Step 4 at the Stateline Retreat in Primm, NV

Step 4 at the Stateline Retreat in Primm, NV

▶️ Play 🗣️ Ralph W. Ron W. ⏱️ 1h 19m 💬 Step 4 📅 13 Dec 2024
Good morning. My name is Ronald White and I'm an alcoholic.
I want to first of all thank this group for allowing me and my brother the privilege, the honor of being able to share the message of Alcoholics Anonymous with you. It's always an honor to come anywhere, to be asked to come anywhere, to share about the program that has literally saved my life. Above all, I want to thank God for allowing me to be here. And I am really glad that Alcoholics Anonymous isn't about a program of can you top this?
You know, because I can truly be awed by the the presentation of those who come before me. And then my brother's going to come after me. And the many of you have heard him speak, know how gifted a speaker he is.
And sometimes in my head, I can wonder if I can measure up, and I can sometimes wonder if I'm good enough. And that's what this Step 4 is all about, really. Because Step 4 is talking about examining the things in me which have been blocking me. And my sobriety date is July the 14th of 1986.
It's very difficult for me, the book that I'm holding in front of me. I looked in it, as I was about to say before and my brother and I had the opportunity to start a a big book workshop.
And, and it's amazing to me to know how God works in my life because I remember how I was sitting out in an audience listening to some people share this book with me and making it come alive for me. And so I need to let you know that it's almost impossible to me for me to talk about Step 4, the personal inventory, without me referring to steps 1-2 and three, because they all go along with one another
where I cannot look at any anyone of them actually individually, because they all, in my mind at least, have worked together. And until I was firmly grounded in step one, until I really realized the hopelessness of my condition, I had the ISM of alcoholism. I understand that. I had the thinking, the feelings I've associated with that. I became a prisoner of my thinking. I was,
I know it. Looking at me today, you might wonder how could you ever feel less than? As I grew up, I felt so ugly, so small,
so short, so dark. So, you know, I could name these things about myself that I felt about myself. The things inside of me that blocked me, that I never thought that I would be able to feel comfortable in my skin. But I couldn't drink because I don't want to be like my dad. And so I found other things to escape with. I found books, I found television. I found all these other things that helped me get out of myself, that helped me become somebody else.
I became the characters in these books I read. I became these other people that I saw on television. One of one of my early idols was Perry Mason, you know, because I love that, the way he looked and acted on. And that made me want to be what I've become as my profession today, a lawyer,
because of the escape that I got from that. But I need to let you know that somewhere in there, that wasn't enough. So I started drinking. And when I started drinking, I was no longer having to live in a novel or in television. I was able to live out here in alcohol. Free me. Alcohol gave me a sense of freedom
that as indescribable to anybody who might not be an alcoholic. I'm sure those of you who sit in this room know of what it felt like in the early days of drinking when it was working, when it made me feel taller and witty and all of those things that I always wanted to be able to feel comfortable in my skin. But alcohol also that like in bill sore it, it has the the effect of the boomerang because I'm I'm not able to just stop
when it was feeling comfortable
because my disease is progressive. And after a while it ceased being a luxury and it became a necessity because I did I didn't just want to feel good on the weekends. I need to feel good on Monday and Tuesday. It's daily drinking starts to do some things to you and my character started to change. I just need to let you know I'm qualifying myself as an alcoholic because you need to know that if I had not done that, if I had not been able to look back over the evidence of my life and see where alcohol had taken me, I would not have been ground
enough in step one to know that I needed Step 2. Because Step 2, the step one, is the problem and Step 2 is the solution. I understand that. And I understand that in order for me to get from the problem to the solution, I need to do Step 3, the step Peggy was talking about this morning. Because step three is the bridge from step one to Step 2. Making that decision to turn my will in my life, my thoughts, and my actions over to the care of this power. But I'm here to tell you that even while I was looking at those pages that talked about
this is self centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles, I still didn't know the depths of what I was getting into. I didn't understand just the nature of my illness really until I got to Step 4. The book says this after we did step three on page 63 of the book
62 it says next, next. We launched out on a course of vigorous action,
the first step of which is a personal house cleaning which many of us had never attempted though our decision. Step three. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us.
Our liquor was but a symptom. We had to get down to causes
and conditions.
And I understand that once I finish doing that, I got off my knees from doing that third step. And I remember we did it as a group and we held hands and I felt that sense of power and all that other kind of stuff, right? And it said my face kind of fell when I read the next paragraph, what it says. This decision could have little permanent effect
unless at once followed by strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things. Not the things in you
that have been blocking me, but the things and ourselves which have been blocking us.
And that puzzled me because I had never thought that there had been anything necessarily in me. I thought it was my daddy. I thought it was all those people who used to call me Poindexter and Mr. Peabody. I thought it was those guys who used to call me Hook Head and my father who called me Headquarters. Real things that I felt that I didn't even really realize until I took a personal inventory. This was Step 4.
A business which takes no regular inventory
usually goes broke. In the book it says that we did exact. Just like you do with a business inventory where you go through the store and you go on the shelves and you look to see what kind of stuff is not selling, so you got to get rid of it. Or you see what kind of stuff has gone bad and you get rid of it. That's what I have to do with my life, with my thinking, because there has been evidence of things in my behavior and the way that I think and the way that I act. That is always been
broke and I didn't know that there's something, there's something about my thinking about my behavior that I need to examine, that I need to see. And it goes much deeper than that. I'm talking about. Those are small petty things. But believe you, there are things in me that block me from the power. Because when when the book talks about searching out the flaws in my makeup that have caused my failure, that's what it talks about in the book. It says
resentment is the number one offender.
It destroys more Alcoholics than anything else. You would imagine that if I would open up a book called Alcoholics Anonymous, a book that I know has been dedicated to saving the lives of Alcoholics. And I look in the book and they have one line in there that says
resentment destroys more Alcoholics than anything else. You would imagine that I would spend the majority of my time trying to root out these resentments
because you would imagine that it says from it stem all forms of spiritual disease. For we have been not only mentally and physically I'll, we have been spiritually sick.
When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. Step 4. Resentment inventory isn't the only inventory I need to. There are three inventories in Step 4. There's a resentment inventory, there's a fear inventory, and there's a sex inventory. Resentment inventory is the main one because it's like peeling back the onion skin. Because once I peel back those resentments,
underlying those resentments oftentimes is fear, because I am driven by fear. And I don't see that before I write about the resentments. So I need to write about resentments in the resentment inventory. It's the first time in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that writing is required. It's the first time in the book that it talks about setting something on paper. And Step 4 is the first step where we start doing the writing.
