The 31st Louisiana Al-anon Convention in Lafayette, LA

Susie on Friday when I picked up, picked her and her husband up from the airport. And Susie is beautiful and she's 510 and her husband is tolerant and bigger. And I tell you this because I picked them up in my Camaro,

but we fit and we made it to the hotel and I got a chance to have lunch with them. And what they shared with me at lunch was recovery. And I'm sure we're in for a great treat. Susie S, Thank you very much.

Hi everybody. My name is Susie Cesman Ski, and I am a grateful and enthusiastic member of Al Anon.

Well, Louisiana, you should be very proud. This is a very, very fine conference, and for those of us who get to travel and get to go to conferences, we know the difference. And so you should be very, very proud. If you've never worked on a conference like this, you should do yourself a favor and volunteer next year because it takes a lot of work to put this on. This doesn't happen overnight

and this is one of these quality, quality weekends. So thank you for that. Thank you for inviting me to come here and speak. It's it's always a pleasure to be a part of a program. I do prefer, however, to be in the audience listening. But, you know, since you paved my way here, I, I guess I have to do my turn at the podium.

Probably the most important thing I can tell you about myself is that I absolutely love Al Anon. I have loved Al Anon for many, many years. It wasn't true when I first came here, but it is true about me today. I, I no longer live with active alcoholism. I haven't lived with active alcoholism for, oh, many, many years. I don't have any

Alcoholics close to me at this time. And so many people would ask me, why do you keep coming back?

I mean, if you you don't have the disease active in your life, why are you here? And the reason that I come back, and this is probably the most important thing you're going to hear from me tonight. The reason I come back is that some point after I started this program, I realized that the problem was me. And now that I know the problem is me, I know where all the action lies. And it is in changing myself, which over the years I have changed myself

not to sainthood,

but trust me, there's nobody here who knew me back when. But there has been a dramatic change in my personality and my behavior. And for that I'm eternally grateful. And, and I thank Al Anon and the God of my understanding that I found here,

um, there are people here that I've met at other conferences. I, I spoke last year or maybe it was even last January. I mean, I think it was a January before at Red Stick and I was in Hattiesburg a couple of months ago. And so for those of you who've heard this story before, I, I will apologize, but I always tell the same story because people listen to tapes. They invite you because they heard the tape. So if you come here and you give a different talk, you know,

so this is my story and you might want to get your hankies ready because it is a sad tale. It's a very sad tale.

As a little girl, I was not interested in a lot of things that a lot of little girls were interested in. I didn't play with dolls. I didn't watch

TVI wasn't interested in a lot of the things that little girls do. I, however, was interested in fairy tales from a very early age. I loved fairy tales. I love to read about them and over and over and over I would I would get to the end. And I think the reason that I like fairy tales was because that there was always hope in those stories.

And maybe it had a lot to do with the fact that usually there was a Prince figured into the story somehow. And I, and I have always liked guys so. So it's only fitting that I would start my story tonight by saying that Once Upon a time there was a beautiful young Princess that lived in a castle with a wicked old witch.

And every day the Wiccado witch would tell the Princess that she was no good, that she would never amount to anything, that she was ugly, that she was not loved.

And this went on day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. This Prince is suffered from a condition called mistaken identity.

And I identify with that story because I grew up in a family where my father had a drinking problem.

And as funny as it would seem, my problem was not with my dad, the alcoholic. My problem was with my mother. My mother drank a little bit, but my mother was not alcoholic. My mother had no real problems that you could pin a a name on. She was just crazy, crazy. And from the earliest I can remember, I was always in trouble with her. I was always being spanked, grounded, and to be perfectly honest with you,

I disliked her to a point of hatred for many, many years because I had always wanted the kind of mother that I thought that you had, the kind of mother that made peanut butter sandwiches. And Cricket talked about that today. My mother didn't make me peanut butter sandwiches. My mother didn't put Flintstone bandages on my Boo boos. You know, my mother was a club woman. She wasn't around a lot, which we were grateful for because when she was around,

it was not pleasant most of the time.

