The International Group of Stockholm's "12-Step Workshop Weekend" in Stockholm, Sweden

My name is Teresa. I'm an alcoholic. Teresa,

welcome back. Quick break. I want to congratulate all you guys, troopers for hanging in here. And I know it's a lot of information. I was saying perhaps two days would be better, but we got one day here. It's a lot to take in, in one day. So I appreciate your patience and trying to get it in and I don't want to short change any step,

you know, So I'm doing my best here to try to get it all in.

But as my sponsor always pointed out to me, this is a lifelong process, so

I'm sure more and more will be revealed and more will be unfolded. So it's just scratching the surface right?

Giving an idea of how it works.

God

grant, minister, any to accept the things that cannot change, the curves to change the things I can and the wisdom. So,

ah, now that I've stepped into asking this higher power to take away these character defects, I now get an opportunity to go back and clean up the wreckage of my past, which is in eight and 9:00

and in eight, it tells me to just make a list of the people that I've harmed. Again, I just don't know how to stress the fact on how this thing is not about thinking so much.

I think. I think we think too much,

We process too much. This was action steps to me. There were steps that I was just doing them. It doesn't mean that I was completely detached from them emotionally. I was just doing them the very first time I did them because I needed to get what was called a working knowledge of the steps. These were blueprints for life. I was going to learn how to practice them

daily, but the first time I did them I was just doing them. They should just tell me that I have a cup that says just do it

and watch what happens to you.

And if I'm just doing it, I'm out of the way. I get out of the way. And then I really witnessed a miracle because I say to myself, I didn't really have too much to do with the result of all this as opposed to me being up in it. Then I think I'm doing something

as I just got out of the way and my first inventory, you know, I, I didn't even cry and I had a lot on there. I was just like, Oh yes, on soul. Yep, they sodomized me. Uh-huh.

Yep. That affected myself. Esteem. Sure did. And Yep, I was being selfish. I don't want to be sodomized. Yep, uh-huh. OK. And so and so did that and yes, it affected this. And I believe that I was selfish and self-centered and dishonest.

My spouse isn't asked more of me. That's the best that I can do at that time,

that was the best that I can do. I was doing it. I wanted to be sober. I was going to be doing more of it wasn't until three years of my sobriety that I was started crying and crying like a big baby. I heard God don't give you more than you can handle and that's all that I can handle. At that time, I had a lot of stuff going on. I came in here very damaged. I tell people if I have experience, what I if I've had to experience what I've experienced in the last 18 years. In my first year, I,

my brains out,

want to blew my brains on more and more will be revealed. I made a list of people I harmed. Where did I get it from? The majority came from my inventory and I just made the list for goodness sake. It's not like those people didn't know that I didn't harm them. What's the secret? Everybody knows that caused them harm. What am I worried about?

I think the only step that freaked me out than any other step was 9.

Wasn't worried about the 4th

or the 5th. 6789 Jack me up because I now needed to go to these people and tell them what I had done.

But I became a woman in nine.

That's why I say I became a woman was in step 9.

The answer to six is in seven. The answer in seven is an 8. The answer to 8 is in nine. You know where I want to see my you know what? When I see my character defects being removed

and 9:00

and seven, I asked this higher power to remove my character defects and I experienced that in nine.

That's what they say. Faith without works is dead. I have faith in what? That my character defects are going to be removed.

And I witnessed it in nine. You know how? Because for me to go knock on your door and tell you what I've caused you harm is selfless. I am not selfish. For me to go and knock on your door and tell you what I've done is honest.

I am not dishonest

for me to go and knock on your door. I am not self-centered. I'm thinking of you.

There's something

I'm no longer self-righteous and arrogant. I can't be those things and knock on your door. It's not going to happen.

I witnessed my character defects being removed in Nine.

That's why the promises come true in Nine.

We read them in meetings. If we're painstaking about this phase of our development, we'll be amazed before we're halfway through. You know when that happens. After nine, I can't believe I went back and clean house.

