The Bradford Treatment Facility in Warrior, AL

I'm Eddie G I'm gonna add it.

Yeah, well, I I asked God today to channel a message through me that will help somebody. But now I want to ask God to remove me from me, to divorce me from me, so that he may work through me. Give me just a moment, please.

I'm supposed to tell you today

in a general way, what did it was like, what happened, and what it's like today.

I'm going to qualify myself by telling you a few instances of my life,

and

I'm going to try not to stay real long in that because there's no sense of me telling you all my war stories. I think that everybody here has war stories of their own or we wouldn't be here.

I was raised here in Birmingham and I was raised by really good parents. I can't say that my mom and dad has any any bearing on on what happened to me other than trying to be good parents and one part of enabling.

And they just thought they were doing the best they could do for me. But my mom and dad, they weren't alcoholic. They like to drink and have a good time. They were normal drinkers. They would drink on the weekend. My brothers, this is, you know, I'm sort of old and back then families would get together and my dad, he played guitar and my mother sang and my brothers played guitars and uncles and we get together and they play guitars and sing and they drink their beer. And, you know, Monday morning, my dad was going to work.

I can honestly say that I've never seen my dad falling down drunk or throwing up or anything like that. You know, I might have seen my mother get sick once that that I can remember it just, you know, they drank, had a good time and was able to continue with life.

In my situation, though, that wasn't quite the case there.

Good parents. I went to church when I was a kid. I got saved, I got baptized. I love going to church. You know, I had a good heart. God, God was in my life and

you know, I didn't know it till I got to this program about wanting to fit in and things of that nature. But my mom and dad, we moved around a lot. I've probably been to every school in Jefferson County. My mother, God rest us all. We would move to a neighborhood

and it wouldn't be two or three months and she'd be riding through another neighborhood and see a house that she liked better. And we were moved. And as a result of that, you know, kids are sort of mean. And when a new kid comes to school, well, he ain't got no friends. And usually the ones that you end up being friends with is a two or three kids on the playground that comes over and wants to play with you because they're the kids that are the outcast from all the cool kids anyway. You know, I don't know if you've ever experienced that, but now

I've been in this program and able to look back on my life, I see that trend start that I wanted to put in. And I was in the Boy Scouts the first time I ever got drunk. I was in the Boy Scouts and I was 11 years old. And we went to Eglin Air Force Base and they to see the Thunderbirds fly and they had these beer machines, like Coke machines in every variance. And I don't think they had planned on 11 year old kids coming down staying in those barriers

because we get that beer machine real heavy and ended up having to have the MPs to bring us back to our barracks. We got lost on the base.

I pissed all over myself and woke up the next morning with a bad headache and I was never going to do that again.

But it ended up that this wasn't the case. The first time I ever got high was with a friend with my first concert was Billy Joel, that Boutwell Auditorium, and I was 11 years old during that same period of time. That's when the thing started happening for me and his sister smoked a joint with us. Now, when I smoked that joint, I was sure I was going to do that again. I really enjoyed that, that high,

you know,

I was scared of doctors, didn't like shots when I was a kid, all these things, you know. So of course I was never going to shoot dope. That didn't end up being the case, you know. But there's a lot of things that were yet for me, you know, and that's the reason when I tell you my story, I hope you look for the similarities, not the differences.

Because when I was out there getting high, you know, I always seen differences in other addicts. Like when I started doing crystal meth and, and when I started doing cocaine, even a lot of people put coke on their gums. And you know, a lot of the people that I got high with or would buy dope and stuff, they, they would come and they'd have teeth falling out, you know, and I'd come in.

I'm never going to be like that. Well, you know what, that was a yet. I'm right now in case of getting teeth pulled, getting dentures, you know, that was just a yet.

So

I

when I was 13, I was going to school in Gresham Junior High School. My that same friend smoked that joint with me. We were in PE and he had this little piece of cardboard. And he goes, hey man, come on Eddie, try this man. And I'm like looking at it and it's a piece of cardboard y'all with a red, white and Blue Man on it shooting a piece side. I'm like, what's that going to do? You know?

