The Trinity Lakeside Group Dayton, OH

All right, the reason we're here tonight,

the gentleman that I've asked to come and share his experience, strength and hope. You know, they say if you keep coming back, more will be revealed. And I was talking to him just recently before the meeting started, and he shared with me that his father was Tom B that used to go to the Trotwood group, and

his wife was Mary Ann. I don't know so many people might have known them, but

they were very instrumental to me when I first came to into recovery. And he said that he was the son of Tom B and how great that was. Tom B certainly helped me a lot. And I remember he asked me about a computer. He tried to help me get a computer and he was real good on computers and everything. So I thank Tom B today that this particular guy is Tom DS son, and he goes down to the

W 1st the

what's the name of the group? Brown Baggers group. Yeah, downtown on Westbrook at 12 noon. And the thing I like about him is he always shares something and he backs it up with something that's in the big book, you know? And

when he listens, we all, when he talks, we all seem to listen to what he has to say and never heard his lead before. But I'm sure it's no different from any of the rest of us. So let's give a nice warm welcome to my friend and yours, Chad. Chad,

Chad, I'm an alcoholic.

My sobriety date is O1, O1 of O6.

Thank you for that.

After seeing that guy get 19 years, that doesn't even impress me anymore, but it really does. I never imagined I'll be up here with three years. Yeah, just a couple months ago,

I this book, Alcoholics Anonymous, mine doesn't have a cover. It's what it used to look like, but it, it definitely saved my life. You know, there's no doubt about it. And what it says on page 58, it says our story is disclosed in a general way, what we used to be like, what happened and what we're like now.

That's what I'm here to do. I'm going to try to do that.

I I don't go into the whole drunk log, I'll tell you about my first drink and my last drink and maybe one in between.

What what happened was

my mom always warned me. So when I read Bill's story and it said in there that he forgot those warnings of his family concerning drink, I could relate to that because my dad, like Raven said, he's an alcoholic. You know, he just celebrated like 20 years sobriety, but he wasn't around when I was a kid, two years old. And he, he scooted and mom went one way, he went the other way. So there was five of us kids,

and she's my hero. Yeah, she kept us together. There was no doubt. Without her, I wouldn't be here.

And I don't know how she knew this, but whenever we'd ask about him, she'd say your dad sick and a little bit, you know, that's, that's, that's it. You know, he was, he was sick. And,

you know, she warned me and she knew what alcohol could do because she she lived through that. And 17 years old, I took my first drink. It was a next door neighbor had a graduation party and there was a keg there. And I had never taken a drink, but I was pretty excited about the cake party. Yeah, all the high school girls were going to be there. I was going to be there. Seemed like right thing to do. So it was. We lived out in the country

and they had a bonfire and right next to the bonfire they had the keg and there was wood there and lit the fire. And, you know, once I took that first drink, something, something changed. And it was just me, you know, I felt comfortable with my own skin and I, I never felt that way before. I used to spend a night at this best friend's house and I wouldn't say anything to his parents. You know, me and him would talk, but I was just shy.

But that night I took that first drink, it couldn't shut me up. You know, they tried.

I mean, they really did. I was telling his sister what she should do about her marriage. I was telling everybody what, you know, I was 17 years old. I didn't know anything, but I thought I did. And what happened later on that night was the wood got put out of the wheelbarrow onto the fire. I ended up in the wheelbarrow. My buddy came over, put his hand on it, almost burned himself. He's like, hey, you got to get out of there. You know, you're going to catch on fire. But I was having a good time. He said that he never saw anybody puke straight up in the air.

That's what I did. I called with that and I kept on drinking. Yeah, that didn't even slow me down. And that, that was my first experience, you know, and then later on, a bunch of experiences later, what happened was it was a New Year's Eve and I just wanted to get that good night kiss. And I didn't know who I was going to get it from, but I, I, I went to the club, you know, 'cause that's, that's what I used to do.

