Step 12 at the Stateline Retreat in Primm, NV

Step 12 at the Stateline Retreat in Primm, NV

▶️ Play 🗣️ Dick A. ⏱️ 1h 19m 💬 Step 12 📅 13 Dec 2009
My name is Dick Anderson. I am alcoholic
and I'm very, very grateful to be here. And I'm especially grateful to be here at this time of the year when one of my favorite times of the year, when we celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah and
any other thing you want to celebrate. And mostly what we celebrate is the, the fact that God gives us a second chance. And that's really what this season is about is a second chance. And I, I, when I was a little kid, I used to love Christmas time because I would go down. There was so much hope and there was the, and the lights and, and, and I would go down and I came from a functional family and my
dad always had some nice presents under the tree and it was a great time of the year and I felt warm and I felt loved. And I didn't really find that experience as a whole. And until I got to Alcoholics Anonymous in my adult life, I, something was missing in me from the very beginning. And I didn't find that gift again until I got to our colleagues Anonymous. And if you're new and you're here, I have good news. This is the gift. The 12th step is the gift of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's what you get by working the 1st 11,
and there are many, many, many wonderful benefits from this step. I want to thank Bob for his invitation, for the hospitality, but most of all for starting Woodstock. We go to lots of meetings where people talk about all kinds of things, and I've even been to some bad conferences where it was like dueling Drunkalogs, each person trying to outdo the other. And this is really what Alcoholics Anonymous is about. We've heard people's stories, their experience and strength and hope, but we've heard it in a way where it walks us through the program.
And I love this format a great deal. I had heard about it. I knew Bob was doing it. I knew some people that were out here that that loved it. And Lee started the taper, Where is Lee? Lee over here started 1-2 years ago in Cocoa Beach in South Florida. And I was able to participate in that. And Polly was there and Clancy and and Sandy Beach. And it was a wonderful time, one of the most powerful experiences of my life, and I fell in love with it. So
weekend I started the first Woodstock of the South in Callaway Gardens. And we had about 600 people to help us get it started. And I think next year we'll have a bigger crowd than that. And, and people walked away from it saying it was the best conference they'd been to in Georgia. And it's the format, it's us walking through the big book. It's it's the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It isn't off track. It keeps us on track. And I, I thank you for starting that. That is something that will outlast hopefully all of us. And I appreciate it.
Well, thank my host Frank and Maggie. You know, sometimes you get the thing and the guys to pick you up when you speak at these things or they have six months and they have a car that's got some tape over the windows and they're just so happy to pick you up. But the last two or three I've had people that have been my age in the program or older and, and, and, and other Vietnam vets. And and so this time when Frank and Maggie picked me up, we had a great time and I felt very comfortable from the very beginning.
And
everyone who has spoken here I knew except for Charlie and Kelly, and I'm glad to know them now.
But I've had a just love everybody. And Larry and Rosie are giving me a ride back to LA. We're going to spend my wife is over there right now. So I'm going to be in LA for the next week and get to see some of these people even more. And all weekend I, I loved how Charlie started it as and, and the way Kelly
help kick it off.
Gary and I served a conference together and he was as as soft spoken at the conference as he was here last night. And that's refreshing because it's our job and Alcoholics Anonymous to make sure that
that we do listen to the voice of a A. We do serve the groups. The group is a A and and I, I enjoyed hearing him last night.
Polly. I just have a soft spot in my heart for Polly and, and I and I and I. She,
every time she shares it, touches me in a in a big way. And I really appreciate that. Sharon and I've been friends for some time and I always loved listening to her. And I didn't really meet Larry and Frank until it was Clancy's 50th birthday celebration on the East Coast. And he picked all these speakers and Clancy picked the speakers, took him out to Jekyll Island. And I noticed everybody he picked was a writer or an actor
except for Larry. And Larry got up and he was the most articulate of the group and,
and he's a plumber and it's a great program. I mean, it really is, you know, so I'm looking forward to riding back with him. And, and so the first thing I need to tell you that I am not, nor are any of the people here authorities. The big book tells us that the traditions reiterate that. And if there's any confusion about it, if you think you're an authority, if you have some enlightened look at a A and you want to share it with the rest of the world, ask your sponsor if you're an authority. And
I think you'll find out that what we do up here is we just share our experience, strength and hope. But some of us who have worked hard and have been here for a little while may have some more experience than others.
Umm, the good news about the 12th step is that it is, it's a complex step. It's a bigger step than I thought when I first came in here. Really has three parts. The 1st is a spiritual awakening. The 2nd is carrying that message to other Alcoholics. What is the message? First of all, we're carrying and finally practicing these principles in all our fears. And I'm going to share with you in my story how I
I had the spiritual experience that got me into Alcoholics Anonymous. I had a lot of those coincidences we talked about and
a lot of gifts from God when I got here. And they continued and they continued to grow. And then I tried to work a lot with other people.
And at the, at the about 12 years into the program, I headed my second bottom and I was suicidal in a hotel room by the time I was 15 years sober. And I had to learn about the third part of this, which is practicing these principles in all our affairs. I had missed that I got sober and I was trying to help other people get sober. And we use the word 12 stepping as going out to call on a wet drug, which is
what we did when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous. So I'm going to share, share my the basic part of my story, which which tells better than I can, how I was 12 stepped, how God gave me a spiritual awakening and how I was able to return that to people. And then I want to share some of the principles I had to learn after that bottom when I was 15 years sober. And those principles are in the traditions and we don't talk about them a lot of groups, but I'm going to talk about how I use them and how they affect me in my personal life. I don't come from a family that should
had any problems at all.
I was a child that was given many gifts when I was young. I had nothing to overcome. There was no alcoholism in my family. The only thing I had to overcome really was opportunity and I ended up I ended up I was a gifted kid. I was given whatever I needed. We were not a wealthy family, but we were an honorable family. My dad is one of the most decorated P 51 pilots from World War 2
and
retired as a Colonel. I come from a long line of military families. We have a lot of West Point Annapolis graduates. I am named for my great, great grandfather. My name is Richard Jefferson Anderson. I'm named for Richard Herron Anderson, who was General Dick Anderson under Robert E Lee at Gettysburg. He was named for his grandfather who was Richard Klo Anderson, who was a general under George Washington. It gets worse.
My, my little sister is a retired bird Colonel,
her husband's a retired Colonel. Their boy graduated from West Point. All of the grand generation. We've got several special forces and a bunch of Marines and and so and all of these people were like that. I got drunk, sat with the Marine recruiter and was a staff Sergeant and Vietnam. And so I was the black sheep of the family and I was not career because the military,
they just had different hours than I did.
And so,
but that's the family that I grew up in. So from the very beginning, I did not feel like I fit in. You can Google my ancestors, you know, and they don't have numbers under their names either. And it when it, when you Google my great grandfather, I'm named for it. He was one of these favorite generals because he was known for his humility. And so that's the way my family was. My dad, they didn't drink. We had iced tea and, and eliminated family reunions. My dad wasn't down to the VFW. I joined the VFW so I could get a drink in a dry county.
That was a trick that a friend of mine taught me. But my dad wasn't down there doing all that. So that's the kind of family I grew up in. And and so from the very beginning, I felt estranged from my family. I felt I'll at ease. I felt like I didn't fit in with my family. And my family was a prayerful family. They went to church. They believed that God had put them here on earth to be of service and they weren't, they weren't proud. They were. And so I just didn't feel like I fit in. I remember
trying to steal a nickel off my mom's dresser so I could go get a candy bar.
I mean, that was my agenda. My family was out doing all this service and protecting this country and my agenda was just getting something for me. It was always getting something for me. So I'd have felt like I didn't fit in from the very beginning. But everything I went to, even the activities, I was involved and I was involved in 4H Little League, Boy Scouts. In the Boy Scout Handbook, it says the way we please God best is by doing something kind for another person anonymously each day.
