Don P. from Aurora, CO at the 6th Annual Big Book Weekend at Tanglewood in Camden, ME

Can I be helpful to can't save me from being angry? Thy will be done.

What are you laughing at? Did you? Did you have it backwards?

I did. You know, sex out of a bitch.

We avoid retaliation and argument,

and I have to really think on that. I don't do much of that out here, but I do it in here. I must avoid that. When I start thinking in terms of retaliation or start having arguments in my head, I must avoid it. Did you have on those this morning? Was it? Yeah. Oh God,

we don't want to hear about it.

Happy birthday.

Wait, where are you going? Retaliation Army. We wouldn't treat sick people that way.

Well, I get pictures in my head. How would that play out? You walk into the hospital room and your friends sick and on tubes and oxygen. Get out of bed, you lazy son of a bitch.

Or the worst one of all, how are you?

You feeling OK?

And we think we're being compassionate

now. The only thing is, is there anything I can do for you?

Anything.

And mostly, and I learned this through numerous tragedies in those circumstances, to sit there and hold her hand,

that's all you can do. I'll rub the head.

No extraordinary measures are needed.

The hospital is doing all of those for you,

OK?

Be kind.

Don't ask me to engage in a conversation with you when I don't feel good, when I'm in pain and I'm trying to find some reason to continue to live. I don't want to talk philosophy.

Just hold my hand and shut up,

OK?

Don't give me anymore morphine either. It won't help. My head will just go and that's a distraction.

And don't call me sweetie

unless you're my wife

and you ain't

see where I'm going. Eventually we have to begin to participate in our own life and think about the consequences of what we're doing.

And this helps me to discover where I'm being selfish

so that

what sometimes seemed like nice things are not nice things.

Why would I automatically give flowers to someone in a hospital before finding out whether they're allergic to flowers or not? They got enough problems without me bringing in something new. I might take the time to just find that out first. The flowers are a nice thing, but I'm I'm weird. I've often wondered, why in the hell do we give dead people flowers?

OK, that's always struck me as a little strange.

It's too late. Why don't you give them flowers while they were alive?

And the kind of people I hang out with following a funeral where flowers come and it's a custom. It's a nice thing for the people. They feel they're giving something. We usually take them later and take them down to the hospital or some. Our favorite place is nursing homes.

There aren't any flowers out there.

Sometimes that's all a person in a wheelchair who can't talk needs is to be able to smell a flower. I don't know. We think about things like that. We begin less and less to be interested in our little plans and designs and begin to think of these kind of things. Isn't this a lovely review? I got a whole new thinking process going on here.

We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kind of intolerant view of each, each one that becomes a prayer.

And my, my prayer frankly of this is dear God, please because I am so small minded and petty, please show me how to take a kind and tolerate you toward these people.

This saved my sanity. September 12th.

Have I told you about this yet? Remember, this is the third time I've done this and it's the same damn story which was in the heart of Heart Mountains in Germany.

I was truly devastated by that event.

I tend to identify truly I'm you and you or me.

And I couldn't comprehend the immensity of that kind of evil. And I've been evil, but my God, I can't grasp this.

I'm going through emotional stuff and I'm a fairly compassionate man, but I have some meanness in me. I didn't want these people caught and punished. I wanted them caught, covered with pig fat and made to eat ham sandwiches

because that means they can't get into heaven. Now how? Let's see how they like that.

That's pretty mean spirited and I know it and I can't get past it. And I'm making prayer, but it's not the right prayer. And my friend Jack called Kiddo's sponsor,

and he was devastated because in addition to this, which he couldn't understand, he's only about six years sober. He's also Jewish. And, you know, there's some stuff going on there, and he's trying to sort all this out. He says, what are we gonna do? I said, Jack, I don't know. I know our only answer is prayer. So I'll tell you, let's do this. And the Spirit began to move in me.

