The 23rd Lake Murray Men's Conference in Ardmore, OK

Hi everybody, My name is Tim Heil and I'm an alcoholic. But since April the 12th of 1990, I haven't found it necessary to take a drink of alcohol or other mood altering substance. And that's been the best thing that's ever happened to me. And it's really good to be here, really good to be in Oklahoma. And I want to thank, thank everybody. Bubba, thanks for the introduction. And I saw who was hosting me and who was introducing me. I said, well, that's the way it would be. They would give the guy from Kentucky to Bubba to to

to start things off with. And

he doesn't look like a Bubba, but he said when he gets out of his suit, he looks like a Bubba.

And thanks to all of you and Papa. Thanks to you, buddy. I had no idea. I drove all the way up here with Larry today. And if I didn't know your birthday, I wouldn't have had you spend so much money on me at breakfast.

I am grateful to be here. You know, I was just thinking. I know many of you from different events in Texas, especially the Texas man to man in Lake Brownwood, a number of you that I met 10 years ago.

And somewhere in my story, hopefully I mentioned that, you know, 10 years ago, 1999, I was nine years sober. My rear end was on fire. I was wondering what sobriety was all about. And I ended up in Lake Brownwood and I'll talk about that in a little bit. And my life changed. And ever since then, you know, it's been an interesting uphill deal for me. And it's a, it's so, so special to be here. I really mean that. I love being at men's conferences. They've been so important

in my sobriety almost over not the last 19 years. And, you know, I, I've never ceased to be amazed.

I haven't been doing this as long as Mike and Gary and your other speakers have. But, you know, I still have to pinch myself sometimes to think, you know, I'm in where Ardmore, OK, at the Lake Murray. And, and I think sometimes how does a guy like me get to a place like that? You know, when I think of how I grew up and where I came from and, you know, I grew up an Irish Catholic family and from Kentucky and my daddy, I was about 10 years old. One time he said to me, Tim, there's only three things you need to know about living out there in the world. Here they are.

Keep in mind, I'm an Irish, Cathy from Kentucky said. Football, you pull for Notre Dame. Basketball, you pull for Kentucky, and you vote the straight Democratic ticket. That's it, kid. Now get out there and live.

Now, that's a pretty small world to start out in. And I think some of you could just change the names. You can relate to that. Because the truth is, by the time I got Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, April 12th of 1990, that small world had gotten so small that it was down to me. And if you weren't me, then I didn't want you in my life. And I wanted to be by myself. And that's where I'd gotten myself an April 12th of 1990.

And, you know, I, I just love that because today, you know what I need to tell you, my world has gotten so big and I've gotten to go so many places as a direct result of, you know, being an Alcoholics Anonymous. I just can't imagine it sometimes. And, you know, our book says we are people who normally would not mix, you know, and I love a A, you know, and I really believe this, you know, I hate to say this in a bunch in front of a bunch of men, but I really believe someday people will look back on a A as one of the greatest love stories, you know, that God ever created.

I truly mean that. I think it's one big love story. It has been from the beginning. And I'm so grateful to be a part of that. But you know, the people that you meet and the people you don't expect to meet. My Home group is the Lampton St. group and it's in the inner city of downtown Louisville. And I just happened to end up there because my office is not too far from there. But as a direct result of my Home group being down in the inner city, probably about 75% of the men I sponsor an A are black men. They're African American men. It's just kind of where I hang out. And I don't think a whole lot about it. I

just kind of where I grew up in a a but about two years ago, I was down around there and they changed this one way St. to two way St. And I'm going down the street. That's one particular morning to turn left on the Expressway. And I evidently this guy behind me doesn't know it's a not a one way St. any longer. And he pops right in the back of me. You know, we're out in the street and it's it's an elderly black man who hit me and he and his wife and we're standing out there in the middle of St. waiting for the police to come. And you know, keep in mind, about three blocks from my Home group now, but we're standing there and

here comes two guys down inside the street, both black. They run over to me and say, hey, Tim, you all right man, you all right? I said, yeah, guys, go ahead, I'm OK, go ahead. At that time, here come two other guys, both black, They run over to me. Tim, you okay? And then we do for you, buddy. I said, no man, that's okay. About that time, car came off Expressway, five guys in there, all black men. They ran over to me, said, Tim, are you hurt? Can we take you to the hospital? Anything we do for you, man, you know, I didn't think anything about it. I turned around. That old black man was saying, Who are you anywhere?

