Bill L. from Dunellen, NJ and Mike L. from West Orange, NJ reading Working with Others (pages 89 96) at a Big Book step workshop in West Orange, NJ

Everyone, my name is Mike. I am an alcoholic.

We left off last week on page 96.

We're on the second-half of Chapter 7, Working with Others, which deals with the 12th step

this evening.

Throw away. As Bill and I've been calling it lately, this evening's handout is entitled 12 Stepping Tips, References, Techniques

and Sponsorship Tools in the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. There's a quote on the cover that says helping others is a foundation stone of your recovery. And that's from The Big Book, page 97.

There are a grand total of 346

what we believe to be tips

found through the From the Roman Numeral section to page 164 of the Big Book.

We believe these statements to be all tips as far as 12 stepping sponsorship,

anything concerning the 12th step.

I have no unearthly idea if this is every reference concerning that, and there may be some things in here that are far stretch. But Bill and I did this sometime last fall and what it did for me was just convince me that the whole text section of this book

has everything to do with a 12 step call.

The reason this book was written was to make a 12 step call.

This book was initially intended for mail order sobriety. There weren't 2 million people in our fellowship

back then in in 19381939 like there is today.

So again, what what this book is doing is 12 stepping me into the fellowship, into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And a man Bite A by the name of Don P from Colorado often says that

that this book shows me how to be a sponsor,

not just from Chapter 7, but from all the chapters

by me working the steps and applying these principles to my life. It shows me how to do that with the next, with the next suffering alcoholic that comes along. So

again, as as Barefoot Bill always says, this whole deal is about getting out of myself and getting into others, helping others unselfishness. So that's

that's this evening's 20 page throwaway.

Unbelievable.

There's a there's a little story about the first paragraph on page 96 and

I'd like to tell it. Maybe some of you have heard it, maybe some of you haven't. I think it's pretty cute. There was, there was this young lady, she, she was fairly new. She probably had about

90 days of sobriety and she was having, let's say, relationship problems. Imagine that at 90 days of sobriety, any of us having a relationship values. But she was, she was getting frustrated. She was having a hard time getting a little boyfriend and Alcoholics Anonymous. And after a meeting one night, she, she went to her sponsor and, and she expressed this and, and you know, she said she was lonely. She was looking looking for a boyfriend

and mentioned something about SCX and and the sponsor said listen, anything you want to know about sex and relationships in the big book Alcoholics Anonymous you can find on page 69. Now this young lady may have had a dose of dyslexia, so when she went back home, she turned to page 96 at a big book,

and this is what she learned about sex and relationships.

Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You're sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer.

We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. Imagine that to spend too much time on anyone situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if you continue to work on them, get it, work on them.

He might have deprived many others who have since recovered of their chats.

So even though you guys may not be impressed with that little story, I certainly AM.

Probably because sometimes I love the sound of my own voice. But seriously, that is a real important paragraph. I kind of raced through it last week because we were running short on time.

This paragraph tells me that if a person isn't willing to do what we of Alcoholics Anonymous do,

then don't waste too much time with that person. Move on to the next person.

And

when someone

I brought up last week

about the principle of of caring, at least that that's what I call it, the principle of caring, which means if you show me through your actions that you do not care, I can't care.

But if you show me through your actions that you do care, I have to care. I'm responsible. I have to care. If you care, I have to care.

And that and that. Really, this paragraph for relates exactly to that.

Now the rest of the next few pages is going to get into the second visit.

If you remember last week,

all those pages from 89

up into where we conclude it last week

are all about just the first visit with the with the alcoholic and going on the on the 12 step call.

So now we've we visit with the with the man or woman once we've lent them notice it said lent them. But I have a bunch of big books in my house and and I just sometimes I give them away.

So we we gave a copy of this book

and we assumed that they that they read it in between the 1st and the 2nd visit. Now

what I used to do with somebody a fun upon my initial conversation to them, whether I 12 step them into the fellowship or whether I met him in the fellowship and they had been dry for a period of time. My technique was to tell them to go home and read the 1st 100 the doctors, the Roman numeral section including doctors opinion and work 1st 164 pages

and their eyes were just glazed over and

and I knew that they weren't very motivated to do that, particularly because knowing from my own experience, Alcoholics usually don't know how to read,

but that's what I did for a period of time. Now what I do is I read with the person or I read to the person what however it works out the best. When I came into our beautiful fellowship, I couldn't read. I mean, I could read words, I could pronounce words,

but I had a comprehension problem beyond all belief. I would read a paragraph and go to the next and had no clue what the paragraph before was. I just my memory was shot. I was so burnt by alcohol I I just couldn't comprehend things. Sometimes I'd read a sentence and and I would just lose my train of thought.

