The 30th Louisiana Al-Anon State Convention in Baton Rouge, LA

He just seemed like I'd known him forever when I first started talking with him. And he has been very active in service work and been influential in helping us to become more active in or I speak for me, for me becoming more active in service work. In fact, he came to Lake Charles not very long ago and spoke at our workshop. We had our workshop was wonderful. So we had other people there too. But since I'm introducing him,

I guess I better stick with Jay.

Oh, he's so delicate, as you all know, from Louisiana to go to World Service. He's very active in all service work and very active in meetings. He also can bring into his personal life our three legacies, you know, the steps, the traditions and the concepts. And I think that's wonderful because I see he's living this program. I mean, his actions. And I and one of the notes I wrote to him, I, I thanked his wife for sharing him with us because he's been so helpful to all of us.

At this time, I'd like to introduce Jay.

Hi, I'm JP. I'm a member of the Worldwide Fellowship of Fallon ON

Thank you for inviting me to be your speaker tonight. And our teams, our teams have change begins within and you know, everything changes and my life has changed and changes is constant, but it brings a lot of good things in me and hope to that I can share some of my my experiences and see what changes has done to my life.

And one of the biggest change occurred when I was back in high school and our teacher assigned the class to gather the information about different countries and present it to the class. And my group was assigned with United States of America and

all the information that I gather. I was just absolutely fascinated about this country, the technological advancements, you know, automobiles and rockets and high rising buildings. And you don't see all those things in India. So I was really, really impressed. And I just, you know, started discussing that, hey, you know, I would like to go to United States someday to study and find out and, you know, get to know this country.

And

my teachers supported me. And my parents were the biggest supporter. And they said that, you know, my dad said that he will take care of all the expenses and just follow my dreams. And by the time I graduated from high school, my mind was made of that I will definitely go to the United States to study some sort of engineering. And my dad wanted me to come here after high school and I wasn't ready.

I didn't speak good English and I wanted to make sure that I have some

career or something, a degree. So if I fail in this adventure, at least I have something that I can fall back on. So I went to Saint Xavier's high school and all the professors were Jesuits priests. So that's what I know. I learned a lot about English speaking English writing. All the books were in English and I did ABS degree in chemistry and physics and after that I was ready to come to United States.

So on January 27th 1967 I came to United States to go to Louisiana State University to study chemical engineering and I was 22 years old. Can I get some water, please?

I was 22 years old and full of energy, full of dreams, and it was one of the biggest excitement that I had ever, ever been on any kind of trips. And I, I spent my first night at the Pleasant Hall on Pleasant Hall on LSU campus. And

it was a long journey. So I was tired and I fall asleep and I was dreaming and, you know, I was with my family. I was having a great time. And middle of my dream, I woke up

and the room that I was in didn't look anything like my home.

And for a minute I didn't know exactly where I was. I jumped out of my bed and I was literally shaking. And this is the first time I realized that I'm all alone, far away from home, you know, oceans and land, you know, many lands away. And it will be a long time before I will see my family.

I was also a vegetarian so I had a difficult time getting adjusted to the to the non veg non vegetarian food.

Didn't didn't think about that either

and by the end of the semester I had lost 30 lbs and I weighed about £120

and about a mid semester I got a note from the Dean of Engineering Doctor Ferguson. He wanted to see me for my grades and and most of my grades were absent D's.

And you know, I didn't sleep all night. You know, I said how am I going to explain to Doctor Ferguson my sorry state of existence? And but he welcome me with a firm shake hand and a smile on his face. And he said that what I'm going through is not unusual

and many foreign students to go through an adjustment period and especially someone like me coming from as far away as from India. And he also recommended that I should drop all the courses that I'm failing

and rather than going to the summer school, just go to do a summer job, get adjusted and come back to study hard. And I tell you, he gave me a lot of hope and I understood that I just need to take it easy. I'm going to the adjustment period and after a while I'll settle down. I'll be OK. And I couldn't wait till the end of the semester. And I got on the

New Orleans to San Francisco Greyhound Express and

boy was it was great. You know, finally I'm getting a chance to see the country that I have admired so long. And in those days they were like a double Decker Greyhound buses. And I slowly made my way up to the front row seat. So I had a, you know, huge glass window in front of me. And for 2 1/2 day journey, I hardly slept. I just, you know, even even the bus moving at a station in the middle of the night, I got up and, you know, I walked around to see.