It says that
we listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry and we ask ourselves why we were angry. Column one and there has, you know, they have that famous little chart on in the book or we talked about I'm resentful at Mr. Brown. Mr. Brown was a mess. His attention to my wife told my wife of my mistress Brown may forget my job at the office. You see, what happens for me is this. First of all, I need to know what a resentment is.
A resentment is a refilling of a perceived ill. I'll feeling wrongdoing, something that I think or feel that you have done to me to wrong me. And I like the way that the book says a perceived wrong or harm that somebody did. Did I understand that it's the way that I perceive things that screwed up the way that I look at life,
the way that I've always
thought things were. So you don't even have to hurt me for me to have a resentment. If I perceive that you have harmed me, you can walk in the room. And if I'm here to tell you that I'm looking around and if anybody gets up to use the bathroom
while I'm up here speaking, I got a resentment look at this walking out the room while because I'm thinking everybody looking at you walking out and they're perceiving that you must think that I'm dull. And therefore it's going to, oh, I'm the only one that thinks like that.
Oh, OK, all right. OK.
It's what makes me be afraid to get up and go to the bathroom because I think you gonna think that I'm thinking
right? And I know laughter is identification because y'all you,
but I'm here to tell you that that is that is the way that I think. So resentment is a perceived ill feeling of perceived wrong that I think that you did to me. And I replay it in my head and I hold on to it. And it says from it stems all forms of spiritual disease. Because you see, not only does it stay with you, but it gets attached to other people. Because now if I'm mad at Michael down here, if somebody's friends with Michael, I'm mad at them.
And then if they have somebody else that's attached to them, they,
if I perceive that you do something wrong to Ralph, that you harm him, he's my brother, so you've done something wrong to me. And then so it it spreads to every area and every nook and cranny of my life,
and it imprisons me and it makes me not be able to feel the presence of God.
It blocks me from the sunlight of the Spirit.
And if you be alcoholic like me,
there may come a time when there's no mental defense,
and that defense must come from a power greater than me. And if I'm blocked from the power, I'm drunk. So I start writing this inventory and I start writing these things as I'm new and I I start beginning to share. A lot of people have heard my story. Some of you have not heard my story. I grew up poor. I grew up whatever. But I ended up being somewhat successful because I didn't drink early on in those books that I read and all those things that I did
help me be a successful student. I start drinking the summer before I started college because I no longer wanted to just be this straight A student. I wanted to. I saw this guy and this girl underneath this blanket at a beach party and I wanted to get underneath a blanket because the blanket was moving
and and I could hear that girls,
I'm sorry. I got, I got,
I got lost for a second there
and somebody was passing around something, some, either some Tyrolia or some Spinata,
right High class stuff. And so I drank and like I told you, alcohol freed me.
And so I went on this path with this magic potion and I came through college and even though alcohol started doing some things to me, I could not even imagine that it was the problem. Because remember, that's the thing that freed me. And so I became a justifier of my drinking. Even when it, my grades started slipping and my character started changing and my spirit became real, I'll I still wanted to be the person
who could still fit in. And so I still just, you know, I used to say stuff like, well, nobody want to be a bookworm anyway. I want to be a student of life
had all the you know the catch phrase is down to justify my behavior and my drinking.
And I got accepted to go to law school pursuing Perry Mason.
And I went to law school at a place called Hastings College of the law Place located in San Francisco. And I got out of law school in 2 1/2 years. I went to summer school after first year and 2nd year and I graduated from law school early at age 23.
And being the quick alcoholic that I am, even though my disease was still progressing, I took the bar exam and I passed it the first time. And at age 24, I became one of the youngest black attorneys licensed to practice law in the state of California.
And I knew I had I had arrived. And I knew by the time I was 30, I was going to be a millionaire. And by the time I was 30, I was sleeping back at home with my mother sleeping on her floor
because I'm an alcoholic. The only job I had was carrying out the trash and water in the lawn for a 21 year old dope dealer who lived across the street from my mother. Because I'm an alcoholic
and so I need to discover the things in me which have been blocking me. Because alcohol doesn't care if you're black or if you're white. It doesn't care if you're a man or if you're a woman. Alcohol is an equal opportunity ass kicker
because something happens to me when I drink. And the unfortunate thing is, even though I know those things are going to happen, like Steve shared last night, one of the components of being an alcoholic is I'm unable to stop from having the first one. There is an obsession, a thought that overrules all other rational thoughts, that tells me, whispers to me, that this time it'll be different,
and unless I can discover what's inside of me, that makes me unable to stop from hearing that voice. What is it that I need? A power that will stand in between me and that voice when it comes? So I write the inventory because I understand that this is a life or death errand
that I'm undertaking.
I'm going to read something to you that I wrote. This is a resentment I had against my son because I want you to understand exactly something about my thinking. And I wrote that I had a resentment against my son. This is Ronnie. Ronnie was somebody who was born my son was born in 1991 after I've been sober for five years, little bit on just before my 5th birthday in February of 1991. And I, I, I thought
maybe my stuff was broke and stuff, you know, when I got here because I drank so much. And so I was just so overjoyed to have a child,
and I was so proud of that. I have a stepdaughter. I'll choose my daughter. You know, me and her mother have been together since she was sick, except Ronnie was the first one that was born of me. And so I'm so proud of him and he growing up, and I'm expecting him to be this success. You know how we put all our hopes and our dreams and our children and we do all this. And I'm here to tell you that if you look at my resentment list, my resentment list usually consists of the people I love.
The people I have the most resentments are are the people I have the most expectations of,
the people that I've somehow have put all of these things on. I had a resentment against my son Ronnie. This was like a couple of years ago. I wrote this. I wrote that Ronnie's grades aren't good enough,
and in the big book, The way they have it outlined, it talks about that once I say what that person did to me, I need to ask myself, third column, what areas of myself were hurt, threatened or interfered with. Because there is usually something about myself going back to Step 3, something about myself that I feel that you have harmed in some way that makes me resent you.
And I either look at myself esteem whether or not it is affected her threaten or affected the way that I feel about myself.
Has it affected her threatener or interfere with my pride secondary of myself it has it hurt, threaten or interfere with the way I think you think about me? Has it hurt, threaten or interfere with my pocketbook? Has it hurt, threaten or interfered with my ambition or my security or my personal relationships or my sex relationships? 7 areas of myself. And these are drawn directly from the big book when we're when we're looking at these paragraphs on page 60.
Page 65 and I look at these areas. So I asked myself, with Ronnie's grades not being good enough, did it hurt, threaten or interfere with myself esteem? I said to myself if I were a better parent, his grades would be better, there must be something wrong with me. I said to myself that my pride was hurt, threaten or interfere with because the teachers and the other students must think I'm a bad example and I'm a poor parent, otherwise Ronnie's grades would be better.