I am the oldest of three children. I have to tell you, I've identified with absolutely every speaker for a variety of reasons. And you're probably going to hear a lot of the same things you've already heard. Just it's going to be my. My situations were a little different, but the emotions and the feelings are all the same. That's why we're here. The language of the heart.

So I grew up in this family where my father had a drinking problem. It's important for me to tell you that I grew up a daddy's girl. I adored my father, everything about him. He was very affectionate. He had a wonderful sense of humor. Christmas time, he would plan big events where we would take sleds out to the woods and with big picnic lunches and hot chocolate and we'd go for our Christmas tree into the forest where you weren't supposed to cut down Christmas trees.

We'd all laugh and cut the tree down and run like hell, you know, And it was a lot of fun. I've often said that my dad was like the Cecil B De Mille of dads and, and I adored him. My mother, on the other hand, like I said, she was always angry. And I can remember holiday dinners at our house, for instance, I can remember a specific Thanksgiving where I had family and other States and they would all come to our home for Thanksgiving. And a lot of those nights,

a lot of those holidays, this one particular, I remember I was sitting at the Kitty table and we were having a marvelous time. And all of a sudden there was a big crash as the Turkey platter hit the wall. And just like that, everything changed. Everything got angry and quiet at the same time. We were sent to our rooms, the family started packing their bags and everybody got in the car and left. And there was just no explanation other than the fact that there had been a lot of drinking going on. And that's the kind of stuff that happened to us

lot, umm,

things would change and it was never explained to us, you know, it was just always a mystery.

But my mom and dad, my father, although he was a drinker, he had a fine education and he was a good provider.

We lived in nice houses and we drove nice cars and I had nice clothes. But behind our front door, things were pretty crazy.

A lot of Saturday nights, my mom and dad would go to the Elks Club or the Country Club with their friends to dance and drink and the things that they would do. And a lot of those Saturday nights they would come home in the Saturday night. Fights would break out On those nights. My mother would be in my daddy's face. And many of those nights he beat her up

and she would call, she would call our name and, and scream for us to call the police. And I, I would call the police. I was at that time, probably 9/10/11, right in there. And the police would come to our house. And you know, I loved my dad and I didn't care for her, but I didn't want him beating her up. And it was very confusing for me at that time that

the police would come to our house, and it didn't matter if it was summer or winter,

my dad always ended up on the front lawn in his underwear fighting with the police.

When I was 13 years old, my father left home. And when he left home, I blamed my mother for that. I thought if she had been a more loving, kind, understanding wife, that my dad wouldn't have to leave home. And so I made a pact with myself on a subconscious level that if I ever found myself in that position, I would be that loving, kind, understanding wife and my husband wouldn't have to leave.

So it's fitting that I would tell you now my qualifications for being here are

that I am the the granddaughter of the daughter of the sister of and I have been in three alcoholic marriages.

And that would leave you to believe there's a little something wrong with Susie's thinking and and a lot wrong with Susie.

My teenage years were very awkward. I'm 5 foot ten. I've been this tall since I was 5.

And when you're young, you just want to be short and cute like all the other girls. And I always stood out in a crowd like a giraffe. You know, you'd be in the second grade class. There's all the kids and there's Susie. No, but now I'm glad to say that I at my age, I'm really, I'm really proud to be a tall person and I can see what's going on all the time. So

I really didn't discover boys until after

high school. I was a very shy, withdrawn girl. In addition to being this tall, I was very, very thin, pathetically thin. And my mother used to have to take my dresses, and that's when they used to have darts. And then she just saw the darts right across the chest. Because literally, this is a true story. The chest fairy didn't come to see me tell very late in my teeth.

That was another hang up I had.

But I always thought men exactly like my dad and I described that type as a James Bond type with severe emotional problems.

And I always knew where to look. There was always a bar. You know, when with my girlfriends, we would go to these places to dance and there were certain places where we go. We would go where we knew. All these wonderful men hung out. They told us they were astronauts and nuclear physicists and you know,

and that's where I would go to find the next him,

my first husband. And, and I'm going to just run through some of this with you really fast. I, I do think it's very important to, to tell you what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. So I'm going to run through some of this because my potential for neurosis was always the greatest in the areas of relationships with men. And so I need to lay this out for you so you can just see how sick I became.