And so I get to the club and I did, I got that good night kiss

and ended up I had a bottle of champagne at the house and I knew that I had been drunker before. Yes, I was OK to drive and I got pulled over, you know, and the police officer, I don't know if you guys ever saw Family matters, Steve Urkel, but he looked just like that cop. Yeah, big guy. And he asked me, walked a straight line and I did that, you know, 'cause I, I really,

I was intoxicated, but I've been

pulled over before in a blackout where the cop actually had to put my car in park and tell me about it later. So, so this time I felt pretty confident. So I'm walking a straight line. I did that fine. He said, say your ABC. So I'm doing that. Okay. And then he, he, he did one of these numbers where he was trying to stand on one foot and he almost fell over. And so I started laughing. Yeah, just tell me you got to laugh at that. And he looked at me

and I looked at him and I I was still laughing. I said, can you show me that again?

And that was when he said, put your hands behind your back. I said, yes, Sir, you know, I've done that before. So yeah, that was that was it. That was that was the last time I drank. And I don't know how this stuff works, but he he had me do the breathalyzer deal and he said that he wasn't going to take me to jail this time. Yeah, he he impounded the he said, I'll drop you off at your house. So he did that, drop me off the house. And once again,

yeah, I'm calling Dad. Yeah. Because that's what I used to do. By this time, he was back in my life. And yeah, we, I, I don't know, I, it was, it was all first step stuff. And I, I had no idea about this book or about Alcoholics Anonymous or that I had a problem. You know Fred's story on page 42 gives a a real good description of where I was at.

If you haven't read this story really help me.

It says well just that did happen and more for what I learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that willpower of self knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots. I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. I knew then it was a crushing blow. And for me, that's what it was like, because

before

I wanted to solve this problem, you know, whatever the problem was, I, I didn't want to be powerless over anything. And

I just, I wasn't real excited about the first step. Yeah, that was just my experience. I, it was something that I didn't know, you know, I ran out of answers. And I came to a, A before this and I, I heard a guy up here talking and, and I judged him, you know, and that's, that's what I used to sit in the back and I'd say, well, I never had this happen. I never had that happen.

And, you know, I'm too young for this,

but at this time I was late. Yeah, that, that that was where I got. So I came back there again and this time it was around 30 days sober is where I was at. And I, I couldn't, I couldn't live with those thoughts in my head anymore. And if you don't know what those thoughts are, then that's good because they weren't pretty. And and I knew that I'd be drinking again if I didn't find some kind of solution.

And I was coming today a meetings and I was listening

and I was still judging, you know, and today I'm pretty sure some of you guys out there are going to be judging me. But it's cool because what I do is I judge you all here. No, I'm

really what happened was after 30 days, there was this guy after the meeting and he would come up to me and we did that. You know, they pass out the meeting listings and they give phone numbers and they say give me a call.

I still wasn't calling anybody. It just wasn't what I did. And he would, he would run me down after every meeting, ask how I was, actually showed some like he cared about me, which was beyond me. And that day, 30 days over on my own, I, I just said, I don't have a sponsor. Will you be my sponsor? And he said he would. And that was when the journey started for me.

And what happened was we agreed that I'd meet

at his house once a week and he would take me through the book like his wants are took him through the book. And I was, I was at work. I had to have my dad actually drive me to and from work because I didn't have a license. And while I was at work, I went to a website and it's www.xa-speakers.org and I would listen

to about 8 leads a day

while I work. So I sit behind a computer all day and I draw. So, you know, I was listening and I actually got to hear some hope and those messages and something I couldn't do at a meeting

because I was judging, you know. But when I'm sitting there with headphones on just listening to a message, I didn't know what these people look like. And I just, I listened and I listened and I heard hope, which was something that I didn't have at the time. So we agreed that I'd meet at his house. And through listening all this stuff, I got to hear how other people work the steps, which is pretty cool stuff. So when I showed up at his door, I had my pencil and my paper, and I was ready to start her at four step. Yeah, let's get this ball rolling.

And he had to slow me down. He said, Chad, let's start at the beginning of the book and then we'll work our way up to the 4th step. And, and I, yeah, my ideas never work. So I, I, I just, I close my mouth for one time and just listen to him. It took some direction. So we did. He started reading, and I don't know if you ever read the beginning of the forwards to the additions, but I was ready to fall asleep.