So he told me to chew it up. So I took it, chewed it up. He goes, hey, where's rest of that? I was wrestling. You told me chew it up. It was a four way hit and Mr. Natural,

our next class, the best I remember, was a history class and the teacher of it was this great old big lady. And all I know is all I can remember about all this was that I'm sitting there and she's writing on the blackboard. The next thing I know, hair starts growing out of her body all over and she turned into a full grown ape right on the blackboard. And I started laughing. I mean, if you've ever done acid, you know what I'm talking about. I started laughing. I couldn't stop laughing

and my friends was in the class, the next class down the Holland, they heard me laughing. So you know what happened to them. They started laughing. They're escorting us all through the principals office. We can't quit laughing. I get suspended for three days and my mother comes and picks me up and I'm sitting in the back seat because, you know, I didn't want her to know nothing. I'm sitting in the back seat and I've got my shit together, you know, because of the fear. And we're driving home and she looks back back and she goes, what happened to you son? You get

box turned up. I lost it again. Man

oh man. But you know, I can tell you this about my using

from the time that between 11 and 13 years old, I realized that whatever school that I ended up going to, that there was people there. This was in the 70s that like to get high and everybody was smoking pot. And if you were cool, you were cool and you fit in wherever you went.

And I had long blonde hair down my back and I fit in everywhere I went because there was always somebody wanted to get hot, you know. And at a young age, I had a guy that started fronting me weed and I started selling lids back then, four finger lids for $15. And they gave me a deal on them. So I got 3 weeks. And back then Foosball was real popular. And I'd walk into Foosball Hall and I had all kinds of friends and people, They were glad to see me. They had been waiting to see me, you know. And I found a new way to live at that point.

And I don't have to tell you about my cocaine use. I'm here for California and I moved to California and 1980. And I don't have to tell you about cocaine in California in 1980 because they later wrote a movie about it called Blow. Cocaine was everywhere, y'all? I mean, I'm telling you, we used to sit in the bars and do lines of cocaine in the bar off the table. It was this acceptable? I mean, everybody was getting high out there and

you know me and at that time I met a girl in Mobile. I got into a traveling sales job at a lot at a young age. I left here about 16. Well, I was about to turn 17. And a friend of mine that I've met here was from Cincinnati, OH. And he had a brother that had a traveling or was a manager in a traveling sales company. And the guy that he worked for

like to travel to the nicest places at the nicest times of the year. So what he did is he had these sales, the sales team, we were like a little family and we sold knife sets

all over the United States. And I went to work in Chicago, IL. My parents were scared to death, me going to a big city like that, being just a little Alabama boy. And I got up there and we were supposed to sell seven sets of knives a day. And y'all, I was the worst salesman in the world. I sold zero to one on a good day.

You know, they were fixing to leave and go to Hawaii. And when they would leave Chicago, when it would start getting cold, we would fly to Hawaii and work over there during the summer. Well, man, I come from a poor family. My my family, the only people that ever been to Hawaii and my whole family was an aunt and an uncle. And he was a State Park Ranger for state of Alabama. And she was a X-ray technician. And

that meant a lot to me to get to go. And the owner came to me and he said, look at he says, you know, we all like you'd like for you to be able to go. And I love this job because when I got to Chicago, this guy, he had two jet boats down on the Chain of lakes up by Waukegan, IL.

It's called the Fox River there, and it's a chain of lakes. And we have jet boats. And on these lakes there's bars everywhere we see, because I was hanging out with him, I got to go in all the bars and drink. We drive the boats from bar to bar, Man, I had a ride, man. I was living like the life, you know. And

so he told me I had to start writing myself pitch and he gave me these books to read. And I tell you this part of my story because I think it's real important about that ego and that never lose attitude and that I could beat anything. But he gave me a book called Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and I read it like 13 times.

