The Overeaters Anonymous Region Ten Convention
Good
morning
everyone.
This
is
a
backup
to
Basics
Big
book
meeting
and
we'll
start
with
a
call.
Hi,
my
name
is
Carl.
I'm
a
compulsive
overeater.
Startled
1
Back
to
basics
Big
book.
OK,
My
my
background
for
is
I
came
into
our
way
almost
14
years
ago,
13
years
and
10
months
and
I
was
I
made
a
commitment
to
abstinence
at
that
first
meeting
and
I
have
been
abstinent
since.
Having
said
that,
around
about
nine
months
into
my
recovery,
I
was
probably
like
a
lot
of
people,
I
was
going
to
meetings
and
I
was
reading
the,
the,
the
literature
and
I
was
thinking
about
doing
the
steps
and
thinking
and
thinking,
which
Step
4
format
will
I
do
when
I
get
to
step
four?
What
about
step
9?
That's
going,
you
know,
all
this
sort
of
thinking
about
it
stuff.
I
was
fortunate
enough
to
be
visiting
around
about
then
some
friends
in
Melbourne,
one
of
whom
came
had
a
long,
many,
many
years
of
relief
from
her
addiction
in
another
program,
another
one
who
was
in
an
OA
also
and
as
as
I
was.
And
they
started
asking
me,
OK,
how's
your
program
going?
What
are
you
doing?
What
are
you
doing
with
the
steps?
You
know,
where
are
you
with
your
steps?
And
I
saw,
you
know,
I
practice
the
steps
on
a
daily
basis.
And
I
looked
at
me
and
went,
yeah,
yeah,
but
what
step
are
you
up
to?
Oh,
you
know,
I
do.
And
they
just
looked
at
me
and
said,
bullshit,
you
don't
know
what
you're
talking
about.
And
they
really
started
questioning
me,
really
started
getting
into
it.
And
it
was
very
clear
that
while
I
thought
I
knew
about
the
program
because
I
actually
had
been
involved
with
another
12
step
program
many
years
before,
it
was
very
clear
that
I
did
not
know
the
program.
I
did
not
know
exactly
how
to
do
the
steps.
And
they
said,
all
right,
you
need
to
know
in
the
week
you're
here,
go
and
buy
yourself
a
big
book.
We
start
tomorrow
morning
and
they
started
working
me
right
through
from
the
very
front,
front
page
of
the
big
book
and
threw
it.
And
they
said
by
the
time
you
leave
here
in
a
week's
time,
you've
got
to
be
ready
to
do
your
Step
4.
So
we
work
through
the
all
of
the
early
stuff
in
the
big
book.
They
explain
what
it
meant.
And
a
lot
of
the
time
I've
got
to
say
was
was
them
fighting
and
arguing
with
my
disease.
Oh,
but
I
can
sometimes
control
the
food,
you
know,
Sometimes
I
can.
No,
that's
not
the
problem.
It's
not
that
you
can
sometimes
control
the
food,
it's
that
sometimes
you
can't,
Albertina.
And
because
nine
months,
the
first
flush
of
the
program
was
kind
of
wearing
off
and
I
was
getting
back
into
my
disease
thinking.
So
they,
with
a
great
deal
of
perseverance
and
some
very
late
nights,
managed
to
get
me
to
the
point
where
when
I
got
on
the
plane
in
Melbourne
to
fly
back
to
Sydney,
I
had
my
exercise
books
ready,
ruled
up,
ready
to
do
my
Step
4,
which
I
did
on
the
plane.
Having
been
around
the
program
for
a
little
while,
I
also
couldn't
believe
that
a
step
forward
would
be
written
in
a
flight
from
Sydney
to
Melbourne.
That
was
a
standard
flight
with
no
detours
to
New
York,
but
the
majority
of
it
was
written.
I
mucked
around
for
another
couple
of
weeks
just
I
guess
finishing
it
off
and
then
shortly
after
that
I
did
my
step
five
with
a
a,
my
then
sponsor
in
Sydney.
These
were
not
the
people
who
were
sponsoring
me
through
the
big
book
who
were
in
Melbourne.
That
step
five
took
a
long
time.
I
had
a
lot
of
stuff
to
work
through,
to
talk
through.
It
took
a
lot
of
Saturday
mornings.
By
the
time
I
caught
up
with
my
friends
again
some
months
later,
they
had
a
distinct
feeling
that
I
was
again
starting
to
maybe
lose
track
of
it.
And
so
I
redid
that
step
five
in
one
evening
and
the
next
morning
with
one
of
those
two
people.
The
first
step
five
was
incredibly
gentle
and
incredibly
patient.
The
second
step
five
with
this
mob
was
ruthless,
brutal,
and
cut
right
through
a
lot
of
my
nonsense
and
it
was
humiliating
and
painful
and
incredibly
unpleasant.
There
was
nothing
pleasant
about
it
because
what
they
were
saying
is
it's
not
your
good
points
that
are
getting
you
into
the
food.
It's
your
defects.
Your
defects
are
the
problem.
I
don't
want
to
hear
how
good
you
are
at
this
and
that
and
how
nice
you
are
and
all
that.
That's
not
what's
causing
you
your
problems.
So
it
was
right
down
to
it.
OK,
so
then
after
that
got
got
on,
got
my
step
9
done
on
into
my
10:11
and
12:00
which
I
was
having
to
do
as
soon
as
I
had
finished
my
step
5/10,
11:00
and
12:00
then
take
over.
What's
this
all
about
from
my
viewpoint
is
about
the
timing
of
steps
of
doing
the
steps.
And
the
thing
I
learnt
from
those
people,
the
thing
I
learnt
from
myself
for
my
own
experience,
is
I
truly
don't
believe
you
can
do
the
steps
too
quickly,
but
I
sure
should
believe
you
can
do
them
too
slowly.
And
the
point
being,
we
get
stuck,
we
procrastinate,
we
lose
that
impetus.
We
get
stuck
on
one
step.
We
forget
what
was
went,
went
before
it.
We
regress.
If
I
don't
do
the
steps
really
well
the
first
time,
then
I'll
go
back
and
do
them
again
and
again
and
again.
I've
had
sponsors
say
to
me
and
voice
the
very
fear
that
was
slowing
me
down
in
my
recovery.
The
fear.
What
if
I
get
through
them
all
and
I
don't
get
abstinence,
I
don't
get
recovery.
That
was
the
fear
that
held
me
back.
The
program
was
my
last
hope.
What
if
I
got
to
the
end
of
it
and
there
was
nothing?
Then
there
would
be
nothing.
My
life
would
be
pointless.
So
this
was
underneath
my
procrastination.
And
the
point
is,
the
longer
you
procrastinate,
the
less
like
you
do
them
anyway.
So
the
end
result,
the
very
thing
you
fear,
is
the
most
likely
thing
to
happen.
There
is
no
recovery,
there
is
no
relief,
there
is
no
solution.
And
and
that's
why
when
people
say
to
me,
but
what
if
I
get
to
the
end
and
I
say,
well,
we'll
go
through
them
again
and
again
and
again
till
you
get
absent.
The
I've
heard
people,
unfortunately,
I've
heard
stories
about
people
doing
one
step
a
year.
And
that
truly
tears
my
heart
out.
If
the
promises
for
the
relief
from
the
food
come
in
step
10,
why
would
I
stain
this
disease
for
10
years
before
I
get
to
the
promise
of
relief
that
is
there
in
step
10?
You
know
what
it
says
draw
away
as
from
a
hot
flame
It
talks
about.
That's
the
first
time
in
the
steps
where
mention
of
the
relief
comes.
The
Step
9
promises
are
about
improvement
to
my
life.
The
Step
10
promises
are
about
relief
from
the
addiction.
So
I've
got
to
get
to
Step
10
to
have
that
relief.
OK,
some
of
us
might
get
it
way
back
in
step
one,
but
not
all
of
us
do.
I
look
at
the
big
book
and
I
look
because
when
what
I
came
away
with
from
the
way
I
was
taken
through
the
big
book
was
an
incredible
kind
of
seal
an
incredible.
I
want
to
reconnect
with
the
energy
these
people
had
when
they
set
this
program
up,
when
they
wrote
this
book.
I
want
to
get
back
to
that.
So
I
really
looked
for
the
and
felt
that
urgency.
You
know,
they
were
getting
drunks
off
the
street
in
the
hospital.
They
were
having
them
through
their
steps
in
a
day,
you
know,
they
were
getting
them
down,
they
were
getting
it
done
and
they
were
getting
on
with
the
show.
And
that
to
me
in
the
figures,
the
stats
in
the
early
part
of
the
big
book,
the
statistics
of
recovery
show
that
their
method
worked,
not
my
modified
method
50-60
years
later
of
how
I
change
it
and
modify
it.
That
is
for
me,
the
message,
the
way
to
do
it
is
there
and
it's
very
clear
and
it's
well
speed
out.
A
a
member
in
the
previous
meeting
was
talking
about
in
their
early
days
there
was
only
the
a,
a
literature.
So
of
course
we
wanted
literature
OA
literature
that
related
to
our
disease.
So
it
was
written
as
an
add-on,
not
as
a
replacement.
But
of
course,
what's
happened
over
time,
people
don't
get
get
back
to
the
detail
of
the
steps
and
how
they
are.
We're
doing
the
add-on.
Well
AOA
wasn't
going
to
waste
space
rewriting
all
this
and
just
change
the
word
to
over
eater.
They
stay
assumed
that
we
would
be
using
this
and
that
the
the
the
steps
and
traditions
were
to
help
us
know
our
way
through
this.
And
that's
another
area
where
I
think
that
the
message
can
get
lost.
Every
time
the
message
gets
changed,
gets
altered,
no
matter
for
what
good
intention.
It's
like
a
tracing
of
a
tracing
of
a
tracing.
It
gets
blurred.
The
fineness
is
lost,
the
detail
is
lost.
So
for
me,
back
to
basics
is
right
back
to
what
does
it
tell
me
to
do
there?
The
people
who
took
me
through
said
you
can't
do
step
one.
When
people
say
they're
doing
step
one,
what
are
you
talking
about?
You
can't
do
step
one.
I
pondered
on
that.
Step
one
is
a
statement
of
my
being.
I
am,
and
I'm
a
nugget.
I
am
an
overeater
and
my
life's
a
mess.
What
am
I
gonna
do?
Am
I
gonna
keep
eating
to
keep
proving
that
I'm
an
overeater
and
that
my
life's
buggered?
No.
It's
a
statement
of
being.
There's
nothing
I
can
do
there.
It's
the
surrender.
That's
it.
That's
all
I
can
do
is
surrender.
2
and
three,
Tell
me
if
I
lack
this
power,
I'm
gonna
have
to
find
the
power
somewhere
else.