You know what, I didn't know what to tell. I just want to say I'm, I'm a drunk. I mean, I don't know what to tell you, but you know, that's the type of thing that happens in our, in our world and Alcoholics Anonymous. Another situation, you know, where I'm in Indian country and I was thinking about this. I was asked to go speak at a Cherokee, NC couple years ago on a Cherokee Indian Reservation. And I was real new at this and I was still really nervous about it. And I get there on the reservation and I'm, I'm looking, I'm the only non-native

speaker, you know, I'm the only non Indian, pretty clear. I don't look like an Indian 6 foot 4 blue eyed guy. I get up here and I'm real nervous and I look down there, there's the chief and there's the shaman guy, there's the, I don't know, all the head guys are sitting down there and man, I'm real nervous. And next thing I hear myself saying is, hey guys, you know what? When I was a kid, you know, I used to watch those Cowboys and Indians movies. I pulled for the Indians. I swear it is.

I looked at the chief and he started laughing and I started to relax. But after the meeting, he came up to me, said, you know, we started to wonder about you. But when you told that laugh, we knew you were in the right place.

Oh, man, So, you know,

the world, the world and Alcoholics Anonymous is this unexplainable, But it's so beautiful, you know, and I can show up here today and feel absolutely, 100% right where I need to be, you know, and that's such a special thing. If you're new, if you're new, stick around and be a part of that. And if you're new, you know, I want to tell you right off the bat, I know there's some new people here. We can tell. We know who you are. And

but you know, I want to tell you something before I start because when I was new, what I did when I showed up to Alcoholics Anonymous and I would sit where you're sitting and I'd listen to the speaker.

I would listen to what the speaker did that I didn't do. That's what I was really interested in. And I'd come and listen to the speaker. Let's say Gary was speaking and I'd be sitting there thinking, well, I did that. I did that. I did not do that. Next night, next speaker did it. I did that, did it, did it did not do that, did not do that. I was just doing this every meeting. And I was at probably six weeks in a A and a lady of all things is speaking. Now listen to this woman's story and everything this lady did I did. And listen to her story going, man, I did that. I did that.

Oh man, I did that too. I did that too. I'm screwed. I did that too. But right at the end of her talk, she said she used to carry 1/2 pint or brawl. I said, I did not do that.

And I remember telling us some old guy after the meeting about it. He said, sounds like you're getting a little desperate there to me, kid. And I said, what do you mean? And I said, you know, because the deal was I was kind of looking for what an alcoholic looked like. And you guys said, well, kind of like you, I said, no, you know what I mean, dirty old man raincoat. And you, you guys said, no, we don't know what you mean. And you know what?

It was confusing and still confusing. You know, I looked around, couldn't tell you were an alcoholic by looking at you, you know, and the stories, you know what? The stories were really different. They were all over the board, you know, so I couldn't tell you were an alcoholic by looking at you. The story's kind of confused me. But here's what I wanted to share with you is that I kept coming back. And as I listened to what your stories, no matter what you did or you didn't do, you know, three things started to jump out at me that trapped me in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And the first thing was being you all were talking about being restless, irritable and discontent.

The second thing you're talking about being apart from, not a part of. And the third thing you were talking about was being progressive patterns of dishonesty in your life. See, man, because when I heard those three things, I was screwed. I was trapped because those three things have been part of my life from the get go. Those three things, you know, I've wrestled with and Alcoholics Anonymous for the last 18 1/2 years, you know, and you know what I restless, irritable and discontent, you know, our book talks about it. I don't know what it is. Just got it,

you know, wake up with it. You know, I've had it as long as I can ever remember. And what I clearly remember when I was about 14 years old, I put alcohol on it. It took it away. You know, I never forgot that. Sometimes the most powerful thing I hear any of this year. Sometimes, you know, you say somebody, Hey, how's it going? And he says something like, I I don't know, Tim, man, I I don't know. See, man, I just don't. I'm not quite centered, you know, things. This came quite right. Do you know? Do you know I'll go. Yeah, I know, I know. I know what you're talking about,

