An event called "Journey through the Big Book" in London, Ontario, Canada

He had like 8 years of sobriety. He was our go to guy down in the valley. We need Cocaine Anonymous. You need an A, a contact down the valley. Call me and I'll give you Allana's number because it's he's active in the deal. He's worked the steps we know he has because he's working with us. He stays connected really. I think dropped off. He got a little pissing contest with somebody in cocaine. My name is Chris.

How cool is this? Solve the disagreement by taking this big guy going around and talk about this 12 steps.

And I can relate to this. I mean, I'm a I'm a big yeah,

a lot of work.

Remember he so he did he went home and he's sharp and goes to somebody church and he's okay. And yet gradually, day by day, the internal condition came back and started kicking his butt. And he answered in his head was about three years after he walked out of that meeting was

I can smoke pot. And that's what he did. And he led him back to the other stuff. And now he's

in Parliament that he's he's very sick now physically. And it's I see thousands of these things. Alcoholism is progressive. It's genetic. We talked about earlier and it will get you eventually. What worked for you 10 years ago ain't necessarily going to work with you today, which I'll need to hear about me. And my story is that I work with more guys now than I ever did when I first got sober. You follow. And it's like, because I have to, because I feel a sense of urgency to do it, some responsibility to do it,

but I want to stay connected. I got to tell you, you were talking earlier about the spiritual connection.

I watch an alcoholic synonymous all of our fellowships. I watch a bunch of us have the same experience over and over with God and and there's nothing wrong with that except that eventually it'll stop working for you. My sponsor always says, Chris, I smell more and that's what I'm asking you guys. That's what I'm, I smell more.

I don't want to live off the experience that I had 21 years ago. I sat on the tailgate of a truck two weeks after I started doing the work and cried in the presence of God, knowing that I was safe and that I was protected. And that was a pretty cool experience. Guys. I'm not living off that experience. I remember it because I talk about it quite frequently. But but I'm, I'm excited about the experiences that I've had. Somebody asked me about some spiritual reading and I've spent some time in airports and I find myself in those last year or two, just, you know,

I mean, being touched by other literature, not just a, a step this being pulled in certain directions. There's a couple of years ago, I made a, a decision that I wasn't going to do this anymore. I was sick and tired of taking flat from people that I didn't didn't want to take flat from. And,

you know, just because you tell somebody the truth doesn't make you mean, but it's, it translates that way sometimes, you know what I'm saying? I tell you something, you don't want to hear it, then I'm the bad guy. And yet the true friends that we have in this world, the people that will do that, my friends will tell me if I've got a little booger in my nose, you know,

but let's face it, most of us will just snicker and look the other way, you know, Oh my God, he's got a booger in his nose, you know, but, but some of you guys, you'll see, you'll call a spade a spade. And that's what we do. And we're not trying to be mean or hurtful, but we're just, you know, if, if, if what you're doing is working for you, rock on. But but if, if it's not working for you, if you don't feel like you're being fulfilled in the fellowship, if you're walking into these meetings and you're just bored with a A, then there's a problem there. Why don't we listen to this look at this spiritually and let's let's fix the problem

because that's what this is all about. This is spiritual growth is what Eddie is talking about. It's what Bill was talking about. I want to grow spiritually. I don't want to stay the same and God continues to man. I'm sitting in that one of the books, there's a book about the

homeless guys in Fort Worth written same difference as me. And he's written about this, this black guy, this, this slave and, and he comes and he's living on the street and he's anyway, he becomes friends with this guy and they, they start a mission and they're down there feeding the poor. And I'm sitting there and I'm out of about got everybody convinced I could get off the circuit. I'm, you know, talk to my sponsor and well, Chris, you do what you need to do. And I talk to work and talk to my wife and I'm going to back off and I'm going to only like to speak maybe 5-6 times a year. And I'm just going to back completely off, you know, And of course I read this book and I'm sitting on the airplane coming back from Seattle

and I am

there's a corn has a song called Coming Undone

and I'm on this plane and this this flight attendants walking by and she stops and she said, are you alright? And I'm

coming undone.

You follow. I'm sitting on this plane crying like a girl and have to put the book down. And I'll stop and I'll get my stuff together,

open it back up. Let's start crying again. It's like, because God's having his way with me sitting on that airplane, I wish he just waited till I got home, you know, so I could

so I could cry like a girl in private, but I got to do it on a cry on a crowded American flight. And I I just God is going to take you.