My first boyfriend,

the first guy or my first husband

I met in a bar. I had been living in Marina del Rey on a sailboat with a lifeguard.

I had dated that lifeguard maybe two or three times. And he asked me if I didn't think I would like to just move in with him on this boat. And I, I thought about it for about 10 seconds, which was my MO. And I moved on to this boat and, and he took very good care of me. He would go to work every day on at the beach saving lives. And he would come home and cook our dinner and then wash the dishes and perhaps grocery shop or do laundry or vacuum. And I only had one job in that relationship and it was to get a tan

and and I did my part and I it was a thank you, Al.

I would love to have Alan Nashville. I tell you, the women would love you out.

You have great energy. That's a compliment to you anyway,

So I, I, what I'm trying to say to you is that I was incapable of doing anything else. I needed to be taken care of. I came out of this family where my mother did everything. We weren't responsible for making our beds. I, she didn't teach me how to cook. I never did laundry. I didn't know how to do anything. And so it was only natural that I needed somebody to take care of me. And this lifeguard,

true to his profession, he was always saving me.

So his he was building this another sailboat that was going to

sail to the South Pacific and and he this other lifeguard that he was in partners with had a girlfriend that I thought was a real hot number. Her name was Sharon. And Sharon was tall like I am and she was a natural redhead. And Sharon had big breasts.

Sharon wore leopard skin dresses with neckline solo. They had nothing to do with the neck

and I thought if I could be like Sharon that I would have arrived. And so Sharon suggested that I get a job and a well paying job and she knew that if I got a job in this little beer bar that I could make some good money. Now I was 18 at the time and she got me a fake ID. I went to work under the name of Vera Brockenhoff of of all names.

But that's where I met my first husband. My first husband was an actor, and he managed this little beer bar at night so he would have his days free for acting work. And I just worked there a couple of weeks before he realized I was underage. And one night when we were closing the bar, he said to me, well, how about you just come home with me? We've been having this sexual tension going on for quite a while. You know what I'm talking about. And I said, oh, that sounds like a good idea.

And I was in the lifeguards car. So that night when we closed the bar, I, I just put the keys under the seat of the the lifeguards car and I left with the actor. I never went back to that boat for a toothbrush or a stick of clothes. You know, I'm starting to paint a picture of a real sick individual here, aren't I?

But I was always going where the grass was greener

and so I moved in with this actor and and we had a very stormy relationship. The relationship I had with him was he was like the disapproving father and I was the rebellious daughter. It was just a real tough situation

during my relationship with him. We would have fights and on one particular fight, I, I moved to Hawaii for a year

that the lifeguard was in Hawaii at the time. Once again, the grass was greener. So I, I went to Hawaii and on my return back to the States, the actor said to me, you know, in your absence, I've discovered I have a drinking problem and I've started going to Alcoholics Anonymous. And I would like you to go with me to an open meeting.

Now I knew there was something wrong with him because he would pick fights with me and then he would leave and he would drink and then he would sober up and come home sober. I didn't think drinking was the problem. I knew he was kind of crazy, but I didn't think it was drinking. But nonetheless, I went with him to a A. And I love the A, A meetings. I really love the A, A meetings

and we were getting pretty serious and we went to his sponsor and told him that we were thinking of getting married. And his sponsor said, well, that'll be fine.

But Susie, I think you need to join Alan on and I think you need to wait until he's sober a year and a half before you you tie the knot. So we agreed to that. And that's when I came to Al Anon. That was in 1969. And I don't tell you this to impress you or to depress you.

I, I think of myself as a classic slow learner. I learn about as fast as molasses flowing uphill on a cold January day. And I think that the role that I play is to just share with you all the things you shouldn't do. Because I, I tried them all. I was very hard headed. Very, very hard headed.

