The International Group of Stockholm's "12-Step Workshop Weekend" in Stockholm, Sweden

Since I recorded from it like a hot flame, it's almost like, Oh no thank you. I'm not running from bars and clubs and freaking out. I see alcohol go. Oh my God, you get a drink. Oh, I'm just like, no,

doesn't play a role anymore. Alcohol is no longer the solution.

I'm no longer restless, irritable and discontent.

I don't need relief. I have it. I am it

Tony, relieve relief from what I am comfortable in my own skin. My head is not out to get me. I'm chilling,

chilling coat is all good, and it gets better because it says it's a lifelong thing. I continue to practice this and it gets better and better and better.

No big deals

whatever man. You know how many joints I smoke trying to get there?

You know how long I was using everything possible to come to that real serene? Whatever, man,

that's all I ever wanted

be whatever. It's all good, you know,

I finally got it

and the steps better than any joint pill, drink or anything, better than anything. Whatever, man, it's all good. Even in the mistakes that I make, even in the Arizona don't get, even in the areas that I haven't been able to work on, it's OK,

more work to do. That's among Resolve stuff.

Oh my, what do you know? I thought we've worked on that. Perhaps not.

Yes,

but everything can be, you know,

cool all the time. Somebody dies. Really. Who says you?

That's not what tells me here.

That's all it tells me.

Yeah. Yeah,

because I

learning if I'm living life on life terms, people die and you know what? I get to grieve and nothing wrong with that.

So wrong with that. I'm sad, you die, I love you, I miss you. No big deals, man. I get to be sad, nothing wrong with that. See what I'm saying? That's not even a big deal. Or you die and I don't cry, that's not a big deal either. Obviously I'm not feeling like crying. You see, all of a sudden I got a different perspective on life.

Somebody is born. Wow, that's a beautiful thing. I get to embrace that experience. I have a job. I lose a job. I got money. I don't have money

relationship, no relationship. I started learning license session. Things happen and it is what it is. OK, I'm not alone. We get to go through this. Things I'm going to do gracefully, and there's some things I'm going to do pretty ugly, and that's okay too.

Yes,

grieve it and then move on.

No big deals. You know what? And I'm not trying to sound like all of a sudden I'm floating on a cloud. Don't become Buddha

sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. You know what I'm saying? It depends on the area, but it's all good. As long as I'm in movement, I'm in action, it's all good. Is when I'm not in action, I'm not in movement where it gets scary.

But in 10 it tells me that. It says it just comes. This is the miracle. I'm not fighting it. Neither am I avoiding temptation. We feel as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We have not even sworn off and said the problem has been removed. It doesn't exist for us. That's how we recovered. The problem is removed

doesn't exist for me. Does that mean I'm not an alcoholic? No,

I'm not tripping

now. And then when the thought comes, it goes, ooh, you should have a drink. I'll be like, where did that come from? Oh, you're still hanging out, Huh?

I thought you left, but you're still lurking around the corners. I'm not like, Oh my God, I got a drink. I'm not doing that.

Did I write it? Yes,

yeah, I didn't e-mail it. I didn't type it. I didn't put it on a tape. It says rewrite it with a pen and a paper,

and then I write an inventory. And then I ask

your defects. Is that the direction your sponsor gave you? Yeah. Do what your sponsor tell you to do.

So right, I didn't find it. Yeah, it says to write it down. We all, we put this all down on paper,

go back to it and where it says about the inventories is we all put this down on paper. We put this down on paper

on a daily basis. You're doing a 10th on a daily basis

and 11:00,

1011 and 10, I'm not writing and 10 I'm having an experience. People get those a little confused and it sum this up in 10 I'm having an experience, I'm watching. I'm in a place of neutrality

drinking problem is removed. I'm not fighting anything or anybody. I'm just kind of going through this. I'm having an experience in 10 is what I'm doing in 1010 is all about an experience. It says as long as I keep in fit spiritual condition, I can't let up in this spiritual program of action. I can't rest on my laurels. I'm headed for trouble if I do. Alcohol is a subtle full we're not cured of alcoholism.

What we have is a daily reprieve continued upon our maintenance of our spiritual condition.

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into our activities. How can I best serve thee? That will be done, not mine. These are the thoughts that must go with us constantly. We can exercise our willpower along the line as long as we wish. It is the proper use of our will.

Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God conscience. We have begun to develop the vital success. But we must go further, and that means more action. So I'm actually now experiencing God

in 10. You busy tripping on three Don't.

I don't really get to find out this higher power thing until 10.