It hurt, threaten or interfere with my ambition because I wanted to have a successful child. I wanted to have a smart kid.
It hurt, threaten or interfere with my security because I needed to feel that Ronnie could survive out in the world.
It hurt, threaten, or interfere with my personal relationships with him because I could not be affectionate with him because of my disappointment with him.
It hurt, threaten or interfere with my sexual relationship because I there would be discord in my household between me and my wife over how Ronnie should be disciplined or, or what was the problem or anything with that. So Ronnie's grades affected my relationship with my wife. It hurt, threatened or interfered with my pocketbook because I would spend money on tutors, on
videos, on all kind of tutorial aids with Ronnie.
So Ronnie's grades not being good enough affected all seven areas of myself. I felt hurt, threatened or interfere with my son not bringing home aids from school.
And the book talks about and this goes back on page 65, it says we went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty,
and I need to stop there and emphasize
the honesty part
because I work with a lot of people and even with myself. I understand that when I sit down and write these things about the way that I think, I don't feel very proud of myself in the way that I think and the way that I feel about either my loved ones or others around me. I feel real chicken about a lot of this stuff I feel very petty about and sometimes I don't even want to put it down on paper because of the way it makes me feel.
The self revealing accounts of myself.
But nothing counts but thoroughness and honesty. Because that's what what I've been doing all my life. I've always been running away from the truth about myself because I'm I'm so concerned not only with what you think about me, but what I think about myself. And so I've spent all this time lying to myself about who I am.
And so I had to write these things out on the top of my page. Usually when I'm writing inventory, I usually have to write these 3 short prayers that I put at the top because I'm I'm kind of scared
when I write these things occasionally and I write down God please, please God let me see the truth. Please God, let me see what I need to see,
and please God let me see the things that are blocking me from you.
And after I write these prayers, then I start writing. I just keep writing and I write whatever comes on the page
and I don't try to edit it and I don't try to change it. And if there's anybody in here who was afraid about spelling or whatever, the inventory process is not something I'm going to hand over to somebody to read, I'm going to read it to them. So it doesn't matter about spelling, it doesn't matter about all this other kind of stuff, because I get caught up in the mechanics. And I wanted to look perfect and I wanted to. And I've had many people I sponsor who that stops them from writing because they think that it has to look a particular just put it down on the paper.
It says that when we were finished, we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome is that people continue to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse
and then we were sore at ourselves,
but the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worst matters. God, as in war, the victor only seemed to win.
Our moments of triumph were short lived
sometimes when we read that part of the book, you know, we, we want. Well, what do they mean? As in war, the victor only seemed to win. What exactly does that mean? You know, and I, I've, I've had the opportunity to share back and forth with people and there been some people who've been in wars. I've never had the, the by God's grace, I've never had to be in a war myself. I've never had to level a gun at somebody and try to shoot to kill somebody. And I've never, but I've had men share with me
that feeling
and about carrying that feeling back, of having taken someone's life even in what was a just cause or whatever.
And there's nothing good about the feeling of trying to take out anger and aggression on somebody, even when you get your way. Supposedly I become a different person for me to even have to do that. And it takes a toll on me in life for me to have to fight with people. And so I needed to have a different way of living,
he said. Is it is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness? To the precise extent extent that we permit these,
do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile? But what the alcoholic whose hope and maintenance is the growth of a spiritual experience? This business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal, for when harboring such feelings, we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit, The insanity of alcohol returns, and we drink again.
And with us, to drink
is to die.
When I'm feeling those feelings about my son, when I'm so pissed off at him for what his grades are, when he comes home and he says daddy and I don't feel affectionate with him. When I feel like I don't want to hug you. Because then you'll think that I think that it's all right for you to bring home bees or CS or DS.
And so I don't love my son
because of my expectations of him, because of the way it makes me feel about myself.
I don't feel proud of that.
I don't like that about myself,
but it's the truth of the way that I think and the way that I feel.
So I had to go to the 4th column.
I had to ask myself where had I been selfish, where had I been dishonest, where had I been self seeking and where had I been afraid?
I was selfish because I had no regard for Ronnie's feelings or his capabilities. I was only concerned with how his grades reflected on me as a person and as a father.
I was dishonest because I wasn't concerned with what he learned, only with what his grades were.
I was dishonest because I would promise to help him and I wouldn't take the time to go over his work with him or to check his work. I was self seeking because I berated him when he didn't meet my expectations.
I was self seeking because I withheld my love from him as a punishment.
I was afraid of being seen as a weak role model.
I was afraid that people would know that I didn't know how to be a good parent. I was afraid that his teachers would disrespect me. I was afraid that people would discover that I'm not as smart as I portray. I was afraid that he wouldn't succeed in life. I was afraid that he would be taken advantage of. I was afraid that he would not be accepted by his classmates,
and so I had to look at the dark areas of my thinking
and see exactly why I felt this resentment against my own son.
Now, it's not a bad thing as a parent to want my child to have good grades. In fact, that's probably a commendable thing. But having a resentment against him
is a whole nother thing. Now. Step three is just the decision, carrying out the decision, step four, and Step 5 and step 6 and step seven. Step three could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of the things in me which had been blocking me.
I've just read to you one of the things that have been blocking me and there are a litany of things that I've written about my wife,
about my son, about my daughter, about my brother. I've grown up with this dichotomy of both loving and respecting my brother Ralph and resenting him because he set a high bar. And so at the same time that I, I say that I love and I respect, at the same time I'm resenting and I'm think, I know I'm the only one that thinks that like that, right?
I'm the only one that even while you're proud of your friends success or your, you know, somebody else, you sometimes somewhere in my thinking, there's resentment.
There's resentment because I want the spotlight. There's resentment because I want the I want the accolades. There's a that's ego because for some reason I think in my head that there's not enough to share to go around
that I have to have it all. Because if you give it there, you're not giving it here. And so I need to write and I need to be freed of that because as long as I feel and think this way,
believe you, I don't feel very spiritual or God like when I'm harboring resentments and
and I'm unable to see the truth of my condition. When I'm doing that,
I feel better.
I, I think I've almost talked about an hour. I think it's about time for my brother to come up.
It is playing to the life that includes deep relentment, leads only the futility and unhappiness. Is that playing to me? You know, one of the things I liked about the big book Alcoholics Anonymous is it's a road map. And that is deal that it is that we do. This is a design for living that really works. So I'm going to talk about just like Ronnie just got through doing. I'm going to talk about in a real way what this step means
to a guy like me
in that our 4th step. Think about the 4th step is what I like about this power is your work with my defects 'cause I'm I'm blocked. When I go into the 4th step, I'm still fully ego full of fear.