I was like, don't want it? Yeah, I know there's more. Can you read faster? And I was trying to get him to help me, let him read so we can get through that.

But the doctor's opinion, once we got to that, I started to see what what the problem really was. And and it opened my eyes, you know, And the more we read, the more I saw where I was powerless over this alcoholism. Yeah. I just. I never knew before.

On page 21 it says moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely. If they have good reason for it, they can take it or leave it alone.

And that's what I thought I was. Yeah. Because I could remember my past and my history and, and there was a time where I could just drink on a weekend when I first started. Yeah. And that those were the good times. That's that's where I wanted to go back to. And then it it, when I read on, it says then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have to have it badly enough to gradually impair and physically and mentally

it may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, change of environment or warning from a doctor becomes operative,

this may can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome. It may even need medical attention. So I think I crossed into that stage, you know, where I was a hard drinker and I knew if I drank on a job, I'd lose it. So I, I kind of tried to not do that. Yeah. And then the next paragraph says, but what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker. He may or may not become a continuous hard drinker, but at some stage,

drinking career, he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink. And that's where I ended up. You know, I'd always said, well, I'm never going to do this. You know, I'm never going to actually drink and drive. You know, to me, that was having the can of beer in my hand, you know, while driving. So what I would do was, you know, orange juice and vodka. That's not really drinking and driving, is it? Yeah, that's how I drive to work. Yeah. And then lunch break would come around

and we had a, we had a BW threes right next door. So I go there for lunch and, and I drank there. Yeah. And then after that it was get a case for home. And then the next morning I wake up and start the morning in the shower with a beer. You know, most people don't drink beer in the shower. I I figured that out later on. Took me a while, but but I got, I got to see where I was powerless, you know. So that's step one for me. It was an eye opener. I wasn't real excited about it.

But then we went on to Step 2 and it says I came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And it didn't say it was going to restore me to sanity right then and there. Yeah. It said all I had to do was believe. And there's a whole chapter we agnostics and we went through that and it asked me a real important question, you know, do I believe there is God? Is he everything or nothing? You know, what was my choice? My choice was everything. And, and

I, I don't know, I heard somebody else say if he understood God, then he probably wouldn't do him any good, you know, And that's, that's about where I'm at. I know there is a God and I know I don't understand how he works all this stuff out, but he's there, you know, and I and I believe that today. And then we went on to Step 3. It's made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood them. And and that, yeah, most meeting places have that on the wall.

But when I read in this book and when my sponsor was reading this to me, there was just so much more to that step. And there was actually a third step prayer in here. It's on page 63. And this is what I did. It sounds corny, Yeah. But this is what we did. We we held hands and we got down on our knees, me and my sponsor in his house. Yeah. And I read this prayer and it says God are for myself to thee, to build with me, to do with me as thou wilt, relieve me of the bondage itself. And when I first read that, I

thought, wait, I want to be relieved from bondage. Alcohol. Yeah. I thought alcohol was my problem. But then after seeing all this stuff, yeah, I realized that self was my problem. It still is the day. And it says relieve me of the bondage of self. That I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties. That victory over them may bear witness to those I would help with that power. Thy love and thy way of life, may I do thy will always

and I love that take away my difficulties part because I never

I had a prayer program before I got here and it was basically at night when I was trashed. I would get down on my knees and I would say, God, please don't let me wake up tomorrow. And then the next morning I'd wake up and I'd get back down on my knees and I'd say, God, you did it to me again on my lock, you know, and that's where I was at spiritually bankrupt is what they say. And that's that's where I came in. So

when it says take away my difficulties and I did this prayer sincerely and I was meet with the sponsor, I had, I had fear that you wouldn't believe. You know, I, I, I really thought I was going to go to jail because it was my second DUI. I knew for sure my boss was going to fire me and I knew I was going to lose the condo, the car, everything. Yeah. That that's where my fear took me. And I'm listening to another speaker. I'm still listening to things at work. I'm listening to a a

trying to hear some hope. And he's talking about fear. And he's like, you know, there really isn't anything to fear. All, all you have to do is just walk through that fear. So I push pause on that recording that I'm listening to. I walk down to the boss's office. I said, OK, here's the situation. I got another DUI. That's why I've been coming in an hour early, leaving an hour late because I'm getting dropped off. I can't even drive anymore.