you know,

I just never knew what to do with it. And you know, you heard many people talk about whatever that is, our hole in our souls that the wind blows through. I just know that alcohol very early on worked very well for me with that. You know, the second thing you're all talking about is being apart from not a part of, you know, and I really need to say this because the only thing I've really done right is you all told me to stay in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. See, 'cause there's a part of me still. I've been doing this for about 10 years. There's still a part of me that shows up to place like this and goes

and what am I doing here? They have no idea who I am. I'm not like them. My God, they'll find out I'm from Kentucky sooner or later. You know, there's always that moment, you know, of separation. There's always a part of me that wants to separate from the pack. You know, I got 6 little grandbabies. I like to watch old movies with them and one of my favorite movies of all time is ET the Extraterrestrial. Remember that movie when it came out back in the 80s when it first came out, I was out there. It was about 8384, and I was

drunk one night and I was taking this girl that I think I was engaged to, you know, one of those deals out to see this movie. Anyway, I'm in the movie about half loaded, but there's a part in the movie, if you remember it, or OET, the little Martian guy, you know, he gets all green and Gray and crinkly. You know, he's drying up. You know, he's dying. He's absolutely dying. But all of a sudden, he looks up in the sky and he goes

home. Home

ET home man. Tears just started running down my face.

This girl as with said, what is wrong with you? I said. I know just how he feels.

You know what? And you know what? I could tell that same story in church. Nobody gets it. You tell Antonia you're like, Oh, yeah, man, I know

home, home, home, home. You know, I wanted to be there. Didn't know where it was. Was trying to get somewhere going as fast as I could for many, many years. Wouldn't know when I've got there, when I got there, but I just know I wasn't where I needed to be. Alcohol was a great transformer for me. And then the third thing I heard you talking about were progressive patterns of dishonesty in your life, man. And when I heard that,

that really grabbed me because what I realized I was a guy who lied when the truth was good enough.

You know, I remember even thinking back when I was a kid, you know, when I played basketball, you know, and I came home, if I scored 20 points, I came home. You said, how many points you score? I'd say 24. You know, I've got to be on the test. What'd you get? B Plus, you know, I can't remember thinking even as a kid, why do I do that? And here's what I've come to realize. Why wasn't the truth ever good enough for me? That was really going to be important to me. Obviously when I showed up here, I was about 3 months sober and I've gotten back with my family,

my 13 year old daughter and I was sitting up watching a Late Show one night and you know, out of his three months sober, I couldn't sleep. And so all of a sudden my daughter says, dad, can I order a pizza? And I said, oh honey, no, don't do that, it's too late, your mother will go crazy. She said oh come on, let me. I said I go ahead,

but she orders a pizza 115 The morning doorbell rings. You know it's a pizza man. Well, my wife, you know, comes storming out of bedroom starts screaming. My daughter going, what are you doing getting a piece at 1:15 in the morning? My my daughter said, well, dad said I could. My wife said you say she could. I said no

and my daughter said dad you're lying, I said I know what I do at all time.

You know, and I say all that to say this, you know, restless, irritable and discontent apart from not a part of and progressive patterns of dishonesty in my life. Now, what I know today, which I didn't know when I showed up, is that you guys were going to give me the total package for of a solution for what I just described as a spiritual malady, you know, restless, irritable and discontent. You basically said you're going to need to find a hook up to the God of your understanding because sometimes that's the only thing that's going to give you the piece of you're looking for.

You know, apart from not a part of we give you the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and all you got to do is drag your raggedy old butt in here and stay a part of it, irregardless of how you feel, think or believe. And the last thing about learning to tell the truth and accept the truth in my life, you know, you gave me the 12 steps. And if you said you continue to practice these, you'll learn that your truth is always good enough. And if you can learn to live in your truth, then you can say sober and you can stay alive.

You know, So I'm so grateful, you know, that I finally came to understand one thing that, you know, I have a disease of alcoholism,

which is body, mind and soul. And you guys gave me the total package of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm so, so, so grateful for that. You know, I grew up in an Irish Catholic family. I was the oldest of seven kids. Wasn't if you were going to drink, it was, you know, when and how good are we going to do it? You know, it's just the way it was. And interestingly enough, you mean we had lots of drinking going on for many generations. Interesting enough, I was the first alcoholic, I think,

as it turned out, we had, as I can see, we had two groups of types of people in our family. We had a lot of nervous people,

and we had characters because, I mean, characters in your family, man. We had a ton of those guys. You know, I had a bunch of uncles. It would be stuff like, you know, my dad would say, well, yeah. You remember, Uncle Mike got all drunk up, and Uncle Tom was climbing through the window. He was drunk, too. My Uncle Mike woke up and he shot him

and everybody laugh and have another drink, you know? And then my dad would say, man, he was a character. And I remember being a little kid saying, dad, he's a killer. What are you talking about?

