A workshop titled "Mataining Conscious Contact During the Holidays" in Albany, NY

This morning I was at the the early morning men's meeting right across from Stuyvesant and one of the one of the guys was talking and the, the topic this morning was unfair. And, and the the guy was sharing and actually was, it was fears around some of the holiday stuff coming up,

parties, family, that kind of thing. And one of the guys said, kind of tongue in cheek, he said, yeah, when I first committed the program, I was told this is a threefold disease,

Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. So

with that, with that in mind, we're going to turn things back over to Barefoot Bill and Mike.

This is a quote from Joel Goldsmith.

Regardless of how high my concept of God is, it is wrong because it is still just a concept. Eventually I have to lose all concepts and reach the consciousness that God is and then let go of the subject because with my minds I am never going to know what God is.

For me. The steps are really just one step with 12 parts to go from living out of here to go from living out of our heart, which is we can't experience God with our mind, but we can't experience God with our heart. We can get that sense of there's something more going on here than logic or what I can put my finger on that. There's something happening. It's real obvious that this

serendipity or these coincidences occurring, they don't make sense, but you just know that there's something more going on here.

And I think that's what the steps do is that they have us go from

the self will or the ego or the logic or the

my life run on my will theory of living to the turning our will and our life over to the care of a higher power.

Step 3.

When I first went through these steps, Mike kind of touched upon it. When I first went through the steps, it was very much a surface. I'm just dealing with my alcoholism passed through the steps. It was very intellectual.

I became aware of certain things that I wasn't aware of before. I never knew how selfish I was. I never knew how much fear I had. I was very grateful for that. But I can't say that I really awakened spiritually. I can't say that

I even came close to the commitment that I have today where I don't really see this as a way of not drinking. I see it as a way of life. And also when I first went through the steps, it was very much, I'll let you guys help me with my alcoholism, but the rest of my life is my deal and I'll just do whatever I want to do. My sex life, that's I'm just going to do whatever I want to do. The way I work and the dishonest, illegal things that I would do, I'm going to do with that. It's none of your business. The way I dealt with people in traffic,

the way I dealt with my family.

I'm, I'm looking for #1 and I'll let you guys help me with alcoholism, but the rest of my life is my idea. And

I'll be honest with you, there's only one thing harder than trying to turn your, all of your will in your life over to God. Not just

my alcoholism, quote UN quote, or the parts that have to deal with alcohol and some of the obvious parts of my life that are totally out of control. There's only one thing harder than doing all of my life committing to a higher power and trying to move in a certain direction. And that's not committing all my life to moving in that direction. Because I got to be honest with you. Like I said, when I opened, there was an incredible amount of misery and there was an incredible amount of unmanageability and discomfort that was going on inside my head and that was going on inside my gut

after I stopped

had a drink in years. So you know, part of the deeper levels of alcoholism, part of the deeper levels of the spiritual and manageability and trying to move more and more and getting all of those areas as well. But that was when I really

found a comfort and really found a freedom

that at times really doesn't make sense. You know, there was a woman in my Home group that last year when my marriage ended,

she came to me and she said, you know, so Bill, how you doing? You know, and she asked me some questions and, and I kind of, you know, I was going through a lot of pain and

I still probably even today having a great love for my wife, my ex-wife.

But what I was describing to her was sort of a gratitude. I have a gratitude today for all the pain that I went through and then I'm still going through because you know what, today I'm capable of loving. I was never capable of loving anybody but myself. And even that was questionable, whether I really loved myself because I did things that I shouldn't have been doing and I shouldn't have been involved in. And if I cared for myself, I wouldn't have been doing

so. I am grateful today. You know, Mike mentioned some things that he was grateful for. I am grateful for today for the immense amount of pain that I went through. My marriage ended because today I am capable of loving and I am capable of committing myself fully to a relationship. I never when relationships ended, it really just didn't matter to me because it was all about me anyway. So I'll just find somebody else that it will be all about me. It doesn't matter to me. I don't care for you. I care for you for what I can get. That was what my ethic was in life.