So there's a great promise, a spiritual promise, that if two of us are gathered in His name, which means if we are gathered in the spirit of forgiveness and love, He too will be there. So let you and I do this. Let's do the prayer that we were taught. God, show me, because I can't find it. Show me how to take your con intolerant view toward these people.

And we went through the rest of our day and did our evening review, and we asked at night what corrective measures should be taken.

Jack called me early the next morning. He said, I'm not sure this is right. But I woke up with this thought on my mind that had I been born in that country and raised by those people with that set of standards, I'd have probably been flying one of those planes.

True. Still can't comprehend that. Except I know this. Once I got the other side of it, they thought they were doing God's will

and yeah, I'm capable of that.

And that's how I got free, and that's how we get free here.

These people like myself are perhaps spiritually sick, and that's why they're behaving that way. There's the freedom. That's how we solve our problem,

putting on of our minds the wrongs others have done.

We resolutely look for our own mistakes. We're back to our little list again.

Yeah, that's what that looks like. Yeah,

I'll go over that. Just because it's fun to go over it,

putting out of our minds the wrongs others have done. I do not look for my part

this point. I already am engaged on the only path to freedom. They never did anything to me.

That's the only way I can get free or my mind will. What they did, they did,

but I'm to set that aside.

We look for our own mistakes.

Where had we been selfish?

Dishonest,

self seeking, Frightened though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person entirely.

If I think you still have a part in this, if I'm only looking for my part, that will be the presumption that you still have a part. If I want freedom, no you don't.

No you don't. Hard to do.

Where are we to blame?

The inventories are is not the other man's.

I'm going to give you something. This is an awareness. Just take it for what it's worth. This is a truth for me

as I sit here now, this morning, in this chair, in this room, here and now. No one has ever done anything to me.

Things were done to the person who used to live here,

but no one has ever done anything to me

that comes as a result of this change of thought over a period of time. Play with it here.

That's one that's good for a lot of sleepless nights,

but it's true.

That's true.

When we saw our faults, we listed them,

replaced him before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly, and we're willing to set these matters straight. So the end result of a resentment inventory is for me to admit my wrongs honestly and begin to prepare to set these matters straight.

The federal narcotics agent had almost shot my son to tell you about him. He was on my list

to finish up our little transportation deal.

Albert got arrested on some petty charge and was too afraid to go to prison so he turned five of us in.

Just roll over on us and the Co conspirator witness. No heat for Albert, as long as he told. Anyway, he rolled over on us,

and

when I got out, I made it. One of my first stops was to see Albert, to let him know. We're not looking for you, Albert, because I didn't want that snake running up my back.

As a result of that, on my June 13th, 1966, on my oldest boy's birthday, federal agents came to my house. One through the front door, one through the back door, one through the side window, knocked me down, stepped on my neck. It's all part of their training. It really is. You all scream, intimidate, get everybody flat on the floor, handcuff them, take control of the room 'cause they're used to guys like me shooting back.

They don't have time to be nice and knock on the door.

I understand that today, that day I was a little distressed,

my 4 year old lot out of shriek and this cup swung around, almost shot him and I developed some real hate nursing a long time through the federal penitentiary getting out and then up to this point. Well, he went on my list and there were good reasons. I had some really good reasons. When I got through all this, I came to a truth that

first of all I had brought him to my house with a hand engraved invitation.

I became his job.

I interfered in his life. I made myself available to him. I picked him,

so everything that happened that day was my fault.

There's no way I could have lived with that if it weren't this promise that I get to get rid of it. I almost got my kids shot.

How do you live with that? Unless you know you can't do that again? But when I came out, I owe this officer two things. If I ever encounter him, I've tried to find him. They're really reluctant to let me know where he lives.

I gave up that chase years ago,

but I am truly willing to set that matter straight. And I owe him two things I've ever seen. First of all, I owe him thanks for not shooting my son.

I had it warped. He almost shot the boy. This guy was so well trained and so completely in control of things, I'd have probably shot him on reflex. He didn't thank you very much. And then I am an apology for putting him in a position where he almost shot a four year old. Shame on me.