Sometimes I get lost in the middle of a sentence.

I don't know about you guys, but I would. And today, if I'm still not careful, I can be reading and my mind will start thinking about something else. And I'm just reading the words, but I'm not comprehending. I have no idea what I'm doing, but it's the mind's incredible when it comes to that. So today I

I read to the other person or I read with the other person.

And

so

suppose you're, you're now making your second visit to a man or a woman. He has read this volume and this is the important part and says he is prepared to go through with the 12 steps of the program of recovery. And that's where that little exercise that I shared with you last week comes into play, where I haven't turned the page 59 and I haven't read each each of the 12 steps. And I asked him two questions.

Is this the step you want to do? Is this what you want to do?

And the second question is, are you willing to go to any lengths to do it?

And before I ask them, before I hadn't go home and answer those two questions for each step, I outlined the program of action for them

and I tell them a little bit about what each step is going to entail so they can have a clue as to what any lengths looks like. You know, NIA, we love to say, well, you have to go to any lengths. Got to be willing to go to any lengths.

Go out in the middle St. and play in traffic. That's any links. Go in a corner, stand on your head in your underwear. That's any legs. That's not any legs. Any legs

is, is whatever actions are required to carry out the 12 step program of recovery.

That's any lengths as I know it, and that's any lengths as this book knows it describes it. So that's what I described to them. And they can decide for themselves if this is what they want to do. If they don't want to do the 12 steps, that's OK. I don't have a problem with that. I don't get paid for this stuff. I'm not, I'm not losing Commission.

I don't care. Well, I do get paid. I don't get paid cash. I get paid very handsomely. It's it's just a different kind of getting paid.

So the person you're working with, the person you're 12 stepping, is prepared to go through with the 12 steps of the program recovery. Having had the experience yourself

hit hit, you can give him much practical advice.

Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision. What step is that, guys

make make a decision, step three and tell his story. What step do we think that would be?

Have you fist that right assuming he's going to write inventory in the middle of there,

but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else, All right, Just let him know that if you want to go through 12 steps of recovery, I'm willing to take you through the steps.

I'm willing to make this incredible third step decision with you, which is nothing more than a decision to go ahead with the rest of the program recovery. And I'm willing to listen to your inventory. I'm willing to hear your fist at, but if I'm not the guy

that

that you're guided to do this with, then that's OK too. You know, there's plenty of plenty of people in a a that do this work. So, you know, they get to decide.

He may be broke or homeless. If he is, you might try to help him about getting a job or give him a little financial assistance. But you should not deprive your family or creditors of money they should have. I think that's an important point. You know,

I don't play doctor. I don't take people into my house and detox them. That's very dangerous. I think that's a very dangerous game. We're supposed to put them in the hospital, let the hot, let the medical profession

detox them because people can die very easily from detoxing off alcohol.

But after that process is done, if they're, if they're broke or homeless and you've consulted with your family and, and it's OK with them. I mean, I'm, I'm sure Wifey Pooh and the kids are just thrilled to, to have drunks come live in the home for a month. You know,

Lois did it. Lois put up with it, you know, 'cause she knew it was helping Bill. But some families would just

prefer that we don't do that, and that's OK too.

Just remember, this 12 step is not just about working with other Alcoholics. It's not just about practicing the principles within the fellowship. It's about practicing the principles in all our affairs. And I probably spend more time in my household than I do anywhere else.

Perhaps you'll want to take the man into your home for a few days, but be sure you use description discretion. Excuse me? They're not telling you to do this. They're telling you it's your own choice. And be careful when you do it. If you do it, be certain he will be welcomed by your family and that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections or shelter. You know,

permit that you only harm him, you'll be making it possible for him to be insincere. You may be aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery. And in my experience, it's really unfortunate, but it happens that

some people come in alcohol synonymous just because they want to get a roof over their head. You know, they don't really want to genuinely get sober,

but who knows? Who am I to play God? Maybe, if, maybe if I give him a roof over their head and share what's so freely given to me,

who knows, they might just get sober

beyond their own discretion, you know? That's why more and more when it comes to this work, I go with my intuition. You know, 'cause

guy. Guy by the name Scott R from California says it all the time. We don't even know what we're doing when we're doing it. You know, we have no idea what we're doing, what we're when we're doing it. And a set of tapes that I'm currently listening to,

it's called the secret, the secret power of, of serendipity. And I tell you, that's a great definition for serendipity. The dictionary gives an awesome definition for it. But I, I think we don't know what we're doing even when we're doing it pretty pretty much describes that.