But today I am grateful for the fact that it is no longer that way.

And with the third step, I think there's sort of four points to the third step in that right after the ABC's. It says that the first requirement it's it introduces step three. And it says the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success. And I'd like to suggest that that's including drunk or sober that my life run on my, well, me doing whatever I want to do can hardly be a success. And then it goes into a story of the actor who is forever trying to run the show, who's always manipulating all the people

around them. And, you know, they kind of adopt,

let me put it this way, I adopted a view of life that, you know, if only you would do what I think that you should do, not only will I be happy, but you'll be happy and the world will be wonderful. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think there's a greater statement of trying to play God than that. You know what I mean? And that was how I lived my life, that I know it's best for everybody. And if you did what I thought you could, that you should be doing, that you'd be happy in life would be wonderful. Besides the fact that I would appreciate it. And as far as I'm concerned, the greatest word that that describes is manipulation,

form of playing God. And that when I try to do that inevitably, even when my motives are good, even when I think that, you know, this is what's best for you. I mean, I can't understand why you don't see it. You know, that even in my best motives and even when I do the best in manipulating other people, that I still step on the toes of the people around me and I cause a lot of pain for them. And for me that that pretty much this is when the book started to convict me on a level that was much deeper than, yeah, I drank too much. And yeah, when I stopped, I, I always went back to it.

People saw that that was going on in my life. But when you started knowing, when this book started calling me on my manipulations and my wanting to run the whole universe, there's no way that these gentlemen that aren't even alive anymore that wrote a book in the late 1930s could have known that about me. These people were talking about alcoholism. They were talking about the inner condition that they were struggling with, and they were calling me on my stuff 60 years from the grave. These people were convicting me of something that not too many people could have known about. I certainly wasn't talking to people about the fact that I wanted to manipulate the world.

There's no way that they could have known that, Yet here it is in a book,

and this was convicting me on a much deeper level than just the surface. Yeah, I drank too much stuff.

Then it talks about it about on page 62, which for me I think is the essence of the decision that we're making in the third step,

which is

it says here, this is the here, this is the how and why Vet. First of all, I had to quit playing God. It didn't work.

Is there anybody here that's had success in playing God?

It says next, and I'm going to it uses words like we an hour, but I'm going to personalize it. I think it's talking about me. It says that next. I decide that hereafter in the in this drama of life, God is going to be my director. He is the principal. I am his agent. He is the Father and we are his children.

And in the original manuscript, the next line said, get that simple relationship straight, no subtlety there. And then it says most good ideas are simple. And this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. Now the keystone is the the top stone in an arch and it holds the rest of the structure together. So a keystone is something that's incredibly important, obviously, if it holds the rest of the structure in place. So it's saying here that God is going to be our director.

So I need to be moving in a direction where

I'm being directed by that voice within me that is of love and that is of unselfishness, honesty, purity. I'm going to get into the four absolutes later on,

which for me kind of

is a good way of regulating whether I'm doing the right thing, quote UN quote, or whether I'm following the right voice within me, quote UN quote. It says that he is the principal. We are his agents. A principal gives the agent the power to represent itself, sort of like a an insurance agent. The company gives the insurance agent the ability to represent itself. So in going forward, I need to have my higher priorize the principal and he gives me the power to sort of represent him in going forward.

And it says he is the Father, we are his children,

which is, you know, since God has no grandchildren,

it's sort of saying that we're all brothers and sisters. And I need to start acting that way,

needs to start moving away from some of the prejudices that I have. And if you start moving away from the kind of relationships that I used to get myself into, in that if you acted the way I wanted you to, you were around and you were my friend and, and I liked you, you know, but if you didn't act the way I wanted you to, you just were in my life that I need to move away from the judgment of. And don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean I'm supposed to stay in sort of an abusive relationship. I need to see people for what they are, but I need to start treating people equally and I need to start start seeing that we're all brothers and sisters and I need to act that way.

