The Aberdeen Wednesday Night Group's Quarterly Meeting in Aberdeen, SD

I make it a point never to try and put words in the mouth of another alcoholic,

but having just met Robbie

I I can imagine that at some point in time somebody may have told him to go to hell.

And then when he got off the aircraft and stepped out into the balmy South Dakota weather, he could imagine that it finally came true.

Robbie Hales from the wonderful state of New Jersey. And I think we're particularly fortunate and blessed tonight to have him here as a speaker.

So I'm asking you all to help me and provide Robbie with a warm Wednesday night. Welcome.

Good evening everybody. My name is Robbie and I'm an alcoholic.

Let's try it again. Good evening, everybody. My name is Robin. I'm an alcoholic. There you go. Bring that right spirit into the evening. I am so grateful to be here tonight. So grateful to be hanging out with other recovering Alcoholics and and friends of ours. And

so grateful I haven't found it necessary to pick up a drink, a drug, a milder mood altering substance since November 1st of 1983. And that's through

I was like this guy's age over here. I was like Elliott's age. But anyway, and that's through the grace of God, the fellowship of AA, strong sponsorship. And that's why I'm still here today. It's good to see Lisa R here. I served with Lisa R up in New York and a little service position we had back in 1998 and 1999. And I want to so thank my boy in the back, Johnny G Mandy. What what a great job he did. I don't think he was ready for me, but

he thought he was just going to like call me once and e-mail me once. And once I said yes, it was over with. But I, I sort of like, I kind of like them. So I took him hostage for a little while, for a few months and emailed him a lot, called him a lot. He's like, yeah, I'm still here. And you had a meeting still going on. But,

and I just wanted to know a few things. And I watched the weather and all that stuff. And I left New Jersey. It was 51° and sunny. What was I thinking? And I know what I was thinking. I was thinking, you know, I was coming out to hang out with you guys. The neat thing about being up here, you know, my best part of Alcohol is Anonymous is being a worker, is being a trusted servant. For many, many years, that's all I did. I I did what you guys did here tonight. I made the coffee, I drove

speakers around. I set up tables and chairs for assemblies and conferences and roundups. And whatever my sponsor told me to do, I did. Who's here? Because her sponsor told him to come tonight. Anybody. Good? Good. That's great. Good. Yeah. I met all these guys from where you guys from Jamesburg. Is that how you say that? Where you from? Jamestown And and they're all like, yeah, we're glad we're here. And one guy said, I don't want to be here. So I appreciate that

good honesty, dude. I like that. And that's how I would have been, man. But all right, I'll go. Where you going? Another diner? You got to be kidding me. You know, I'm an exciting guy. I want to go to diners.

Let's say I'm just for a moment. Why don't we just all bow our heads just for a moment. I like it this time to ask our higher power, our loving God to come into the room. If we haven't done that already, I'd let you like to ask him to come into my heart so that I can speak the language of the heart here this evening. And as well to come into your hearts so that we can all listen hopefully to a message of, of hope that a a can deliver. And we'll meet back here in just a few seconds.

Thank you everybody.

It takes the pressure off of me. Now hopefully I'll speak the language of the heart that Bill W talked about. I'm from Philadelphia, PA, so I could speak the language of the gutter like that. Remember, remember Rocky, Yo, Adrian over here, your, your sister's over here tonight. You know, I like that I can talk like that. I have no problem with that. I'm a Philadelphia Eagles season ticket holder. So if any of you guys are getting text messages about the game, just let me know. Go 7 three or I'm OK with that.