It's an experience. 11, we run out of time a little quickly. 11 says prayer and meditation. Prayer is that I actually do a prayer. It says I can choose any kind of prayer whatever way in which I want to. But the meditation part is that I ask myself some questions before I go to bed at night and when I wake up in the morning, that's meditation. I need to listen to my thoughts.

I need to listen to my thoughts. Most of you think meditation is to go completely blank. Nothing tells me that here

I don't go blank. I asked myself some questions. I stay still long enough and I listen to myself.

So what I do and 11:00

before I go to bed and when I wake up at night, what could I have done differently that I harm anybody today,

that I address something? Is anything unresolved that I didn't really look at that I need to look at

what are the good things in the 12 and 12? It also talks about my assets and liabilities. Hey, what did you do good today?

What did you do? I don't beat up on myself. It says be careful not to be so morbid. We know how to beat up on ourselves. We're just so sadistic like that.

We ask God to show me what I can do differently and what I could do better.

Awakening. I review my day. I review my plans ago. This is what I was thinking about doing today. What you think, are we going to do that today? What we doing today? Where we going

later on, it says as we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful and we ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves that we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, Thy will be done. We are then it must less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self pity or foolish decisions. We become more and more effective. We do not tire so easily,

for we're not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

So that's my little gauge in point of reference. I tell people if you're walking around angry, excitement, fear, worry, self pity and making foolish decisions, something ain't right.

88 The last of all that paragraph.

We are much, much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self pity, a foolish decisions. I'm much more effective. We don't tire so easily. People ask me why you not so tired? Why aren't you tired? Where do you get this energy from? You always this happy? Yeah, because as it tells me right here

and when I'm not is because I am not doing something. And that's okay too. I'm probably holding on to something. I'm pissed off about something. I haven't talked to anybody about it. I haven't addressed it. I'm tired,

I'm tired, I'm not as effective. I got nothing to give you. I'm exhausted. I'm just busy being angry. I used to hear Don't get too hungry, Angry, lonely and touched.

But that's my gauge. When I'm angry and worrying, I'm like, I got some cleaning house to do. I'm putting some more Kaka in the toilet bowl

and says we Alcoholics are undisciplined, so we let God discipline us in a simple way we have just outlined.

But this is not all. There is action and more action. Faith without works is dead. The next chapter devoted to Step 12 and unfortunately and I get to do 12, but 12 is pretty clear. What I love about Step 12 in the book is they talk a lot about 12 step calls,

a lot about 12 step calls, and really working with the wet ones

and how we deal with them. Today you have a lot more people coming into the rooms from treatment facilities coming in because they're familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous. There's not a lot of 12 step calls we're doing these days it seems, at least for us.

But being able to go out and help another drunk wherever you can find them, it talks about in here, go to sanitariums, go to hospitals so you could see them, sit by their bedside. Your phones going to be ringing all night long.

You may have a burnt up mattress and all that stuff they start talking about in there, but what happens as a result of these steps? As a result of these steps, I've had a spiritual experience, a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps.

And I must carry that message. I must. I'm so excited. How can I not carry the message? I trip out on people. How could I not carry this message? The message? What is the message that a miracle has just happened? A drunk like me is not drinking today. A drunk like me wakes up in the morning and goes walking. I contribute to life.

She's excited of how I can be of service and how I can help others and what I can do for you. That is amazing to me. I got to share it with you. I got to give you the same hope that was given to me. I got to share with you. I got to sweep the floor and put up the chair and show up early and help with the coffee and put out the literature. I have to

because you did it for me.

You did it for me. When I came in the room, there was a chair. Somebody set up that chair. My sponsor told me that early. If you walking around here going to meetings still looking for a chair to be there, something ain't right,

something right, you're arrogant and selfish. She would tell me how dare you go to meeting looking for something. You better go to that meeting and give back. After my first year honeymoon was over.

You better go to that meeting and stand at the door and greet somebody and say how you're doing today because somebody did that for you. How can I not do that?

I don't even know how it makes you want to. I can't. I don't even know how not to do it. Trips me out. I don't even know how not to do that.

How long was the honeymoon? I had a year, that was it.

Here was up. Bye bye, baby girl. You ain't a baby no more. Let's go. You show up, you start giving back because that's really where I'm going to find my recovery. Where really blooms for me is working with others.

I tell people you think we just remember the pages like I said around and memorize this. You know what happens after talking to 30-40 people reading the same Dagon page over and over again? You remember

and just recently my sponsor, I said they told me I have too many sponsors. You think I got too many?

And she said you're only sponsoring 1.