That's exactly the premise of this program that we're in. But I couldn't get that. I couldn't get that when I was a kid because I was always
looking at what you thought of me. And, and I was, I was, I think Sharon was talking about, you're talking to somebody and they mentioned their name three times and you don't remember them. And that's who I was. I was self-conscious when I was a kid and I, I knew that there was something spiritual there. There was never a time when I didn't believe that there was a God. In fact, I think that there was part of me that was seeking God all my life. I did graduate work and I went to UK who by by the way is 10 and oh and and will go from #4 up to #2 this this week in basketball. But
but not that we have outside opinions. But
but then I did graduate work at Transylvania in intercultural studies and I went through a period there where I kind of tried to cut down on my drinking. And I was reading Khalil Gibran, the Prophet. I was reading all kinds of any book Herman has a I was reading all these different viewpoints of of life. Edgar Cayce's from my dad's hometown in Hopkinsville. So at Casey had this psyche gift and he would put a book under his pillow and read it. And I tried doing the same thing, putting the books under
Go and read it. Apparently he did it without Wild Turkey. And so,
but I was seeking, I was always seeking. And so I had, I did not feel comfortable all in, in, in person, but I felt comfortable we there was an invention. I grew up in the 50s and there was this invention called the television and it was black and white and it had these shows on it. And the shows were excellent moral teachers. It was Andy Griffith Show and Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best
and Ozzie and Harriet and those shows became. This is hard for me to explain, but I actually feel more even today. Sometimes I feel more comfortable when I'm sitting there
with characters I'm a writer than I do with real people. Because,
you know, real people, sometimes they don't say what you write them to say. And so, so, so in TV, you know, that became my moral compass. And whenever Opie or Wally ever got off the beam, then, you know, Dad would just take his pipe and kind of push it to one side, say something wise, and Opie or Wally would get the message. And that became my moral compass. And
I had my first spiritual experience when I was probably 6-7 years old. I went to the drive-in with my dad, the Colonel, my mom, the colonel's wife, and my little sister, the soon to be retired Colonel, and all at the east drive in. And I saw the first thing I'd ever seen in color. And it was not only in color, it was in Technicolor. And it wasn't little. It was 120 feet wide on the screen at the drive-in. The big book says lack of power as our dilemma. In fact, the book says
that finding a power is the whole purpose of this book. And for that reason we're going to talk a lot about God. And that's what the 12th step is about. It's just finding a relationship with a power, some power that I was looking for all my life.
And so up there on the screen was tremendous power because the name of the movie was The 10 Commandments. And there was this guy named Moses, and he had a staff like this. And all he had to do was take that staff and push it to one side. And the Red Sea parted and the wind would blow in his hair. And I just remember making two decisions that night because I felt like an infinite with family. But maybe if I had this power, that was the kind of power that I wanted. Whatever he had up there was what I wanted. So the next day, this was a Saturday night. The next day as much as a surprise my parents I went down the aisle at Linden Baptist Church
and they were playing this hymn at the end of the thing the called I surrender all and I surrendered all. It was about this tall and all of me went down the aisle and I got dipped and dunked much to spread. My parents were not aware I was having a spiritual awakening at the drive in the night before and and of course I didn't confer with them. And you know, in Alcoholics Anonymous, we have a great gift is called a sponsor and I didn't have a sponsor before I got to AI had nobody I could tell the truth to. And so
so I'm I'm walking down the aisle. I got dipped and dunked
and I had the same experience that and I believe that I really took a third step. I believe that I did the best emotional job I could of turned my life and everything I had over to God. But I did the same thing as the newcomer who comes into Alcoholics Anonymous, who comes in and goes to all these meetings but doesn't do anything to change. I wasn't helping anybody. I wasn't doing anything to change. And so my life remained the same and I was still that scared little Baptist Boy Scout. And when I didn't change and I saw other people smiling and and it looked like they had what I
I thought God didn't want me. So I made a decision that God didn't want me. I didn't believe that God didn't exist. I believe that God didn't want me because of the way I was
and I didn't know why I was the way I was. Frank talking about he doesn't know why he is the way is. That's exactly how I felt. I didn't know why it was the way I was. I didn't grow up in that kind of family and I had all the opportunities. And so I went through the motions. I did all the things I was supposed to. I was a good kid. I was, I mean, as far as my parents knew, they thought I was happy. I was making good grades. I was starting quarterback on the football team. I was active in a lot of things and playing in bands and
and so forth. I had my next spiritual experience when I was 14,
a buddy of mine who played left field and I was the center fielder on a Babe Ruth League Baseball team we were camping out in. His older brother got us a six pack of beer and a half planted gem. And that six pack of beer I drank and he drank the gin. And I, for the first time in my life, felt like, I thought what Moses must have felt like when he was up there with the wind blowing through his ear. Because when that beer filled me up, I felt absolutely No Fear. All of that fear that I had of you and of life just disappeared. And I absolutely
felt like I was 6 feet tall. And from the beginning I was not a stay at home drunk. I was go to town drunk. Going to town when you're 14 minutes he hit means hitchhiking. And we hitchhiked up to a place called the White Castle. I don't think they've got them out here, but it's a place over in the Midwest and part of the South where they sell these little hamburgers. They got a bunch of onions on them that seem like it's a good idea to eat a dozen them at 3:00 in the morning when you're drunk. And so my buddy and I show up there at midnight.
Now he drank the gin and he's not having the same spiritual experience I am.
He's starting to feel a little woozy. And I never had a cup of coffee either. But I had seen where in Perry Mason, if you have too much to drink, if you have a cup of coffee, it'll sober you up so you can talk to the police. So I ordered, I ordered a cup of coffee for my buddy and Dave had the coffee. Now I am having the time of my life. I've been to White Castle before, but I've never had this experience. They call it distilled spirits. And for me it was AI know now that it wasn't real, but it was the only time I'd ever had this kind of experience. It was a
spiritual experience. I was friends with people. I had a girlfriend. She was a little bit older than me, redhead, working behind the counter. I was table hopping and meeting some of the people. But my buddy Dave is not having the spiritual experience. So I got him this cup of coffee and then he didn't have an experience that I think he enjoyed either. He threw up all the way down the counter.
And if you're looking for Louisville City policeman at midnight, turns out the best place to find them is at the White Castle. So two of them showed up, asked me how old he was. 14 How old are you? 14? So I was in Louisville City Jail 4 hours after I took my first drink.
That was the end of my social drinking.
By the time I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, I had been locked up 22 times. Only one of them was a DUI. Most of them were for acts of defiance. I didn't even make any money off my crime. I mean, it was there was acts of defiance. I was the guy, all of this anger, and I didn't realize I had it, but because God turned me away and I didn't fit in my family. If you're totally isolated like that, I know how Frank feels. I was just angry. And why was I angry? I mean, I was given everything, but I was just angry.
So I was the guy. If you were pulled over on the side of the road and a cop was talking to you, I would pull behind. I say, officer, what's the problem here? And my buddies love me because they always went home. And I was the guy that went back with it with handcuffs. I was, I was locked up at my senior prom. I was locked up six times my senior year, my senior prom. By now I'm 18. And because of the way I lived, my family had asked me to leave. Now I felt even lonelier. Now, the story that I'm telling you now is not what I recognized at the time. All I looked for then
was the feeling I had when the alcohol in it was in because it was the only time I could tolerate me or you.
But now looking back on and I see where God was leading me all the time and I had no idea. That's part of my spiritual awakening. I see that God was there all the time. I was the one that was disconnected. But at my senior prom, I get locked up. I was living in an apartment with some older kids because I was told I couldn't live at home and act that way. So I I just got a shared apartment with some other kids, older kids. And now I find I went to school where people did not get in trouble. Nobody in my family got locked up. And I, for the first time, I got
a little bit of the media attention. I got locked up the same time we have prom in Louisville. We have something called the Kentucky Derby and the Kentucky Derby. We have about half a million people over to enjoy a horse race. And this was in the 60s and I had gone to school with two black kids and about 3000 white kids. And I got along with the two black kids. So I thought I knew all about race relations. This time I was over 18. And two counts of salt and battery on a police officer are not a juvie or it's a felony count. So they put me
the felons, and there were eight bays and there I was in there with seven Black Panthers who had been locked up for coming into blow up Churchill Downs. They had a bunch of explosives with them. So the next morning, my parents, who hadn't seen me for a while, discovered exactly where I was, because on NBC, ABC and CBS they brought out the Seven Black Panthers
and me and my little powder blue tuxedo jacket.