Then the, there's the third step prayer, which

you know, it talks about

God, Ioffer myself to you to build with me, to do with me as you will relieve me of the bondage of self. That's kind of an interesting statement cuz it's almost sort of like saying relieve me of me, you know, relieve me of the bondage of self, Relieve me of the bondage of that voice in my head. That's, that's the wrong voice. You know, relieve me of that ego that's always trying to get me to do things that I know are wrong and that that isn't a nice way to treat people. You know, relieve me of that relieve me of following that voice

says Take away my difficulties that are that I may better do your will.

I'll take away my difficulties that victory over they may bear witness to those I would help of your power, your love and your way of life. May I do your will always. And then there's an interesting statement after the prayer. It says we thought well before taking this death. So it's almost a joke that like he has us through the prayer and then says, you better, better mean that, you know, And for me, that prayer is just a

a reflection or it's just an affirmation of the decision that we're making in the bottom of page 62, that God's now going to be our director, he's going to be our principal and that he's our father. That this prayer is just an affirmation of that. And then for me, the last part of Step 3, which is pretty important as far as I'm concerned, it's the one that's probably the most missed and one of the most. That's as far as I'm concerned, probably the most important aspect of it. It says that,

you know, though our decision, which is the third step decision,

was a vital and crucial step, that it could have little permanent effect unless at once, which means immediately followed by a strenuous effort, which means intensely active effort to face and to be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us. Our liquor was what a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions that those are the deeper levels of the alcoholism, the the psychological, mental, spiritual aspects of alcoholism that we need to see. Yeah. And the third step of making a decision to turn my own life over to God. But what actually prevents me from doing that as I go through life

actually prevents me from doing the right thing. What actually prevents me from liking people that pissed me off, you know, I mean, or treating them nicely. You know, if a resentment is telling me what to do, then God can't be. And my that inner voice is not going to get me to do the right thing and to perhaps be loving or to be considered or patient because the resentment's telling me what to do. If fears tell me what to do, then my higher power can't be because fear is going to get me to do things that I know I shouldn't be done. And because I have the fear, I have no choice and I have guilt and remorse over things that I've done is telling me what to do in my higher power can't be. So I need to look

what's blocking me from actually doing this decision and then get rid of it in steps 6789, because that's where I get rid of, you know, what the character defects are. And then you get rid of the guilt or remorse or things I had done. And then that frees me up to just be in the moment, to just be here and now. Whether someone acts inappropriately, I can still act appropriately. And if someone doesn't, I can, I can be all right with it. You know what I mean? That either way, it doesn't matter what they do. It doesn't matter what they say. It doesn't mean I have to hang out with them a lot. But then I can still act appropriately when the time comes, and I don't have to be controlled by the inner voice that comes from

resentment and guilt and remorse.

There's something that's interesting in the third step it talks about.

It talks about that our troubles are basically our own making, they arise out of ourselves, and that an alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot, though we usually don't think so. That above everything, Alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. It says I must or it kills me.

If you think about it,

self will and self knowledge is the only thing outside of God that I am going for me.

And what this is saying is that the only thing that I have going for me is the exact thing that wants to lead me back to drinking. That myself knowledge and myself will, which is what I've tried to run my life on for my whole life, is the exact thing that inevitably brings me back to drinking. And if I'm lucky, if I'm not lucky, it just brings me back to more misery and more

more progressive inner discomfort. But the only thing that I have going for me outside of God is the exact thing that wants me to drink. And for me, that's the big catapult that drives us into doing these steps, and that drives us into seeking another way besides our own. Because my best thinking got me drunk more than once. And my best thinking, outside of being driven by that inner voice that is of God, is the thing that brought about most of the misery, if not all of it, in my life.

And for me, that's sort of the key to the third step. And that's the desperation that the third step presents us with. Is that my, the only thing that I have going for me, which is self will and self knowledge is the exact thing that wants me either very miserable or very drunk?