That's good. And I said what do you mean I'm only sponsoring one? I got like 30 sponsees, don't you think it's too many of them? She said you're only sponsoring 1

and I didn't quite get what she was saying. And I learned from my sponsor. More and more is revealed. I don't need to know everything. Every time she says it when I need to know it, I'm sure it'll reveal itself. It wasn't until later on she was sharing with another sponsee. And then she said to me that you get what I told you. I said no, I sure didn't, but it's all right.

I know that I didn't hear you say yes, get rid of them.

I didn't hear that.

And she said you're only sponsoring one, which is you,

Everybody that you talk to, every page that you turn, every hand that you extend to every hug that you give you giving it to yourself.

Because that's what Bill learned. If I don't talk to another drunk, I'm going to get drunk. These are not charity cases. I'm not a mission. And I'm out about to reform you. What I'm here to do is for me to stay sober. That as I carry the message, I get excited. I remember this information is reinforced for me to know, for me to understand, for me to get. And if it just so happens that you get it too, Oh my goodness, God is so good.

But I know I'm staying sober today. If nobody stays sober here today. I know I am because this stuff was intense. This was beautiful. Most of the time I'm like, did you hear that? Did you get that? Oh my God.

The steps work. I hope I didn't insult anybody's intelligence. Sometimes I feel like I'm preaching to the choir. If you've done the steps and you've working through them in your life, we never like, not know anything. I, I mean always know everything.

It's nice to be reinforced, to hear somebody elses experience, to continue to work them, to learn them, to embrace them.

It sounds to me that most of your questions had a lot to do with the relationship with a higher power,

had a lot to do with that.

And if that's what blocks you,

then the only suggestion I give you is to just take the suggestion that Bill, that Evie gave Bill,

which was just to have an open mind to the possibility and be willing and don't let that block you.

I think that's a choice that you have. If you want to continue to debate that, to rationalize that, to fight with that, I think that's a choice. And it's a choice to let the disease win. And I'm not going to do it real quick. Yes, we got it in

difficult to tell the difference between

I mean what's good business practice and what's really self seeking and over ambition and dishonesty. What's good business practice? What business

you work in? Treatment facility,

trying to make money and being over ambitious and dishonest and sausage.

I can easily see the line.

No, you can't. But God can.

Isn't that hard?

No, you can't, but God can. If I say God is this way, you want me to work? Is this what you want me to do? Remove from me those things, Selfish greed, self centeredness. Take that away from me.

Where would you have me be? And what would you have me do? And how can I show up and be of maximum service to you and your children and then see what happens? And each and every day that I show up, I go, OK, God, you're on. This is your gig. Is this where you want us to go? Is this what you want us to do?

That's not so easy, eh?

That takes practice.

It'll be OK. I met my higher power. I know we got to end, but I met my higher power. Truly met my higher power and my fifth year sobriety butt naked alone with a white flag up my ass.

I lost everything. I was sleeping in a car.

Yeah. I lost the house, the weeping Willow tree, the car, the things gone. Five years sober,

I don't even remember it being that bad when I was drinking

and I used to go to meetings and I said, if you tell me this too shall pass one more time, I'm going to punch you in the face.

This woman came up to me and said, Teresa, sometimes we got to meet God naked and alone.

And I held on to that. And they told me, you don't take a drink. And I didn't. And I put one hand in God and I put one hand in this program. Until this day, I have not been confused since who's running the show in my life. It has not been the same since then,

has not been the same. I got two things I want to share with you that I love sharing with people. One is this is how I spend my day.

Which leads to that this is how I spent my day. I say I want to buy a blouse.

I feel like buying a blouse today. I get ready to go but the phone rings and so I pick up the phone and I am present for that phone conversation. I'm not tapping my foot saying I got things to do, I want to go buy a blouse. I'm listening to Wendy and I am present for Wendy and I am of service. I hang up the phone. I get ready to go and someone comes to my door.

They come in and I go sit down and I am present for that conversation.

They get ready to go and said, hey, before I got here, where were you going? I said, oh, I was gonna buy a blouse. They said, I'll go with you. I said, OK, we get ready to leave. We start pulling out and four people will walk into my house. She goes, I think they're going to your house. I go, I'll park the car. We parked the car. They come in my house. I sit down and I am of service and I am present for the conversation

at the end of the day. The end of the day,

someone shows up, knocks on my door and says I was at the store, I saw this blouse

and I thought of you.

That's how I live my day.

You know, the miracle of that story is not the shirt showing up, because that used to happen a lot. I just wasn't paying attention

that I was present for that conversation.