So this gets more and more confusing and I'm not, I'm thinking that the answer to this, I'm reading Hemingway, Fitzgerald, all of the all of the writers that I followed were alcoholic. I mean, you know, I didn't read the part about Hemingway shooting his head off with a shotgun and all that stuff. But but they were, they drank. We sat, we drank. And you know, I was still watching lots of film. I went to,
I saw The Graduate 10 times when it came out and, and I had I'd been,
you know, I'd never smoked all the way through 'cause I was an athlete. I saw The Graduate and I started smoking and I had an affair with an older woman. She'd be about 89 now. And
so I've got all this stuff now. The point is that I'm living. The only time I feel comfortable is I'm living in a fantasy land over here. And when I'm have to walk back in to deal with real people or on the rare occasions where there's any idea that I should have contact with God, I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with that. The only time I'm comfortable is when I'm full of whiskey. And I was very destructive. I, I left that church as a kid and the high school that my parents went to when were Scottish and,
and the, we, they went back to the Presbyterian Church. And that church is where my dad still belongs. My dad's 89. He got remarried. My mom died about five years ago and my dad got remarried at that church two years ago at the age of 87. And he's an old test pilot. He's still driving. He can't see her here, but you know, he's, you know, you can't tell an old fighter pal or anything. So, but, but that's the church my dad goes to now. I had actually defaced that building. I had actually gone in and tried to destroy the building thinking I'd get back at God.
I'm angry and I'm getting angrier and, and, and I decided that you know what, we sat, we drank, we enlisted and I go off to Vietnam. I actually did OK. I got good rank. I was a staff Sergeant, which was good rank for enlisted. I, I think because of all my experience and every summer, all I ever did was go to some kind of military thing that I was used to it. It's like prisoners who get used to prison. I was comfortable in the military and and I did OK and but I knew I wasn't going to be there forever because again, the hours thing was
a not working out well and getting up for formation. So I got out of that and I came back to Louisville and
met a beautiful woman and we were going to get married. Just tried to figure out what to do with her husband. And he was an advanced man for the Nixon administration. So now I'm going through all this stuff. Every time I think I'm going to find something, you know, it's now I got, I got, I was, I was, I never got married. I didn't have any divorces to deal with because I was engaged 6 times
before I got to Alcoholics Anonymous and no one as soon as we get close to the wedding, it didn't happen. And I was at the same time, I wanted so badly to just be normal. I just wanted to be my like my dad. I want my dad to be proud of me. But when I got back from Vietnam, my dad, I was staying with my dad at his house for a few days and
and, and they ran out of booze. Well, I ran out of booze and, and so I decided I'd go out and he tried to stop me because I was drunk. And so I knocked my dad down. My hero. I'm knocking my dad down as the rest of family is watching from the landing and my mom and sister are crying so I can get out to get a drink.
So obviously my relationship with my dad was strained and estranged for a long time. When I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, I had no relationship with my family,
so it didn't take long. I was a good at what I did and I got a job where I only had to work a couple hours a day and I was writing and producing commercials. When I came back, I worked for a big agency in New York. I got fired from one job and Louisville went to New York and I was doing Coca-Cola commercials and I did the one they tried out with the football player each year at at
Super Bowl. Thank you. All the Super Bowl people think it's the best. They they voted the best ad of ever written a fear. But there are better ads. It's just if you're a Super Bowl fan, it seems like a good ad. But anyway, but I was winning awards. I got Cleo's, I've got Emmys, I've got all these things.
I had talent. I only had to work for a couple hours each day. They let me have a bar in the office, but I finally got to the point where that wasn't even working. My last two years I spent sleeping on a bathroom floor. I had lost the ability to control my kidneys or bowels. I was delusional. I had was becoming very, very paranoid and thought people were trying to get me. And I had a 45 sidearm
in case somebody really was trying to get me and I was down to I had a pair of pants
yellow. I still have everything I owned in one box when I came to a yellow pair of pants. This this box that I have has a yellow pair of pants, a blue shirt, 2 wheat, two pairs, a pair of Weejuns. These are loafers with hole in the bottom. And that did the 45 disappeared someplace, but that was all I owned and I wasn't paying rent and I slept in this on the bathroom and I was bleeding from my stomach and
I couldn't eat. So my last two years, I would come to
try to get something down, dry heat for a little while, sit there and I had a little black and white TV on the linoleum floor. And then I would pass out again. And that was my life. And the only thing I did outside of that was walk up to the liquor store. I didn't have a car. I was beyond all that. And,
and I was 27 years old and I got evicted from that apartment and I remember
when I did, they don't give you 5 days, they give you 6 days or two weeks, but that's never enough time. And so I
went to this liquor store knowing that the next day I was living out on the street. And the guy said, just a minute. And he brought out the owner. And the owner says, we can't take this check. And we know that the last few checks you've written are no good. So we're going to ask you not to come into our liquor store. And it's embarrassing. And as humiliating as it was, my only thought was, oh God, I hope she gives me that whiskey.
Now there are many, many spiritual experiences that happened before, but this is when the series starts. They did give me that bottle of whiskey and I walked back around the corner to this place where I was going to lie down to sleep. And it was a concrete area. And it was June the 8th of 1977 is my sobriety date. And I, I come around the corner and, and whatever happened, it was almost like slow motion. That bottle broke. And when it broke,
I was more hopeless and helpless and fearful than I ever had been in a firefight because I had nothing to fight back with. And
all the rage I'd had in me all that time came out and I started cursing God at the top of my lungs because I had that 45 and I had a bullet in the chamber. And I got ready to pull the trigger because I couldn't live without this alcohol. And so the only way for me to go was to pull this trigger. I wasn't writing a note. I wasn't getting attention, but I just, I was ending my life and I had never done any of the things I really wanted to do. And I had never become the person I wanted to become. And all I heard when I was a kid was about all the potential I had. And so I
up getting ready to pull that trigger and I started yelling, got blanket, got blanket, got blanket. Something broke. And I said, God help me, God help me, God help me. And a scene from that movie Days of Wine and Roses, which I had seen probably 50 times when I was drunk, came to life right in front of me. And it was almost like I was really in that movie. And it was Jack Klugman walking up to Jack Lemmon and said, I understand you need help. I'm from Alcoholics Anonymous
and that was a 12 step call because that had been written by a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and the script had been approved by our
public information a chair up there. And that was a living breathing movie. Go back and look at that movie. I take my newcomers. We have a Daisy wine and roses thing and they'll look at it and the younger people have never seen it before and said, man, but that's that's that was the 1st 12 step. That was a 12 step column me. And when I had come back from Vietnam, I went with a friend of mine, a Gunny, my drinking buddy, Gunny Gunny Bob DI Hope. His last name is D by now
and
he, he was the one that told me about joining the VFW. So and we had to go to a mandatory drug abuse seminar. And at this mandatory drug abuse seminar where a bunch of us sitting there and they're all newbies except for the two of us. We got our sunglasses on. If you're going to mandatory drug abuse seminar, you take couple shooters, which we did. So we had a little buzz goes a man and we're sitting in the back of the room. We're back from the nom. This guy gets up. He's a member. He says my name is Charles and I'm an alcoholic, but I don't drink anymore because I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
He was a member of a local group who would come and talk to a bunch of troops just to share his story. He was making a 12 step call on me. And when I would stay up late at night drunk and see those old movies, they'd be these Psas on there instead of if drinking is is if you like to drink, that's your business. If you if, if it's a problem, then that's our business Call Alcoholics Anonymous. That's the only ad they had. And I thought it was a great ad. I still think it's a great ad and
but it was on there late at night and when a A would come to town and back in the old days, the press would cover it and they'd interview people and they have stuff over their face masks over their face or they'd have their it'd be
backlit so you could see silhouettes and their voices like and so, but you got the idea that there were people that could get sober. And I knew that there was Alcoholics Anonymous was in town. I wish we did that more now. But but but all those things, 12 stepped me. You had 12 stepped me because you were on some Pi committee or because you were willing to go be an outside speaker. You 12 step me. And if you hadn't done that, I wouldn't have known where to go. But I walked instead of pulling the trigger.
