The Angle Group in Cleveland, OH

That would be sober and and and be attending a meeting at all times tonight. So you listen to Dolly. I'm just give you something to take home and keep yourself another 24. Thanks, John. Thank you, buddy. Hello, everyone. My name is Dolly Abbott and I am an alcoholic.

It's good to be with you tonight. It is good to be with you. I love the energy here. It's a beautiful meeting, huh? The world famous hangover

it is helped a lot of souls through the years, son. A lot of people got saved right here down in these rooms,

like in all the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. We're about saving souls.

Please help me with the Serenity Prayer,

God,

I am moving things around, you know, straightening things up. I got to let go of this control. You know,

my sobriety date is October 6th, 2002. I have a sponsor. She's here. Chris Idell, you know my Home group. I tell you that because those are three very important things.

They told me that that's what I need to be a member in good standing and Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm proud. I am blessed. I am extremely grateful to tell you I have a sobriety date. It's been a long time coming,

but I believe that I had to do everything I had to do. I had to take every drink I had to take. You see, I had to be badly mangled

before I could humble myself enough that say a sincere prayer

and to take some simple direction from another human being.

I grew up in an alcoholic family. My father was alcoholic, my mother was not. Very Simply put, my father was always having fun. That's what it seemed like to me. He was very irresponsible. There were fights in the home and my mother was always mad. My mother was always mad. As I grew up, I didn't know who to blame. I didn't know if I should. My father, I was really convinced that he certainly didn't love me because why didn't he get sober for me? He said I didn't understand alcoholism. And my mother, I was so angry at her. I would

playing Earth throughout the rest of my life for everything we would go wrong. You know, I got into the blame game very early

because she couldn't handle the problems

and I seem to look to her to handle the problems, so I would blame her for everything. I was 14 years old when I had my first drunk,

went to a party. There were kids there that were older than me. All these guys, they look so good, you know, they're older and I wanted to impress them

and I want them all to like me. And the girls, they look so good. And I didn't measure up. I didn't feel comfortable with myself. I was certain they had more than I had do, you know? But I don't act like that, you know, I don't act like that. Good actress right from the beginning. So I don't know. Right before my right before my first drink. I'm being driven by fears and I don't even know it.

You know? That's the amazing thing. Well, I'll tell you something. I got drunk and I stepped right out of myself. My fears just went away. I was the best thing that ever happened at that party. The best thing I'm telling you, you had to see me that night. I was the best dancer. You know it. It was my solution. It solved everything. I moved really easy about that money. That's what I will remember.

I love the effect of alcohol. I'll put it even simpler. Qi love the buzz. I love being high

period. Love it, just love it. And I fell in love with it that night. And I'll tell you the truth, I blacked out. I threw up all over the place and I passed out. That's the truth. But I don't remember anything like that. You see, I remember how it made me feel. I become really preoccupied with alcohol after that. And you know, if you hear it all the time on weekends, I just, that's what I want to do. We're going to drink. I want the healing over and over again.

In fact, you know, I almost became preoccupied as a good word we'll use at this point. And I'm doing it every weekend. You know, I'm in Catholic school at the time. I get kicked out of one Catholic school. You know, I'm very defiant. You know, I don't listen to rules. I, I seem to do things my way. And that's very early on. And I think that existed prior to me crossing that line into alcoholism that I believe happened later on.

Do you know? And I get kicked out of one school. I'm in another Catholic school, and I don't listen. I do what I want to do. There's a spiritual retreat going on. I'm downstairs in the basement of the Catholic school with my friends who are just like me because we party, we're cool. We, that's what we do. That's what we enjoy doing. They're my best buddies. I love them. I'm part of them.

We're like a game. Do you know what I mean? We do this. I love it. Always wanted to be part of. Found my piece. Found my peace. Found my people

serious. I found that. Love them. I'll die for them. They'll die for me. You know, that, that that was my thinking, you know,

and I'll tell you, we're drinking. I'm up there, you know, I'm drinking beer. But I found the nuns beer. I like that one drinking beer. And my legs are up on the table smoking, you know, having a great time. And I got caught. They sent me a psychiatrist and I'll take well, I had more detentions than anyone in this school. I told you I'm defiant, you know, and they sent me the psychiatrist because they figured now she's drinking. My mother is really upset

and I remember I go to the psychiatrist. It was a very simple solution, This. I lied. I mean, that's what we do. I lied. I told the man it's the first time I ever, ever drank. He believed me. It's good. It's all good. He just told the nuns I was experimenting and my mother believed that. Everybody believed it. They're happy. I'm happy. I go my merry way. You know I will condemn lie.