That place at the end of the third step that Bill read and talked about where it says that we have to at once embark upon the program recovery that's found in steps 4 through 9. That's exactly the position that I mean, I didn't choose that position that I had my back against the wall at five months sober. And that's exactly the position that I was forced into.

You know, I certainly did not have an understanding of the third step at five months sober or even at two years sober, at even five years sober that I have today. And I'm sure my understanding or my experience with it on the spiritual level will be much different two years from now than it is today.

But the way I interpret it, the third step when I was five months sober was, hey, I'm making the decision or I'm my back is up against the wall. I'm being forced into a position where I just, I'm going to go ahead with the rest of the steps. I'm going to do 4 through 9. You folks said it worked for you.

I got nothing better. I mean, alcohol is not really enough. Well, it was an option,

you know. I mean, if alcohol wasn't an option then why would I want to go ahead and do the rest of the steps?

So I had the fire of alcohol practically burn in my tail and I had to do a four through 9 rather quickly.

So there's something that that I wrote a couple months ago, back in October,

this summer, a couple things, a couple situations occurred in my life and, and in my wifes life also. Sometimes I don't know the difference between my life and her life. And, you know, that gets to be real interesting from time to time.

But these situations that just occur in our lives.

And I, you know, I had the type of ego where I tend to take those things personally. And it really gets me in connection with with my third step.

It says it sometimes seems that life has a tendency to come straight at us like a speeding bullet. The problem is, is that we think we're the target. We are not the target of life's happenings, but we think we are. The truth is, is that life just happens. The bullets are just random firings,

but we think the problems in our lives are like a guided missile headed for a target on our forehead. But if the Big Book is correct when it says our troubles are of our own making, then we're the ones that paint the target. And sometimes we go out searching for the bullets.

In other instances, we are sleeping when the bullets are fired and we're not alert enough to move out of the way. But when we awaken spiritually, we realize that life is not out to get us.

We are just another energy field that the bullets of life pass through. We are not the targets.

We

there's a couple third step parables that I really like. The one that I'm going to read now. We read quite often and there's a second one that I that I just came across this morning.

By the way, the third step does say made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care God as we understand God, The parable is a drunk is staggering along the street and he meets God. God, I can't do this anymore. He says, please, please will you give me sobriety? Sobriety isn't free, says God.

How much money do you have drunk? Reaches in his pocket. 50 bucks? I'll take it, says God. You're sober.

Like a magic wand, The man stands up straight, drunk no more. It feels pretty good. Yeah, but God, yes.

I know I gave you my money willingly, but you see, I need to get gas for my car. You have a car? Well, yes. You didn't tell me that I'll take the car. But. But I'll take the car. It's part of the price you pay for your sobriety. But how will I get to work? You have a job. I'll take the job

too, but God, how will I pay my mortgage? Mortgage. You have a house,

I'll take that too. But God, my, my family, how will I take care of them? If you have my house and my job, how am I going to take care of my family? God says to him gently. In order to keep your sobriety, you must give me these things. But I will let you drive my car as long as you remember it's my car. You can have the job, but remember you're working for me.

It's my house, but I will let you live in it.

And As for the family, they are my family, but I will trust that you will take care of them.

The second parable is called the bike ride. And no, I'm not going to do God's voice again.

The bike ride I first saw. At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong so as to know whether I merit it heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like the president. I recognized this picture but when I saw it, but I didn't really know him.

But later on, when I recognized my higher power, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride.

But it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places. Imagine that. But life has not been the same ever since. Life with my higher power, that is God, makes life exciting. When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring but predictable.

It was the shortest distance between two points,

but when he took the lead he knew delightful long cuts up mountains and through rocky places and at the breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to hang on, even though it looked like madness, he said pedal. So I lied. I did do God.

I worried and I was anxious and asked where are you taking me? He laughed and didn't answer and I started to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say I'm scared, he'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey, Our journey, Gods and mine,

and we were off again. He said

give the gifts away, their extra baggage, too much weight. So I did, to the people we met. I found that in giving I received and still our burden was light. I did not trust God at first, in control of my life. I thought he'd wreck it. No one in this room can relate, I know that. But he knew bike secrets.