And, and quite often that's my journey through the 12 steps. I have no clue what I'm doing, what I'm doing it. I thought, and I guess I'm going off a little bit here, but I thought this year when I wrote resentment inventory about my weight, I thought I was just right in resentment inventory to get free of the regret and the resentment that I had towards myself.

And lo and behold, a couple months, a couple months later, something happened

and I'm starting to lose weight, I'm starting to exercise, and I'm feeling really good. I didn't plan for that to happen. I tried to make that happen for a long, long time, and all I did was take a few simple actions

on the back end of that and God, God, godliness, the power of the universe, serendipity, life force, whatever you want to call it,

produce the result.

So as Barefoot Bill would say, I guess I went off a little bit,

so welcome me back. Never avoid these responsibilities, but be sure you're doing the right thing if you assume them.

Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. And I believe that in the original manuscript

before this book was published, it said self sacrifice to others is the foundation stone of your recovery. Again, getting out of me and getting into you, getting out of the problem, getting into the solution.

I missed this statement about foundation stone for a long time. If you notice, it's on the cover of the of the throwaway this week. And

you know, we've touched on the stones, We've touched on the foundation upon a complete foundation of willingness. It's my first step, my cornerstone, a belief or a willingness to believe in a power greater than myself. Second step, keystone. Third step, made a decision, right? We talked about all those stones and it wasn't until probably about a year ago that I finally understood.

What it means here when it says helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. The man who 12 step me, I was not 12 step into. Well, I was but was by the Police Department, but I was by a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was not 12 step into the fellowship of Alcoholics and honest. But once I got here, I was 12 steps, so to speak. And the man who reached out to me, the man who put his hand

to me and said I will be your sponsor because he knew that I wasn't, probably wasn't going to ask her one, but he was responsible. He put his hand out and he's. He told me that if you want the help, I will help you.

Little did I know that

that was the foundation stone.

See, the steps are not linear. The steps are not in the straight line. They're not up and down. They're circular. I believe today that that everything in life is circular. We're all connected to to each other. And I believe everything, every occurrence,

everything that happens into my life, it's all connected. It's all this moment is connected to the next moment and the previous moment is connected to this moment and on and on and on and on. So I like to look at the steps in a chain today, which means that

of course the first step is connected to the 12th with two through 11 in the middle.

But we don't just stop there. The 12th step then hooks itself back to the first step because for anyone in this room that does that has done and does 12 step work with Alcoholics,

what a better way to get in touch with your own first step.

Another man says it a little bit differently. He says go get some puke on your shoes and then you'll remember what your first step is.

So I was given my foundation stone when I was 12 step. I was

step 12, even though I didn't take the actions of it. But step 12 was a part of my life before the first step was or before my admission of the first step was. And I like to, I like to look at this in, in the analogy of

the, my, my first sponsor, the man who 12th at me gave me this stone or this rock or boulder or whatever you want to call it. He gave me the stone and I was able to put that stone into my foundation

and that stone became the first part of my first step foundation.

And then having gone through the first step and take taking a look at the three different parts, the physical allergy with the body and the mental obsession with the mind and the spiritual malady

that all filled in the rest of my foundation.

Now it also hooks back into when I'm working with a drunk. Today I'm collecting, so to speak, more foundation stones. This time I'm doing the 12 step work. I'm making a call

and I'm gathering, so to speak, with every person I help. I'm I'm gathering more stones into my foundation and then my foundation, which is my first step, becomes that much more stronger by working with other Alcoholics.

And I didn't see that for a long time.

What I do now and and because of that, you guys were just Privy to a 5 minute discourse on the foundation stone. But kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to.

You think they meant have to? No, they couldn't have meant have to. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day if need be.

It may mean the now

in a joking sort of way. I refer to these as the 12 step promises. It may mean the loss of many nights sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions in your business. Great promises, huh? It may mean sharing your money in your home. Oh yeah, that's what I wanted to do when I signed up for a a counseling. Frantic wives and relatives innumerable. Well, I pronounced it right.

Trips, the police, courts, sanitariums, hospital, jails and asylums.

Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. Your your wife may. Sometimes my eyes played a trick done trick on me and after I read your wife, I skipped down to the next line. So for a split second it looked like your wife. Your wife may smash the furniture in your hall.