I will continue that behavior the rest of my drinking career.

I always lied about how much I drank or how much I did anything. I never told the truth.

I always minimize. I just didn't want you to know, you know? I'm a pig drinker, you know what I mean?

Everything's great. I end up, you know, and I'll Fast forward. I get into college. I love college. I arrived. This is the colleges is perfect. Kent State 1970. Wow.

I mean, do you remember? Can you Sorry you guys have seen young. Well, let me tell you about Kent State. Anti war demonstrations, anti government. Don't trust anybody over the age of 30. We're going to overthrow everything. We're drinking, we're partying. I'm in. I this is easy for me. You see, I always was contrary. It's almost by my nature that I could do the wrong thing a lot easier than the right thing. I don't know why that is.

Yeah, I do know I'm backwards. I'll talk about that a little later, all right? But, you know, this is easy. I love it. I'm free. I'm an adult. Parents aren't around. Boy, I'm responsible. I'm growing up. This is cool. Holy cow. I'll tell you something. I do Get out of school, get a good job. My husband, he gets a good job. I married this man. OK, I got guess what? I married the man that had that party

when I was 14 years old and I was drunk. That's how much I stepped out of myself. I actually married the guy that hosted that party.

So yeah, with that, I tell you that for a reason. You know, that's the story of my relationships, and I just got off on that. See, that's what happens. I see you.

I feel something.

I feel it. There's the love of my life. I act upon it immediately. And then I think about it sometimes for the next 20 years in deep regrets. You know, I think I'm backwards. I think I'm backwards. I think normal people think about something first, you know, before they plow into it. They, you know, they think about it, right? They get into the would you like to go for coffee?

You know, something like that, I guess. And then, you know, then they have a feeling. I'm just the opposite,

and that's this. I just told you, if I wrapped up my relationships right then and there, that's exactly what happened. He's doing good. I think I'm doing good. It's like white picket fence time. The American dream is on. We both got good jobs. Here's a problem, though. I'm drinking every day. See, I'm beginning to drink every day and I'm a black drinker and every day. And I'm going to tell you it's about as simple as this.

I want to go out.

I don't like to stay home and drink. I go out

and I don't want him with me. Ain't grabbing my style. I want to drink and have fun. Oh, but I still want to be married, you know, I want, I want him there. It's good security, you know, but I want my freedom to That's another conflict that I will live with. Conflict, conflict, conflict. My whole life is nothing like conflict dilemmas.

I'm a blackout drinker. I'm the woman that goes down to the bars here in Cleveland. I'm passed out on sidewalks. Huh. I come to

in parking lots 8:00 in the morning, thank God out of my car was running. The heat was on. It's the dead of winter.

You got the picture. I'm a blackout drinker, right? I'm a drunk. I've crossed the line into alcoholism and I don't know it. I don't know it.

I had many car accidents. I'm going to tell you about one coming around Dead Man's Curve and I have this sports car. Oh yeah, I had a sports car. I look good on the outside, you know,

had some money in my pocket.

I got to tell you, it wasn't mine. It was my husband's and anybody else who give me any money. You know, I live off other people's money pretty good. I spend all my money, you know that. And I worked all my life and couldn't make a living. You know, when I got sober, one of the first things that happened was to give myself a raise, you know, money, money just happened to be there a little bit more. I'm coming around Dead Man's Curve one night and there's a semi in front of me. And

make it very simple. That little sports car hit that semi and went right underneath the back of it and it stopped right there, right at the windshield. It stopped.

California speakers talk about inches and seconds.

I think us here in Akron and Cleveland talk about the grace of God.

That car, that truck drugged ME3 miles

and I didn't know it.

I'm sitting in the car thinking I hit a wall. That's what I'm thinking. I don't realize I'm moving. I don't realize anything. I look up and I see this big wall, and here's my reaction while you hit a wall. It's about as simple as that. I threw that car in reverse twice to try to back it up off that wall. It didn't move, of course, and I remember

there was a stillness in that car

that I that I'll never forget. I literally almost underneath the whole car there. I cannot hear movement,

I cannot hear any noise. There was this DOOMS that was profound.

