The AAggieland convention in Bryan, TX

Morning family, my name is Ernie and I am a very grateful recovery alcoholic.

Every day after that, I am very, very grateful. I can promise you that. You know, I want to thank everybody that is responsible for bringing me out here,

not to Bryan College Station. I want I want to thank Leanne for giving me a call in the soccer. You need to come out here and kind of bear my soul to my family members here and turn the message

what this program can do. I know the following. Mark Houston, you know, from last night.

Mark, you know, I listen to him and you know, he's like The Lone Ranger. I'm feeling kind of like Tonto right now. You know, he's just, he's there. But his story is March story and my story is his earned story. And I'm here. I'm here. I'm here for really because of one reason, because of because of free food.

And that goes back five years ago. I was at the Roundup in Kerrville, TX

and I didn't know Leanne were locked walking along and she was supposed to be cooking hot dogs around here someplace and and and she and I said are they free? And she said again, I said, OK, because at 50 years old and living in a halfway house and busted, broke free hot dogs Sounds like filet mignon.

And from that very moment, you know, when I was there, things began to change. I'm going to tell you a real, real quickly, you know, about my story. You know, I am not I'm not from not from Texas, but I have always, always rooted for one team in Texas.

And at this time, I just want to say one thing. Gigam AG

but I'm from San Diego, CA and you know, my, my story is, is that I came from a wonderful, wonderful, loving family.

You know, I grew up on the right near the beach is about 10 minutes from the beach. And I was a, a pretty good athlete. I spent every day with either in the water water skiing or surfing or, or, or snow skiing or something like that. And God gave me a pretty good gift. You know, I could run. I was a pretty good athlete, you know, and, and we came to football or baseball. There were a lot of stolen bases involved and

but I came from a wonderful, wonderful, loving family. From that basis of that family, I need to tell you what that family structure was like.

I'm Greek and so I know what this big fat Greek weddings are all about, this big loving family. And my my father and my father passed away just a year before I came to Kerrville and I got sober. And so as I stand here today, I feel my dad's spirit that, you know, my father's wife was not awake and that I have become the son and the brother and the nephew and the cousin,

the employee and the friends that I could never, ever have been if it had not been for the fellowship of a, a, what it has to offer. I mean, boom. And the people in these rooms, like they are here to gate.

But my father, we own grocery stores and liquor was readily available because it was a liquor store also. But you have to understand that my father came to this country through Ellis Island from Greece. He couldn't speak the English language. He came here with $0.38 in his pocket. And he amassed a very comfortable living. And he worried about one thing to give me and my sister a better life in life. And

we had alcohol in the house and

the whole wall looked like a liquor store. And I continue the event. My father had two drinks a year and he never drank when he was bad. He thought it was an experience that he had to have to, to help another individual when they were going through that, to learn from that experience and help that other person.

And that's amazing. He was 12 different people and he wasn't even in the fellowship. You know, my father, every morning with my mom, they prayed. Every morning they prayed before they went to bed. And now my mom, she, she was born in Alabama, in Lancaster, in the middle of the Mojave Desert, and she didn't speak English until the age of 12. They were way out there and they farmed alfalfa and they farmed alfalfa and ranch sheep and cattle.

My mother, mom, my grandmother

in 1935 was killed by a drunk driver in the next to the depression and my mom in the middle did get in the Mojave Desert, had to raise her seven siblings and after year after my grandfather had came back, somebody tried to start the stove which surprised my mom and they burst the branch out to the ground. The only thing they had was a clothing on their back and most of them were barefoot in the field. My mother's story was the grace of wrath, and my mom would tell me her story and I would want to drink.

I mean, it was something that that that she had. And my mom was like this,

you know, we would go to a wedding and she'd have her one drink a year and she she takes 15 minutes to order it. It was always the same thing in Old Fashioned. I'd like her to have a little bourbon, a little, just a little bourbon, lots of ice, lots of water, a little sugar, a little bitter. Make sure you put a cherry on the top. And, and she takes two sniffs off this thing and she slide it away and she looked at me and go, I'm starting feeling

and I'm reaching for that drink. And she and I'm nine years old.

