Don P. from Aurora, CO at the 6th Annual Big Book Weekend at Tanglewood in Camden, ME

Base so I can show up.

Yeah. Yeah. Have you learned where we are?

Yeah, carving is wonderful. Quit wings. Even better, because it has no meaning whatsoever,

One of my teachers says. You have finally learned how to live when you've gone through half a day and accomplished. Absolutely.

I like your work.

Yeah, I really do.

What's on your mind? Yeah, one of the main things in the beginning of this is been on my mind is

how to make a strong adaption.

Continue to drink or.

It makes difficult for us to stay sober. But in just leaving them behind prior, leaving those situations behind, right? I don't know. I'm practically that's right.

OK,

my life is on the line.

I made a list of the people I knew

one day to find out what is my relationship with them.

In most cases it was drinking that was the relationship. Those just had to go because we don't really have anything in common because I don't drink anymore.

There were some others where there were other things, but I hadn't limit that for new people. We will tell you the shift is very simple. You just go to a lot of meetings, hang around with us for a while.

It doesn't mean you're going to reject them, but hang around with us for a while until the strength that you need is there. Then you can make a choice. If you have something else going with them, if they're really friends, they will understand that.

Most of my old buddies, the one few I've run into on the street, is all said essentially the same thing. We're really glad you quit drinking

and I love some of them to this day, but we have nothing in common.

One of my dearest friends,

there's a pot smoker to this day.

We can stay friends. I can't go to his house,

ask him, you know, when I come in here, you're forcing me to smoke too, and that puts my life at risk. So

I can't come here.

We'll have to go somewhere else. I won't stop him. That's his business. If we're going to meet, we have to meet somewhere else. I haven't seen him for years. That was unacceptable

of my life's on the line.

I'm not going to risk it.

If you'll stick around long enough, we can help help you walk through that

because it is tough.

Yeah, well, of course not Sure. Oh well, that's what you picked.

Gotta make some new guess who's in this room. Same bunch.

Yeah, same guys.

If you get the right sponsor, you'd be so busy you won't have a chance to even think of that.

I don't know if that helps, but that's that's the only answer I know. Yes, Sir,

me too.

Yeah, I was thinking, I've been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday about not needing to relapse. And I agree. But you know, thanks. My history has been, I came to a A about 10 years ago and had some different. And I also liked how you made the distinction between I, I don't, I can't quote you exactly, but you know, being in recovery and just being sober and I've only just been sober until I got sober this time. And I feel like I'm finally getting some recovery,

but I also feel like

I needed to get to the place where I was seven months ago in order to finally have willingness.

And

I'm scared because this is the longest I've been sober and I've been without alcohol longer than this before. But this is, you know, a lot of stuff's going on in my life that,

you know, I don't want to, I don't want to drink again.

And you know, I see relapse around me and it frustrates me

because I've done it before myself many times

and

I'm working on a four step and I feel some freedom from that. But it's also hard, a lot of the stuff that I have to look at. And it's frustrating too, because I see myself doing the same thing over and over and over and over again.

And I guess that's it. It's just that lately I've been feeling a lot of fear around where I'm at. And it's not like I've been craving a drink, because I haven't. I feel like that compulsion, for now at least, has been lifted from me. And I feel like if I keep doing what I'm doing that that'll continue to be that way.

But maybe it's that I've set myself up to fail or I don't know what it is. I'm not going to try to understand it, but I just thought I would throw that out there.

Our founders made clear two really important things. One is that we have Alcoholics Anonymous, are over 100 men and women who have recovered. Then later on they tell us who won't recover, people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. And you're right in the middle of it. So you're safe and protected. It's only when we stop and don't give ourselves completely. This is a complete process.

You don't stop at the third step, you don't stop at the 6th step. As long as you're involved in it, you're accessing spiritual partner, you're going to be OK.

But it is scary. The only history I have is that I'm going to screw this up on my own. I will. Were you not on your own anymore?