Another
statement.
There's
nowhere
to
go.
Nothing
to
do
except
that
acceptance
of
wealth.
If
I'm
powerless,
I've
gotta
accept
that
somebody
else
might
have
the
power
that
I
don't
have.
Which
takes
us
straight
into
the
Step
3
surrender
and
straight
into
the
Step
4
action.
So
I
said
I
got
most
of
mine
done
on
the
plane.
The
people
in
Melbourne
very
clearly
told
me
keep
it
brief,
we
don't
want
to
be
bored
with
yourself.
Indulgence.
Did
I
say
they
were
a
bit
tough?
OK,
And
that's
a
very
good
point.
I
can
use
my
journal
writing
for
all
my
angsty
and
all
my
feelings,
but
my
Step
4
is
down.
If
you
we
look
at
how
it's
put
in
in
the
big
book,
we
see
the
first
half
of
the
step
four
in
those
little
column
drawings
and
they
are
very,
very
brief
entries,
major
events
in
my
life,
very
brief
entries.
I
don't
have
to
go
on
and
on
and
on
about
it.
And
you
all
know
there's
the
little
columns
and
there's
each
entry.
There
are
only
a
few
words
in
each
and
then
the
other
side
of
the
the
column
of
what
was
my
part
in
it.
OK,
so
that
shouldn't
take
long.
Write
it
down,
get
it
done.
Step
five,
it
very
clearly
says
get
on
only
delay
if
there
is
a
good
reason,
because
there
is
no
suitable
person
available.
The
only
reason
for
delaying
the
step
five
only
if
there
is
no
suitable
person
available.
I
think
most
of
us
could
rightly
claim
that
we
do
have
people
available,
but
that's
not
an
option
for
delay.
Six
and
seven
follow
immediately
after
it.
At
the
centre
step
five,
it
tells
me
to
go
home
and
spend
an
hour
going
over
what
I've
done
and
make
sure
that
it's
all
in
place.
And
that
leads
me
straight
into
steps
6:00
and
7:00.
So
step
six
and
seven,
surrender
of
my
defects
is
straight
after
five.
And
the
thing
that
I've
found
is
that
the
longer
I
am
away
from
my
step
4-5,
the
less
bad
those
defects
seem
to
appear.
In
fact,
they
kind
of
disappear.
In
fact,
I
don't
have
like
any
amends
because
really
I
was
in
the
right
anyway.
The
beauty
of
following
straight
into
that
path
is
it
is
when
I
am
conscious
of
the
pain
and
the
humiliation
of
my
behavior
is
when
I
want
to
humbly
go
to
God
and
apologize,
ask
for
forgiveness
and
ask
for
guidance
and
direction
while
the
pain
is
on.
As
soon
as
I've
done
my
inventory,
I
need
to
be
practicing
step
10
because
it
tells
me
every
time
the
defects
of
selfishness,
self
centeredness,
self
pity,
dishonesty
or
fear
arise,
I
should
be
going
through
that
process,
writing
them
down,
handing
them
over
to
somebody
else,
making
my
amends.
So
step
10
kicks
in,
doesn't
wait
way
down
the
track.
Months
and
months
and
months
and
years
after
I've
done
all
my
immense
Step
10
comes
in
straight
away.
As
soon
as
I
finished
my
511
and
12
straight
in,
straight
in
after
my
my
my
step
five,
my
sponsors
took
me
straight
into
that
and
explained
how
step
11
work
and
the
step,
step
12
strenuous
work
one
with
another.
OK,
To
me,
the
whole
message
was
one
of
urgency,
of
one
of
speed,
that
it
was
incredibly
important
to
get
through
it
and
get
through
it,
not
thoroughly,
but
quickly.
Always
go
back
and
do
it
again
and
again
and
again
and
that
to
me
the
the
reinvention
of
my
program
that
keeps
me
fresh
is
going
back
with
it
with
that
message
of
how
to
interpret
the
big
book
with
sponsors
each
time.
And
I
just
want
to
close
by
saying
that
I
heard
at
when
I
was
in
Albuquerque
several
years
ago
at
one
of
the
meetings
there
at
World
Service,
a
member
with
30
or
40
years
recovery
saying
the
problem
is
when
people
come
first
come
into
the
program
and
we're
in
pain
and
we're
humiliated
and
we're
upset,
we
get
the
fellowship
and
we
start
to
feel
better.
What
we
need
is
the
program
to
be
taken
straight
into
it.
And
I
would
say
as
a
closing
and
perhaps
provocative
comment,
if
you
are
being
held
back
in
your
recovery,
if
your
sponsor
is
holding
you
back,
get
another
sponsor.
If
I
am
not
available
enough
to
hear
you
through
your
step
4-5,
get
another
sponsor
because
the
urgency
is
the
death
that
I
face
in
this
disease.
If
I
go
back
and
conclude.
Thank
you.
Hi,
I
forgot
to
introduce
myself.
I'm
listen,
I'm
a
compulsive
over
eater
and
now
I
have
Susan.
Hi
everyone,
I'm
Susan.
I'm
a
compulsive
overeater.
And
thank
you,
Cole
for
that.
Starting
us
off.
I
thought
I
might
just
share
my
experience
of
using
the
big
book
in
my
recovery
and
the
fact
that
for
the
first
many
years
I've
been
in
OA
almost
19
years,
didn't
know
a
lot
about
the
big
Book
study.
I
knew
about
the
big
Book.
In
fact,
I've
written
on
here.
I
bought
the
big
book
in
1990.
And
I
know
that
when
I
first
picked
it
up,
I
thought,
oh,
Gee,
you
know,
it's
all
a
bit,
the
language
is
a
bit
old.
You
know,
I'm
not
sure
if
I
relate
to
this
and
all
this
sort
of
stuff.
And
I'm,
I'm
sure
other
people
can
relate
to
that
feeling
of
first
picking
it
up.
And
I'm
not
trying
to
put
a
negative
spin
on
it.
I'm
just
sort
of
saying
it
was.
I
didn't
really
understand
the
significance
of
the
big
Book.
And
so
I
first
did
a
book,
big
book
study
probably
about
five
years
ago.
So,
so
that's
14
years
into
recovery.
So
I'm
glad
that
I
was
around
people
who
were
offering
a
workshop
on
the
Big
Book.
And
I,
I
did
that,
but
I
didn't
actually
do
all
the
steps
whilst
I
was
doing
that
workshop.
But
I
did
get
an
understanding
of
how
the
Big
Book
study
worked.
And,
and
then
a
couple
of
years
later,
I
decided
it's
time
for
me
to
do
it
one-on-one
with
somebody
to
do
it,
you
know,
properly.
And
just
going
back
a
little
bit
in
my
recovery
in
away,
I've
told
this
to
many
times
that
I
have
a,
a
long
history
of
abstinence
and
relapse.
And
the
reason
for
that
for
me
was
I,
I'd
get
up
to
step
five.
I've
done
quite
a
few
step
fours
and
fives,
but
I
was
actually
terrified
of
step
9.
So
I
never
went
any
further.
And
it
just
took
me
a
long
time.
I
had
to
be
brought
to
my
knees,
wake
up
one
day
and
just
said,
oh,
God,
something's
got
to
change.
Another
relationship
had
ended,
was
just
like,
you
know,
what's
what's
going
on
in
my
life?
I'm
eating
again.
Something's
got
to
change.
And
you
know,
the
light
bulb
went
on
and
it
said
you
actually
have
to
do
12
steps,
not
five
or
two
or
three
or,
you
know
the
program.
And
as
Paul
said,
the
promises
come
later
on
and
the
promises
come
as
a
result
of
the
of
courage
to
do
steps
4:00
to
9:00.
So
I,
I
got
a
sponsor
and,
and
I
did
the
big
boot
study
with
that
sponsor,
did
12
steps,
not
four
or
five
in
five
months.
I
did
it
quickly
because
I'd
been
in
OA
for
15
years.
I
know
all
the
jargon.
You
know,
I
didn't
have
to
be
taught
all
that
stuff.
Just
had
to
get
down
and
do
the
nitty
gritty
and
do,
do
the
12
steps.
And
I'm
so
glad
that
I
did.
That
was
3
1/2
years
ago.
So
I
was
when
we
were
thinking
about
talking
about
the
big
book,
I
was
just
drawn
to
the
chapter
called
We
Agnostics.
At
this
stage
in
my
recovery,
having
done
the
steps,
I'm
really
looking
at
deepening
my
spiritual,
spiritual
side
of
my
program.
And
this
chapter
particularly
emphasises
that
it
is
a
spiritual
program
and
a
lot
of
the
extracts
from
this
chapter
are
talking
about
power
and
lack
of
power
and
needing
a
power
greater
than
myself.
And
I
also
looked
up
what
does
the
word
agnostic
mean?
The
word
agnostic
is
one
who
holds
that
nothing
is
known
of
the
existence
of
God
beyond
anything
material.
And
I
can't
speak
for
everyone,
but
I've
been
through
periods
in
my
life
where
I
have
had
sort
of
a
spiritual
life
and
then
other
times
where
it's
like,
you
know,
the
material
world
was
much
more
interesting
and
much
more
fun
and
there
was
no
God.
But
I
have
to
say
I've
always
believed
deep
down
there
is
a
God,
but
not
my
behaviour
would
not
have
shown
that
I
believed
there
was
a
spiritual
aspect
to
myself.
But
coming
into
OA
has
opened
that
side
of
Maine.
I
have
to
say
I
have
been
searching
for
a
spiritual
energy
in
my
life.
And
this
gave
me
the
opportunity.
And
every
time
someone
tells
me,
look,
it's
not
that
you
have
to
control
the
food.
This
is
a
spiritual
program
where
you
say,
I
always
go,
oh,
good.
You
know,
it's
not
I
don't
have
to
be
in
charge.
It's
not
me
that
has
to
do
it.
And
it's
not
me
who's
good
and
it's
not
me
who's
bad,
whether
I'm
eating
the
right
foods
or
the
wrong
foods,
because
I
was
put
on
my
first
diet
when
I
was
seven
years
old.
And
I
had
a
list
of
good
foods
and
bad
foods.
And
you,
you
eat
these
and
you
don't
eat
those.
And,
and
I'm
good
if
I'm
eating
these
and
I'm
bad
if
I'm
eating
those.
And
that's
not,
that's
not
what
it's
about,
is
it?
It's,
it's
about
bringing
that
spiritual
side
into
my
life.
And
it
says
here,
lack
of
power.
That
was
our
dilemma.
Because,
you
know,
I
think
human
beings
do
have
an
inherent
goodness
in
them.
We
all
have
goodness
in
US
and
we
all
wish
to
be
better.
