The All California Young People in AA conference in Sacramento, CA

My name is Joe. I'm an alcoholic,
it's good to be here.
Had some fun this weekend being an alcoholic.
One of the definitions of alcoholic insanity is lack of proportion,
the inability to think straight.
I get invited to come here a few months ago and
I automatically see how early I can leave and how much we can do while we're gone. Umm,
I left on Thursday to be here on Sunday.
That wasn't driving. That was flying to San Francisco
and the Lake Tahoe and
day and a half in San Francisco.
I could really tell that the guy that Jim asked for a glass of water and he brought me a glass of water. He asked an alcoholic for a glass of water. You get 3.
I understand that.
I want to thank the committee for asking me to come.
It's both the privilege and honor
to be able to do this as long as I understand who gets the credit, and I hope that that's not me.
When I when I try to do that, I get in a lot of trouble. I guess the only reason I'm here today is to share with you the grace of God in my life and the miracle that has happened.
I got sober August 17th, 1982 and I've been clean and sober ever since. And I don't know how a guy like maybe has that happen. I, I would like to say I don't know how a guy like me does that, but the very best a guy like me can do is drink and take drugs and destroy everybody around him and, and his own life.
So I really don't know how this happens, this gift of sobriety.
I've I've tried to learn to be grateful for that. And I think gratitude is an expression
rather than a feeling, although I do feel grateful. I believe like what I learned a little bit about love is that love is not only a feeling, but it's action.
And I think gratitude is the same thing for me. And the way I express my gratitude is to give freely what was given to me.
I think I woke up this morning a little early. I was excited and and
I was really reminded of an Alcoholics mind, or at least mine. And I thought of a story that I heard one time I'll share with you about how we think and it's about this guy who's been sober forever. God bless him. And God forbid he's on his deathbed.
His wife is there. He looks up at his wife and he says, honey, after all these years, I've realized something. She says, what's that? He says, well, you were there when I had my first stroke. You were right there and you stood by me.
You were there that time I got shot. You were right there and you stood by me. You were there when I lost all our money in business. You've always been right there. You've always stood by me. And after all these years, I've realized one thing.
You're a friggin jinx.
When I heard that, I thought, you know, that's just how I think, You know,
there's a
there's a part of me that that refuses several things.
There's a part of me that refuses to take the responsibility unless it's something good and then I take the credit. There's a part of me that has to blame somebody or something for why I feel the way I do.
And there's a part of Maine that wants to grab on to something that I can do.
And I believe in this program. We we call that ego.
I could bore you with a long story of 17 years of drinking and a lot of drugs,
confusion,
pain, good times.
But there's another story that I think tells you most about my 17 years of drinking. And it's about, and it's also for your new people. It's it's, it's a Riddle. And the Riddle is which ones the alcoholic. And it's about these two identical twin brothers,
identical in every way but one.
And they're growing up across the street from a House of ill repute.
This is the Sunday morning meeting. I usually would say whorehouse, but I won't.
And they're growing up across the street from this house, and they're watching men come and go, and
one of them really wonders what's going on in there. And one of them doesn't really care.
567 years old.
One of them thinks about it a lot. And one day he talks his little brother into saving up $0.50. And they're going to go over there and they're going to ask one of these men what's going on in there.
And they wait for one of these guys to come out and he's all smiles. And one brother says, what? They walk up to this guy and they say what's going on in there?
He says, well, I'm not going to tell you, but I'll give you a hint. It makes you feel really good
and you have to pay for it.
So they go a couple more years and one brother thinks about it a lot and the other one doesn't think about it much. And one day the brother that's been thinking about it gets the other brother to get $0.50 and they're going to go over there and they're going to buy $0.50 worth of what they're selling.
And they walk up to this house and this little old lady answers the door and she says, what do you want? And one brother says, we want to buy $0.50 worth of what you're selling. She grabs him by the collar and she pulls him in this house and bangs their heads together for about 10 minutes and throws him back on the sidewalk. And they're walking down the sidewalk and one brother looks at the other brother and he says, I sure am glad we didn't buy $5 worth.
And the other one kept going back for more.
Which ones? The alcoholic.
But when I do get a chance to do this,
to share with you or to sit in my living room and listen to another alcoholic,
when I get to listen to one of you at a meeting,
when I get to talk about my alcoholism.
Personally, I believe the most important part of my alcoholism, because it's also the reason that I'm here today,
is the 1st 13 years before I ever took a drink.
I took my first drink when I was 13 years old
because I needed something. I wasn't right. I didn't fit
and the 13 years that preceded that drink were in the middle of a family where I shouldn't have felt that way.
And I don't know about any of you, but age 10/11/12,
I can remember thinking that if the spaceship would land in my backyard and a little Green Man would get out and say you, you weren't really born here on this planet. This has been a test.
I would have said, yeah, yeah,
that explains you,
you know, because I feel different and I feel separate and I feel out of place
and there's something not right about me. And how come my brothers and sisters can do this and that? How come my sister can yell and scream at my dad? And next day they hug and they make up. I get mad at my dad and I go to bed, and those feelings just turn around inside of me and I can't do anything with him. And it doesn't get better.
How come she can do that and I can't? I was always comparing myself to the world and I just didn't quite fit.
And I came to this program and I, I left my last treatment center and
I heard that we have a mental and a physical and spiritual disease. And I knew a lot about the symptoms. I'd been a therapist. I'd been a therapist in a treatment center drinking with the director of the program that I worked for. And I used to give great lectures on THIQ and neurotransmitters and
chemical enzyme reactions. I knew about these symptoms, but no one ever talked to me about a spiritual malady.
And I heard this term, spiritual malady. And my alcoholic ego, that part of Maine that wants to keep me separate, that part of me that wants to make me different from you. You see, I'm either the wellest person in the room or I'm the sickest person in the room,
that there's a part of me that has to keep me different and separate and apart.