And the only answer to that is that I must become the kind of person that does not invite people like that into my house anymore.

And there's only been one federal agent in my house

for what, 37 years now?

IRS agent came one day. I was on a nonprofit board and you know, we're goofy. We didn't get our paperwork done right and

he was assigned the task of because I was on the on the paper of getting the paperwork done right. And he started explaining things to me and I just got Dumber and Dumber and more confused. The more he talked the worse it was

and he finally said oh hell, just sign it I'll fill it out.

Left my house.

That's not a ploy. I didn't understand a word he was saying.

You know, I'm in this position to arrest me. Whatever you want to do, just

quit talking to me.

Now to this day I do not like the way this guy did business,

but I fully understand that as a result of people like me, it's the only way they can do business safely.

Send more people than you need to, make sure everybody is contained instantly, that nobody has time to do anything but fall down on the floor and lay still.

They're right and what they do. So if I don't want that to happen, don't interfere in their lives.

It's clear. Let me talk about this one. This is this is fairly fresh inventory and I want to share it with you because as as we run out of time, this is very practical stuff on how to live life.

Was it three years ago, honey? About three years ago.

I'm going to call it work. That our baby grandson who is in not quite a year, is that right? Somewhere around a year. I don't have a concept of time. I have to check with her

and said get to the hospital quickly. He's been badly burned.

So I dashed off to Porter Hospital where they told me to go and they weren't there. My secretary had sent me to the wrong hospital.

Now I'm starting to get a little bit agitated

and I'm pausing and I'm because I know how to do that, but I am agitated. I don't know where the hell they are. In my family, it's custom. This is how we operate in any crisis. Go home. That's the gathering place.

We'll all find each other by going home. So running around town, you know, go home. So I went home and sure enough, they're there now. My wife was there, my older daughter was there,

the baby's mother, my younger daughter was there, my granddaughter was there, and the baby was there.

And everybody but the baby is kind of frantic like I am. The baby's got this big bandage on his hand and honestly, God, he's just grinning.

Seems that all there's a fine line here and all the skin from here on had been burned off like a glove. Somebody stuck this kid's hand in blowing water

and I'm agitated,

as young people do.

My youngest daughter and a friend of hers both had a little part time jobs because the guys can't make a whole living anymore, not in this country.

And when Kelley had worked, the other girl babysit. And when the other girl worked Kelly babysit. They swapped swapped kids. And this particular day, for whatever the reason, they both had to work. And so the baby was left with this other girl's husband

and he had dipped that kids hand in boiling water.

We found out later

because he was crying

and this is supposed to start. Well, you know,

it also turns out it isn't the first time he's done something like this. But

there's the background and I'm home and Kelly's on the phone with her husband now. I've come to kind of like Mike, but

he's not my favorite son-in-law.

He's verbally abusive. He's macho out of the bar hills of Los Angeles. There's a number of things that I don't care much about Mike and the way he treats the family,

and she's talking to him on the phone and it's clear to me that he's blaming her for this happening.

From her responses, I can tell he's laying this off on her. Well,

there is within me a grizzly bear

and when my family is threatened, he comes out

and he came out.

I grabbed the phone from Kelly and said listen you son of a bitch,

My older daughter said go dad, go.

And he said back to me,

who do you think you're talking to?

And the bear processed that

and said quietly, I'm talking to you, you son of a bitch.

I am sick of the way you're treating my daughter and frightening my grandchildren. And the spirit moved in me and I became instantly aware the only person mistreating my daughter and scaring my grandchildren is me

at that moment.

My daughter loves this guy, whatever else.

My granddaughter's never seen me upset and I'm calling her dad a son of a bitch.

My older daughters engaged

Kodak Go.

My wife knows better than to mess with the grizzly,

but she's distressed too. I am out of control. I should be present to help them, not going crazy. Thank God for the spirits. The same one that kept me from drinking

when it moved in me, I immediately knew.