And
we
would
wish
that
we
didn't
do
the
things
that
we
do
with
food,
which
encompassed
lying
and
cheating
and
isolating
from
our
friends.
We
would
wish
that
we
can't
do
that.
We
we
don't
have
the
power
to
change
it.
So
it
says
lack
of
power.
That
was
our
dilemma.
We
had
to
find
a
power
by
which
we
could
live.
So
obviously
it
had
to
be
a
power
greater
than
ourselves.
But
where
were
we
to
find
this
power?
And
it
says,
see,
that's
exactly
what
this
book
is
about.
So
it's
like
it's
all
here.
It's
all
here
in
black
and
white
and
recovery
is
guaranteed
in
this
book.
You
actually
find
words
in
this
book
that
says
if
you
do
this
you
will
get
well,
which
is
very
comforting
as
well.
So
this
chapter
goes
on
and
explores
all
the
reasons
some
of
us
might
come
up
with
as
to
why
there
is
no
God
or
why
I
wouldn't
want
to
follow
any
sort
of
religious
or
spiritual
path.
You
know,
we,
you
know,
can
make
all
sorts
of
critical
judgments
of
people
and,
and
it
says
we
talked
of
intolerance,
but
we
were
being
intolerant
ourselves.
You
know,
we,
we
claim
other
people
are,
are
saying
one
thing
and
doing
another.
But,
you
know,
look
at
my
side
of
the
street.
So,
yeah,
the
chapter
lets
us
explore,
you
know,
what's
what
is
my
thinking
around
it?
And
is
that
a
bit
skewed
really?
It
gets
us
to
face
what
what's
my
life
like
at
the
moment?
And
here's
a
really
good
summary.
Before
abstinence,
we
were
having
trouble
with
personal
relationships.
We
couldn't
control
our
emotional
natures.
We
were
a
prey
to
misery
and
depression,
that's
for
sure.
When
I'm
not
not
abstinent,
it's
just
misery.
We
couldn't
make
a
living.
We
had
a
feeling
of
uselessness,
full
of
fear.
We
were
unhappy.
We
couldn't
seem
to
be
of
any
real
help
to
anybody.
Because
when
I'm
in
the
food,
I'm
so
focused
on
myself.
How
am
I
ever
going
to
be
able
to
be
of
use
to
another
human
being?
So
that
we
saw
and
other
people
see
other
people's
experience
in
OA
and
the
miracle
of
recovery
is
evidence
of
some
power
of
work.
It's
just
clear
evidence
that
there
must
be
something
greater
than
ourselves
at
work.
So
we
saw
others
solve
their
problems
by
simple
reliance
on
the
spirit
of
the
universe.
We
had
to
stop
doubting
the
power
of
God.
Our
ideas
didn't
work.
The
God
idea
did,
and
something
that
Yev
really
always
struck
home
with
me.
A
again,
when
we're
still
struggling
and
fighting
the
idea
of
a
spiritual
force
in
our
lives,
it
says
here,
actually
we
were
fooling
ourselves.
For
deep
down
in
every
man,
woman
and
child
is
the
fundamental
idea
of
God.
It
may
be
obscured
by
calamity,
but
it's
there.
And
I
realise
I've
always
believed
that.
And
that
just
really
struck
home.
I'm
going,
yeah,
yeah,
that's
right.
And
the
chapter
finishes
with
a
story
about
someone's
spiritual
experience.
And
there
are
different
sorts.
There's
spiritual
experiences,
there's
spiritual
awakenings.
You
don't
have
to
have.
You
know
the
big
light
bulb
moment
or
you
know
the
golden
light
coming
in
and
you're
suddenly
transformed.
For
me,
19
years,
the
journey
of
19
years
has
been
a
gradual
opening.
I
think
it's
been
a
gradual
opening
of
my
heart,
and
along
the
way
I've
had
had
little
spiritual
experiences
as
well.
On
my
birthday
a
couple
years
ago,
again,
I
mentioned
relationships
because
I
was
trying
to
find
God
in
other
people.
And
I've
had
lots
of
relationships
that
haven't
worked
because
I
didn't
find
God
in
other
people.
I
didn't
find
the
unconditional
love
from
another
person.
For
me,
unconditional
love
only
really
comes
from
God
because
us
human
beings,
you
know,
we're
not,
you
know,
totally
able
to
give
full
unconditional
love.
We
try.
And
so
yeah,
my
birthday,
another
relationship
had
ended
a
month
before
I
woke
up
and
was
talking
to
God
and
actually
reading
Bills
story
in
the
big
book
and
just
sort
of
saying
to
God,
how
do
I
love
myself?
You
know,
how
do
I
do
it
for
myself?
How
I
can
I
feel
this
love
for
myself
without
relying
on
a
human
being
to
give
it
to
me?
And
I'll
try
not
to
cry.
I
cry
every
time
I
say
this.
And
as
I
was
sitting
there,
I
felt
this
energy.
It
just
it
came.
It
actually
came
to
me.
It
was
outside
and
it
came
to
me
and
inside
me
and
I
felt
the
most
incredible
love
I've
ever
felt.
And
that
was
the
answer.
I
asked
the
question,
I
got
the
answer.
It
came
from
God.
There,
there
is
a
power.
I've
actually
felt
it.
There
is
it
is
something
that
that
I
can
touch
and
feel
and
I
was
just
filled
with
this
love
when
I
just
wow.
So
yeah,
I
have
a
personal
relationship
with
my
higher
power.
My
higher
power
is
my
best
friend.
My
higher
power
is
is
everything
and
I
get
answers
all
the
time.
So
yeah.
So
I'll
finish
with
that.
But
I've
had
some
really
wonderful
experiences
with
my
higher
power,
and
I've
had
some
really
amazing
awakenings
from
other
people
too.
You
know,
when
someone
says
something
and
you
go,
yeah,
that
was
meant
for
me.
Or
I
read
a
reading,
I
go,
yes,
that
was
meant
for
me.
That
was
from
God.
And
that
the
more
I
live
a
spiritual
life,
the
happier
I
feel
the
I
am
to
want
to
pick
up
because
why
would
I
want
to
do
that?
Because
for
me
to
eat,
it's
misery.
To
overeat
is
misery.
To
live
a
spiritual
life
is
bliss.
So
thank
you.
Thanks
very
much,
Susan.
And
now
I
hand
it
over
to
hi.
I'm
checking.
I'm
compulsive,
Ovarida.
I
thought
it
was
the
came
to
believe
meeting.
That's
all
right.
I'll
just
open
with
a
quote
from
Kane
to
believe.
We
have
found
that
the
actual
good
results
of
prayer
are
beyond
question.
They
are
matters
of
knowledge
and
experience.
All
those
who
have
persisted
have
found
strength
not
ordinarily
their
own.
They
have
found
wisdom
beyond
their
usual
capability,
and
they
have
increasingly
found
a
Peace
of
Mind
which
can
stand
firm
in
the
face
of
difficult
circumstances.
So
that's
been
my
journey
in
the
12
steps,
umm,
as
far
as
I
can
remember,
and
I
can't
remember
back
too
far,
but
I
think
I
was
born
a
compulsive
overeater.
I
was.
I
do
know
that
I
was
bulimic
for
23
years
before
coming
into
OAI.
Do
know
that
stopped
the
minute
I
worked
in,
walked
into
my
first
meeting
that
have
been
abstinent
for
over
13
years.
And
I
do
know
that
my
life
continues
to
unfold
in
ways
that
are
certainly
beyond
my
wildest
dreams.
No,
I
won't
share
with
you
my
wildest
dreams.
You
probably
don't
want
to
hear
them.
I
certainly
don't
want
to
hear
them.
But
for
me
and
my
story
in
coming
into
our
way
and
encountering
the
Big
Book
is
very
similar
to
Coles
and
meeting
up
with
people
who
were
working
the
Big
Book
and
showed
us
how
to
do
that.
So
from
the
Big
Book,
I
think
the
key
thing
that
I've
learned
is
that
working
on
my
mind
is
the
only
way
out
of
this
obsession.
It's
the
only
way
out
of
the
mental
obsession,
the
the
most
total
self
absorption,
only
way
out
of
being
in
the
food.
I
can't
change
this
physical
body,
but
I
can
change
my
mind,
my
thoughts,
my
feelings,
all
those
things
that
I
project
and
create
reality
out
of
very
quickly
that
doesn't
actually
exist.
So
a
way
to
clarity,
to
awareness,
and
certainly
to
spiritual
health
and
a
way
of
actually
changing
my
focus
from
myself
to
others
and
how
I
can
benefit
others.
And
I
remember
after
about
the
first
year
in
OA
thinking
or
first
year
of
abstinence
thinking,
well,
I've
been
looking
after
myself
pretty
well.
You
know,
my
mind's
starting
to
feel
a
bit
clear.
And
you
know,
so
I
might
be
able
to
be
of
benefit
to
others.
And
increasingly,
that
has
been
the
joy
of
this
program
for
me
is
being
able
to
pass
on
what
I
have
through
this.
So
before
I
came
to
OA,
not
surprisingly,
the
disease
pervaded
every
aspect
of
my
life.
My
physical
health,
my
work,
my
relationships,
friendships,
IT,
finances,
everything
was
in
chaos.
That's
what
got
me
here,
the
unmanageability.
I
didn't
think
I
was
powerless
over
food.
I
thought
I
could
eat
it,
throw
up
and
keep
eating
and
have
no
effect.
Well,
I
discovered
I
was
a
little
bit
deluded
a
few
years
before
I
came
into
OAI
WAS
doing
some
training
and
a
physi,
you
know,
body
awareness
training.
And
one
of
the
trainers
said
to
me,
you
have
a
body
constructed
on
fear.
At
the
beginning
of
this
year,
I
went
to
a
retreat
with
my
work
colleagues
and
we
had
one
of
those
bonding
things
you
do
every
morning
and
say
positive
things
about
each
other
anonymously
and
stick
it
up
on
the
wall.
And
so
people
put
up
things
about
me,
you
know,
all
those
nice
sort
of
patient,
quiet
doesn't
cause
a
fuss
type
of
things.
And
my
boss
put
fearless.
And
so
both
of
these
things
that
I
remember
from
before
OA
and
this
year
were,
were
like
shocks
to
me.
They
were
how
people
were
perceiving
me
that
not
necessarily
how
I
was
perceiving
myself.
But
when
I
thought
about
that
fearless,
I
thought,
well,
I've
had
a
bit
of
practice
at
that,
doing
a
few
fearless
moral
inventories,
and
I've
done
quite
a
few,
and
some
of
them
weren't
quite
as
short
as
Carl
was
suggesting
they
might
be.