And if you, you know, for me to do that fourth step,
being convinced that my life run on my will can hardly be a success. If your life run on your will is successful, don't even bother with a four step. Just watch the rest of us sitting here and audit this for a minute and go on about your merry way. But if you were train wreck waiting to happen like my life is, you might want to take pen to paper, you know, but that so I don't wrestle with people when they talk about, Oh, I don't want if my life run on my will could hardly be a success. And that's what I stand on in the fourth step, standing on that standing on that idea and on that notion. And I want to
better than I am. I want to be different than I am. I want to have different than I have. I want to stop running in the same roadblocks in my life. I want to stop having failed relationships. I want to stop having failed dreams and goals and hopes. I want to stop beating doing the same thing, you know, being with the same person with different faces. I just want to have a new experience, you know, I want to do something different with my life. I came up in here 33 years old and I thought life was over for a guy like me. I had some successes and I had done
and guys like me don't get second chances. You know, I blew my, you know, come from a real poor environment. Ronnie already shared some of that. We had a father who raised who didn't raise has six sons. You know, he was a drunk. He got put out when I was eight or nine years old. Had a mom that raised these six boys by herself, you know, for a time, you know, we were her pride and joy. You know, they wrote articles about us. We were the first three kids off our block to go to college. Everybody on our block knew us.
Seemed like it wasn't too many years later that everybody on our blog knew us again because they had a petition to my mom from the neighborhood watch. You got to do something with them. You. You
because some years later, degreed and back and grown, all six of us ended up back in my mother's house and we down there killed her.
And I made it in the rooms. Alcoholics Anonymous in a badly mangled condition.
I was in a bad way.
An idea what it is that we do under the lash. Alcoholism. One thing I brought to the table was willingness, and I did that first step. I made that surrender, you know, under the last
saw that it was no hope for me. I couldn't do it for myself. You couldn't do it for me and made promises and made commitments if I had already known it was a power bigger than me. Talking about that second step and that power was alcohol. I needed a power bigger than it. And I took that step through out of desperation because you guys said we have a power bigger than it.
And I didn't know whether or not it will work. But if you in that bad way that I was in, I'm willing to try that on a foundation and complete willingness. Do I now believe I was willing to believe in the possible existence of a power? And I did that. And then I got on my knees with a whole bunch of people and I said that Thursday of prayer and I felt something come in me and I made that decision. And that decision had to have some action behind it to actuate the decision. I could decide right now,
oh, Bob, here's some money. Why don't you go out while get everybody in here some Donuts. But until I give him the money, take some action, it's just a decision.
I have to do some action the following. And it's the action of the rest of the steps following step three that'll turn over my will in my life. The process of turn over my will in my life. Don't worry about it. Well, how am I going to turn it or why do I keep taking it back? Right? Ronnie said that that decision I make and have little permanent effect unless it wants followed by strenuous effort to face and be rid of. And that's what it is we do. And at the front end of that process, guess what? You know, I thought the right name inventory would be writing down all the stuff I knew about myself.
That's not the purpose and that's autobiography and they cool. I used to really frown on that. I don't think it's any bad that can come right. I don't think it's any bad that can come and shine in the light. I don't think it's any bad way to look at yourself. I don't think if you come from the places that we come from doing the things that we did. I don't think God does not make too hard at terms with those who seeking the most freedom sentence in the big book. To me,
he don't make 2 harder turns with those who seeking. I'm not one of these people. That's where to a ritual or read where to the process per SE. I know that there is a power that that process gets me in touch with and that's what I'm really after. Bob calls it the juice. I'm really after the power so I don't trip off the the the ritual sometime if I get too stuck in Oh, my way of doing this deal is better than I think that it's me to. If I if I do the ritual better, I recover better.
That's human power. They don't go out that no, you know, it's a way to get in touch with the power and I'm after the power, you know, so I'm not a step technician. So do it how you do it. What we share is a way that I've done it, you know, And so when I go into this inventory process, man, I look at it like
a treasure hunt. A treasure hunt. And I'm gonna discover some stuff. And guess what? I'm going to get to talk about and discover and look at my favorite subject me
while I'm still selfish and self-centered. Guess what? I get to look at that. And so now it talks about a business that does not take a regular inventory or soon go broke. So when a business takes a regular inventory, fact finding fact based in process, what a business does is they go and they look and I'm running a big electronics. So I got Best Buy. And so I'm wondering we ain't making no money in my particular Best Buy. What's going on with that? And I got some people to come in and I say Sharon around and you guys go go look on the shelves and see what? Well, I got a big store,
you know, but I got beta maxes on the shelf and I got all 8 tracks up in there. And you know, I got stuff that ain't sold in a long time and they not going to sell anymore. Now some of them and I might have some new stuff and it might be broke. Somebody might have came and dropped it on, put it back on the shelf. But I'm having some stuff that's in pristine condition. You know, I got
all real, real up and they never been. And guess what, Ralph? I don't care how new IT looks, it ain't working. It ain't selling. They ain't buying,
Ronnie. Well, what does that have to do with my thinking? You know, some of the stuff, you know, but it's mine. It's on my shelf. Yeah, some of the stuff. At one time work 8 tracks were in. You know, Powden was in when you were six. You 55, you 55,
they're not buying.
That kind of stuff was in then you know, they're not buying. You know,
my thinking that bullying and Mad Dog and OK, yeah, you might think it's working and your wife is looking at you like and yeah, well, what you know, I think it's working right. You know, and so so I have to look at the and so get rid of it. The book talks about I can't lie to myself about values. You know, you look in your closet. You know those old 30 inch, you're not going to be a 30 no more. Get rid of
platforms. They're not coming back.
Get rid of
plaids, pants and the you know, Fred Astaire, get the Nehru, they're not coming back. Get rid of them. Clean out the closet. But it's mine and I never, I won't have that. If somebody told you we in the Christmas season, if somebody told you check this out, your daddy's got a big truck and it's full of stuff. It's full of new stuff. It's full of MP threes and I, it's full of stuff and he's going to back it up and he's going to give it to you.
But you got to have room for it.
When you rush to get rid of all that old stuff, when you rush to get rid of it, well, that's just what's in store. But God is polite and God likes surprises like I do. And God does not just back it up and show it, you know? So I got to step from the bridge to shore and the only way that I know a truck is coming is because enough of you guys talk about the changes that have been made in your life. You know, 'cause I can't see it. I was listening to Peggy talk about the dog and here's how I'm
you know, she was talking about a dog sees me at the master is God. Well, I'm looking at Yeah, but the dog get treats and stuff, you know, God don't work the way that you know
I'm already seeing the problem is with God. God is not you know, God is not giving me a tree right then God is not pat me on there and I don't but I I forget the problem is with me. I'm not the dog. I'm not the dog because check this out. I got a dog and I got a daughter. I spend more time with my daughter and the dog ain't tripping. See, my head tells me is all about the the dog ain't tripping.