That moment of of seeing days of wine and roses in front of me gave me some peace. And I walked up to a phone booth on a street corner and I called the operator. And the operator, because you had done some 12 step work with her,
answered the phone and I didn't even have a dime. So I called the operator and I said I started crying. I said I'm an alcoholic and which probably wasn't her typical request, but I said I think I'm an alcoholic. And instead of just hanging up on me, she knew to call this woman who had just started as the the manager of the central office in Atlanta. Her name was Helen Rowe. And Helen Rowe had just started there the year before, and she's still there.
And
I call her every year on my birthday. I was speaking up at when we were speaking to Calgary, Sharon and Clancy and I spoke together on my 30th birthday. And I was in Calgary and my host took me up to Banff was one of the most beautiful places on earth. And I called her. And not only was I in Banff having a great time, I was speaking to something useful. And I was calling and thanking her because she was there at a central office. The group and the central offices are the, the, the, the core of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's I
person and she sent out a guy and if she hadn't answered the phone, I wouldn't be here. And she sent out a guy named Ed. And Ed was a guy that I would not normally related to him. He was a railroad man, obviously. I was kind of a hip avant-garde writer, a little bit on the downside and, and, and, and he was a railroad man. And he came and he he talked to me and he had a bad toupee smoke in a pipe and he wasn't old enough to smoke a pipe. And he he was a year and a half sober. He lived in a little place at the Darlington Apartments where he had a room with a hot plate, but he had a
car. You know how we are. And so when much of A car was a Pinto that still had the sticker on the side, but he comes out and he's got a pair of a striped shirt and a pair of Plaid pants. So I'm immediately thinking, I don't, I don't think so. And so shoot myself or go with a guy with Plaid pants and striped shirt. So, but he started talking to me and he'd read the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And because he had read the big book, he didn't tell me, he didn't criticize me. He didn't say you're a mess. He didn't say you smell like what you're in.
What he did was he told me his story and they said, what do you do? And I said, I think I'm an alcoholic. And he said, well, you know, I didn't realize at that point that being an alcoholic is not a vocation. And but I said, and I just discovered it apparently in the few minutes before calling him. So it was news to me and I wanted to tell him. But anyway, so he, he said that
he said, no, what, what have you done? What did you do for a living? And I said, oh, I wrote some things and I told him a couple things. I said, well, God gave you a lot of talent, didn't he said you'll be able to use that again after you get sober. He was the first person,
He was the first person who had seen something in me that was worth anything at all, who made that remark to me. Because nobody, my family, even the people I drank with did want to be with me.
And
and he saw some value in me and I did a most complete third step I've ever done with him. I turned myself over to him. He suggested we get rid of the firearm or at least take the round out of the chamber. But
but
so, and I went with him and he stopped at one of these little machines, ATM machine. This was the 70s. I've never seen one before. And this year I got sober was the year that Elvis died. Star Wars came out and they came out with ATM machines. And so and I was not real hip to any of that at the time. But the ATM machine he said, and he said, I'm going to stop here. And, and, and he said, I said, what's an ATM machine? You've got this little card I put in there and I get money
really. And then my thought that goes through my mind was if I had one of those cards, I wouldn't be need to call this guy an A, A but anyway,
so but he says, will you be OK? He gets out of the car and while he's doing that, I throw up down the inside of his window. And he came back and the only thing he did was put his arm around me and say it's going to be OK because he was carrying the message. And the way he lived, he knew that we don't have cars or jobs or anything else unless we're willing to help a wet drunk.
And if he had said anything critical to me, I wouldn't be here.
It's hard for me to. I mean, when you get into this, it's hard to express all the gratitude you've got for
what everybody, everybody bid for me.
So I came in here, I had my four days of DTS like everybody else at that time. And I was I was in one of those places that he took me to place that he dried out in and my third days of DTS that they were trying to brighten the the atmosphere for the
patients. And they were having a zoo day where people were dressed up as animals. And I was still in D TS. And
if you're in treatment, not not a good idea. No so.
But I had an old guy named Joe Hubbard who had at that time about
30 years in the program. He's dead now, but he came put his he 12 step to Lynn Wilder and he came and put his hand on my arm. And I learned how to work with wet drunks because if wet drunks delusional, they're they're hallucinating. If you human contact brings him back. And so he did that with me and he sat with me. And from that day until now, I've never had a time where there weren't a bunch of men who would do anything and everything to help me stay sober. And Joe did that for me. And the big book says when we take that third step, that God provides everything we need. And I certainly had surrendered the fact that I
drinking, there must be something else was going to happen. I'd cried out to God. So somebody put me in a car to go back to my hometown of Louisville and they assigned a sponsor. And because I had brain damage, it took me about a year and a half to learn how to read because of the way I've been drinking my last two years. It was over a year before I could read anything or comprehend anything. And I was confused a lot. And I will say one thing. I hear a lot of this thing like shut up and get in the car. Nobody ever told me to shut up. Everybody showed me unconditional love because I, I was in bad shape. And everybody, it may have been firm with me and they may have not taught, but you know, I
to 10 meetings a week and item or speaker meetings. And one was a big book meeting, another was a 12:00 and 12:00. And if you had worked the step, you could share, if not, you could ask a question. So there was no time when I was going to be talking anyway. We talked at the Howard Johnsons after the meetings, but they, but they immediately started taking me on 12 step calls with them. But they assigned me a sponsor and his name was Jack Sullivan. He was another railroad man. And so they wrote that on the back of they or me. I'm a little vague on a few details in the beginning, but somebody wrote it on the back of my hand. I had Jack Sullivan and his phone number. So I go to Louisville,
call Jack, and immediately I was in this group. Now I had no place to stay. I borrowed the car to get up there. So theoretically I have no plan, but but this is my this is what I've learned in Alcoholics Anonymous. God has a plan and even takes care of all the details. That's the gift. That was my spiritual awakening. I was starting to see that I haven't had a desire for a drink since that first day. Not once, not ever. I haven't had a desire for a drink. God took it away and it's been gone the whole time, but that was that. I can't even tell you what a gift that was. And there are times when I've forgotten that gift.
I've forgotten how good God was to me. That's my problem. I take it back. So I didn't have a place to stay and they put me in, this guy had a, they were all functioning people, had wives, families. They put me in a basement. They didn't have a little treatment centers there. So I stayed in the basement where there were two beds and I got to work with the wet drunks. And from the second day I was there, they took me on a 12 step call and we would go and we call on those people and you know, they look like they were dead. And then you get to watch some of them. A lot of them didn't stay, but those who did stay and I'd stay up with them at night,
get irritated at first because after two or three weeks, you think, you know, and I'm helping this guy and I'm staying up with him for three nights. And but they pointed out that I was staying sober and I was getting the gift of working with a wet drunk. And if there's anybody in there who hasn't worked with a wet drunk, I wish that you get, that's my, my Christmas wish for you is that you get to work with a wet drunk. Last weekend when we produced the, the Woodstock. That's something that I, I feel good about, like Bob feels good about this. It'll, it's something that'll live on. But the night before I went down to do that, I sat in a hotel room
for two hours with a girl who had been in an induced coma because she was having so many seizures, was two days out of her induced coma, and she was asking me why she couldn't drink like other people. But she's now been sober for 8-9 days because we got her into a place and that
wet, that column, that wet drunk was one of the bright spots of my life in the last two months. I love that. So if you get a chance to do that, so I'm getting a chance to do that. I was pouring coffee at one of those clubs
and I got one of the first gifts that I couldn't give anything away to anybody. I couldn't really do anything for anybody, but they gave me a gift. They gave me the gift of a job and they didn't want me because I couldn't think. Well, they didn't want me to do have any of the jobs that involved math, like making coffee. And so I was in Louisville, KY. If you came in at that time and you didn't smoke, it was mandatory that you learned how to smoke. So I was the ashtray guy for my Home group and we had those little ashtrays that were
round and they were red,
green, blue, they were Christmas tree colors and they were round. GSO actually sold those at one time and, and so and they were engineered so that the cigarette ashes would chemically fuse with the metal. And my job was to take the Brillo pad and get them out of there. And I was a good ashtray guy and,
and, and I was real proud of being on ashtray. And I was actually, I was proud of being the ashtray guy than I wasn't being the youngest creative director is this ad agency in New York because one was real and one was not. And so I was ashtray guy and then I found out about another spiritual gift. We have an A, a which is called rotation, which prevents any of us from taking over because you know how we don't like to take over and so.