So I usually I made to I made it to Lake Tahoe and I found a job as a kitchen helper in one of the big casinos up there.

And I soon found out that just a bowl of cereal in the morning and and fruits, it just not going to carry me through 8 hours of work.

But the as a kitchen helper I was, I was also entitled to three free meals a day. So, you know, I thought that, you know, this is an ideal opportunity for me to get used to it. So one day I got brave and I went to to the to check a chef Jack and I asked me to fix me a hamburger without the meat Patty.

And he turned around and he looked at me and he started just jumping and laughing and it just created a big commercial. So all the kitchen staff came over and they heard and they all had a big laugh.

But he fixed me a hamburger and I enjoyed it. It was great. And one day I was sitting in the lunchroom drinking Coke and he came, you know, Jack came and sat next next to me and he said, how come I'm not eating? And I said, you know, I can't eat this all. Everything has meat and I'm a vegetarian and I need to get adjusted otherwise, you know, before I get another summer because if I don't, I really do not know what will happen to me. So he says, don't worry, you know, why do you have to tell me earlier? I can take care of it. So he started making me

and chicken salad sandwiches. And, you know, they didn't look like meat. They didn't taste like meat. And they were delicious.

And, you know,

so I was, you know, I was just just happy crying his sandwiches. And there were three other restaurants in the casino and, and, and those chefs found out and, you know, so they started bringing me small servings of steaks and lobsters and shrimp and wow, it was great.

And, you know, every day almost everybody will ask me how am I doing? And, you know, they were just happy to see me happy. And I just couldn't believe that so many strangers would come to my rescue. You know, I thought it was I'm alone. This is my problem. And I was just, you know, I was not talking about it. But it, it really surprised me that so many people care for me. And today, I do not know if they hadn't taken time to, you know, nurture me, I don't know what I would have been. I probably would have gone back home

language. So I came back well adjusted to go to study and I started making good grades and I was doing great.

My social life at, at LSU was very limited. I spent a lot of time on studies. It was, that's why, you know, I came here for and, but I had quite a few Persian classmates and they lived a few doors down from my apartment and they used to have parties all the time, live music, open door. So, you know, by midnight, you know, their apartment will get packed with all the party goers.

So once in a while I go in and they'll check out to see, you know, what's all this commotion about? It was great, you know, and

summer of 69, one of those parties, I met my first wife, Judy, and man, she was a movie star. She had a great personality, you know, everybody knew her. She was just joking and laughing and, and

we went out a few times and we started dating and it was just a joy to be around. You know, I'm kind of shy, quiet, studious guy and she was just constantly she was just talking jokes and funny and,

and, and I just enjoyed that she was just a wonderful company. But after a while, I realized that this is going to may interfere with my studies. So I gracefully back out and I told her that, you know, I'm getting big assignments and it's taking a lot of time. So I got to go back to study. That's why I have come here for and a few months later she called me back and she said that she's studying nursing and she's taking chemistry and physics classes and she's having a little difficulty. And if I would

excuse me if I, if I would help her.

And I told her that I study at the LSU library and, you know, she can come over there and meet me and I'll, I'll, I'll work with her. And she came and a few times and, and before we know it, we were going steady at LSU library. We became study partners. And one day she came over to my apartment and she saw a large collection of rock'n'roll records. And she's, you know, she found out that I like music, but I never go dancing.

So she says that, hey, you know, there is a club across the river in Port Island called He and She Club.

And,

you know, they play this kind of music and you will really enjoy it,

man. She was right. I walked into club and had a they had a glass dance floor and, you know, all kinds of Reds and greens and blue lights were just flashing and, and they wouldn't have a had a psychedelic projections on the wall and on the ceiling. And they were, you know, synchronized with the music. So at the view of the music, they were all flash and it was great

and

she liked she liked those four ounce cans of shit smog liquor that came in a blue silver can. She loved it. I mean, you know, I just had never seen her so happy, you know, with

and

I made sure that I had enough money to buy all the small sweet smog liquors.

A wonderful partnership was in works.