And that part of me said spiritual malady, that must be really heavy. You know, probably at the moment of birth, the sky opened up in a lightning bolt, came down and struck me as I was coming out of my mother. If I can only find out why that happened, everything will be all right. You know,
it's got to be Freudian. It's got to be heavy. And the people that worked with me when I came to this program that still worked with me today said that it was very simple, this spiritual malady, and that it was described several times in our big book. And unfortunately, I started reading this book when I was pretty new. And in the doctor's opinion, it said we were restless, irritable, discontented.
My God, the first time I read that, I thought, you know, that's how I felt before I ever took a drink.
And that's how I felt when the alcohol and the drugs were not working.
And that's how I felt six months sitting around this program waiting for this to happen by osmosis, thinking I was in Alcoholics Anonymous because I was going to meetings.
That's me. That's the very best I can do. Another part of his chapter said that a part of our disease differentiates us and sets us apart like a distinct entity. And I thought, my God, that's how I felt when I was a kid, before I ever took a drink.
Another part of the book, in the chapter to the agnostic talks about untreated alcoholism and the unmanageability of my life
and the spiritual malady. Today, I don't see any difference between those three things. If you're curious at all and you want to see whether you still suffer from untreated alcoholism,
go home and read page 52 and see how you're doing with personal relationships.
Says we're having trouble with personal relationships.
We can't control our emotions.
Pray to misery and depression. We have a feeling of uselessness. We're full of fear. We're unhappy.
And I thought, my God, that's how I felt before I ever took a drink. That's how I felt when the alcohol and the drugs weren't working. And that's how I felt sitting around this program, dying of untreated alcoholism.
That's me. That's the very best I can do.
I heard George Carlin a few weeks ago and he talked about language,
what we do as humans, especially in America with language,
he said. You know, in World War One they used to call it shell shock,
and that's pretty graphic and it's pretty descriptive. And nowadays, after several wars, they call it post traumatic syndrome.
You know that that sounds much nicer.
Sounds nice.
And I thought, you know, my God, that's what we do in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Rather than say to you that my friend so and so went out and drank,
We, we like to use little terms like he slipped,
he stepped off the podium, There was a banana. He's he fell on the floor. There was a bottle of booze. It fell into his mouth, you know, slip. It sounds much nicer. You know,
rather than tell you that I suffer from lack of power in the spiritual malady is my problem, I'd rather tell you that I suffer from low self esteem.
You know, and I started thinking about that because that's one of the big things in Southern California. They tell me it means is what your problem is really is low self esteem.
I was given the grace at Christmas this year to celebrate my 7th sober Christmas and for the first time in my life my family came to where I live. The first time in my life they came to where I live for Christmas. And here's a guy that wasn't invited home for seven years a long time ago.
And I was in the hotel where my family was, and I was waiting for them to come out. And I saw a guy from the program. We've never talked, but he recognized me. And he came over and we were talking and I was telling, I was trying to tell him about the grace of God in my life.
And I said, you know, I'm just in awe of this power
that my family would really come to where I live for the first time in my life for Christmas. And he says, why don't you feel like you deserve that? And I wanted to say to him what my sponsor told me a long time ago. Thank God it ain't about justice.
If everyone in this room got what they deserve, probably none of us would be here.
It's about grace, mercy. I said no, I really don't feel like I deserve this. And he said, do you know where that feeling comes from? And I said no because I wanted to hear what he had to say.
And he said that comes from low self esteem.
You know, here I am trying to talk to somebody about the grace of God in my life and he's telling me that I suffer from low self esteem. I have probably had more esteem for myself than anybody ever will for me. I have probably loved myself more than anyone will ever love me. And I drank.
And I have probably hated myself more than anyone will ever hate me. And I drank.
But you see, there's a part of Maine that wants to grab on to something that I can work on.
I can do it, and if I can't do it, there's somebody in this room that can do it for me.
I can believe in the group. I can believe in my sponsor. I can believe in this book if I only work the steps
because it's got to be something that I can grab. See, self esteem I can work on.
I know how to go take courses and books and I know how to have you pump me up with all the self esteem I need. See, that's something that I can do. But if I tell you that I suffer from lack of power and really admit that there's not much that I can do. And I think a lot of times in Alcoholics and honest, we take the words that normal people out there in the world can use because see, they don't understand us.
I mean, people all the time. And I tell them, I'm seven years sober.
I always exaggerate a little bit, you know, because I'm in my 7th year. I'm well into myself. I just had my 6th birthday in August. I'm well into my 7th year. And they say great job, you've done a great job. And you want to say to me I haven't done shit?
As a matter of fact, I've done everything that would probably get most of you drunk,
but for some reason, God has seen fit to keep me sober.
I tried to explain to my mother the first time she heard me speak in Alcoholics Anonymous that the day I showed up at my daddy's funeral drunk and couldn't do anything about that, but I really didn't want to, that I had no choice. And the second time she heard me speaking Alcoholics Anonymous, after I had made amends to her
and told her about this program, she looked at me and she said, you know, I really understand that you really didn't have a choice about showing up drunk at your daddy's funeral.
And sometimes you're sitting in your living room and you try to talk to another alcoholic,
and sometimes they're in that place where it clicks. And sometimes they understand that they can't do anything about it. And sometimes they still think that there's something that they can do.
And I don't know how that happens.
And I don't know what beats us into that state. Except my book tells me that there is only one great persuader, something that beats you into a state of reasonableness more than any therapist, mother, father, child, husband, wife will ever be able to beat you into.
That's alcohol.
And all I know is that I drink every drop that I could. Until I woke up one day in August 1982 and the miracle happened. I couldn't drink
and I don't know how that happens and I was in a state of reasonableness,
but there was there is a part of me, there is a part of me that would like to tell you that I suffer from anything but something that I can't do anything about.