I actually had a goal to this man who used to beat me on a daily basis and make amends to him

because I didn't have a right to hate him.

I needed him to be who he was. I lived in a state of victim consciousness and he fit the bill

and I had to go back and say and have a right to hate you and character assassinate you. I sought you out purposely.

I became a woman that day. I was able to stand up straight. I was honest about that relationship. I didn't fear him or anybody else. After that, I walked away from that feeling renewed and fresh and reborn. I began to witness this program working in my life in Nine. That's why we tell you, if you knew, hurry up and keep going. Stop trying to figure it out.

Have an experience. Experience these steps,

I say. I've learned to smell them, taste them, inhale them. They become a part of me. They're not exercises on a piece of paper.

These steps are designed for living

and the areas in Step 9 where it talks about our family, it says an apology is not going to do

that now. It's about living a certain way. There are some people in my inventory that I now need to be something else in your life because I spent my life saying I'm sorry to you, you've heard it enough, I'm sorry and amends is something that I now do and I don't do it again.

It's like if you have a hole in a sock and you mend it, you don't have a hole anymore.

I don't go out and make amends to you and then turn around and do it again.

The hardest of men's that I had to make was to my mother,

and I love sharing this online.

Even though people said she did the best she could with what she had and we hear that all the time, it just wasn't working for me. Just wasn't. I just, I was willing. It tells me just to remain willing and I really was. I was willing, but man, it bugged me. I was born addicted. I don't believe I had a choice

and I still carry that around with me.

So she gave me alcohol,

some of y'all picked it up. I didn't have the choice to pick it up or not.

She left me. She beat me at a lot to say about Mommy.

Yeah, she was sick,

but I was a child and it wasn't fair. My sponsor gave me permission to be angry. Nobody had ever given me permission to be angry before,

she said. You have a right to be angry. And I took a couple of weeks doing that.

And I said, you know, I just, I need to remain willing and I just remain willing. Then one day I went out to this place in Montana to see an elder of mine and she told me a story

she told me about the Queen of the upper world and the Queen of the underworld. It's a beautiful story and I listened to the story and said all that's real cute. Thank you for sharing.

And then after that, she looked at me and she said, tell me your mother's story.

I said, I beg your pardon,

She said. Tell me your mother's story.

And I couldn't.

And I got it.

And that God,

I went back to Los Angeles. I knocked on my mother's door and I told her that it had been arrogant of me to think that she should be something other than who she is,

for I have not walked in her shoes and I do not know the depth of her pain. I don't know her story and there's something

I was finally able to make amends to my mom.

What can I do to make this right

for the harm that I have caused you? The harm for hating you my entire life.

And it doesn't mean that my mother and I are tippy toeing through the tulips, but it has certainly gotten better. My life has changed as a result of it. I no longer hate women as a result of it. I no longer hate myself because she is my reflection and my mirror.

The program works.

Your mother and brother? Yes, 22 years. And what was amazing about that is that my mother was prepared to hear from me that I no longer wanted anything to do with her. That she felt that if this program gave me that, and after the work I had done, I came to a place of saying I no longer want to be in your life. She was willing to be OK with that. And instead, I said something completely different

Today. My mother has Alzheimer's.

She calls me all day long asking me what day it is. So this day she doesn't remember that I'm here.

She keeps thinking I'm home

and I take care of my mother.

That's something.

And my father, he has Parkinson's and emphysema.

And my uncle,

who are resented and hated my whole life,

he got sober and he died 12 years of sobriety.

My uncle had been telling me that he was gonna die since I was eight years old

and use that to take advantage of me and to use me because I was 8.

And just two years ago, it was finally true. He had three to six years, I mean three to six months to live.

Oh, that. We dance the dance

and I watch my uncle take his last breath

and it was beautiful.

As a result of this program,

the healing, the forgiveness and the love for myself and for them.

