, 13 years of outside issues coupled with the drinking, that's another point to laugh. See, that was OK.

It's as though that morning

God said

I've got some stuff I need you to do and you're dumb as an ox and you're a horrible hopeless alky and I'm going to separate you from alcohol and boom.

And I went into that detox center and I have

never once have the inception and take a drink and see that's not about me. You understand that. See, it's not about me. You can't self will your way into spiritual living.

A lot of times I I do a lot of work with people that have a lot of relapse history. Sometimes the rooms we say things like this, we say well they don't want it. That's BS.

That's baloney.

Look at how they're living their lives. What do you mean they don't want it? See, you've already forgotten why you're sitting there, and they're not sitting there.

See there, There is a thin window of grace upon that whole thing. Obsession to drink was removed from me

and I had very little of nothing to do with that. Now, where my part came into play was after I got out of that rehab and they got a big book and I started going to meetings and you started thrusting this in front of me and say you're going to have to work these steps. And I thought you all were a little bit too serious.

See, when I first came in, I thought my problem was alcohol. If your problem is alcohol, you don't need to work the steps because not drinking your solution

many years sitting here tonight you're not working steps.

You are really misinformed about what's wrong with you

because you're not working steps. You think your problems Alcohol. A big book says it's a symptom. You don't treat symptoms, you treat the problem. What's the problem?

Book uses different words. Spirituality

says when the spirituality is overcome and Mark, Mark straightens out mentally and physically.

You could use the word unmanageability. It describes an internal condition that I get to live with at some point. Makes me so dis ease with myself that my mind says I know what'll make that feel better. Mark.

They didn't have Corona when you were drinking.

It's been a long time.

You were quite a bit younger,

probably handle it.

See, that still goes on. By the way, if you're new and you think you're ever going to quit about it, ever going to stop ever not thinking about drinking on occasion, I'm here to share with you. It hasn't happened for me yet and it probably won't happen for you. I got way too much history that you put me in any situation at all which I'm the least bit uncomfortable. My mind automatically says little drink will help you with this buddy.

If you think as you gets over that changes. I don't have that experience. The difference is now it's just a thought. It goes through. I recoils from a hot flame. I kind of laugh at it, keep on moving. Whereas before it went through and my mind said wonderful idea, let's go boom. I'm going

me my most graphic example that Denver Co

was up for five days drinking, doing some outside issues and had this little problem. It was called respiratory failure. And those of you know much about that is you basically die,

your lungs collapse and your heart stops and that kind of stuff. And fortunate for me, I was living with the gal who was a paramedic and she saved my life, went on a little flight for life, ride from Pine Junction, Co back to Denver to Swedish Hospital. And I was and I was diagnosed with acute alcoholic poisoning, respiratory failure.

So they put me in ICU about 3 days. They wanted to do a little observation about the fourth night there. My mind said

this has been pretty harrowing experience.

We need a little drink,

so I called one of my few remaining pals at that time. He was dumb enough to come down and get me and I slipped out the door and I went to the bar and started drinking. And with two hours after that, I was back engaged with drinking and outside issues.

Normal people don't do that,

right? See. And you know what's funny? I used to tell that story to guys and gals like you and we'd all laugh about it. Never once it occurred to us I was describing dying the alcoholic death, right? The very things I used to brag about are all are all the symptoms I was demonstrating to the world I was an alcoholic. Because most people that go through what I just described, if you even mentioned alcohol to them, they would run or punch your lights out. Not me. I can't get it fast enough

to look at someone the other day. We're talking about the first step, We're talking about qualifying.

How do you qualify an Elkie?

Why do you want to qualify? Well, because my experience is if you suffer from the disease of alcoholism, do not have a revolutionary spiritual experience, probably going to die. So I think it's important to know, am I one of these, right.

We were kind of joking around. I said, well, there is actually a real simple way he goes, well, what's that? And I said, well, if you take 10 people, you take them up to a cabin and I said, you feed them alcohol every day, put it every orbiter through their body, Ivs, everything. At the end of one month, it's real easy to tell who the Alki is. He said, what do you mean? And I said, it's simple, Just say who would like to leave?

And I said about eight of those people are going to walk out of that room. If they ever see a drink again, they're going to puke. The other two guys that want to marry, you

see, because we take a drink, we break out the phenomenon called craving and then I'm going to set drink till the drink is satisfied and I don't get to decide when that let's go of me. My last drink literally lasted a year and a half before God separated me from alcohol.

I have experience when I go back and look at the first step about the phenomenon of craving that happened to be very early on within my first year of drinking. Because I really go back and look at the first step. As far as I can tell, the foundation of bedrock that keeps me doing the things that I still do to stay in Fitzpiers condition is all founded in my first step experience and my connection to that.