See, my daddy got some other kids too and I'm tripping. He ain't just spending time with me. The dog ain't tripping. When I get to the dog, the dog is OK, you know. And then the dog does this sometime and I'm busy doing well and I don't pay no attention to the dog. Dog ain't tripping. Dog still just okay whenever, you know
dog ain't tripping.
Sat up here and immediately went the wrong way when Peggy said that. But yeah, the dog that treats up like I don't get treats
all the time when it's time, could the dog be sitting up here and want me to throw him some stuff out? You know, gave the dog a bone. Just fell out from a lamb chop dog don't need that
got the choking. You know, Lisa, call me. What am I going to do? You know, so don't get a dog. It don't matter that the dogs think he want a lamb chop bone. I know not to give him one.
Somebody in here want a lamb chop bong and wondering why God didn't give it. Well, you know. So the dog and the dog and the dog still ain't tripping.
Dog wants some stuff that's gonna give him worms. I know better than to give that to the dog. Dog, don't get mad because I didn't. Dog just still OK Whenever you give me whatever you give me,
I'd like thank you, Peggy. Thank you for that one. You know, so when I get into this whole enterprise. But here's the deal about resentments. And then we I'm going to talk about another inventory too, that I really don't think of. Here's the thing about resentments. I think resentments work for me.
I think resentments work for me. Now, when I get up here in a workshop and I listen to people share and people read from the book and they say in the plane that a life that includes deep resentment is leads only to fertility. Most people start now. That ain't clear to me.
That is not at all clear to me, You know, because sometimes I believe that they work. And here therein lies the rug. When I do resentment inventory, there are a couple of things that are going to happen. The purpose of this process, one of the sole purposes of this process is to deflate my ego. Why does that need to be deflated? Because my ego has a job and my ego's job is separate me from you and me from God. That's his job. Tell me I'm different. Tell me I'm better. Tell me I'm less. That's my ego's job, separate
purpose of the process that we do, this 12 step process, this divining order thing that we do that gets me in touch with this power that lets me know I'm OK just as I am. The purpose of that is the unity, you know, a union with it and a union with you, you know, And so the purpose is to deflate the ego.
So in this process, here's the deal. My ego want to live. My ego wants to live. It fights to live. It resists examination. It resists shining the light. Two things happen in that process. Inventory guarantee you if you're new and you haven't done one, first thing that's going to happen, ego is going to show up is pride. You know, it's it's going to show up as fear. Damn, I can't look.
I can't look at all the things I've done. Sometimes it makes me feel embarrassed that I have my grandmother on my inventory. My grandmother loved me.
My grandmother nursed me. My grandmother helped who? She moved in with us and she helped raises and I had her on my inventory. And I was embarrassed that I was ashamed about it because my grandmother was from the South and my grandmother was uneducated and my grandmother dip snuff and my grandmother was overweight and my grandmother was somebody I was ashamed to let my friend see, 'cause I'm that petty. Yes, I saw the light on myself. Yeah, your ass. Is that Patty? I am the lady who loved. Oh, you can't feel that way. Yes, you can. That's who you are.
That's who you are. I can't look when my wife was pregnant with my daughter right now, I was 41 or 42 years old.
And, and I, I wrote about my daughter when she was in her belly because I resented her. I'm too old to be knowing this. I resented my wife at that time and I resented her. And I wrote about both of them. You know,
it's going to take up my time, you know, and I'm not do you know, I'm, I'm through, I got a 25 year old daughter, you know, we were, I'm through with this whole thing right here. I wasn't ready to start over again. You know, forget the fact that right now, these many years later, you know, I cannot imagine my little girl being in the world, not being in the world. But at the time I wrote about it,
fear. So fear stopped me. I can't look at who I am. Yes, I can, because whether I look or not is still there. Whether I look at that is still there. Go to the store, buy some more groceries. Put everything in the refrigerator. You buy a bunch of tomatoes, put them all in the refrigerator. You could buy six tomatoes. One of them is rotten. You don't take a look. What's going to happen? All of them,
all of them, doesn't matter. I got to take a look at the one. So I take a look,
so fear shows up. Don't trip off that. Fear shows up because my ain't gonna wants to live. And then fear is accompanied by his twin pride. You can't look and then pride says, plus you don't have to.
You've been going along three years, ain't nothing happened. They making a little bit too much of this. You haven't taken a dream. You don't have to look, you know, And when it talks about resentments have the power to kill, it does not necessarily mean I have to start drinking again.
Breaks out in all forms of spiritual disease. Has the power to spiritually kill me.
Has the power, you know, it's folk up in here, you know, here's here's what resentments can do.
Got a sponsor,
been calling me scared to death. I've been having these pains, I've been doubled over. Had an accident on while driving, almost blacked out and going through a whole thing. Finally went to the doctor. Doctor Santoni
is stress,
just stress, worrying about other folk,
talking about other folk, taking other folk home with me. You know, it's just that kind of thing. It'll manifest in physical disease. It'll manifest in all forms of spiritual disease. You know, Ronnie talked about, as in war, the victor only seemed to win. Because here's the deal with these resentments. That's number one. And #2 I got ego that's going to tell me I can't look, and then that I don't have to look. And then there's something else.
When I do resentment inventory, it's important when I do inventory
that I know what it is I'm after,
that I know what it is I'm after.
Do I want to be right or do I want to be free?
Don't want to be right. I don't want to be free because I have run INS with folk. I have resentment, I nerves, I have resentments that I've carried. And then it's nothing like self-righteous anger. Isn't it just something good about nursing a nice one every now and then when you know you called them wrong and you know they shouldn't have done that. I just need to nurse this one a little while. I need to fan it a little while, you know, I need to this one's,
and I don't care what nobody say. Yeah, it might be slightly injured, but you're wrong. And I'll be damned if I say and every now and then in this right, every now and then somebody just have to be checked sometime, right? And I'm just the person for the job.
I'm just the person to do it,
you know, don't you? You can't let somebody say something to you and let them get away with it. Won't they keep doing it?
Won't they keep doing it? You know how many people in relationships, married or any relationship, you know, every now and then I will do something like I don't even have to be mad. I just know that this is the situation that should anger me and I just have to act like I am just so you won't get carried away and keep doing this.
Oh, I'm glad I'm not the only one resentment. I think they work for me. Sometimes I think they work for me. But let's even look at that. What if they do? Is that what I want to consider working? There are some people who should be who shall remain nameless, probably sitting in here right now. Anybody ever win in a relationship that has has this aspect to it? I can't wait to catch you doing wrong so I can be in the power position.