So Al Anon when I first came here, I didn't come because I had an alcoholic at home that that was a problem. I came here to get him. It was a requirement to get married to this man I I had to have. But Al Anon started to change me. This is the first place that I ever came where we talked about emotions. I like has been shared this weekend already. We did not share emotions in our home. So when I sat in a room and people talked about

love and feelings of hate and jealousy,

feelings of homicide, I love that stuff. I ate it up and, and I came to meetings, but I had two sets of friends. I had my program friends and then I had my rowdy friends. And guess which were my favorites? My rowdy friends. Good guess.

And at that time,

well, what happened was I I stayed in that marriage for four years and during that time I went to Al Anon meetings and he never drank. But it was not a healthy relationship. Like I said, I'm married because I needed someone to take care of me and by going to meetings I started to want something different for myself and I wanted a healthier relationship and he did not want that. So we decided to end our marriage.

But I have to tell you, I am forever grateful to that man because he is the one who brought me to this program. He is the one who taught me how to do laundry. He taught me how to get a job and keep a job. He taught me how to boil water. You know, a lot of the things I didn't know how to do. And he is still sober in the San Fernando Valley after all these years. And so I always wish him well.

So with my rowdy friends, what I did my best friend work for travel agency,

an exclusive travel agency and we flew all over the world and I had a grand life at that time. I started getting better and better jobs. I started dating and I was a surprise to me that men liked me and I just was having a wonderful time for the first maybe couple of years and then I realized I wanted to couple again. And so I

once again, this is on a subconscious level, I had to find somebody sick enough for me because.

There were a lot of people, guys that I were dating that I found to be extremely boring. If you went to work and you showed up on time to take me for a date and and you were applied to me, I didn't really care for you.

So I was living with a girlfriend and one morning I woke up and I heard voices in the kitchen. And as I walked down the the the hallway to the kitchen, it was as if there was a golden aura

coming from the kitchen. And as I walked in there at the kitchen table, there was a man sitting at the table who he had the worst hangover I've ever seen in my life. And he had bloodshot eyes. And I just fell instantly and hopelessly in love.

Alcoholics are very charming and I am very susceptible to that kind of charm. I get myself in trouble with that again and again and again.

And this was no exception. This guy, I went to my sponsor at the time and I told her that I was dating this guy and that we were having some problems. And she said to me, you know, Susie, we don't give advice in Al Anon, but in your case, I'm going to make an exception.

You need to start going to Al Anon every day. And I'd like to see you break up with this guy because he's really bad news. So I thought about that for 10 seconds. And what I did was I dropped out of Al Anon and I got rid of her because I had to have him. And I did marry him. We were married. We The first six weeks were wonderful and the rest was sheer hell.

I married a violent alcoholic of the worst kind. And

this is the relationship that really brought me to my knees

because I love the man or I thought I loved the man And what I started doing for him from the very beginning was I started filling his needs.

Somewhere along the line, I figured out that love didn't last, but if you needed me, you would keep me around. So I started filling in the blanks for him. If he had a work problem, I helped him get a job. If he had a social problem, I helped him make friends. If he had a sex problem, I helped him with that. You know, and, and what always happened to me in relationships, I was always doing for you. And then I would reach this point in the relationship where I

realize I'm doing everything. I'm working, I'm cleaning the house, I'm paying the bills, I'm mowing the grass, I'm doing all of this and you're on the sofa watching TV. And it was a situation I had created, you know, but that's the kind of thing that I did in relationships because I had absolutely no self worth at all. And this was no exception.

There was physical violence, like I said, in this relationship and it started happening on a regular basis. And I'm not going to bore you with that,

but the fact that I stand before you and tell you that I stood in this relationship and I allowed myself to be, to be beat up, it's the hardest thing for me to tell you. It's very embarrassing for me because the person I am today, let me tell you, don't even try.

I am deadly

but back then I I really I felt it was my due. He told me everything was my fault and I believed him.