And she said, yeah, that's nothing for you, you know, But I don't know if it's genetic, a predisposition, if this is a disease that is covered in the genes of my family. I don't know where it came from, you know, But I they promise you if they shook this tree somewhere, somewhere one of these rules, our cartoon characters are going to fall out. And boy, I sure have it. There's quite a few members of my family that do.

So, you know, I drinking, you know, I'm drinking some,

it's a lot of places. And so I remember having a couple drinks and never really having that much of an effect on me. You know, I did drink once, a couple times and lost complete control. But The thing is, is when I I cross that line is when I started to drink to change how I felt

that internal condition. Now, like I said again, I just want to tell you who I am. You know, as an athlete, a lot of people knew me. My name was from the paper. You know, I could go just about anywhere and I could go into a room like this. Nevertheless, hey, how things going and everyone knew me

and there was something wrong inside. You know, there was just this I'll at ease this irritable, restless just you can't that there was something going on and people that know me and I talked about this today. They said we never saw that. We saw this guy that was real confident and it was outgoing and funny and loved to run and do all these things and but I remember the moment it happened. I was in high school and I was at a party and

the there were

three girls that I was attracted to and they were standing together.

And of course, you know, that's the most mystifying thing in the world is women at the meetings are sock and warm and smell good. And so there are three of them. And I remember I took a, a can of Schlitz malt liquor and I chugged about 3, about 3/4 of that, that split malt liquor, that bull and I set it down and that alcohol hit my system and I started heading right to already done all three of them. And as I walk in,

I mean, I've got like the music from from Mission Possible going up

in my head and I'm walking right towards them and I'm thinking I'm James Bond. All of a sudden. I'm 007. You know, I'm, I drive a Volkswagen. I think I drive a Ferrari. And I go up to the three of them and I and I walk up to them and I ask all three of them out at the same time. And now one of them said early, you're crazy.

And the other two said, yes. And I thought, and I thought, hey, that was pretty good.

So far so good. And at that moment, I crossed into that area where I knew how to learn how to calm a my nerve, how to make me feel all right with the world.

And then what

you know, and this went on, you know, I grew up 8 miles from the from the Mexican border. So there were a lot of things that were illegally coming across the border. And if you hear alcohol, you'd have to really, when you hear me talk about alcohol, you need to have me think about also, can you please think about side issues? Also, there were things that came from Colombia,

there were things that came from Peru that I, but we're not going to talk about that. But that was always a little identifiable that, you know,

and promised me. And so, you know, I, I went through, I went through school and I got into college and, you know, my life, I was living out at the beach and things were going pretty good. And, you know, I continued to want to change how I felt. And that's the bottom line. And so lo and behold, you know, my,

I had,

I was placed in a state lottery in California and I 18,000 people in this lottery and they drew 11 names and they drew my name and I won a lifter license. And what was God thinking about that, you know, And so I had an opportunity to open my own liquor store. OK, I'm going to give you this fact, you know, news alert. It didn't work out very good

and that's just a fact. But

I had a cousin that I was very close to that we were inseparable that you know, and I, she always lived in my shadow. And we party together 5th for 5th and we were partners in the store and we go out at night and he'd come back and the next morning and he'd go that way. It's crazy. And he immediately started to focus on work. And when I came back after that crazy night, I immediately started focusing on can't wait to get off, can't wait to have my next trip

identified. Any of that,

that that obsession of the mind has started to kick in. And there was really, there was a time in my life when I was, I had a wonderful girlfriend and she got tired of my nonsense, got tired of my wandering eye. She got tired of the alcohol. She got tired of all the other issues that I was using at the time.

And she said, Ernie, enough is enough. And she left me. And after about 10 years, you know, it broke my heart. And at that time I crossed over and I could never come back. And my alcoholism and, and everything else, it just accelerated. And everybody in my family is saying, Ernie, you know, why can't you stop? And I'm like, I have no idea why not, but I try to pull it back with,

with my relationship with people with money and I and, and I could never quite do that.

And I try to do it with marriage and because maybe if I get married, maybe if I marry the right person, maybe if I if you marry the wrong person,

I'll have a better self will about my who I am.

