The 14th Annual Mouth of the Brazos Conference in Lake Jackson, TX

Very good. Very good. Hello Lake Jackson.

I just wanted to make sure you all were out there.

So the mouth of the Brazos conference. How cool. I found myself wondering today though, if this is the mouth of the Brazos, what would they call a conference at the other end of the Brazos?

And then I said, well, wait a minute, which way is that river running?

This is where it dumps into the Gulf, right?

I think the other end is the mouth of the brasses.

Yeah. I wonder who makes these decisions. It's a good thing it's not me,

girl. I want to thank the committee for welcoming us out. My wife and I personal invitation to the to the conference. That's great. And then not only that, like the guys said, they drove out, had four bikers come out. They heard we was coming to town on our Harley. They come out and met us and escorted us the last 100 miles in. That was really cool. And so my wife here is she'll be doing a workshop with with me Sunday morning prayer and meditation workshop starting at 8:30.

You all get a chance to meet her a little more there. But I want you to stand up Norma and say hi Wave

so you all get to hear her some Sunday morning and you can also hear her. We have a little website where we put up things. You know, people used to ask us to mail them tapes and all. But with modern technology, we just put it on a website and say go there and you can download all you want. You know, So it just Dave and norma.com, you can find her stuff there and you can find some of mine there too

or you can buy it from the tape guy.

So anyway,

here we are at the mouth of the Brazos Conference kicking it off, and I'm honored to be here. Thank you very much. I'm blind, Dave, and I am an alcoholic. Amen. And my sobriety date is July 9 of 98. So coming up on 11 years here in about two months. Very good. In 1972, I turned 70. Excuse me

1972. I turned 24 years old that year

and I was already full blown into my alcoholism and my drug addiction and I was hitting bottom

for the first time. In 1973. I went to church looking for God.

I was already convinced that that was probably my only hope,

and I found God there. I really did. And I had a very powerful spiritual experience which freed me from drugs and alcohol for a little while.

The next 25 years I pursued my faith and I served my church with zeal. I even became a small time preacher.

I had dreams of a growing ministry,

but during those years the predominant story of my life was I became a chronic relapser

which kept smashing my dreams.

Why couldn't I stay stopped?

I was baffled,

and after 25 more years, I was hitting bottom again.

Now I had encountered Alcoholics Anonymous along the way

and a a looked inviting, but I was afraid to admit I had a drinking problem. I felt that it would somehow discredit my faith and disgrace my God.

But as I became more and more painfully aware that all my unhappiness and grief seemed to be connected to alcohol,

I finally was willing to admit

that I was an alcoholic. I took step one

and admitted that I was an alcoholic, and I opened my heart just a little bit

to the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, and that was step one for me. And Step 2, I had a little problem with Step 2, it says. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Well, I had come to believe 25 years ago

and had not been able to stay sober. Why should I expect it to be any different in AA?

I wasn't going to change my God or change my I still have my same faith, I still have my same God, my same Lord and Savior and all that kind of stuff. I wasn't going to change that when I come in day A. So why should I expect anything different out of a A?

And what about this word sanity here? Are they saying I'm insane?

So I got stuck on Step 2 there for a little bit. But you know, I was reading my big book and I, I discovered they're talking about the insane moment that precedes the first drink. They're talking about that insanity 0.

I related to that

and as I said in meetings and heard people share, and particularly those who share from the Big Book and put the Big Book into perspective for us. Thank God for Big Book thumpers in the meeting

and they put it in perspective for me. And I was found myself going, oh, oh, and one day it dawned on me that my same old God that I'd had for 25 years

was now going to talk to me through the language of the Big Book.

And he was going to use the voice of other Alcoholics. And I was going to hear my same old God in a brand new way.

And I came to believe that. And that was Step 2 for me. And I opened my heart fully to this fellowship. I understand that God is able to. I came to believe that God is able to do something very unique for Alcoholics through Alcoholics,

and I understood what they meant by it's a WE program.

It's the collective spiritual experience that we find together.

And I open my heart fully to the fellowship and to my God as He comes at me through this fellowship. And I'm going to share with you all a little bit tonight about me getting established, building an archway through which we shall pass to freedom.

I'm going to talk a little bit about me getting established in my recovery and, you know, share a little bit of that with you because something interesting happened to me early in my recovery, after I had fully surrendered

to AA into this way of life.