And I remember I'm thinking because, you know, if you leave me with my thinking, Oh my God, you know, Oh my God. Yeah. I think I'm on a wall, you know, I wake up in crazy places. You know,

I say, I, I, I, I reach to open the door to step up

and I heard a voice sway deep down inside. It said, just say the police will come. And I listen, Thank you, God. Listen, the police did come, jumped out of that car. Like, hey, like I was at a party, huh? Like a party. I said, hey, how are you? Did I hurt anyone? They said no. They were very kind. They gave me no tickets. They were just so happy that I was alive. I always lived on the kindness of other people. But I couldn't see that, see, 'cause I'm a user of people,

I use people, I love things. I play UK. Yeah,

unfortunately I played a lot. My mother paid dearly.

They brought me to the Police Department. If I could call, get a ride home. I look over and I see that car under there and I'll tell you something. Here's the thought that enters my mind. I don't think my poor husband, he's going to have to now pay for that car out of his pocket because I dropped the insurance last week. I needed my money for something else.

You know, I figure, you know how we juggle? Oh, my life, I juggle. You know, I'm not paying this bill. I'm not paying that bill. Pay a little bit. Here, take here. Skip this one. Whole whole life. I'm overwhelmed. I'm like tired of this. Can't even keep up with it. I look over that car and I don't think, I don't think my poor husband, he's going to have to pay for that car. Here's my thought,

Wow am I in trouble? Wait till they find this one out. Especially about no insurance.

You see, I'm always concerned about myself.

I am unable to think about other people and I don't even know it. I think that's normal. I love Doctor Silk work. We don't know the truth from the false. I believe at this point that the way I'm living is normal, that the way I'm thinking is normal.

I concede you that maybe I get a little out of hand at times, but I'm OK.

You see, I'm first, your second. I don't even know where God is. Who's thinking about God?

Because I'm a very intelligent person who's more intelligent. Before I came here, I used to be real intelligent. God was so far out there, I don't even know what happened, You know what I mean? I'm an agnostic and I'm bright, so intelligent. I almost ended up in the graveyard I went to. I'm just going to Fast forward, you know, I

awful the police did bring me to the police, to the Police Department and I go to the and I lay down in the cell 'cause I was so intoxicated waiting for my ride. The officer closed the the doors and I went berserk. I thought, wait a minute, do you know who I am? I don't even know who I am, right? Wait, do you know? I mean, I'm really thinking this, this is not a joke. You can't do this to me.

Do you know who I am? I know my civil rights. Open this door. I am screaming like a nut. The officer says. Please, please shut up. We don't want to arrest you.

I thought I had them, you know, I thought I was winning the fight. Now I went more in my great argument. I was arrested for disorderly. You have to know you're an alcoholic when you're arrested behind bars, you know, I mean, this is society safe. I'm even safe, you know? I don't know what threat I was to anyone, you know. But I do know something. Today I was unable to control my emotional nature. I run on emotions. Dolly does what she wants to do. Dolly says what she wants to do. That is it

selfish to the core, to the core. I love the big book. Extreme example of self will run right. What is that word? Extreme mean the worst of a lot. I don't know, man. I think it does, huh? Extreme example. And that's how I would live my life totally unselfwell, I do what I want to do. I get what I want to get, and I think it's going to be all right. I think it's going to be all right.

I end up in 11 treatment centers in my life

and I'm not going to even tell you about the 1st 4

because I'm always running the treatments, you know, because I think, you know, at this time I'm trying to control my drinking. I do want to, you know, So I always think, well, let me just go dry out a little bit and start over. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to start over. I'm always going to start over.

I should tell you at this time that it was during this period of time that I'm an alcoholic and I'm an alcoholic that does anything you put in front of me.

And I'm going to tell you one thing and maybe some of you can identify with this. If you're an alcoholic, should never do drugs.