We were studying good, we're parting good. And we were inseparable. And one day she invited me over to her house for for dinner and to meet her family. And I said, yeah, you know, it'd be great. Yeah. I have never been to any American family, but I'm not quite aware of the social significance of this event. But you know what I mean.

And

her dad thanked me over and over for studying and helping her studies because, you know, her grade had come come up quite a bit since we started studying together.

Her mother was, you know, great. She she was just a lovely personality, made me feel home, welcome me. Her two sisters and her husbands and children came over, aunt and uncle in next door. They came over and it was just wonderful to be a family. It was a great family and kind of many homesick for a little while. I miss my family, but it was a great family. And nothing is happening in the kitchen, you know. So I asked her, I said, Are you sure invited me for for dinner. I said, yeah, that is going to

some crawfish.

And she's as she told her dad to show me. So he took me to the backyard and you know, there is a, a tin Oval shaped tin can, you know, plug water and he says a crawfish in there and I'm looking at it. You know, sun is shining and I'm looking for fish in it, you know,

and I said I don't see anything. So he picked up a can of salt and sprinkle it and being the water started boiling. All these black creatures were just

this gross me out.

So I really sad and I, I pull around the side and I, you know, smoke in your ear. I said there is no way I'm going to eat this.

And she said hush up and act like you know what you're doing.

Yeah, No, I had to make a good impression. You know, I can tell. But Dad, that you know, hey, I'm not going to eat this

well anyway. So, you know, I, I sat through the whole process of boiling and

this is a new concept for me. That's something, you know, a massive quantity of this live creatures will be killed in front of me.

Yeah,

and I just ate corn and potatoes.

So her dad thought that, you know, I didn't know how to peel the coffee. So he know showed me how to peel and I still won't eat anything. So he peels you for me, you know, and and so I had to eat. So I just dipped them in a sauce and, you know, I just swallowed them whole

laying on and all, you know, it turned out to be a wonderful evening. And and her mother, you know, asked me, invited me to dinner over to their house. She says that she cooks dinner, supper every Sunday and the whole family gets together and ask me, you know, to come by anytime I want to. And I did go there

quite a few times. Excellent cook and just wonderful,

wonderful people.

I graduated in August 70 and I visited my family and it was it was great. So you enjoyed it. And of course I brought up the subject of Judy that, you know, I'm going to get married and why they didn't like that idea at all. And

but, you know, I talked and I explained and I think what it boiled down to that they were disappointed that they knew

that I will not be coming back home and I will not be a part of their life. And that was the biggest concern that they had. Yeah. I came back and Judy graduated from nursing year later. And then we got married. And it was wonderful. We we both were working. We were making lots of money. And we had never seen this kind of money before. I mean, you know, we had we bought a house within two years. We bought a house. We had two automobiles.

She filled out the whole house with all kinds of furniture that

she wanted. We had quite a few friends and we were having, you know, lots of parties. We were taking big vacations

at work. Things were going great for me. The fire engineers came together by miraculous reason. We were all very talented. We worked hard. We are We became brother. We still hang out together and

we were very successful and we were handsomely rewarded for our our talents and any challenge they threw at us. We stood up to it and we perform and we completed all our projects ahead of the time and, and less than the projected cost and all that stuff.

Five years into our marriage of our first son was born and he brought another level of excitement. And it was just beautiful to just come home to see, you know, both of them happy and smiling. And at that point we decided that my salary had doubled, more than doubled by that time. So we decided that she will stay home and take care of the baby and we moved into a bigger house because we had planned to have more children. So

that's something that we had planned and

things were things began to change after that.

She decided that she's not going to have any more children. And I just couldn't imagine just raising, you know, one son by himself. And I did everything that I could do. But I soon learned that that was not negotiable. And she was firm. And so, you know, I said, well, let it go and just try to be happy with what we have and, and, and, and just be content. And I just let it go

while Fuchs kept getting rushed from that point on. And her drinking is getting worse and worse at this point. And she started complaining about the job that, you know, phone rings all the time. Now, that is nothing new. The kind of job I had, you know, I spent a lot of time at the plant. That's the time I come late. Sometime I have to go there in the evening. Sometime I have to spend weekends there. But she said that she doesn't want all those phone calls

at home and it's affecting the piece of the home and she doesn't want it. So

I started looking for a job and I found a job and I turning my resignation and it was like a bombshell. Nobody understood because we were so successful. We were, we were like friends. And there was nothing at, at at work that that would cause me to turn in the resignation. And, and they were all wondering, you know, why would I turn in a resignation? Because it was a total surprise to them. So I just lie and I say, you know, this new opportunity offers more promotional.