My birds were playing and I'm a season ticket. I have a good time. I love sobriety. I'll probably come out tonight just the way I am. There's actually a lot of people on aid that don't like me. You know what I mean? Some sponsees that don't like me and because I like to answer to Bell, I like to do whatever whatever I had to do for victory over alcohol, you know, and sometimes that means doing the mundane jobs. Sometimes that means sitting in smoke filled rooms, at least where I'm from. Sometimes that means going to business meetings, you know, sometimes that means

listening to a newcomer after a meeting, you know, instead of going home to my wife and baby. Sometimes it means whatever it has to take to stay away from that first fatal drink. Tonight, I really believe tonight I'm going to give you really God's story. Sometimes people say I'm going to give you my story, what's not really my story because my story would have ended up in a penitentiary or would have ended up dead somewhere in a gutter. You know, So really this is this is, you know, God's story took over on October 31st of 1983

when I asked to come into AA, you know, so hopefully that's what I'm going to give you here tonight. I don't it's so cool because I don't have any big shotism. I really don't like I'm one of those guys that I'm just like, I'm still amazed that people call me and ask me to speak somewhere. Every time they do that, I'm like totally amazed. I tell my sponsors, you know what I mean? And, and, and most important, you know, this is just another way of carrying the message. I just assume be home at my Home group tonight with my guys. I belong to the Stagecoach group of Alcoholics Anonymous where from a little short town called

Ocean View, New Jersey. All right. My group meets five times a day, Monday through Friday and on Saturday and Sunday we meet six times a day. We're serious. You know, you can't belong to my Home group and say I couldn't make it to a meeting today. You know, I mean, you could work, you could be in a great relationship and all it don't matter. You could still make a meeting. You know, we got them from 10:00 in the morning till 10 at night. You can make a meeting if you need to make a meeting. And that's, and that's the way I drank. I drank and did all that other stuff all the time.

I don't know about you guys, but there was never a bad time for a drink. Anybody can relate to that? OK, the two alumni, you don't relate, that's OK. But there was never a bad time for a drink, just like there's a never a bad time for a cup of coffee. Man, my wife thinks I'm crazy. My wife's like one of those Al Anon people, like just normal, you know what I mean? She doesn't really get sometimes like I go to conventions and conferences and I'm up at like 5:00 in the morning to go to the early bird meeting and she's like, what are you doing?

It's like we're out here at this nice resort and you're going to a meeting at this Alano club. What are you thinking? You know, but that's just the way I am. I, I enjoyed the Alano club today at 12 noon at Aberdeen because I got sober at an Alan O club in Kalamazoo, MI. You'll hear about that.

It was great. Johnny and and Jimmy picked me up at the airport. You know, I saw I was looking for I get off the plane and I'm dressed like this because I worked that day. I had to work half a day on Friday. So I got his suit on, I got my overcoat, and I guess I didn't look like an alcohol because these two guys are just there like looking around and I'm looking at him. And I saw Jim and I said, oh, that must be them. And and what? And and what?

No, no, 'cause he was looking at me. You know what, You guys are bad and love you. I told you I was gonna get you. And. And so then anyway, I'll get into Aberdeen. I gotta say that right? I get into Aberdeen. Is that right at 10:30 at night? Was it 10:30 or 11:30 at night? Friday night, long day in the office

and these guys are like, hey, we're going to go out to the diner and I was like, all these people wanted to meet you and I'm like, whoa, this is weird. So I go to the diner and all these guys were here, all these crazy guys and just hanging out and treating coffee guys and girls and that was really cool. It really reminded me of my Home group so that that was great fellowship. And finally at about 5:00 this morning, I, I got to sleep and

man, we had like 12 pots of coffee at 11:15 at night. Wow, Some things don't change, you know what I mean? But

but it's really been a great time. I want to thank the hospitality of everybody here. And it's so great to be here carrying a message of alcohol. It's Anonymous. This isn't my message. I have no access to grind up here. I'm not one of those guys that have any statements to make that isn't already in my big book or in my 12:00 and 12:00. If you came here to hear anything profound, you might be in the wrong place. I belong to a fellowship called Alcoholics Anonymous. And it's perfect just the way it is. You know, my way was so bad, man, when I came in here, when I came crawling

in here on October 31st of 83 on Halloween, man, I was drunk. I hated myself. I wanted to kill myself, I wanted to die and all. So who am I to try to change this deal? You know, it was working just good in 1983. And because I look at things through a new set of glasses, it's working even better today. So I'm not going, I don't think I'm going to rough any feathers here. Unless you're not one of those people that really love Alcoholics Anonymous, then you might not like me too much and just call your sponsor. Get over.