And so the store, you know, went away,

to say the least. And I was married and my wife was on the verge of, she had laid down some real ultimatums. And so I had decided that I was going to walk and I was going to go get help and I was going to get sober, get sober. And so I was doing it at the height of the house on the hill, the nice car, the nice job, it was all there. So you think it's outside stuff,

but if it's internal condition and I remember

my gone through and I'm going to talk about treatment just a couple times, but I had gone through treatment and I came out and then I went to 90 meeting to 90 days. And on the 91st meeting, I, I decided I didn't need to go to have a sponsor. And so I started that little chipping away at my program and I decided in a very short period of time, you know, I had a problem with other issues, but I don't have a problem with alcohol.

You know, it's just in a little silver can. I mean, my bad, you know, And in a very short period of time, my life was once again spiraling out of control. So I remember and I was sneaking in the hiding it and doing all the things like, you know, I wasn't going to do and I was

stealing chassis and lying when all those things, the things that we do in the disease. And I remember I was at home and I got home early. My wife came home and she was a court reporter, stenographer. And she came home and there I live with a, with a, you know, with a bottle crown. And she looked at me and she said she said, Oh no. And she said,

she said you relapse and I didn't even have any words to say. And she looked right at me and she got she make me a drink and call your sponsor.

And I just went, Oh yeah, this is the fight. I love this woman

and she was, she's one of us. And Needless to say, I made that drink and I never called my partner and my life continued to spiral again, out of control. I would rise to the highest levels of my position. And no matter what I was doing, I always got to the top of the mountain and I'd come crumbling down

because of who, because of this disease and how it took me where it took me. And the Needless to say, I lost my wife. And she laughed and you know, I didn't lose her. I chased her away. You know our story. So,

you know, there was I thought I would do something different, you know, in my life that I was going to do something that maybe I can control my drinking or my using themselves. I took off for Hollywood and now that is a good thing. Don't work at Hollywood, you know. So

I did that, Sir, for quite a few years. And they allow you. It's like the Peter Pan syndrome. You don't have to go up, you know, if they want you to get hired on someone, like the jobs I was on, you had to have an arrest record. You had to have a 50 because you were supposed to drink at work afterwards

and there were people to drink normally. But nobody drinks like me,

and

it didn't matter. It didn't matter how beautiful the women were that I was working with, how much money I made, how wonderful the studios were. It didn't matter because that phenomenon of craving, and I don't know when it's going to happen. That's the case because this is it.

I had been through treatment and diagnosed with this disease by my friends, by my family, but not by myself. So I would get off work and after a long thing, I they'd all go off to the bar and I'd sit down and look at Corona. And I'd have that Corona and that lion down the middle, and I'd have that one deer

and nothing would happen.

And I'd go home. And they were all shocked. They're like, they called me coach. I mean, like, coach, are you going home? I'm like, yeah. And for some reason, that one beer would satisfy that phenomenon of craving. And that was it. And I went home and nothing happened over the weekend. And Monday I was early to work as I as I always do, I guess,

and nothing happened. I didn't feel any check, you know, I didn't bite any bad checks and, you know, borrow money from people that didn't know I was borrowing it

that with the promise of I'm going to pay that back. But then the next week would come to you. Insane, insane.

Thought that the experiment last week worked well. I'm going to try it again. Why not? I've got this wonderful memory. I'm unable to recall the terrible, terrible things that have happened to me with my drinking and using. You know, I was in a car accident. I spent six months in a body gap. They put 87 stitches in my face. I'm not able to recall that because I get some distance on that event. About eight years. And now I'm just in Hollywood making money and I'm just going to have a beer.

Any normal person would stop,

but that's not my case.

And so I had that one beer again, that one Corona and bam, that phenomenon of trading kicks in and I am off to the razors and it is 12:00 at 2:00 in the morning and they're telling me you have to leave. And I'm like, I OK. And then at

and in a very short period of time, I'm waiting for the liquor stores to open come Saturday morning.

Now I need to tell you this real quick. My father, I work if you've ever flown into San Diego, my father's store. And as you fly right over going into Limerick Field, that's on the corner of first night. And a gentleman of Mr. Potter, every Sunday would come in when I was young and every Sunday he'd walk in with the exact same change. BAM. And he'd buy a papers and apply to pop on fire.