He knew how to make. He knew how to make it bend to take sharp corners,

jump to clear high places filled with rocks, fly to shorten scary passages. And I'm learning the shut up and pedal in the strangest places and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, my higher power. And when I'm sure I can't do anymore, he just smiles and says pedal

those parables. And what Bill covered in the third step

propels us into what we're going to be discussing for the next 20 or 25 minutes. And I think it's the the basis of what this workshop was intended for was

maintaining conscious contact.

And I have found no better vehicles to do that than our 10th and the 11th step. There was a quote on the flyer and I really like it

and I'll reread it. It comes from an article that Bill Wilson wrote for the Grapevine in 1958.

I'm I'm actually going to read more than what was just on the flyer.

See if you can identify what this internal condition. Presently, he says we know we aren't doing well enough. We still can't handle life as life is. There must be a serious flaw somewhere in our spiritual practice and development. What then, is it? The chances are better than even that we shall locate our trouble and our misunderstanding and neglect of a a Step 11 prayer, meditation, and guidance of God.

The other steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning, but Step 11 can keep us growing

if we try hard and work at it continually.

If we expend even 5% of the time on step 11 that we habitually and rightly lavish on Step 12, the results can be wonderfully far reaching that that is an almost uniform experience of those who constantly practice Step 11.

On page 98 of the 12 and 12 it says there's a direct linkage among self examination, which we find in our 4th and 10 steps, primarily meditation and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit, but when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.

Can you imagine the spiritual practices of self examination, meditation and prayer found in our 10th The 11th step? Our co-founder Bill W says that they can provide an unshakable foundation for life,

provided that we do them on a day-to-day, moment to moment basis.

Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality, which is God's Kingdom, and we will be comforted and assured that our own destiny in that realm will be secure for as long as we try, however faltering, to find and do the will of our own Creator

goes on to say on page 101,

meditation, which I don't know about you, but we tend to not really hear a lot about meditation in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. We, we seem to know a lot about prayer, but there's really not being at least in the meetings I go to. Maybe it's different here in Albany, but I, I kind of, and I hate to say this, but I kind of had to go outside of a, a, a little bit,

but I don't mean outside.

Everything I do in my life

is along with never instead of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

anything, any type of spirituality or religious practices or the the Native American stuff that I've practiced over the years or the OR the Eastern philosophies or the Christianity or or what have

meditation is something which can always be further developed. It has no boundaries either of width or height ate it by such instruction. An example as we can find. It is essentially an individual adventure, and I'm grateful for that. Something which each one of us works out in his own way, but its object is always the same. To improve our conscious contact with God,

with God's grace, wisdom, and love.

I had been hearing, I have been hearing the expression, you know, getting back on the beam or being on the beam or whatever for years. And to be honest with you, I always viewed mentally whenever somebody mentioned that a gymnast on a bar dancing there, their incredible way that they're able to do on the the balance beam and thinking that when the gymnast fell off,

that meant that they were off the beam. And then I read something recently,

as a matter of fact, it was this year that showed me that I didn't know what I was talking about again.

And, you know, again, it's kind of interesting because,

you know, sometimes we just have these mental pictures of what something means and then we find out what it really means. And it's so completely different. This is what it said. It says today most commercial flight is done on a radio beam. A directional beam is produced to guide the pilot to his destination. And as long as he keeps on the beam, he knows that he is safe. Even if he cannot see her, he cannot see around him for fog or gets his bearings in any other way.

As soon as he gets off the beam in any direction, he is in danger and he immediately tries to get back on the bean.

We all have this same spiritual being within us upon which to navigate. You are off the beam the moment you get angry or resentful or jealous or frightened or depressed, and when such a condition arises, you should immediately get back on the beam by turning quietly to the Higher Power within, acknowledging His presence, awakening to the awareness of His love and intelligence that is within you. You are then back on the beam and you will reach port in safety.