Slow self esteem. You need to love me until I can love myself. You know that assumes you can love me enough to keep me sober. Of course we love each other. Of course you love me until I can love myself. But neither one of those things are what's going to keep me sober, and I forget that
because it's got to be something I can grab on to and do something with.
So here's this kid. Ten, 11-12 years old.
Baffled because what they're saying to me doesn't match what this is saying to me. And they're saying things to me like the one that used to baffle me more than anything else. I don't know if any of you ever heard this, but I heard it from teachers and coaches and counselors and mommy and daddy. They used to say to me, you have so much potential.
And I used to wonder where is it?
And I used to get those moments of clarity laying in bed. And I used to say to myself, where is this potential they keep telling me about? Because I know I need an edge. And I found potential.
I found potential in a bottle of stuff that made me feel really good.
All of a sudden
I heard about some stuff that makes you feel good and I was interested
and I took a drink of that stuff and something happened.
It took away that stuff,
took away that thing. It took away that thing that you all told me about that I never knew what it was. I explored it in psychology. I explored it in college. I explored it as a therapist.
There were idiots when I was a therapist that actually thought I was interested in helping somebody else rather than just finding out about what's wrong with me. You know that question that some of us have most of our life and for some of us it never gets answered until we get here?
What's wrong with me?
And The funny thing is a couple years after I started drinking and when I discovered drugs, all of a sudden their question turned into my question. And we matched, but it was still confusing because they were saying what's wrong with you?
They didn't say you have so much potential anymore. And I had found some
and it never really, it was never In Sync. When I didn't have it, when I didn't know where the potential was, they said I should have. When I finally found something that gave me potential, then they wondered what was wrong with me, what I think and what I feel and what they say and what they feel never really seems to match. And I don't fit. And I search out people where I fit, and I search out those people that have that same problem. And they're walking around wondering what's wrong with me. But they're all afraid to say that,
and we look around for it. We heard that it was in San Francisco.
We all got in the bus. We went to San Francisco.
It wasn't there.
Every time I got somewhere, it had moved.
We heard it was in Boulder, Co. We got back in the bus and went to Boulder, Co. It wasn't there either,
but once in a while you'd find it
and you'd want to have it again, and you'd want to have it again. You'd want to have it again.
I found it in a bottle. I found it in a syringe. I found it in a woman.
I found it in a pile of money. I found it once in a while in a new geographical location. I found it once in a while in another group of people. And when it didn't work anymore, I moved somewhere else, to some other thing, to some other woman, to some more money or less money here.
The last place I ever looked was the 1st place you ever told me.
Imagine the grace in that
1st place you told me was the last place I ever thought to look, and that's deep down within each and everyone of us.
My drinking and drug me drugging took me all to all the right places.
What I'm going to share with you has nothing to do with why I say I'm an alcoholic.
I think a lot of times in Alcoholics Anonymous, we spend too much time talking about our common differences rather than our common problem.
I think our preamble says that we should share our experience, strength, and hope with each other so that we can solve our common problem. And I think a lot of times we spend a lot of time talking about our common differences. Because, you see, I went to the penitentiary when I was 19. I went to ten treatment centers.
That has nothing to do with Virtue. That has to do with having a great Blue Cross Blue Shield card.
I have a Blue Cross Blue Shield card that I don't need anymore, but I used to use it for 30 days once a year because that's what they allowed. Some of you go on summer vacations. I go to treatment.
I need a little rest. I go to treatment or the county jail.
One time they put me in the penitentiary and I said this is not what I signed up for.
It's a little longer than my ego needs. My ego needs about 5 or 10 days to get a plan. Every time I left treatment, I always had a plan. I started going to treatment when I was 19 years old because I didn't know what was wrong with me and I wanted to quit for somebody.
It didn't work,
and I wanted to quit when I was 21, after they let me out of the penitentiary
and on and on and on. And nothing, none of that has anything to do with why I say I'm an alcoholic. Because, you see, if I'm an alcoholic because I went to ten treatment centers, what does that do to those of you in the room that never went to treatment? Does that mean you're not? Of course not.
I'm not an alcoholic because I went to the penitentiary either
'cause if you didn't, that doesn't mean you're not either.
I came to this program and I had spent so much time trying to find out why by looking at the results of where my disease took me. Thank God for a guy that said, why don't you take all the drama? Why don't you take all the results of where your disease took you and find out why rather than looking at the results?
Because see, some of you have never been to the penitentiary, some of you have never been to jail, some of you have never had a 502, some of you have never been to treatment and you're full blown Alcoholics. But you got to be given the right questions.
I used to think the Big Book was filled with answers, and especially when you're looking at the first three steps, you will find no answers unless you look within your own experience.
The questions are in the Big Book, The answers are within me.
And I came to this program and thank God some people started to talk to me about a common problem that I don't care if you're a 70 year old little woman sitting in my living room, if you're an alcoholic, you and I can talk about.
And I had days and months and several years filled with those common symptoms, that common problem in my drinking.
And I'll share two of those day with days with you. One of them was the day of my father's funeral. And I was brought from a little white room in a sanitarium where I had been detoxed from drugs and alcohol. And I don't need to embellish on this and I don't need to exaggerate it, but at that time I was 19 years old, and I was on 125 milligrams of methadone a day for a year and a half. I was taken between 40 and 60 orange pharmaceutical quaaludes a day, 15 at a time three or four times a day.
I was shooting heroin on top of that that did nothing and drinking vodka all I could and I had cashed $25,000 worth of checks in one week for a guy that wanted to help me out.
I'm still afraid of those guys. Let me help you out, brother, you know.
And they had told me not to cash anymore. And I woke up one day and I was sick and they told me not to cash any. And I had no choice. And I went and I cashed a couple and the security guard came up and put a gun at my head and they put me in the Kalamazoo, MI County jail.