She might do that too.

A good dose, Alan. I'll take care of that. Your your wife may sometimes say she is neglected. A drunk may smash the furniture in your home or burn the mattress. You may have to fight with him if he is violent. Nah, I've ceased fighting anyone or anything. Call the cops on the SLV. No, I'm just kidding. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and minister Sedatives under his directions.

Another time you may have to send for the police. Oh, I guess I wasn't kidding. Or an ambulance.

Occasionally you will have to meet such conditions. Beautiful set of promises, huh? Hey, we seldom allow an alcoholic to live in our homes for for long at a time. It is not good for him and it sometimes create serious complications in the family. Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no reason why you should neglect his family. Again. How? How often do we hear about Alan on 12 step calls? Well, if you go to if you go to Al Anon family groups, you probably hear about it in there.

But why aren't we hearing it in Alcoholics Anonymous?

Because it says right here, if the drunk doesn't want our help, we could 12 step family. We could 12 step the family members.

The 12th step was originally written, if I can remember this,

having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps. We tried to carry this message to others, especially Alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

But they they did change that.

You should continue to be friendly to them. The family should be offered your way of life. Should they accept and practice spiritual principles, there is a much better chance at the head of the family will recovery.

You know, we know that. We know that alcoholism is definitely a family disease,

so why can't we have family recover?

And even though he continues to drink, the family will find life more bearable for the type of alcoholic who is able and willing to get well. Little charity and ordinary sense of the word is needed or want it. The men who cry for money and shelter before conquering alcohol or on the wrong track. Yet we do go to great extremes to provide each other with these very things when such action is warranted. This may seem inconsistent, but we think it is not.

Guys, go with your intuition. You know what you do for one person may not be the same that you do for the next. Go to your intuition. Let God be your inner God.

It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to give. Very important. Good principle. Good principle, not just for drunks, but for any area of my life

that often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for.

Well, I'll never get sober unless she comes back. I'll never get sober until

or I can't do this a a thing until I find the job, or I can't go to meetings until I find a job and on and on and on and on.

Nonsense.

Some of us have taken very Hard Knocks to learn this truth. Job or no job, Wifey poor, no wifey poo. We simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man or woman that he or she can get. Well, regardless of anyone it says, burn that idea in their head. Burn it.

Spouse doesn't have to come back,

employer doesn't have to rehire, they don't have to find a job. They don't have to get a car. All they have to do is have a willingness to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools and take some simple actions and go through this program recovery. And

the great thing about this program is that it's available to all,

providing that we have the willingness to go through it,

or as, as the book says, the only condition is that he trusts God in clean house.

How much simpler can it be?

From what I remember I think this is a Doctor Bob quote. Trust God, help others clean house. I think it is I, I may be incorrect,

but it's definitely a quote that's that's very appropriate.

Now the domestic problem, well, we can just skip over that because I'm sure none of us in this room have had domestic problems. There may be divorce, separation, or just strain relations. When your prospect has made such reparation as he can to his family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he is living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at the home.

Huh. Work a step a year.

My God, that that's wisdom.

No, it says,

start bringing these principles into our home right away. Explain to them, don't, don't leave the family members in the dark. Let them know what we're trying to do. Don't preach to them. Just say honey, I kids,

Bubba, whatever. I, I've been sick for a long, long time and they'll probably look at you and go, no shit.

And I'm hurting and I need some help. And I found this great fellowship, these great people and, and they're going to help me and, and,

and this is a little bit about it. And I think if I can work this deal, I think,

think I can get over this drinking thing. And, you know, please have a little bit of patience with me. And they'll probably say we've been having patience with you for 20 years, you know, But talk to him. Don't leave him in the dark. Let him know what's going on. My God, we take here I go again. We take anonymity to the most absurd extremes. I heard a story not too long ago

that

a gentleman's own son, this gentleman had 20 some odd years sober in the fellowship and his own son did not even know that he was in the program of Alcoholics. And honest.

Not the way I want to live.

Oh, where was I?

So begin to put these new principles in the home. He should.