I remember when I got that big book and, and, you know, at first I was just kind of thumbing through it, you know how it is and, and, and, and that was after I had this surrendering experience,

I took my big book and thought, OK, I need to read this. So I started from the beginning and just coming right through that big book, you know, and I read all the, the prefaces and the four words and chapter, the doctor's opinion and chapter one and chapter 2 and chapter 3. And I was at about Chapter 4 and I thought, you know, I hear some of these people talking about highlighting their big book.

I should have been doing that.

You know, I knew there was at least a good half a dozen passages that were really, really good as I was coming through there that I should have highlighted. And I thought, well, I'm going to highlight from here on, you know, I'm in chapter 4. And so I, I wanted to mark those special passages as I went on. And I thought, well, you know, I don't want to just highlight my book starting at chapter 4. So I decided just to flip back to the front of the book. And now I'm coming right back through the stuff I had read in this past week or so,

reading that same stuff. But the difference is now I'm coming back through it,

looking for those half a dozen really good passages that I wished I'd have highlighted. I want to find them again. I've got my little flashlight on, you know, and I'm coming through there searching for them. And you know what?

I highlighted 22 passages in chapter one

and I highlighted 18 passages in chapter 2

and I highlighted somewhere 23 or 24 in chapter it. And I thought they're everywhere

when you're looking,

when you've got your little Searchlight on.

And I'd read those little things that would jump off the page at me, you know what I mean? And, and I would go to the meetings then. And I found myself sharing those things into meeting. I found myself becoming a contributor just like the people that God spoke to me through.

And people started coming up to me at the end of the meeting and saying, man, that really helped me a lot. Dave, thanks, that felt good. You know, the Big Book says though they knew they must help other Alcoholics if they were to remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found

and giving themselves for others. Given back to the program is when you really hit pay dirt. So I'll learn to read with my flashlight on and ask God to give me things to share to help other Alcoholics. And I discovered that God gives me stuff to share.

And so I've learned to tag you onto the end of my reason for why I'm sober,

and I'm going to share with you some thoughts I got one time while I was just meditatively reading the literature

I was reading in the in the 12:00 and 12:00 one time in chapter 8, and it's talking about making a list of all persons RE had harmed.

And it says every A. A has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake.

I want to bring your attention to the statement this new adventure of living.

Did you know that AA is a way of life?

And why not?

Drinking was a way of life, wasn't it?

In fact, the Big Book says that alcoholism annihilates everything worthwhile in life and engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer. Drinking not only became my life, it became drinking became bigger than us and it became bigger than life.

So when the big Book says have you sufficient substitute,

Yes, there is a substitute, and vastly more than that.

And it started right there at Step 2, where I found a power greater than myself.

And I came to step three and made a decision to turn my will in life over to that power that was greater than myself. And all of a sudden, I found myself having an experience of living

that was bigger than life,

Bill Wilson said. My friend promised that when these steps were taken, I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator and would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. All of them.

That's a bold statement,

a way of living. I would have the elements, the tools of a way of living

to face all my problems from here on

and answer them.

Did you know in the doctors opinion that is a bold statement people, It's hard to believe it's one of them things in the big book you can read right past and it just bounces off of you.

This is an all inclusive program. It goes far beyond staying sober.

Sobriety is not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's the pot of gold at the beginning of the rainbow.

It's the first thing we find when we pass through that archway to freedom.

A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us

in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.

In the doctor's opinion, it says the message that can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight.

As we used to say in the 60s, it's heavy

and this program has depth and weight. I want you to know and you know, too many people stay in the shallow end of the pool.

You want to really find God and experience God. Jump into the deep end.

I was talking at a treatment center one night and I get pretty excited about talking about the program and my God experiences along the way.

And when I came out of there that night, the guy who gave me a ride, you know, we're walking to the car and he says, Dave, don't you think you're talking over their head a little bit?

And I said, no doubt. I don't expect these people in treatment to be able to grasp everything that I'm saying, but they can feel my passion

and they can say it. It says the message that can interest them has got to have depth and weight that they got to not be able to fathom it.

They got to say men this is over my head.

The big Book says that the ex problem drinker who has found the solution,

who obviously knows what he's talking about, whose whole deportment shouts at the Newman that he's got the answer,

can win the confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours.

That's our responsibility,

to project the answer in a way that leaves them with no doubt, because they're desperately saying,

can you help me?

Are you another one of those who made promises and could not help me?