So I was the ashtray guy for about for over a year and I did a fine job of keeping those ashtrays clean. And, and they came up and they said we've got a new guy that's going to be the ashtray guy. Well, my brain was opening up and I was starting to think a little bit better. And they said, and I said, you know, they said we've got a new guys name is Raymond. He's going to be the ashtray guy. And I said, I don't think so.
Am I not doing a good job? And they said yes, but we have another job for you. You're going to be the chairman. I said I'm going to be the chairman. You're going to be the chairman. You're going to be the person who sets up the chairs and,
and so I was eager and so, but there were only 10 ashtrays in their 40 chairs. So I'm not stupid. This is a promotion and
I
but I would tell you until I got until I got to the point where
I could start thinking and actually working through these steps. I did three house cleanings my first year and a half, but it was not it was the same girl was I only had one resentment. It was the same girl. I don't remember what her name was now, but apparently I was irritated at her. And so there wasn't much if your if your brains not working, you can't get much out.
But what kept me sober was being here committed you making me feel like I belonged. You let me stay in your home. You let me go go places with you. People took me to conferences when I didn't have the money and paid for them. There's no way for me to pay that back except to pass it along. This was the gift I was given. You just took me up like I was a member of your family. And you gave me all these gifts. And I knew that I couldn't express myself. I couldn't tell you what I was thinking, but what I knew was that I had never experienced in the kind of unconditional love that I experienced.
Anonymous and I don't know where else we are kind of people would find that. And so this was happening to me. Now I finally get to do what we've done and talked about this weekend. I'm working through the steps. I got through the the 4th and 5th step and realized that I was angry at everybody. I was separated from God and angry at God. I was separated from people and angry at people.
I had a huge number of character defects all built around fear because my anger came out of fear. And, and so I deal with that and I go through the 9th step and this is where the real miracles start to take place. I go to Linda Baptist Church, that church that I had felt like abandoned me when I was a kid and I apologized to them on a Sunday night out of fear sponsor and, and on that night, and by this time I'm a year and a half, two years sober my and, and on that night, I'm up there apologizing to this church and two things happened.
An entire group of people in that church loved me unconditionally. I asked if I could be part of that church for a couple of years to make amends. And, and I don't go let church anymore. I spend most of my time in AA, but I'm free to go to any place I want to. And so I was loved unconditionally. That group of people, I didn't have any money. They took up a collection, gave me money to go home and visit my family. They were living in Mississippi at that point. They took care of me just like people in AI do. I found out that my life as a child of God is bigger than just a a, It goes outside of here to other places.
And I started learning that lesson. The second thing that happened that night that I was up there apologizing, there was a beautiful blonde girl that was in the congregation and she had never heard anybody apologize to a Baptist Church before or since. And
she was two things I was not looking for. She was a seminary student and a good girl, and I had enough time that my sponsor said I could date. I was kind of looking for a new dancer who needed spiritual guidance and,
but because God put me together with this woman, she's praying for me right now and I'm going to see her. She's over at the Beverly Hilton calling on people for a place that she represents in the treatment business. And, and she's been my wife for 25 years. And God introduced me to her because I was working a ninth step. Just one more gift and
and when
when we say suddenly we realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. I can't even count the number of things the miracles have taken place in my life. My suggestion is that you couldn't either. If you look and that's part of what this is the spiritual awakening in my eyes start to see these things and I can recount them. I couldn't recount them, some of them when they were happening back then.
Now I go through and I my, my last
act on that 9th step was to go to the Harvey Brown, the Presbyterian Church where my dad goes, because I had to face their building. And I go in there to to find somebody to apologize to, and I can't find anybody.
And I go in the Chapel and I realize who I'm there for. I've been asking God to keep me sober in the morning and thanking God each night. And I had strong resentments towards God. I was angry at God. And yet I'm trying to have this relationship with somebody that I just am angry at. And I realized what I was there to do, even though God didn't do anything to offend me, was my job was to forgive God because I had been holding resentments against God for a long time.
And so I started forgiving God. We say it at the end of this meeting. We'll say the Lord's Prayer, forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us. And suddenly as I'm forgiving God,
all that weight that seemed to have been on my back, all those knots in my stomach just started to disappear. I felt like I weighed nothing. I had one of the two most spiritual experiences I've ever had in my life. I'll share the second one when I close, but
on this occasion suddenly I felt like there was a wind blowing through my soul. I can't explain this any other way,
but what was happening was you had brought me into Alcoholics Anonymous by learning how to love a wet drunk unconditionally without him giving me anything back. I had learned unconditional love. You taught me that. And eventually I was able to take that over to my family and instead of arguing with my dad about politics, I was able to love him unconditionally and let him be who he was. And you gave me that gift. I learned in here
what I could carry out there. I was reconnected to the human race.
In fact, I don't think I was ever connected to the human race. It wasn't reconnected. I was always scared of them, but now I had real friends in AA and I started to have real friends outside AA and I started to have a relationship with my family. You gave that to me. Alcoholics Anonymous gave that to me. But the second thing that started to happen, now I have a relationship with God. I knew God was there, but I never had a relationship with Him before. I felt at peace. I felt at harmony. The thing they call serenity was when I was at peace with God and human beings at the same time. And that's all. Our 4th and 5th step is we're trying to get straight
people and with God. And I wasn't thinking through any of this. All that intellectual work that I did back there, you know, in this graduate work in intercultural studies and all the different religions, I could tell you all kinds of things and I was still acting like a total ass. Every place I went self-centered. All I was doing now was working a few steps, working with new drunks and following my sponsor and the keys to the Kingdom. This whole vision is opening up in front of me just because I'm doing what you asked me to do. And so gift after gift keeps coming in. And so I start and I have
awakening now I'm trying to figure out what to do with the spiritual waking because I also don't have a don't have a job. I'm still working at this place, pouring coffee at this thing. And I go to an old timers luncheon and at the old timers lunch. And this was at the Galt House and there were a bunch of old timers that met there every Friday. Clancy knows every one of them. They were people he ran around with some of them that had 10-15 years more than him. Most of them are dead now. And I'm telling them, they allowed me to go there and I'm telling them that I had a, a,
a, a, I needed a job, I needed a place to stay. I needed a car,
I needed a, some money. And one of the guys, they're not, they're not paying attention. They're talking about a putter. Somebody had a new condo. You know that, you know how old timers don't catch the emergency of our crises. And so, and but one of the guys said, bring your resume by tomorrow. So I went and took my resume the next day and the day after that, I was the ad guy and press secretary for a guy running mayor. Six weeks later, I was the press secretary for the city of Louisville and the mayor's press secretary. And here's why I had that job. I thought I had that job because it was, it met all those needs. I had
all the things that I needed now. But the other thing was I had been locked up 22 times and all of them involved more than one officer. I never had. And I didn't really get to know him very well because I never had really a one-on-one conversation. It was more like a three on one conversation. And so and I didn't get to know him by their first name and obviously it wasn't pleasant. So how do I make amends to them? And so one of the first few 12 step calls I went on was a cop that people have been covered for because if they found out they had an alcohol problem, they lost
their pension. So we put into my sponsor was Jack Sullivan, who started the program for the railroads. So I was in office, but Jack helped actually did the work and supervise. We put in the first amnesty program for the city of Louisville. And the first six guys, cops that got sober were brought into the chief's office. The chief said, OK, you can listen to Dick and go with him to a A or you can lose your pension. And some of them chose to go with me. And so it's but, but my life was being useful even though I was nuts.