You know, we had, we had lots of characters. You know, we had lots of nervous guys. We didn't have any Alcoholics.

You're understanding. What I'm saying is that it was everywhere. Both sides of my family. Now my grandpa, my mom's side was it in, was a whiskey drinking in and out of VA hospital, whiskey drinking drunk, you know, but never could call him that. I was about 10 years old when Thanksgiving. I remember sitting there while I was watching the football game and I looked in, Here comes paw paw, you know, coming through the front lawn and I can tell you was all drunk up. But I'm sitting there watching football game. Pawpaw comes in, falls over the lamp right in my lap, you know,

where's my mom comes in, grabs and takes him back. I heard her screaming at him back there. Don't you ever come in here like that again. And but I remember the thing was later on, after he was gone and I asked my dad, I said, dad, what's the deal with Paw Paws? My dad said, well, Timmy, you know, he was in World War One, you know, and when he was over he got gassed real bad.

I remember thinking, yeah, he got gas, yellow Yellowstone whiskey underneath that table with gas in. But anyway, what I'm saying is, is that, you know, alcoholism

and I grew up in an environment where we all had the ability to look at about the first two or three hours of the drinking episode and a total ability to forget what happened at the end of the night.

You know, and I guess if you're going to if you're going to be alcoholic, that's almost a condition that we all have to develop sooner or later. And we certainly did it in my family.

You know, what I will share with you about my drinking

when this point forward is that alcohol would start to take from me when I was about 17 years old, everything that would ever mean anything to me.

And I really say that, you know, because sometimes as I've gotten older in this whole thing, I look back and, you know, to those periods, I got grandkids now. And and, you know, I guess we all somewhere in our life, we have hopes, we have dreams, we have the idea of what life should be for us. And, and I was like that, you know, same thing. I want to grow up. I was an athlete. I wanted to be an NBA player. Other than that, you know, I just wanted to have a nice wife, a house, and

they lived American Dream, you know? And I say that because what I can look at is, is alcohol came into my life.

It quickly prevented any and all that from ever happening until I got to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. And that's why I'm so grateful sometimes to see you young people here. Sometimes it blows me away to see people 17/18/1920 sitting in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. Because I think, man, I hope for you. My hope for you is that if you can understand what's wrong with you, you won't have to live. You know the tragedy of losing the most important things in your life.

The very first thing for me was I was a good athlete. And in Kentucky, if you can shoot a basketball, then you know, that's a good deal.

And that's about the only thing I could really do well. And I was an Allstate basketball player. Name was in the paper a lot. Picture was in the paper a lot. And the only reason I even mentioned that is it was a big deal to me because it's the only thing I really cared about. It was who I was. It was my whole self esteem, you know, because other than that, I was a six foot four, goofy, pimply, afraid of girls type of guy. That man on a basketball court, you know, it's where my identity was.

And I say that because what happened to me in 1966, you know, I got a scholarship to Division One college,

Saint Louis University. That's really great. You know, a Catholic college for a Catholic kid, first one in my family to go to school, much less going to scholarship. Huge deal for me, huge deal for my whole family. I left there in 66 and all my glory. And what I want to share with you is this is, you know, this is the point in time where I can look back and let the alcohol and alcoholism, you know, starts to take from me everything that would ever mean anything to me. You know, when I showed up to that university and by the first game of my sophomore year,

because you could play as a freshman those days, I showed up so drunk that the other players had to hide me on the end of the bench so they wouldn't throw me out of school. And so this was Division One, this wasn't YMCA. So this is like going Texas or Oklahoma or we played Drake in those days in Wichita State, North Texas State was in our conference back then. And and you got a kid just stone drunk on the end of the bench. You know, when I look back on that particular incident when I got into a one time and I want to share with you, there was two things that happened that day that really