Also ended up reading books by Zig Ziglar and W Clement Stone and all these books that developed this enemy. When I got in Hawaii, I ended up getting to go, I got my cells up. When I got to Hawaii, I ended up breaking the company record over there. I ended up being a crew manager at like 18 years old. I had a crew car and I got to drive around, you know. And I tell you, my second trip to Hawaii, I ended up leaving the island because me and my best friend, Rick Morlock at that time

was a guy got me your job. We have found some mushroom tea one day. And on the island, after you've been there a while, there's something they call rock fever. You get, I mean, you can only go so far. Yeah. I mean, you know, you can only do so many things. And a lot of people that develop what's called rock fever, they just want off that island. Well, we drink this mushroom tea and I got rock food

and all I remember about that was flying off of the island. I remember I answered the airline attendant when I got on the plane which side was going to turn up and face the island because I wanted to see it when I left and she told me the wrong side. So when we took off, I just got up and undid my seat belt, walked to the other side to an empty seat and they were screaming at me. The next thing I remember I woke up and there was these people selling flowers and I asked one of them where I was and she said I was at LAX International Airport.

So so they were movies and they were selling flowers as well. It ended up being So I called my boss and told him that I got rock fever and left the island. I didn't tell him I was doing mushroom tea, but I ended up going home and I met this girl there and her not with California in 1980. She ended up becoming the the mother of my son in 1982. I've been in the car business out there and I did really well.

I we were building our first home and

hard eyes both. I met this girl in mobile. I'ma tell you I was selling speed when I met her and man it was instant love. This girl liked to drink like I did. She liked to party like I did. We just was a match,

you know, and we ended up going to California and she got pregnant in 82. And, you know, I decided that I didn't want my son, you know, to be raised by a drug addict. I mean, her and I were doing cocaine all the time and I

so we decided that what we would do, and this was my first geographical change to not use. We decided that we would move up to up on the high desert up there to Apple Valley. And that's where if we built our home by Hesperia Act actually. And

what happened was, is that we did pretty good for a couple of weeks

and then we got that great attic thought that, you know, with the shoes on the weekends, we'll be able to control it this time. And I can tell you this, that within about eight months, we had a loss at home already. And it wasn't long after that. And we came back to Birmingham for our big geographical change. We weren't here very long. And she left and she took my son. I ended up getting my son

in about 6 to 8 months after that

and I raised him for the next five or six years. And when I did that, I did real well. I did that at it quit. I didn't do no cocaine, but you know, I would smoke pot. I never let my son send me smoke pot. I never drank and drove with him in the car. I only partied when I didn't have him or you know, if my parents was watching things like that. So I I maintained for about

run around seven years and he ended up going back to live with his mother.

And when he did that

party was on. As a matter of fact, I ended up going back to California. And when I got back out to California this time they had a new drug out there and I liked it a lot better than I like cocaine. It was called Crystal

and everybody was doing it. It was the shit. And so I was in the car business and I was a general manager for a car dealership and I dealt with bankers and influential people on a day-to-day basis, as well as my dealer principle. And you know, I had a program down that worked for a long time. I would eat breakfast every morning. I would do a line and then I would do another line at about 3:00 in the afternoon.

I would do one when I got off the work at about 7 and I'd go home and I was asleep by two AM, 12 AM.

I'd get up the next morning, eat breakfast. And this went on for about right around seven years.

Umm, then I met this girl one night and she taught me how to smoke it. About 8-9 months after learning how to smoke it, I had lost that job and everybody knew, you know,

I, my life was a wreck and I ended up coming into some money. I've been working out there for a long time and had made some money and came into some money and I moved to Florida and I had a big nice house.

I, I had a big nice boat. I had cars. I had everything in the world going for me and I'd always make good money. And I, you know, that cried me. God used to tell people, you know, that's unheard of for an eighth grade educated Alabama boy to make 100 grand a year, you know, and I thought that was really me. I was something special. You know, you see from that time that I know now is that when I was 11 years old and then I found this new way to live,

I felt completely out of the sunlight of the Spirit.

You know, God was nowhere in my life except for the times that I got arrested or that I couldn't pay bills or something going right, my life, you know, I did them prayers. Then God helped me, you know, and when he didn't help me fuck her, you know, I mean, that's the way it was.