And my brother came and got me out and he said you can cold Turkey here in this jail or you can go to the Ballot Creek Sanitarium. Well, once again, there's no choice. Take me to the sanitarium because I know what's in a sanitarium, doctors and drugs. And I know how to talk to doctors to get drugs,
so it'll be comfortable. It wasn't. They gave me 10 milligrams of methadone one day and then locked me in a little white room for 36 days. On the 34th day, my father died in that same hospital
in the intensive care unit from his third stroke, and they took me to his room to watch him die from my little room. He didn't know I was in that hospital,
he didn't know I was dying, and I didn't know he was dying.
Talk about delusion.
And I got to watch my father die, and I got to watch my family point their fingers at me and say you killed him.
And then I got to go back to that little white room and live with that for two more days without any drugs or alcohol.
On the 36th day, they took me out of that room and they brought me to his funeral. And before I went to the funeral, they took me by my mother's house, a guard, a guard brought me.
And my mother said something to me she never said to me in the seven years that I've been drinking. She said, please don't show up at your daddy's funeral messed up. And with all the love and all the intention and everything that I could muster, I said to her, I will not show up at my daddy's funeral messed up. And I meant it.
And I meant it when I asked him could I go across the street to say hello to a friend. And I meant it when that friend asked me did I want to have a beer just to calm down. And I meant that when I said I'll only have two.
And somewhere between the second one and the 20th one, I lost the power of choice over how much I was going to drink. And I showed up, messed up at my father's funeral to the point where that guard chained me to a tree by my ankle and my own father's funeral.
And I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to do that.
A lot of times in Southern California they they say this thing that just baffles me. I'm searching California to find out the guy that made it up so I can talk to him. And what they say is just don't drink no matter what.
You know, someone that I love more than anybody in the world used to say that to me and I couldn't pull it off. Just don't drink no matter what. And I'm a guy that drinks no matter what.
You know, as a matter of fact, if you're a person that can just not drink no matter what, you're probably in the wrong program because we are people that drink
no matter what. And where I got sober in Denver, Co, they told me you probably will drink no matter what unless something major happens here for you.
And I don't know how a guy like me doesn't drink no matter what,
but for the grace of God,
about two years later, they let me out of the Michigan State Penitentiary for forgery. And
I reported to my parole officer, and he told me what they do if I drank or drugged again. And they told me what he told me, what it had done to my body, and he told me what it had done to my life. He laid out about 20 reasons why I shouldn't. And I walked out of his office and I felt great and I had a plan, and this is what I was going to do. And on my second report, 28 days out of the penitentiary, with every sufficient reason in the world not to drink, I walked out of his office after my second report into a bar to buy a pack of cigarettes, picked up a drink
and woke up six days later, 1A and 20 miles away. And I didn't want to do that. And I didn't know why I did that. And I don't know why I do that. And I came to this program and you told me two simple things that tied those days and a lot of other days together for why I do that. Because you see, the day of my daddy's funeral, I put some alcohol in my system. And I have an allergy to alcohol that's stronger than anything I can bring to mind, even the love for a mother.
And on the 28th day of the penitentiary, they told me about an alcoholic mind
that, given every sufficient reason in the world not to does.
You see, I have a body that has an allergy and a mind that tells me I don't. And this time I can eat strawberries. You know, if I eat strawberries, I break out with a rash. Well, when I drink alcohol, I don't break out with a rash. I break out with a screaming Mimi, craving for more alcohol that's behind anything I can do until that goes away. And sometimes it lasts for an hour, and sometimes it lasts for a week. And sometimes that craving goes away with two drinks. And sometimes that craving doesn't go away with 20. I still want more,
and I can't stop that until it decides to stop.
But I have a mind that tells me this time it'll be different. And you can eat strawberries, but you won't get a rash this time, even though you've gotten a rash every other time you ever ate them. This time you won't. I have a mind that doesn't remember with enough force the memory of what happened last time ago,
and the pieces started coming together when I got here and people started talking to me about our common problem.
You can see, because it doesn't matter if I've ever been to the penitentiary to identify that,
and it has to do with two points. Can you control the amount once you start and can you control the stop once you stop? And that's all I had to look at. As a matter of fact, they told me to take all the drama and skim it off the top and look at those two points. Can you control the amount once you start and can you control the stop once you stop?
And I saw that. That's me.
In August 1982, I woke up in a motel room in Denver, Co,
and circumstances weren't that bad
out here.
There was nobody banging on the door. There was Number Lover threatening me. There was Number family on the phone. There was no landlord. There was no police. There was no lawyers. There was no PO. It all gone. There was me and a bottle of alcohol and some stuff down the street that I could go and get, and a phone that I could pick up and get some money. And all I know is that the night before that something must have happened
because I woke up that next morning, there was some alcohol in a bottle and there was a phone
and I could get in the car and I could drive down the street to go get what I wanted and I couldn't. And I had been to a treatment center about 8 weeks earlier
and left after three days because I felt better.
I think one of the most dangerous things for a new alcoholic in this program is to do things for him that make him feel better before that magical thing happens when you can't imagine life either with it or without it.
But I woke up that morning, I picked up the phone and you know, all I could say to that person that I used to get money from was I can't lie to you anymore. And then wonder why I said that. And then I picked up that bottle and I couldn't drink. And I went to get in my car instead of going to where where the stuff was that I wanted. It turned and went back to that treatment center. And I walked in there and I said, help me. And you know, for the first time in my life, I didn't have a plan.
And about 35 days later, they let me out of that place and I was scared to death
because they didn't pump me full of sunshine and they didn't give me a diploma and they didn't pat me on the back and tell me everything would be alright. They told me the truth. And those are the kind of people that I learned about love from and Alcoholics Anonymous. Because when I got out of there and I started to go to meetings, it got better out here. But that ain't where it is for me anymore.
The family was behind me, I got a new place to live, making some great friends and Alcoholics Anonymous. There was a little period of a pink cloud and one day I woke up with 5 1/2 months of dryness and I said, if this is what sobriety is about, I don't want anything to do with it because it is worse.