For we are all sick. I'm sick and they're sick,

and the amends to me was so powerful because I seen the transformation take place in Nine. Yes,

I go to the cemetery if I can. If not, I take their picture. I light a candle and a glass of water and I do it there

because I believe Spirit lives on forever.

Then I take a picture, a glass of water and a candle and I do it with a picture because I believe spirit lives forever. So they hear me. And then there are certain amends they call living amends. Like for example my grandmother. I I did that talking to her in spirit. But with people who are older, senior citizen and with Gray hair, I respect them. I don't argue. I be of service and I help cuz I didn't do that with my grandmother.

And so I play that out with other people

and it's helped me.

And my grandmother loved me so unconditionally. I know that she was like it's OK, you know, like just treated her so bad. And in my life. This is about character building and what I have found that is a result of the amends I am building now this character, and I am now beginning to practice some principles

and I'm not necessarily that person anymore. Something happens when you knock on someone's door.

I can't steal from you again. It's just not the same.

It's not the same anymore. It just says that I just can't quite do it. I'm not even afraid as much. It tells me I will commence to outgrow fear. It just doesn't fit right anymore.

I think twice before I open up my mouth because now I gotta go back and make amends.

So before I cause harm, I kind of tend to pause a little bit.

Yes, Yeah.

My mother made amends to me and I was in my addiction.

I didn't hear none, she said. Nor that I care. But she did what she needed to do.

He has been, yeah,

I need to go in a safe place. I bought somebody with me. I had to go back to make amends to New York because that's where everything was. And I went with a sober member and they went back with me to New York and I knocked on doors. I didn't go into crack house or anything like that, but I did go to a bar. That's where my godfather hangs out at and a Colombian that I owe 2 kilos to. I had a contract out for my life and I needed to go back to him and make amends.

I owed him 2 kilos. I had a contract I couldn't hide from him and he told me that my amends to him was that I stayed clean and sober,

and the day that I didn't was the day that my life belonged to him.

So I tell people, when I tell you for me to drink is to die, I don't mean it symbolically.

So I keep coming back. I know was waiting for me. If I go out there,

I don't have a small print, that contract that says until I'm willing to go back to a A

and I tell people, you know what's funny about that? You know, it's really funny about that, that I'm a real alcoholic, an addict. Do you know that that doesn't keep me sober?

Knowing that he will take my life? Do you know that that's how insidious this disease is, that that does not keep me sober? Great motivator, but it'll keep me sober if I'm not in the core of unity, recovery and service. I know what type of alcoholic and addict I am. Do you know that he'll probably be the first person I'll knock on his door and ask him to hook me up? Are you kidding me? This is serious.

This disease ain't no joke. You would think that would motivate me, huh?

I go. Thank you. I'm gonna keep coming back. I know it's waiting for me. So I better stay here. I better do what suggested. Let's do this work and stop figuring it out. Because I got somebody waiting for me to slip up. And like somebody told me, I might not have the luxury of him taking my life. I'll just be his slave.

That don't sound fun.

So men's has been a very powerful experience for me. Very trans. I saw the transformation at 9. As scary as it was, I did it anyway. Even though I had feel. It wasn't even that kind of fear that kind of ran through me like the other fear. I saw that lift too. I felt something. I was uncomfortable and kind of awkward and a little like a little nervous about what was going to happen, but I did it

and I said this program works

because that's so out of character.

Nine is out of character. That means my character defects are now being removed

and the promises come true.

And at the end of the promises, it always says they will always materialize. Always not. Sometimes not. Maybe not possibly. It says they will always materialize if we work for them,

but you got to work for it.

You don't get this through osmosis.

Just going to meetings. They gonna keep you sober. That's what I was told. I gotta work for it and the results are just amazing.

Yes. What does it mean? May direct demands to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. What does it mean? And mainly you're talking about except when to do so would injure them or others is, for example, I slept with your husband and you don't know about it and you're still married to him. And I go and I tell you so that I can clear my conscience. Now I just made a mess out of your marriage.