Completely give yourselves to this simple process. Rarely does anybody fail at that.

And thank you for bringing it up, talking about it. Major freedom for now. You get scared later this afternoon,

but but we're here.

The day does come when I know I'm not going to sabotage this.

It's all part of slowly awakening, but just stick close

because we'll laugh at you.

And once you start laughing at you already have.

Yeah, if you can laugh at yourself, you're OK.

Yeah, I was about five years sober.

This wasn't a thought of a drink, but I was terribly disappointed because I didn't get to go do something I wanted to do. And the depression hit.

This is one of those killer depressions that come along. Fear, terror. This whole a things been a lie because I'm I'm still have that little piece of I've been a good boy. God, how come I don't get to go to the movies?

Steps wouldn't work, talking to people didn't work. It just made it feel worse and intuitively I went home and literally pulled the covers over my head and went to sleep and I was fine in the morning.

Sometimes that's all it takes. Total surrender.

Oh, and this was important. My whole life was ruined because I didn't get to go to Denver. Going to movies,

it's like my five year old granddaughter,

who is it, 30 Wednesday or Thursday, she's playing with the boys in the backyard, her little brother in some neighborhood kids and they're playing ball and she won the green ball and the kids wouldn't give her the green ball. And she came up on the porch and sat by me and she said they've ruined my wife.

I just ruined my wife. They won't give me the green ball.

Yeah.

Let's take a break then. Everything. Talk with each other. We'll see you after lunch about one

Whoopi Pies will be wide awake for a while

and those who wait them and are going to go.

Yeah,

one of the things I liked about

the Alcoholics Anonymous presentation, if you will.

I've been on a spiritual search since I was little. I have always known my answer would be spiritual, but I was a spiritual thief because I'm lazy.

So I've had a lot of exposure to a lot of different things. And almost without exception, to get to the truth, you have to go through several degrees.

We'll teach you this much, but there are secrets and mysteries. And then once you get prepared for this, we will move you on to the next one. And you. And it's just not true. I rebelled that. I'll comply, but I'll repair it. It's like school.

I'm a reasonably intelligent person,

but I didn't want to do all that work,

and I thought it was silly and I didn't want to be noticed. And you know, I was an awfully good C student.

No, no, you have to throw a bee in there

and if she's cute enough and you're in that class, you'll get an A. But I'm AC student because I don't have to work at that. I can do that without doing any work at all

and that's the way I would approach.

I want an instant answer.

Now, the other side of that is that in God's world and the and the relationship we're going to develop here is on easy and understandable terms. All I have to do is be willing

when I look at this, and sure enough, there's not a secret in here.

The entire deal is laid out before you even enter into the activities of recovery. It lays out what they're going to be and tells you what an order. I can't go through with it. That's what a lot of us said. This is a tough path,

but there's no secret to it. If you want what we have, here's how we got it. And if you don't, that's fine, we really don't mind. But there's no secrets and I like that.

I like that very much.

In my working with people, I've discovered something

and I want to say discovered over a period of years and making some mistakes. In the doing of this, I finally come to understand

my effectiveness comes from the fact that I do not talk to the sickness anymore.

I know who you are. You want to God's kids and that's who I'm talking to. I can't help you

with your sickness.

All I can do is help awaken your spirit and your spirit will take care of your own healing.

So as a sponsor, I'm, I'm really kind of a poor sponsor if you need a crisis counselor, because I'm not,

and I'll tell you that I'm not if that's what you need, they get $100.00 an hour and I have a list of them. That doesn't mean that in a real crisis I won't be there,

but God forbid you call me at 2:30 in the morning time after time

because you're in a crisis. Your lack of good planning does not constitute a crisis for me.

The fact that there's been funny things happen because of that, and this sounds harsh, but it's really not.

