The International Group of Stockholm's "12-Step Workshop Weekend" in Stockholm, Sweden

Four and five go together. We immediately go in the four and you do it. It doesn't. It's not rocket science. It doesn't take forever. The way this book is written. I just write it out and you know what? More and more will be revealed. It doesn't have to be that deep. I do the best I can of what I have at the time I'm doing it. It's not rocket science. I write the names to the best of my ability. I write that information down to the best of my ability. I will be doing a whole lot of inventories.

I do not have to be so perfectionist and anal about it. Some people spend forever and if you have more than 50 names, you are more than self-centered than you think

and you are so much in other people's business. I have people with 102 hundred names. It's usually because you're in other people's business. I'm mad at my cousins friends girlfriend who looked at her friend funny. Then I've got nothing to do with you.

All of it. Somebody elses business.

What's the point of the inventory? So that I could be convinced that life run by me doesn't work, that everything I have done just has not worked out. I am taking stock is not a big deal. So many people scared of the fourth step. It's not a big deal,

just write it down. He would just do it and don't stay on it for so long. I'm big on that man. People stay on that step too long forever and ever find every excuse in the book not to finish.

I need to get the crap out of the toilet. I need a plunger, I need a hanger. I need something. Get it out because it says I'm blocked from the sunlight of the spirit. Those resentments are killing me. Those fears are killing me. That conduct is killing me. And if I don't clean house, I'm going to drink. And when I drink, crazy things happen. I go back into the darkness and the abyss. I don't. I go back into the life that I don't want anymore,

and so I'm willing to clean house and now what do I do? I take that information and I share with my sponsor or somebody else. It tells me in the book if there's certain things that I'm really uncomfortable with, I can find a priest. I can find a psychologist, someone who is either ordained or certified to keep confidentiality if I'm fearful of what's in there is going to get out.

But ultimately, I sit down with another drunk and I just tell them my business. And you know what? I wasn't worried about that.

I figured if you're gonna go around and talk about what's on my 5th and you're sick and you're probably gonna get drunk or something,

I'm not worried about that. I'm trying to live. I want to stay sober. So I'm going to sit down. They told me I got to share with you. I'm going to share it with you. Don't care what you going to do with it. I'm free now,

they say. You're sick as your secrets. I'm not sick no more.

I just saw my secrets,

wasn't worried about holding on to what? For what?

I'm fighting for the right to hold on to sickness, to poison. That's what I'm saying to myself. I got to hold on to the poison. I know it's destroying my life, but God forbid I give this up,

we share it with somebody. I don't care who you share it with, Share with somebody, says a closed mouth person. Somebody who understands what I'm aiming at and what I'm getting to. A person who doesn't distract me from my mission. Someone who knows that this is a life and death errand

and prepare for a long talk.

I trip out when sponsee shows home. I got two hours, let's do my fifth. Really. It says prepare for a long talk. We're going to be here a minute.

Usually in your first inventory, you actually don't do your inventory until your fifth. Most people don't really do a thorough 4th. They usually do it with the 5th. So I tell people the way this is written,

if you were to do a thorough inventory, the way this is written, after I've done my resentments, my fear and my sex, I've done my own self analysis and self examination and now I go to someone and I say, you know what? I just learned about myself.

I'm selfish, it says. Talk about my faults and my 5th. I go and tell you my wrongs.

You know what I've done? I've been selfish and self-centered and self seeking. I've been resentful that people and it turns out that I'm the one that's the cause of it. These are the things that I do. This is how I've caused harm. I've been infested with fear and I've done everything possible to deal with my fears and it hasn't worked. You know what I did with this fear? You know what I did with that fear? Nothing has worked. You know what I did with Home girl? You know what I did with Home chick? You know what I did with Homeboy? That's a fifth.

Most of us unable to do that. Gentlemen, we go. I don't know what part I play.

Usually we don't know what part we play because we didn't even stop and pray for them. I know a lot of people don't stop and pray and it says I have to stop and pray for all those people.

After the third column, I stop and pray

for each of those people so I can look at it from entirely different angle. I can't do that unless I pray for you.