And then you can't wait to catch me doing wrong so you can be in the power position. And that becomes the fabric and the nature of the relationship. Who has caught who last. That's a cool place to be. And I'll sit up as a ward of Victor only seem to win and I'll sit up and lay on my side of the bed and I won't die. OK, you not talking, I'm not talking. Let's see who can outlast of them. Let's see the reason I talk about real stuff because I've been doing that still.
I'll still go there sometimes, you know, I think power works and I think withdrawal works. But here's even more to the point, every now and then, because resentments, we talk about fancy to real. Every now and then, there are some resentments that are really deep. We're real people really do things to real people.
Hopefully it doesn't happen for most people, but I guarantee you somebody in here
right now is an incest survivor. Somebody in here right now has been molested by an uncle or dad, man or woman.
Somebody in here right now has had one of their kids molested by one of their relatives.
Ralph, how do I get free of that? What the hell? No. And I nursed a resentment like that because I think it works for me. Here's the deal with resentments. Being free of the resentment does not mean I excuse, condone or exonerate the behavior. See that one again, here's the key to that. Being free of the resentment does not mean that I excuse, condone
or exonerate the behavior. I get wrapped up in some resentments because I think if I get free, if I let you off the hook, what I'm saying to myself is what you did is OK. And if I say that to myself, I'm opening up myself for the same thing to happen again and again and again, and I am responsible for protecting me. The book talks about an entirely new angle,
the basis of trust in God rather than trust in me. And when we get into that fear, inventory is going to talk about why do I have any fear anyway? Isn't it because self-reliance fail me? And that's the crux of the matter, why I have a resentment like that? Because self-reliance is going to fail me because I don't care how vigilant I am. Here's the deal, those of you who holding on to those resentments,
six years old, eight years old, ten years old, Daddy came in my room, did whatever he did. Uncle came in and did whatever he did, went into my daughters room, did whatever they did. How did I bring that on route? What part of me was hurt, threatening or interfere with in that? Well myself esteem probably was. I felt like it was something wrong with me. If I had been worthy, you wouldn't have done that to me. My pride. I think everybody knows that about me and they see me as dirty. You know, my ambition, you know, I wanted to grow up and be just a normal kid. I wanted to have a father daughter relationship
for or father son, whatever. It is. My security, that's obvious. My physical security. I'll never be able to trust another human being anymore. You know, my personal relationships. I can't get close to people. I know that people know that this stain is on me. My sexual relationships, whoever it is that I try to get with, that third party is in bed with us all the time.
This happened to me when I'm six. I'm 46 and it's still happening. He still is in between me and every relationship I try to get in, you know, So I look at those things and I ask myself the critical question, do I want to be right or do I want to be free? Do I want to be right? Do I want to? That's a threshold question that's going to catapult me into doing the work that's in the book, is not a book is going to tell me some things to do in a relationship like that. You know, the first thing I'm going to have to do is I have to ask perhaps these people, they like me, were perhaps spiritually sick.
It takes a lot to get to this point. And, and, and what it really takes is a firm determination that you screw me when I was six, you going to stop screwing me when I'm 46. That's it. That's all. That's enough. My defect still got to work for me a little bit and I have just enough of that ego done. We threw get out my bed.
Do I want to be right or do I want to be free? I want to be free at a resentment. What you did wasn't cool. What you did will never be cool, you know, And being free of the resentment, even if I see you, you know, I might see you over mom's house on the holidays, but I'm still going to keep my daughter away from you. That's prudent. But I don't want to be resentful because the resentment kills me. I have a friend that says drinking. Having a resentment is like me drinking the poison and waiting on you to die.
Having a resentment is like me putting you in prison. But I got to stand guard. Anybody been standing guard on somebody for about 40 years? Anybody been nursing a resentment? Anybody can't go over the family gatherings cause Uncle Peter be over there. Anybody that can't go around certain places because he or she or they will be there, they do I want to be right or do I want to be free? And that's what this deal is about. That's what it's really about. When I came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous under the lash, you know,
gone, what you guys offered me is a new way of living, a new way of living that really works. And it really works for a guy like me and, and, and every area, every area. So this business of resentment, the book talks about, we find an infinitely grave. It talks about it being, it likens it to poison. It's got a whole lot of words in there. You know, it destroys more Alcoholics, this business of resentment. So being free of it is a big deal,
you know, and there are some prayers in there. Perhaps they, like ourselves, were perhaps spiritually
sick. We granted we ask God to grant us the same pity, tolerance and patience we would have sick friend, somebody that did something to me that was like that. 4th column, we talked about the resentment at the nameless father or stepfather that molested me or or my child or whoever went through the third column. Fourth column, my part selfish. Maybe no selfishness in there. Maybe it is resentment. Inventory is a personal deal and it's personal for each person and the same set of circumstances can present in your life
be some different parts. I played in the fourth column for me, you know, my wife was, was an incest surprise. And in her 4th column it talks about, you know, for some people there's a dishonesty. And the dishonesty is I never told anybody and yet I held other people responsible. And then hers is interesting because she says she, you know, the, the resentment, it was dishonest because it started out as molestation and it ended up as prostitution because she started willingly participating in it because it was something in it for her. And she saw self-interest in it because
something in it for her. And so his people in there to see that transaction, the exchange and that transaction in that exchange. But I guarantee you if you don't see it in self resistance and if you don't see it in dishonesty, it's obviously going to be some self seeking.
Probably been putting that person down for years in order for me to elevate myself. I've probably been tearing them down to other people. I've probably been doing a number of things, but I guarantee you I find it in fear.
I find it in fear. My part, I find it in fear.
Feared that everybody thinks of something wrong with me. Fear that you don't like me, fear that it is something wrong with me. Fear of being found out, fear being exposed. Fear that you gonna be, fear that I'm gonna be humiliated, you know, fear that I'm not enough. Fear that I'll never be in a real relationship. Fear that I'm not worthy of a relationship. You know, fear we think it ought to be class with stealing is what it says in the big book. I'll call it anonymous. And then it's gotta fear inventory that we talk about. And I'm gonna go all over with these and that fear.
It's not a lot in the book on the fear inventory. And that's the one I'm living in right now. See, what you get is what you get when I stand up in front of you guys, I do you my family. And like I told you, I'm not a step technician. I'm not one that's really stuck in the ritual. This is how you have to do what. I do it for my life. And I do it because it's real. And I do it because I need power. And I do it 'cause I'm flawed, and I do it 'cause it applies to me.
I do fear inventory because I'm fearful
and I do resentment inventory because I can't resentments.