I love what Bill says in our big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And there is a solution, he says. We're like the passengers on a great shipliner. The moment after shipwreck. OK, We're Julius Ness. Camaraderie and democracy pervade the vessel. I think what Bill's saying is a lot of us were out there and we're beaten

and battered by the storms of alcoholism, you know, and but then all of a sudden, we land on this island called Alcoholics Anonymous. It isn't that great. Wouldn't that be great if Bill just ended that part right there? We made it here. Wouldn't that be great? Hey, did you drink like me, Don? Yeah, I did. Good. You're going on a meeting tomorrow? Yeah. You gone? Yeah. I'll be there, too. Could you imagine if that's all it was, that we just had a common denominator? That we were major drinkers and we ruined

our parents hated us and we and we we we drank away

great lives and we did older. Wouldn't that be something but that unfortunately, Bill put another paragraph in there and what he said is that is only one of the powerful elements of cement that holds us together as we are here today our stories. I'm going to tell you my story. OK, I'm going to tell you my story. But that's only one apparel elements of cement. That's the catalyst that gets us all here to meet together to allow God to come into our lives somehow. But then he says the tremendous fact is that we found a

solution, one in which we can agree and join in brotherly and harmonious action. And that's what I've seen here tonight. That's what he says. That ain't me. So I've got to talk about that tonight, too. I've got to talk about how I joined AA, how I learned how to go to these diners with you people. You know how I had to learn to go to these business meetings. You know that I really didn't like anybody here not like business meetings. Be honest.

Good, good. You're in the right place. Oh, by the way, everybody in the front row, raise your hand real fast,

OK, at least a little longer. OK, that's the sick row. Everybody say hi to sick row. Now everybody in the back row, raise your hand. That's the inventory row back there. Thanks, guys. We appreciate that. And

look at there's always seats up front whenever I share. It's so fun. But you never get a seat in the back, man. They're all packed back there. I'm a front row dude, man, I just am. I'm always afraid I'm going to miss something. I don't know what it is, man, could you imagine? Now listen to this. They'll just stay with my logic for a second. Say you, whoever your favorite group is, like say mine's The Rolling Stones.

Could you imagine if I got 2 tickets to Rolling Stones and the ticket agent said, the ticket agent said you could sit anywhere you want. They think I'd sit in the back row. I don't think so. I'd be right up front, baby. I don't want to miss nothing. So that's when I come to Alcoholics Diamonds, man. I'm a front row dude, man, straight up. So if you ever see me at a convention or a conference or a roundup or even in my Home group, I sit up front. They know that you know, So it's all good. So if you're up front man, I like you guys. Good job.

My story or God's story, man, you know, I come from Philadelphia, OK? I come from a you know, I told you where I come from. I come from a Catholic family, you know, we're all different. My mom and dad, man, my mom and dad didn't have a problem with booze or any of that other stuff. My God, my mom and dad hugged me. My mom and dad loved me. I know not everybody's stories like this. We're all different, man. I come from a family that just loved me to death, man. I went to 8 years at Catholic schooling. I was an altar bully, man. I rang the bells when the priest,

the chalice and the hose. I was a good kid. I sang kumbaya, my Lord and I did all that stuff, man. I, I clapped the erasers for the nuns. I'm not like a recovering Catholic. I love Catholic school. I really did. Everything was great that this is pre alcohol, mind you, right? Then all of a sudden something happened. I was 8th grade summer and I was on the way down the way. Yes concert for all you people over 45. That's a rock'n'roll group. OK, I'm on the way to a yes concert, right? And, and what were we doing? We were doing shots of Southern Comfort

and eating Nacho cheese Dorito corn chips. Oh great going down, but not good coming up. It's just that simple. And so first drunk man, first trunk on the way to a yes concert. Everything was going great until roundabout came on. Remember roundabout? Roundabout, roundabout came on and I projectile vomit on this dude right in front of me, man. And he didn't think it was funny, but and I passed out like a lot of us do. See, I'm not like one of those like social drinkers. I just trig like more,

you know, more means like, OK, you got more. Yeah. It's like like like 1:00 in the morning, the party's over. And like, I'm one of those guys. Like where we going? You know what, you're going home. Like, why would you go home? So I'm one of those guys. I just drank my first drunk. I got sick. I got home and my mom looked at me. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm 8th grade to 9th grade. I'm, I'm a 12 1/2 year old. And my mom looked at me and said, what's wrong with you? And the sad part was I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I was drunk. So I got another different part of my.