The truth is, it's the Spirit of God within you waking up and forming a relationship with God that solves the problem. I can't. I'm really bad at relationship problems. I've never ever been able to figure out how to have a successful sick relationship,

so I can't be of any help to you. I'm sorry. OK,

I can show you how to develop a relationship with God, and once that ones all right, the rest of them will be too.

You might as well understand right now, not everybody's going to like you.

In fact, sometimes the only way I can measure my effectiveness is by the quality of my enemies.

I have some really high quality enemies.

Oh yeah, now their enemies. Only in the sense that they oppose me. I do not fight back.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm out of fight,

fought my last battle and done. I have no more rights. I used them all up,

discovered that if I demand my rights, what that means is you've got to give up some of yours.

I still have any. I don't even have a right to be here

in terms of the right rights. A man made thing. God says for everybody, you're all equal, have a ball. I think we're funny. We live on God's amusement park planet and we take it seriously.

Oh yeah, If you can't have fun on this planet, there's something really wrong with you.

This place is filled with amazing, interesting, funny creatures.

Human beings being among the best

at being funny and weird and strange.

The endless variations on the theme, it's just amazing to me.

I told Jackie one time,

I'm thinking seriously, you're coming back one more time. But I think I'll come back rich so I can travel and see more of this planet. She lives doing that now on other people's money. What do you mean

we discovered the difference between rich and wealthy?

I'm an extremely wealthy man

and wealthy beyond beyond way beyond money. And it's a good thing, because I don't know what to do with money except spend it.

I've lived long enough that the government sends me $817.00 a month. As long as I promise not to work.

You got it, no problem at all.

Work interferes in real life anyway.

Had a fellow call me one night. I really do enjoy the 2:30 in the morning calls because you really don't have to wake up.

People who call that time in the morning do not want answers. They just want to talk.

And so you get just enough weight to go, Oh yeah,

uh-huh. Really,

it would be unconscionable, but I have thought about just getting a little loop tape.

But this guy called me They I get the psychopaths.

Well, I know who they are. They're frightened children

and so I know who they are. Just God bless this guy. And you can't think of things like this. This is at 2:30 in the morning. I just trust in God, whatever you want me to say to this one.

He talked to everybody and couldn't get an answer. So if one of them finally said to call me and it was 2:30 in the morning, but he did, He followed instructions. He was drunk,

had a serious problem. The next day he had five DUI's. He had to go court on and his problem was what do I do? Well, you go to court, that's what you do.

We talked a little bit and and I just automatically started asking questions like I was taught. And one of them was, would you like to stop drinking?

No, he says. I don't think so. I'd like to drink some about 55 and then quit

and I heard this come out of my mouth. Delights me. I said, oh, I'm sorry, you've called the wrong person.

Obviously you don't have a drinking problem, you have a driving problem.

And I still drive. I don't know how to quit,

so I can't help you, but if you'd ever like to stop drinking, keep my number handy.

And I'm thinking, wow, did I see that? If I'd have been all the way awake, I'd have missed that one. OK,

but those are the kind of truths that are there. I couldn't be of any help to him,

not at all,

because I've made a commitment.

My life is no longer in my business.

Only the conduct of my life is my business, and it is entirely my business. But my life itself is one of my business. I will go and try to do what I think God would have me do, and the directions in this book say that That means I'm to work with other Alcoholics and show them precisely how I've recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. That's all I have to do. And that is so serious a task that is beyond me.

People come to me and they put their lives in my hands, literally.

I don't know what to do. That's a serious deal.

So I have to stay spiritually fit so that the voice of God can come through me, so that I can be responsive instead of reactive,

so I can tell the truth even though it may hurt somebody's feelings. The truth must be the truth. And I got an image on that the other day.

I want to share with you some of the joys of what goes on in here.

In my quiet time, I believe and have believed for years that our job with each other is to Pierce each other deep in the heart with a sword of truth.

OK, my job is to keep that sword so sharp

that it goes in and comes out without living a wound.

That's a nice picture of what I believe. OK, how do I do this in such a way that it's not cruel?