Get out of here

now. I had to have the last word.

It was a silent word that you use when you're really pissed. I slammed the phone on the floor just so he'd get that and he'd know how I felt. Then I'm out the front door to do what I've been taught to do here. When agitated or doubtful, we pause. I need to get outside and pause and get inside

and ask for the right to utter action, Jackie tells me. The girls a little concerned when I ran out the door, but she reassured him because she's lived with me long enough to know he's fine, He's taken care of it

and I'm going through this thing and I understand I'm wrong now.

And I ask,

please show me how to take a calmly intolerant view here

somehow. And the only thing I could think of is this guy is probably one of those hardest workers I have ever seen. He's a really hard worker. He tries so hard to provide for this little family. His he handles money very poorly, but he works hard. And that's all I needed was that one thought to settle.

He's a hard worker.

Now I got this inventory to write.

I've already gotten free through prayer, but I need to find out what caused this. So this didn't happen again either with him or anybody else. I don't want this going on.

Well, here we are by the formula we just read. I'm angry at Mike because of the way he treats my daughter. He's macho, self-centered and more helper.

And what does that affect? Well, this incident infected my security, myself esteem and a lot of fear there and my ambitions.

Where was I? Selfish? Well, I don't wanna get involved in their drama. First of all,

she picked him.

I don't want to get involved. That's pretty selfish

self seeking because if I don't take sides then I'm going to look bad to she and my wife.

That's pretty self seeking to get involved in this crisis because they won't like me if I don't do it.

Begin to see my pettiness and my anger. Good Lord. Dishonest to think that I shouldn't stand up for because I'm going through the turmoil. I shouldn't get involved, but I should. It's dishonest for me to think that I should not stand up for my daughter.

I just did it wrong,

dishonest, and think, think that this is any of my business at all.

Whoa, that was a revelation. It really isn't my business.

Have you noticed? At no time up to this point has the baby been part of my thinking at all.

Oh my God, how cock eyed can you get? The only thing I need to be involved in is the baby, not the little battle going on between my daughter and her husband. Years ago we got a restraining order on him. Not that he's he's not going to hurt, but he's mouthy and he did slap her once so we got a restraining order. She wouldn't have it served. That's classical too.

We let them move in with us

until things settle and that will still happen. Other than that, it's none of my business. But she went to therapy and he didn't. I've actually got some. I kind of feel sorry for the poor Rascal. She learned how to push his buttons and she likes doing that and he doesn't have a chance. I mean, she's an activist and a bright girl anyway and every now and then she just flicks him on. A year with

poor bastard. Don't know what to do.

That's just a little sidebar.

I'm getting to like him. Not much but I'm getting to like him.

Is dishonest for me to think any of this is my business other than helping out with a place form if it gets really bad. Otherwise it is really their problem to work out and that's the truth and I interfered in that. They were working it out.

The last night's the phone out of her hands before they got it worked out. That's not too good.

Where am I frightened? Well, this forces me to take a stand,

and I'm afraid that if I take the wrong one and Jackie's going to be mad at me,

I don't know that's the wrong reason to take a stand. I mean, I love her dearly, but her opinion of me is not the reason I should take a stand for my daughter and his baby.

I'm afraid that their problem could affect my marriage,

so I'm reacting out of fear, not out of a need to protect my daughter or the baby or anybody else. I'm reacting instead of responding.

Begins to get clearer, doesn't it? Where am I lame for not taking a stand long time ago? After she wouldn't serve the restraining order, I opted out.

I either need to get in this or get out of it.

I need to take a stand one way or the other. I'm either in or a mountain

being washy. Washy doesn't play.

Or am I at fault and this was a real revelation?

I'm truly at fault because I am blaming him based on hearsay. I've not seen him do any of this. I've only heard about him doing this. I have no doubt that he's verbally abusive, but I haven't seen it. Everything I'm reacting to is hearsay.