It's not like a lot of alcohol. I fit in growing up. I was the quarterback on the football team. I was the shooting guard on the basketball team. I played shortstop on the baseball team. I fit in on hockey. I was right winger, man. We played street hockey in Philadelphia. I fit in everywhere. I had friends at my you know what, I didn't have any problems. You know, some people say, oh, life was horrible. I never fit in. I picked up a drink and

not my story. I fit in. I had friends. Here's my story though. Here's what happened when I picked up a drink. I picked up a drink

and I love that effect. Can anybody relate to that? That's a that's in a doctor's opinion. I drank for a fact. So what do I have to do when I finally got here to AAI had to I had to get some effect from you people and thank God you guys gave it to me. It says on page 151 of the big book. If that follows you, I know a page just get over it. But it says on 151 in the big book, you know, ever hear some people say, well, I don't want you to think I'm a big book thumper, but

I'm not afraid of nobody in here. You know this. These books save my life. So if I quote them, I might quote them. So on 151, it says. It says, yeah, I know I'm consigned. It says a newcomer speaking,

he says, yeah, I know I'm consigned to a life of having to stay sober. Kind of like when we know we got to be here but we don't want to be here. It's like, OK, I'm here, whatever. I'm not smiling, I'm not laughing, I'm not sitting up front and I'm not drinking that horrible coffee, but I'm here, OK, Just leave me alone. Don't push it. Well, so this dude's like that and he says so, So, but on my cosigned to to being a stupid and boring and having a horrible life. Don't you have a substitute for the exciting life I had?

That's pretty much what he says and the guy answers and says, yes, we do. We have a substitute. It's called alcohol. It's called the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Here you will find release from care, wary and boredom. And then it says here your imagination will be fired. I don't know about you guys. It took a while, but finally my imagination got fired. I started having fun staying sober and I so needed that. I so love coming to a a no matter where I'm at. And and like last night, I'm honestly guys, when I

that diner, what diner were we at? Whatever Millstone diner. Thanks, dude. We're at the Millstone Diner and I went in there and I saw you guys laughing and having a good sign. There you go. Good to see you car is here and you guys were having fun. And I'm like, yes, I found my people, you see, because that's what attracted me when I was new. If you guys were just sitting there, like I said, when I was just sitting there, like, you know what I mean? Like a click group of people that won't let others in. See, we're not a clicking Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, we're a bunch of

people that if you come in like, hey, how you doing? Who are you? A lot of times you like we're a little too nice to newcomers. The newcomers like, OK, leave me alone, okay, okay, the court sent me here, leave me alone. I'm cool, but don't push this crap on me. You know, you're all smiling and smelling good and jeez, but so I love that I love when I come here and I see, I see a flame of alcohol synonymous and I see that, you know that I see that smiles, I see the laughter and guess what? We see the crying. Of course we do. We see, we smell

the alcohol on members sometimes and hopefully it's at those times that you're one of those members that are willing to go sit with that person, whether it be a man or a woman, you know what I mean? But I'll tell you, man, when I was out there, man, I'll tell you what I would have drank. You ever hear some of those people saying I wouldn't drank with half you people? I'd have drank what, all of you, everyone here, male, female, you're not sure what you are? Let's have a drink and figure it out.