Oh my God, we should never do drugs because you know how I did Drugs. Oh my God, the way I drink. But I'm an alcoholic that did anything you put in front of me. Because you see, when I'm drinking, I do absurd things. You know, I'm going to bring you up to get in another relationship. Guess what? It's no surprise that second relationship ends up just like the first one. They leave, they run, they're far away. Get out of my life,

you see, because

what I still didn't know, you know, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that if when I take a drink, I am unable to control the amount I take or drink, or if when I seriously want to quit, I cannot quit entirely. I am probably an alcoholic. And then it says after that, if that be the case,

that I'm suffering from a malady or an illness that says that only a spiritual experience will conquer.

Well, who knew that? You know, that's what I will learn there. But I'm going to tell you back down by back out there. I knew for sure I could handle this. You know, I used a lot of ways. You know, I'll tell you, I figure I'm too young to quit. I know when to quit. You know, I figure I quit when I'm 30. I'll quit when I'm 40. I'll definitely quit when I'm 45.

50 it's done it's done it. 50

Remember that definition

and I just honestly wanted to.

So

from the year 2000 to the year 2002, the year 2000, I'll enter the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, not for the first time, but I'll say for the first significant time, because those other treatment centers, the four previous I just walked in and walk right out. You know, I hear everybody thought I heard this woman, you know, I'm up there. She said she had a DUI and she came to a A and changed her life. And thank you, Jesus. And this is how twisted I am. My first A a meeting up.

Up there, up on the east side, I'm standing back there and I'm thinking this. Oh, my God, that's all she did When she comes here and change. I did a lot more than that. These people are nuts, you know? They're Yeah. Oh yeah,

See, I'm cool. I still had that cool mentality. I'll tell you. It was wiped out. It was smashed out and was smashed out the year 2000 to 2002. I'll enter Laurelwood Hospital

seven times

and I'm coming to Alcoholics Anonymous now because my job has finally caught up with me and they send me here on papers, Labor Relations, and I come very resentfully because you know what a good worker I am.

I should have been fired the first day. I never quit using, never quit using. I, I was dedicated. I didn't skip a beat, man. I didn't miss a date, you see, because I was unable to send an alcoholic. You see, alcohol is my solution.

Of course I can't quit, but I don't know that

year 2000, year 2002, I'm in Laurelwood Hospital 7 times. Every time I come out of that treatment center and I'm coming to Alcoholics Anonymous regularly. Boy, was that something. One foot and A and one foot out there to help. There's a living hell,

you know? There are times I wanted so bad what you had but could get it, just couldn't put those dots together.

And then there were times I couldn't stand yet. Huh.

Because I,

it was a trip. It was a real trip. It was a help. I don't ever want to be back there. I don't ever, you know, I don't think dying is the worst thing in the world for me. I think dying is for me to go back to that old way of life and I can't get back to you.

You see? That to me is true death, that I would have to live out there and not get back to you.

I'd rather die.

Every time I come out of that treatment center, my thinking just goes something like this. And it's very simple. I just got to do one. I can't sleep tonight. I'm too nervous. I don't feel good. I, you know, I got an obsession.

Oh, yeah. Major obsession, huh? And my obsession, the book says, is that someday I will drink as norm, other people, normal people do. And then that translates to me is just one. They won't know. I'll come back tomorrow, sit down, talk to my sponsor, lie, you know, the whole bit. They'll never know. And you know what happened? You see, I'm an alcoholic. As soon as you put something in me. What? As soon as something I ingest, anything

that alters my mind, something happens to me,

and I do more and more, and I can't stop. No matter how badly I want to stop. It is impossible for me to stop on my own power. So I go back to another treatment center. Where else am I going to go? Of course you invited me. You've always invited me to sit down, shut up and listen. Then maybe I hear something

that maybe I could pick up these beautiful tools.

See, because I don't understand alcoholism,

I keep thinking that if I go to the treatment center and and I just detox from this stuff, that I could come back here and I'll be OK. You see, because I, I don't know about the thinking disease. There's a paragraph in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I can't quote it, but it says our hopeless condition. It doesn't say it exactly like that, but it talks about our alcoholic mentality being our hopeless condition. There it is. It's a thinking problem. And we do know that

I will keep picking up that first string thinking it's going to be different, thinking it's going to be different, that I have control over it, that every form of. I can't believe it, in fact, Well, I'll tell you my last admission at Laurelwood Hospital. That doctor says to me, Dolly, you don't listen,

probably like that. I don't listen. And he says to me, and if you don't listen to me this time, he says, don't ever bother to come back here and ask for help. And I got a major resentment. I'm a very twisted and sick one. Here's what I'm thinking. Well, what do you mean don't come back here and ask what's wrong with you? You let everybody else in this center 50 million times, you get paid. What's wrong with me?