And I said I might be going to jail for 10 days.

Yeah. And I'm just pretty sure you're probably gonna fire me. But I just can't live with this beer. And the darkest thing happened, and it seemed to always happen was about 90% of those fears never happened. Yeah, I I thought about them. But what my boss said was he said, yeah. He said, OK, yeah. What are you doing about it? I said I'm. I'm going back to a A, you know, I'm about 30 days over an hour, 40 days. I can't even remember. And he said, I'm glad you're trying to get help.

And he said, we'll deal with you going to jail if and when that comes. He said, but you're good employee and anything I could do to help you, he said if you need a ride to work, I'll pick you up. Yeah. And that was so far from what I thought would happen. But. But that's like one of those difficulties being removed. So then we have court dates. Yeah, I'm going to court

and the police officers aren't showing up and it's the second time now

and I'm just wanting this to be over with. And the police officers didn't show up again. Yeah. So I go back for the third time and the police officers didn't show up the third time. And that's when the judge said we're just going to go ahead and throw this out, that DUI never happened. And I'm like this and I'm talking to people after a A meetings. And they said, Nah, that'll never happen. You know, you'll have to pay reinstatement fees. You'll have to do this this.

So I just trusted in God, yeah. And

I had to pay $20 to get my picture taken and my license back. And that was it. And it didn't show up. And, and how that happened, I don't know. One of those speakers I listened to was out in California. And he does a real good description of the third step and he compares it to a drunk. What he says is there's this drunk and he's crawling kind of like I was. And he looks up and he sees God. And God's got this shiny thing in his hand. And the

what you got in your hand, God. And God says, well, this is sobriety. Yeah, that was something I needed. And a drunk starts thinking, you know, I've been drinking three days. I'm muddy laying in the gut. He said, God, I need some of that sobriety. And God said, OK, He said, how much money you got in your pocket? And the truck's like, huh. He looks down. He's got $50. Yeah. The drunk says I got $50 gone,

and God said for you, son, the price of sobriety is going to be $50.

And the drunk's like, OK, but then he starts thinking, you know how I do? I start thinking, God, can I give you 30? I need 20 for gas

and God says, wait a minute, you have a car, he said. I'm going to go ahead and take your car too. And the drunk's like, I can't give you my car. If I give you my car, home, I got to get to work.

And God says you have a job, I'm going to take your job too. That John's like, whoa. He said, if I give you my job, I'm going to lose my house and my family. God said, you're right, I'll take your house and I'll take your family. And it drunk's like, wait a minute, If I give you all that stuff, I won't have a life. And God said you're right, I'll take your life too, you know, And I had to be right at that point where I was ready. Yeah. And this drunk wasn't. And he said, OK, God, I'm going to give you my life. Here you go. Yeah,

and what happened for me and what happened for this guy was the minute I gave all that stuff to God, God said, OK, Chad, here's your $50.00 back. He said it's not your money, it's my money, I'm going to let you spend it. And then he gave me that car and that license back. And he said that's not your car, it's my car. I'm going to let you drive. You got to give people rides and meetings and and do stuff like that. Oh, OK. And that job, Yeah, it's not your job.

It's my job. I'm going to let you work there. Try to treat those people like I treat you. Yeah. And that was huge for me.

OK, I'll try that. And that family and that home, it's not yours. Yeah, it's mine. But I'm gonna let you take care of them. I'm gonna let you live in it. And then he says that life. I'm gonna give you that back. But it's never your life again. It's my life. But I'm gonna let you live it, you know? And that's what I've been able to do through a a Now I actually get to live a life which I, I never thought was possible. But I love the way this book is 'cause after the third, third step on a bottom page 63, it says next we launched out

vigorous course of action. The first step of which is a personal house cleaning, which may which many of us had never attempted. It is like as soon as I get done with one thing, boom, it's, it's shooting me right into the next step. And that fourth step for me wasn't a big deal, one real hard because I I had all that stuff in my head. It wasn't anything I had to study for.