Yeah. Yeah. You're like, I wasn't. I wasn't prejudice. I drink with anybody. Anyone at any time for any reason,

all the time, you know, and that's just the way I was. So I try not to be like that in here. I try not to be like, oh, I won't go to that meeting. You know, I try to get, hey, sometimes I go to meetings and I'm like, oh God, look who's here. And that's OK, man. You know, we, we bring the right attitude towards AA and some of my story. I'm growing up and I'm drinking all through high school. Now I change from the from AI was straight A student, 1st 8th grade. And then in high school, I went to a private Catholic college school print high school 'cause I was smart

and we're all guys and that was no good. And oh man, and a lot of these guys were all dressed nice and, but today their attorneys and doctors and all that stuff and like, oh, I wanted to do was like take like courses like science fiction for and typing 3 yo, is that a big buddy? Where's the bee? You know what I mean? I'm all drunk in class, man. I don't care. I don't care about trigonometry, physics and calculus. I can't even spell that crap.

I, I want to have fun 'cause I'm drinking. Now, if you can relate to that. Now, if you're a newcomer and you're sitting out there, how about anybody working on like, say, their first six months of sobriety? Anybody here raise your hand?

Good. Good to see you guys. And I see somebody is laughing and usually I see somebody sitting out there like

when I speak. And that's OK because we understand. We know there's nothing funny when you're brand new. We know how you feel 100%. I know there's nothing to laugh about, you know? And that's good that you're here and that's good that you feel that, you know what I mean? We've all been there. Don't give up, you know, Don't quit before the miracle happens. You know, sometimes we think that

laughter and cheerfulness make for happiness. That says in the big book and our big book Bill says it says we are not a glum. What

that he says? We absolutely insist on joining life because if the newcomers could see no joy in our existence, why would they want to stick around? There's plenty of other stuff out there. There's plenty of unhappiness out there. There's plenty of irritability and restlessness and discontent right out there. Back where we used to be, Right, Raj? Right. Right out there, Right. Man, that dude sat next to me in a diner. Never do that again, will you? But.

But the reality of it is, Ben, you know what? Today, man, it's OK to come here

and to be willing to let a a come into your life, to let people come into your life. It's OK to be a little enthusiastic with sobriety. I got taught by a speaker that enthusiasm, the Greek word of enthusiasm is enthusiasts. And antheos in Greek means the God within. So when you see an enthusiastic member, whether he he's at work or whether he's a ball player or whether he's an Alcoholic Anonymous, he or she, it's because you're looking at their God. I'm sponsored by a guy named Reverend Ed M from Davenport.

There were OK. And one time before he knew who I wasn't, who I and I knew who he was. He got done speaking. I'm boring. I'm bald and I'm bald. I'm crying. I'm a crier something I cry and and he just gave a killer message one night in New Jersey at our convention. I was a newer guy had like 10 years and I'm crying. Thank you. You know, Anthony, you've read so much to me. He said and I said, I feel your God. And he looked at me and he pulled me out. And he says, you felt my God, because that's what you were looking for,

you see. And I like that. See, when I see in you your defects of character, when I see in you your shortcomings, when I see you in you your flaws, I believe that's what I'm looking for. You see, you know, today I got taught in Alcoholics, that's too easy. Stop looking for the flaws in alcohol economics. Stop looking for the flaws on our parents. Stop looking for the flaws in the society at large. Look for what's right.

It's a lot harder to do, but I'll tell you when you're happy and you're joyous and you have a respect for other people's viewpoints and opinions,

it makes us much more useful to others. That's in the big book as well.

So in high school, I graduated, all right. I went down to a place called Wildwood, NJ. I've called senior week. We're all a parochial school senior week. And me and all my boys. Now I'll tell you about my my buddies nicknames. Rogers could tell you I was a drinker. Bones, Lumpy and killer. All right, I was. Weasel

was so funny.