That is, if he is lucky enough to have a home. Yeah, good point. Those family be at fault in many respects. He should not be concerned about that. He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and fault finding. Excellent principle. Argument and fault finding. Or to be avoided like the plague

in many homes. This is a difficult thing to do, but it must be done. I don't think he meant must do you, but it must be. That couldn't have meant must must be done if any results are to be expected. If any positive results are to be expected. You'll get results, it just won't be too positive. It persisted in for a few months. The effect on a man's family is sure to be great. The most incompatible people discover that they have

a basis upon which they can meet. Little by little, a family may see their own defects and admit them. These these can then be discussed in an atmosphere of helpfulness and friendliness, great principles. I mean, we're talking about the 12th step. We're talking about working with trunks. But along through the way, they're giving us great principles, helpfulness and friendliness. Dear God, please, please show me how I can bring helpfulness and friendliness

into my home, into my job, into every area of my life.

After they have seen tangible results at

after the family sees a change within me, the family will perhaps want to go along.

You know, in many cases, the family sees the alcoholic get, well, they get a little jealous and they're like, man, I want some of that stuff. And if they're drinkers and if they be Alcoholics, sometimes, you know, it's that that old adage about you never know when you're going to be a living example of a big book for somebody.

And if the spouse is an alcoholic, maybe just by their husband or wives, changing that brings them into the fellowship

of a a or al Anon or, or or what have you. Or maybe they'll seek out their own spiritual path. Maybe, maybe they'll go to a church. You know, we again, I guess the theme of tonight's meeting is we have no idea what we're doing when we're doing it.

I guess I'm going to have to pay royalties to Scott for that one,

although I've probably given him credit three times tonight so I don't have to do that anymore

after they have seen tangible bills. Going to crack up when he hears this tape. Love you buddy.

After they have seen tangible results, the family will perhaps want to go along. These things will come to pass naturally and a good time provided. However the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate and helpful. More principles, guys, regardless of what anyone says or does.

Of course, we all fall much below this standard at times, but we must try.

Try not to say we're going to. They're not saying we're going to be successful every single time, but we must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty of the spree.

If there be divorce or separation, there should be no undue haste for the couple to get to get together.

Well. I just love the way sponsors in a a love to play God.

Don't go back to your wife. Don't see your wife for a year.

I think you should get a divorce.

My God, this book doesn't say that.

This book says that there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together. Doesn't say they're going to get back together, but at least give it a try.

How dare I play God in Alcoholics Anonymous?

Don't want that responsibility?

The man should be sure of his own recovery. The wife should fully understand his new way of life. Again. Let's talk to our families. Let's let him know what's going on. They may not want to hear it, but make the attempt nonetheless.

If their old relationship is to be resumed, it must be on a better basis since the former did not work.

This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is, sometimes it is to be.

Let me try this again. Sometimes it is to the best interest of all concern that a couple remain apart.

It's it's in the concern of the couple. It's not by mandate of the sponsor,

mind you. Now that

these folks didn't work as stuffy here,

these folks didn't feel better until they wrote their inventory.

These folks were working steps immediately after they came off of alcohol.

In many cases within a couple weeks, guys were having spiritual experiences that were changing their lives. And that's why they're, that's why they're talking about the family stuff now.

But somehow,

somehow, in this day and age, in a a, it's, it's chic

to procrastinate with the steps, if we do them at all.

Of course, you're going to remain separated from your wife

if you're a dry drunk and you don't have a revolutionary spiritual change. But these guys were getting them quick, you know,

and for the ones that weren't getting the spiritual experiences, they were awakening. But I can guarantee that once they start applying the steps to their life and taking some actions, and particularly working with other Alcoholics, very quickly upon them being sober themselves, they were seeing some sort of change in their life.

They were working with, they were working with trunks right out of chute.

Can you imagine that?

I'm not quite sure when Doctor Bob went on his first 12 step call when Bill and Bob what met with a #3 Bill D, but I'm pretty sure it was probably within a couple weeks of Doctor Bob taking his last drink. I'm pretty sure that.

Can you imagine if, if Bill would have told Bob,

no,

you got to go. You got to have 90 days before you speak.

Yeah.

You can't work with a new guy until you have a year. You can't sponsor someone. You can't chair a meeting until you have five years. We come on, we would have never had our fellowship.

This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes is being best interests of all concerned that a couple remain apart? Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let the alcoholic continue his program day by day. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties. Why will it be apparent to both parties? Because they use the power of prayer, meditation,

and they were hooked up with God. They were hooked up with God quickly

and they're able to go with their intuition and they knew these things. And yeah, sometimes when we go there, sometimes our intuition isn't correct and we and we make mistakes.

But how do we know unless we test it?

Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has the family back.