I
think
I'm
bored.
A
few
sponsors
with
my
thorough
inventories
but
good.
I
need
it
to
be
so
OK,
so,
so
I
know
that
what
feels
better
for
me
today
is
the
fearlessness
rather
than
the
fear.
And
I
know
that
this
is
a
result
of
working
the
steps.
And
I
just
wanted
to
when
I
was
thinking
about
this
session
and
everyone
saying,
well,
I'm
going
to
look
at
this
chapter
and
that
chapter.
So
the
second-half
of
the
1st
164
pages
are
step
12.
And
I
guess
that's
where
over
the
past
couple
of
years
in
particular,
you
know,
I've
just,
well,
I
got
to
this
point
of,
you
know,
having
had
a
spiritual
awakening
as
a
result
of
these
steps,
I
was
starting
to
feel
pretty
good,
really.
And
I
stopped
having
any
spiritual
growth.
And
a
few
things
happened
in
my
life
to
make
me
aware
of
that.
And
so,
so
I
was
looking
at
to
the
family
afterwards
and
that
was
not
a
chapter
that
I
looked
at
at
the
beginning
when
I
first
came
into
OA
because
I
had
a
friend
whose
daughter
was
an
overeater
and
was
saying,
oh,
what
do
they
say
suggest
you
do?
I
mean,
it's
great.
It
says
on
the
first
meeting,
do
this,
on
the
second
meeting,
do
that.
You
know,
it's
really
very
practical.
But
anyway,
so
I
started
looking
at
this
and
I'm
learning
Tibetan
at
the
moment.
And
you
sort
of
read
backwards
a
little
bit.
So
I
sort
of
started
at
the
end
and
made
my
way
forward.
And
it's
actually
quite
logical
when
you
pick
out
some
quotes
and
read
it
backwards.
I'm
not
suggesting
anyone
start
working
the
big
book
backwards,
but
after
a
few
years,
if
you're
getting
bored
with
reading
it
forwards,
you
can
try
the
backwards
approach.
But
anyway,
so
I'll
just,
I'll
just
read
it.
This
dream
world
has
been
replaced
by
a
great
sense
of
purpose,
accompanied
by
a
growing
consciousness
of
the
power
of
God
in
our
lives.
We
have
to
come,
we
have
come
to
believe
He
would
like
us
to
keep
our
heads
in
the
clouds
with
Him.
But
our
feet
ought
to
be
firmly
planted
on
the
earth.
That
is
where
our
fellow
travelers
are
and
that
is
where
our
work
must
be
done
are
the
realities
for
us.
We
have
found
nothing
incompatible
between
a
powerful
spiritual
experience
and
a
life
of
sane
and
happy
usefulness.
And
I
do
have
that
sense
today.
I,
I,
you
know,
that
sense
that
we
get
through
sharing,
that
it
is
a
deep
sharing.
It
is
that
grounded
like
our
feet
on
the
earth
type
thing.
It's
not
a
airy
fairy
thing.
It's
very
practical
and
very
grounded.
And
I've
been
in
the
situation
recently
where
I've
been
meeting
with
and
people
have
been
talking
to
me
who
are
just
discovering
that
they
have
an
addiction.
And
it
is
that
sense
of
being
able
to,
you
know,
that
what
we
do
when
we
first
go
to
a
meeting,
we
share
at
a
very
deep
level.
When
I
first
got
into
Oi
was
actually
in
a
relationship
with
somebody
who
came
along
to
a
meeting
and
was,
you
know,
to
support
me
and,
and
was
just
amazed
at
the
level
of
intimacy
that
we
have
so
quickly
with
each
other
that
because
we
connect
on
a,
a
spiritual
level,
on
a
deep
level.
It's
what
happens
to
me
every
time
I
pick
up
the
big
Book.
I'd
find
it
a
very
spiritually
inspired
book.
And
so
when
I
read
the
big
Book,
I
have
that
connection
immediately,
you
know,
just
reading
a
passage,
just
reading.
I
remember
being
recommended
really
10
minutes
a
day
and
just
spending
that
time
reading
the
big
Book
has
had
a
profound
influence
on
me.
And
then
my
focus,
as
I
said
today,
I'm
just
going
backwards
now.
So
we
realise
that
we've
barely
scratched
the
limitless
load,
which
will
pay
dividends
only
if
we
I'm
changing
the
he's
to
we.
I've
got
suggested
to
do
that
to
or
I
minds
it
for
the
rest
of
his
my
life,
our
life
and
insists
on
giving
away
the
entire
product.
And
the
reality
of
that
for
me
is
continue.
I
continue
to
contemplate,
continue
to
analyze
the
meanings
of
what's
presented
in
the
big
book.
It
is
a
textbook,
as
I
discovered
when
I
first
read
it.
I
thought
it
was
a
nice
book,
but
I
didn't
realise
it
was
actually
a
program
of
action.
I
learned
how
to
do
that,
but
to
be
able
to
contemplate
and
analyse
it,
meditate
on
it
and
put
it
into
practice
in
all
my
affairs
is
rather
challenging.
But,
you
know,
seeing,
you
know,
minute
by
minute,
I
get
up
in
the
morning
and
the
first
prayer
I
do
of
the
day
is
may
I
be
of
benefit
to
others,
You
know,
may
every
action
I
do
now,
I'm
not
there
yet.
But
that
just
contemplating
that
rather
than
what
can
I
get
out
of
it?
And
the
practice
of
giving
rather
than
getting,
as
it
says
will
be
our
guiding
principle.
And
this
was
so
difficult
for
me
because
when
I
first
came
in
and
read
the
promises,
the
thing,
the
promise
that
kept
me
coming
back
was
fear
of
people
and
economic
insecurity
were
leaving
fear
of
economic
insecurity.
Great,
Einstein.
Now
I
didn't
read
it
carefully.
It
didn't
say
economic
insecurity
relief.
It
said
fear
of
OK,
but
what
I
have
learned
in
my
spiritual
journey
that
is
the
more
I
give
away,
the
more
I
get
back.
And
it's
just
I
can't
describe
how
much
I
would
get
back.
The
fact
that
I'm
alive
today
is
one
thing.
You
know,
I
think
that
the
way
that
I
was
going,
I
either
would
be
dead
or
I
mean,
I
had
the
sort
of
suicidal
thing
happening
for
a
while.
I'd
rather
be
dead
or
I
might
have
killed
somebody
else
because
I
also
had
the
rage
them
quite
well
developed.
I
was
very
good
at
that.
So
the
craziness,
the
unmanageability
of
my
life
was
so
related
to
it
that
it
was
invisible
to
me.
It
was
normal.
And
today
I
can
look
back
at
that
and
go,
no,
is
definitely
not
normal.
And
there's
no
way,
Jose,
I
wanna
go
back
there.
And
that
realisation,
I
think
what
kept
me
coming
back
in
OA
and
kept
me
working
the
big
book.
And
it
has
been
that
process
of
letting
go.
And
why
pick
up
on
the
on
the
giving,
on
the
practice,
practice
in
generosity
giving,
giving
of
the
program,
giving
of
myself,
giving
off
my
time.
I
was
actually
reminded
this
week
that
actually
my
time
doesn't
belong
to
me,
belongs
to
everyone
else.
And
it
was
such
a
relief
to
hear
that.
Oh,
that's
OK.
Now
I
can
stop
getting
resentful
when
my
time's
been
taken
away
from
me
because
it's
actually
not
mine.
So
it
was,
believe
me,
quite
a
relief.
But
I'm
also
in
a
point
in
my
life
where,
you
know,
in
three
weeks
time
I'll
be
giving
up
paid
employment.
Now,
if
you
said
that
to
me
like
14
years
ago,
it
would
be
like
what?
And,
and
when
I'm
destitute
on
the
street
next
week,
what
will
happen?
You
know,
because
that's
how
my
mind
would
work,
you
know,
everything,
everything
would
be
extreme.
Everything
would
have
to
go
to
the
extremes,
but
that
I
can
be
at
that
point
today
that
letting
go
of
that
fear
of
economic
insecurity
and
also
of
being
more,
you
know,
and
the
fear
of
people
also.
I
used
to
go
to
parties
and
it
was
like.
The
food
obviously
was
very
compelling,
very
interesting,
and
I
didn't
have
to
talk
to
people.
And
so
when
I
put
down
the
food,
I
thought,
well,
maybe
I
shouldn't
go
to
parties.
And
I
realized,
you
know,
you
can
have
conversations
at
parties.
You
can
actually
find
out
about
people's
lives,
and
nobody
notices
that
you're
standing
there
with
a
minimal
water
all
night.
I
mean,
you
know,
there
are
more
absorbed
in
themselves
than
they
are
in
you
actually,
so
they
don't
notice
and,
and
actually
letting
go
of
those
fears.
So
you
can
see
the
promises
gradually,
gradually
coming
to
happen
in
my
life.
And
I
and
I
certainly
did
do
the
thing
that
I
got
warned
about
early
on
in
these
guys
who
were
running
a
big
book
weekend.
They
said
most
of
us
are
going
to
get
halfway
through
those
promises.
Step
9/10
and,
and
you
know,
it
says
we're
amazed
before
we're
halfway
through
and
we
get
amazed
and
we
stop.
And
I
certainly
did
that.
And
then,
as
I
said,
you
know,
feeling
pretty
good
about
it
all.
And
then
a
couple
of
years
ago,
I
was
sponsoring
somebody
who
was
in
a
spiritual
crisis
that
was
certainly
way
beyond
my
experience
and
was
like,
how
do
you,
how
do
I
do
this?
How
do
I
be
of
benefit
to
them?
How
do
I
help
them?
And
I
had
to
really
look
at
the
fact
that
I
had
failed
to
enlarge
my
spiritual
life
at
that
point.
So
coming
into
program,
boy,
you
know,
great,
you
know,
spiritual
expansion,
I
came
in
feeling
spiritually
bereft.
That
was
a
shock.
But
very
soon
I
got
a
strong
connection
with
a
higher
power
and,
you
know,
sort
of
haven't
lost
that
sense.
And
it's
just
got
stronger
and
stronger.
But
I
wasn't
really
doing
much
more
because
I
was
feeling
pretty
good.
And,
you
know,
why
change
what
feels
good?
And
then
I
realized
there's
enough
stories
here
that
warn
you,
you
know,
so
and
so
it's
going
really
well.
And
then
guess
what?
He
failed
to
enlarge
his
spiritual
life
and
then
lost
it.
And
so
I
started
to
look
at
that.
And
OK,
so
in,
in
what
ways
do
I
continue
to
enlarge
my
spiritual
life?
How
do
I
continue
my
spiritual
growth
in
program
when
I
got
to
a
point
where
I
do?