You know what God will tell me when I'm done. That'll tell you when you're done. You know, my mom asked me the other day. She said, Chris, when's your death to a a going to be paid. She she asked that all the time, every time holiday comes. When's your debt A I'm going to tell you something. My bet to synonymous will never be done. My Mama didn't. Yeah, well,

my Mama didn't see me eating out of dumpsters in Houston, TX. She did not. I made a special attention to to protect her from a lot of crazy stuff that we did out there, and she didn't have to see that. She didn't even know about it. But bottom line is, when will my debt be? Listen, guys,

when when when I'm sitting on the tailgate of that truck and it hits me for the first time in my adult life that the obsession to drink and the do cocaine need to eat those pills is gone. I'm going to tell you it was an experience and and I knew from that moment that you could get free from this. But those old geezers when I walked into alcohol synonymous that old guy that got hold of me and that kid that started to sponsor me, he was a year so, but less than a year. So when he started sponsoring me, he said, buddy, this is what we're going to do. My sponsor had me working with others. We did this in Iceland. I'm not realizing that all the page numbers were different.

All that great planning on my part was right at the window.

Those were unable to drink moderately with drug moderately and I had a problem in the world without that. I I'm here to share some experience with the the steps and sponsorship and the program of recovery from my perspective, my point of view, years working in the treatment center industry and years of trying to get so they're not being able to get soaked. So I do like get lots of emails from lots of people around the world and a lot of you guys are going to be truly do share my I don't know what I just said I'll do, but you

and your sponsor will say that's OK. I don't know either. We'll walk together through this. When I got there enough in 1987, these old guys got around and they said, Chris, the reason you can't stay sober is because you're selfish and self-centered to the core. You, you, you do great as long as everything is going your way. But when life starts throwing you some zingers, you crumble like a deck of cards. You need to realize that you're you have a place here that you're going to be able to touch certain people that nobody else can touch. So why don't you practice getting out of yourself? It's it looks like this. We're going to go make some coffee.

We're going to clean up the ashtray. No, I don't smoke. You clean up the ashtray? No, you're here to serve the group. We will clean up the ashtrays. You'll follow.

We need somebody to answer the phone. No, I just got here. I am the most important person here. Remember?

I got my little desire, Chip. I'm going to milk this for a while. I'm going to walk around and feel sorry for myself. And I think I'm detoxing still. I need to. No, they said, buddy, you can do that, but you're going to answer the phone. And the phone rang, Ding Ding, Ding, you know, and I'm sitting there.

No,

see, I don't want to look stupid. I said.

That's the biggest fear in this room right now. That's why you won't sponsor somebody. That's why you won't reach out to help somebody. You don't want to look stupid. You're afraid you're going to hurt somebody. Yeah. How can you hurt a drug? I mean, it's a train wreck.

It's already a bloody mess. You, you can't mess it up. We're going to go into this thing with working with others with a clear understanding that we are not therapists, we are not doctors and we are not bankers. I need to borrow some money. Don't do that.

I need some. What do I do? I don't know. I got a list. We did this in Iceland. I'm not realizing all the page numbers were different.

All that great planning on my part is right at the window

in the program of recovery. From my perspective, my point of view, years working in the treatment center industry and years of trying to get so they're not being able to get soaked. So I do like get lots of emails from lots of people around them. Eat me?

No, because I don't want to do anything because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Remember the first time somebody asked me to read how it works?

I've got a little. I'd get a little fat throat thing going on here. I don't know why you're afraid you. You're gonna mess it up. You are. Of course you are. So what? Everybody's gonna laugh. We're gonna move on. Stop taking yourself so seriously. These guys just sat right there waiting. I said, what do I do? She's now you're talking. Answer the phone. Lewisville Group

who's so good got that so far. I knew the person on the phone. That's how God works. She says, Chris, is that you? And I says so and so is that you and turned out I drank with her husband and she wanted a meeting for an hour. She said she wants an alumni meeting. She said the schedules right there. Let me show you right here. Tell her right here says listen, there's a meeting at 7:00 and I'll be right here. I'm not doing anything

obviously

social calendar completely empty and I'll meet you out fight you remember what I look like And there you go. And so she I waited for it. She pulled up and she got out. She says, oh, I'm so glad you're here. I was so nervous to do this, but I've got to do something. She said, what are you doing down here? I says I'm I'm sober

two days,

but but I'm but see, but this is the grinder, but I but I but I'm sober and I want to stay sober. You got to do exactly what the book it away. You follow took her to the meeting back there, got her a cup of coffee, introduced her to the lady that I just met that day in Al Anon and she hugged her neck. You'll follow. I walked back at that fun room.