Wow,

that's where I'm at. It's how sick I'm getting. You know, I'm getting so sick. I could be driving home and I go, it's treatment center time now. Let's go check in.

I put myself in asylums. They used to call in the big book. They go and I think I'm all right. I think I'm all right. I'm put, I'm putting myself in sanitariums. I think I'm all right. Oh, my God, You know,

that man says don't bother ever to come and call me again.

And if I don't listen now, he wanted me to go to outpatient, you know, treatment. Oh, please. I've been there a few times. I could teach it. You know, that's what I'm thinking. Oh, really? OK. Would you like me to teach at this time? You know, I'm arrogant. You see, here's my problem. I can't listen. You see, I know everything.

I'm the Yeah, but kid, I understand. But you see, I'm different than you.

You don't understand me. My mind power is great,

was hard for me. For all of us to admit that our self will is of no avail is something that is so contrary to our natures

that it's they have to be badly beaten. Many of us. Well, I'll tell you, I come out of that hospital with the major resentment. You know, I didn't listen to a thing he said and I came out and that thought entered my mind and I picked up that first thing and you know the rest of the story, right? And like clockwork, I was almost dead. I was almost dead a short period of time, a short period of time after and I thought I was going to die physically, you know, I'd lost much weight and I won't describe you could imagine when I look like,

and at this time I'm living with my mother who's 87 years old. You see that second relationship I was in? Get out of my life.

You know, people want to live life. I think about it. You see, I I sit on the couch thinking about what I'm going to do tomorrow and I have great thoughts. You see my thoughts tell me I'm straightening up tomorrow. Wait till you see what I do tomorrow. Come on, let's go out. We'll blow everything we have tonight. Tomorrow we get sober. See that? That's what I think I can do. I think I have that power that I could just do this,

you know,

Needless to say, I called that doctor again. It was within a month or so, a couple months. And I begged and please let me in. And I meant it this time. Well, who knows? That's not my story. So I'm not getting interjected. I'll just tell you my story. Believed I meant it. I said please let me in. I'm going to die, please, please. And he said, no,

He said, now I'm going to pray for you. And he meant it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I think I would have went to those treatment centers revolving door until I died.

This is nice. I had nowhere to go.

Nowhere. I dropped out of Alcoholics Anonymous and nobody was calling me and nobody wanted me around.

The only person I have now is my mother, who's 87 years old, and she can't even talk anymore and it's all she can do is sit in the chair and say the restroom. I'm running into that house like a maniac. Like a maniac doing exactly what I want to do, tranquilling people. See, I use people. I'm a taker, you know.

We don't know what we don't know.

And

my father had died about a year previously. And I remember I was there and I was late to my father's funeral. I was late. I made my mother late to my father's here

six. I had to do something report Wednesday how I can't. Do you think I could go through a funeral? OK, to me, first,

I walked in that house talking sexy. I knew I was late. My defenses were already up. And she was sitting in that within that room, sitting in that kitchen waiting to go to her husband's funeral. And I walked in and said, don't worry about it, We're not that late.

Because I know I'm really wrong inside,

saw my character defects, you know, they're going to come out. You know, I love the 12 and 12 chief activator of all my defects itself,

you know, a lot of guilt, shame and remorse with that. Well, I'll tell you that doctor said no, and I didn't know what to do. I had nowhere to go. Literally. I had heard something that you guys had said and I'd always hear you say, because we plant seeds, don't we? We just plant seeds. We just throw them out there, huh? We don't know who they're going to hit, whose mind it's going to go. I have no idea. Just throw them out. There could be something so stupid or something that's insignificant to the majority. Might be

significant to one individual. We just have no way of knowing. That's not our job. See, that's God's. That's God's job. We just throw the seats. Not her job. Talk about a sincere prayer. Prayed all my life. Well, most of my life. You know the jackpot. God, I'm laying on the couch. Please get me sober. Never get up and take an action. I don't do a thing about it. You know, Alcoholics Anonymous said if nothing changes, nothing changes.