My
experience
tells
me
I'm
I'm
free
of
a
compulsion
of
overeating
and
and
that,
you
know,
that
I
need
to
rigorously
work
my
program
each
day
and
and
it's
coming
back
to
the
mind.
You
know,
there's
never
it's,
it's
endless
working
on
my
mind.
It's
a
it's
a
trash
can.
It's
a
complete
garbage
can.
It
just
is
constant
work
and
that
I
that
I
need
to
not,
not
necessarily
it's
not
being
up
on
myself
and
saying,
you
know,
it's
a
trash
can,
you
know,
and
being
a
victim,
but
to
think,
well,
there's
a
lot
more
work
to
do.
Here's
an
invitation
for
growth.
I
mean,
that's
what
the
program
promises
it.
Now
there
is
an
invitation.
So
putting
that
into
into
my
daily
prayer,
my
daily
practice,
just
go
back
to
the
book
because
you
know,
their
words
are
better
than
mine.
Say
something
here
and
actually
I'll
go.
I'll
go
back
to
came
to
believe,
'cause
their
words
are
even
better.
So
this
other
quote
from
Bill
W
from
Grapevine
is
sobriety,
all
that
we
are
expect
of
a
spiritual
awakening.
And
that's
the
thing
that
I
think
for
me
could
have
well
been
a
trap
of,
you
know,
feeling
I'm
free
of
the
compulsion
of
overeating.
So
what
next?
So
when
the
when
it's
not
that,
when
it's
the
struggle
with
the
food,
it's
like
I
was
willing
to
put
in
heaps
of
effort,
heaps
of
effort
into
the
program
as
soon
as
things
started
to
improve.
No,
as
soon
as
after
a
while
things
were
improved
and
after
that
it
was
just
like
not
putting
in
the
effort.
So
sobriety
is
only
a
bare
beginning.
It
is
only
the
1st
gift
of
the
first
awakening.
If
more
gifts
are
to
be
received,
our
awakening
has
to
go
on
and
it
does
go
on.
We
find
that
bit
by
bit
we
can
discard
the
old
life,
the
one
that
did
not
work
for
a
new
life,
that
can
and
does
work
under
any
conditions
whatever.
And
the
conditions
of
my
life
have
changed
somewhat
dramatically
over
the
past
18
months
or
whatever
it
is.
And
I'm
about
and
I
also
have
a
food
plan
today.
I
never
would
have
envisaged
I
could,
you
know,
sort
of
live
with
this,
you
know,
sort
of
food
plan
that
I
have
that
is
I
don't
need
after
midday
and
I'm
not
recommending
everyone
else
follow.
This
is
my
food
plan,
my
only
and
certain
foods
I
don't
eat
and
so
forth
and
whatever.
And
for
somebody
whose
whole
life
was
constructed
around
food,
what
I
find
today
is
that
it's
not
at
all
constructed
around
food.
And
I
have
a
great
freedom
in
my
life
away
from
food
that
I
never
would
have
thought
imaginable,
you
know,
before
coming
to
OA.
So
for
that
I'm
very
grateful,
very
much.
And
now
we'll
pass
you
on
to
Sharon.
Thank
you.
Smartphone's
quite
funny.
So,
OK,
well,
I'm
Sharon,
I'm
a
compulsive
overeater
and
I
thought
about,
you
know,
writing
down
how
I
was
in
a
structure
today,
but
I
think
we'll
just
go
with
the
flow
really.
Hopefully
it
won't
be
too
haphazard.
But
just
to
qualify,
I
came
into
Overeaters
Anonymous
in
1989,
so
a
long
time
ago.
And
it's
fabulous
to
have
faith
in
the
room
because
faith
was
at
my
very
first
meeting
and
it's
great
to
be
in
a
fellowship
with
is
that
continuity.
And
I
remember
that
first
meeting
and
I
was
absolutely
desperate.
And
I
mean,
you'd
have
to
be,
wouldn't
you,
to
come
to
a
place
called
Overeaters
and
on
this.
And
yeah,
I,
yeah,
it
was
a
profound
experience
for
me.
And
I
think
out
of
when
I'm
46
now,
and
I
think
in
my
life,
the
gift
of
Overeaters
Anonymous
has
been
the
best
thing.
I
mean,
people
talk
about
the
birth
of
their
children,
which
for
me
has
been
profound.
But
Overeaters
Anonymous
has
given
me
the
ability
to
be
married
and
to
have
children.
All
the
good
things
that
are
in
my
life
now
have
come
from
over
it
as
Anonymous.
Anonymous.
But
you
know,
I
came
into
the
program
and
I
mean,
what
do
they
say?
If
you
can't
set
a
good
example,
at
least
you
can
be
a
warning
to
others.
And,
and
I've
said
that
a
few
times
and
it
is
the
truth.
You
know,
I
came
into
the
program,
I
saw
the
12
steps.
I
thought,
right,
a
step
a
day.
I'm
going
to
be
out
of
here
in
12
days.
And
I
really
wished
I'd
still
kept
that
book
because
it
was
like
day
one
set
one
and
I
wrote
down
what
I
thought
step
one.
But
I
guess
I
came
into
the
program
a
very
driven
person
and
I
guess
that's
part
of
my
personality.
I
wanted
recovery
and
I
wanted
it
in
12
days
and
I
was
going
to
do
anything.
And
I
got
a
sponsor
the
first
meeting
I
went
to
and
I
rang
her
every
day
and
she
said,
whatever
you
do,
just
don't
take
that
first
convulsive
bite.
And
you
know,
I,
I
didn't,
after
about
two
weeks
of
abstinence,
I
overdosed
on
sleeping
tablets
because
nobody
said
you
couldn't
take
sleeping
tablets.
And,
and
I
guess
the
thing
for
me
was
that,
you
know,
if
you
want
to
find
out
why
you
overeat,
try
not
overeating.
And
for
me
it
was
the
total
inability
to
deal
with
feelings,
to
identify
feelings,
to
know
how
to
manage
feelings,
all
of
that
kind
of
stuff.
But
anyway,
I
came
in
and
I
was
very
determined
to
get
well.
I,
I
didn't
care
too
much
about
serenity.
I
thought
serenity
was
a
fairly
boring
thing.
You
know,
the
serenity
pre
OK,
that's
fine.
Didn't
have
a
relationship
with
God.
But
I
picked
up
the
big
book
because
that
was
really
all
there
was.
There
was
the
big
book
and
there
was
our
Brown
book,
the
first
book
of
Overeaters
Anonymous
and
some
pamphlets.
And
I
went
to
a
novelco
course,
which
was
a
course
for
newly
recovering.
And
I'll
have
to
say
I
didn't
have
any
problems
relating
to
the
big
book
story
because
I
had
made
a
decision
at
17
not
to
drink
because
I
knew
by
that
stage
if
I
did
what
I
was
doing
with
alcohol,
what
I
was
doing
with
food,
like
I
had
no
doubts
that
I'd
probably
be
an
alcoholic.
Having
said
that,
I
mean,
I've
tried
lots
and
lots
of
different
drugs
at
that
age.
I
was
playing
in
bands
and
things
like
that.
And
I
have
to
say,
none
of
it
really
impressed
me.
You
know,
I
remember
trying
heroin
and
thinking
rather
each,
much
rather
each,
you
know,
loved
dope
because
people
used
to
binge
because
they
were
stoned
and
I
didn't
have
to
be
stoned
to
binge
like
them.
So
I'd
have
people
that
would
keep
me
company
eating.
And
I
remember
binging
once
on
hash
cookies.
And
that
was
a
really
bad
idea,
what
I'd
done
from
that.
But
anyway,
the
point
is
that
as
a
drug,
food
was
it
for
me.
It
still
is
it
for
me.
The
only
thing
that
surpassed
it
has
been
a
general
anesthetic.
And
you
can't
take
that
every
day,
you
know,
like
surely
and
you
know,
so
I,
I
mean,
I've
heard
somebody
talk
this
morning,
I
think
Thea
said
talking
about
eating
alcoholically.
Yes,
absolutely.
Read
the
big
book
didn't
have
a
problem
that
it
was
written
by
a
bunch
of
men
in
1937.
No
problems
whatsoever.
I
just
related
to
the
alcoholic
story.
It
is
alcohol
is
in
my
family.
I'm
sure
I
probably
would
have
been
an
alcoholic.
But
anyway,
the
point
is
that
I
got
stuck
into
the
Big
Book
early
and
I
read
it
enough
time
so
that
I
sort
of
have
got
it
carried
around
in
my
head.
There
are
times
when
I,
I,
I
don't
necessarily
remember
the
page
number,
but
I
know
that
it's
come
from
the
Big
Book
and
that's
one
of
the
things
that's
great
about
reading
it.
But
I
have
to
say,
for
me,
the
profound
change
in
terms
of
working
the
steps
came
about
six
years
ago
when
I
did
a
Big
Book
study
here
in
Sydney.
And
when
I
said
earlier,
if
you
can't
set
a
good
example,
at
least
you
can
be
a
warning
to
others.
I
came
into
the
program
and
it
took
me
out
years
to
really
get
abstinent.
Now
I
was
mostly
abstinent.
I
was
abstinent
90%
of
the
time.
My
weight
was
pretty
stable.
But
periodically
I
would
relapse
and
I'd
come
to
meetings
and
I'd
be
a
mess.
I,
I
wouldn't
be
like
one
of
those,
you
know,
I
often
look
at
members
who
come
and
say,
well,
I
picked
up
and
that,
you
know,
they'd
be
fine
for
me.
I
was
the
suicidal
mess.
You
know,
it
was,
I'd
go
feral
with
the
food
and
it
was
just
awful.
And,
and
I
suppose
over
a
period
of
time,
it
became
less
and
less
frequent
that
I
would
relapse
and
the
relapse
relapses
would
last
longer.
But
I
knew
that
I
always
abstinence.
But
I
guess
looking
back
on
that
time
where
I
was
relapsing,
it
wasn't
that
I
didn't
hear
what
I
needed
to
hear
to
recover.
And
I'd
certainly
read
the
big
book.
But
it
comes
back
down
to
working
the
steps.
And
having
been
around
since
1989,
I've
seen
a
lot
of
people
come
in
and
go
and
I've
heard
a
lot
of
people
say,
oh,
look,
I
doesn't
really
work.
And
and
I
haven't
seen
a
single
person
work
the
12
steps
and
not
get
well.
I've
seen
a
lot
of
people
come
in,
work
a
few
steps
and
not
and
relax.
Seems
to
acts
of
people
do
that,
but
I
haven't
seen
somebody
come
in,
work
the
12
steps
and
continue
to
work
the
12
steps
and
not
get
well.