You know, phone run somebody who's starting to reach. Listen, buddy, you got to be careful here. This, this phone is very important. Thank you. Be very dangerous.

I could be back down the hole in the bathroom, the phone ring. I'll get it. I'll get it. Oh, shit. They created a damn monster. But what they did was they gave me the opportunity to feel useful. You follow, guys. I'm less than 24 hours away from a suicide attempt, and now they're telling me you can do this. You can help us out.

Want to make a point real clear because people want to. People want to split hair through this all the time. Working with others doesn't necessarily mean sponsorship. You got to you can't show somebody how to do a four step unless you've done a horse step. But if you've done a four step, you'd better be out there showing somebody how to do a four step or you're going to forget how to do it. Makes sense. You got to. You can't give away what you don't have. But this idea that we're going to put a time limit, you can't sponsor anybody till you've been so over a year. Why?

Why we need We don't. We don't have time to wait for you to get a year under your belt because if you wait a year to start working with others, you're not going to get a year

working with others is anything that has to do with helping an alcoholic or doping stay. So you follow page 129. In the bottom of the page it says even if he displays a certain amount of neglect and irresponsibility towards the family, it is well to let him go as far as he likes and helping other Alcoholics during those first days of convalescent. This will do more to ensure his sobriety than anything else. Did you get it

during those first days of convalescence? And we're killing people all over a a land and telling people that they can't do anything.

They've been sober a period of time. Why can't the person if the meeting set up properly and you've got a format there, why can't a newcomer chair a meeting?

Why, why, why you got to have to wait six months before you can chair a meeting? Because if you wait too long to start feeling responsible,

you're not going to stay. So again, the book says unless you can give back, you're not going to be able to keep it. And we got these little ladder that buckaroos all over the country right now, one drunk at a time. This, this juggernaut of new sobriety. Of course, they're taking plaque from the old geezers, a lot of them sitting in the back of the room taking their inventory. They're too young. They shouldn't be doing that. You shouldn't sponsor anybody to you. Why? Because you see, in sponsorship, I'm not taking these little guys on the Rays. I don't want to raise you,

want to get you connected spiritually. Pat you on the popo and go get me another one.

No, no, that's why so many of you are afraid to do it. Well, what happens if you need this? What happens if she needs that? Then you connect them to a responsible member of the of the world unity. They'll talk what I'm saying you don't have to have it's okay in somebody to say, you know, damn it, I don't know,

let's go to my sponsor and we'll find out

here. I read this when I talk about working with others. Was in a box 459 around 2000. Right before 911 it came out. This is a Christmas time. It said the most frustrating thing about answering inner groups phones, says Bob. Our manager of the Intergroup Association in New York City is finding an AA member willing to take a 12 step call for some sick alcoholic whose bonus for help.

Sometimes it takes up to 20 calls to identify just one willing volunteer. Some of the responses we hear when live member actually does answer the phone. What's a 12 step call?

How did you get my phone number?

Do you mean you actually want me to talk to someone who's still drinking?

The status response came from a member who explained. No, I can't do it. I'm busy all day. Today is my sobriety anniversary.

I love you guys. This is guy. This is This is a result of what we call affectionately piss poor sponsorship.

We've let too many people off the hook the believing that you can get a free ride in this thing. You can't. Big Book says the price has got to be paid.

Everybody gets a chance to work with another drop in your own way. Not the way Chris Kramer does it. Not the way Ron does it. The way you do it. You with us. Bill Wilson and Bill Story up in the front. It says each in our own way carries the message. You don't have to be like me. We don't want you to be like me. That enough, thank you. Oh, we want you to be like you. That's who God made you. I've seen it 1000 times. You'll be sitting in there like this and little guy will come up and look around and he'll come sit right next to you

now. Now it's going to heat up. You can stay there and be awake, be present.

