The C.A.H. group in Euclid, OH

We grace God. Alcoholics Anonymous. So I've enjoyed 34 years of sobriety

and I'm not saying that to impress you because if you do what your sponsors tell you and embrace the a a program and practice those call steps to the best of your ability and trust God, you know the Sky's the limit of what you can accomplish.

Join me by Shirley Fair Please God grant me the story.

The curve has changed the things I can, and the wisdom is another difference

that came to Alcoholics Anonymous, like I said some 34 years ago because I wasn't welcome anywhere else,

and I can honestly tell you that.

And today it's a little different

family that depends on me and I enjoy being around

and, and you know, like what I was saying is there's just no. It's amazing the people you meet in this program, how they get involved in your life if you if you let it. And

a lot of the things I became, I wasn't raised to be. I come from a good family. We all, you know, give it a lot of those leads.

My dad was over 10 years when he passed away, so I knew the difference between a drunk father and a sober father. He's a member of the Newburgh Group.

And what I was going to do it differently. I was going to be all right. And not only did I become a drunk like him, I became a worst cop. And

I don't know if alcoholism is a family disease other than it affects my wife. When I drank in my rest of my, I don't know if it passed on generation generation, but there's enough proof of my family that none of us should have drank from after we got out of the womb. But I don't think that's why I became an alcoholic. I didn't become an alcoholic because my dad was a drunk or my uncles are drunks. I became drunk because I drank too much too often.

You know, The other stuff is irrelevant to me.

I graduated near the top of my class in industrial arts, top my class John Marshall High School and I chose printing as my trade and I was going to be the best precedent in the city of Cleveland. That was my goal. I had goals back then and I strive towards that goal of first year that I worked in the apprenticeship and I never miss a day for work and I was never late.

I got drafted into the service and the ACT I brought home nobody recognized. And again, I would have became, you know what it happened to me, whether I was in the Army,

the weather, went to college or whether I would have continued that apprenticeship. I was well on my way to coming to talk long before I met the service. I served two years and I come home

and it's great for minor and I was able to get out with a honorable discharge. And but my my drinking, my drinking had changed. My attitude had changed and none of my friends and none of the relatives recognized that act. And if we didn't get any better from that day on,

I went from somebody that was they were looking for for me to come back from the service to work for him. There's somebody to end up firing About three years later,

I got here, I got back in the GI Bill. I was making a lot of money because they made-up the difference between your previous wages and journeyman wages and as long as you're going to legitimate school. So I went from having almost no money to have the pocket ball and

and I did save any of it. I was thinking every night

and the problems are starting to happen. I'm starting to get trouble and

not accepting my responsibilities on the job and having trouble getting to work. And so I thought the best thing I could do is sign up for study midnights. That way I can drink all day and drink all night and go to work. But around, you know, 9:00 the the the Taverns of the lights. Are you starting to get them in About 10:00 the

the girls would come in the music sites, playing in some of the Irish jokes. We hung around it and it became almost impossible. Sometimes we need to go to work

and like I said, I went from a guy with a lot of potential to guide at lost his job. I put my union in a position where they couldn't protect me and I was going to do that for many, many times over the next few years, putting myself in positions where people couldn't help me, whether it be relatives or friends or my union.

I, I was consumed with drinking everything I did revolve around drinking. And

you know, I start off by every night that it was going to be a good time. And most of the time towards the end, especially if there wasn't too many good times left,

progressively got worse. And

I'm living in a cesspool and I'm constantly in trouble now. And first time I got arrested and I ended up in the workhouse 30 days out in Lawrenceville and I got counseling on alcoholism for the first time out there. John Mickley, a long time member of the Angle, was a

was the counselor out there and he was going to talk to me about my alcoholism and I told him I was too young. I played sports, I chased women and I received I didn't have enough time to be one of the Alcoholics. And you know, I'll just do this 30 day stand in my head