Possibilities. So, you know, that's why I'm going.

And so the new job was great. I came home at 4:30 and there were no phone calls. But things kept getting worse. And now, you know, she's attacking me, that I'm not a good husband, I'm not a good father. I'm not pulling the load. And it just, that's why my confusion began. You know, I'm beginning to think that, you know, what is going on here. And her drinking is getting

bad at this time. And but somehow I convinced myself that you know this how this is how the lives are. You know, many couples fights and probably not any unique in any way.

So I just learned to live with it and it went on for quite a few years. And one day I realized that my son is getting affected by all those things. And that's where I woke up and I went to see a, went to see.

Excuse me? I went to see a counselor and I talked to her for over an hour and at the end of the hour I was totally exhausted and I was crying uncontrollably. This is the first time I told anyone what is going on in my home. And she grabbed my two hands, looked into my eyes, and she said that from what I described, she believes that my wife may be suffering from the disease called alcoholism.

I'm totally unaware of these things. I don't know anything about it,

but I felt good that somebody in this world understands what is going on in my home

and it is a disease, so there has to be an answer. So I ask her, you know, when can I bring her to see the doctor?

She was a nice lady and with a straight face she said that, you know, there are no doctors and there are no medicine for this disease, but there is a treatment program. And if my wife wishes to go through the treatment, then there is a good chance that, you know, she may get well now you know, that is just not acceptable. You know, I say you just don't even to be my wife and I'll make sure she comes here and she will go through the treatment program.

Yeah, we get as sick as the Alcoholics.

She said that it doesn't work that way. And she said that I'll have to let all the close family members and all the friends know what is going on and we will have to get everybody support to talk to Judy and the sheep. She can, you know, if you all can work and and try to get her, convince her to come to treatment. And that's absolutely not. I cannot do that because nobody knows about this. And if I tell him, you know, it will be a big shock to them. So we cannot do that. And she says no, we'll have to do that.

And

another bombshell.

We have hidden this thing so carefully that it came as a big surprise to everyone. They just had no idea that something like this was happening. It has gone this far and

we went through the treatment program, but it just didn't work out for us at all. We we fought like cats and dogs all through through the early part of the treatment and I guess we had waiters so long that over over relationship was bad, badly better and neither one of us had any interest to really work on the relationship.

So we were just arguing and making things worse.

So finally we were going through the outpatient treatment. So finally our counselor pulled us together and told us that we both need to go to inpatient treatment on a one-on-one counseling and we both categorically refused. So finally we agreed that OK, we will go through marriage counseling. And we did that. And again it didn't work. Our mind was made-up to just be part,

so we finally should be separated. In 1984, we separated. And now my first, my worst nightmare has come true.

This is the lowest point of my life and I truly believe that I'm finished. There is no hope for me. Nobody will ever want to be my friends. I will never be happy again. And the thoughts are going home came also. But my my family, my friends, my teachers had such a high expectation of me that if I go home like this and I would be a great disappointment to them.

This kind of negative thoughts are running through my head like runaway freight train all the time that I couldn't stop.

But once in a while I would hear what my counselor at CDU used to tell me, that hey, Jay, you need to start going to three to four Alana meetings a week.

I had nothing to lose and I was willing to try anything. So I started attending three to four Alana meetings a week. And I went there and I say, you know, I have much bigger problems. You know, I just don't see how this Al Anon is going to help me. And that's that. Keep coming back.

And I said, you know, my problems are much bigger. You know this little piece of cloth hanging on the wall, it's just not going to help me.

It says just keep coming back.

I definitely noticed something. There was a sparkle in their eyes and it was like they were holding a candle in their heart and the light was shining through their eyes and it was so bright that it was almost impossible not to notice it. I knew they had it, I wanted it, and I decided that I would keep coming back until I find it. And I attended meeting for almost nine months and nothing was happening and I was getting very frustrated.