And

I ended up

going to, I'd smoke crap. I, I'd smoke freebase when I was in California, you know, I, I didn't like it that well because I didn't like to fill it. After that, I got through and, but I was in Florida and I met this beautiful young girl. She wasn't one of us. She was 20 years younger than me. This girl loved me to death. We were married for eight years. I taught her how to be one of us. I taught her how to drink,

didn't even like drinking. She used to drink 1/2 of wine cooler and would be glitz and didn't like to fill it. But after being with me for eight years, she learned how to like feel it and I introduced her. I had a business of going in Atlanta and I introduced her to Crystal Matt and she liked that a lot.

And you know, I started really doing it wrong because I would stay at my office and she would get dressed and get ready for us to go out to dinner and things like that. And, you know,

she called me and said, where are you at 10:00? And then 11:00? And then at 1:00, she'd be knocking on my office window and I'd be in there geeking on the computer. And she'd be like, what's up? Well, she ended up meeting a couple of girlfriends and they smoked crack. And she started smoking crack. And that was unacceptable to a speed act like me.

I didn't like crack smokers, you know, and I ended up divorcing her and of her and amends if I could ever find her. But I prayed about it and God will put that in my life when it's time try to find out on the Internet some other things and it didn't happen. So I've learned in this program to let it go and let God

orchestrate that. If it's met debate, then it's meant to be. But our big man,

you know, and I'm willing to do that immense but I lost my business in in Atlanta and I ended up going to stay with my son. Now I, when I started this business, my son, he started in this business with me and that son that I never wanted to know or never wanted to be raised by drug addict.

It ended up I knew that he'd been smoking some pot and he was overweight and he met some friends of mine and he ended up doing speed with him. And so then I started using with him too,

and my son watched what was going on in my life. And also he had a couple of major consequences that happened are actually one major consequence that happened. And he seemed real quick that that wasn't the life that he wanted to live. And he got the hell away from me.

And that was the best thing he ever did. When did I lost that business in Atlanta? I called him and I asked him for help. And he says, yeah, Dad, you can come stay with me and I'll help you. At the time, he was the youngest store manager in the United States for rent-a-center out of over 3000 stores. And he was only 23 years old. I wouldn't stay with him for a while. And he lives in Pascagoula, Ms. and I had went back to California. Back up. I went back to California.

And actually, I called him from California and I came in from Fresno, CA to Pascagoula, Ms. 10 days before Katrina hit. One

trade ahead. I went and started working at a church, giving out food. And man, I watch what God did. God showed me just how all the things that I take for granted, you know, such as when we go to get a drink of water, you know, you think when you turn the faucet on, water is coming out, right? Well, I got to learn just how

a privilege that having water is, you know, I mean, because there wasn't any, you know, and people came together there. You know, I love this book. It talks about that we're like passengers of a great liner after, after crash or whatever that, that we come together, you know, But you know, my experience in Pascagoula is this the way the book explains it because it says passengers of a great minor after the Saints are rescued that they go.

And that's what happened. You know, I got relocated back to Atlanta and I've been over there and, and I ended up coming into some money again. I had 36 grand in the bank. And I thought it would be a real good idea to stop in and see this couple that I'd know

and see how they were doing and just well know how I was doing. Because see, at that time I was testifying in street corners how good God was. I mean, man, I had had this Katrina revelation and God was great. He had saved me and it was all good, man. I was going to church and I was just on Fox. So I thought I'd stop and let them know how good everything was going. And you know, and you know when my attic thinking, you all know, of course, that that really wasn't why I stopped.

I was looking for a party. I know that today in the back of my mind, all the rest of it was this the delusion or the lie that I was trying to tell myself, you know, and I stopped. They happen to have a crack lot laying on the table and I looked at I said, can I hit that? I'll get some more. They were like, that ain't what you thought it was because see, they knew me from doing crystal meth. Okay, I said, oh, I know what it is because I will get at it. I know what all that shit is. I picked it up and I hit it

and I can tell you this

that within three months later, the 36 gram was gone. I had been locked in my apartment. I didn't even go outside to check the mail. I had dealers that would deliver to me.

I, you know, I looked in my dryer for people.