It's real simple. This simple program, I missed it,

you know, I just missed it, you know, and so nothing would change. It's about as simple as that. And that night, I remember I went to my room and I didn't have anywhere to go. I felt the loneliness

that only few of us know,

even in these rooms

even. See, this is soul sickness. This is not being separated from God and being separated from others and not even knowing who you are.

I guess that separation himself too,

not being connected. Ain't nothing happening.

It's empty and the alcohol is not working. And I thought, I said on that bed and I thought, what are you going to do now? What are you going to do now? Here's my thinking again. I'll go to Marysville Prison. That's what I'll do. Well, why not? I'm a dependent person, right? Everything is gone, almost. When it's all gone, I'm going to Marysville. I planned it out. I know how to get there. Not a fight.

Trucks I'll keep possessing. I'll keep doing this and put me on probation. Do it again, do it again. Do it again. I end up in Marysville. 33 meals a day,

huh? A car and company

wow, I have to just say this at this point, I'm a woman who wanted to be an attorney early on in life, you see, and I was offered chances to go to school and do that kind of stuff. You see, I wanted to be an attorney. I kind of thought I could do some good things maybe in my And now here I am at 51 years of age. I'm planning my retirement in Mary's.

There you go, demoralization.

And that thought even scared me. The thought even scared me and I hit my knees

and I ask God for mercy. I did not ask God for to get sober because try that many times. I ask God for mercy because I believe that I was going to die physically and I and I knew and you know what? It was a prayer in my heart. I couldn't very well form any words at this point. I could hardly talk

and I asked for mercy and I said I knew that I was a selfish

person

and I knew it that night. And when I got up from my knees, I remember I felt a movement in my heart

and I knew that my father heard that cry.

But, you know, I was preparing to die, I guess. You know, I went back to the God of my childhood and I guess what I was doing something I never believed in and I was always in conflict with all my life. I was doing an act of contrition, I guess. But I'll tell you, God had other plans to see. God had other plans. Three days later

and my first sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous came to my home. She flew in from South Carolina, you see. Wow, Wow.

I didn't call her. You see, In my mind I prayed you came.

Wow. God doesn't ask to hard terms for those who seek him. Huh.

She came, she walked in my house and she said are you do you want to be sober And I told the truth for the first time in my life. I said to her yes I do but I can't do it. She said no, you can't, but we can. And I heard her,

heard her for the first time right then in there I threw up my arms and I baked. Or please tell me what to do.

Please tell me what to do. And I'm here to tell you that. I hope I gave you a clear picture. When I came to Alcoholics Anonymous for two years, pretty consistently with all those treatment centers, how it didn't work for me because I did it my way.

And I want to tell you what I got when I did it your way. I got exactly what's written in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's exactly how I was sponsored and that's exactly what I got.

Wow. I surrendered. I did it your way.

It's not even believable is

I detoxed at this woman's home.

OK, I didn't go to a treatment center. Here was my prescription

Alcoholics Anonymous and vitamins. I stayed there five days. I was sick as a dog, you see, because I was the person that needed all that buprenets,

huh? That's what I needed. When I went to treatment. I couldn't handle it, huh?

And I tell you, I was sick, but it wasn't that bad,

you see, because I had surrendered to you. I was already part of the solution and didn't know it. I just needed you to keep walking with me like I do today.

You see, I made a decision. I love the old timers when they talk about that. Don't you love the big book? We all know the psychopath.

I love that one. You know we're all familiar with that type. Forever making a resolution and never a decision.

I made a decision,

I'll tell you, and I gotta say it because I believe this from the bottom of my heart and I also believe another thing, that the message we carry must have gotten late. This is a spiritual program.

I know that night that I had touched a power deep down inside myself. I didn't know when when it was happening, but I know it today only where God can be found. I call him God.

And how do I know that? Because from one of the minute that woman came into my house and the minute Alcoholics Anonymous became a wee program, I have never turned around.

It was like the willingness and the energy went from this direction to another direction.

I didn't get Lily white. I'm still not. I make many mistakes,

but I never turned back.

Huh. Never turned back. I know I had a spiritual experience.

That's all I did was ask God for mercy sincerely. Now I started to learn some things and one thing that I learned was when I was in Hilton Head detoxing, and this is significant. The man said to me, Dolly, you keep talking about your problems. We don't talk about our problems here. We talk about our solution in these rooms.