But after the physical violence started and, and I guess on some

level I have to be grateful for that because it, it really escalated that the disease escalated. Now, I wasn't going to al Anon on a regular basis, but I was going every six months whether I needed to or not. And, and I was reading every article I could in Good Housekeeping and Reader's Digest and just trying to do everything I possibly could until it just got so obvious that things weren't getting better. I called my old sponsor. I told her I was having a few problems

and that I like to come back and within a short period of time of going back to meetings I told him that if he ever hit me again that I would leave. And to make a Long story short,

it wasn't a couple of weeks later, there was an altercation and where he tore up the house and I had to leave. And through a series of events, that marriage did end. But this is the time that I made the surrender to Al Anon. There is a priest, an alcoholic synonymous in in California, which is where I'm from,

who talks about surrender is when you become willing to do it someone elses way. And I had never been able, I've never been willing to do that. I had always been running the show my own way. And at this point I had to accept that my very best thinking had gotten me to the end of this very sick relationship. And so I started doing what my sponsor suggested and that is when I started getting really active.

The only way that I can tell you

that I made this big change in my life is through the steps. I wish I could tell you there was another easier way. But folks, my message to you today is if you don't work the steps, you will not be getting a lot better. The steps really were the key. I, I come from big step country and we believe in the steps. You know, if you whine about the same problem two or three times, we ask you what step you're on. You know,

it just is the way It worked for me too.

And I took my 4th step for I was so afraid of that fourth step because I had this little black bag of fruits that I wasn't going to tell anybody. I thought that the steps went 1234, you know, because that's how big the 4th step was for me. And, and fortunately, God sent me this lady who really was very gentle and kind with me and I took my 4th and 5th with her and it set me free. It really set me free.

This is also the time that I found God. I had been raised in a religion,

a fire and brimstone that I had rejected at an early age. And when I came to Al Anon initially and you would talk about God or the Lord, or occasionally somebody would slip and say Jesus, the hair would stand up on the back of my neck. I just rejected all of that. And the truth was I, I was very fearful of that whole thing. I thought that

God was a distant possibility for me. I thought it was something that you learned in the 4th grade. That day I was absent. I didn't get it. I just didn't get it. And my sponsor told me, Susie, why don't you try just getting on your knees and praying, whether you believe it or not, get on your knees and ask for help and ask God to, to bring the faith into your your life. And I started doing that and I couldn't believe it.

It happened. For me. It was it was a real miracle.

At that time, I was going through the second divorce, which was very painful. And I found a little church

that I was comfortable in in Redondo Beach. And I would go there and I would sit in the center of the sanctuary. There was a beam of light. It was kind of a domed like a cone shape. And there was a beam of light that came right down the center. And I would go to that church and I would sit right in the center of that beam of light. And for that period of time, it was that hour, once it once a week that I just felt OK there. And

my belief in a higher power was a wonderful change in my life.

I believe that God is too much of A gentleman to come into a life where he isn't wanted. And I didn't want him, so he didn't bother me. And when I said please, I need your help, it was as if I had been standing on the dime and all I had to do was lift my foot. And there it was. And it has been with me ever since.

I got involved in every convention in Los Angeles. I was involved in World Service, I was involved in intergroup, intergroup in California. And Los Angeles is a very big deal.

I was involved in the group level. I sponsored a lot of people. I had a sponsor. I just was very involved. And if you're going through a rough time, I've got to tell you, service work is really the answer for me. What happens is I'm a very analytical person.

When I'm going through some something painful, I think about it and I think about it and I think about it until I'm crazy. And anytime I can get busy doing something else, then God has the power to start healing my life. I get new information and the next thing you know, I'm at the next level. And it was pretty much effortless to how the problem got fixed. And I've proven this to myself time and time and time again. And even today my husband tells me I have

problem. I'm always working on it. As a matter of fact, you know, I'm in the programs in nine since 1969. So I'm in the program 3435 years. I'm not impressed with longevity in the program. I'm really not because I know how my own process was very slow and sick. What I am impressed with is people who have quality program people. And, and this is how I define that I, I'm a born researcher and I watch you people and I watch your behavior,

people who the program is really working in their life. We become softer and gentle and we become kinder people. We become very charitable, meaning that we don't have to be in the spotlight all the time, that we're willing to share that. And I watch those qualities and people, those are the kind of people that I want to be like when I grow up. I always had an ego problem. And hopefully it's a lot, lot less

anyway. So I once again, that's my pitch for service. It's always worked for me

and I'm still in service to this day. And as far as working the program, I, I was sharing with some ladies back at the literature table today that every time I go back through the steps and, and I do this quite often, I, I have another breakthrough experience. It it's all about getting in here and figuring out who Susie is because I was always looking for Mr. Right and Mr. Wright would have never been attracted to this sick girl.