It was all about me, you know. So when I met with the sponsor, he gave me the directions and they were laid out in this book. And if I had a question, I could ask him.

And I knew exactly who I was resentful at. I carried around that list of names for as long as I could remember, and Dad was number one on my list. Yeah. And the 'cause he deserted me when I was two years old, it affected myself, esteem, my relationship, my pride. Yeah. I wrote all that stuff down and I started with the names first. I wrote down all the names because if I would have started writing across this, W probably still be writing about that.

Yeah. So I wrote down all the names 1st, and then I wrote down the causes. And after that, in the fourth column, what it, what it says is referring to her list again, putting out of the mind, putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done. We resolutely look for our own mistakes. So I had to forget and just put out on my mind the things that these people have done to me. And I had to start looking at me, you know, the things that I did that I'm at fault for.

And what I found out was that, you know, I made him worry about me. I'd call him. And blackouts on the side of the road.

And it, it was pretty bad, you know, weather was bad. And he'd say, yeah, don't, don't, don't go out on the Interstate 'cause you might get killed. And, you know, just just things that I did. And then all the times I would call him to bail me out of jail, all the money that I owed him, you know, all that stuff.

That's what I did, you know, forgetting what he did to me. So I got all that stuff down. Yeah. And I got, I got a list and I went through each person and I did that with them also. And then there was a fears list. So I got a sheet of paper, rope fears on it, wrote down everything I was afraid of. I was afraid of drinking again. I was afraid of being alone for the rest of my life, you know, all that stuff. I just got it down on paper. And then the sex inventory, I got a new sheet of paper.

I'll start writing down a list of all the names. And then I, I started asking myself the questions that are in this book. And I found out that I was selfish, dishonest and considerate. And each one of those relationships, the names didn't matter. You know, I treat them all the same. They all ended badly. So I, I got to see me and it wasn't one something real pretty to look at one anything I want to brag about. But that's who I was.

And

what's cool though, is that there's a couple prayers in there. And it says in this way we try to shape a sane and sound ideal for a future sex life. It says we subjected each relationship to this test. Was it selfish or not? Mine were pretty much all selfish. So then it says we ask God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. Because when I came here, I had no idea, no idea what I wanted in a relationship. I really,

Pamela Anderson was my answer. Yeah. If I just had her, everything would be OK. Well, after asking gone saying that prayer, I found out I just, I want a woman who's honest, loving and caring. That was the answer that came to me. So I wrote that down. And what I figured out was in order for me to get that kind of relationship, that's what I had to be to that person, you know, because I always had everything backwards when I came in here. And the Saint Francis prayer,

if you haven't read that yet,

into 12 and 12. But my problem was I was always trying to get somebody to understand me rather than trying to understand them, you know, And that that hurt my relationships more than anything because they never understood. But today I try to take time to understand somebody else, you know, and that that's what makes my life worth living. Yeah. And the love thing, She never loved me enough, You know, she loved me. She'd never do that. That that's where I was.

But today I found out that, you know, what I got to do is love. If I could love somebody, then it really doesn't matter if they're loving me enough. You know, I always had a scorecard and it, it always came up short on her end. So today I'm just I'm trying to practice this thing best I can. The next thing was a fifth step. What I did was I met with the sponsor. I wasn't real excited about sharing all this stuff with somebody else, but that's that's what the

do. Yeah, he said He did it. He had been. So over 10 years I've been sober. What,

2-3 months? So I figured he knew what he was talking about. So OK, let me read this to him. So I did. I met it. I even rewrote it. I thought he was going to grade it. I didn't know. Yeah, I had no, no idea. And he didn't even look at it. Yeah, he had me read it to him. So that's what I did. I went through and I read all that stuff. And what was cool was he shared some of his stuff with me.