Keep on the beam and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

That wasn't like the balance beam that I thought it meant, but I thought that was kind of interesting that, you know, in some cases,

in regard to this higher power stuff, you know, people have such a difficulty in turning their will and their life over, at least almost all of it.

And what gave us our will in our life in the 1st place is this power that we're now turning back to. I think it's kind of interesting that, you know, these pilots turn their will in their life over to this computerized electronic beam to bring them into safety. And you know, even perhaps people in the woods have like a little compass that they

put their will of their life into to bring them back to where they need to go. Yet this loving, all knowing creator of the universe we hesitate to turn to. For me, it's kind of an interesting thing that what gave us our willing to life in the 1st place, we're hesitating to now give it back to. It just seems kind of interesting when it's put into those terms. And that was something that I struggled with for many years. Also,

I had mentioned before about the Four Absolutes

I.

The Four Absolutes actually is in the Big book, but in its reverse. The Four absolutes came from the Oxford Group. The Oxford Group is where all the steps came from and most of the spiritual principles and practices that we use in a A came from the Oxford Group. Bill and Bob were members of the Oxford Group for the first few years before a A started and the four absolutes are absolute love, absolute unselfishness, absolute purity and absolute honesty.

And

for me, that's one of the tools that I like to use in regard to

how do I know which voice I'm listening to within me? How do I know if this is perhaps an inspired or a correct activity that I'm about to get myself involved in? Or is it not? Am I listening to the ego again? Am I listening to that negative, unhealthy voice that's within me that's always trying to get me to do things that inevitably is wrong or selfish or dishonest or whatever? And in the first step in the Resentment inventory, the 4th column, it talks about the opposite of the four absolutes when it says, you know, where was I? Dishonest,

Selfish,

self seeking and frightened, which is the opposite of the four absolutes. In the 10th step, it talks about when we've fallen off of the when we're headed in the wrong direction. It talks about continue to watch for selfishness, which is the opposite of unselfishness, dishonesty, which is the opposite of honesty, resentment, which is the opposite of purity and fear, which is the opposite of love. And then again the 11th step, it talks about the opposites when it talks about resentful, selfish, dishonest and afraid. So it actually is in our literature, but it's actually in reverse where

when we fallen short, we look at the the opposite of the four absolutes. And something that I like talking about too, is that OK, if those four things or if things like that or what it's like when we fall off the beam, then why don't we also focus on what's what's going to head us in the right direction? Which for me, a big part of my spiritual walk is, you know, is what I'm about to do honest? You know what? I would I be a little reluctant for a lot of people to know what I'm about to do. That's a really good way of saying, wait a minute, maybe I shouldn't do this.

If some people that really respect me and my family members perhaps are close friends, if they were to find out what I was about to do, would they be ashamed of me? Then maybe that's something I shouldn't be getting myself involved in.

And you know, when it talks about purity, not only is that sort of, you know, sexual activity or sexual thought, which is what most people think of, it also has to do with our motives that, you know, our motives pure. Am I helping somebody because I want to really help them? Am I helping somebody because I want something out of it? You know what I mean? That's that's part of the purity thing too, That for me, a part of the path that I try to walk includes those four attributes. And yes, they are,

they are a high order. You know, sometimes I don't want to be loving towards somebody they don't like. But you know what? Inevitably, when I do love somebody that I don't like, I don't do it for them. I do it for me because I feel good when I come out of a situation like that. Yeah, maybe I don't think you deserve it. But when I'm reasonable and considerate and, and you know, unselfish toward you, I love the feeling that that produces I'm able to bring about with inside, inside of me, something I was never able to do when I was totally selfish, which for me again, is

moving away from the next drink and moving away from misery. Because, you know, now I'm able to by living a certain way of life to bring about that ease and comfort and that nice feeling on the inside of me by the way that I live my life. I don't eat alcohol and drugs anymore to do that.