So here it is. We I had on my coat. Weasel, my coat. I just thought that was great. And anyway, so BB bones love being killed. Go down to the shore, right down the Wildwood, NJ for senior week. You know, we're 18 years old. We're going to sow our wild oats. We're going to drink, right? And all our girlfriends go down. Now. My little girlfriend's name was Barbie. OK

and Bones on being killed, they all their girlfriends were all Barbie's girlfriends. And so I remember I went to Barbie's hotel room the first night and I knocked on the door

and she said, come in. So I go in now, my hat's on backwards. I'm listening to AC/DC in the Walkman on the highway to hell. Remember that song, man, on a way to Hell? And I'm just on that road. I'm on that highway, man. I'm a drinker and I'm just feeling no pain. I'm, I'm leaving a keg to go get my girl to take her to a bar. And she looked at me in the eye and she said, sit down. Now, I don't know about you, but when I, when you're in a jackpot, you kind of know it, even if you're drunk, you know what I mean? So I sat down and I looked like

room and like for her girlfriends were all like peeking out. Now I'm thinking this is not good. You know what I mean? You know, you girls when you support each other, man, that's not a good thing, man. You know I mean so yeah, you know so. So I sit down with Barb and she looks me in the eye. She's 18, I'm 18. And she says to me, Robbie, you drink too much for me. Now you girls can all help me with the end of this. OK, please. And I'm going to have to go in a different

direction. That's right. Who said that?

Yeah, very good. You're very good. Yeah, good. And that's what she said. And I'm going to go in a different direction, you know, And I said now I wanted to say I thought about saying, Barbie, we've had so many special times together. We've experienced a lot of things for the first time. We've been at a junior prom, the senior prom together. I really love you a lot. And I'm going to stop drinking this week for you. And instead what I said was really,

And I just walked away like a country song, man. You know what I mean? I walked away and I was downtrodden, man. I got back to bones lumping killer and I said

and I said, guess what? And you're like, what, dude, what's going on? And they're like I said, bar broke up with me, she's going to go in a different direction. And they were all like, yeah, great man, that's awesome. Let's party. Now if you're my age, if you're in your 40s, you remember Animal House? Yeah, man. And I was like John Belushi, Animal House. I'm like cool, let's party, man. So a four year relationship

in 4 minutes was gone. Why? My upper, my my, my inner child? I don't think so.

So it was because of booze, I think, for one second. And we do it to our parents, OK? We do it to our girlfriends, if you're a woman, to our boyfriends. We do it to our husbands, our wives, our kids. You know, anything that comes in front of alcohol ends up anything in front of alcohol becomes a distant second because alcohol's always up front, you know? And that's just the way it is. And we don't mean no disrespect. We don't, you know, it doesn't mean we don't love you. It doesn't mean we don't care about you. It just means what we read

and how it works. That fellow came up here and read how it works. You can help me with it if you like. I like to get you involved. It says remember we deal with alcohol,

Connie, baffling. Let's try it again. It says remember, we deal with alcohol. Cunning, baffling and powerful and without helping is too much for us. But there is one who has all power. That one is may you find him now. Alcohol was so cunning, baffling and powerful. I wasn't stopping for Barb. I wasn't stopping for the teachers. I wasn't stopping for the priest. I wasn't stopping for my mom and dad and I wasn't even stopping for my little sister

because I'm drinking just the way it is. And yeah, sometimes you hear in in the rooms about the Nile and all that sounds good, but it's a little, it's a little bit of a light word. OK. What we talk talk about in our big book is delusion and illusion. There's a difference. See, denial means that you kind of know it's wrong in the back of your mind, but you're just denying it. Delusion is you're doing it. You have absolutely no idea how messed up you are. And that's the difference. And that's

alcohol. It gets straight up. I was in a delusion. I just thought that, man, this booze, that was everything. I did not see that it was taking my education away. I did not see it was taking my girlfriend away. I did not see it was taking my parents away. I didn't see it was taken by ambition away. And in the end, I did not see that it was eventually going to take my sanity, you know. Oh, I saw was fun and a drink. That's all I saw. And I can't explain that. You know, I'm not a psychologist. I can just tell you my story and this is what happened.

So I got a job at a bank.

You can see this is going to go in a bad direction, can't you?