And I learned from you people that if I use the program and work the steps, and I started changing Suzie,

which is where I have the power to change, I become attractive to a healthier sort of man.

That isn't rocket science. But but I couldn't get it. I could not get that. But I've now proven that that is true. I had been at that time, you know, I was going through divorce and very active in the program. And I went to my sponsor and I said, you're not going to believe this, but I'm getting lonely and I'd like to start dating. And she said, Oh my God, she goes, you are attracted to Alcoholics. Why don't we do this? Why don't you start with a sober alcoholic?

And so she fixed me up with a guy in Alcoholics Anonymous

who'd been sober at 9 years at that time and it was a blind date. I had never laid eyes on him before. And that he called me up and set the date for Saturday night. That Saturday night the doorbell rang. I opened the door. Never seen him before. He puts out his hand, he says, hi, I'm Bill White. And I don't screw on the first date.

And we didn't.

But Bill, Bill and I became friends way before we became anything more. And my relationship with him was very different. Bill and I, we did a lot of fun things. We went to conventions, we went to plays, and we could talk about God. All those things you can't talk about in bars with the nuclear physicist, you know.

And,

and so we started having this wonderful relationship.

Like I said, we went to a lot of conferences. We went to to Europe, to conferences, to Hawaii, to Canada. We traveled a lot. And one weekend we were coming home from the San Diego convention and he asked me if I didn't think it would be a good idea if we got married.

Now this is #3 see. And I'm, I'm thinking to myself, Oh my God, if I already knew about myself, if you were alcoholic and I liked you, we were both in a lot of trouble. So at that time, I thought it would have been an easier, softer wave. I just opened the door and throw myself on the freeway. We'll get it over fast. But my relationship with Bill was different. I wasn't hiding anything about him. My sponsor knew him. He was a well respected member of the Pacific Group of Alcoholics Anonymous in California.

I'm sure many of you have heard of that group. And, and we decided to get married and it was the best decision I had ever made because Bill never used his hands to to hurt me. He used his hands to love me. He never called me four letter words. He was a truly wonderful, wonderful person. And

I also like to say that I really felt like Bill was the first person who truly loved me just for who I was.

And that meant a lot to me. For those of you, you know, we're always trying to get people to, to like you and you're trying to fix some of your warts so you'd be acceptable.

So anyway, Bill and I were married for almost 18 years before he died. He was a little bit older than I was, but he he contracted a terminal cancer and

and and he died. How long am I talking here? Tell me when I'm supposed to end.

20 minutes, OK.

And prior to his dying,

when we first found out, my employer allowed me to go home and be with him in the end. And so

I got to be with Bill the last seven months he was alive. I went home to take care of him because he too, like AJ's wife, he wanted to die at home. And so I was so glad that I was able to give that to him.

And just like AJ said, there were some wonderful times that came from that. We really got close during that time and

I all I can say is that I'm just so grateful that I was married to that man because it was the first healthy, quality relationship I'd ever had in my life. And when he died, I took it really hard. Now, obviously at this point in my Al Anon career,

I was a very strong individual.

I, I try to be a really nice person most of the time, but I have this ability because of the years I lived with active alcoholism. I have all this guerrilla stuff that can come out it at any given time and I can sure scare you. Let me tell you, I can scare. I can be a scary person. But but I got to tell you, Bill's death really kicked my butt. I was totally unprepared for that. And for the the year

and 1/2 after he died, I was functioning. I was going to meetings, I was going to work. I was doing a lot of things that I was supposed to be doing, but it was as if the the, the container that held joy had a big hole in the bottom. Nothing made me happy. I just couldn't get happy. I was very, very sad because he had been such a fine partner

and but I'm here to tell you how the Al Anon program helped me through that. Wouldn't you know it that my sponsor at the time, her husband had died like two years before.