Our deportment is supposed to shout at them that we've got a program here that's depth and weight. I'll tell you, we've got a big solution. They got a big problem, we've got a big solution. Is there a sufficient substitute? You better believe it and it's a way of life.

In chapter 2 it says that these spiritual experiences are phenomena.

They seem to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements.

Ideas, emotions and attitudes which once were the dominating forces of these people,

are suddenly displaced

and replaced by a new set of conceptions and motives.

That's the principles we live by,

and we learn to live by them, and we learn to have a spiritual experience and transcend it, said back there. It was transcended by the happiness they found.

We're talking about an experience here that will rise me above life's challenges

and solve all my problems. I have the elements to apply to any situation and transcendent, the Big Book says, here are thousands of men and women, worldly indeed, who flatly declare now that that means

pretty, bold,

flatly declared that since they've come to believe in a power of greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that power and to do certain simple things. That's our steps

that a revolutionary change has occurred in their living and thinking.

In the face of collapse and despair, they found a new power. Peace, happiness and sense of direction float into them.

That's our program, particularly in the deep end of the pool.

Step three says that notice it says the revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. This is a way of life

and it started at step three there when I made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of this higher power

that was bigger than me.

Fred said the same thing in chapter three. He said quite as important was when I discovered that these spiritual principles would solve all my problems.

It's taken my program and applying it to all my life and experiencing God in all aspects of my way of living. And so that's what step three is about, me deciding to turn my will and life over to that power

that I came to believe in at Step 2

when we sincerely took such a position that says all sorts of remarkable things will follow.

We have a new employer being all powerful.

He provides what we need. He says he provided what we needed. If oh,

there's a stipulation

if we kept close to Him and performed his work well,

He asked us to think well

before taking that step, make sure we're ready to abandon ourselves utterly to Him.

God's asking us to enter into a relationship with Him. It says on page 28 of the big Book that we form a relationship with our Creator upon simple and understandable terms. There are terms and conditions to this relationship with God and they're right here in step three. He is going to bring all His power to bear upon my life to do remarkable things and provide what I need if

I am willing to agree to the terms

to keep close to him and perform his work well.

That means to stay sober and help another alcoholic to achieve sobriety is what that means.

Our primary purpose. And so right there now I have found a big purpose.

I have found a big power and a big purpose

and I'm having an experience of living that's bigger than life now,

the big book says. We are now on a different basis

or what basis did I used to be on

while I used to live life in this dog eat dog world and it was every man for himself and may the best man win. You all know that world.

It's the world where there is no God.

It's a dog eat dog world and we all grow up and are thrown into adulthood into this dog pit of snarling dogs and everybody's fighting for their piece of pie and there's more dogs than there is pie

and we're all gripped with fear and you have to learn how to deal off the bottom.

We learned all that stuff there about the play actor, all the manipulative techniques. We have to learn them to survive in that dog eat dog world. I'm driven by fear. I'm self-centered and driven by fear,

but now I'm on a different basis. I'm in a different world. The 12 and 12 says on page 105 that once we catch a glimpse of God's will,

we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary which surrounds us.

And I still surrounded by snarling dogs? You bet.

But it says that now I know that when I turn to God, all will be well with me

here and hereafter. And that's been my experience because I've entered into a relationship with my Creator upon clear and understandable terms. And I know that when I do this, He does this. And, and I know exactly how to engage the power of God. Thank God for the 12 steps who taught me that,

Bill Wilson said. My friend promised that when these steps were taken, I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator. It's not a dog eat dog world anymore. It's a it's, it's I'm in God's Kingdom now, and I have the elements of a way of living

which addresses and answers all my problems.

A way of living that's a A.

Now let's go back to what we read earlier in the 12:00 and 12:00 every A A has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living.

I want to bring you attention to the word adventure

because what we have here is not only a way of living, but it's an adventurous way of living.

It can be

when you learn how to read your big book with your flashlight on

and watch God give you stuff to take to the meeting and to go help your sponsees and and and to start helping others

when you get in. So that's what he asked me to do.

I will bring all my power to bear upon your life, to provide what you need and do all kind of remarkable things if you will agree to stay sober, to help another alcoholic to achieve sobriety.

So I started learning that that Big Book is my tool, that X problem drinker who was armed with facts about himself. He armed himself with those facts from the Big Book.

Did you know? The Big Book says that the central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous.

There's another bold statement for you. Miraculous.