Is your spirit going to be alert enough to see what's happening here? He's coming apart at the seams, sitting right next to you. He keeps looking over at you. What do you think he wants? The time

he's coming undone, somethings happening.

Treatment centers told him to go find a sponsor. He's saddled up next to one of you guys comfortable with you. Do you get to decide?

Because they're going to turn right on you right after the meeting. Excuse me a minute. Can I talk to you for a second?

I need this. I'm not sure about this sponsored thing, but I think I'm supposed to get one

and then you get to decide you the responsible member.

So you say

you're going to dust it Her

Honey, I'd like to help you, but I just started with new job and kidney sick and I just really don't have time right now, but I could hook you up to somebody that can.

I'm going to ask you one more time. Who in the hell is in charge here?

I mean, last time I looked, God's in charge.

I think God knows that you're starting a new job and kids are sick. And I think you need something to get your head out of that for a minute and try to help somebody else. Otherwise you're going to crumble under a deck of cards. You'll understand what we're saying here. I just this idea. Myers talks about it from the podium. Somebody, there's some people that are good sponsors and some people are bad sponsors that let's everybody off the hook. My experience is that every little fruit cake in the world

has gets an opportunity to turn around and help somebody else.

That's what it's about. The guy that I sponsor, It's all about accountability. If I'm sponsoring you with me, we're through the steps in 30 days, 45 days Max. We're through the steps. And if you don't have a commitment, a service commitment and are not sponsoring somebody, we're having the talk

you follow because in this climate, if you can't find somebody to sponsor in in in a couple of months, you're not even trying, are you? Are you coming before the meeting and staying late? You know, are you coming in after? That's what I did for seven years, Chris, for seven years in alcohol and islands. Did you sponsor anybody? No. And you have the cojones to stand there and say that you were in a a for seven years. All of these guys, we talked about it earlier today. We come back in after a relapse, come back into the hospital. We ask them point blank said, buddy, how many people are you sponsoring? None.

Why

we're losing the battle Success rates through the toilet.

There's not enough to go around, especially with the women #1 e-mail I get from all over the world or women looking for women sponsors. There's thousands of women sober out there. They know exactly where to go to buy that special shampoo.

They can tell you all about lighting candles and taking long bubble baths and being good to you.

But if it gets down to brass tacks and I got to tell somebody how to finish a four step, get off dead center on that stupid of men, they can't do it. And so we keep sending them with the same women over and

over and over until they just get wore out.

It's time for everybody to get in the trench.

Y'all with it? We're laughing about it. Driving through Houston and important rainstorm. Looked over to my right hand side and you got it. They got a big ditch down there and they there's a couple little little Mexican laborers down there with shovels. I mean wet as if they crawled out of the river and then just pouring just just. And again, seven guys in slickers with clipboards stand on the outside of the ditch looking in, kind of pointing fingers, checking it out.

Welcome to our policy.

I'm preaching to the choir because I know exactly because I know a bunch of you in the room. You're active in service work. You're doing the deal. I've talked to you. You're sponsoring a bunch of people. I'm not even kind of going near you. Welcome,

but the cats that are not doing it. You're missing the point. I just touched on the first time you walk into an A, a club into an, a, a meeting, a church fellowship hall. And you walk in, you hear somebody talking in the back and you sneak around and you look around the corner and you see one of the little guys that you've been taking through the work and he's got a big book open and he's got his finger in this little guys nose and he's telling his Now listen here. Now I want you to pay attention here. I'm going to show you something really important here. Oh my gosh, like I tell you, you'll back up like this and you tears will come to your eyes because you'll start to see exactly what this is about.

You got to give it away in order to keep it.

Everybody gets to do it. The question to God is this, since where can I be of the most service? What can I do?

There's a great book out there called Alcoholics Anonymous, Tons of Age on page 119. It's one of my favorite passages. Unless each AA member follows, to the best of his ability, our suggested 12 steps of recovery, he almost certainly signs his own death warrant. Drunkenness and disintegration are not penalties inflicted by people in authority. They are results of personal disobedience to spiritual principles. We must obey certain principles or we die.

The principle of giving is the keystone of what this whole thing is about. 1 drunk working with another drunk, one little pillhead working with another little pill head. That's how this thing works. You give it away, you get to keep it. Remember what we talked about? What goes around comes around. So I'm over here taking care of this little girl that I don't even want. Some of these guys that call me guys. It's like, Oh my God, please God, anything but this guy. I hate this guy.