But I had, you know, our group, we had your sponsor, but you had a whole bunch of people that supervised you. They didn't let you get into too much trouble. And so I was able to be useful and God was using me and that gave me some feeling of self worth. It gave me a feeling of something more than just, you know, mouth and what the mayor is going to do, who cares? But but that was really good. Well, really, I mean, you know, I mean, I'm, I'm, that wasn't my calling, but it was a job. And so,
and, and then
after that,
the guys that I got sober with did an annual house cleaning and I still do an annual house cleaning and the guys that I sponsor do an annual house cleaning. That way we continue to grow and to fit ourselves to be a maximum service to guide those abouts. And so we did this at Gethsemane, which was a Catholic monastery. And I went down there and there was a Catholic priest and he was with us and, and he came out and he said, now I've had the spiritual experience. I want to do what God wants me to do, but I'm not sure what God wants me to do. I'm looking for the writing on the wall. I'm looking to go to the mountain. And this priest gets up and he says
know what God will is, don't you? And not even the old timers venture to, you know, I don't know whether they were being humble or nobody really knew, but he said God's will is simple. It is to do the best you can to help others right now with all the talents and gifts God gives you. That's it. If do the best you can right now with what you've got. If your father, be a good father. If your son, be a good son. If your brother, be a good brother. If you are a husband, be a good husband. If you're a dad, be a good dad. If you are a member of Alcoholics Anonymous because you got sober there, be the best member you can be.
If you have a job that you absolutely love and you're good at, do it honorably and serve others so that so that so that their life is better. If you drop that you absolutely hate, do it honorably and serve others until God gives you something else. And he said God sees us the same way We're his children and he sees us the same way that we see our children. A few men had two boys and they were both 7 years old. They both had little red wagons that you gave them. And one of them took that red wagon around the neighborhood and spread joy to the other kids.
And the other kid took the red wagon. He kicked it aside and said I want a scooter. Who would you give more to? And a light went on because I had always been the one that kicked whatever you gave me away and I wanted something else. I never thought about taking what you gave me this day to use it for other people as the gift. I just didn't see it that way. And a light went on, and that changed my life, and that was another gift.
And my life since that time has been very, very powerful. But for the first 12 years of Alcoholics Anonymous, what I did was
I-12 stepped people. I got sober. I wanted to get people sober, but I was still fighting things and having problems. And I was 10 years sober and married three years. And one of the guys I sponsored fired me because I was trying to help him with his marriage and he didn't think I was doing very well in mine. And he was right because I didn't know how to be a husband. I was still self-serving. I wanted her to be my, you know, Pixie dog. I didn't know how to, I didn't know how to be a husband. And, and I, and I realized I didn't know, I just didn't know any of those things. And so I'm just doing these 12
and what I did was I felt like I've done all this work. I've been going through all the process. I'd have every job in AA you could at that point up through DCM and chairing conferences and this. And, and I got burned out and I decided I need some more me time. And, and I was hearing about people dealing with issues and stuff like that. And so, and we didn't talk about that, my Home group or my sponsor. And I thought maybe they weren't as enlightened to some of the California people out out here where so I, I decided I would try some of that. And I, and I, and I, by the time I was 15 years sober, I was in a hotel room,
Los Angeles, getting ready to put a bullet in my brain. And I cried out to God one more time,
and the only thing that came back to me was little in her voice that said Gotomeeting every day this week. So the first meeting I went to in Palm Springs at night, a guy named Tom Whalen was speaking. He talked about how he'd reached the bottom and gone through a dry spell when he's about 20 years sober. And the next day there was a guy named Cliff. And he said the same thing. And there were six days in a row where old timers, and I haven't heard many of them say this since then. Everyone of them got up and talked about they'd gone through something I was going through. And
that kept me from put a bolt in my brain and I started over and my old sponsor who's got 52 years now, I hadn't been talking to him out of pride. I didn't want to call him and tell him I'd been messing up. So I got a new sponsor as a guy, I was playing tennis with John Holmes and Bob knows him and he's a good guy and and he's a very pragmatic guy. And he said, you're in a spiritual wasteland. And I started over and he said, but you need to learn all the principles this time. Now I had learned we've there are three sections of the triangle and I had learned one of them. I knew how to get sober and I knew how to tell you how to get sober and take you to the meetings and all that stuff. But what I didn't know was how to practice the principles
and their whole bunch of it took 28 years to develop The three legacies and the traditions are the legacy. I'm just going to go these real quickly that take 5 minutes to do it. Then I'm going to close with two stories. But
this I did not know, and I didn't know how to practice these until I started looking at them. I was paying attention to them in the group, but not my own life.
But the traditions used the same principles we have in the steps, but they use them in the context of society. The 12 steps show me how to learn how to live with myself, how to get comfortable with me and develop this relationship with God, but to learn how to deal with other people. The traditions take the same principles, humility, unity, all of the things that we do, putting knowing that there's only one power that powers God and using them in a way where I can get along with other people. So I'm just going to share my take on these 12 traditions real quick. The first one is unity. That means we before me,
Barbara and I, you know, would have arguments and I'd want to be right. But when we put we before me, when Barbara and I have an argument now we do argue. We're not what he's found, you know, we're not, you know, hunky Dory all the time. And we've gone through financial problems in recent times. And that really brings out, you know, some colorful conversation time. Do we pay her American Express bill or the rent? You know, so and, and, and but unity, we will stop and we will pray. Now, the only reason that unity would work is if there's a power greater than me that's going to take care of the problems,
because if we agree that we're going to be in this thing together, there has to be some power that's going to take care of the details that's going to solve the problem. So Barbara and I will pray and turn it over to God and never have we gone back and argued about it again because usually it's either resolved or we forget about it or whatever took place. Tom Ivester, when my best friend was Keith Lewis. And a lot of you have heard him and knew him and and listened to him speak and he was a wonderful man. And
when we did the memorial for Keith, I organized it and
we were trying to get all three of Keith's sponsors who were Sandy Beach, our current sponsor, John Holmes and Tom Ives are there.
And Tom gave me a date that he could do it. And I got Sandy and everybody else got lined up and I called Tom to confirm the date. And Tom said, well, I'm having brain surgery scheduled that day, but let me see what I can do. And he called me back an hour later. He rescheduled his brain surgery so that he could come to Keith's memorial
and he said,
he said in his e-mail, he said we do this for the greater good
and, and that's why he's still vital in last weekend he was up and I had him do 2 sections and he was bouncing all around and he's got 52 years in the program and, and that's why he is that way. And so first is unity. We before me, but I can only do that if there's a power in the second tradition is there's only one source of power and you and I are not it. God has all power. I can't tell you how much that freed me up because when I found out how God all our power, that means I have no power, but it means you have no power. If you have no power, you can't. I don't have to be afraid.
I don't have to resent you. You're in the same boat as me. We're all together so I don't have to fear. You don't have the power to ruin my life. And I thought you did all that time.
The third is acceptance without judgment. That's really what that's about. It's the beginning of unconditional love. Allows me to listen to others. When my buddy Keith, who died of Lou Gehrig's disease, for the last two years of his life, he was getting sicker and sicker, and his behavior was strange, but we thought he had a stroke. Nobody really knew until six weeks out what he was determined. He and I were supposed to go on a trip together, and we were just like we talked on the phone six times a day. But he acted real strange with me and I was irritated at him.