and I did the 30 days and I left and the boss where I before this happened on there's a lot more other trouble. I mean, I after I got fired from that, that burning job, I ended up couldn't pay the rent. So they changed the locks on my partner and I ended up in the streets for over a year. I know what it is

to be a bomb in the streets. My mother told me to stay away from the family because I was like a cancer

and it was a toughest thing for her to do to tell her older son that, you know, to hit the bricks that she was trying to raise the rest of my brothers and sisters, my brother and sisters. So, you know, I lost that family and it's over a year and a half before I went back to see my mother. And that was,

there was a five year stretch where I didn't see any of my family. So alcohol was robbing me a lot of the things all along. But I, you know, it wasn't enough of a price to keep me from drinking. So, and then the trouble with the law started. And, you know, once you serve one term in the workouts, if you stood on the ground and get arrested, you're going back out there. And that was no different. I, I ended up with two, two more stays out there for 30 days and one for 90.

And the company that I was employed by

still in a printing trade was he was getting tired of my, my ACT. But during that period of time is very busy. So I got away with a lot more than I normally would have and

he'd come out every time I ended up in that workout, she'd come out and leave a couple bucks in the commissary and tell me this is it. You're going to get fired if you get in trouble again. And after the 90 day stay, he come out and he said this is absolutely the last time. And I was a $15 a week playing paying back all this money because he used to bail me out of jail. He sent a certified check to this, you know, to the to the jail or taking out to the city of Cleveland wherever was arrested. And but he put it in my name and then I signed over.

So I owed a lot of money, you know, to him. I was under $15 a week plan. So I, he talked to me one day. He says, you know, you got to be more responsible and, and come to work every day. So I took that to me. Well, maybe if I got married, that would be all right. You know, I'd get married and that's good enough responsibility. I go to work every day. And so I took this lovely woman out on a Sunday night and took her out on a Monday night.

I proposed her on a Tuesday night at the AA Barn, 1950 Dennison and nothing but the, you know, high class places.

And to my surprise, I guess she said yes, I have this is I pieced this together over the years after we were married because I had no very little recollection in that two week period. I was on a two week wine vendor and now it's alright for me to do something. We got married the following Thursday and the only reason why we waited a week was because you had to have blood tests back then and and you know,

it was a week waiting period on that. So the following Thursday we did get married by Mayor Perk and

that was 36 years ago this past October.

Best thing that I ever did, but the worst thing she she could ever. You know, I'm a drunk so I had an excuse for that kind of actions, but my wife didn't she her big man night out of town is 1/2 a glass of Chablis and you know, the independent dinner. It was no different back then either. So I thought and I still think, you know, if there isn't

misunderstanding,

it's all her fault because I didn't know what I was doing. I got in a relationship anyway ahead of the office. So but I I destroyed that relationship with my wife six, You know, she looked at me with a a rookie lover, respected her eyes that I cherished because like I said, it's been so long since anybody looked at me with love and respect in their eyes. You know, everybody kind of either

was not committal in their looks, you know, you get the blank stares or you know, they just didn't like you at all. They just walked away. So that's, that's what I was used to, but she was different. I'm not going to get up here and tell you that I love my wife because I didn't know what love was back then. I really did. And it wasn't until we had the two girls, you know, I, I, I learned from my daughter's love, but Love Is All about.

But I know she was special. She just said, you know, the part of that brain with common sense was missing from because otherwise she wouldn't have married me. And, but I destroyed that look to the look that, you know, when you look at someone's eyes and, and it's just like a blank stare. And I did that in six short months. She didn't know when I was coming home, if I was coming home,

who was following me or who I thought was following me. I had all kinds of problems

and I dragged her into my cesspool and her friends and her family and it didn't get any better.