I don't do it to talk about it when we come up to state line and impress you that I know the stuff in the book.
You know, I went upstairs right when Peggy got through. I had a call and there's lots of stuff that's going on
with me right now.
You know, when you sit in here and talk about fear and talk about resentment, it's an art to listening and Alcoholics Anonymous,
it really is an art to listening. And depending on where you stand in your own life and the events that are transpiring, that's how you hear.
That's what you hear
and I'm so glad
that the measure of recovery that I found a new measuring stick, found a new yardstick. Bob and I were doing something last week and he talked about spiritual in the spiritual realm. Sometime when you measure spiritual growth, if we got any new friends, don't use the same measuring stick that you used to spiritual growth ain't measured by addition and acquisition. Spiritual growth is measured by subtraction.
By subtraction. Thank you Bob for giving up myself. Binded yourself and what I'm. So I'm stuck in that old idea and got to change you with your permission, 'cause it feels like when I tell you the litany of things that's wrong, 'cause trust me, I'm the most blessed man I know standing here right now.
Don't have no money on, you know, don't have no money. I could pull out whatever I pull out, you know, And there's two things right here. A, this is probably the sum total of my net worth right now. And two. But two, here's the blessing and here's the miracle. Ralph White is standing in front of you on Saturday morning with something green in his pocket and he in an upright position and he is not
you right now. If you anything like me, you sitting in the middle, middle of the spiritual, could you sitting in the mirror, middle of a spiritual miracle right now,
right now, you know, and I got to remember that. And Ronnie said something,
he said something a minute ago. Because I'm, I'm, I'm gonna get to what I'm talking about. I guess I really don't want to, but I have to.
So I'm meandering. And he talked about December 13th of 1987 and I get to measure myself against 19921996198 nineteen, you know, 99, 2002. I'll measure myself. And the real measure in place for Ralph White is October 11th, 1986.
And when I think back to October 11, 1986,
I never had it so good. So I went upstairs. We're going to talk about fear.
So I went upstairs
and my wife who's living in the house that I haven't been in for a little while,
and that's the other piece of the equation, caught up in the whole house thing and everybody.
And she left me a number and I called these people and it's my lender and they're talking about we want to give you a cash for keys agreement. For those of you who are not familiar with that terminology, I hope you never have to be.
So money gone, house gone, marriage gone, 22 years sober standing a state line should be feeling iconic. I'm feeling peonic, Thank God.
That's always a good place for a guy like me. You know, when you be going places as they trust me, I don't even read my press clip that right because you know, Ronnie was standing up here talking. He talks about his Big Brother, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's amazing perception. It's amazing perception because I've always been the trailblazer in the front runner and the rest of this. But over the last probably about 10 years, Ronnie is the rocking our family.
When my mom needs something, she can call Ronnie. When I need something, he's been carrying me. You know, and, and and you know, several of us sober now
from where we come from
and we take turns.
But I'm thinking about this fear
and the reason we get up here new friends and we share because I do stuff. Life happens for a guy like me. I'm messy in my life sometimes, you know, I, I, you know, I do things. I make decisions based on self. They later put me in position to be heard. I'm in the stream of life. And if you're in the stream of life, life comes at you the way it come in everybody. I was at a meeting and somebody was saying, you know, brand New Girl and she was saying, I've heard this saying that God don't give you more than you can handle. How do you know when that is?
And I was looking at her and I remember saying to her, well, baby, God don't give you more than you can handle, but life does. That's why I need God. You know, that's why I need God because life does give me more and I can handle. Life gets big for a guy named Ralph. Life happens and shows up for a guy named Ralph. And I'm in it and I'm participating and I'm standing. And the theme that these spiritual principles that you guys have given me and embedded in me and instilled in me that I walk with, that have become a working part of who it is that I am. And God
changes me without me knowing it. And I don't know it till I need it. I don't know until I need it in my head. The events that I just said to you guys should have me like in the bed. And I wanted to show up. I got to a point where when things are happening, I still measure myself by what I think is the evidence of what's going on in my life. It must be something wrong with you Do if you standing up here and you going out sharing with people how you going to do that? You fraudulent. You don't have a message to care. Yeah, I do. A message that I carry is no matter what, no matter what comes up,
matter what goes down, no matter where the where you are right now and what you think is living your life and not in your head that when I live in my life, I'm OK. It's when I live in my head, I'm in my head sitting down there right now. Ain't nobody came and put me on my you, but right now sitting right there are almost couldn't do it. Living in my head and not in my life. Living in my life. I'm surrounded by people who love me. I'm surrounded by recovery. I'm surrounded by you know, I'm in my element, I'm where it is I need to be. And what makes me think that God saved me from that cesspool we saved me from
to let me drown in the bathtub right now? I know that ain't true. I know it ain't, you know. But when he talks about fear, he says he asked ourselves, why do you know? Isn't it because self-reliance failed us? Yes, me relying on me. I can't bring about the desired result.
Some stuff happens. Yeah, Make some decisions based on self. Yeah, participate in life and stuff happens.
Stuff happens, happens to everybody. And you know why we share up in these rooms? Because sometimes it ain't so much the misery loves company. But what it is that a shared experiences just don't feel so stupid.
You just don't feel so goddamn stupid. Somebody else is probably sitting out there right now thinking to themselves, I don't know where Christmas is going to be in my house this year and I'm glad somebody else can let me know. It ain't that it's just something wrong with me. You just just don't feel so stupid just so it feels so all alone. See, I don't know where it's going to happen in 1980, seven, 1986. You know, in my story I share about being a next year dad and I'm the kind of dad that
Christmases and birthdays I wouldn't show up. Desperately wanted to, desperately wanted to show up
and I sit around wherever it was I was sitting around and look at my watch, or in my case the sun. And I think to myself
right about now, they open in presence next year. I'm gonna get that girl some.
And in December of 1986, I was in the Harbor Life Center. I've been there three months
and they have put me on disability. I didn't even know I had it coming.
And they were banking money for me. They were taking their money out in the excess they were putting away from me. And that December of 1986, they gave me a little of my money to go give my girl a Christmas present.
I'm over the top guy and
most Christmases now.
This was my first daughter. My second daughter doesn't know anything but Christmases this high up on the tree and the rest because that's how I do.
And that Christmas in 1986,
I bought my daughter a little pink jacket with a Gray fur collar.
Jackie might have been $45 or something, I don't remember.
If I talk to Rain now, she probably would tell me if she was telling the truth. Oh, Daddy, that was ugly. I don't know,
but that jacket looked like a mink stole to me
that December in 1986,
the first Christmas I was able to buy myself my girl something
and she actually received it. I didn't take it back
and I remember how proud I was
in 22 years later
perspective again. Classy.