I was present for that conversation. That's the miracle in that story.

That's how I live my dates. I'm not confused who's running the show? I'm in Sweden,

that's a that's amazing to me with no money.

No, I got minus in my bank account and I got new clothes.

I haven't gone without eating,

I got clothes to keep me warm. I've arrived with people who love me and I'm safe.

I'm staying somewhere safe and warm. I'm in a country that I don't really know nothing and nobody where I'm going and I'm being driven everywhere I gotta go

and I'm not worried about any of it. I couldn't have planned this any better and I didn't figure this out and I didn't demand for the way it needed to be or how it needed to be the way I wanted it to be. I just showed up,

so taken care of.

And one more thing I'm going to end with

this man asked me some time ago. He said. Teresa, tell me about your dash. I love this one.

Tell me about your dash. That's what I said. That's what I said. What's a dash?

I said. What is that dash? What do you mean, Dash?

He says on your tombstone

there is the date you're born

and the date that you died, and in between there's a dash.

The dash signifies your life.

If you were to die right now, this moment, what would somebody say about your dash?

See the interesting thing is I don't know the ending date and is arrogant for me to believe that I'm going to have it for a long time,

for I can die at any moment.

So that means for every moment of my day I am contributing to that dash. This program has taught me to stop telling God how big my storm is

and start telling the storm how big my God is.

But I think about if 19 years ago, what my dash would have looked like, if I would have died,

people would have said it's about time.

Oh, I can finally get some rest.

Oh, what a relief.

Oh, it's such a shame.

That's what people would have said about my dash

today.

You know people will save on my desk today. If I was to die right now, this moment, I cannot begin to tell you what people would say about my dash.

Huge.

Huge.

She was kind and giving and compassionate and gentle and loving. Oh, what a wonderful aunt. Oh, she loved those boys so much.

Oh, what a great daughter.

My mother, my father, so proud of you. Oh, they were so proud. You lived the long life, a great life, a big life. Oh, you've done so much.

Oh, you're going to be so missed. Oh, we're going to miss you.

That's something.

She was sober, she was happy, she was full, she was whole, she was complete. She was a lady, she was beautiful,

my dash. And you know, when you die, nobody talks about what you have.

When people die, they don't talk about the car you were driving or the house that you lived in or the job that you had or the money that you were making. They talk about your character.

I've had a big house

and people still said what a shame.

Today I live in an apartment

with no money in my bank account and all my dash looks so pretty. So you ask yourself that, what about your dash?

And there's one thing I'm not confused about, and I hope you aren't a that I am truly an alcoholic

and BI cannot do this alone. That I must tap into this source of power. And that's what helps me to contribute to such a beautiful dash

'cause I, within myself, am nothing.

I appreciate you guys so much. I know that I've learned much. I wish I could give you more. I wish we have more time to spend with each other and that I didn't have to just quickly go through the steps as we have.

If just one person got something, I've done what I came out here for.

My life is not in vain. Yeah,

this program works. And I want you to know that we don't have to do it perfectly. I don't ever want to give the impression that I do this thing perfectly and y'all could just go out there and be like, hey, Teresa Gotti go. I don't ever want to give that impression. I'm just another drunk. If I can do it, you can do it. I've just been dedicated. I've been hungry. I don't want what I have. So I've been doing this thing and Bill and Doctor Bob are no longer here. We are.

We are for today. I am responsible. I am accountable. You know what I'm saying?

That's why I do it.

I'm responsible because somebody did it for me. So now that somebody has done it for you, you now need to give it to somebody else.

You don't get to keep it.

We don't just get to hold on to it and keep it. And I hear people say, oh, I got a life outside of AA. I don't have no life outside of AA. I have a life because of AA.

Alcoholics Anonymous is not a recreation Pastime after effect.

This is my life.

I do it passionately, enthusiastically. I implore you, I don't care what country you're in. You're a drunk like me. You struggle with understanding a higher power like me. So did I. So what? So what? Who cares?

Are you tired of the life that you have? Then join us.

This program has worked in 90 countries. You ain't no different.

I am so privileged for Jay to have me to come out and have this experience with you. I hope that one day I can come back and it's warmer,

but I thank you. Tomorrow we're going to have some fellowship and fun, I think somewhere and do something. I don't know, Everybody signs up for something over there.

OK, She going to do A7 tradition. Real cool. There you go. Amber. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

and give yourselves a hand for being here. Or is this a box?

Oh, thank you.

You gave yourselves a hand. You're giving yourself

nice

and let's give God a hand please.

Yay. Thank you.