You'll follow, he comes up, says. Buddy, I know we've had our differences in the past, but I'm dying here. I really need some help. Can you, can you work with me?

Yes,

you follow. You can hear an audible click in the universe

because I'm doing something I don't want to do, but I'm going to do it because it's the right thing to do. And then over here I get to see some good stuff coming my way. I do it without that. I do it just with a sense of accomplishment.

Oh my gosh,

it's how XA speaker started in Iceland. Those little guys couldn't do 12 step work because nobody would let him do it. You got to be sold for two years, sponsor. You got to be sober this long to do this. You got to be sober that one, you see, but you don't understand. I can't stay sober unless I work with somebody, unless I feel useful. So they started exercise figuring. Tell me how many thousand people have been helped by those websites? 24 hour radio station out there on the ocean,

hundreds of emails from ship captains out there alone by themselves trying to stay sober, able to access those radios and those downloadable CDs

because two little knucklehead meth heads Alcoholics

told the hierarchy.

Eat it.

I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I think we respect our elders. If you want to talk to me about the book and you want to talk to me and guide me and help me grow spiritually, I'm right there with you. If you want to tell me what I can't do in God's world, I want to tell you to back off. We got too many people in this fellowship telling people what they can't and cannot do and this is up to God. See, here's what happens. Those guys got me in 1987 and I'm a fried pie. I tried to paint a picture of what I would like, but guys, I was insane

and one of the things y'all need to understand it they I make it sound like one that they were really mean and they weren't. They were very straight with me because that's what I needed. I couldn't think in grazing and shoes. It was black or white and they were very direct with me, but they didn't let me just run here Chris, go get him. They they walked with me. They set me down at the meetings as Chris we're going to chair the meeting. Oh man, I don't want to do this. I know you don't buddy, but we need to get started because we need somebody to volunteer next month. I'm going to show you how to do it. Come on, get up

and they walk through him. They show me what the words were and they explained how we do this. You with us. They taught us. That's what we are in Alcoholics Anonymous. There were teachers or teachers. One of the biggest problems I have, I'm going to line this. One of the biggest problems that we have guys in our fellowship today is that we have too many people just doing it the same old way. It hasn't worked before. Our meeting formats are killing our fellowship. I know we were talking earlier about the great one. It was a great little article that talked about open discussion meetings and everybody bought

the early 70s. And one of the things that happened was, is that everybody in their attempt to bond with the treatment center industry decided that open discussion meetings or what we needed to do in the early days, what we had was speaker meetings and step meetings. You with us. That's what we did early days, but we don't do that anymore. What we did was we got on the open discussion. The newcomer needs a chance to talk about where he's at because if he doesn't talk about it, he's going to drink over it. But you see that's not what the big book said. The big book says shut up talking about and go help another drunk and you can say so,

but we set up these little rules. Not a meeting to 90 days. Why?

Why

it might be OK here in London when you've got 1000 meetings? Well, what about some little burg over there? In, in, in, in the, in the farmland. They got one meeting a week.

Well how bad do you want to stay sober? Not in meetings in 90 days. But Hun, that means I've got to drive 9090 miles to get to a meeting. That means I can't do the farming, I can't be at the kids recital, I can't do my other stuff.

Wow. I think if we were supposed to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, I think if we were supposed to be in a meeting every day, it would have said so in the book. But it doesn't. It says we're supposed to be of service to our human

fellows. We're supposed to reintegrate with the mainstream of life. I'll tell you this right now folks, I don't care how new you are,

if you got to make a decision, but you go into your son's Little League game and go into an IA meeting, you better get your ass to that Little League game.

We're not painting a good y'all. Y'all run with this one. I can see already, but Chris said we Chris said we don't need meetings.

It's it's amazing to me what y'all hear me say it freaks. I'm not saying that. I'm just I'm sick and tired of the little one liners killing people in our fellowship. I went to a listen, guys, I didn't have anything going on when I first got sober. I was in a meeting every damn day, sometimes twice. I went to probably over 100 meetings in 90 days. I mean, I, I, I didn't have a problem with that. You with us the guys that came to time that I had to go get two jobs so I could make financial restitution. Now, do I need to be going to a meeting because meeting makers make it, or do I need to go pay the people that I've screwed for years?