That's the one I needed to find because that affects my whole life, not just this incident. When I'm trying to get here is the button that can be pushed in me by anybody.

And if I make judgments about you based on hearsay, I have separated myself from you, and that separates me from God. And that's not good for me.

More better, I find out from you. OK,

big revelation.

What's my mistake? Well, for getting emotionally involved with or without enough information. I'm emotionally involved in their stuff based on the emotion that was generated because my grandson got hurt. I'm riding a wave that's really dishonest. I'm agitated righteously, rightfully, because they don't know what's going on with this baby. And I take that emotion over into this arena.

That's not right. That's dishonest as hell.

It's one of my other mistakes was to get emotionally involved in this because Jackie was. Of course she was. But that's the wrong reason for me to get involved in it. I need to come at it because of my response, not hers,

and it's a mistake to think that I can't support both of them without being angry.

OK, see where it brought me? I'm ready and clear now. And what I'm clear on is it I owe this guy an apology.

I had no right to call him a son of a bitch and to interfere in his activity. None whatsoever.

I owe the family an apology,

not I'm sorry for behaving that way,

but I did need to explain some things.

Now I've got a real dilemma.

Once I discover I owe you, there's no slack. It has to be done now.

So do I go to this workplace? Do I call him on the phone? Do I wait till he comes by? I'm in this dilemma and I go out to get the mail. Here he is walking up the driveway.

Now you have to understand, Mike is a little intimidating. He's pierced and tattooed top to bottom, weighs about 200 lbs and every ounce of it is solid muscle. And he's got Mexican macho attitude. He can kick my ass and not even breathe hard.

Even the bear,

the barrier. Not anymore.

He's a little cub in the Dandenong

and I remember now the last

interaction he and I had. I'm threatening him. I don't know if you ladies understand it or not, but you son of a bitch means bring it on.

OK? This, this is to get you charged up enough

that you'll come at me so now I can take you apart. That's how little boys are. And that's his last contact with me. And we're walking toward each other

and the spirit move, it's automatic. I literally said

that's an ancient ancient ancient caveman days sign that I am looking for trouble here.

No clubs, no sticks. OK, you're safe for me.

I surrender.

There's nothing to react to here, Bob,

literally. And I said, Mike, I need to talk to you for just a minute.

I was wrong to call you a son of a bitch, completely wrong and to interfere. I was wrong,

and I sincerely apologize and I hope you'll forgive me for that. I still don't like what's going on here,

but I was wrong here and he said OK, I'll forgive you. Took him six months to do it

but

I'm clean. It's done because the other option is he can't come to my house anymore.

My daughter and grandchildren come all the time.

That if I take the stand that he can't come anymore. What's that going to do? It's not good.

It will take the kids feelings. It'll just taint everybody. If I continue to take this attitude, it'll frighten them. It's not right.

I'm actually getting to like him

out of whatever his motive is. He mows my lawn and he trims my trees and hedges and he's just as nice as can be to me. I think it's because he he loves my wife, but he's nice to me too,

OK.

And I watched the children

and I see no signs of abuse whatsoever.

He's all fluff and stuff,

OK, you can tell by the children anyway. That's just this. That's how this works. Whether it's the first time or 35 years later, it doesn't matter. This gets you in into the truth, which is I was wrong here. I don't want to be separated from him.

I want my kids to think I don't like their grand. They're they're dead.

So whoever asked, can we see the inventory process now? You've seen this piece of it.

Do it as you will. It's far more than just saying I was bad.

No, my thinking is skewed and needs to be straightened out.

Any questions?

Good, because it's all right here and it isn't as intellectual as it may have sounded. I'm describing to you reactions and awareness as I came to along the way, over a period of a day or two.

They moved, finally made us a little nervous. He's a classic abuser. I've been trained in that. And they moved to a farm 45 minutes away, and we thought, Oh my goodness, we had to overcome that, too.