My second sponsor I had in this program, he used to look behind refrigerators for people and I looked in dryers for people. You know, I was convinced somebody was in my dryer. They were trying to get my dough. I lived in about 1000. Well it was 900 and something dollar a month, 1500 square foot one bedroom bachelors apartment in Atlanta.

And I took a 16 penny nail and nailed my bedroom door too with it. And I would pull it out when I need to go to the kitchen you know. And sometimes I'd stay in the living room and nail it because I could watch people walking in there. I knew they were there. I mean, if y'all know what I mean, you know what I mean,

All right? I didn't look through curtains. I put bedspreads over the curtains, comforters. They wouldn't see anything. They wouldn't see my kid, OK? I mean, it was bad, y'all. It was real bad.

You know I used to I I didn't party with guys. Y'all forgive me. I'm just going to tell you the truth man. I ain't party with no hard tales. I had chicks all the time coming over the party I and it got so bad at the end I could be running flicks all day long

and have NECA chicks in the room and all. I'm worried about how my Brillo is holding out.

OK, that's some insanity there. None of that shit mattered to me. All I wanted to know is that next hit was going to be good. That's all I cared about, you know? And

it got really, really, really, really bad. I ended up starting slinging dope because people like what I was getting. Because when you spend that kind of money that quick, you meet a lot of people on the top.

I'd met a connection. It was bringing kilos out of New York and shit was good

and he gave it to me, right? And I was making money because that's something I'd learned to do way back with lids a week. So I always knew how to do that and I always knew how to sling some dope and make some money, get mine free anyway. And I lost that apartment and I ended up taking this lady hostage. She had a nice townhouse and she bought me food. She bought me an 8 ball every day and I could use her car and I had a place that was in good news right there.

This went on for about 10 1/2 months

and I ended up deciding it, I had to do something because I, I knew I didn't care if I died. I was completely ashamed and I wanted to change. I, I desperately did not want to smoke crack and I was trying to quit. I mean, I would wake up every day saying I wasn't going to do it, you know, and then I was just going to do this and that was going to be it. And the whole way I'd be going to get doper or having dope rocket. I wasn't going to do that no more, you know? I mean, every day it was that way.

Like something inside of me, I was going to get hot.

I ended up coming back to Birmingham. I was going to get cleaned here. And my brother, I have a niece and nephew, has been crackheads for 20 years and they've stole stuff from the family and things like that. And I haven't lived here in 30 years. I haven't lived around my family. But when I told my brother what was going on with me, he couldn't let me in, you know, I mean, he, he has a family, you know. And

so I ended up going, staying with a cousin and I, I've been, I've been OK. I don't need dope and a few weeks and my cousin smokes pot. And he, he, he wanted me to smoke some weed. I mean, just kept on at me about it, cleaning out, man, you know, this, this is all right, you know, And I took a few hits of weed with him one evening. And about 3 days later, I found me a crack house in Leeds. And I was, I had a little meat truck and sold me and I did OK. I made money.

And so anyway,

well as a matter of fact, I didn't have my truck then. I was I was using a different renting of vehicle. But anyhow,

yeah, I didn't have my truck. Never mind. Anyway, yeah, I have my truck. Long last. In fact, Shall takes a while to get better, you know.

Anyway, I found this place and I was making money every day. So I ended up, I had my own room in this crack house in Leeds and

thank God I ended up getting arrested February 23rd. Well, actually I got arrested February 22nd, 2007. And you know, I would have never thought a million years in my life that I would say thank God I got arrested. But you know, they're at the end. I didn't care about anything anymore.

I was completely emotionally, spiritually and financially. I was bankrupt. I mean, I was hustling every little bit of meat I could, whatever I could do, just to get money to go buy another hit. I didn't care about living anymore because here was my dad. He's in a assisted living place

and instead be going to and spending time with him. I'm out getting hot. And he was ashamed. I mean, he was ashamed of me. I mean, look who I was. I was a crackhead y'all, my son, God bless him. You know, I was ashamed of being his dad and I was sure that he was ashamed to have a crackhead dad for, for, you know, a crackhead for that.