That's a good example. Now I'm injuring you by making amends.

I'm going back to harm you.

And they even talk about areas in here if I may need to go to jail. For example, they tell the story about a gentleman where his wife wants child support and she puts out, you know, like he can go to jail. They find them and he has another family and a business that he needs to take care of. So he goes to them and he discusses it with them first, that if I turn myself in, do you understand the consequences? Because it'll affect all of us.

Then it's decided through all of them with his sponsor that he write her a letter with a check because really all she wants is the Child Support.

And he says he makes his amends and says I'm willing to send you this amount of money each time that I can or make a plan with her, but I'll turn myself in if you want me to. If that's what you really want me to do, I'm willing to do that. And she says, I don't want you to do that.

Everything will be OK, just keep sending the checks.

And so it's about being mindful of the harm that I'm about to cause while I'm making amends. Am I going to cause more damage when I do this? And it's to them, not just me.

Because if I if it's about me not hurting myself, I'm making a mess of nobody

because I think I'm going to be hurting a lot of weights. It's causing harm to other people. And again, I just say just do it. And in the book Into Action, they give us some clear description on how to go about it.

What do we do? They say we don't argue with that person. We don't retaliate. We just talk about the part we played. Don't get all caught up. It even says how do you go to an enemy? It says it's harder to go to an enemy to a friend. But that's where you reap the most benefits. It's easy to go a friend,

go to an enemy and have a spiritual experience,

it says.

Years of feuds will just fall.

There are some people that might slam the door in your face. It's water under the bridge. I've happened to me. They didn't want to talk to me. That's OK. I did what I needed to do

and there are situations that maybe I haven't even seen the person and I stayed willing and then one day they show up.

One time I went to a movie thing.

Uh, what do you call Premiere?

And I'm there and I see this waiter and my goodness, he looks familiar.

And I was like, gosh, I think I've seen this guy before. I don't know where, but he looks familiar.

So I go to him and I go. I know this might seem really odd, but you look a little familiar to me. Do you know me?

And he says, do I know you?

He said. You're Teresa.

I gave you a ring. I asked you to marry me. I think. Even bought me like a house

and you left and you have never been back.

Says you're the reason I have problems with women to this day.

Talk about adding insult to injury. I'm like, you look vaguely familiar.

How embarrassing is that?

Talk about a blackout.

I was like, Oh my goodness,

we find compassion in these steps. I made amends to him and I really felt bad. Not bad, like more, you know, like mutilate myself bad. But my goodness, the things that we do in the clueless causing this harm on this person because I'm so into self that even when I see him, it looks vaguely familiar.

Man.

All I could do was make amends for the harm that I caused. And I asked him what I can do and he just said don't do that to anybody else. I mean, it was just like, you know,

And I was like, OK, you know,

but for whatever reason, that's why we were in the same place at the same time. Perhaps that was something that needed to happen for him and for me.

There's divine order. I believe in that and it was necessary at that time for us to meet each other again

and release that. And so I have been released of the bondage of self. I'm no longer looking over my shoulder and paranoid about the things that I've done in my past. One thing, if they going to haunt me sometime or they going to show up again, I'm willing to face whatever that is so that I can walk a free woman,

free from the bondage of Maine, free from worry and fear of what I've done to you.

Don't walk like that. Today I've cleaned up the wreckage of my past and when it comes up today, I clean it up quickly. Take a sleep at night,

have to worry about you and what I've done to you and you're probably out to get me or that I got to get you. Which leads me to 10:00 and 11:00.

I love 10 and 11 so much.

Can I ask question? Yes,

this is weird. What's this doing? I think the milk and bad. Do you want to get your Yeah, that's doing something weird?

Oh, the milk is like a it's a. What color is the milk canister?

Green? It's the green one. Thank you.