And I said morning, Mr. Mr. Potter, how are you? I was a young man. I was 16 years old or whatever. And he's

he wouldn't say a word and it gets that. He put in the bag and he walked outside and opened it up and take a hit off that thing and close it, put it in the back of his 62 Fairlane with a little dot life on the back. He made the only one you turn and go up to the hill. And I thought to myself, what a miserable existing. What a miserable life.

Now you Fast forward 30 years and earning working in Hollywood. I'm sitting outside that liquor store at 8:00 in the morning waiting for it to open, and I'm thinking to myself, these guys are blowing it.

Dylan's in business

violence, that's which is so idle, like a soiling it every day, never on time. And there's cars going by and I'm the only one who went in there and it's getting it's been dawn on me on how far down I had gone.

So

this continues to go on and you know, I am fired by

yeah, I was asked to take a hiatus from a studio. I know I got fired

and I was let go. And you know, it's funny. I could do, you know, I thought I would go see America. And what I did was gonna go drive a truck. And my friends always tell me, Ernie, you driving a semi has to be the scariest spot in the world. So I saw America and I could do 60 days on the road and I could go all over America driving. No cigarettes, no alcohol, no nothing. And it didn't bother me. But as soon as I was in New Jersey.

I was in, I was in Pittsburgh, PA and on our Qualcomm, it would come up, you're going home, head to California. And as soon as I saw that this roaring animal would come roaring up on top of me and it's all I could think about was getting to California. And I'm driving that truck and my partner's looking at me. It's like you're starting to scare me, Ernie. I'm like, you don't drive fast enough. Just sit down there and go to sleep. And I'm and I'm driving all the way, you know, and I'm calling a friend and I'm going to come over. And he says, well, where are you?

I said, I mean, history. He said Pennsylvania. I'm like, yeah, because you're insane. But that mantra, that mental obsession, you know, that grinding, not being able to get it out of your head. I was done.

So you know, this behavior and I had been through treatment twice before and I didn't pay attention to this book and I didn't do what they suggested for me to do. And

so this time around, my, my, you know, like I said, my father dying in my arms of cancer and everybody has done this in the family. Why can't you stop? And I look at him and I honestly got from the from the bottom of my soul said I don't know why

is this a man that would have given his life for me. He would have taken a bullet for me

and I didn't know why. How selfish I had become.

My father passed and my sister, she looked at me and she said, Ernie, there's a mixture I can have. And I was like,

and so she showed up one day and she said, Ernie, I know about the check. I know about the credit card.

I know about everything.

And so this is it, Ernie. I love you more than anything in the world and I never want to see you again, ever. I'm going to want you to leave and I never want you to come back. You're affecting my children, you're affecting my marriage, you're affecting everybody in our family. You cannot hear the tears that fall at night when you're out and everybody is crying. We're turning. We're tired of the business to the hospital.

We're tired of the attorney

with John. Ernie and I had a cousin that was next to next to her and I raised him. He was the only child and both his parents had passed away. And he really looked up to me. But now he's become successful. And my cousin John was standing there going I'll kick you anywhere. I'll kiss you anywhere right now. Just get in the car. Go come with me now. Sounds like this. And so, and really when my sister was talking to me, I was like,

ah, over, she said. You have a choice.

There's a door from to give you some money and let's put a restraining honor order on you. We can't come around family. You can't come around mom, you can't come around or you can get some help and I and we'll do this for you one more time, one last time. So the next 24 hours later, I picked up the phone and I called my sister. I could see us. I need some help and she started crying. This person that wanted me to leave and never come back. She's crying on the phone and she says my prayers have been answered. I found this wonderful facility. It's been Hunt

and you can go to Hunt, Texas. And you know, believe it or not, you know, I'm a server that plays bluegrass music. I play guitar. I play, you know, rather fast. And so my sister said you can take your guitar and you can play all the George Strait you want. Hee Haw. Let's go Cowboys.