Yeah. And some is that was worse than mine. Yeah, but that's OK. And but it but it was good to just let somebody else know that stuff because I had carried it around with me forever. Yeah. And and I got all that out. And then there was more direction. On the bottom of page 75 it said we thank God from the bottom of the our heart that we know him better.

And, and when I did that step, I actually felt like I knew God better, you know, 'cause all the secrets were gone. And, and I don't know how it works,

but it did. Yeah. And then and then we moved on to the next step. You know, step six was is 1 little paragraph in this book says we have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can he now take them all? Everyone, we still cling to something we will not let go. We ask God to help us be willing. So looking at that step and looking at my life,

I, I was ready, yeah, I was ready for God to remove all those defects of character. And once I told my sponsor I was ready to do that, he said, OK, let's do a seven steps. So once again, back there on my knees. Yeah, page 76 has a seven step prayer and it says, my creator, I'm now willing that you should have all me good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in my way

in in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen. And this this was something that I've never thought of on my own

because

I the God of my misunderstanding, I, I never thought I could go to him bad. But when I read this here, take all of me, good and bad, I, I realized God would take me the way I am. Yeah. Good and bad. So that just opened up my eyes, you know, and and he loves me. Yeah. Just just the way I am. So I don't, I don't spend a lot of time going over what my defects of character are. I just trust that he's got to remove them or he's not. And if he doesn't, maybe they can help somebody. I don't know.

I heard a story. There was an old grumpy guy in the back of the meeting and he cussed all the time, and people were judging him like, I can't. What? What's his problem? Yeah, He. He shouldn't be cussing. He's sober, 2000 years. Yeah. And a newcomer comes in, everybody's trying to hug on him, and he's pushing him away. He's like, I don't want to talk to these Fruit Loops. Yeah, they're trying to hug. And then he goes, sits by an old crusty guy, and they speak the same language. You're cussing at each other. Yeah. Next thing you know, he's sponsoring him and he's OK.

So I don't know what a defective character is. I ain't gonna work on mine. You know, I'm gonna trust that God's doing what he's supposed to do, and I'm gonna do what I'm supposed to do. And after I got done doing that, there was an eighth step. Yeah, there's always another step. So in that eighth step, my sponsor had three by five cards. And we went back to my four step list and I got the right dad down on a card and then I flipped it over and then I wrote I was wrong. Wrong. I don't know if you guys ever said wrong before.

Saw a happy days with Fonzie on it, but Fonzie couldn't say wrong. I used to say I'm sorry a lot. Yeah, the the wrong thing was what got me. But I wrote that down, dad. I was wrong for calling you in blackouts. I was wrong for borrowing the money, not paying you back. And I just listed all that stuff and I did that for each person on my list. And then I wrote, was there anything else I did to harm you? Because

sometimes I couldn't remember the harms that I'd done.

And then after that, I asked, I wrote down, what can I do to make this right? So I showed up at Dad's house. He was the first one on my list. He was actually on the drive home. And the way I knew I was ready to make that amends was I heard this noise. It was me knocking on his door. And then he answered the door and I went in and I said, Dad, I owe you an immense.

And he said OK. And I already had the card memorized. I was doing that on the way over. And I always prayed before

I did any of these amends because I didn't want to screw things up anymore than I already had. But I told him what I was wrong for, and I asked them if there was anything else I did to harm them. And then I got to shut up and listen, you know, he got to tell me. And then I asked him what I could do to make it right. And he said, you're doing it. He said, don't even worry about it. But I pulled out $20, you know, and said, here's payment plan. Yeah, I don't have it all right now, but I want to keep paying you. And he said don't worry about the money. I said

I'm gonna worry about the money. I'm worried about drinking again. I gotta pay you back, you know? So he did. He accepted the money and then I continued to pay him and he's all paid off now. Woohoo. So then after that night step that there's a tent step and

that step for me is pretty much like steps 4 through 9 all wrapped up in a boat. You know, if I on page 84, it says this is not an overnight matter. It should continue for a lifetime to continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear.

Yeah. So these are things that are still going to come up. I'm still going to be selfish, still going to be resentful. I'm still going to have fear. But it tells me what to do when these crop up. We ask God it wants to remove them. So that's a little prayer. I say, God, remove this fear. And then it says we discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. So it's good to have a sponsor I can talk to. It's good to have friends in a A and family, you know, I can talk to people about things that are going on.