And a lot of times I'm not sure where I'm selfish. I'm too selfish and self-centered to see that. I'm selfish and self-centered and I need the support and the assistance of somebody who begins to break it down to me and it becomes familiar. I sit down and I share this with someone and it gives me freedom.

I'm no longer as sick as my secrets. I danced the dance I learned around here. You don't have to dance with everybody, but you need to dance with somebody. Somebody needs to know me.

I'm talking to another drunk, they say. More than likely, this person has done what I've done and they'll share a little bit about themselves with me.

Sometimes we get worried about what we have to say, and we come to find out that they did it too, and we get that nod again. Oh honey, that's nothing.

It removes the shame.

I start finding out all those things I thought was such a horrible secret weren't really they really weren't. There were no big deal.

Those are the causes and conditions of my drinking. That's why I'm restless, irritable and discontent. Because I'm walking around with all this toxic, ugly stuff inside of me and it is blocking me from the sunlight of the Spirit. I can't feel the flow, I can't feel the light. I cannot get in touch with it because of this stuff. No matter how much I pray, no matter how much I want to tap into the source of power, I cannot.

That's why we tell people, keep going,

don't stop and think, what's life going to be like? What does that mean? How I'm going to have a relationship with God? You got a clean house,

do you know what I'm saying? You're not going to feel it. You're not going to understand. You got a clean house.

And from that inventory we get 6:00 and 7:00. I'm going very quickly because our time is running short, but they all kind of go together at this point. Once this decision is made, it's go, go, go, go, go.

And the fifth step in the next chapter is into action. There's no sitting around here.

How can you be so laxed? This is a matter of life and death.

Nothing in my life is more important than this. No job, no family, no relationship, no money, nothing.

Nothing. Because I'm going to lose it

right after my 5th, I recognized clearly my character defects. I find forgiveness in five.

It says that most people relapse because they skip that vital step.

You can ask the oldest old timer and they'll tell you they suffered the most because they skip that step. Step 5.

They don't dance with nobody.

They say they thought there they lost their egoism, but they didn't. They thought they were humbled, but they weren't.

Bless you.

I take a look at these character defects and I find out that I'm selfish, self-centered,

self seeking. I'm arrogant, I'm self-righteous, I'm dishonest, egotistical, I'm disrespectful.

Oh Lord, have mercy.

Yucky, yucky, yucky.

After seeing myself, I'm entirely ready

to have this God, this higher power, remove all those defects of character because they're jacking me up. They're not working for me no more.

And it says some of them we want to hold on to. It says all you need to do is be willing and six,

but you ask yourself, is it working for you?

Don't ever say I'll never give that up

to say I'm willing.

All those things are not working for me. I'm ready.

I am ready. I am entirely ready. I am so sick of me. When I get out of my fifth, I am so done with me. It's ridiculous. I was, I was sick of me. I was like, oh Lord, have mercy.

No wonder you're not a lady

and seven. I am humbled. I am humbled because humility says that I recognize my flaws.

I recognize my shortcomings. That's all humility is.

That's all it is.

I can see my faults. I'm not perfect as I thought I was.

And seven, I am humbly asking him to remove my shortcomings. And there's a prayer. There's a seven step prayer.

Hi, we hanging in there? Boy, we some troopers, huh? Somebody willing to go to any lengths? My Creator,

I'm not willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character with stands and the way of my usefulness to you and to my fellows. Grab me strength as I go out from here and do your bidding. Amen.

That's it. Seven done.

I immediately go into eight and nine. It says faith without works is dead.

Faith without works is dead. You can tell me you got faith all day long, but you ain't doing nothing is dead. Ain't going nowhere.

Questions

anybody? Questions. Yes.

How

does that work? I just did the prayer that was in the book.

But how is it meant to work just by doing it?

I mean, it seems real silly, but it's true. I didn't need to. Yeah. I didn't need to be all deep about it. You see what I'm saying? I just did what it said.

I told people, I really wish I can get so deep with you, but it's not that deep. That's not how I did this. I didn't do it like completely detached emotionally, but I was just kind of like, OK, my creator, I am willing to take. Let's go. Let's come on.