And so my called my cousin who wanted me to go right now. And so I told him. I said well Are you ready? He goes I'll take you anywhere. I'm going to take you anywhere. I said well how much gas do you have? And he says it doesn't matter, I'll take you anywhere you want to go and goes where are we going to go? I said San Antonio and he said Texas,

and he said yeah, Texas. He goes what is your plane? Leave

the hand circle of love and about a 40 mile range

where my sisters was from here to heaven. She was going to give me my life back. I get goosebumps because I I called her every time I speak. Every time I do this, I call her and she goes I saved your life. And

she doesn't seem to realize it. You know

the story about my nieces when they were children waiting for me to give them swimming lessons.

Unfortunate room with red swimsuit, one piece and they're nine and seven. They're little fat toes. The weight for unclear. And they got the little cleaning device. And where is he at? Well, he's on his way. We'll call and find out. And my sister has to take lunch out to them and they wait. And my sister has to take dinner out there to them and they wait until 8:00 at night. And they fell asleep. And my sister had a scary damn into the bin to go to sleep. And it wasn't until I was over for quite a while. So my sister told me that that occurred.

I saw what I attended my family

and then I would

done the place that I went to. They asked my sister, they said I did your brother done. And my sister said my brother, he's never done.

This guy can go on forever. He seems like a cat. He's got 9 on,

but I came here not knowing what the answer was because I really didn't delve into this book. But I was going to do because I had no choices. This is it, ladies and gentlemen, my family. I'm going to tell you, I came here with nothing. I had no friends, no family. I had no money, no job. I had no car. I had zeros across everything

so I was willing to do just about anything they told me to do. I

So I got out of the car, I got out of the van, I looked around and I said to myself,

wow, I have only myself to blame, nobody else. Not that I came from a one of the family. It's not that I had thousands of dollars at one time. My wonderful wife, I got only myself to blame and

and I had this perfect in my life that I was going to do something different

and this is what happened. I heard the message, not Ernie's message, not anybody else's message. I heard the message. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous, not my program, not anybody else's, the program that came out of the book. I ended up in a place where they talked about the book and the book and the message that's in this book. They talked about the 1st 154 pages and they talked about the doctors opinion,

you know, and so I had this guy that was their qualifying and

at Saint clip Art, he said to me, he said, hey Ernie, have you ever tried to stop drinking and and not been able to? And I said, yeah, he goes and when you drink, can you control it? And I was like, no, sometimes I can, but I can't every time. And he said real lovely, lovingly. Congratulations for any of your screws.

You have a disease of alcoholism. One or two things are going to happen. These are going to do this work and life is going to get really good or your life will continue to spiral out of control

and because this is it the disease. We know what this is about it only one or two things the disease wants us to really be living in misery or dead. And I know what what miserably the faces of my mom seeing in the faces that that dark, dark hotel room that I'm I'm alone shipping your guest. And so,

you know, so I qualify myself there at that moment that I'm an alcoholic. You know, I I addressed all these issues. If you had to look at the film looking story and identify all that

and I remember, you know, I, I was raised in the Greek Orthodox Church and I was a, an altar boy for 14 years. And I know I,

I didn't know God. I had no idea who he was. I knew that he was in my life because he blessed my life a lot. But I remember rolling over in my bed and rolling over and crying out to God. I'm alone. And I said, God, if you're there, I'm going to need you. I cannot do this by myself. Please, please help me.

And

I don't remember going to sleep. I didn't have that sensational right now I'm getting tired. I'm going to go to bed.

I just remember waking up and at that moment I was changed. I was a changed man. And for some reason I walked in with my my head up and my chest out and I was going to do whatever they told me to do. And it didn't matter if they told me it was bad in the corner and stand on your head. It didn't matter. Every time they told me to do something, I said the word yes, because my wedding doesn't work. You know, it doesn't work. So I had this wonderful counselor. She said, tell me about yourself, Ernie.

And I said, my life is blessed. I came from a wonderful family. I have instruments and I've worked in show business and I come from a loving family. And she said, wow, you are blessed. You are absolutely blessed, though. I'm thinking she's like, OK, Mr. I think I'm blessed. She said, do you like your sisters on the phone every morning with me crying her eyes out thinking that you're going to die? Do you realize this? Do you have any idea what you have done to your family?