I need to go pay the people I screwed for years

and then I can go back to the meeting.

Follow

can't work with anybody. Why? Phil Wilson's working with people like that, and that's why he stayed. So how do you learn to work with others? You work with others. It's not something you can read out of a book. You've got to go do it and we're going to teach you how.

One of the things I do with the AA guys that I get responses that I get. I spent some really quality time talking to him about one, the history of our products Anonymous and the legacies that have been passed down. You'll realize that just a generation ago, I mean, how many people, hundreds and thousands of people were dying of this disease, locked up in insane asylum and all of a sudden 1935 comes down the pipe and we got this real thing that worked. Now there's millions of us just in a a alone million does us sober.

We are the we are the one thing that has been proven to work for real Alcoholics and real drug acts. This is the one thing that works

if the responsibility of each of us to carry that message. When they came out with that responsibility placard, they talked about it. They talked about we in a desert with a lot of it. We we as a fellowship. We as a fellowship, but it starts with me,

it starts with me. I'm responsible

if I'm sitting in a meeting and the little newcomer walks in the door and the whole group is sitting in, talking and visiting, having a good old time. It's my responsibility to get off my dead ass. Excuse me? I'm leaving for just a second. I'll finish this in a minute and go see if I can grab that newcomer. That's what guy that I sponsor do. They watch the door? They can watch the babe over here too,

and I know they're doing that because I'm watching her too.

You think that stuff stops when you get sober? You're mistaken. I'm happily married, but I watch everything. But I'm also, but I'm also watching the damn door. I'm paying attention to what's going on there because if somebody comes in and one of my guys is not there, we're going to have a talk.

You follow my responsibility. I'm not going to look the other way. Hey, buddy, the little new guy came in. He's sitting in the back the whole damn time. Not one of you went and got and saw him. Why you pop

'cause your job is to do that. It's not the visit. You can visit later. Go get the cat. That's what we do. Talk to him about the responsibility to carry this message to the alcoholic and we get him active in bed. I talked to him about a a etiquette. We don't talk about it much. We're not going to talk about it a lot now, but I have a responsibility to teach you if I'm sponsoring you, how to dress in an AA meeting, what to do in an AA meeting, how to be punctual. I know some of this has got to go. If you're an old geezer, you need to pee a lot. Sit close to the bathrooms so that you're not disturbing everybody in the place every time you get up with us.

Ladies, I'm telling you, half the complaints that my wife gets are the women she sponsored. Those men look at me. They look at me like I'm a whore. Honey, stop dressing like one. Good.

I understand fashion, but Gee whiz, I mean, it makes an old man like me sweat. You wonder about these little new guys, trying to get them to focus. Oh my gosh, you'll follow what I'm saying. We talk about etiquette. We talk about hitting on time and, and, and and talking to the speaker and being a part of the group. And you see something happening, you know, you take care of it. You be a part of this thing because that's what we are.

Doctor Bob's deal, one of his best quotes was, you know, carry the message. And if you must use words,

because people are watching us, they see us in meetings. So pay attention how you dress when you speak from the podium and what you say. And you know, the way we do it, the attention,

I, I started sponsoring guys when I first got sober, not because I wanted to do again, because somebody pointed out that it was my job to do that. And, and I thought it real hard because I didn't want to, you know, get involved in that. And I thought I could put it off. And I was so lucky that I had somebody that really quite unfortunately to do it. And I've been sponsoring people ever since. I have a sponsor Mark Houston in, in in Maine of Texas.

A lot of y'all know Mars is a good friend of mine. He's a, he's a, he's been a good sponsor, good friend and, and, and I love him dearly. And he has a has people he sponsors and, and I, I do, I sponsor a bunch of guys local and a bunch of a lot of long distance. We have a little group called Mad Dogs. We we every two weeks, every on Thursday nights.

Tonight they're meeting without me and

there'll be 40 people in there. People I sponsor, the people you sponsor and people do I my lineage and we'll get in there and we do an accountability group, a little mini steel on steel. I've got those formats if you ever want them because you can start that stuff. But it's a great way to keep your women. If you're sponsored a bunch of women, you get together and it's about holding each other accountable. How many, how many meetings are you going to? How many guys are you sponsoring? What's your weekly commitment?