through the rest of my story. And the first thing was this is that, you know, I had no clue at 1718 years old about a physical allergy or mental obsession. I certainly didn't have any clue about a phenomenon of craving

and what happened that particular day of the game. I came out of class. The guy said, you won't go get a drink. I said, well, yeah, I always said, yeah. And I had a mind that said, all right, we're going to have a couple beers, come back, get a nap, get a shower, go the game, be a hero. You know, that's what my mind said. Didn't know anything about physical allergy and mental obsession, phenomena, craving. And the other part of this equation is,

you know, my sponsor is a guy who talks a lot about this being an extreme disorder of the ego. And I really took that to heart. And I looked at that because there's a part of me and it happened this day too. There's a part of me that no matter what team I'm on or I'm working with you, especially in relationship I come to, I come to realize sooner or later that I'm not getting the respect that a man of my stature should be getting.

You know, it just has always happened to me. I know about you guys

in jobs and relationships. I start to notice for some reason that I'm not getting the respect that a man of my stature should be getting. And it's really a problematic thing because as you perceive your stature getting higher, it makes it tougher on the other people that you're around. And that's what happened that day. Two things happened at the coach said the day before, who was going to play, who wasn't going to play? I wasn't going to get in hurt my feelings, you know, And that whole deal started when little Timmy's feelings got hurt. He loved to drink. The second thing was I had no idea that the first drink was a problem for me.

And so the combination, the two things, I showed up to that game very, very drunk.

And here I am. The most important thing in my life is what I'm trying to say to you at 17 years old, you know, the only thing I would have told you that many anything to me, alcohol is now moved ahead of it used to be an old guy in our area used to talk about alcohol was his friend, it was his buddy. He used to throw it in the back seat and they drive around and have a great time. And he said in one day he woke up, he's in the back seat. Alcohol was driving and it was taking him wherever it wanted to go.

At 1817, eighteen years old, that's where I was. And from that point forward, alcohol would start to dictate for me on a daily basis

what I did, how I did it, where I did it, and especially where I ended up on any given day. And it also started to necessitate that I had to start, you know, compromising the values that my family had given me because they had given me good values. But if you're broke and you need to drink every day, then you need to do what you have to do. So if I had to steal, I stole. I used to take some tests for people 'cause I had some brains, you know. So the whole moral fiber of this young guy who had left Louisville and all his glory but two within two years,

you know, is already being deteriorated because of the need to find a way to drink on a daily basis.

You know, I hung around and as you probably guessed, the basketball came to an abrupt end about in my first part of my junior year. And you know what? I really didn't even care too much anymore because the alcohol had become the only thing that I had understood was making life viable. That made life okay. But I hung around there. And then in 1970, it came to 1970 and 1970. I had enough credits to graduate.

My grades weren't very good.

If you go back to 1970, some of you came. There was only two things you could really do. You could go to work if you could, or you go to war, you know, and I wasn't too interested in either one. I kind of wanted to keep the party going if I could. You know, it was my idea. And, and I really say this because as as meager as it may seem to you, it was my life at that time I figured was pretty much in the balance. And there was two ways you could get out of the draft. They had a lottery back then. If some of you go back to that point in time, my, my lottery number was six, you know,

So I'm going, you know, but it was two ways at that time. You could get a deferment from the draft. You could get married. And I thought, man, that's awful drastic.

Or, or you go to grad school. All right, so here I come for the first time as I remembered my adult life coming up with the plan for time life. And I thought, here's my plan. Here's what I'm going to do. Now hang with me here because it's insane as this might sound, some of you going to understand it perfectly.

My thought was this. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take the test to get into law school. I'm going to get into law, pass that test, get into law school, graduate from law school, eventually run for Congress and someday president United States.

You know, now here's the deal, as insane as that sounds, that's the way I think. And for me, it's a short trip from street drunk. The President of the United States.

It's just the way I think. And as you might guess, I went and took the test and haven't been a daily drinker for the last four years. I got an awful score on the LSAT and they law school turned me down

and now you know, I remember getting that thing in the mail and in the end, as meager as it may send it sound to you all now I really thought, what are you going to do now, Tim? Because you're going buddy, it's Vietnam, Vietnam, Vietnam, you're going to be shooting them up. You better come up with a new plan. And it actually popped into my head. How about this Tim? Why don't you stop drinking? Why don't you stop drinking? Because you can pass that test, stop drinking, study for that test and pass that test. So for the next 5 weeks I stopped drinking and it was awful. I'm going to tell you because I

been a daily drinker. Stop drinking. Got over the shakes, got a guy to tutor me. We worked every day. I put every ounce of brains and energy that God had given me into studying for this test for the second time. Five weeks of the best God gave me came down to the day before the 2nd test. I made a slight change to my plan.