Does it really mean that

all my problems? Does it really mean that I found myself wondering. You know, one time I read this thing about in a way which is indeed miraculous, I thought, that sure is pretty. I'm going to highlight that.

And I and I thought, do they really mean that or is that just,

you know, figurative speaking? Were they literal or just speaking figuratively? Was it just a metaphor? Pretty words? Poetic license?

Were they speaking figuratively or did they mean that literally?

So I read it again and it says the central fact

right there at the beginning of the sentence clarified it. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous.

4 adjectives in one sentence to make sure you understand that the miraculous is indeed an absolute certain fact in this way of living. Now does that sound like it might be an adventure?

Do you think the big Book was kidding when it says we have found much of heaven and were rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence?

They meant that

we blast it off into the world of spiritual experience,

and they meant it. And it began for me back at step three when I made a decision

to turn my will and life over to the care of my higher power for a bigger purpose. And He is going to display His power in my life, the miraculous,

remarkable things it said, if I will keep close to him and perform his work well. And so the Big Book promises us on page 100 that both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. See, that's what I've committed to do.

I learned to tag you on the end of my reason for being here, of my reason for going to meetings, of my reason for getting up in the morning and asking at God in my morning meditations what I can do today to help the man who is still sick. And I also say, and those who are in recovery,

both you and the Newman are to walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. There it said it again. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands. When did I do that? It's Step 3.

The things that have come to me after I put myself in God's hands was better than anything I could have planned. That set back there rocket in into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. Better than anything we could have planned.

And it says follow the dictates of your higher power

and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world number matter what your present circumstances. Goodbye dog, eat dog world. Hello Kingdom of God.

Follow the dictator of your higher power and you will be rocketed into a new world number matter what your present world looks like.

I've had people say to me, Dave, you don't understand. Dave, you didn't have it as bad as I did. Dave, you make it look so easy. I say, what does it matter? Read this. No matter what your world is,

God can rock at you to where I am. No matter what your starting point is, that's irrelevant to God.

The only stipulation it says is follow the dictates of your higher power. What are those? To keep close to Him and perform his work well. To be of maximum service to God and the people about you and this fellowship. To stay sober. To help another alcoholic. To achieve sobriety. Both you and the Newman walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When you look back, you'll go, wow, look what all came into my life

when I let God manage it and gave myself over to just helping other Alcoholics and letting him run my life.

The big Book says we have been given a great sense of purpose. There it is again, our primary purpose. It's big purpose. We have been given a great sense of purpose, accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power of God in our lives.

The more I begin to be conscious of my responsibility to help other Alcoholics, the more I became conscious of the power of God right beside me.

And it says the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Have you all read that

SA great promise. I thought it was a newcomer promise when I first come in, you know, we tell the newcomer it will get better. And I read the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. And I thought, cool that that sounds good. You know, when I was a newcomer. But I want you to know that when I was about five years sober and I had experienced this being rocketed into a, a, a, a new and wonderful world.

And I was really digging on these morning meditations and, and guided meditation things. We're going to talk about that some Sunday morning. I mean, I mean, this Sunday morning not so

we're going to talk about that some this Sunday morning. There you go. Anyway, so I was, you know, I was kind of doing that meditation thing one morning and I and I thought, I felt God say the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead.

I was a little confused. I said, I said, God, I thought that was a newcomer promise. I'm five years sober now and it's been great. You know, better than I could have planned. You know, more than I could have dreamed. And why are you telling me that now?

Does that promise still apply to me?

Is that still true for me today?

And I thought I felt God say to me, the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead,

and that will always be true.

Think about that.

You mean that as good as it is, the best is yet to come,

and when I get there, the best is yet to come, and when I reach that the best is yet to come?

There is no ceiling

to your experience with God

in the deep end of this pool.

Does that sound like it might possibly be an adventure?

They meant that when they said this is an adventurous way of living.