So we thought, well, maybe if we had a kid, that'd help shut me out, you know, a little more responsibility. And we had a daughter, Kelly, and that didn't do it. But, you know, I, I had two women at home and and I'm still not, you know, old enough to be in a father or husband. I'm doing everything that I always did

and and not with good success either. So, but she put up with that and she got pregnant with her second child and things are really getting bad

again. You know, what a surprise, the dressing of the, the drunkenness and the trouble kept getting worse every time I got in trouble. And I got fired from that job with the with the printers. And like I told you, I put my union in a position where they couldn't help me and

umm,

about two weeks later to something like that, I got hired by Ford Motor and I got fired there too. So, so you know that I was in had all kinds of problems When you get fired by Ford Motors, it was during that period of time that I had my last bit of problems to start off to be a good time, like every other time I went out and got drunk. We won a championship on the softball team I played on.

And

as it turned out, like every, every time we played a championship game and

celebrated that night, I ended up in jail. And you know, that night was no exception. But this time when I started coming around within the door, the, the jail doors locked and it wasn't a gun tank. I was in a locked cell and a super like forever before they told me what, what kind of trouble I was in. And, and I went through all that business that the criminals go through with bond reduction hearings and, and the like of that.

And

I made a decision

that maybe I shouldn't drink, not even beer anymore. And again, some of those three times I was in the workhouse and I got counseled by Nicola. Some of the stuff he was telling me during that period of time started to make some sense.

A a lot different than the workhouse that was in the old county jail was you're you're stuck in that cell and there's no moving out. You know, like, like in the workhouse, you know, you had a little job you did outside of the of the dormitory and but when and that lock up, you didn't, you didn't move out of the cell, only go to the daily room and back after a couple hours.

I had a whole lot of time to think and that's when I came to that decision. I shared that with my wife and she thought that was a real good idea and she got a hold of a friend of mine whose dad was in a a for a long time and and he told my wife that I can't help him. He's too close to the family,

but there's a guy named Eddie Sullivan. And Eddie, he works with Losers like your husband.

And

you have to be a loser before you work, you know, work with you on the program.

Eddie was sober about 32 years. He was 72 years old. He was retired. And he just loved Alcoholics Anonymous. And he came to that county jail to

she had drunk and talked to a drunk share a story He told me about vital gangs. I was in battle gangs. He told me about loss of jobs. I lost jobs. He told me about losing his family. I lost family. He told me about, you know, financially and spiritually bankrupt.

There was no doubt that I was there. And they told me how good this Alcoholics Anonymous was, how he's able to get sober, hold a job at the city of Cleveland, retire, have a nice house in the West Park area. It was, you know, I paid it off and went on trips with his family, all these material things. He talked about the stuff that I wanted for myself and my, my, my family.

So

he told me that if you're serious about Spain sober, give me a call and get out of here.

If I didn't want to go to a, a meetings, I should have never called Sullivan because the typical week was and this was this for eight straight months. This is our, our, our meeting schedule. Monday morning was the Monday morning 12 step group in Lakewood. Monday night was Lorraine. Monday Tuesday morning was at 41250. Wednesday morning was the West side of the

the Chevy group, you know Wednesday night young people's Thursday morning was the West side morning group and the angle Thursday night. Friday morning we go to Harvard Broadway Club from 10:30 in the morning meeting there. And at Friday night we went to West Clifton.

Saturday you let me spend time with my two daughters and now we got a little girl another one. And so I spent time with the the women of my life. And on Saturday during the day and Saturday night was date night. We take our wives to Madison Saturday and then stop for a sandwich and go to the midnight group. And then Sunday Sullivan had to have it. You know, he got excited to talk about a a his hands ago 500 miles an hour

hands grind Sunday because we throw the 1:00 folk group and then we have just enough time to get to the Kaiser group that was just starting at 4:00 up in pharma. Then we go to the artful discussion group, which is on Lower Detroit stop for a quick sandwich and we and then we go to the Army at 9:00. And we did it every day, every week, every month for each straight months. I can't sponsor like that. I couldn't sponsor anybody like that,

but that's what we did. And we come in a, a group of a group of people like this and any of those meetings and you know, you shake hands when you come in and everybody's happy and smiling.