To
me,
it's
very
much
cause
and
effect.
I
don't
think
you
can
do.
I
mean,
you
don't
have
to
love
working
the
12
steps.
You'll
still
get
well,
you
know,
I
mean,
it's
like,
what
do
they
say?
Going
to
a
gym?
You
can
go
to
a
gym
and
you
can
lift
weights
and
you
can
love
the
experience
or
you
can
hate
the
experience,
but
you're
still
going
to
get
muscles.
You
know,
you
can't
lift
weights
and
not
get
muscles.
And
I
think
it's
the
same
thing
here.
You
can't
work
the
12
steps
and
not
get
but
having
said
that,
I
mean,
there's
ample
opportunity
to
kind
of,
you
know,
hear
that
small
voice
that
says
now
this
is
what
recovery
looks
like.
And,
and
I
can
stamp
my
fitness
and
say,
no,
don't
want
to
do
it.
You
know,
I
have
times
like
that
all
the
time.
I
can,
I
do,
it's
like
a
flight
path
to
me.
I
can
deviate
off
the
path,
but
the
degree
of
deviation
coming
back
down
to
my
spiritual
practices,
you
know,
I
might
I
mean,
you
only
have
to
be
a
few
degrees
off
a
flight
path
and
you're
not
going
to
end
up
in
London,
You're
going
to
end
up
somewhere
else.
But
if
you
continually
look
at,
you
know,
it's
that
whole
daily
practice,
the
Step
11
practice
where
we
reconnect
with
that
higher
power
that
allows
us
to
come
back
or
allows
me
to
come
back
on
track.
But
so
I
struggle
for
a
long
time,
you
know,
worked
a
lot
of
the
tools.
I
mean,
making
a
daily
phone
call
for
a
year
gave
me,
you
know,
a
couple
of
years
abstinence,
actually
only
just
one
phone
call.
It
was
the
difference
between
not
being
absent,
being
absent.
It
wasn't
working
the
steps,
but
it
it
worked.
But
The
thing
is,
the
disease
progresses.
And
I
think
if
you
really,
for
me,
if
I
want
that
sustained
place
of
recovery,
I
really
need
to
work
the
steps.
So
there
are
tactics
and
there
are
strategies
in
this
program.
To
me,
the
tools
are
tactical,
but
you
know,
you
really
want
to
look
at
that
psychic
change.
That's
the
12
steps.
It's
there's,
you
know,
the
really
important
stuff.
But
anyway,
I
did
do
lots
of
inventories,
stacks
of
them.
I
think
the
profound
change
for
me
was
about
66
years
ago,
realizing
that
at
certain
times
on
powerless
over
food,
I'm
not
always
powerless
over
food,
but
I
never
know
when
I'm
not
going
to
have
the
power.
And
that's
what
leads
me
to
great
dramas.
And
the
other
thing
that
comes
out
for
me
is
that
a
realization
on
step
one
is
that,
you
know,
my
life
is
unmanageable
with
the
food,
absolutely
unmanageable
when
I'm
binging,
but
it's
also
unmanageable
without
the
food.
And
you
know,
that's
the
second-half
of
step
one.
And
I
think
the
thing
about
the
big
book
for
me
is
it
really
explains
what
the
problem
is.
And
I
remember
years
ago
I
was,
you
know,
working
in
a
corporate
environment
and
I
was
sent
on
this
really
expensive
course
that
was
run
by
defence
people,
I
think.
And
it
was
about
problem
solving.
It
was
a
fabulous
course.
And
they
used
case
studies
of
companies
in
the
States
that
had
gone
bankrupt
because
they
had
been
confronted
with
a
business
problem
and
they
had
gone
in
with
a
solution
and
because
they
didn't
understand
the
problem,
they
didn't
solve
it
and
the
company
went
bankrupt.
And
so
we
were
given
this
a
superior
way
of
identifying
with
real
life
case
studies.
And
could
we
have
turned
those
companies
around
and
save
them
before
they
went
bankrupt?
And
the
answer
was
yes,
we
did
very
well
because
of
this
particular
type
of
thinking.
But
this
particular
type
of
thinking
was
about
analyzing
what
the
problem
was.
And
this
is
what
the
big
book
does.
The
problem
goes
the
the
big
book
outlines
very,
very
clearly
what
is
the
problem.
And
here's
the
problem.
Problem
is
I
have
a
physical
allergy
to
food.
And
what's
an
allergy?
It's
an
abnormal
reaction.
And
my
abnormal
reaction
is
that
certain
foods
excitement
tremendously
more
than
anything
else
in
the
world.
And
and
quantities
from
other
people,
they
get
too
full.
That's
it.
They
couldn't
eat
a
single
more
thing.
Like
my
husband.
Yeah,
couldn't
eat
the
rest
of
that
half
of
Tim
Tam.
It
would
just
be,
you
know,
for
me,
if
I
feel
full,
there
is
a
switch
that
goes
off
in
my
head
and
it
says
more,
I
go
into
turbocharged
feeding
frenzy.
You
know,
that's
what
happens
to
me.
It's
an
abnormal
reaction
quantities
and
certain
foods.
And
if
I
knew
that
I
was
allergic
and
and
that
was
just
the
only
the
problem,
the
only
problem
that
I
had,
it
would
be
fine.
But
I
have
this
mental
obsession
which
basically
says
that
food
will
fix
things.
And
so
for
people
that
are
allergic
to
nuts
and
they
know
they're
going
to
die
if
they
eat
them,
they
just
stay
away
from
them.
But
I
can
know
that
if
I
binge
on
certain
foods
or
have
certain
quantities
that
it
will
lead
me
to
being
in
a
suicidal
state.
It
it
still
isn't
enough.
The
self
knowledge
isn't
enough.
Because
there
will
come
a
time
when
I
get
into
this
strange
mental
blank
spot
as
they
talk
about
in
here.
Well,
it
well,
it
where
it
will
seem
like
a
really
good
idea,
you
know,
And
yes,
you
know,
my
car
broke
down
a
few
weeks
ago
before
our
eye.
Eating
would
have
been
a
really
good
solution
to
that.
You
know,
everything
was
a
solution
to
that.
It
it
just
did.
I
mean,
I
was
in
a
really
violent
relationship
with
someone
who
was
going
to
kill
me.
He
told
me
he
was
going
to
kill
me.
And
it
was
at
a
time
in
the
80s
when
there
were
women
being
shot
in
Sydney
and
the
police
took
a
long
time
to
get
there.
I
mean,
that
was
the
reality.
And
I
never
lost
a
night's
sleep
because
I
was
eating,
you
know,
eating
was
a
really
good,
powerful
sedative
for
me.
And
I
remember
going
to
a
dentist
who
said,
you
know,
what's
happening
for
you
grinding
down,
chief,
are
you
stressed?
And
I
just
said,
no,
I
don't
think
so.
I
mean,
I'm
a
school.
I
was
a
school
teacher
at
the
time.
I'm
teaching
a
pretty
rough
school.
You
know,
I
didn't
even
know
I
was
so
tuned
out.
The
point
was
that
food
was
everything
for
me.
It
totally
sedated
me.
It
solved
everything.
And
so
there's
still
a
part
of
me
where
I
have
this
problem
where
I've
got
this
abnormal
reaction
to
food
when
I
when
I
ingest,
you
know,
certain
foods
and
certain
quantities.
But
there's
this
mental
obsession,
which
is
by
far
the
biggest
problem.
And
they
talk
about
the
jaywalker
in
the
big
book
about
the
person
who
thinks,
you
know,
it's
fun
to
jaywalker.
They
have
the
odd
skirmish
and
then
they
start
getting
really
seriously
injured
and
then
they
get
flattened
by
a
semi
trailer,
but
they're
still
alive
and
they
still
get
out
of
hospital
and
think
that
jaywalking
is
a
good
idea.
It's
a
great
analogy
for
me.
I
can
still
think
that
food
is
a
great
idea.
But
you
know,
I've
got
a
program
that
protects
me
from
that
sort
of
thinking.
So
it
talks
about
the
problem
on
the
on
the
physical
and
the
mental
obsession,
but
it
also
talks
about
this
other
problem
that
I
have,
which
is
an
incredible
self
centeredness
and
selfishness.
And
you
know,
I
really
relate
to
Bill's
story
in
the
big
book
where
he
talks
about
proving
to
the
world
who
was
important.
And
I
have
a
drive
for
that.
You
know,
I,
I
mean,
I
remember
coming
into
the
program
thinking
I
want
to
be
the
person
in
the
room
with
the
longest
absence.
I
want
to
be
the
skinniest
person,
you
know,
that's
how
I
think.
You
know,
whenever
I
do
a
course
of
study,
I
know
that,
you
know,
coming
first
is
the
only
outcome
that
I
want.
And
and
so
I
have
this
driven
personality
and
so,
you
know,
I
mean
it
comes
back
to
wanting
to
do
12
steps
and
12
days
and,
you
know,
graduate
and
be
fantastic
and
perfect.
And
you
know,
I
still
that's
still
a
fundamental
part
of
my
problem.
And
the
big
book
talks
about
that
a
lot.
You
know,
Egoness,
you
know
that
that
that
whole
self-centered
thing
and
and
the
the
book
outlines,
you
know,
my
powerlessness
over
there,
my
powerlessness
over
my
selfishness,
my
powerless
over
powerlessness,
over
the
food
and
the
mental
obsession,
all
those
sorts
of
things.
And
it
talks
about
finding
a
power
greater
than
yourself.
And
it
says
a
number
of
times
that
the
key
purpose
of
this
book
is
to
help
you
find
a
power
greater
than
yourself
that
can
solve
your
problem.
Yes,
there's
the
power
of
the
fellowship
and
that's
fantastic
because
I
think
we
do
need
to
work
together.
We
can't,
you
know,
can't
work.
You
can't
recover
in
isolation,
but
more
than
anything,
we
have
to
find
that
power
greater
than
ourselves,
which
is
more
than
the
power
of
the
fellowship.
And
it
comes
through
the
steps.
And
I
guess
for
me,
I
mean,
I've
heard
people
talk
about
steps
three
and
and
11
being
the
hand
rails.
But
if
I
was
to
sum
up
the
program
in
one
step,
it
would
be
step
11,
you
know,
sort
through
premeditation
to
improve
our
conscious
contact
with
God,
praying
only
for
knowledge
of
his
bill
for
us
and
the
power
to
carry
it
out.
Basically,
what
else
is
there?
You
know,
God,
I
mean,
you
don't
have
to
be
Einstein
to
know
that
God
doesn't
want
me
to
be
binging
today.
You
know,
that's
a
given.
He
doesn't
want
me
to
be
engaged
in
an
year
old,
you
know,
where
I'm,
you
know,
sort
of
in
that
whole
ego
driven
thing.