So now I got to get rid of anything that might be blocking me from that Step 3 experience. So I started out on Step 4. Next we made a, next we launched out on the course of vigorous action, you know, to, to, to remove the things that are blocking me from this experience. So we do that step forward and then I come to step five, you know,

the Step 5, the dreaded step five. I remember when I was ready to do my step five, you know, and

call my sponsor up one Friday and said I'm ready. I'm ready to do my step five. Of course, I, I, I had left one thing off. I mean, everybody does, right? I mean,

and so I called him up, you know, and then he says, well, Dave, I just put my house on the market here and I'm getting a lot of calls and I'm going to be kind of busy showing the houses weekend. He said, how about we meet over at the club Monday after the noon meeting. And I said, OK,

But the only problem with that, see, he left me the whole weekend, I kept hearing this voice in my head going, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. And I said OK, OK,

Sunday night, you know, I get out my little Braille riding thing and and I'm punching these dots and this little dude pops up on my shoulder over here. Y'all know who I'm talking about? And he says, don't worry, he can't read that

now. They I thought, yeah, you're right, you know, you're right. And so when I pushed through the door over at my A club Monday after the noon meeting, I walked through the door going Ain't no way I'm going to tell him that one

and he can't read it.

So I got in the backroom, you know, and I sat down and we're getting ready. I'm unfolding my little paper and I'm fixing to read him all that easy to say stuff, you know, and and he grabbed my hand. So just a minute, Dave. And he said, God,

I think you better help Dave be fearless and thorough from the very start

and freaked me out.

I thought, is he reading my mind?

Was it his voice I was hearing over the weekend?

You know, you get all them thoughts. I thought, what's going on here in this A, a deal. You know, I tell you, it's a collective God experience. I don't even know if he knew that God blew my socks off in that moment, but he did

scared me. I felt like I came face to face with God for a moment there,

and I was afraid not to read him that whole list. And I'm glad I did because I got all the way down to that last thing and I hadn't felt the thing yet.

But when I am puked out that last thing, something wonderful happened.

I hadn't felt anything up to that point,

but in that moment I felt like I had lived my life in a dark Gray bubble and it just popped

and I was in the sunlight of the spirit. Have you ever been in a room that's dark and someone walks in and flips the light on and you kind of go, oh, you know, kind of you kind of went, I used to could see. So I know what you're talking about

and you know what I'm talking. It felt like that. It was a startling experience. I wince from the sudden inrush of the conscious presence of God. Now, I've talked to a few people who have had that. Most don't, but everybody who does their steps real good up to this point, and particularly that Step 5

will tell you that over the next few days or the next few weeks, the lights drastically come up

for most people.

And that's the way it was for me. I got in touch with something I'd never felt before. And that feeling right there has become the guiding star of my whole program. You know, I have no light perception today, but I I know instantly when I step out of the sun into the shade. I know instantly when I step in the sun. I know instantly when I step in the shade. And I can tell you today that I know instantly when I let a Shadow Fall between me and my conscious contact with God.

I went into treatment center one time and this dude said, Dave, I'm having trouble contacting my higher power. And I said, well you don't need to be trying to contact your higher power. He said I, I don't. I said no, no, you're supposed to work the steps. I said and pay close attention to steps 4 through 9 where we remove the things that block us. I said if you'd do a good job removing the blocks. I said he'll contact you.

And this other dude is sitting there kind of sassy. He said, what if I don't believe in God? And I said, well, you will. Then

we are now on a different basis. The big book says we trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. That's a different basis, isn't it?

Infinite God is in control rather than my pea brain. It's a good thing I didn't name the conference.

We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Did you know we've been given an assignment? We got it at step three. He said here's what I will do, if you will agree to do this, to keep close to me and perform my work. Well. Keeping close to him is continuing to do that inventory and and keeping that conscious contact with God. You know why? So that he can direct me

to help other Alcoholics. Oh, I thought he was going to direct you how to run your life. No, He can do that without any help from me.

I keep a conscious contact with God so he can direct me in helping other Alcoholics and addicts, and that's my assignment. And I am now in the world for that reason. Everybody says I know I'm here in this world for a reason. I say, are you in a a? Yeah, well, here's your reason. Whatever you know, you might have thought you were going to be a brain surgeon. You might have thought you were going to be a rock star, you whatever you might have thought, and you still might be those things. But I want you to know that it's not your primary purpose.

The only hope we have in an all powerful God solving this unsolvable problem that we have is that I agreed to make this my primary purpose in order for Him to manage my life. And I must make darn sure that I don't let anything else

to think that that's my assignment, it says. I am now in the world for this assignment,

and if I want to experience that kind of power, that sort of remarkable things, that sort of being rocketed into another dimension to suddenly find myself in a new and wonderful world, I must keep the primary purpose in the crosshairs and don't lose sight of it.

He would do this. If I would do this,

he would bring all his power to bear upon my need

to perform miracles and remarkable things.