And

I got arrested and, you know, when I was smoking crack, I told y'all that I, you know, I've been testifying at 3/4 and I can remember, you know,

I wasn't only smoking crack. I mean, I was shooting snow, you know, everything. And I can remember asking God, God, how could you do this to me? How could you? I was walking hand in hand with you and you let Satan reach up and pull me to hell.

You know, that's how I felt. How did you do this to me? You know, thank God for this program and good sponsorship because the sponsor pointed out to me that this book right here says that God didn't do that to me. That was my choice. You know, when I was in jail, I started praying and I had a little Bible and I had a moment of clarity after being in there for about a week or so. You see, I also had a lot of resentment because I asked my family for nothing and I was down there,

nobody coming to Get Me Out. You know, I kept looking out the window, man. I had to top sell. I was in a deep block of 12th cell, 6th floor, and I have the top cell and I can look out the window. I just sit there and look out the window. Those guys in there was telling me, dude, that's going to run you crazy.

Yeah. Kept saying somebody was going to come Get Me Out. Not a lot of resentment. I met a guy in there. He told me, he says Eddie, He says, man, he says you need to pray, pray for blessings on your family because this is killing you, man. You know, he says you need to pray that they're blessed with everything that they need. He says it'll help you.

I was like, are you crazy? That made no sense to me, dude. I mean, somebody doing me wrong, they didn't brought me a toothbrush. Somebody doing me wrong like that, I'm gonna pray for is a freight train to hit their ass, you know, a tornado to take their house. I'm not praying anything good for them, you know, But I did what that man told me to do.

And sure enough, I started something came over me and I, I could tell, I could see that, you know, they were leaving me there because they couldn't let me come stay with them. And that was part of Taskus deal is that I had to have a place to go, you know, and

they were just trying to help me in their own way. And I wasn't their responsibility anyway. And these things started coming over me while I was in jail. And I did, I got better with it. I got I got to where I was OK and I started praying and

something profound happened to me when I was in jail. I did hear a silent still boys and told me that I had gave myself to him when I was little. This is my belief y'all. This book teaches you that you can have any belief of God that you want. But he told me that I was his and he was there to say and I had a sense of peace from that time. I got released after 30 days. They sent me to a recovery house, a halfway house. And you know, in this program you'll hear a lot of times. And then it got worse.

Well, when I got out of jail, they sent me to a recovery houses at 500 block West End. Any y'all familiar with Birmingham? You know, we're Princeton Hospital is, you know where the bottom is. Well, this recovery house that they sent me to, there was people slinging crack on the corner every day,

all right. And when I got and it was me, I was the only white guy in the house. It was me and seven black guys. And when I got there, I went in and this man, this reason, when you read Reaching Out or I read it means so much to me. This man had this recovery house. They had 15 years clean and he's never relapsed. And when I got there and I walked in that house, he looked at me and he says

Eddie, he says, is usually dope. The only problem you got,

and I said, yeah, I said, it really is. I said, you know, and I've been praying about it. I think I'm gonna be OK, right? You know, he says, really? I said, yeah. He says, well, you seem pretty smart then. You mean dopes? Only problem you got And I said, well, yeah. And I started giving him my resume about how great I was about the houses I'd owned and the businesses I don't and just how wonderful I was. He looked right at me. He says, Eddie, He says you so intelligent, you 47 years old and you living in a halfway house at 500 block West End,

another man and you're going to be home by 11:00 at night. You got a curfew. How old was you when you had a curfew last? And if you ain't here and you don't go to three meetings in this house a week, you going back to jail. That's how intelligent you are,

he says. I suggest you take a look at the blue book in there and start reading it. You might find out you got some other problems, other just using dope, he said. You might find out the dope they need Your problem.

I did not like the son of a gun at all. I mean, I had. I did not like this man. Who the hell was he to talk to me like that? He didn't know me. I

three car garage in Florida that was bigger than this house. He does not know who he was talking about.

Stop getting out of there. As soon as I could, I knew that I went in there and I started going to couple of house meetings and I did pick up that book and start reading it. But also what I did is I started looking for me a place to live because see, my understanding was this or the way that I heard the judge was like this, that I didn't have no place to live. So once that I got out, if I got me a place to live, I could move.