I was just kind of like, let's do what it says here. I didn't make up no other prayer. I got on my knees

is on page 76. I got on my knees because they got, you know, they my sponsor got on the knees. I got on my knees

at a sponsee. We did the third step prayer in the parking lot. I got on my knees in the parking lot in front of some Mexican Taco place. They were like, oh Lord have mercy. I was like, you willing to get on your knees for other things? Honey, get on your knees,

please. She's worried about. Come on now. You see, my point of reference has always been that

I've been willing to do a lot to drink. Maybe you guys are not as you know, you haven't been willing to go to any lanes like I have to get loaded. So it might be a little bit more difficult for you, but I have done some things to get loaded.

So I figured what the heck, If you just asking me to do this to get sober, why have a son? I'm gonna get picky.

So I did a prayer. You say you agnostic. Agnostic says that they believe that there is something

until it's proven. Also, do the work until it proves itself.

I'm just wondering how does it add it meant to what you say? Words. And then, yeah, I just said the words right here. My Creator, I'm willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and to my fellows.

Grant me strength as I go from here to do your bidding. Amen.

Remember in two I have an open mind that there is something greater than me. By the time I'm on this step, I'm not walking around saying I'm agnostic.

Scary.

By the time I'm on here, I am not doing contempt prior to investigation. I'm not walking around saying that there still isn't anything and I believe that there's nothing. I am saying that I am open to the possibility.

Do you know what I'm saying? If I'm stuck that there isn't anything? I'm not doing any of this actually. I'm still on one trying to figure it out.

See what I'm saying?

Yes,

yes,

I have a question about. Isn't that the feeling of of

that your annual universal and it's repeatedly if you have them again and again, more or less these people that you have resent them towards has moved inside your head. Yeah, Yeah. So

I experienced that it's quite a debate whether you should put the people up on your 4th step list that you may have been mad at it 10 years ago, at this particular 50 years ago at the School of Southwest, that they, some of some of us are putting these kind of people up at the floor that list as well.

That isn't the sentence. Do you understand my question? So you're saying a resentment is perhaps not someone from your high school

or someone at a disco tech that I might have had some crossing with?

You know, what's interesting is that what I discovered in the inventory, because I didn't analyze it as much. I just wrote the names down and the information. I found out that I had been holding on to that when I thought I didn't. So what I didn't do is I didn't get into so much questioning. And I always use Maria Collado. Everybody has heard

for me, Maria Collado Azuma resentment. And I came up with the name Maria Collado. I said Maria Collado, she was from my first grade. I was like, that's ridiculous. What in the world would I have to do with Maria Collado? And then I wrote down that I was resentful that she called me stupid. I thought that was a bit tedious and I didn't even know it was tripping on Maria Collado calling me stupid. Do you know what I mean? Come on, 1st grade. But as I looked at it, I realized that that set of pattern in motion and every other relationship that I had

and that her calling me stupid really affected me in some way and actually had a lot to do with myself esteem and myself worth and my relationship with Maria Colada. And then I prayed for her calling me stupid, even though she was young and I was young. But nonetheless, obviously I must have had the resentment because it came out on the paper. Other than that, it wouldn't have came out. And then I looked at what happened with Maria Collado and where was I being selfish? Well, I didn't want her to call me stupid,

but you know, when I found out, I didn't even realize that what had happened was I punched her in the face. I totally forgot that part. And that's why she called me stupid.

So therefore I had caused her harm and she retaliated against me. Now, do you see how much stuff came out since I didn't analyze and question the name Maria Collado coming out on my paper? Now, had I had taken the approach in which you expressed, I would have eliminated Maria Collado from my list.

I called end up connecting with Maria Collado all these years later and I made amends to her

and she said to me, you know what's funny, Teresa, that when you hit me used to wear a bracelet with a Indian Arrowhead and I still have that scar.

She said. I don't remember what we thought about, but I still have that scar from that day that you did that to me.

Describe resentment. That's enough. Anything that I have been perturbed or offended by anybody,

I put that on the list.