Mentioned a couple times in this chapter, this just isn't so. In some cases, the wife will never come back for one reason or another. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon other people, is dependent upon his relationship with God. We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all. We have seen others slip when the family came back too soon.

I love this sentence. This was one of my sponsors over the year.

Used to love this sentence and all the time

and it's

if you can kind of when I read this sentence, if you can kind of conjure an image into your mind. I, I think it's a just, if we could paint a picture out of that image. It's just a beautiful nonverbal description of alcohol phenomena. Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. Both you and a new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress.

You know, I, I see the vision I get when I, when I think of that or when I read that is that we're going shoulder to shoulder down this path. I literally see a path in, in, in my mind and we're going down this path and I'm not ahead of, I'm not ahead of the new person and the new person isn't lagging behind me. We're both shoulder to shoulder

because it says both you and a Newman must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. He must be making spiritual progress, and I must continue to make spiritual progress.

That keeps me out of the trap of being holier than thou.

I I try to get real clear with with the people I sponsor or take through the steps that I am no better and no worse than you. We, we are both equals. We are peers

and and I'm going to try my darndest not to preach from any moral or spiritual hilltop and sober longer than you. And trying to live a spiritual life doesn't mean that I have some sort of PhD in, in recovery.

It just means that somebody freely passed on to me

what I have today, and therefore I'm responsible to pass it on to you. So let's, let's trudge this deal shoulder to shoulder day by day in the path of spiritual progress. By the way, I'm sure it'll come up when we get to page 164. But the definition that I like for Trudge is walking with purpose.

Trojan trudging the road of happy destiny. Walking with purpose, no matter what comes down the Pike,

if you persist, remarkable things will happen. Good promise. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands, we're better than anything we could have planned. Again, that whole the whole principle of serendipity. Follow the dictates of a higher power annual presently live and a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstance. Beautiful set of promises there.

When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels.

Why would I?

You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do but urge upon a man's family that he has been a very sick person

and should be treated accordingly. You should warn against arousing resentment or jealousy. You should point out that his defects of character are not going to disappear overnight. Show that. How do we know that?

Their own experience, right?

Show them that he has entered upon a period of growth. Ask them to remember when they are impatient, the blessed fact that his sobriety. If you have been successful in solving your own domestic problems, telling newcomers family how that was accomplished. In this way, you can set them on the right track without being critical of them. The story of how you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of criticism.

Assuming we're spiritually fit. Big assumption. Assuming we're I don't mean just to look at you,

you're actually a mirror for me.

Assuming,

assuming we're spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things Alcoholics are not supposed to do. I mean, these are the next couple pages that nobody wants to talk about in in the rooms. They're like, hey,

well, you can't go to a wedding.

God, I can't drive that way to work. I pass a Budweiser billboard for Christ sake. You know I can't work with a new guy. He has liquor on his breath. That'll be a trigger.

That's not what this stuff is talking about, guys

Talking about if I've gone through the 12 steps and I've changed, I need not worry about that stuff.

It says, people have said we must not go where liquor is served. We must not have it in our homes. We must not shun friends who drink. We must have. We must avoid annoyed, avoid Leonard Nimoy.

One mind avoiding him Moving pictures, which show drinking scenes, Moving pictures.

Is that like when you go to an art gallery and someone standing behind a picture and and they're walking down the hallway and is that a moving picture? I I, I don't know,

parties, just avoid them. Avoid those moving pictures. I tell them.

Never jaywalk in front of the moving pictures which show drinking scenes. We must not go into bars. Our friends must hide their bottles if we go into their houses. We mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol.

That's a near impossibility. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.

Now, some people just don't like to have alcohol and alcohol in their own.

That's OK,

Kathy and I have

a bottle of God. I even forget what it is. I I think

which it was there long before I I came into the house, but I, I think it's

what's that stuff ever clear, right. It's grain alcohol and

mainly what she has it therefore is she. She does these oils and perfumes and stuff. She has it there to make that stuff.

But if we ever, if we ever get a person in the house who's shivering, shaking and detoxing and flapping around like a fish in a frying pan, we got some booze that that we can give them, you know, to to so they don't freaking strangle themselves with their own teeth and we can get them off to the hospital and so they can get the medical help that they deserve. But

I I don't necessarily serve alcohol in my home. I have no reason to. I mean, you guys are are my friends and

I mean most of my friends don't drink.

You know, some people entertain and they they need to have liquor in their home that that's their deal, That's their business. The books saying that if I'm spiritually fit, I can do these things. If you're not spiritually fit and you have it in your home, get it the hell out.