OK, Well, I got out on a Friday. On Monday I found a job. Tuesday I started working

and I was making money and about a week and a half I went down to Warrior River and I found me this nice little cabin right on the river and I rented it.

So I went back and I called task and I went up. My caseworker wasn't there and I talked to the supervisor. I told her I'd bring me a cabin down on the river and that, you know, and I just wanted to let them know that I was moving out and I died. And she didn't tell me anything, but I couldn't move. And I went back to the recovery house. I didn't have no, no car at the time. And the person was driving the company truck took me back there. I loaded all my stuff up, you know, and I'm getting out, you know, and.

He comes there and he gets on the phone and he calls and lady from cast says you can't leave that house. That man's on your bond.

I had to stay there for another 2 1/2 months and that was the 1st that was really God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. Because you see, that was about the middle of March and summer was coming. And you know, if I let that recovery house without any recovery, it would just been one more Valentine.

You know, I've been hard to that. I believe that with all my heart.

After reading that book, I found that I had these character defects and I went and I asked that man. I said, look, I said, will you help me? I said, I found this book, I've got these character defects and I see what you're talking about and will you help me? He said, yeah, Eddie, I'll help you. This man had 15 years clean and he was out there still helping people like us.

Man, that means something to me today. I'll never forget that man. And that man was the first man that told me the truth about me. That's why I didn't like it. He told me the truth about me.

My ego was smashed that day. When that man told me how intelligent I was.

I didn't do it.

I didn't do it.

OK,

but anyway he told me the truth about me and I stayed there for 2 1/2 more months and

then I was released and I did get together live at the little cabin on the river. By that time I started going over to the Hut. I fell in love with CA and I and this sponsor, I worked my up to my four step. I could never get with this sponsor. And then I got another sponsor over there and you know, that man helped me so much because he got me involved in these steps

and I, I was willing, you know, I was willing.

You know, there's a guy has 20 years in this and I we're 21 down. I really respect this recovery and he helps a lot of men. And I had to the pleasure for God to open the door for me to work for him for about 10 months. He owns a recovery house investment.

And you know that man, he says something one day at a meeting that hit my heart because he told my story when he said this. He said when he got here that he just bought into this thing 110%. And you know, that's, that's my experience. My way of living was not working. And when I found CA and started going to the meetings and, and, and, and working the steps with a sponsor and I think that I could have a new way to live.

I bought into it 110% and I haven't looked back. I do this shit today just the same way that I did when I got there, you know, and I'm, I'm just going to touch a little bit now

on, on

things I learned about myself. First, when I got here, I was taught that I was selfish, self-centered that, that I think that the root of my troubles today is that I'm driven by 100 forms of fear, self dilution, self seeking, self pity.

And I used to be pissed off, but everybody else in the world. But today this program taught me that I stepped on their toes. That's why they retaliated at me, you know, because they didn't do the way I thought they should do. I treated them like crap or I tried to manipulate them or I tried to get over on them,

you know? And I always had to make you think that was something that I what, Because I was never comfortable in my skin. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted y'all to like me or if you owed me money or if I wanted something out of you. I wanted you to fear me. I had to do whatever I had to do, but I needed my way. You know,

umm, when I was at that recovery house, I called my son and I told him I just got out of jail. And he says you have dad. I know he says I came up to Birmingham and Uncle Joe and them told me that, that, you know, that you couldn't get out. And he says, and he says I'm mad at Uncle Joe. He says because dad, he says he told me that

and y'all remember I raised my son well.

He lived with me for those years and he came back with me when he's 13 and stayed with me until he was 21 when he got away from me. And he told me, he says, dad, he says, I'm

Joe told me that you're going to die a crack here and you're going to die now. And he says, Dad, he says that really hurt me. And he says if you do anything in the world for me, dad, he said please don't go out like that. He said, please don't go out like that. He says, I believe in you, Dad. He says I've watched you come back from from everything and always win. He said. But please don't die.