He
doesn't
want
me
to
be
forceful
or
driven
or
unkind
or
all
those
sorts
of
things.
It's
not
that
hard
to
kind
of
discern
God's
will
a
lot
of
the
time.
But
but
I
have
to,
you
know,
be
in
that
conscious
contact.
It
says
a
lot
in
the
big
book
about
giving
up
the
struggle,
ceasefighting.
You
know,
that's
not
been
my
way.
I've
been
wired
to
fight.
You
know,
I
grew
up
in
a
very
argumentative
family
with
a
very
controlling
dad,
you
know,
And
I
knew
from
an
early
age
I
did
not
want
to
let
him
win,
and
I
didn't
let
him
win
a
lot
of
the
time.
That
was
how
I
thought,
you
know,
today
I
have
moments
where
I
actually
see
that
it's
not
about
winning
or
losing,
you
know,
and
not
all
the
time,
but
but
it's
that
whole
thing
of
surrender,
you
know,
it's,
it's
not
winning
the
battle.
It's
about
being
free
of
the
battle.
It's
about
being
free
of
the
struggle
with
the
food
and.
And
that's
still
something
that
I
need
to
work
the
program
to
be
reminded
of
because
I
do
get
into
that.
And
if
I
just
work
hard
enough,
put
enough
in
it,
put
in
enough
effort,
you
know,
if
I,
you
know,
all
of
that
kind
of
stuff
and
it
doesn't
really
get
me
where
I
want
to
be.
But
you
know,
I
just
want
to
read
one
thing
because
this
to
me
sort
of
sums
it
up.
It's
on
page
16.
It's
sort
of
before
we
go,
you
know,
it
goes
just
after
it
outlines
the
steps,
but
it
says,
you
know,
our
description
to
the
alcoholic,
the
chapter
to
the
agnostic,
and
our
personal
adventures
before
and
after
make
clear
3
pertinent
ideas.
A,
that
we
were
alcoholic
and
could
not
manage
our
own
lives.
B,
that
probably
no
human
power
could
have
relieved
our
alcoholism.
And
this
is
the
most
profound
thing,
see,
that
God
couldn't
ward
if
he
was
sought,
and
it's
a
big
thing
here
if
he
was
sought.
And
I
guess
that's
really
what
the
program
is
for
me.
It's
about
seeking
that
connection
with
a
higher
power
that
solves
my
problem.
So
yeah,
that's
me
really.
Thanks.
Thanks
to
everyone
on
the
panel
and
I
will
have
passive
basket
around
if
anybody
wants
to
ask
any
questions
of
all
of
each
of
the
panel
speakers
are
all
of
the
panel
speakers.
Oh,
OK.
So
the
question
is
what
do
we
do
on
a
daily
basis
to
work
our
program?
All
right.
Well,
I
know
for
me
it
tends
to
be
a
lot
of
the
time
it
tends
to
be
on
the
fly
because
I've
got
two
kids
who
take
up
a
lot
of
time
and
energy.
And
I
know
whenever
I've
tried
doing
meditation,
they've
always
woken
up
early
just
to
get
me
company.
But
I
think
following
the
directions
in
the
big
book
on
a
good
day
is
pretty
much
the
stock
shop.
But
I
mean,
definitely
the
step
three
prayer.
Most
days
I
wouldn't.
Most
days
I'd
be
saying
the
step
three
prayer
and
if
I
don't
say
it
will
be
because
I'm
not
awake
when
I
wake
up
and
and
then
it
will
happen
later
on.
But
but
very
much
the
step
three
prayer
plus
the
step
7
prayer,
which
is,
you
know,
basically
God
have
all
of
me,
you
know,
the
good
and
bad
do
with
me
what
you
will
believe
me
of
the
bondage
yourself,
all
that
kind
of
stuff.
Steph
11,
I
know
for
a
long
time
in
this
program,
you
know,
we
talked
about
Step
10.
Step
10
was
the
daily
inventory.
Well,
that's
not
my
understanding
of
it.
If
you
actually
go
back
to
the
big
book,
Step
10
is
a
periodic
thing.
I
mean,
the
other
day
I
was
feeling
a
tremendous
resentment
against
a
friend
of
mine
who
I
was
having
coffee
with
that
afternoon.
I
thought,
I
don't
want
to
have
coffee
with
her.
And
you
know,
I've
got
a
sponsor
who
says
we'll
just
do
steps
1:00
to
9:00.
So
I
just
do
steps
1:00
to
9:00.
Bingo,
you
know,
Interstate
to
have
coffee
at
4:30
in
the
afternoon.
It
was
fine,
you
know.
So
step
1:00
to
9:00,
how
long
did
it
take
of
writing
at
the
computer?
But
the
thing
that
I
do
think
that
I,
I
do,
I
mean,
if
I,
if
I
lived
in
a
perfect
world,
in
principle,
I
do
this,
but
I
don't
always
read
it
every
day.
But
step
11
in
the
big
book,
it
tells
us
exactly
what
to
do.
Page
86,
page
87,
page
88,
right,
says
on
awakening,
let
us
think
about
24
hours
ahead.
We
consider
our
plans
for
the
day
and
then
it
goes
through
all
these
things.
So
it
tells
you
what
to
do
in
the
morning
and
then
at
night
it
says,
when
we
retire
at
night,
we're
constructively
review
our
day.
We'll
resentful,
afraid,
and
it
goes
through.
It's
really,
actually
incredibly
simple.
I
think
that's
the
thing
about
the
big
book
is
it
explains
in
great,
great
simplicity,
but
also
with
depth
how
we
do
this
practical
program
of
action.
And
in
terms
of
the
step
troll
stuff,
try
and
have
contact
with
somebody
on
a
daily
basis.
I
have
to
say
emails
made
me
quite
lazy.
Often
my
step
12
contact
with
people
is
through
e-mail.
Has
it
made
me
lazy?
I
actually
at
the
moment
are
in
the
in
the
thick
of
a
life
that's
way
too
busy.
And
it
won't
always
be
like
that,
but
e-mail
is
a
way
out
for
step
12
for
me.
But
but
I
think
the
other
thing
too
is
to
practice
these
principles
and
all
our
affairs.
And
so
practicing
being
kind.
There's
no
shortage
of
opportunities
for
that
patients
tolerance,
kindness,
love
that
it
talks
about
in
the
big
book.
So,
but
you
know,
do
I
do
it
perfectly?
Absolutely
not.
You
know,
it
really
relates
to
theatre
talking
about
wanting
to
kill
a
husband.
Yes.
You
know,
Really.
Yeah.
And
yeah,
and
the
kids
understand
why
people,
you
know,
what
is
it?
Animals
in
the
wild
eat
their
young,
understand
why
they
do
that.
Do
totally.
So
yeah,
thanks
Sharon.
How
often
should
you
work
with
your
sponsor?
How
do
you
find
a
sponsor
when
no
one
is
available
to
sponsor?
What
with
the
going
through
the
big
book?
When
we're
doing
that
initial
work,
I
try
to
meet
weekly
for
about
an
hour
to
an
hour
and
a
half
each
session
while
we
work
our
way
through
it.
Some
sponsors
because
of
their
own
situation
or
isolation,
I
will
suggest
a
very
regular
phone
in
others,
not
I,
I
that's
very
much
a
personal
thing.
I'll
get
a
sense
that
I
think
particularly
if
I,
if
I'm,
if
I'm
sponsoring
somebody
who
doesn't
like
to
bother
people,
they're
not,
that's
often
somebody
else.
They
look,
I'd
actually
like
you
to
ring
me
everyday
or
somebody
who's
isolated
or
something.
So
I
wanted
to
become
so
automatic
that
they
don't
have
to
think
twice
about
picking
up
the
phone.
Whereas
other
people
that's
not
an
issue
too.
And
I
said,
just
ring
me
when
you
need
to.
Once
we've
gone
through
the
steps,
as
far
as
I'm
concerned,
they
can,
they
can
leave,
they
can
stay,
they
can
contact
me
regularly,
they
can
find
somebody
else.
It's
their
choice.
So
I
have
some
sponsors
who've
been
contacting
me
very
regularly
for
many,
many
years
and
others,
I
don't
actually
have
a
sack
anybody.
If
they
never
ring
me,
I
just
assume
they're
on
the
back
burner.
If
they
want
to
ever
ring
me
again
out
of
the
blue,
they
can.
I
don't,
I
don't
care.
You
know,
it's
not
I'm
I'm
there
if
they
need
me.
So
in
the
initial
stages,
weekly
for
at
least
an
hour
to
an
hour
and
a
half,
how
do
you
find
a
sponsor
when
none's
available
here?
I
think
that's
a
real,
real
hard
one
because
certainly
from
the
way
I
do
it,
I
can't
take
on
more
than
one
or
two
people
at
a
time.
I
just
don't
can't
give
people
the
time
they
need.
When
you're
working
through
it,
I
think
you
just
got
to
keep
badgering
people.
You
just
got
to
keep
that
at
people.
And
why
I
say
that
is
because
I'll
say
to
people
when
I've
got
a
space,
the
next
person
who's
approaches
me
is
probably
the
one
who
I'll
I'll
slot
in.
So
if
somebody
in
my
face
going
regularly,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
then
I'll,
I'll
pop
them
in.
But
if
they've
only
spoken
to
me
once,
they
say
I'll
keep
me
in
mind.
Well,
six
or
nine
months
later,
I've
forgotten
they've
said
that.
So
I
think
it
is
important
to
to
to
stay
in
people's
faces
and
just
be
determined.
I
want
you
to
sponsor
me
and
I'm
not
gonna
leave
you
alone
till
you
do.
It'll
work.
I
call
this
another
one
specifically
for
you.
Tell
us
about
your
most
unusual
night
step
amends.
Do
I
recognize
this
writing
or
not?
All
right,
wrapping
up
Convict
Made
bricks
and
posting
them
back
to
Port
Arthur
20
years
after
I'd
nicked
them
from
a
historic
site.
Thanks,
Carl.
And
there
will
go
a
question
for
Susan.
OK.
The
question
is
can
you
share
on
how
you
work
or
have
worked
steps
6:00
and
7:00?
It's
very
interesting
actually.
I
thought
step
six
and
seven
would
be
deep
and
meaningful
and
there'd
be
a
lot
to
do.
But
when
I
went
through
the
big
book
with
my
sponsor,
the
amount
of
space
taken
up
for
step
six
and
seven
was
two
paragraphs.
And
it
was
actually
very
quick.
It
wasn't,
you
know,
angst,
angst
about
it.
It
was
answer
a
few
questions,
move
on.