He's gotten nicer and nicer. I think he belongs on five acres away from everybody because he's responding beautifully. And our granddaughter is on our heads all the time. You need to move to the country, Grandma.

It's quiet out here.

When are you going to move to the country, Grandma?

Yeah, OK.

For inventory is a separate inventory. The way I read it, we've completed this one and I become willing to make amends when the time comes. Now we get into fear.

It's an evil and corroding threat. It seems to shoot through our whole lives. And this is not the fear that gets me out of the way of a truck that's coming down the highway. This is the fear that if I get on the highway, a truck's going to hit me. So I never go on the highway, OK?

I don't want to lose the fear that gets me out. Yes, please,

in the fourth step

and it talks about self esteem,

personal relations and next to everyone of those examples it uses. So it does not appear to touch every time our inventory. Well, the way he's the way I've come to understand it, fear is so intense and so much a part of things got to get the resentment aside before I can even look at the fear. And so I get to examine it in a separate way. But self esteem is always associated with fear. Because I'm afraid of how I'm going to look

and the way I was shown. For simplicity's sake, I just mark it here. I'll examine it later. Because if I get caught up in fear, I'm going to do it because I'm afraid and it'll confuse me.

Don't know if that makes sense, but that's just how I was shown. Once we get this anger off, all that energy I've been storing up, and all we can use to take an honest look at fear, fear is too serious.

The method of looking at fear is so simple and so surgical, the way I was shown how to do it, in the way I still do it.

Let me let me share that and see if that makes sense to you. When they fit together,

I got two of them. One was a fear of being without money and one was a fear of losing my mind.

And I bring them along because everybody in this room has had both of those.

So what do we do with it?

It says we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble in today's world that sometimes gets confusing to people. Remember, this was written at a time that the country was just barely coming out of a serious depression. Nobody had anything,

and when you don't have a little bag of stuff and somebody steals that for me, they steal your soul and they steal your hope. It's more than stealing stuff. In today's world, stealing seems to be the thing that's acceptable to everybody. So some of the new people get confused by that. Stealing is wrong,

and stealing, the way he's talking about it, was so serious that it took people's hope away and soul, so they really thought it ought to be classified with that fear's that dangerous. It robs you of your spirit

and of your hope

of your very being. It's really serious stuff. It stops you from ever being who you are.

So we review our fear. Certainly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. Have we done that yet? Nope. So we put them on paper. Now, because I don't have much mind left, you'll notice I put the resentment, each one of them separately on one page, so I have room for all of it and I don't have to go looking through my notebook. Same things with fear.

I put down what I'm afraid of and that's what that looks like. I'm afraid of losing my mind.

Nothing to analyze there.

Of course. The reason I was afraid of losing my mind is that I was losing my mind.

I I could feel it going.

We ask ourselves why we had them. Well, that's what that looks like,

who I was taught to do. I'm afraid of losing my mind because a because I'll become custodial and someone else will decide my life for me.

Big fear.

See, when I was brought up, one of the fears that I had was that

I knew I'd go insane periodically and then I'd get sane again. Didn't know why. That's alcoholism. I'm saying. I drank. I'm insane. I stopped drinking, I'm saying,

but I was told that if they get you in a mental institution,

they can keep you forever

until they think you're sane and anytime you tell them that you are, they know you're insane.

It's a catch 22

and I was really afraid of that because I know they'd get me some time when I was insane and then they'd put me down there somewhere and then I'd get sane again and I'd never get out because they never believed me. It's convoluted but that's where I reacted from.

So to become custodial and have someone else ruining my life for me. This was written when I was 13 years over

and her Fortnite was 14 years sober.

Secondly, I'm afraid of losing my mind because I'm afraid and I'm afraid I will be afraid and anxious all the time. I don't know,

that feeling of fear, the constant anxiety

that makes you crazy.

Of course when it happens, you're already crazy

and so you get self involved.