Sorry, do you always do insist with your sponsors that

they always tell that they're an AA and that's what they're doing this amounts or is it quite it necessary? Yeah, I share with them that I'm now in the process of recovery and this is what it's asked me to do.

Yeah, I don't insist a whole lot on my spot. I just kind of share my experience and the way it's outlined in the book. And in the book it just says that I'm in the process of recovery and that I'm going to drink if I don't do this. You say that when you contact them or when you sit down. When I sit down with them,

I'm a drink. If I don't do it,

and then I begin listing those things that I've done. Not like I've heard some people say. I'm not sure what I've done to you, but I want to make amends. That's not an amends,

that's you offend that person.

They kind of like you don't know what you've done to me.

Looks like you better keep going to that program.

My uncle tried doing that with my brother. He was like, I don't know why we're not friends and why you don't like me, but I might have caused you harm in some way.

And whatever that is, can you forgive me? My brother was like, if you don't know the harm that you've caused me, then I'm not going to talk. Even though he was on his deathbed, I'm not going to begin to tell you the things you've done to me.

We all know the things that my uncle did to my brother and he couldn't list them.

And the person sees us and they know how sincere we are. You know when I tell people it's amazing ones, the selfishness and self-centered and dishonesty is removed. And the book it says that when we do things in that way, people retaliate, right? Or they want to snatch everything out of the show. Do you know that I could say the same thing to you without my selfishness, self seeking, dishonesty and fear and I get a whole different response?

It's as though people know an energetic instinct that that's your motive,

that you're coming here from a selfish motive. Like people know that

I could say the very thing that you without those motives and I get a whole different response. You actually hear me?

You actually hear me? My sponsor used to always ask me. What's your intentions? What's your motives? OK, you're about to go be her friend. What's your intention? What's your motive? OK, You want to give her this gift? What's your intention? What's your motive?

You want to get that job? What's your intention? What's your motive? Always have to look at my motives and my intentions. Are they selfishness driven? Because if they are, thank you,

OK? Because if they are, it's not going to work out. It's never going to work out. So I asked God to remove that. And then I'm able to share from the heart, out of compassion, out of love. And it's usually a little bit different how it works out.

In this ten step, it talks about having an experience as a result of these steps. The promises come true and intend. These are the things that they tell me happened to me.

I said. This thought, What is this thought? That these are extravagant promises. They materialize if we work for them, right?

This thought brings us to Step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any mistakes as we go along.

We vigorously commence this way of living

as we clean up the past. We have entered the world of spirit.

Oh, I'm sorry, 84

We we have entered the world of spirit.

Our next function is to grow and understanding and effectiveness.

That's my next function to grow an understanding and effectiveness.

This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for a lifetime.

That's why I love you below. I went through all the, I went through all 12 steps and I'm going through them again.

I'm like, what are you talking about?

I know that cracks me up. I've gone through all the 12 steps and I'm going through them again. I finished and yeah, I finished all 12 steps. I'm going to do them again sometime. That always makes me laugh. I'm like, that's interesting.

This tell me this continues for a lifetime. I'm going for effectiveness and more understanding,

it says. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

That's you

is this. Continue to watch for it.

I have to see when selfishness creeps up. Now, how do you suppose I'm supposed to watch for this if I'm not in the present moment?

If I'm not comfortable in my own skin and present with you right now, how am I supposed to watch for selfishness and self centeredness and fear if I'm worried about yesterday and tomorrow? How am I watching what I'm doing right now when I'm talking to you?

Interesting, isn't it?

It means that it brings me in the now. It brings me in the moment. It brings me in today. I am now living in today.

I'm not worried about yesterday earlier tomorrow. I'm only worried about right now what we doing right now because I got to pay attention to myself.