I'm able to frame that they are going to be stuck on that because they are, you know, writing this novel and so forth. That is, they have been 202 hundred people and so forth.

And that is they don't they're going to go out to drink because the list gets so low because it's wrong. They are they are putting up names that that shouldn't be there. You understand what you say. So you're concerned that the person is going to spend so much time writing names that shouldn't be there that eventually going to get tired of writing and they going to go out and get drunk. You know, the truth of the matter is that if they really are willing and they want to stay sober, all that writing is going to keep them sober. They'll be so busy writing that they won't have

time to drink. If they go out and drink is because they wanted to. It had nothing to do with writing all those names. Yeah,

right now, yeah, I know people have done 200 names. It's kept them busy.

I don't worry about that. If anybody tells you they went out to drink, they wrote 200 names, they're lying. They wanted to have a drink anyway.

Yes,

this with new relationships

and say I'm not in a new relationships. I have six year relationships and we've married since one one year ago.

But he told me

if I wasn't in this relationship, I

I would listen. No, no relationships. I don't have time for that,

but I'm in this relationship and I shame so much during our six years

and I'm not the same person anymore with my within my sickness.

What do I tell my loved husband? Oh, that's so sweet. What do you tell your husband about the person that you're changing into all these years?

Is that the question

is, is he in the program?

OK,

I'm not quite sure how Al Anon works here, but Al Anon can help. As well as this book. The chapter to the wives also explains to the husband what

we when I'm

sober.

Yeah,

what? What do you do?

I go. I don't know who I am either.

No, really. I'm learning who I am. I'm discovering who I am.

See, sometimes the person who marries the alcoholic is only used to taking care of the alcoholic and then when the alcoholic gets sober, they don't know what to do with them

because they're used to cleaning up your mess. And so that happens. They honestly, they do have programs like Alan on to support them in that, to help them to know that they have a different role now and that relationships are constantly changing. I've been in a relationship now for 18 years

and I am not the same person that I was at 25. I'm 43, I'll be 44

of the same person,

and if I'm under the impression that I get into a relationship and you and I'm going to be the same for the rest of our lives, we're both delusional.

One day I like vanilla and one day I like chocolate.

I wake up and I look at this person I'm with and I go, I'll,

I don't know why I'm with you. I've changed my flavor.

You bore me now.

At one time you were exciting, but not anymore, and neither am I.

And so hopefully, as we say, partners and husband and wife, that we work together to understand that. I don't know what you tell him other than to be honest about what you're learning and what you're discovering about the disease of alcoholism and who you are. That's the best you can do. That's the best. And let him know how he can support you in that

and can he love you anyway?

That's the best suggestion. And I mean it. There is a chap, there are two chapters that help in this book. It is a chapter to the wives and the family afterwards.

And this entire book, it says to help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. So just because that person doesn't drink, that's your husband. It'd be very helpful. I've given my father this book, my stepmother,

so they can understand me.

I gave him the book

and hopefully it'll help they have a better understanding of what's going on because you're going to change again.

You're going to change again. Do you do to death? Do you part kind of thing?

I hope so.

I had to go out and ask people who've been together a long time how they do it

because I don't know what that is either. I usually ran away from the relationships or ended them. Or, you know, I mean, I wasn't quite healthy in them. And so I had to learn in sobriety, what does it look like to be committed in a committed relationship with somebody? And how do you get out too? Because I know how to get in and not get out.

So I had to kind of learn from other people. And anyway I could learn that was from asking other couples and people have been together long term relationships and applied the 12 traditions. I've learned from a lot of couples on how to apply the 12 traditions in the relationship. You could find that online too. They actually have the words of the 12 traditions in a relationship and bring that into the home.

That our common welfare comes first, That we eat self supporting.

So I've had to learn a lot in the rooms of our relationships. It's helped me tremendously.

You had your hand up.

Yeah, we're going to take a quick break because we we're going to be closing at 6:00. So we could do like quick puff, Puff 5, go to the bathroom, come right back, and then I'm going to run through like because I want to spend a lot of time on 12, so I'm going to run through 891011.