I didn't trust any years. I thought she was phonies. There's no way in hell anybody could be that happy, especially a whole bunch of years. I didn't know what your game was, but I was going to figure it out before I before I took a powder or whatever. And

the only guy I knew was from the real was Sullivan. Sullivan because I spent a 22 hours a day with him and I knew he was screwed up there in the 8 month period. If if he wasn't for real,

I know I today why I couldn't trust anybody the Sullivan and the reason was I couldn't trust myself. I was incapable of that brutal honesty. You need to really get into the steps about products and honors and, you know, to reach some of the benefits and, and you know, to, and the ability to dedicate yourself to this program. And, you know, it's not an easy thing to do.

And I, the results were in my, my gut, because I'm walking around

with a ball of fear and anxiety in the in the pit of my stomach. And I don't know why. It's like a football just churning and churning. And I'm not happy. You know, my poor wife, I'm sober now and she still isn't doing things right. She changes the baby's diapers too much, not enough, you know, she did yesterday's dishes too many times. And I was kind enough to let her know what her shortcomings were. And but again, she,

all that she cared about was her husband, Silver. And even though I was staying out till 234 in the morning and I was coming home sober and I had to do get sober away. I got sober because, you know, I, my hours were slowly. I never went to bed before 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. Then I get up and go to work and we should come out here when the club was over on the other side

and shoot bowl

couple guys, Steve, my shopping by 7 guys and you hung around with. We used to come out here and shoot forward, you know, because it's open all night at that time. And

so, but if we were doing sober things and

so, and my wife didn't mind because I was coming home so and she didn't have to worry about me, you know, getting in trouble. So

thanks progressed and, and I'm, I'm just beside myself because I'm not happy. And, you know, I heard it described once as having a, a belly fold here and a head full a, a Well, I didn't have a belly full of beer, but you know, I, I, you know, I had a head full of a, A and I don't know why the painting's going away. Everybody else is happy.

And then I started going to a 12 step discussion group that, you know, that they went to, they worked with the 12:00 and 12:00.

And it wasn't until I did that, that I, I started, you know, to embrace this program. And, and you know, there was guys at the angle that took me under their wing and I, I had this bruise right here in the, you know, right in my chest. And because from them putting their finger in my chest coming with a creep, I was, but they didn't use that nice a language to me. And they kept exposing me for what I was. I didn't have that capability to, you know, to brutal honesty like it talked about.

So they were more than happy to let me know what my shortcomings work, but they also were telling me how to change that. And

even though I didn't read a big book at that time, I was seen it in action every day when I was hanging around those guys, you know, they, they welcome me and their families. They, you know, we did everything. We played softball, we played about a, a bowling league. We did everything

and that's how I learned about what any of it was all about. And then when I finally did get those steps, the 1st and 2nd step, the first step was easy because I knew I was crazy and I couldn't guarantee my actions if I drank.

So the first one was easy to think I was, they say silver on their first step for a while. Second and third step were tough for me because I had no relationship with God and I just knew that at the end I was going to pay the price. So I might as well have a good time until, you know, the end came. And it was the example of those counties not at the angle that that helped me get past that. And they convinced me that God wasn't a punishing God because that was really the issue.

Because I, like I said, I thought I was going to hell anyway, so I might so just enjoy myself.

But it was their example and the way they lived their lives that enabled me to see, you know, that without a God in your life, you know, you know, if you're wasting your time here, you're not going to reap the full benefit of being here. And so I was able to go on to the second and third step and the 4th and 3rd step did what it was supposed to do for me. And it kind of freed me from all that stuff that my past. And you know, the deeper I got in the program,

the more that that falls here in anxiety. And I'm putting my stomach started falling away.