And again, once again, I had that feeling of that,

yeah, Oh my God, look what I've done to these people. So, you know, I got to do some work around the passing of my father and,

you know, I was pretty bottled up and I couldn't cry. And I was like, you have to treat these issues with us. You know, she had me work on it and this and but I remember one time I had walked in and she said as we all sat down and she said, oh, Ernie, it's your sister on the phone and in front of everybody. She was going to hang me out to drive. And everybody like started moving away.

This is not going to be good. She, my sister was said

Bernie has the heart of gold. And she said, Bernie, your brother has a heart of gold and the mind of a criminal.

And she said, my sister says, I'll give you the shirt off to your back. And she said, of course he will. He stole it. It's not his shirt.

Don't you understand who this guy is? And so she how much she said, how does that make you feel? And I was like, it doesn't feel, makes me feel like anything. It's the truth. And she said, you see what's happening here

and once in earnings, life is taking ownership about who he is and what he's done.

So, you know, I got out of there and I immediately, you know, a very first thing I did, I got a sponsor and because he told me to do and you know, I started this work and I did it at four step And I, I, I had a, you know, here I am pretty happy guy, you know, kind of smiling guy. And I had, they told me to write down the resentment. I wrote down 62 names

in about 100 yards because I was angry at the entire world. I wrote down everybody. Teachers, coaches, ex door friends, ex wives, my business partners. I wrote down everybody. I wrote down Allen Davis and the Oakland Raiders

my Charger.

So I do all this and I give the sponsor. And so he says to me, I said, yeah, we're going to do a fiscal. And this is what happened. I, I started writing. There were four people, the girlfriend, their wife, my partner and I had to write down my part. That's the part that I can change.

And so I have resentment towards my ex-wife. My ex-wife are leading me and this is the truth is that you know, I can't be trusted that I'm lying and then I'm just on it and I'm feeling and I don't care about her feelings. I care only about myself and I'm self-centered.

And I looked at that and went, Oh my God, look what I've done to this. And that resentment went away and I felt sorry for her. And I looked at my my girlfriend that left me and I said, I can't be trusted. I'm stealing time. I don't care about a feeling.

I try to get sober and I can't. I'm feeling from her. And it was exactly the same thing. And instantly once again, the resentment went away. Then I looked at my partner, my cousin, and you know, I'm showing a place for work every day. I'm stealing money from the registry off the wall. I can't be trusted. And I'm like God, these all sound insane. These are my character defects. But, and I think so I'm looking at this and once again, I'm so sorry for him.

And so I went to do this fifth step and I got my sponsor. I said I'm going to do, I'm going to do, I'm going to do my fifth step. And I had 80 handwritten pages and you're my handwriting. You can ask my boss, Rich Whitman. It kind of looks like a six figure and you know, hieroglyphic is going on,

but I can hear you handwritten pages in my I go to get this done. And so my sponsor says to me, he goes I can't do it for Sunday, we'll do it Monday. I'm like, OK, He says I can't do it Monday, but we'll do it Wednesday. And I said, OK, I tell you what, you can do it Sunday. You can't do it Monday. If you don't show up on Wednesday, I'm going to fire you

because I'm getting relief from every time I do a step. And so he's like, I'll be there. So I told him that I've done a lot of things I'm ashamed of. Shamed up

and

in my drinking and he goes, well, let's just get through this and

we'll talk about it. So I've identity said to me, he said, well, where's the good stuff? And I said well, that is the good stuff. He goes now let me tell you what I did and right there that's where they told me that you sit down and there's a mirrored image when you go to work with somebody that someone's going to tell you my life. I was just telling my sponsor his life again. I could be about almost the exact same thing, you know, but so as I'm doing this, just that I'm thinking that I have I've got this Angel thing

and and I've got this. I'm down by a waterfall off the Guadalupe Vegas. It's surreal. And, and so,

and I'm thinking on the I'm so glad to have this guy as a sponsor,

you know, and then he spins around and shows me my character defect and tells me that people have to make amends to. And the first thing I think of, I've made a terrible mistake.