And then it says then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help love and tolerance of others as our code. And they read the nice step promises here.

But the 10th step promise for me when I first had this happen, I was just amazed what it says is and we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol for by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor if tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally we will find that this has happened automatically. And I don't know why they said automatically because I had to do the first nine steps to get that. But when it did happen,

automatic, you know, I woke up one day and I wasn't fighting alcohol anymore. That obsession to drink was gone from me. Yeah, just blew me away. And. And it hasn't returned. Yeah. I don't know how that happens.

It says we will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us with any thought or effort on our part. It just comes. That is the miracle of it. You know, for me, that was a miracle

because every day before, when I would try to stop drinking on my own, I had to consciously think about it and say, Chad, you're not going to drink today. And I would always end up making the wrong choice. Yeah, That's just how I was before. But now today, when I woke up, I say a prayer. I go to work. Yeah. I don't think about not drinking throughout the day. I can stop at Speedway, and they got alcohol in there, and I'm not tempted. Yeah. Which

just something that I've never experienced before.

And then step 11 suggest prayer, meditation. Everybody has has their own thing that they do there. So I won't bore anybody with what I do. And then the 7th step is.

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to Alcoholics and to practice these principles and all of our affairs. And when I was going through these steps, I thought, OK, once I do the 1st 11, that'll be like the icing on a cake. I might go help another drunk. That's where I was at. Yeah. They wrote a whole chapter on how important it was for me to help another alcoholic,

and until I did it, I didn't know. And that was like all the rest of the steps. I thought I knew.

But after doing it, you know, I figured out that sponsorship that is, that's the cake. It's the cake. The icing is the whole deal for me because I get to help somebody else.

And what's cool is they help me just as much as I help them. I got one here tonight. Yeah, I got to give him a two year token, which just blew me away. I didn't think I'd get a two year token and now I'm giving one out. Yeah, just amazing. And we, we did the same deal. You know, it wasn't. I didn't have to reinvent a wheel. I didn't have to

think of anything on my own to help somebody else. All I needed was this book. Yeah. And I would meet at his house. And it was pretty, pretty corny. Yeah. We both got down on our knees, held in. Yeah. He said the third step for air. I said the third step prayer. I'm walking out the door. And he says it's pretty good. Yeah. And. And I said you're right. This is pretty good. And I knew he's going to be OK after that. I don't know how, but he. He was. Yeah. And I, and more importantly, I knew

be OK, You know, pretty awesome. I've heard fifth steps before. I get to share all my stuff with them. They're probably thinking something much that was worse than theirs. Yeah, that's cool.

But yeah, to to see grown men cry, Yeah. And just that I was never going to tell anybody that, you know, they share with me and and I don't tell anybody, which is something just that's amazing.

So step 12 for me is real

important. All the steps really they, they saved my life. What it's like today, we got like 4 minutes.

I still have that same job, you know, make more money than I ever thought I would. Boss actually pulled me down a while back. I used to get pulled into the office for other reasons. This time he pulled me in his office and he said how about a 10% raise? Yeah, I said OK, yeah, I'll take that.

What? I listen to other speakers outside a, you know, motivational speakers and one of them said you help enough people get what they want and you'll get what you want. Yes, I try to do that at work today. You know, I try to not wait for him to give me a raise and then do more work. I try to do more work and then maybe those things will come and that and that's what happened. I had to make an amends to an ex-wife. She was on my list after four years of being separated. Last night I got to see her.

You know, she had a child by somebody else.

His kids. Just awesome. Yeah. He's, he's four years old. And there was something that I read online and it, it was a definition of a mother. And I knew my mother had to feel this way. And it says

what a mother is. It's like having your heart walk,

walk outside of your body, you know? And my mom always said that we were the most important thing to her. And without us, you didn't know what she'd do, you know, and took care of that much to love that much about somebody else. Yeah. I didn't think it was possible for me. But when I see that little kid walk around,