And what is it? It is restless, it is irritable, it is discontented. It is full of fear. It is having problems with personal relationships. It can't control its emotional nature. It's full of misery
and I hit a bottom sober. And I hope that place happens for everyone here because when that day comes, you don't have to work the program anymore.
You don't have to work the program anymore because you finally see that lack of power is your dilemma. And then what you can start to do is to seek God, because everything else you ever tried, even managing your own life on your own power
without drugs and alcohol, even that doesn't work anymore. You see, I think I left my last treatment center still thinking that alcohol and drugs were my problem until I met up with some people that said alcohol and drugs, if you were like us, were not your problem. They might have gotten you in a lot of trouble, but they were probably your only solution to make the pain go away. And that made sense
because I used to go to these treatment centers and they would tell me two things, Joe Alcohol and drugs are your problem. And if you just put them aside, everything will be all right.
And after about the 5th or 6th treatment center, I wanted to say to those people, what do you mean they're my problem?
Yeah, they get me in a lot of trouble, but they're they're the only thing left that take the pain away. And let me tell you something. Every time I put them aside, it doesn't get better. The further away I get from my last drink, the worse it gets. And it is that spiritual malady that I suffer from that was there before I ever took a drink.
And thank God I met some people when I hit that place at 5 1/2 months dry. That said, you know, there's a solution to that. And you don't have to sit around dying of untreated alcoholism in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous any longer.
And I had heard that man in my very first meeting while I was in treatment. And it took me 5 1/2 months to ask him to be my sponsor until I got to that place where there was nothing my ego could grab on to and say this is what you can do.
There wasn't anything in the program and I was going to a lot of meetings and I was picking up ashtrays and picking up chairs. As a matter of fact, I hate to admit this, but there was a time in Denver, Co they used to call me Joe Osmosis
because I thought I was going to get this thing by sitting in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous next to you old timers. It was just going to rub off on me.
And I used to get angry when I hear the promises on page 83
because I would say they're not happening for me. And you know, a man said to me one day, the kind of men that I learned about love from, a man said to me, you know how you get the promises on page 83? You do what's on Page 1 to 82.
Now that's too simple for me.
You see, I'm a guy. You tell me this is a textbook. I go to how It works
and forget the roast.
And I went to that man that I'd heard in my very first meeting and I asked him to be my sponsor and I told him where I was at. And he said he only knew one way to do that. And he said the way that he knew how to do that was to start on the title page and to go through the 1st 164 pages together. And you know, since that day I've never felt that way as I did when I went to his house that day.
Now, every day hasn't been great, but I have never been that hopeless,
that miserable, that full of fear since that day.
And we started doing that and some amazing things happened. I found out why I did what I did the day at my dad's funeral. In the doctor's opinion,
and some of there is a solution,
I found out why I did what I did the day that I was 28 days out of the penitentiary and I never knew why. And all of a sudden, and doesn't it make sense if we all come here with this question in the back of our mind, what's wrong with me that that should be the first question that get answered, gets answered when we get here. And you know, that's the first question they started helping me answer. What's wrong with you? What are you really powerless over? Are you really an alcoholic?
Maybe you're not.
I heard a man not too long ago and he talked about three ways to approach the first step, and he's worked with hundreds of Alcoholics.
And he said there's really three types of people that approach the first step, and one of them is the bigot. And what the bigot is, is the man that knows, and he knows that he is, or he knows that he isn't, it doesn't matter, but he knows. And that man is filled with contempt prior to investigation. He said then there's a man that's even harder to work with, the hardest one to work with in Alcoholics Anonymous, and that's the believer, the pious man. And he not only knows, but he believes,
and he's filled with acceptance. He just accepts everything.
He reads page 449 before he reads anything. And he thinks that not only does he need to admit the first step, but he needs to accept it. And I'm here to tell you, if you're new here, you do not have to accept being powerless over alcohol and that your life is unmanageable because maybe for the first time in your life, you're here because that condition has become entirely unacceptable.
If you need to accept the first step, there's no reason to go to God in the second step. I do not accept being powerless over alcohol.
I admit that. I concede to that and there's a big difference,
this guy said. Then there's the people that need to approach this program from the way of consideration with an open mind. And as a matter of fact, they gave me a prayer to use. Please God, let everything I think I know about myself, what's wrong with me, this program, these steps, let it all be put aside for an open mind and a new experience. And I started looking at maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Maybe I can control alcohol. Maybe now that I'm sober, I can manage my life. And they gave me the grace and they gave me the dignity to really help me find
what's wrong with me.
Now, I'm not a guy who wanted to change the words in the first step, but I'm a guy that wanted to fill in the little blank between the first half and the second-half. You know, it says we admit that we're powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable. And there's a little dash there. And I wanted to read it this way. I admit that I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs, and that's why my life is unmanageable. Until I really had some time around here, about five or six months, trying to manage my own life on my own power without drugs and alcohol.
To see that the second-half of the first step has nothing to do with the first half of the first step, unless you're still drinking and drugging. And I started to see that about the best I can do trying to manage my own life on my own power is the description on page 52. That's what I'm left with. I'm having trouble with personal relationships. I can't control my emotions. I'm prey to misery and depression. I have a feeling of uselessness. I'm full of fear.
I'm unhappy. And they took me through 2 little exercises that really helped me see that first step.
And one of them was make a list of the 10 craziest things you ever did. And this was to see the insanity. And I made this list of the 10 craziest things I ever did. And you know what? Every one of them were under the influence of alcohol or drugs. And this kind, loving gentleman looked at me and he shook his head and he said, I'll bet you 10,000 bucks that the number one thing on your chart, the most insane thing you ever did, was absolutely bone dry with nothing in your system.
And I said, what do you mean?
He said the most insane thing that you've ever done was to pick up another drink based on your history with alcohol, and you did that with nothing in your system at all.