I've got the wrong guy. And so I did all that. I did everything that he told me to do. Just like the people that started this journey.

I just did the simple things that they told me to do and, and my life continued to get better

and I made all those amends to all those people. And, you know, I can walk into those weddings with my head up and my family, all my family members, I can walk them with my head up and my chest out because I've done my part. I cleaned my side of the street and that's the side I can take care of. And so, you know, in, in sobriety, you know, I can tell you that this is what it would look like and want to make an amends. And people have heard my story. It's a key point of my story. It's that we're looking for that.

We're looking for that spiritual experience. So I called a custom on that was very close to me at 8%. And I said, pee that and I'm alone. I'm 50 years old. I'm living in a halfway house. These guys are halfway age. And I said, hey, Pete, I need to tell you that, you know, I wasn't thinking of you and I need to make a message because you need to shut up.

I have heard this stuff come out of your mouth so many times. I'm sick of it. And

everybody else in the family maybe be happy because they're happy because you're 1200 miles away.

But you can enjoy Texas. And I understand your found God.

And he hung up and that was it. I missed it. I was the best man in his wedding. He ran around the Colorado River together right now, so

and then it happened. I said to myself I had lied to him many times.

What he said looking honest to God, truth and the core of my being. I am a sensitive little flower and he hurt my feelings

and I didn't want to use. I didn't want to drink.

I was extremely alone in a halfway house by myself, sitting in on my bed with this book in my hand. I was free and I don't know how it happened.

There was now I have some wonderful things happen to me. They told me my life is going to get a lot better. And so I immediately, you know, since I worked in the grocery industry,

since I worked in the grocery industry, the very first thing I did was go get a job.

So I got a job at a company, a very large grocery firm here in Texas. It starts with H and ends with AB. And, and I, you know, I went from there from working with the most prestigious studios in Hollywood, from the biggest stars to bagging groceries. And they told me that my life was going to get better. And, and, and it was. And So what happened was they started guiding going and saying, Hey, guess what? I used to work in the liquor store. I had a liquor store I used to sell money out of

cash register. I didn't do that, you know,

I just said there's something different about this guy. This guy shows up an hour early every day. He does the simple things he wants him to do. There's nothing wrong.

We're going to keep an eye on this guy

because he's up to something. And so I had some shoulder surgery and they so they told me we don't want to let you go or anything. We want you to just come back and and

walk around and talk to the customers because basically that's really all you do.

So I'm walking around and I'm talking to these people. And and then I was going to go back to California and they told me you're going to come back to the store. And I said, OK, what's going on? They said they're going to give you a different job. And I'm like,

what's that? And they said, we'll go talk to the director. I said, OK, so I go to the director and he said I said, well, you can put me on the schedule again to be the roving goodwill and best he goes, oh, no, we're going to make you a manager. And I'm like a manager of what he said of the whole story. And I'm like, huh,

I had been there less than a year. I was bagging groceries and they're going to make me a manager before the key management. I was going to be the lowest one, but I was going to have my picture up there.

And so there I am making around you, these people, this one guy, Charlie, he's been there 27 years, he says. I'm feeling the frozen food department. How the hell did you?

Like, I don't know how it happened. It's as if it's as if somebody is puppeteering my life. Somebody from above is puppeteering the people around you. It's like that, that Jedi for him. He's in the manager. Yeah, make him a manager. And so this is the craziest thing. They're going to give me the highest security that there is. They're going to be FBI clearance. They're going to do it. All this other stuff that other managers have been there for years don't have

and this is how why God has us into human. The very first thing that they put me in charge of was this shipping and receiving of all alcoholic products table I was in. I was in charge of beating the Brink payroll and holding me out $180,000 in cash in my hand and the pharmacy

and you guys tell me why? I said does God have a sense of humor or what? Now it is 3:00 in the morning.

I am by myself. I am surrounded by thousands and thousands of cases of beer and hell. Come on, we don't care if it's warm. I don't care if it's a cigarette smoke,

it's kind of gives it. That would be cake.

Let's rude and I am sitting on a pallet of thousands of of of Vicodin and Oxycontin and Xanax and I'm holding $180,000 in cash in my in my lap