So she was there for me day and night. I could call her anytime. There were people that were very gentle because

when you've never been through it before, as a matter of fact, I had another friend whose husband had died. This is when Bill was still living and we would go away places and she was always dragging around. And this was like 6-8 months after he died. And I never said anything. But deep down I saw Mike. Doesn't she just get over this? And let me tell you folks, you can't get over it.

You got to know that if anybody wanted to get over, it was me because I'm not a sad drag around type person, but I was just shuffling everywhere. It really got to me.

So

what happened was

I got a phone call

from an old boss I used to have 1988. I had a boss that I really liked a lot. He, he was just a nice guy and unusual as it may seem, he respected women. And a lot of times we were in meetings and I would make suggestions. He would, he would implement my suggestions. And I had a really good working relationship with him and and he and I, he was married and I was married and

at different times I would need a letter of recommendation or he would need something from me. And so we just

would talk occasionally do the the end like the last 10 years of my marriage before Bill died. And so after he heard Bill died, he called to offer condolences. And he said, by the way, I'm living in Tennessee now. I've been living in Tennessee for like 6 years. He said that I've recently gone through a divorce. He said when I come to California the next time, how about that we would meet for lunch.

And at this time, you know, I'm still not right with my widowhood. And I said, you know, I'm really not ready to date. Thank you very much,

he said. Look, I I didn't ask you to go to bed with me. I just asked you for lunch.

And he always did make me laugh. And so it's with great pleasure my pride and joy. Tom, would you please stand up?

So I can now say I sleep with the boss.

So Tom and I every time you would come to California we would get together and we always had a good time. And to make a Long story short, we fell in love and in 2002 I I became a bride again. We got married. I'm married for the 4th time. But Tom is not alcoholic. Tom is a normie

now. My sponsor tells me that people like me do not choose normal people, so we're watching them real close.

But the one reason that I identify with Gloria, I've been married to Alcoholics for years and they were always sober. And so I never drank for years and years and years I didn't drink. Well, now that I'm married to a Norman normie, I take the occasional cocktail. And when Gloria talked about Brandy, Brandy is my drink of choice today. So you know, we laugh about that. My husband always laughs that I'm a little Brandy lush, but I don't drink that much so.

But my life today is really wonderful and a lot of things have happened to me. My dad, I worked for my dad for many years. My father was a very successful businessman in California, and I work for him and he compensated me very well. There were a lot of perks. There were cars and free lunches and big bonuses. But I reached a point in that employee employment that I had to leave because my dad was a dishonest businessman.

And probably the last place I turned my program was on my father because he was always so special to me.

And

I left his employee and was just a, you know, and I was able to say, you know, dad, thank you for the job. It's been wonderful, but I need to move on. I didn't have to blame him, but it was it was important for me to do it. I needed to be on my own and not under my dad's wing. But after that, he he also got cancer. And, and when my dad got real sick, I realized that it was going to be a matter of time before he was going to die.

And I made a decision that I was just going to be the best daughter that I could be. And, and I thank you people for that because for the years and years and years, I tried to solve problems for other people. You know, I look at this, this kind of reminds me of the Coast Guard. I always thought that someone like me who was such a savior, I should have worked for the Coast Guard

saving lives and turn a character defect into an asset as being has been shared before. But I learned that I could not cure cancer, that there was probably no doctor in the whole world that could have saved my father's life. But what I could do was to be a loving daughter. And so I gave my father the gift of myself in in the last year he was alive and I went to the hospital to visit him on a daily basis when he was in the hospital.

And when my dad died, I lost my oldest sweetheart

and, and I've lost a lot of people. For all the marriages I've had, I never had any children. I guess God, in his infinite wisdom knew I would not make a good mother. And I certainly couldn't find a good father until now. And Tom's three sons are all grown and married. So I don't, I think it's a little late in the game now,