And I'm taught here the way I do that is instead of talking about you, I talk about me.

And so when I make a fool of Maine, you get to see what a fool you are, too, and then we can both laugh at it.

Yeah, instead of me calling you a fool, look at this old fool.

It doesn't always work. I've had them threatened to kill me in my own driveway.

Sometimes it goes in and out so sharp they don't even feel it,

but that's all right. Anyway,

I love Bill's story.

Let's spend a minute with that.

Here's a man who

has, by drinking alcohol, put himself in a position where he truly is of no value

been in and out of this hospital where Doctor Silkwood was twice before. So, you know, he had all the information again. I know that

whatever information Silkwood gave us here that saved my life, Bill had it just didn't

get through

and he's drinking quite a bit. According to what I read here, he had at least 2 quarts of gin at hand,

another one stashed off somewhere and was giving thought to maybe getting some more so we could get through the night. What that tells me is he was drinking somewhere between 1:00 and 3:00 quarts of gin a day. That's a lot of juice,

and he's sitting there drinking that on an old friendly. He shows up. Abby Thatcher. They've been on some great drunks before. Debbie wanted to come over and visit and Bill thought that's a good idea.

We can drink together

and relive the old times. When you got nothing going today, relive the old times.

Sounds like some of the meetings have been to lately.

Ebby shows up

and I asked myself when I'm, when I'm thinking working with others, would I fit this profile?

If you were looking in and looking at me, would you see this?

Use whatever you look like to Bill. And remember, Bill's drinking. He's not sober, he's drinking.

The door opened and he stood there, fresh skinned and glowing.

Hell, now

there was something about his eyes.

He was inexplicably different. What had happened? Even in a drinking state, partly drunk, they'll recognize there's something different about my old buddy here. Don't know what it is, but there's something different going on here. Would you see that in me? I saw that in Bruce

and roll it and fill.

I pushed a drink across the table. He refused it,

disappointed but curious. I wonder what had gotten into the fellow. He wasn't himself.

What's this about? Inquired. He looked straight at me, simply but smilingly. He said. I've got religion.

The key is simply and smilingly,

I was a gas. So that was it last summer. An alcoholic crackpot. Now as I suspected, a little cracked about religion. He had that starry eyed look.

Do you have that when you go and talk to somebody?

The bless his heart, let him rant.

My gin would last longer than his preaching,

but he did no ranting.

See back on page nine of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous were already being taught how to 12 step. He did no ranting

in a matter of fact way. He spoke just the facts. This is not extraordinary, even Bill. He told how two men had appeared in court persuading the judge to suspend his commitment. That tells me something else.

The two men who came and got Evie had such a presence and a power that they convinced a local judge to let them have certain bodies if they ask for them.

We still do that, you know.

I don't know if you all know,

we have three guys from

they're prisoners, they're inmates that the prison unit out here. Would you guys just show who you are

here? These are guys that are doing time.

Somebody went over there, probably Brian because he's such an articulate fell

and convinced them that it would be all right to send three of their dangerous criminals

to a four aged camp

for the afternoon.

That's funny, isn't it? That's heavy stuff. If you want to wonder what kind of spiritual, what spiritual power is about, you're looking at it,

OK. They did certain things to prepare themselves and somebody else did certain things and they're here.

I love that.

And that's just matter of fact. That's where they're from. They get to go back tonight to their hair legged boyfriends while we go home.

Here we are today.

I stole that from an old timer. Oh God, that was funny. He came out of San Quentin. This was a tough badass. Got sober, went and he married a lovely, beautiful woman. We ended up getting to take him into our maximum security penitentiary to give a talk one time. And that's how he finished it up. He said, I want you guys to know this is the message. And he introduced his wife. She stood up. Gorgeous lady,

he said. I get to go home to that and you get to go back to your cell with your hair and legged boyfriend. Thank you. And he sat down

just That's the sort of truth.