I'd like to be happy if I was just
happy to give her a pink.
Talk about that fear inventory. Peggy, you said a prayer and I always wonder
in fear inventory
it talks about.
Asking God to direct my attention to what He would have me to be.
And I was sitting there thinking about that
and then guys start talking out of Peggys voice.
Ask God to direct my attention to what I would have me to be and Pecky said. Help me to not be scared.
Help me to help somebody.
Help me to be polite.
Hmm? Prescriptions are all the way through this book.
When you go to the valley,
When you go to the valley,
when everything else fails, Nothing so much ensures immunity from drinking.
Working with another one, our constant thought is X problem drinkers. Depends
of my constant thought of others and how I can meet their needs. My very life is an ex problem drinker. Depends on my concept thought others how I can meet their needs.
Thank you, Pat.
Direct my attention to what he would have me to be
and what he's going to have me to be.
I think in what looked like dark times, be encouraged. Be what you say you was gonna be when you got down on your knees with that group of people and you said to them, Ioffer myself to you. Do something with me,
do some with me. This piece of man, and he's been doing something with me and he's still doing something with me.
Relieve me the bondage itself, so I can better do that. Well, take away my difficulties,
that victory over them. Somebody else gonna lose a house and they gonna need to know you ain't got a drink and that God is still in the business of doing what He do.
Somebody else go have something successful to work till it don't and they gonna need to know that you don't have to drink no matter what and God is gonna keep doing what he do.
Somebody else going to hit a financial valley and instead of looking at the fact I ain't had a check since April, I'm going to look at the fact that I ain't missed the meal since then that I slept outside. I haven't stopped going anywhere I want to go now. I'm going to stop laughing in my day and I haven't stopped sitting with my boys. I haven't stopped sharing with my people and they haven't stopped sharing with me. I still do what it is that I do and I still show up in the rooms. Alcoholics Anonymous Feeling fraudulent, feeling butt naked. Feeling what it is that I feel
and it ain't important what it is that I feel. What's important is what I do,
because that's who I am anyway, dominated by what I think you think about me. So I need to get up out of that. Ralph. Ain't no crying, ain't no whine and keep it moving.
You know, Bob talked about that last week. You know, we got a new word for you know, book talks about self pity. We call it depression.
Your ass ain't depressed, you just feeling sorry for yourself. You get 5 minutes of that, then keep it moving,
even move your guy like me. I'ma get scared of anything. But every now and then I got a reminder Z because I grow in the valley. And the thing about 22 years of doing this thing and I and especially people have been doing it way longer than me. What I respect about that is see, I'm talking about stuff. I know I'm not speculating. I'm talking about stuff. What I know when I tell you that I know like I know like I know that I'll grow in the valley cause I've been in the valley before this my third big one in recovery. I know like I know like I know that God is going to take me to something bigger and better.
Never took me backwards yet you know all. You know the saying when one door closed, another one opened. But damn is hell in the hallway. I'm standing in the hallway,
but when you hallway, it's good to have a lot of company. That's what I like the most about it. So keep on showing up, keep on coming. You know, I got a lot of company in the hallway, you know. And so in this deal, man, you know, I am glad to have uncovered, discovered what this got to do with these inventories you've been talking about. And trust me, I got another sex inventory that I'll be doing seriously on this long relationship that I've been in that was very successful. I'm the kind of guy that likes to judge the page I'm on and make that judge the whole book. No, we had it. That was a hell of a book.
Page I'm on right now is a page I'm on right now and God is on. You know, God is writing the book. Don't trip off the page you own. You know, I love the peg was talking about is it all right right now, right, right right now.
And every right now keeps being all right when I live in my life and when I don't live in my head, you know, but I'm a living in my head kind of guy. And I know this one is all is going to be all right too. You know, I just took the body block. I just got the call. You know, I take the body block. I take it. I double over. I come back to the corner. OK, cut, man, stitch me, you know,
guys stitched me up and pushed me back out there and we keep it moving and I'm glad that I've cut me in like you in my corner. I really am. I'm glad to have this power that's behind me and I'm glad to know why it is that I do what it is that I do, you know, because resentment inventory this thing, right? He talked about being unblocked from the source of the power being unblocked from it. Man, it ain't nothing like that. It ain't nothing like it. I'm a scary guy. I'm a guided man, you know, I I was a scared little boy plan of being a man in this deal. And for
22 years, something has happened in me, something that's changed in me, something that's happened without my you know, it didn't require my permission. It did require my cooperation. And God has done something with me. And sometime the best that I know that I do is I stand up and I be responsible. I don't need him do me number, give me capacity and give me hell. The same thing I got before. It'll happen again. You know, when you come from the dark place that I come from, how anything that's in front of me right now going to scare me, you know, and if you're in here and you think
this guy show went off a step for I don't know what step I've been, I've been talking about, you know, the effects of these inner life, the way they show up in a life. And so I'm walking through this fear inventory and I am so grateful that I was here, you know, right now this morning, 'cause I heard him talking to me because I was sitting up here thinking about when he talks about direct my attention to what he would have me to be.
And I heard it. I heard it.
I heard it. Guarantee you. Keep coming to me. Keep doing the deal. Keep in one throat in front of the other. Keep sticking your hand in our hand and other hand in God's hand. I guarantee you, you'll always hear it too. Just when you need it. Just what you need. You're hearing, you're hearing, you're hearing. You know,
we got a lot of stuff before us the rest of this weekend. I'm really, really looking forward to it. You know, Bob set it up. I don't know why we got it to, you know, before and before I sit down, you know, I'm just preview.
Let me give you a little help here down for step five, you know, because we're gonna have set 5-6 and seven coming up after lunch. And when he had his written inventory done and it's 3 and I didn't talk about sex inventory. It's a little delicate for me right now. One's tender. I'm going to be in that one right now. You know,
nine questions in the sex inventory, 8 questions go to my past conduct. The 9th question is a guide to my future conduct. They're in the big book Alcoholics Anonymous. Where, you know, where have I been selfish? Where have I been inconsiderate? You know, whom did I hurt? Whom did I harm? Where did I unjustifiably arouse bitterness? Where did I justify be aroused suspicion? Where did I unjustified be aroused jealousy? Where was I at fault in the ninth question, What should I have done instead? And I put them on paper and I read those and I look at my and I
for a lot of the times I've been having the same relationships, you know, with different faces. And I also come to find out in a lot of my relationships, I've been the only person present. Imagine that, you know, So
you know, doing a fourth step and not doing a fifth, doing the work, doing the work and not taking a fifth. Doing the 4th step and not doing the 5th is like having sex and not coming. Don't put in the work and not get the results.