It's interesting with the four absolutes because

sort of where it, the root of where it came from was that a gentleman named Robert Speer wrote a book which I've still not been able to find. And that's kind of unusual because I've pretty much found almost every book that I've tried to, to get when it comes to stuff that influenced early A A and, and, you know, some of the

religious and spiritual and practical roots of where a lot of our stuff came from. This gentleman, Robert Spear wrote a book that in there, what he did was he took Christ's most famous talk called the Sermon on the Mount, and he boiled it down to those four absolutes. And that was where the Oscar group picked it up. And that was where I kind of made its way into a A in its opposite. So it's it's, you know, it's it's there, but not as they're written in before absolute form. But, and I'm not advocating any specific

legend or anything like that. I'm just giving some background of where it came from. But for me, it captures the essence of, I think what our big book and our spiritual literature is talking about when it's when it's talking about, you know, how do I know if I'm doing God's will? I mean, God doesn't talk to me. I don't know about anybody else here, but you know, I don't have this finger on my shoulder saying this is the direction you need to go in. And in looking at those four, looking at those four,

not necessarily absolutes, but those four

directions, let's call it that. You know, I can, if I'm about to do something, if I say to myself, you know, is this, is this honest is what I'm about to say or do? Is it an honest kind of a thing? You know, is it, is it loving? Is it the next loving thing? You know, maybe even is it necessary? Because sometimes I think it's a loving thing, but it's not necessary for me to tell somebody that they're, you know, you know, whatever. Sometimes I, I get into that. But you know, is it with a pure motive And, and is it, is it, you know, a loving thing? Is it unselfish that what I'm about to do? And then if I'm, if I'm really not sure when I balance it with those

measuring sticks, if they still apply, it's still probably a really good idea that that I'm headed in the right direction. You know, it's something that I try to do in regulating my thinking and my actions to be coming from a motivation of something that's a little bit more God directed and a little bit more in a healthy direction as opposed to the way I used to live my life.

Bill talked about some of the practices or for lack of a better word, some of the mechanics of Step 10. And it's interesting as as far as the way that the big Book is outlined,

we're also to be doing some of those same things in Step 11. Again, self examination, meditation and prayer. When taken separately, they can produce great beneficial results,

but when logically related and interwoven, they can provide an unshakable foundation for life. And some of the same things that Bill mentioned, this Bill, the barefoot one over here mention in regards to the 10th step, those are some of the same things that I get to do. I get to do. They're no longer a chore anymore. I actually have the honor and privilege of sitting down in the evening with a notepad and I get

to examine how my

actions and behaviors were today. Yippee. I am so thrilled to do that. But quite often I, I come at it from that position, you know, how was I today?

I always find it interesting in, in the in the 10th step that it when it talks about resentment, selfishness, dishonesty and and fear, it doesn't say if these crop up.

It says when these crop up, because they will. You know,

I'm not some enlightened Zen master sitting up here.

I am a human being and I fall short and I make mistakes and I still have character defects that are alive and well within me. If you don't believe me, I will give you my home number. Speak to Kathy Lawrence, she is my wife,

but I get to take a look in the evening how I was all throughout the day

and I get to go to bed with a clear conscience.

If I have amends to make, I can make those tomorrow

and I can wake up the next morning and I can ask God to guide and direct my thinking.

Please divorce my thinking from selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

And then when my thinking is cleared of these wrong motives, I can be a spearhead for God. I can be that agent for God that the third step charges us with. I get to be an agent for God. I get to be a child of God.

I get to do God's work. I get to do God's bidding. And I need to get right with my Creator. I need to get right with my deep inner consciousness, my true nature where I originally came from. That that part of me that is one, that part of me that is whole. That part of me that has been perfect right from the inception,

but I'm the one that clogged up the drain with alcohol and drugs and and in my case food and inappropriate sex conduct and a lot of other self will. But we get to unclog that drain now we get to clear out that Channel and it's a day by day, moment to moment basis and we get to start our day off on the right footing. So we don't.