I talked about it earlier. While you're talking, I'm watching me,

watching me, not you. I'm not watching what your body language and how you're acting and what you're doing. I'm confused. If I'm doing that, I'm watching me, not you. And if I see something in you, I'm still watching me. We always here we got one finger point at somebody. You got 3 pointing back at you. They used to tell me that in the program, whenever you look at people and you got something to say about them, you talking about yourself,

talking about yourself. So what I used to start doing is going you got lovely hair

that is just a beautiful outfit.

Anything negative

about myself? So I started finding the good thing in you so I could see the good thing in me.

I continue to watch. I got to watch for these things. And then when it says when they when these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. I was giving you an example earlier. I'm watching for, oh, I'm being selfish. Okay, God, take that away. That's not going to help me right now

to remove them at once. It says we discussed them with someone immediately. Sometimes I'll turn to you and go. I was just lying, just starting to lie. Oh my God, do you At the moment I was being very selfish. I'm sorry. That was not okay. I've done that. I use the example, the man on the plane. I got on the plane, it took me 19 hours. I'm coming from Florida. I'm exhausted. I missed my flight. I'm come now in Dallas from Florida. I really want to go home. I'm just frustrated. I am not spiritual at all. There's nothing happening. I get on the plane,

it's really crowded. I've got the window seat and this man's got the aisle and he to me was huge. And I look at him and I go, Oh my God, you're so huge.

I was like, you're a really big man. You're a very big man. I was like, I'm going to suffocate. Can I get the aisle?

And he was like, no, I was like, Oh my Lord, I'm not going to be able to breathe. You're really big.

Geez Louise. I'm huffing and puffing. I excuse me and I get in there. I'm like, oh,

and I sit down and relax for a minute. I'm like, OK, this is not so bad, you tripping a little bit. And then I sit there and he's listening to his things and I'm going, you know, that was so not nice.

That was so not cool to do that to that man.

And I'm looking at him like, damn,

I called the man a big man,

man. So I was like, excuse me tapping on the guys here. Excuse me. He's like, yes. I was like, I so need to apologize to you. That was completely inappropriate of me to call you like a huge man. And I didn't even explain to him why. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that I took me 19 hours to get home. That is not that man's problem.

Do you know what I'm saying? I didn't have to explain that it was inappropriate of me to talk to you that way.

And he said no, it's OK. I said no, it's not OK.

What can I do to make it up? I found that very offensive and he was like, no, it's fine. I was like, no, it's like, would you like some peanuts?

Like some peanuts can give you something to eat.

He was like, no, really, it's all right.

And so that's a good example if it comes up, you know, like I was being very selfish. Alvin, a penis. You want my peanuts? It's not being nice to this man.

It says make amends quickly if you harmed anybody. I turn around and I go, I just caused you harm. It's not OK. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. How can I be of service? How can I help somebody? How can I get out of me? I love that people call with problems. I'm like, make a phone call and ask somebody how they're doing.

Get wrapped up in ourselves. Make a call,

it says. Love and tolerances are cold

and now live in love and tolerance. It's our code.

Oh my goodness. Always so out of character, huh? They're talking about the drunk. The drunk me. Can you imagine?

It says we have ceased fighting anything or anyone

when I spent my whole life fighting. I'm not fighting anymore. What is there to fight about? What is there to fight about

for by this time, sanity has returned.

I might tell you Saturday comes back in 10. Until you knew that it could. You believe that it could. And it does come back. It comes back in 10. That's why we tell you to keep doing the work.

Don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle happens. When does the miracle happen?

This is where it happens. We are seldom we will seldom be interested in liquor.

If tempted, we recoil from it like a hot flame.

We react sanely and normally.

We will find this has happened automatically.

We will see that our new attitude towards liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes. That is the miracle of it.

That's the miracle.

Can you imagine

when all I thought about was obsessing over drinking? I went with the obsession. I drank.

I had this allergy. It's completely powerless, and now the drink problem is removed.

That's the miracle. That is unexplainable. That's what makes it a miracle. You can't explain that someone who drank every day, all day long and did nothing else but that is not doing that now. That is a miracle. You can't explain that. You can't.