If I would just simply

make my primary purpose to try to see what I can do to help another alcoholic and addict. And does that sound like an adventure?

That does to me. And it has been. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. See, we did that inventory stuff and got into this contact with this power, and now we vigorously commence this way of living

since we've cleaned up the past, it says, and we have entered the world of the Spirit. Oh, there's the miraculous

4th dimension, All them words that we tend to just think is just poetic speech. No, they meant it. We have entered the world of the Spirit.

I remember I skimmed right back, right past that one time like I do everything else. I thought, yeah, the world of the Spirit. But I tell you, when it gripped me and I knew I was in it. See, I'm I'm, I'm still kind of new in recovery. I'm telling you all about my first few months and 1st year, first year and a half in recovery as, as I'm, you know, growing in this experience. And so I read that we have entered the world of the Spirit, and I thought that's sweet highlight that.

And I got up one morning and had a nice morning meditation time and was off going to the early morning meeting, 8:30 that morning. And I, and I remember saying, God, I would like a new person to work with today. I'd been having some experience sharing in the meetings and people saying that I was sharing some things that helped and I was enjoying that depth of my recovery and my contribution. And that day I, I wanted to, I wanted to get out a little bit deeper in the water. And I said, God, I, I wonder if I could

have somebody maybe to sponsor or something.

And I went off to that meeting and I shared in that meeting. And when I come out, this guy come up and said, man, I really liked what you shared. He said I.

He said I'm an alcoholic addict and he said I'm having a hard time quitting the heroin.

He said, I wonder if I could have your phone number. I said sure, and I gave you my phone number. And I went home thinking, yeah, you know, God answered that prayer.

And now my wife had told me that her sister was going to be coming by that day to bring us some homemade egg rolls. Well, now her sister used to be one of my pill connections because she, she's a hypochondriac and has a medicine cabinet full of stuff that I love. And, and I used to tell her about my bad back all the time. And, and she, you know, she kind of kept me with a little bit of stuff here and there. She was one of several people. You know, we all have a

people.

But now I hadn't told her that I was in recovery. I hadn't seen her in a while. And Norma told me she was going to be coming by to bring some egg rolls. Well, I came back from that meeting. That guy got my phone number. I go home and and I decided to lay down and take a nap. And I'm laying there trying to go to sleep. My hair knock on the door. And I said, who is it? Well, it was her sister. I said, Oh yeah. So I went to the door and opened the door and I let her in. And we walk in the kitchen and I opened the refrigerator and she hands me a pan to put in the refrigerator. And I said it in there. And she said here's something else. And

reached over and she handed me another pan with tenfold on it, you know, and it was some, I don't know, rice or whatever. And I put that in the refrigerator. And she said, here's something else. And I put my hands like this. And she poured a pile of Vicodin in my hand,

and my heart started beating so hard I was afraid she was going to hear it or see it or something.

And she said there, that ought to hold you for a while.

Look to me like one big goat.

So I was in a hurry to try to get her out the door, you know, and and so I finally shoved her out the door and closed the door. And I'm heading back to the refrigerator, get the water jug. And I'm thinking, wait a minute. No, no, I'm not supposed to do this. I'm not supposed to do this. And now I'm going walking around the house fighting with my hand. Yes, no, yes, no. Oh God, it was torture.

It was torture. And, and, and I think put him in the drawer and tried to take the nap. I put him in the drawer and laid down. Ha ha ha. You can't go to sleep when something is screaming that loud.

So I got up and got him out of the drawer and I'm walking around the house again, you know, saying yes, no, don't know, I can't, I'm not supposed to do this. And and finally Norma came home and went in the bedroom to change. And I said go tell Norma and I'm running down the hallway and this dude pops up again and he grabbed me by the shirt. He said hold on there, let's talk this over.

He usually wins them talks

and I'm just getting tired of being ripped in half. Ripped in half by the yes and the no. And I said heck with it, heck with it. I'm just going to take them and then talk about it later.

Y'all are familiar with that? And so I turned around, I'm heading back down the hallway to go get that water jug as quick as I can. And as I'm going through the kitchen door, there's a little table right there with a phone. If I would have been a step past that phone and it rang, I would have said, Norma, can you get the phone 'cause I didn't want to be stopped now, you know, And if it, if it would have rang with me a step or two ahead of the ahead of that, I would have had time to think and said, Norma, would you get the phone? But it rang at the precise second that I didn't have to think at all. I just grabbed the phone as I went