To see the unmanageability of my life. They asked me to make a list of what drugs and alcohol used to do for me,
not to me, for me. And I made this list about takes away the pain, makes me feel strong, courageous, funny, lover, fighter, all these things. And they said, now ask yourself one question. Can you, on your own power, sit in a chair and make those things go away or make those things happen?
And I saw that my, the unmanageability of my life is within. And you know, there's great freedom in that, to stand here today and say that my life is not unmanageable because of what goes on out here anymore.
Because you know what they told me? If she makes your life unmanageable, if the boss makes your life unmanageable, if the car makes your life unmanageable, if the money makes your life unmanageable, you're going to have to go out in the world and fix the world to get well. And I had tried that. They said the unmanageability of your life is within
and it's described on page 52. And all of a sudden I started to see maybe lack of power is my dilemma. Maybe I don't have the power to control the amount once I start, and maybe I don't have the power to keep myself sober. And maybe I don't have the power to manage my own life now that I'm dry. Maybe lack of power really is my dilemma. And maybe I sub which only a spiritual experience will conquer.
You see, the way they use that big book with me was to turn every statement into a question.
And if I could share one thing with any of you about how to use that big book is every time it makes a statement, you turn it into a question for yourself. Can I do that? Is that me? Is like a power my problem? Do I suffer from this kind of disease? And then all of a sudden, that big book comes alive for you.
And it's you. It's not just some story about Bill. When you're reading Bill's story, it's not just some opinion of some doctor. It's not just some opinion of some psychiatrist. It's not just some 100 people that maybe started this program, whether they stayed sober or not. All of a sudden it's you. And if it if the problem is you, then maybe you'll see that the solution is for you too. And then maybe you'll see that you're willing to go to any length and that you want what these people have to offer. Then you're ready to take certain steps.
And I started to look at my problems with God,
doubt, prejudice, old beliefs, what I was raised with. And, you know, they gave me some real freedom when they said I could choose my own conception. And I remembered a therapist when I was in treatment, my therapist, my therapist, he didn't have any other clients. I was the only one. No, not really. My therapist in treatment had said to the Group One day, he said that he believed within each and every one of us was something that we were born with,
whether we wanted to call it. He's a very confused man. He's a therapist during the day and he's a monk at night,
and his name is Father Felix. And he said to the Group One day that he believes each and everyone of us have something within us. And then I could call it whatever I wanted to call it, a gift, a jewel, the essence of life, the power of God, the spirit of the universe. And I that day in treatment, I chose a jewel,
a jewel. And he looked at me and he said, Joe, you know, for 30 years you've thrown mud on that jewel in the form of pride, ego, intellect, selfishness, dishonesty, self seeking fear. And I said, yeah. And he said, you know, I believe there's a process you can go through to clear away the mud that stands between you and the jewel you were given at birth.
And all I know is about seven months later, when I got to the second step in our program,
the book said the very same thing. That deep down within every man, woman and child is the power of God. And that it is only there that he can be found. But it might be blocked, it might be obscured by calamity, pomp, worship of other things, but it's there. And it told me where and how to find this power.
Yes, God comes to me through you. Yes, God comes to me through the group. But thank God, there were some people in those groups that said, why don't you look within yourself to find this power that we have found. So if it's three in the morning and the phones off the hook or you can't run to a meeting, maybe God will be able to be there for you.
If you're in the middle of a business conference, if you're on the phone with somebody, if you're sitting in front of your boss and you can't say I need to pause for a minute and leave the room so I can get in touch with God or call somebody, maybe God can really be there for you. And maybe you can find a place deep down within yourself where you can find God.
And they asked me a couple questions. Was I willing to believe? I said yes? And then they asked me to make a choice at the second step. And I don't know how a guy like me gets to a place where in his life, with the life that I had, where he really gets to choose whether God is everything or is nothing, where he really has a choice about that. And I made that choice that day, that for me, God will be everything. Because if he's not, I'm nothing.
And I made a decision to go for that power.
And that's all the third step is. But I remember sitting in a meeting in north Denver when I was doing the old AA shuffle. You know, I turned it over and I take it back. And I turn it over and I take it back
and this old guy looked at me that one of these guys that loved me enough to tell me the truth. And he said, son, if you're still doing that, you haven't turned it over.
I said, what do you mean? He said, well, there's a difference between a decision and a commitment.
Step by itself is only a decision, but there is one hell of a commitment if you follow it through with the program of action. I said, what do you mean? He said, well, if you tell someone to go sit in the corner and pray for ham and eggs and then they just sit there, they'll probably starve to death. I said I don't get it.
He said, well, if you tell someone to go sit in the corner and pray for ham and eggs and then show them how you got up and made one hell of a commitment and put one foot in front of the other, they'll probably eat ham and eggs. I said, I don't get it. He said, well, it's like a chicken and a pig walking down the road and they come to a sign on a church. It says help feed the poor.
And the chicken is filled with virtue because this is a wonderful, lovely thing to do. And he says to the chick, to the pig, he says we ought to do something about that. And the pig says what could we do? And the chicken says we could feed him ham and eggs
and the pig, the pig had a little more sense than I did when I took the third step because he said to the chicken, for you that's just a simple decision to lay some eggs because that's a wonderful thing to do. But for me, that's one hell of a commitment because we're talking about my life.
And they started to ask me, are you a chicken or a pig?
And they started to tell me those stupid riddles about 3 frogs sitting on a log. All three decide to jump off. How many are left? I said none, they said three. Now what are you going to do? All they did was decide.
And several months later, you know, when I had really looked in our book, how many times, how many times did I heard how it works
1000? How many times did I hear that the description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make Claire 3 pertinent ideas. And I had no clue what they were even talking about until I looked in the book about the description of the alcoholic and took step one and looked in the book in the chapter to the agnostic and took Step 2 and put those things in relationship to my personal adventures before the 1st drink and after the first drink. And you know what?