And you know, today if that volunteering anxiety starts coming back into my stomach again because you get something I'm doing wrong. And today I got the 12 steps and people that I hang around with to help keep me straight. And again, you know, if I make the corrections, it's not there anymore. So I'm the guy that puts it there and I'm the guy that can take it away through this program. And with the people I hang around with,

what a what a blessing that is. They have something to fall back on, you know, something that we can keep continually, continually feeling good about ourselves.

Just all we have to do is do default steps and practice those principles and all our affairs. You give it a good shot every day. Frame was another problem I had

and we were out of a football game. We were in the we went to a championship football games for the high schools and we stopped at a in ankle and we stopped halfway in the 76 restaurant. And a bunch of those guys from Yango, big tough guys are truck drivers. They're, you know, they're construction workers. And we're sitting in the middle of people like here in that restaurant and they were talking about loving another human being. They were talking about love of God,

trusting God, praying,

and that was just embarrassing the hell out of me. I was really embarrassed because, you know, only sissies and girls talked about God or, you know, and all this stuff and about loving another human being. You know, that's, that's how it worked. I still was

and again, their example helped me get over that hump because I'm telling you, these guys are tough guys. I really looked up to them and he they taught me to real men care about other human beings. They have their families, they pray to God for helping the morning and they thank them at night. And there was nothing non masculine about that. And again, if they got for their example, because if they would have sat down and told me to read the book instead of, you know, really pushing me to do the things

should be doing, I don't think I'd be here today. So, and because they're pretty tough guys, I listen to them because, you know, I'm not going to get beat up over, you know, something small like changing my life. So, but it was it was a good experience. And, and as as time progressed, I started feeling better and that transferred to the home and my wife's happy and she's got that love looking love and respect in her eyes again.

And we're second to do things. My girls are out of diapers, you know, their house broke down. And so I take them everywhere with you. And I was gonna take shifts on jobs that I had where I was laid off a lot because of the economy. And so I spent a lot of time with them, and

by the time that they hit about 12 years old and 11 years old, it wasn't cool hanging around with dad. So my wife had one of those Immaculate conceptions and you know, Pat Junior was born

and,

and about the time she had him house broke was when the transition happened and he started hanging around. And we go on weekend trips. Like I said, it's rotating shifts. So I did a long weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and a Monday. And I called my wife at work and I tell her, I said I've got Pat and we're going to West Virginia, we're going to play some golf or I take him into Pennsylvania. We hit the ball around

and that was only about 5 years old if you went in school yet, so he wasn't quite 5 and I had some cut down gloves for him and and we go play golf out of town in state of hotel and you know, got the biggest kick out of it.

And as he got older, he played every sporting on the man and I was able to be there and enjoy that. I wouldn't have been there hadn't been for this program. You know, I would have met the same faith that a lot of guys and ladies that don't pay attention when they're here, you know, meet. And so a, a literally gave me back my my family and I was able to be the father that I should have been and I was able to be the husband again that

she married.

I

jobs were many. I know I put a lot of this jobs out of business, a lot of companies out of business. I, you know, I worked for four city foundries. I worked for

a couple of small steel companies and they all went belly up and they got a job in Republic Steel. They went bottle belly up. And so I had to be real flexible in my ability to work. But whatever it took to to support the family, if I had to work two jobs to make a 7 bucks an hour, I did two jobs working 7 bucks an hour. And I still went to meetings. I still spent time with my family

and I still enjoyed the baseball games of the softball games in the bowling and all that really stuff. I just, you know, cut down and sleep a little bit. Whatever it took, you know, to keep going. That's what we did. My wife went back to work and earlier period and our sobriety, my sobriety and she told me she'd come back to work and we're going to build our life stick by step, you know, and we did. And something we're very proud of us, both of us,

you know,

we started off with early Stella Myers furniture when our friends had French provincial and early American or whatever ours is early Stalin Myers. And, you know, through hard work and, and not drinking and, you know, we're a buyer first house and we ever then sell that house and buy another one. You know, all these things that someone was telling me about, you know, whoever step up to better housing here and there. And,

and then I took a test for

truck driver job with the city, my helper driver with the power company and I scored #3 on the test and got hired. And I wasn't going to get involved in union crap anymore. Nothing, no more apprenticeships. But I'm just going to drive that truck everyday, go to work everyday. And that's all I was going to do because I had it with dad and, and you know, so I'd be working that straight day shift. I'll be just fine. And I

don't know how, you know, when opportunities present themselves to Alcoholics that are sovereign,