Nothing.

Say this again. Nothing gets in front of what I have to do to stay in fit spiritual conditions.

But if I lose my first step condition, first step experience and what is really wrong with me, all kinds of things get in front of that, like what job, relationships, career, money, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. If I stay connected to my first step, nothing gets in front of it. Because you see, if a guy like me doesn't stay sober, I don't have anything. I don't know how you drink. I know how I drink.

There's only one person going to be satisfied through this episode. That's me.

At some point in time, you will drive away every other human being in your life and you'll drive away your employer and you'll drive away everyone else.

You know, you hear sometimes you know it's a selfish program. I, I suppose if there's any element, because the truth is the program says above everything I have to be rid of selfishness, but I don't believe it's selfish when for my survival, I need to stay acutely aware of what I need to do on a daily basis. Give an example. I just took a vacation to Sedona, AZ. I don't know how many of you ever been there. It's

it's an amazing place. It's a place that will force you into silence.

If you're a talker, it'll drive you crazy.

A lot of power up there.

I went to five AAA meetings,

you know, stand in this real nice place.

Well and good evening town in town. I don't know a single person. Why would I do that? Why would I disrupt my vacation to go to an A a meeting?

Because I was in a town. I didn't know anybody. That's why.

And you see, I give them, I get a little uncomfortable. If I get a little uncomfortable, that voice says hey Mark, I'm here for you buddy.

So I go to an AE ME, but it's all about my first step experience.

Well, I think the Big Book spent so much time talking to me about Mark. Are you a real alcoholic?

33 pages. This thing called the craving, Do you have that? And I see that when I was 16 years old, took my first drink, I broke out in a phenomenon called craving. I still remember driving a car case of beer, three pals with me,

I'm driving the car and I'd probably drink half that case to the guys are puking, the others getting ready to, and I'm just getting started. That's because of a phenomenon called craving. I didn't know that for the longest time,

but the big book has 33 pages for me to look at. Do I have this now? That's kind of crazy, isn't it? Don't you think? That'd be a pretty simple question you have if you walk up to one of us and you talk and say, let me ask a question based on your experience, when you take a drink, you have power, choice of control over how much you drink. Now, don't you think that would be fairly easy to answer? You would think so, but not us. Because see, if I say yes to that, that's not good news

because you're all going to tell me some stuff.

So the big book is all kinds of different things to give me to look at this. They define a moderate drinker.

I wasn't in that class

said they can take it or leave it alone. I don't fit that.

Then there was a hard drink. I get excited still when I look at the hard drinker because I

see we all got a chance.

You know, you're not much different. Me, that Blues is playing down there, that, you know, that music, you know, loud music, you know, I loved bars and chase women and drinks and fights. You know, it's playing that calls, you see every time back through the steps, you know? Am I real alky? I don't know, boy. Look at that hard breaker, you know, causing me die a few years before his time. Yep. It's me, you know, imperative physically and mentally. Yeah, that's me too,

you know, Then it goes on. It's got these little, little kickers in there,

but it says it if you're just a hard drinker, not a real alcoholic. If we give you a sufficient reason and they name some,

this guy can stop or he can moderate.

So I had to leave my experience along.

Was I able to stop? Was I able to stay stopped? Forget moderation, that's out of the equation. I kind of like to work with stop and stay stopped

in the best of my memory. The only time in the 20 years from my first drink to my last drink that I I really was stopped for any length of time. It's when I was stopped and could not get ahold of anything. Like in the military. There were certain situations.

There's a woman one time, I think I made it 10 days for her.

Jesus, never again.

I sacrificed too much

but I need a place to live and it was her house.

Then I

is going up to Carbondale, Co. Night

the voice. You've been good,

little patch. Blue Ribbon on the drive up the mountain wouldn't be a bad deal.

Six days later, waking up in a hotel in Carbondale saying, Oh my God, how'd they get here again? And not knowing why. You know, it's crazy. Drink 20 years and not really, not really. Very seldom. And all that time period, did I ever say I'm an alcoholic or I got a problem with alcohol?

And, and that that's just the truth. You know, one of the things I, I really have looked at over the years is the effect produced by alcohol. And I assure you, what it does to us, it does not do to a whole bunch of people out here.

The reason I say that is because in spite of horrific consequences, we keep going back.

So I started to look at what does this stuff do to me? Well, you know,

they call it spirits.

You know, whole insides get to tingling

start to feel a part of and the fears go away and you get taller and smarter and faster and

all of these kinds of incredible things go on.

You know, you can have fun if you if you know any normies, you take some of the drunk questions and run them by normies. You know, like well, like this, you know, well, listen, what's the effect alcohol have on you? And, and typically you can really tell when you got someone who has no problem with alcohol because they go, what do you mean?