We're really glad you guys are here. I'm not making fun of you. They are demonstration. If you're wondering about the power, there it is.

That's not supposed to happen,

just not supposed to happen. And that's what happened clear back here.

Roland Hazard and another fellow got the judge to turn heavy over them and Abby was a lost 'cause they were getting ready to lock him up forever.

And what they had was a simple religious idea and a practical program of action. That's what we inherited.

There's a religious idea in our the foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous. It came out of a fundamentalist Christian operation, a revival movement. And while we are not religiously tied, that spiritual idea isn't the foundation of what we do. Most spiritual ideas are. They're all about the same, But that's where we came from. But in addition to that, there was a practical program of action

that went along with this deal.

He'd come along to pass his experience along to me if I cared to have it. Is that my attitude when I'm going out to work

or my evangelistic about this? And you, by God, will take what I have to offer. You will get sober, We'll talk ugly about you or whatever it is. If I cared to have it. We were invited into Alcoholics Anonymous, not forced. When I came into that group, we weren't even given credit for going.

The guys who put together my prisoner, a group took all the incentives away. They talked the administration out of making a list that would be looked at by the parole board. Nobody knew whether we went or not

strictly volunteering.

He talked for hours.

I can do that.

You can do that.

One of the most fun times in a speaker meeting is when a new person is allowed to talk for the first time and you'll hear this. I don't have much to say.

Get comfortable,

it's going to be a long night.

Childhood memories raised before me that'd be brought out. Bill's memories

by talking about himself.

Some of the stories I've told in some people here have raised memories. This is how we identify with you. I didn't do that exact thing, but that sure sounds familiar.

How many of you stole money from your kids Piggy Bank?

Yeah. See, we're not alone. Why not? It's easier to get than robbing a bank,

Brian, if you don't know that you wouldn't have to go to prison.

Can you? Can you see him robbing a bank?

If I were to tell her, I'd say, oh, have a sucker and go sit down and wait for your mother.

I

But he's a fine man,

gentlemen. I'm kind, yes.

S for that crack last night,

There's more to come.

I

I had always believed in a power greater than myself.

I had often pondered these things. I was not an atheist. Yeah, we're talking about me now.

Few people really are, for that means the blind faith and the strange proposition

that this universe originated in a cipher and aimlessly rushes nowhere. A quick glance around tell you there are great forces that work here. There is order in this universe.

There are principles at work do this. This occurs.

There must be some kind of intelligence here, and it's beyond my grasp, but there must be that. That's clear.

Don't have anything to do with me, but there must be.

Despite contrary indications, I had little doubt and a mighty purpose and rhythm underlay at all.

I know about rhythm. I've sensed rhythm since I was little. I come from musical family. I Life is about music.

Everyone is busy singing their song and if we do it right it becomes a chorus, and if we do it wrong, it's disharmony. I'm not a good singer of music, but I do fine with somebody who is good and I'm just adding harmonies to it. Or in a course where you can't really hear me, I'm just blending in.

But we all, we're all singers of a song in one way or another. And there is a rhythm. The business of being on time. Let me

is fun to me

and it also I'm going to what I'm going to tell you will spark something, I hope, and you can't learn how to do this.

What? I'm here now? I'm here now.

I'm on time for everything.

One of the things I learned from the Salvation Army is that people respond better if they're fed first. A lot of missions make you listen to the preaching first and then feed you the sound. They always fed us first, then preached at us. So one of the things I like to do is meet with my guys while we're eating. I mean with a small group. Every Tuesday morning we go over to the peeps and have breakfast. Good meeting.

Anyway, where I worked was about three blocks from a place that

was built to serve people who had garlic deficiencies. It

it's a little Italian restaurant named Dario's. You can smell it for blocks. Oh yeah, I have a severe garlic deficiency. Go as often as I can.

I also, as a result of

a misspent Ute

and a miss middle Ute

a Miss mantle. I have neuropathy in my feet, so there are times I can walk OK, and there's times I can't walk too good.