This is. So I want to have a conversation, but I wanted to do it thoughtfully. Here are two pages of notes for a conversation I'm going to have with Keith on the phone because I'm irritated at him. And the first one says concern. You know, when we don't like what somebody doing, we're concerned. See, he was irritable, discontent, depressed, seem angry at me, blah, blah, blah. So what I'm doing is writing a note at him because I'm ticked off because he doesn't want to do what he already said he'd do. And I'm irritated. But I did what I'm told to do. I prayed about it. And because I prayed about it, I didn't mention it to him because
Keith is acting this way. I've known him so long. This is not Keith. And I'm so glad because if I had, I would have ruined my friendship with him and I wouldn't have been able to have the second spiritual experience I'm going to share about. I was there in the room when he died. And that's what I'm going to close on the 4th is independence has its limits. That's really what that is. We can be autonomous, but not when it affects everybody else. And and that means that if I'm going to tell everybody on a A and have a A stickers all my all over my car, it's better that I don't give somebody the finger while I'm driving down the road or where's Larry or that I'm
with a big honk if you love Bill on the parking lot of a massage parlor. And
it's better that I have a little bitty circle and triangle in there
Atlanta, because the way I act is more important than what I say. The 5th is what is my purpose in this? It's about purpose. Well, let me tell you something. When Barbara and I got married, my purpose was for her to be a good looking blonde. She's 5/8 beautiful eyes, hair and just for her to look good and us to have some good, you know, times and, and for us to go go places and do things. And I was, you know, I'm hip and I'm going to take her and I'm going to introduce her to my world and all this stuff. But that really wasn't her purpose.
Now, our purpose, which we have agreed upon through a group conscience meeting in our family, is that we agree that we will provide a safe harbor for each other in our lives. Where when we get beat up, when I have a bad day even in AA, and when I have a bad day at work, and when I have cancer or when she has asthma, or when we lose our parents or anything else, we have the safe harbor where we will protect each other. And the second thing that we do is that we pray for each other. We hold each other accountable. She's 25 years in Al Anon
and she's a past delegate and she's as active in Al Anon as I am an AA. And we have a purpose. How do you achieve a purpose if you don't know what your purpose is?
In any relationship at work or anyplace else. And if my purpose is not to be loving and help other people,
then I shouldn't be doing it.
The 6th tradition is basically about minding my own business. I have more than enough to do without straightening out other people's business. I can't tell you how much I spent time I've spent my life trying to straight everybody else and out on things I don't really know about. And when I my, my, my definition of spirituality now has to do with how efficient can I be in using the talents I have in my time and energy to be useful to others. Because when I do that, I have a gift that's called joy.
Joy is that feeling deep inside of me that cancer or Katrina, no matter what it is, God is there taking care of the details and I don't have to worry about it. That leaves me free to celebrate as one of God's kids, just to be here with you to celebrate. And I'll share you in a minute. I shouldn't be here.
7th is freedom, financial bondage. I'm the worst money manager in the world. I don't know anybody who's a writer or producer who's also a great business manager. And I finally, when I was 25 years older, went sober, went to somebody who is good and asked him if he would just help me in my financial affairs.
My sponsor who's very pragmatic, who doesn't even have, he doesn't think anything's funny, don't have a sense of humor, but he's a great guy. But he has this theory about how to live financially. He says always live on less than you make.
I've just shared with you the wisdom if you do that, you'll always have enough money.
You figure it out.
8th tradition is when do I need help? There are times I need help and I used to sponsor people and and I'd have experience on everything. Well, I don't know a lot of stuff. I was never abused as a child, so I don't sponsor outside of my experience now on one hand, on the other hand, I try and everything else to go find wisdom someplace and and just knowing what, what where to go for wisdom is enough. The 9th step is keep it simple. That's let go and let God again, seeking wise counsel on the 10th. Opinions can defeat my purpose or our purpose,
and they never help. I'm trying to make amends to my dad and I'm going and he'll say something I don't like about politics. We'll get into an argument and I want to leave.
And when's the last time you won an argument with any about politics or Iraq or abortion or immigration? We just don't win arguments. And it wastes time that I could be doing something helpful to somebody. So nobody needs my opinion about anything. It doesn't mean I don't have them, but I don't need to share them. And the 11th step
actions speak louder than anything I say. Page 83, the big book says that our actions will will say more than our words. And I was about 10 years ago. I'm sponsoring a brand new guy
and it also gives me some issue from sponsoring a brand new guy. Another Vietnam vet, his wife didn't want him to be an AA, so she was a discredit AA and she was trying to discredit me. And so unrelated to this, that was about when I had my first cell phone. I go in and I go into cell phone office because I bought the cell phone and the cell phone didn't work. It was defective. And because it was defective, it kept dropping calls. And this is before packages. So I had to pay for 10 calls instead of one call. So I go into the office and I talk to this woman at the cell phone place and I said, look,
my cell phone doesn't work. I explained it. I thought I understood, I thought she'd understand it and she didn't seem to understand it. And I go into theory sometimes if you don't understand what I say, you're hard of hearing. So. So I explain it again louder. And so that should be the end of it. Finally the manager came out, solved the problem. I should have asked for the manager in the 1st place, but you know, didn't think straight up. And, and so about a week later, I'm having lunch with my new pigeon and he said, by the way, did you go into a cell phone store recently? I said, yeah, fine.
When my wife worked next to the woman that you talked to and she said that you made the lady cry. Now, I didn't make the lady cry. That guy is still sober. I'm friends with his wife now. But I did have to go make amends. And when I learned from that was there is no place on earth, no matter how secluded it is, that I can go where my actions shouldn't be, something I'd be proud to to show to a newcomer.
I should act the way I expect the newcomer to act.
Now, that's a high standard. I can't always do that, but it gives me something to shoot for. It gives me some, some way to equate the way that I should live. The 12th step is about giving credit. I mean, 12 traditions about giving credit where credit's due,
and that's to a A and to the one who has all power. That's why we don't have buildings with our names on them like they do in churches. We know each other and we honor each other for the work that we do. But God has all power and we're just here lucky enough to, to be part of it. And, and, and just learning those. There's, there's much, much more, but there are three sides. And all I want to do is provoke you to go think about the fact that there's more than when when we're practicing these principles
years when Bill wrote that he had no idea even what he was going to be able to share when he wrote the 12:00 and 12:00 when he wrote his article on emotional sobriety 1958. Everything that he wrote out of need was because of his own personal need. He was getting tired of being a horses ass, you know, and feeling like he and and having the feelings he was having after he been in the program for a long time. When he started talking about emotional sobriety and a a was in crisis, almost going to pieces when he wrote the 12 traditions. But beyond the need, the what they gave to us in the fellowship, they gave me Dick Anderson
list of things that I can use so that I can live so that even though you know, and I know that underneath I can, you know, I'm I've still got the old me sitting around in there. There are people that think I'm a really nice, respectable or, as we say in the South, bonafide person. And and because they don't get to see the the horses behind in all of that. Now,
because I had discovered the power in all of this, we deal with life on life's terms. Now I'm going to share the real benefits of the power of this program.
In 2005, the first thing that happened, my wife and I were not able to have children and,
and we had an 18 year old elkhound named Booger Bear who had gone to at least two or three hundred conferences with him from about 30 different states. And, and we loved him and he was like our child. And we put him to sleep and I buried him out back where I live on a lake. And we thought that was the worst thing that can happen. Within just a few weeks, my mom's, I mean my wife's mom and dad died within a week of each other unexpectedly. And we were their caretakers, one of them in Alzheimer's and the other one was failing in health. We had them in assisted living and we were
takers. So they were more like children. And it was a tremendously powerful experience. And we look back now through God's eyes, their bodies were failing and they were ready to go. And a couple months later, my mom died. But right after we walked out of Toronto, and I've been, that was my sixth international and I love going to them. After we walked out of Toronto, I was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. And if any of you know anything about esophageal cancer, they don't even have a ribbon for it.