Like ask him, have you ever lost power, choice of control once you take a drink and they'll go, what do you meet? What are you talking about?

I had a woman say to 11. Why would I do that?

You know, Do you ever get drunk? Yeah, when I choose to,

you see what I'm saying? They have completely different set of answers for all those questions, you know,

but I but I saw my truth, you know, you pages 23 to 43, I think probably the most least understood pages in the big book. And every time through this year, I went back through in April and in those pages, they're talking to me about being sober. And do I have an experience sober of my mind taking me back to a drink?

And they described several different states of mind sober. Do I have an experience where I commit the most insane act of my life stone cold sober? See, there's all this talk about drinking once you get separated from alcohol. The most insane thing I have ever done I do sober. And that is that my mind convinces me to take a drink and I go take the drink. And there's three little words in those pages

that are very easy for us to get. You know what they are

at certain times. Mark has no effective mental defense against the first drink

that implies perhaps I don't have a clue when it's coming. Now if that is true and it I only stay sober through being, it fits spiritual condition. I don't have the luxury to not do the disciples at 10 or 11 every day till I die,

do I?

I hope some of you look at what I'm talking about.

Very few people ever get sober and stay sober and dice old.

It's a deadly thing. Addition to being a member of AAA, I've worked to feel the chemical dependency now for about 18 years.

Buried hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them. They used to die in our rooms. Now they don't. Now there's a screen of hospitals and treatment centers. They used to die sitting in the rooms. My first three years. Denver, Co. I remember there were fourteen women, probably in about a four month period at York Street, died alcoholism. You'd have a guy sitting right next to you and he'd pick up a drink and three days later he'd be dead.

That catch your attention. Now it don't happen in the rooms anymore. You see what I'm saying?

So what happens behind that? There's this subtle thing of if I relapse, I'll come back. Really.

Not so.

Alcoholism is a deadly disease.

People say, oh, you, you're so serious. And now that's normally the guy that's relapsed 12 times has got a week talking to me.

See, alcohol takes away my rights to live on and operate and move on this planet as a freeman. See, when I take a drink, I may as well, this is what it would look like actually, if I was really going to do this, right? Let's say I had a week to prepare for this. I would liquidate everything, get all the cash I can,

get rid of the nice car. Just give me a war wagon beat up,

write letters or fake phone calls to everyone who gives a shit about me and say you won't see me again probably.

And if I know how to get in your house, change the locks,

and then I get done with all that and then I go find me a place and then I just buy mounds or whatever it is I'm going for. Cuz out to me, you see, that's where I go. And I may as well turn in my driver's license and my wheels go down at the bank and say just close them all. Because otherwise, well, 'cause I'm going to be writing checks and money I don't have. That's why. See, I, that's what I do when I drink. You see what I'm saying?

Book says. You don't like a tornado. So yeah, do I? Do I take the the disciplines at 10 or 11 seriously? Absolutely.

Do I take alcoholism seriously? Yes, I do. See. I like the life I have today. I like being able this morning to get up and do the do the disciplines of 10 or 11, sit in a nice house and

little, little confusion about what to bring because I've got more clothes than I know what to do. See, I didn't have that problem when I get sober.

See, have a choice of two cars. I didn't have a car. I had two pairs of tennis shoes.

See, it's a little things getting sober is really neat about, right? You know

which Sport coat to bring. You know

what's a Sport coat? When they got sober, I rode a bus for almost two years.

You know, in cash. You know, money. Kurt Driver's license. Wow like electrical company actually sends me a bill and floats me electricity.

They weren't doing that when I got sober,

and they said they weren't going to do that unless I gave him a whole bunch of money.

So again, sober is great, right? You don't have a dime. You want to go and get a cell phone? Yeah, I'll be $1000 deposit

like a little auto insurance. That's an SR22, that's 3000,

you know, go. I love being sober, ladies and gentlemen,

and I never forget that, you know, God's got to come first. Mark Houston's life, Mark Houston doesn't have a life. And sometimes I think what that translates to the people who care about me is they're coming 2nd. And I don't apologize for that because they're not the ones that have to live with when I pick up the drink and and I know myself well enough because from the from the space where I'm going to move back there, I begin to deal a lot with self will run riot. And that in a pretty picture, either.

You know that line. The big book. If my arrangements would only stay put,

if only people would do as I wish, the show would be great.

Sounds here this evening. They're fabulous, right?

Kind of Blues bin man. We got the tree, you know, it's just God. It's perfect for Elkies.

I want to talk to you a little bit about

some things. I don't know if I'd call them mistakes. I probably would be.

Let me ask you a question. I want to get a feel for the room. I'm going to have a year under. Do you mind raising your hands? OK, cool.