It made clear 3 pertinent ideas. That I'm an alcoholic and I can't manage my own life. That no human power can relieve my alcoholism, and that I'm willing to believe that God can and will for me if I seek Him. And I made that decision. And how many people had ever told me that there is a requirement to the third step?
My God, I thought you just read the wall. You read the steps off the wall, you do some stupid prayer, you write an autobiography, and you wait for their promises on page 83 to happen.
And they didn't.
But you know what? When I fully conceded to my innermost self. And there's a big difference between fully conceding to your innermost self that you're alcoholic and saying that you're powerless over alcohol because of all the drama and the trouble you got in.
But when I fully conceded in my innermost self that I am an alcoholic bodily, mentally and spiritually,
my life is unmanageable sober,
and that no human power has ever been able to relieve my alcoholism. And,
and I made it. And I made a decision that I was willing to believe that God could and would if I seek Him. How many, how many of us have ever been told there's a requirement to the third step? And they told me there was, and that that requirement was that I'd be convinced that my life run on my will could hardly be a success. And then they gave me a page and a half to see how I try to run my life on my will.
I'm like the actor. I'm always, ever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet and the scenery,
the rest of the players in my own way. I mean, I hate reading that page.
I especially hate reading that page if I put myself in there. If it's you or the girl I'm involved with, then it's OK.
Is he not a self seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony? And all of a sudden I saw that was me trying to run my life on my will.
And then they told me what the third step decision was. I always thought it was the prayer. And I always thought if I got on my knees and did the prayer with my sponsor, I'd made the decision. And they said no. The decision is that from hereafter in this life, God is going to be your director, your principal, and your father. And that decision comes way before the prayer.
And I did that prayer
and I had some idea that when I did that prayer with my sponsor, the sky was going to open up and it was going to be there was going to be a big boom. We would probably do it on a mountain top in Colorado. And we sat in his living room and got on our knees and did that prayer. And the saddest thing that could ever happen to an alcoholic happened. Nothing.
And I said, Don, there was no big boom,
he said. Thank God they damn near killed you. You don't need one more of them.
And I asked the magic question. I asked the magic question that I wait for everybody that I work with to ask then how do I turn my will in my life over the care of God? And it was so simple. He said the way you turn your will and your life over the care of God is 45678 and nine acts against the will, contrary to the way you have lived your life. And I'm here to tell you to write an inventory the way it is in that big book. No wonder there's so many newfangled ways to write inventory. I would rather write an autobiography from
Until I Die then write an inventory the way it is in that big book. Because the way it is in that big book asked me to look at something that without God in my life, I can't even see because I never have been able to. And that's the 4th column of the resentment inventory. My God, what's the 4th column of the resentment inventory? I never heard of that.
My God, you're lucky enough if you get to look at who you're mad at, what they did and how it affected you. Then it says we turn back and looked at where we were at fault. Where was I? Selfish, dishonest, self seeking and afraid? My God, with every resentment I've ever had in my life, I make this giant list of people, institutions and principles.
Not only it's hard enough to put, it's easy to put down why I'm mad at them. I've been doing that up here for about 30 years. She did this and this and didn't do that and said this. And then in myself centered way, I love to look at how that affects me.
She effects myself esteem, my pride, my ambition.
I would love to keep blaming people for affecting those errors in my life until they helped me start to see the belief system behind those seven areas of my life. That's really what screws me up, you know? So and so told me I was full of shit. That's why I met him. Effects myself esteem. I would love to keep saying that. The guy in the first column and the guy in the second column, what he did is what affects myself esteem. Until I realized the reason it affects myself esteem is because I believe I'm such a hell of a guy. Nobody should talk
that way, especially somebody I sponsor.
And that it's my belief system that hurts, threatens and interferes with those areas of my life. And then they have to look at where I was to blame and that I was selfish and that I was self seeking and that I was dishonest and that I was afraid. The freedom that comes in that there's a statement in our big book just before inventory, I think is the greatest statement of hope in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. But if you can't look at it the right way, you'll beat yourself up with it. And that statement is
our troubles are of our own making. Thank God.
Because you know what? If they're of your making, I'm screwed because you're gonna have to change for me to get well
and then to write a fair inventory.
Looking at all my. And behind every resentment, there was a fear.
I show you resentment, but I'm really afraid to look at an honest sex inventory that has nothing to do with sex,
has to do with my motives and relationships.
I'll tell you what, that's an act against my will, contrary to the way I live for 30 years.
And then to take that to one man and read the whole thing. I don't know about you, but I'm the kind of guy that takes a little bit over here, Tells him a little bit if it'll help me, shares a little bit with you if it's gonna make me look good, whine a little bit in the meeting, tell you some kinky stuff I've done. I've never laid it out for one person in my life. I've never laid the whole thing out for one person. And
you know what? I was given the power to do that from the first four steps. Never worry about the step proceeding the one you're on because you don't have the power to do it. You will get the power to work the step that's coming up from the one year on. I love when I'm working with somebody. He says I'm having trouble with Step 2. You're not having trouble with Step 2. You're having trouble with step one. Because once you see step one, you'll quick hurry up. Choose the conception that will work for you.
I'm having trouble with step three. Forget it. You're not having trouble with Step 3.
I'm worried about making amends in the middle of an inventory. Forget it. You ain't got the power to make amends in the middle of an inventory unless something happens in five, 6-7 and eight. And you know what? I was given the power to look at something other than me to remove that stuff in six and seven, and I was given some questions to ask myself. Not only can he, but will he for me take this stuff?
And I did that seven step prayer and I made a list of people that I'd harmed
and I was given a way to make amends. See, I have a hard time reading that book by myself. I need to read it with somebody who's had experience doing it because what I would like to do is to go to everybody that I ever hurt, if it's convenient for me and tell you that I'm sorry. And I tried to do that before I got to amends with my brother. And he said, I know you are. You have been all your life,
but when a man told me to go to the people that I had harmed and layout for them the harm that I had seen and asked them if there was anything else I ever did that harmed him and then asked them the magic question in the men's What can I do to make it breath?