So
for
me
it
was
it
was
a
process
of
yeah,
going
through
to
step
9
and
I
can't
find
what
where
is
it
into
in
step
six,
page
76?
I
think
they're
almost
covered
in
one
weeks
of
the
big
book,
isn't
it?
And
it's
just
really
searching
within
myself,
am
I
willing
to
let
go
of
these
defects,
but
not
getting
too
hung
up
about
it?
Because
if
I,
if
I
thought
about
it
for
two
months,
it'd
be
like
it'd
just
get
too
complicated.
So
for
me,
it's
very
straightforward.
So
thanks,
Susan.
OK.
Do
you
also
suggest
working
through
the
OA
workbook?
Why
or
why
not?
I
can
just
say
all
the
time,
particularly
steps
1-2
and
three,
certainly
when
I'm
sponsoring
someone
else
and
for
myself
because
that's
how
I
did
it.
Looking
at
those
questions
on
questions
1-2
and
three,
because
we
have
to
do
the
reality
check.
We
have
to
identify
the
problem
and
a
fantastic
set
of
questions
to
do
that.
To
really
clearly
put
it
down
in
black
and
white,
to
cut
through
the
delusion
and
denial
and
the
fantasies
that
we
tell
ourselves.
Like
I
told
myself
that
fact
that
what
I
thought
gave
me
the
greatest
pleasure
in
life
was
the
source
of
immense
suffering,
both
myself
and
others.
And
to
be
able
to
identify
the
foods
that
behaviors
that
'cause
that
and
what
actually
I
thought
they'd
give
me
and
what
actually
they
gave
me.
And
to
have
that
down
to
refer
back
to.
Because
what
I've
found
time
and
again
is
when
people
lose
their
abstinence,
they
also
lose
the
clarity
of
what
they
discovered
in
those
steps,
particularly
step
one.
And
so
to
be
able
to
say,
look
back
at
what
you
wrote,
update
it,
check
it
in.
Is
it
true
for
you
today?
And
to
continually
go
like
that
backwards
and
forwards
in,
in,
in
the
steps
in
the
workbook.
And
because
we've
got
the
12
and
the
12
and
the
steps
to
relate
directly
to
the
12
and
12,
it's
also
go
back
and
reword
it
says
in
the
12:00
and
12:00.
So
it
it's
a
fantastic
resource.
Have
to
say
that
I've
photocopied
it
many
times
and
probably
only
ever
bought
one
book.
So
this
is
a
confession.
I've
photocoded
many
times
and
give
it
to
many
sponsors.
So
if
if
World
Service
is
doing
a
sort
of
check
on
how
many
books
are
being
sold,
they
could
probably
multiply
it
a
few
times
if
we'd
coughed
up
the
money
for
them.
The
question
I've
got
here
is
I'm
sponsoring
someone
who
in
the
past
20
years
did
tax
evasion
in
another
country
and
repeatedly
shoplifted.
Not
surprising
she
is
stuck
on
step
9:00
because
of
the
fear
of
going
to
jail.
Any
suggestions?
And
I
think
with
this
question,
it
sort
of
raises
the
question
of
what's
the
role
of
a
sponsor?
And,
you
know,
I've
been
around
for
a
long
time
where
I
guess
I've
sort
of
discerned
2
styles
of
sponsorship.
You
know,
there's
the
sponsors
that
say
you
must
ring
me
at
a
particular
time,
you
must
do
what
I
do
and
you
must
do
exactly
what
I
suggest.
Very
instructive
style
of
sponsorship.
And
you
know,
certainly
worse
not
the,
you
know,
may
not
be
my
particular
style,
but
it,
it
has
its
effect.
And
I
guess
the
preference
that
I
have
is
that,
you
know,
as
sponsor,
I
just
share
my
experience,
strength
and
hope.
You
know,
I,
I
can't
share
anything
except
what
I
have
experienced
myself.
And
there
have
been
things
that
have
come
up
for
me
in
Step
9
where
it
hasn't
been
really
clear
what
I
should
do.
And
I
think
my
personal
response
if
I
was
sponsoring
someone
like
this
is
just
to
pray
about
it.
You
know,
I
don't
know
what
this
person
should
be
doing.
I
think
it's
about
maintaining
that
spiritual
contact
and
allowing
time
to
pass.
You
know,
I
don't
think,
yes,
there's
the
need
to
keep
moving
on
in
the
steps
and,
and
it
is
a
spiritual
program
of
action,
but
there's
also
a
time
for
just
praying
for
guidance.
And,
and
I
suppose
there's
the
obvious
things
in
terms
of
doing
some
anonymous
research,
you
know,
is
it
likely
that
the
person's
going
to
go
to
jail
and
all
that
kind
of
stuff?
They're
the
logical
things.
But
from
a
spiritual
point
of
view,
I
would
have
thought
praying
about
it
because
things
do
become
clearer.
I
don't
know
how
other
people
would
respond
to
that.
Yeah,
I
was
just
going
to
add
something.
To
me
it's
just
reminding
it's
a
spiritual
program
and
somewhere
I
heard
if
somebody's
stuck
on
a
step,
it's
because
go
back
to
the
step
before
or
if
you're
stuck
in
step,
go
back
to
the
step
before.
But
this
one
says
stuck
on
the
fear.
So
it's
like
go
back
to
step
four,
do
a
fear
inventory,
continue
to
do
those
because
what
is
disturbing
the
person
is
the
fear.
And
so
it's
not
necessarily
even
what
we
manifestly
do.
Repay
money,
whatever,
go
to
jail
good
place
to
work
your
program
anyway.
But
but
what
it
does
to
our
mind
and
then
what?
So
when
we
call
in
the
fear
we've
moved
away
from
a
higher
power.
We've
given
up
on
that
spiritual
connection.
So
it's
like
go
back,
go
back,
go
back
if
it
if
if
you
find
I
mean
continuously
often
go
back
to
step
one.
But
certainly,
you
know,
keep
doing
inventories
to
get
to
the
point
of
a
willingness
or
an
acceptance,
even
an
acceptance
of
what
is
being
done
for
a
start.
And
then
the
answers
will
come
out
of
that
entrust
that
the
answers
will
come
through
the
program
that
that
as
I
can't
judge
for
other
people
what
is
the
right
thing
for
them
to
do
in
the
world.
I
can't
judge
that
for
myself
most
of
the
time.
But
I,
I
do
have
a
great
faith
in
my
high
power
and
in
the
guidance
of
that.
And,
and
even
when
it's
difficult
to
take
those
steps
to
trust
that
we
are
being
looked
after,
exactly
going
to
say
that,
yeah,
that
when
I'm
presented
with
that
sort
of
question,
I
take
people
back
to
the
chapter
on
the
ninth
step
in
particular
around
pages
7879.
And
I
say,
OK,
I'm
not
going
to
tell
you
whether
you've
got
to
do
it
or
not.
You
tell
me
whether
it
gives
you
an
out.
Can
you
find
an
out
if
it
says
you
don't
have
to
do
it?
And
I,
we
just
go
into
it
and
into
the
text
because
I
think
the
text
makes
it's
very
clear
what
and
how
amends
occur.
And
our
OA
text
is
a,
is
a
good
backup
for
that
on
step
nine,
Step
2.
That's
why
I
say,
I'm
not
going
to
tell
you,
you
tell
me.
And
we
go
into
it
and
I
say,
well,
it
says
about
creditors,
it
says
about
criminal
offense.
We'll
read
it
through
and
read
it
through
and
then
work
it
from
that.
And
as
the
previous
speaker
said,
combining
that
with
prayer,
the
prayer
shows
the
way
through
the
inventory
shows
the
fear
and
the
relief
from
the
fear.
So,
you
know,
just
it,
it
is
all
there.
Yeah,
that's
what.
Thanks,
everyone.
We
still
have
5
minutes.
If
anybody's
got
a
question,
if
anyone
on
the
panel,
if
you
don't
mind
me
adding
to
the
question,
I
know
you
asked
Cole,
but
when
I
first
did
step
nine,
I
want
to
start
on
the
hardest
and
biggest
thing
because
I
want
to
get
this
person
out
of
my
life
and
not
ever
see
them
again.
And
my
sponsor
decided
that
maybe
that
wasn't
the
best
place
to
start.
So
reiterating
what
Coles
said,
but
I
just
want
to
share
one
way
of
being
shown
that
I
found
really
effective
and
I
think
it's
worked
for
others
is
to
have
set
four
sets
of
cards
and
write
on
one
set
people
you're
willing
to
make
amends
to,
like
each
one
on
a
separate
card
from
your
list.
And
which
means
you
know
how
to
contact
them,
another
one
for
ones
that
you're
willing
to
but
you
don't,
you've
lost
touch
or
whatever,
another
one
for
your
unwilling,
but
you
do
know
how
to
contact
them,
another
one
where
you're
unwilling
and
you
don't
know
how
to
contact.
So
from
easiest
to
hardest.
And
by
the
time
you
start
working
through
the
willing
and
able,
some
of
the
others
seem
to
shift.
I
had
bizarre
things
happen,
like
a
conversation
on
a
train
where
somebody
I
didn't
know
how
to
contact
them,
somebody
I
was
talking
to
knew
them
and
I
got
their
address
and
I
was
able
to
write
the
immense
So
things
happen
and
so
you
the
Willingness
Can
Come
was
also
a
relief
to
realise
that
not
everything
that
I've
written
in
my
inventory
meant
I
had
to
make
amends
to
people
'cause
there
were
some
things
in
there
that
I
had
great
fear
around
and
so
particularly
sexual
abuse
and
this
sort
of
stuff.
When
I
realised,
oh
actually
I
don't
have
an
amends
there
to
make,
but
I
thought,
'cause
this
person
was
on
my
list,
I
had
to
make
an
amends.
And
that's
where
working
with
the
sponsor
and
I've
sponsored
people
who
who
say
I've
got
to
make
this
amends.
And
it's
just
like,
what
precisely
is
the
amends
you
have
to
make?
And
if
they
can't
articulate
it,
this
sort
of
question,
isn't
it
immense?
Or
are
you
just
having
a
bad
feeling
and
you
want
to
get
rid
of
the
feeling?
So
being
able
to
identify
the
difference
between
uncomfortable
feelings
and
what
is
it
an
action
of
immense.
I
am
sorry
Lutheran
out
of
time.
I'd
like
to
thank
all
the
speakers
and
people
who
sent
the
questions
up.
And
after
the
Serenity
Prayer,
if
you
want
to
come
up
and
take
a
little
gift
here,
yes,
we'll
do
Serenity
Breath.
And
I
made
a
strategy
to
accept
the
things
I
cannot
change,
courage
to
change
the
things
I
can,
and
the
wisdom
to
know
the
difference.