I heard him. I heard him.

My sponsor at that time would say you better read that big book. What the heck? Are you going to talk to us about these rooms? Because everybody that circled me, every see, they knew I wanted it. And I'm going to tell you something. You know how we are at Alcoholics Anonymous when we know you want it, Look out. We're on top. You won't do anything for you because we got to pass this on for ourselves to say it's over. It's part of the whole deal,

you know.

I'll tell you, man, I, I, I never he, you know, I have a magnificent magnifying mind. Like Doctor Paul writes in the paper, anything I concentrate on too much grows. Well, all the women around me never let me concentrate about my problems. You see, what they would tell me is we don't care how the Jack. But you know what I mean, though. Got in the ditch, Get her out. We don't care about the problem.

You know, to some degree,

what's the solution? What are we going to do? We begin living in the solution.

It's a beautiful thing.

Knows about 3 months sober. I'm not going to bring you to AI was about 3 months sober and I'm doing great. I'm following directions. I mean, this is amazing. This is the person that couldn't, you know, look at me. I don't have any obsessions to use. You know what I did?

You know how I lived.

Obsession was removed. It wasn't removed because I went to therapy and want to talk about compulsive obsessive behavior. It was removed because I began to live the 12 steps of Alcoholics and I was only God can remove it in session. Only God changes the character. I know that first hand. I know that from my own life. I've tried over and over again. I can never do it.

I try to change many times in my life. It just don't work for people like me.

Three involved player

now. I forgot where I was but I'll pick up.

We'll go here,

but I do remember how you see, thank you, God, about a few months sober. Life is going good. I mean, I never experienced the normality of living.

We think that life is normal. You have our only thing I ever wanted is life is cold or work, stop and buy a few groceries and go home. I can't even do that, you know,

life is getting normal. I'm feeling great. And I remember we used to go to meetings and all of us would form a little group, you know, we kind of ran and, and we used to like to call it a posse. It's fun to run in groups. It's a great support system, you know, And then we did that. We go to Denny's after the meetings and the meeting after the meeting was the best meeting there was. Huh. There was a little old man in Mayfield Heights with 48 years sobriety

on Don Cassini. And he always would get me like, oh, 'cause I was so sensitive,

so sensitive, you'd always tell me trying, lying, huh? That I don't know how to be honest with myself. And this got me. One day I sat there and I said, here, mom, and he's driving. I said I'm a miracle. And he says to me, you're not a miracle. I thought,

it's got to be so mean. This guy can't give me an inch, you know? He says you're not a miracle, you're a drunk.

I said everybody's telling me I'm a miracle. He says no, He said you're a drunk. Alcoholics Anonymous is a miracle in your privilege to be a part of it. No man's right. That old man is right. You know, it's about the same period of time. I think I'm a spiritual giant and I'm going to tell you exactly why I got a little normal.

I never baby arm up. This is feeling good. I must be. Wow. My feet were so, you know, my head was so up in the clouds. I'm not, you know, I'm not amused to another human being down here. But I think I'm of great value. And I'll tell you something. I love it. They told me that I should sponsor real early and help the newcomer. God help you if you raised your hand and you said you were a newcomer. Boom. We were on hills. We were on you. I gave

steps in 5 minutes. They're running away. And I used to say, I remember I would talk to my sponsor and I'm saying, Are you sure I'm supposed to do this? They're all running ways, you would say, but you're staying so, but I was staying so, you know, And I remember I'm sitting at this Denny's and everybody's talking and I'm thinking, wait a minute, this is getting out of hand. I got to monitor these people, right?

They're criticizing other people. I said, Oh no, stop. I said get up. Let me up. Let me up. I got to get out of here. I'm going home. You guys are criticizing people. This is not Alcoholics Anonymous. I got three months over all day.

Check this thing out. I said this is not Alcoholics Anonymous. I said let me out, but they wouldn't. They're trying to talk to me, you know, I said no. So guess what I did? I'm out. I'm out. I don't want to be like what? You know what they're doing. I've got in my big dirty boots on. I had my jeans were three. I must have been 5-3 sizes minimum, too big. I think I'm 15, you know, walking around. I got up and walked on the table, across the table

at Denny's, jumped down and said I'm out of here. You have nothing I want.