Ain't good Sats. I'm a smart kid. So I good sats and my and my guidance counselor in high school got me a job at a bank. Now I'm 18 years old. I'm a graduate of high school of a Catholic private prep high school and I'm a bank teller. And on the first date of vice president sits down and he says, Robbie, good news. We like your marks. We've got good reports from you from your high school counselors on and on and on. And better news, we're going to send you to Temple University

at Broad and Columbia in Philadelphia, PA. And if you get A's and B's, we're going to pay for it. And in fact, the only thing you've got to do is make it for 90 days probation. I was doing good until he said that and I but I was happy. I went home and told mom and dad and I'm going to go to Temple. Good, good learning, higher learning. Man, I was excited. And I was 18 years old, OK. And but I'm an alcoholic. So everything was going good to like that Friday. All right, and then and on that

body I was working with, I don't know about you guys, but you can relate to this. I was working with four bank tower chicks and one was printed in the next man stockings and skirts. And I just I'm 18 years old. Hormones are racing. What a job, man. I was living large man. And so I'm a bank tower and these four girls looked at me and they were like, Hey, Robbie, we all go over to Froggies after work. Would you like to go? Now allow me to explain at 70s and Waldo in Philadelphia, PA, right across on the street from this, this financial institution I worked at was a a a a green

neon frog going across the sign all day and it said Froggies leap on in. I never left on out, but but I was dying to leap on in with these girls, especially with these girls. You know, I'm saying. So after work, I went over with these four cute girls and man, everything, everything's going great till about 7:00. And then that really weird thing happens to non Alcoholics. They're like, we're going and I'm like, Oh my God, you got to be kidding me. Where are you going?

They're like, we're starting to feel it. You know how we are. We got a drink right past that feeling, you know, I mean, that's like amateur stuff. And I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. Like, oh, no, we gotta work tomorrow and we gotta you know, like, Oh my God. So anyway, see you later and, and I'd stay all night. I'm a last, I'm a last call thing. You know, I belong to this big group that I told you about. And after the 10:00 meeting, we had this one guy that used to go over to that light switch and turn the lights on and off until I went to the business meeting. I said, yo, that guy's giving me a bad head with that light thing. Flashback your last call. But

I'm a last call guy. I leave a bar at 1:00 in the morning.

I'm 18 years old. I'm not drinking now to impress the girls anymore. I'm not in drinking to impress the guys on the football team anymore. I'm not drinking for the camaraderie. I'm not drinking for the tunes. Yeah, man, Zeppelin. You know, we learn. Dazed and confused. Yeah. Not anymore. I'm drinking by myself at the bar. Not good. But not with me. I got to be careful. Sorry about that Mister Taper.

I usually bond with the taper. But anyway, I'm drinking all by myself and I'm puking and I'm I'm urinating in bushes and I'm just

and I'm puking on people on the subway in Philadelphia and it's just a bad thing. But again, alcohol starting to take her in my life. That's why I'm telling you my story. I'm I'm showing you the progression of this illness or this malady we call alcoholism. And again, my mom would just look at me when I come home from the from the from the bank and say, Robbie,

what is wrong with you? You're doing so good. You're going to go to school. Would you stop it? And my, even my little sister who was a freshman in high school now who is like perfect, by the way, I don't know what that's about. Never smoked, never drank, you know, smoke a joint. Why would I want to do that? She said, I'm like, I guess if if I got to explain, I guess it ain't going to work. And, and she just never did nothing, nothing. She's an attorney in New York and she's a great girl. But even she would plea with me, Robbie,

stop it. We all love you, brother. You're my Big Brother. Would you stop it? And as much as I want to, and perhaps I would make a decision to do it every once in a while, alcohol was too cunning, baffling and powerful. And that's just the way it is. It's just the way it is. My story is real simple. I don't bring a lot of stuff into it. You know, I talk about booze, I talk about AAI, talk about God. I talk about these wonderful steps and these wonderful traditions and, and what happens when we get involved in service and what happens when we have a wonderful fellowship around us. You know, no, no new dynamics from this guy tonight.

So I started giving myself gradual raises at the bank.

That's not a good idea, is it? That's probably bad if you're working at McDonald's. It's really bad if you work at a federal depository. OK, they actually have a crime for that. They, they, they actually named that something. So anyway, I'm doing good for the first few weeks, you know what I mean? And eventually it caught up on me. Don't get me wrong. Everybody knew me at Froggies and I was drinking real well. And see, I don't, I can't think, I can't think of what the repercussions going to be. All I can think about is drinking.