It's twice as fatal as pancreatic cancer, which everybody thinks is the most fatal. It's an over 99% of the people who have esophageal cancer are dead within four months,
but over 99% of the people are not members of Alcoholics Anonymous and having access to power that their Heavenly Father can give them if they ask for it. And so because my wifes parents had died
I couldn't tell her. And because you don't gossip, I couldn't tell you.
So here's who knew My sponsor, My sister who's in medicine.
One person who used my minds come blank. Used to work at GSO who knew a lot of the medical things. Woman lives down in Houston now.
And my prayer partner, Keith Lewis, another guy I played with, Ed Mudum and that was it. And they were praying for me and,
and, and so I found the treatment center. The one place in the world that had developed a technique where they had some success with it was out at USC and Los Angeles,
a doctor named Demeester and was lining up to go out there. They gave me two or three weeks to get the surgery done where they take 2/3 of your stomach out, take everything in your chest out, take the stomach material, make a tube, reinvent your upper digestive system. You're on a feeding tube for about a year, have about 30 operations, but you live. And so I was going to go out there and I was supposed to speak that Saturday night in Key West and I got a phone call from and they said we cannot take your insurance,
but if you'll put up about a half $1,000,000 in escrow, we can do the thing. And I didn't have half $1,000,000.
And
with all of the connection that I had, I went back to even worse than before. I got to Alcoholics because. But I thought once again, those feelings that God rejected me, I'm going to die because I don't have the right insurance. But here's the trick to getting the gift. I was asking God to help me with my will. I had picked up the hospital, I'd picked out the doctor. I'd picked out the right place. My job is to ask God for his will,
so I couldn't even pray. And a friend of mine down there, I couldn't. I start praying. I'd wander all over the place and I'd be angry, cursing God out.
And he just said, say whatever prayer you can remember. And I, and I remembered the 23rd Psalm from when I was a kid, and I started saying it over and over. The Lord as my shepherd, I shall not want. And there's some great lines on it. Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. And I had used that in Vietnam. And I just said that over and over and over. And right before I got up to speak Saturday night,
I just had this vision of my sponsor, Jack Sullivan, who had six malignant brain tumors that just walked out of the office. I talked to him that day,
the doctor's office, and he said, and he said he didn't really have any fear. And I said, Jack, you don't seem to have any fear. And he said, if God has been this good to me here, just imagine what he's got waiting for me on the other side.
And the big book says we will lose our fear of today, tomorrow and the hereafter.
And Ed said, you can't threaten me with paradise.
So if the worst that can happen to me is I'm going to go to this place where I don't have to wait in line to get my room because in paradise, it'll be ready for me when I walk in. If the worst that can happen to me is that that I'm going to paradise, what am I afraid of? And so I relaxed. I got up and talked and I said, I don't know where I'm going to be here, but I'm OK. And I went back on Monday. I got a phone call from USC
and and, you know, I'm the guy I always like all the Frank Capra movies where the Sunshine Zoo, you know, And so I'm thinking they're going to say, hey,
you know, we understand, you prayed, now you can come. But that's not what they said.
They said we still can't take your insurance. But our chief of surgery just went to a place called strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester, NY. And so they said, why don't you call him? Well, I can't even get my primary care provider to call me back. So I but I do call the, the chief surgeon at at at University of Rochester and he called me back in an hour and he said, I don't care about your insurance. I'm trying to teach people this. This is a very rare cancer and trying to teach people this procedure. Come on up and we'll take care of you. And because we had friends and been
a when we got up there and we got to the hotel, there were 30 people there. We had a new Home group and a new alumni Home group
and they took care of Barbara the whole time we were there. They did our laundry. They got her out of the room so that because you know, you can be sometimes grumpy when you're in the hospital. And they got her out of the room and took care of her. And we went to their group that night. The next day we go to the hospital. We walk into that hospital. Now I'm, I had all my arrangements out at USC. Is this the right place? We walk into the hospital, we go into the Chapel to say a prayer to make sure we're in the right place. And they're on the wall 30 feet deep. In letters that are foot and half deep in gold, it says,
the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
And we walk out into the lobby to see where it is that we've come to, where God has taken us. And it's Strong Memorial Hospital, endowed by the family of Doctor Leonard Strong, who was Bill Wilson's brother-in-law.
Without him, we wouldn't have the Fellowship and I wouldn't have been here the first time.
Now I'm pretty good at drama,
but God is the best
and he worked out all the details. I didn't take care of the details. Only two things I had to do to get well was breathe through that little thing that hurts when you're breathing through it and walk. And I was walking two miles a day. By the third day I was at ICU and that's all I had to do. That was my contribution to me getting well. I had 30 operations. I was on a feeding tube for a long time. That's that's all I did was those things. And
so if if you
if you didn't think you'd been given a gift when you came into this program,
think again. I'm going to close now by talking about my friend Keith Lewis, because Keith, more than anybody that I know, wanted to be close to God, wanted to, to love God. His favorite word was,
and a lot of people misunderstood what was happening, including me that last two years, the note that I wrote him. So people were angry with him. He was getting irritated. He was acting strange at conferences and we didn't know what was wrong with him
and people stopped going to see him
and so I went down but I didn't. I went down to see him six weeks before he died and I spent a week with him and here's what Keith would do. Keith was down to about £120 at that time. He was like a stick man.
People with Lou Gehrig's disease lose their ability to control things. He was walking around in a shuffle. When he talked, you couldn't understand what he was saying very much. But here's what he was doing with that limited capacity. And he had dementia. He got up in the morning because this he had learned how to do God's will. He got up in the morning, he went to Chapel and he prayed for you for an hour.
Then he came back and he made
those rosary beads that he talked about in his talk that he made.
He may have been Marine Corps colors, Army colors, Navy and Air Force and made hundreds of them and they were sent over to Iraq to give to the troops.
Then he would go to the Chapel again and pray for an hour and then he would go to Walmart because that's only place he knew how to get to. And they had a special each day at Subway. And he would eat lunch and then he would come back and he would pray again in the afternoon and he would make rosary beads and then his wife would have dinner with him. And he go to meeting
with a totally disabling disease. He was praying for people 4 hours a day. And I asked him who he was, what he was praying for. And he said, I'm praying for the new. He couldn't hardly talk. And he said I'm praying for the newcomer in AA. And then he knew people who were sick and people he would hear about things, Nene. And that's what he was doing with that kind of disease. And if you love God that much and you believe that if you're doing what God asked you to do, you're going to be OK. You really are going to be OK. So the night that Keith left us, I was in the room with him.
Sandy was there
and John was there. Dumb. Denny the brother was there. His sister Patty was there. Every character from Keith's story was there,
and Keith was Catholic. I'm not
and it was 11/30 and everybody was worn out. We've been up for three days straight
and everybody left around 11:30. Julia asked me if I would stay,
and there was a eucharistic minister who was in doing reading. If you're Catholic, you know what they do. But anyway, it was very soothing. And I was holding a crucifix that had belonged to Mother Teresa, this beautiful mahogany crucifix in one hand and Holden Keith's hand in the other, and Julia, his wife, who had hadn't been able to sleep for three days.
Somewhere about 5 minutes after the rest of them left, this tremendous piece came into that room
and at first it was just peace and it started building so that we were just so filled with joy that we were actually giggling. We were laughing. And Julia got up and walked around and laid down next to her husband and I was holding his hand and we knew exactly when he took his last breath because his body was through. But I have never felt Keith's presence so much after his body stopped working as I did. That room was filled with so much joy
because the God that got us sober, that loves us,
was taking one of his most beloved home with him. These are the words that I wrote for his OBED. After that, in a room filled with peace and those who loved him, Keith Lewis gently fell asleep at 12:30 AM Monday, November 15th, 2007 to awaken to the paradise promised by the God he loved so much. His wife, Julia was cuddled next to her loving husband. His family and friends prayed him into this new journey. The sense of joy in the room was unexplainable unless you knew Keith. God certainly loves his children,
that is God gifts. God loves you, He loves me. The best is yet to come and I wish you a wonderful journey.