I was given some real freedom in my life. Some amazing things started to happen. People came one story. I went back to Michigan for the fifth time sober to make amends. And every time I'd gone back, I had gone to this nightclub after an AA meeting with a friend of mine. We'd always gone to this club four other times and I maybe saw one or two other people that I'd known. When I went to Michigan to make amends, I had this list of about 20 people in Michigan. I owed a men's two, and they were mostly.
Friends and I sat in a nightclub one night when I was prepared to make amends, and 13 people on that list walked into that club in chronological order that I knew them in.
And I'm sitting there. My God,
this thing really works. People that I never thought I'd be able to find were put back in my life. Relationships that I never thought would be able to be mended were mended.
Amazing things start to happen. The promises on page 83 happen. Thank God they're not the only ones. Don't ever let anybody tell you the only promises in this program are on page 83, halfway through the 9th step. There are promises after the fifth step.
There are promises before you even do the third step prayer. There are promises if you don't go on from there.
Please don't start this process and stop. Please don't start inventory and stop. I could say that till I'm blue in the face because all of you will do that because that's what we do. We take it to the limit,
we get a little relief, and we suck that dry until we're back up against the wall. Because most of us don't do things out of virtue. I am not here today out of virtue. I'm not here today because I'm a wonderful, lovely person. I am here today for the same reasons I drank and drugged.
I am here today for the same reason I drank and drugged. I drank and drugged because it worked and it made me feel good. My motives haven't changed. I'm here today because this works and it makes me feel good. There is no virtue involved in my recovery yet. Maybe I'll get to that place one day, but I hope not. I hope I'm always here for the for the same reason that I stayed there, that I, that I saw I was in when I got here,
desperation because I don't ever want to drink again. And more than that, I don't ever want to be in that place I was in 5 1/2 months sitting around this program
of alcoholism in the program. I would rather drink than live like that again.
My life makes sense to me today. Most of the time. When it doesn't, I have things that I can do. I do not go to meetings anymore to stay sober. But without you people, I'm a dead duck. There are spiritual paradoxes in this program that make no intellectual sense. If you're new and you're trying to figure this thing out with this, imagine going out there in the world where you came from and walking up to one of these guys you used to hang around with or your favorite booze salesman or your favorite
dealer and saying to him, listen brother, if you really want to keep what you got, give it away.
That doesn't work out there.
Why do we understand that? Why does common sense become uncommon sense? Because we are. We start from a place of reasonableness because we've been beat into a state by alcohol and drugs where we now understand if I don't give it away, I ain't going to keep it.
Imagine going back to some of the jails that some of you have been in, some of the people that some of you have hung around with, and say, listen, brother,
if you really want to win, surrender.
You don't do that in the Michigan State Penitentiary in the shower.
Well,
but I've often imagined taking a new guy and just saying these strange spiritual paradoxes that we have to him. He'd probably run out of here and blow his head off because they don't make any intellectual sense. One guy says hang on. One guy says let go.
One guy says don't make any judgments. Another guy says, but stick with the winners. How do you do that? You know, how do you do that?
One guy says try hard. Another guy says quit trying so hard.
How do you find out the truth? My sponsor told me a long time ago to use the bullshit sifter.
This is the bullshit sifter.
I get to have fun in my life today. I live on the beach in Santa Monica. I moved to Santa Monica about two years ago from Denver. I had to leave my sponsor, my Home group, the people I was working with, my service commitment. I'd served on the state committee as the H and I chairman when I was four years sober, when I was three years sober, when I was 3 1/2 years sober, I spoke in Montreal at the International. And I don't know how that happens to a guy like me,
'cause when I got here, I couldn't talk. I couldn't hardly talk to one person. The first time my mother heard me speak, she said I've never heard you talk that long, ever, or like that. And I don't know how this happens to a guy like me.
I heard a story that pissed me off,
and I knew that when it pissed me off, there was something I needed to look at.
And this guy said, imagine if you took a hundred of us from Alcoholics Anonymous and put us back in the bar. God forbid. But he said, you know what you'd find? He said you'd find about 20 or 30 of us belly up to the bar wallowing in our beer, crying in our whiskey. And the sad thing about that is that some of us wouldn't know there's anything more to find in alcohol, and some of us would dig it. He said then you'll find about 20 or 30 come in the bar, drink till they feel good and then they go home.
He said then you'll find about 30 or 40 mad dogs in and out of the bar, going here, going there, getting in fights, doing it to the mask, going for the gusto. Won't just settle for sitting up at the bar, wallowing in their whiskey, crying in their beer because they know there's more to find an alcohol. Won't just come in drink till they feel good
because that's just where the night begins. Mad dogs, he said. Now take those hundred people, put him back in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and you'll find they settle for about the same thing they did when they were drinking. And I'm here to tell you, I will not settle for coming in here and wallowing in my big book and crying in these rooms. Because I know one thing.
There is a solution.
I will not come in here and settle for doing enough work to where I feel good and then go home. Because when I've done that, my own gratitude starts to choke me because I'm not giving it away.
I was a Mad Dog then, I'm a Mad Dog now. I want it all. My book says a man is unthinking who says sobriety is enough.
The way I see this program is a story that my sponsor tells, and I just absolutely love it because it's how I see this program also. And he talks about a man who saw the statue of David and saw that it was actually, it breathed. And he went to Michelangelo and he said, how did you do that?
And Michelangelo said, I took a hunk of stone and I chipped away everything that didn't look like David. And that's what I got. And that's kind of how I see this program with God as the sculptor and these steps and these traditions and your people and these meetings as the chisel. They've taken a willing hunk of stone and chipped away everything that doesn't look like Joe. And so far, this is what they've got. Thank you very much.