And this place is three blocks away and we usually just walk because there's no place to park. And so, you know, three blocks is as close as you're ever going to get to it. And I had this guy come down, We're going to go to lunch. And it was a day I wasn't walking good. So we walked over to my van and I told him to get in and he said it's only three blocks, it's just walk. And I did sponsor talk. I said just get in the van

if you're new, that's what. Don't ask why, just get in a damn car,

you know? And we drove up there as we pulled up in front of car, pulled out and we pulled it apart. Now I've come to expect that I really have.

He was amazed. Isn't this wonderful? God got us a place to park. I don't want to slap him. I don't have a parking spot. God,

it's better than nothing, but I for me that that's absurd.

What happened is that we were on time.

Had we gotten there 30 seconds sooner, we'd have passed it before the other car got out. We've been 30 seconds later. The guy in front of us would have gotten the spot. We just happened to be on time, and there's a rhythm you get into

when you get fully present that that really does occur.

Now, I'd rather you believed in a parking lot God than be nothing.

But I will slap you in about six months from now.

We got to New York.

Oh, this is so funny.

Jackie had occasion to go to New York to do one of these deals with our friend Jerry Elkins. Some of you know Jerry. So Jackie and I and Jerry and GAIL and I were due in New York to do a thing for Tom Needham. And we go early because we love New York. We don't want to live there, but we just love New York. I mean, we're country folks. This is a wild place up there in New York,

and I sponsored a kid from Birmingham, AL,

who is a writer and a producer of films who moved to New York. And so he has an apartment, so we stay with him.

It's way too expensive to go to New York and not stay with a friend. Anyway, we're going to stay in Brooklyn Heights and Jerry and GAIL have a friend on the East Village and they're going to stay there. And I was down at Myrtle Beach talking with David Russell, who came out of New York. And I asked David if he knew anybody that could pick us up at LaGuardia and drop us off in Brooklyn Heights and down in the East Village.

And John Cognatello was there. And David, sponsor sent me, looked at John and said

he will

get in a car. John said oh sure, I'd love to. Sure enough, John picks us up at LaGuardia and we head across the bridge for the East Village to drop Jerry and GAIL off. It becomes apparent John has never driven in New York before.

He doesn't have a clue.

We're also headed into the East Village and there's no parks to park there until you get up to about 40 7th St.

We pull up at the corner where Jerry and GAIL are supposed to get off and a car pulls out and we pull right in. So I told John about being on time

and for the rest of the week it was wonderful. He was precise to the moment. Everything worked out just fine. We had dinner and hit. We stayed overnight out of his his folks place. This is in an Italian enclave and what is it? Hoboken. Honey, I keep Yonkers. I get the wrong time every time.

Five and a half hour feeding frenzy.

Everybody's busy competing with everybody else as to who can make the best and the most and the food just keeps arriving. The hors d'oeuvres were three meals worth themselves. The Italians are running around screaming out I love you, I love you, I love you in every way that they can. Just wonderful animated. Oh, great time. We slept there and John was going to pick us up at 5:30 and get us to the airport in the morning,

and at five he wasn't there. At 5:15, you went there.

So his mother called. He hadn't gotten out of bed yet.

We just barely made our airplane,

John said.

I got so intrigued with this being on time that I started to try to manage it

and almost blew the whole thing. And that's what goes on here. Don't try to manage this.

If you try to be on time, you're going to be either too early or too late.

Just be on time. What would he have me be here right now?

You all read Bill's story? If you haven't, I suggest you do.

The wars which have been fought, the burnings and chicanery that religious disputed facilitated, made me sick. Yeah, me too.

I am willing to go anywhere there is a spiritual person talking about spiritual things and have been from the beginning.

We were listening to one of one time truly spiritual man and one of the guys was angry and he he stopped. The guy says look tell me this, if God saw almighty powerful, why didn't he stop war?