Tess was on a Saturday morning. I came home on Friday afternoon and said here's the new plan. I'm going to go out and get a couple beers so I can relax, come back, get a good night's sleep, get up, take that test, pass that test. Congress president of the United States,

same plan, 1 little change. I went out to Friday afternoon. I didn't get back to the College of the following Tuesday. Found out later on I rolled around Saint Louis on a city bus about a day and a half of what I know now. Today is called a blackout. Had no concept what was going on then. You know, I can particularly remember the guys before I left that afternoon. They said, Tim, don't man, don't do it. You're going to blow it off. I said, guys, do I look stupid?

I will be back. I will be back in this dormitory by 8:00. You can write it down. And you know what, I believe that in my heart. And if you'd given me a polygraph, I have passed it because I didn't know anything guys, about a physical allergy. I didn't know anything about phenomenon of craving till I walked in the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Crazy thing happens there. This is how my life was starting to go. About 3:00 in the morning, I realized I wasn't going to be taking a test and I went back to dormitory. I found a real smart guy. He was right down the hall from me and

$25.00 to go take the test for me and I went out and stayed loaded for 3 1/2 days. So this guy takes a test. About 3 weeks later I got the results of the test that the guy took for me. The damn guy got the highest score in the history of the law school.

Unbelievable. And of course, crazy as I was, I remember looking this guy going you know what the hell you done to me, now give you a response. I give you a responsibility. Now you got me in a jam,

you know, Here's what I want to share. So here I am, 23 years old, and I'm thinking I better get to them before they get to me. And I called the Dean of the law school, and I said, Sir, can I come and see you? And I never forget this because, you know, I guess there's certain moments that stick with you sometimes. And why this one does, I don't know. But I showed up, and the Dean was sitting there, you know, And he never said a word the whole time I was there. He just looked at me. And I did what you have to do, right? I started a lie. And I said, well, Dean, you're probably wondering about the difference in them two scores.

The last minute I decided I didn't want to be a lawyer. I let some other guy take it. How did he do you know? As if I didn't know and you know, I knew he knew I was lying. Don't know if you've been there. I was there many times. But what I want to share with you, and I don't know why I remember this for one moment as I turned to leave that Deans office. I knew the truth, but went through my mind was Tim, you know what the problem is, man? It's the booze. The booze took the basketball away and the booze took your opportunity to go to law school because you got the brains, damn it, and you know it. It's the alcohol,

you know. I don't know why I remembered that, you know, because it did not last long. I walked out of that, you know, Dean's office that day. There were two guys that I knew. They said you won't get a drink. I said, yeah, that was 1970, you know, and I was off and running. It was going to be 20 years till I got to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

You know, when I came back to Louisville in four short years, here's what happened. Here's this young hero kid at left Louisville in four start years. I'm sneaking back into the city. My whole life is a lie. I'm going to come back to Louisville now. I'm going to as a direct result of alcohol and alcoholism, I'm starting my whole life on a dishonest basis because I had to come back and tell everybody. I decided I didn't want to be a lawyer and you know, thank God for moms. The only person that knew the truth about what happened was my mom until I got to Alcoholics,

you know, And at 23 years old, I'm going to try to build, you know, our book talks about pitiful and comprehensible demoralization. You know, I think that comes in many packages and it comes in many forms. And I can look back and I wouldn't have told you that then. But at 23 years old, I was already there. I was already taken away the moral fiber, the integrity that I had. And I was going to try to make it from there to do the best I could.

Interesting thing, I came back and took the draft physical and I and I, I flunk the draft physical for on the congenital birth defect.

I thought, hell, that would have saved me a lot of trouble. You know,

man, when I came back to Louisville, I got into teaching and coaching because you know, like I got a job coaching and they made me that. This is great. They made me at the first job I had. I was a basketball coach and I was the Dean of students at this all boys Catholic High School.