We seem to be. It's almost in here that we have to go and take advantage of that

and so I did. I ended up taking an apprenticeship and I ended up financial secretary for the local for 18 years.

I didn't want those responsibilities, you know, when I started there. But you know, things happen. And then as kids got older, they were in grade school and I was treasurer of the Athletic Association of Saint Thomas Warfare, 18 or 20 years, something like that. I was also president of PTU and my girls were there. So you can understand how better shape that Saint Thomas Moore was when I ended up president of PTU. So, but

I try to stay involved with the things that were happening with my children and and accepting some of those responsibilities that I used to work for over the years.

Then I was asked to take over a program of the city in

employee assistance program and so I run a manager of 40 systems program for 7000 city employees. I've been done these things if it wasn't for sobriety and a a, that's some of the stuff that I was able to accomplish just by not drinking and doing what I was told. Some of the coupons I cut out was walking both girls down the aisle and marriage,

being in the neighborhood when they had their children.

You know, we've got a vote granddaughter that's five, she's a kindergarten and we got a 2 year old that hangs around and up here on Euclid.

What a gift. And another thing was because of what happened during my sobriety, my second oldest daughter, he always had one that takes after you. My daughter Katie is the one that takes after me and she's been silver 7 1/2 years now or almost eight years, something like that.

But she felt that there's a comfort level for her coming in this program because all the time she spent with me down Stella Mars. And so she had a ace, you know, her whole life hanging around the house, going to EA functions, you know, drag the family to the functions. So it was really easy for her to accept this way, you know, the the people because she's been around them all the way. It was tougher to get sober, but

made it easier that she had been part of this for so many years. That was another coupon. You know,

my son, when he was in the 5th grade, he wrote a letter or they were asked to, you know, they did a autobiography and the course of the year and each chapter was different. One of the chapters was

who did who had the most influence in their life and and that they looked up to. And well, most of the guys in his class wrote about Bernie Kosar,

you know, Albert Bell and and stuff like that. The sports figures and her, him and his buddy Louie wrote about their dance. And you know, like he was like in the 5th grade, what was that, 11 or 12, whatever they are. And I was surprised the inside he had, he wrote about his dad being proud of his dad because he helped other people even at that young age, he seemed to realize that it was an important thing to do. And he's very proud about that.

And I still got that piece of paper, that part, you know,

biography,

you know, I cherish that like I cherished what a bar of gold because, you know, you can't buy that. You know,

I have to be is around. And that's what I was. I was wrong. I wasn't part of the problem. I said part of the solution, you know, after I sold it off. What a blessing that is.

I know the feeling of degradation. I know what it is to run in doorways when I was on the streets for that, that over that year being too embarrassed to, to look my friends in the eyes. I, I, I know that. And I said and I, I can feel that how bad I felt to this day, you know, I remember it like it was yesterday.

And I also know that today I don't have to be that way because the most important gift that I got from Alcoholics Anonymous, it stays over was myself respect. And not, you know, without that we're nothing. And so there's a lot of good things have happened. And I know as soon as I'm standing here today that the only thing that would take away the self respect that I have today

is A5 oz 5/8 ounce of whiskey and a bottom of beer. And it'll be gone

just like that. And I know if I keep hanging around with people like you and practicing those 12 steps, the best of my ability and trust in God

and you know I won't have to deal with that.

Our Father.