Well, I'm going to speak to you, but I, I mean, I'll speak to everybody. I Recovery is not about sprinting. It's about being a marathon runner.

One day at a time we do this. I mean that one day at a time we do this. One day leads to a week, and week leads to a month, and month leads to a year.

So get rid of this idea. There's some arrival place. There's not.

There's Stan and having a great life.

Immerse yourself in step work.

Just going to meetings will not treat what is wrong with me. I paid that price two or three times in my recovery

where there was too much focus on the meeting, trying to treat this internal condition, and it doesn't do that.

Stay centered in that circle and that triangle, that balance between meetings, between sponsorship, being of service, and between your own body of work. By it being my own body of work, it's what I'm doing with the steps now, what my sponsees are doing. It's what I'm doing. What's my body of work? What am I doing with Jen? What am I doing with 11?

Am I working with any other books? You know, again, the big book. Be quick to see where religious people, right make use of what they have to offer

is kindergarten when it comes to what's out there.

Credible stuff out there.

Do that along with, not instead of

the steps were given to me by God to live life, stay sober, have an incredible life. It's the methodology. It's given to me now. I do a lot of things. Along with that I have over the years,

Order of Saint Benedict,

Self Realization Fellowship, learning a lot about meditation, Native American Tankasha, three years doing some work with a Native American, doing sweats,

getting reconnected to Mother Earth,

silent retreats, mysticism,

Catholicism,

all of it along with never instead of why? Because they don't talk drunk talk.

That's why I've watched people pray themselves back into whiskey.

See, So you're my tribe,

You're everywhere I go. I got to stay hooked to my tribe because you and I got a special language and nobody else talks it.

Nobody else talks it, and I got to be around my tribe. If I lose my tribe, I'm in trouble.

So you understand me,

you know, you understand, for example, my life could be absolutely incredible. And I would say to you,

jump,

do you go? Oh, I've been there, Mark, for jerk, right?

You know, So you get me. You understand me,

you know, I have a connection. I've never been able to get anywhere else. So I got to stay a part of my tribe and the practices of my tribe, which are the 12 steps, the disciplines of 10 or 11. But then I get to go out and do other exciting stuff. Lot of neat stuff out there. Amazing, open minded, you know,

incredible literature to read, churches to go to, priests to talk to, ministers to talk to, monks to talk to. Great stuff.

Go talk some of these Native American people for medicine and I'll let you get close to them.

Talk with them. Power, what amazing stuff see comes to us to this process, this process, the steps. Get a Home group, stay involved with the Home group. Go to Group conscience.

Don Prince. He was the man who really carried the message to me as a world trustee of AAS, passed away now been dead about three or four years. And he used to say every problem in the rooms of A could be solved by good sponsorship. You know what? He's absolutely right.

He taught me everything from what to talk about in a meeting to how long to talk, to show up, to group conscious, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

See, I want a, A to be here for a long time. I want this tribe to be here and I'll go to any links to bring that about. If I see traditions being violated, I'm going to talk about it, etcetera. See,

it's important. Where would we be

if A A wasn't here?

He's looking at some of your faces. You'd be about where I'd be.

We don't know, right? What a what a great gift we've been given in here.

Stay in the rooms. Your ego and the world will pull you out.

It's funny, we were standing down there just before we came up here.

Lady and her, I think her boyfriend drinking brewskis.

We're standing there. I've got the big book. It says the big book says that I believe it. That settles it, right? Sitting the table next to her and they're drinking brewskis and we get to chat and she's. Yeah, I went to a convince you a few years ago.

She sees this speaker right. Anyhow, they didn't stay out very long chatting with me.

Stick around,

see. Keep your friends close. Know your friends are

when I go back to the steps. We did this in April. Myself and three of my pals

and I sat with four questions before I reworked the first nine steps. Now let me tell you why I reworked the first nine steps.

There's a couple different belief systems, I think, operating in the rooms. Here's all I'll say about this

work with the one that feeds you. One of them is you work steps one through 9 and live in 10/11/12.

Cool,

that's one of them.

Whoever, whatever your sponsorship lineage looks like will determine probably your belief systems in this area. My sponsorship lining said revisit one through 9 every year, one time because it's an exciting experience.

So you do transmit what you have. You cannot transmit what you don't have. That's what's transmitted to be. That's all I know this idea of I'm going to do one through 9/1 time and live in 10/11/12. I don't have experience without working for me, talking about me.

But here's the other thing. If you had such a profound experience working one through 9/1 time, who wouldn't want to go for that juice again,

right? Just time to think about,

but I sat with four questions. Here's the first question because I believe that for me to drink is to die. So the first question is, do I want to live

period? Do I want to continue to live?

Here's the second question. Do I want to continue to live with the 12 steps of the program? Is my anchor