And the answer was simple. He didn't start it.

Our troubles are our own. Making

more little clues as to what's going to happen inside of me. OK,

but my friend sat before me and he made the point black declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself.

Is that me?

Yeah,

I will tell you right in front of myself, I am nothing but see what God has done with me.

And that's where the power comes from. No other place.

His human will had failed. Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Sounds familiar to the hospital said we can't help this one. Just lock him up. So I'm getting identification here. Are you?

If you're not, I wonder what the hell you're doing here at the 4H camp with a bunch of convicts.

A bunch? Well, there's only three of them. We ought to number them. Don't worry.

Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat.

Then he had an effect, been raised in the dead, suddenly taking the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known.

Had this power originated to him? Obviously not.

There's been no more power in him than there was in me at that minute, and that was none at all.

I saw that my friend was reorganized. He was on a different footing.

His roots grassed a new soil.

I suggest to you to remember that while this is going on, Bill's drunk,

seriously drunk, and yet he's seeing this go on. It's important in a a today to remember what we deal with drunks, so when they show up at the meeting, that's what we're there for. I've been to meetings or heard of meetings where they actually won't let you in if you're drunk.

The hell are we about anyway? If you're destructive, if you're disrupting or try to hurt somebody, I'll help throw you out. But if you're drunk, come on in.

One of my favorite people was an old Indian that used to come to our meeting drunk.

And he would always, we had a long table chairperson here and down the tables, and he'd always sit right next to the chair.

And as soon as the meeting started, he'd go to sleep.

And when the meeting was over, he'd jog himself awake and hold hands and say the Lord's Prayer and go back to the street. And some of the members were kind of testy about that. But you know what I saw? For one hour each week, he had a safe place to go. For one hour,

well, he didn't have to worry and he could sleep.

And twice each week he got to pray

and be among some people who knows what he heard while he was sleeping. I don't.

Main thing is he had a safe place to go and sleep for an hour a week. We should have had a meeting every day.

If that's all I get out of it, that's all I get out of it.

I got a lot of them.

It's it's those damn cookies.

Don't worry about it, Casey. They're making fun of you.

There's the promise that I was looking for. I didn't come to get sober. It came to be changed and here we begin to get it. He's on a different foot footing, inwardly reorganized, and Bruce was very helpful with that.

This is we can't fix you. There's too many parts missing

and most of the ones that are still there are warped.

I love warped. I was an M warped,

there isn't a box made that I fit into. You got to put packing in around it, and even then I'll find a way out. OK?

The only funny people I know are warped.

I'm not two adults

in my life. I didn't want anything. They had. Jeez, they were serious about everything.

What I want to be when I grow up a kid.

In fact, I don't ever want to grow up. I

I think I'll try very hard to die before that happens. I'm, I'm making a good game on it, aren't I, honey? Getting younger and younger. I care less and less about what's going on in the world and more and more and what's going on in the world.

Bill went in for conception such as creative intelligence and

all that. Mine was you. There is one. He built all this deal and he rested and he's still resting. All those conceptions are just dodges in ways for me not have to really get in and find out what's going on,

he said to him. Why don't you choose your own conception of God?

Bill said. That statement suddenly melted the IC intellectual mountain and his shadow. He had looked for years.

It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a power greater than myself.

Nothing more is required of me to make my beginning,

and that's good, because that's all I could do is bring a willingness to believe that there was something I could see it,

and I'm willing to believe there is something. And I'm also willing to believe that'll work for me too. Whatever that is

will change me.

And Bill's drunk while this is happening.

Within two weeks, he's had so much to drink they have to take him to the hospital again. He's getting ready to go into DTS,

so I'm not afraid to work with really wet drugs. I don't lay the big book out in front of them, but they hear. In fact, sometimes the wet ones are the easiest ones because all their defenses are down. All that's left is the Spirit. Just

go for the Spirit,

like finding him on the street.