Afraid of losing my mind because I will lose touch with God if I do. What this method does is say here's my fear. What will happen if this happens?

That's kind of how I look at it. What'll happen if there's? I'm afraid of losing my mind because I'll lose touch with people.

And most of them go on to the final and most fears end with I will die alone.

It's a great fear. I won't die alone.

Guess what

everybody does?

I don't care if the whole room is full. When you die, you die alone.

Now by writing this, I get pretty clear because I'm not afraid of death, and that's the truth.

I'm not afraid of losing touch with God because I'm not connected to God. Where I am God is

but these fears begin to play out now it says then wasn't it because self-reliance failed us. I was taught in order to get to that there's a simple question that I was taught to use. I ask, I am selfishly trying to and then rather what that is. I mean yourself is trying to get something, keep something, avoid something. This is just how I was taught to look at where self-reliance is failing me.

So let me quickly. I'm afraid of losing my mind because I'm afraid I'll become custodial and someone else will decide my life for me. I'm selfishly trying to control my life and make my own decisions.

That's clean and clear

that I'll be afraid and anxious all the time. Well, I'm selfishly wanting to feel good and OK all the time

to not admit that my mind doesn't always remember or function properly. That's what was going on. I had so much going on in my life, I couldn't remember most of it.

And that braids its own kind of fear.

So

did I lose touch with God? I'm selfishly wanting to keep and control my contact and relationship with God.

By time I'm through with this, it's clear this is childish and this is silly, but it's real

and I need to be done with it.

Perhaps there's a better way. We think so. We're now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God.

The fear inventories clearly identifies for me that I'm trusting and relying on my own resources. No wonder I'm frightened

because I don't have any. I'm sitting in the basement terrified because I don't have enough resources not to be sitting in the basement terrified. I must trust and rely upon God. We're in the world to play the role He assigns. Did you hear all the roles I was assigning everybody,

me and everybody else?

Just to the extent that we do is He would have us and humbly rely on Him. Does He enable us to match calamity with serenity?

We let Him demonstrate through us what He can do.

Here's a prayer. The answer to everything is a prayer. And here's the one that gets me out of this one. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. And I still remember

the day that I saw what that really said. Dragged my attention to what you'd have me be, not what you'd have me do.

It just opened my mind up.

I am not what I do.

My whole life I was what I do.

Jack does really great carving. That is who he is. He does that because of who he is.

If I am my car when I'm not in it, I'm nobody.

If I'm the best insurance salesman in the world,

Top honors

Spotlight. If I'm not busy selling insurance, I

and then just open it up, remove my fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be. Now in later years, I've come to understand something.

It tells me all through here who He wants me to be. First of all, I thought it was what personality would you have to be? God's answer to that is whatever fits, You

know? There's even places for assholes on this planet.

Your personality doesn't make any difference whatsoever. But what would he have me be

all through here? There are some things that tell me he would have me be kind. He would have me be honest.

He would have me be of service to others. He would have me patient and tolerant and loving. Let's see what he would have me be. However my personality does that. That's what he would have me be. And these are the things, if I'm resenting you, I can't be there. If I'm afraid of you, I can't be there.

I love my wife, my daughter, my granddaughter, and I even love Mike. But on the day I got angry with him, I didn't love any of them. I was only interested in me.

Isn't that awful? Separate myself from the very source

of my well-being, from God and the people that I love. Ridiculous. And if I'm afraid, it's the same way.

Are there people who come to your meetings that you're intimidated by and afraid of, And if they're at the meeting, you won't talk?

Find out why

and then we'll take him to coffee.

I have

a really high quality enemy in Denver.

Real high quality, he'll tell you. I'm not even an alcoholic. I couldn't be. I got sober in prison. I don't know what that has to do with anything,

but he unlike me, he spreads rumors about me. It's wonderful.

Came to me one time many years ago

to make amends, he said.

I've been talking about you badly for a long time and realized I don't even know who you are.