Well, I've committed to come to the meeting on Tuesday night. That's not a commitment. Making a damn coffee and taking the ashtray got to commitment. Picking the stupid act the butts up from the parking lots of commitment. You'll follow. Everybody gets a service commitment or we don't play. And it's, it's just, it's we just get a chance to be real with each other because the more people we talked about it earlier that can get to know me.

My exercise program, guys, was completely changed as a result of a little guy that was about six months sober busting my chops about my dishonesty around exercise.

I quit smoking the other two years ago, quit dipping, quit smoking cigars as a result of a little guy with Brandy sober calling me on my stuff.

You with me, pastors, I hated them. I know today. Don't you know who you're talking to? No, but you see, I give the guys, we have these things in Alcoholics Anonymous. We have these things called unsigned death packs and a lot of you guys are a part of that. I'm going to not call you on your stuff if you don't call me on my stuff and we're going to be kumbaya until the day cows come home. We just I love you, love you, love you, you with me and you can cheat on your wife and you can lie on your expense reports and you can do all this other happy horse, but I'm not going to say anything because you'd have to say something with me too. We don't do that. I'm going to watch your back.

Watch my back with me,

I am my brothers keeper.

I can ever help you. You let me know.

Meeting formats need to change, folks. I don't know. I love the primary purpose formats for the workbooks. I love the I love the Advil season meetings. I love the big book meetings where we just read a couple of paragraphs and talk about it. Anything that takes us away from well, this is your meeting. What do you want to talk about today?

And everybody laughs and everybody says I hate those kind of meetings. And yet the meeting formats stay, stay open discussion heavy with that.

I know some people like that, but a lot of people stay away from my fellowships because of those needs. They cannot stand those needs. So let's have a few more big meetings, literature based meetings. We can't go wrong with those meetings because we're going to end up one way or another talking about the steps and God. And that's ultimately what we're acting. You're cool with that?

And yeah, big time.

And I was 14 years old, I and I remember about the age that I was because I was sitting out on a back porch

picnic table thing there. My dad used to sit out there in Granny. And this was long before I started drinking. I think it's 17,

the month that Bill Wilson passed away in 1971. I started drinking in January 1971, but I'm sitting there on the net,

Goat Creek Rd. This is country. They come and I'm sitting out there and I and I'm crying and my mom comes out and I'm trying to hide the tears and dusk and she says what's what's wrong, what's what's up? And I'm coming apart. You'll understand the spiritual malady at 14 years old kicking my ass. I'm irritable, restless and discontent. I have this low self esteem, the speeding of uselessness. The depression is kicking my butt with me now. Three more years. I was to find the solution for that. It's called Boone's farm apple line,

but at the time I didn't have it. But my prayer to God that night after mom left my prayer with the God was and I was a church guy from the Baptist Church and my my prayer to God was God. I just feel so useless.

If you could just find something that I could be useful at, just give me a, a job, I'd be cool. I mean, I remember like it was yesterday. I wish I'd been more specific with a prayer. I wish it involved a hot woman and lots of money, but it wasn't. It was. I wish I could be useful. That was the prayer, you know, Fast forward, you know, three more years, I took a drink. 19 years later, I crawled into an, A, a meeting after suicide attempt,

I guess about six months after that, I'm sitting over at this other group in Lewisville, TX and helping this old geezer pick up coffee cups. And I've got the I got the drill down. I know what I'm supposed to be doing and

any washing coffee cups and he's got these little glasses off and I've talked about this 1000 times. Some of you have heard me talk about it. His name was ML. He's passed away now, but he's he was old sober, long time and he took his little glasses off like I had. He was wiping his glasses and his eyes were teared up just like mine are now. And he looked at me and he says, he said, Buddy, I

he says we need you

cotton short.

We need you

see, that's like light years compared to keep coming back. We're taking working. That's a general statement.

He looked me in the face with tears in his eyes, and I want to argue with him about it. Like, what could I possibly do? He said. You need to understand, he says the legacy is carried from Bill Wilson and Doctor Bob and those first 100 to the next generation and the next generation. And if you break that, then how many

other people are not going to get the message? We have so many people out there that want to talk about the damage we did. You drank a drug that you caused all this problem. And we we seem to want to focus on that. But just think, just a simple act of doing this.