That's a bad place to put a drunk as a Dean of students because I was in charge of discipline, you see, And I tell you this story. I want to tell you why because there's lots of stories in this area of my life. But I'm the Dean of students and so I'm in charge of all these kids coming in the morning. And this is back in the 70s, right? And all the kids are out in the parking lot, you know, hitting a few doobies before they come into school and whatnot. I'm sitting here this one morning as I was many mornings, like big old tomato head, you know, just trying to get through that first couple of hours, you know,

just not one to talk to anybody. But this particular day, I look up and this kid standing up over me, he's got that long army jacket on, you know, had that long hair we had back in the 70s, man, you could just smell the reefer was everywhere. And

his eyes were all glanced over and he was just kind of floating over top my desk like this. And all of a sudden, he looked down When Hey, Mr. Island, you're looking bad, dude.

Oh, man, let me tell you. Let me tell you why I tell you that story. And I think I said something to him, like, by God, I'm in charge here. And don't you forget it. The reason I tell you that particular story,

that particular story, and there's lots of stories from that era is that that kid that said that to me, that's that day last summer celebrated 26 years in Alcoholics Anonymous. He lives down in Destin, FL. He's a multi millionaire, I swear to God. And he's a, he's a great member of AAI. Went down there a couple years ago for a conference and he met me at the plane and he had his kids with him and he ran over and called me coach. He said, hey coach, come here. He said, look, I ain't ever told my kids about how I was. He said, I'll make you a deal. You don't say anything about me.

I won't say anything about you.

And you know what? That has been such a neat part of my recovery. I did the teaching, coaching thing the best I could. You know, what's the impediment of alcoholism that I had for about seven or eight years? But in my recovery, my recovery for me and God's been so good to me. He's given me the opportunity to redo and to remake up some of the areas that I fell down so badly.

And one of the things he's enabled me to do

is sponsor and work with some of those same boys that I tried to teach and coach back in the 70s. And now I sponsor him. An alcoholic, synonymous. How about this for a special gift? How about having three brothers that I coached back in the 70s, all came into a 90 days apart and I got to sponsor all three of those. I still tend to call them kids and they're all 50 years old.

I got to sponsor all three of them and they're all now four years sober in AA. See, that doesn't happen that, you know, it doesn't get any better than that. You know, those are the types of things I've been able to do. Let me tell you very quickly. Sometimes I share this in some songs. I don't. I think it's a great to share in the men's group because I like to have fun in Alcoholics Anonymous. I love to laugh. You know, I thank God for the people that were here that made me laugh when I got here because there was nothing funny about anything when I showed up in Alcoholics Anonymous.

But let me tell you about one of those kids because this has been an important part of my recovery. His name was Chris. And not only did I teach and coach Christian High School, I had known Chris since he was a little baby. His family lived 2 streets from mine. He was the youngest of the family where I was the oldest, 10 years apart. And sure enough, when I was about five years sober, he showed up in a A and I became a sponsor and we did the deal man. We ran and did, you know, did our steps and did the meetings and what happened? All of a sudden I stopped seeing Chris,

you know, he stopped come to the meetings, he stopped calling me. And once in a while he stopped by my office and I'd say, man, what's going on? He said, well, you know, Tim, I, I don't do a anymore, but what I do do, he said, I work in the Big Brothers program and I help these little kids you see, and Tim, Tim, it's a really good thing. It makes me feel good and I know I'm helping these kids and it's kind of like a a Tim, it kind of like a a. And I remember saying to him, because the old people that, you know, timers that brought me into a used to always tell me this. And I say, Chris, look the old timers

that I need to be around my own kind. I'm a drunk and I need to be around other drunks just like me. I said, I'm sure the Big Brothers is a good thing. That man, I'd like to see you back in the rooms. You know what happened to Chris? His life took an unexpected turn, as many of ours do. And what happened to Chris was that he had he had a baby by a lady. And for the first year of that baby's life, the mother didn't want it. And Chris raised this little baby all by himself. He loved that little girl like you couldn't believe. But what happened was the 2nd year the mother went to the court and came back and just out of meanness took

baby girl away from him and would not let him see that child. And what happened to Chris is he went into that obsession of mine. He went into that spiral of depression that our book talks about and he started calling me and he was convinced he was never going to see that baby