And that's just my story. I can't explain that. I did not, you know, as a junior in high school sitting home room and say, you know, someday I wanna go to prison. I wanna go to jails. I wanna go to rehabs and by golly, something. I wanna see what it's like to be in a mental hospital. You know, I want people to look at me. I want people to spit at me. I want people to look at me with disdain when they see me. I want my own mom and dad when I call home to say, you don't have a home near here no more. I want to hear my little sister in a background crying when I call home. I want to get to a point where I hate myself so much

that I want to commit suicide. See, I never said that. See, that's why I believe this is a major disease. That's why I believe I was in a delusion, an illusion. See, alcohol, never. If alcohol had told me that that's what was going to do to me, you know, and right up from the beginning and just maybe, just maybe I would have listened. I don't know. But I know that once I put it in me, man, there was no stop.

So one day I show up for work and I'm dressed like this and I'm ready to go to work and I'm happy. Joyce and Freeman. I'm an alcoholic boy and I just, I'm doing well. And also, there's two guys with hair like mine, but unlike me,

they got guns on their side and handcuffs coming at the rear end. And they said, is your name Robert Walker? And here I thought it was at Temple intake, You know what I mean? And I said yes. And they said hands against the thing. And they patted me down. And they were, they were from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, OK. And it was going to be my first of many lockups. And I never got fired from that job. They just took me out there

and so they took me out in handcuffs and I went to a federal building and I got a year. I got a year in prison at 18 years old,

OK? At that time, I had real light blue eyes. I had sandy blonde hair. I remember Bruce Jenner. He went away with the wings and all. I had wings. I had a good tan from Wildwood. That's good with the girls in high school. It's not good with the prisoners, OK?

Everybody at layoff hasn't been to prison. Apparently. One guy's back there. Yeah, I hear you, dude. And. And, man, I'll tell you what, man, it wasn't. I mean that seriously. It might came off as a joke, but I it's not funny, you know, when men are flirting with you and they want to get to know you?

You know what I mean? You know, I remember every night in that prison, man, I swear. And I make a joke about this, but it ain't funny. Every night in that prison, I said the practicing alcoholic prayer, and you could help me if you know it. Oh, dear God, please help me go this one. And I'll never. I said it in an Al Anon convention, but that's what it is. Oh, dear God, please help me get a please help me get away from Bubba, Jose and Spider. And I promise I'll never do it again. I went to Bible classes. Anybody ever been in jail? You don't have to raise your hand, but I've been to jail.

Bible classes, 7th Day Adventist. I wash guys feet, you know, praise the Lord, Hallelujah, you know, and I get out. What do you think I did? I drank because that's what we do. We can't with sufficient force bring into our mind the day, the week or the month before. Who in here knows somebody that's an inner outer, an Alcoholics Anonymous, and their story's probably worse than yours. I know plenty of them. Their story's probably worse than yours,

OK, But they just won't accept our spiritual principles. They won't take some simple actions that we have to do.

We've been doing all weekend with these guys like Elliot and and Johnny and Jimmy and just hanging out and and Estelle hanging out and not drinking, you know what I mean? And and and and and drinking coffee and and working. Yeah, it's a you know, I'm going to say a curse word and we got to do some labor. Yeah, I don't curse. But so anyway, so now I'm out of jail. I'm living on the streets. I mean, you know, So what I don't think about, like, I'm not the type of God. It says like, well, I can't drink anymore because

I might go back to prison. See, that does not come into my mind. I find out different ways how to try to stay out of there. And I don't get a real job because all I want to do is drink. OK. If I got to go to soup kitchens, I'll learn how to do that. If I go to Salvation Army, I'll learn how to do that. At the holidays, I always got to give that Salvation Army money because I stayed at them. I can't ever walk by. You guys have the Salvation Army with the bucket steer. Yeah, kills me. But so anyway, I've been to all those places. Why? Because I'm drinking. I'm not stopping.