During this time I was also traveling into West Virginia area on my business travel. And during the weekends I will drive around and I found this beautiful place in the wilderness area called Dalisades. Let's have mountains, valleys, water streams, waterfalls and there is a dirt Rd. that runs on top of a a mountain and turned out to be my favorite place. I'll just go and sit there

and soak up the Mother Nature peace and quiet. You can hear the winds blowing to the pine trees

and we're chirping miles away. And I noticed the trees, pine trees look very strange. They grew branches only on one side of the trunk. And I inquire among the local people and they said that the northern winds blow so hard that the trees grow branches only on one side, so they don't approve themselves. It was a second time I was there and I was sitting there looking at those trees, and I came to realize that my life is like those trees, one-dimensional.

This is the first time I saw myself just the way I was, a broken man, a hopeless man.

I'm looking at myself and I can hardly recognize the person I have become. And I sat there and I cried. I cried for the longest time, all the very feeling that I had kept within me for so long. They're pulling out like a water from a broken dam.

All the hard work and all the sacrifices, doing all that. My dreams have come to turn to dust. And what a sad weekend. I cried most of the time and I returned to Baton Rouge and I was walking out of the airport. I made a promise to myself that from this day forward, I will be probably #1 and I will do whatever it takes to be happy, Joyce and free.

That I truly deserve and I

ask a very special person to be my sponsor

and made a commitment to work through the steps. But yet I will come to another hurdle that will buy for me for quite some time. I was spiritually dead and I was really struggling to understand what it is, how can I find it? And I was not really finding anything. And I was at a panic state. And one day after the meeting, I was talking to a friend about my dilemma and she wrote down a name and a phone number and say, you know, he may help me.

So I called Father Lafayette at Saint Patrick's Church and then appointment to go see him

and Father Lafayette listened to me for a while, my struggle about faith and and spirituality. And after all he said that Jay, there is a log link lay across the world that you want to cross. It is barely big enough to sustain your weight. If you just tiptoe, you will make it across. But if you just stop in the middle and start crushing, whether you're going to make it through or not, you may not.

He invited me to attend the church and also, you know, visit with him as often as I want. And he also told me about the RCIA program and he said that it's already on the way. But when it when they start again, they will let me know. So before I left, I went to the church to pray. And as I entered the church, I realized that I had been to this church before about six years ago for the baptizing ceremony of one of my good friend at work. It sounds baptizing ceremony and we had party Hardy the night before and

all

all five of us were saying they're big hangover and a splitting headache.

I could hardly keep my eyes open and but by the time I left the church my headache was completely gone and this has never happened to me. Somehow I felt warm and I felt like I'm in the right place and I started attending the church

when I was still struggling with the spirituality. My sponsor finally convinced me that, hey, you know, I need to move on and start working on step 3-4 and five.

So I made the commitment and I say, no, we'll start working on on those steps. And

do I understand what's that #3 means that only I need to believe. And if I could believe, then there's a good chance that I may be restored to sanity. And

based on that, as you know, with with a lot of love and support from my my Alan and friends, I decided to take the journey of the fourth step. It was a journey of self discovery.

I took the furious and all inventory of myself and I realized that I had done a lot of right things for wrong reasons and many wrong things for right reasons. And some of my motives were not clear to me, and most of my motives were driven by anger, fear, resentment, jealousy and all kinds of negative feelings and negative thoughts.

I began to meditate to find the real reason behind my motives and it was difficult to breakthrough my denial and myself righteous attitude to see the truth. But I continue to meditate and I began to see the character defects hidden behind my selfish motives.

A fractionist, super caretaker, people pleaser succeed at any cost. Some of the character defects, just to name a few.

And

I realized that my actions had caused harm to many people around me, including myself. And I also came to understand that I was an equal contributor to my failures, and I stopped blaming other people from my problems. And I began to take the responsibility for my actions. I'd mail my character defects to my sponsor, and I made most of my amends to people I had harmed by changing my attitude towards them.

This journey taught me the true meaning of humility. And now

with that understanding, I was able to accept myself just the way I am, full of character assets and full of character defects.

And it also helped this change in attitude also helped me to forgive myself that I'm just a human being capable to make mistakes. And

I did the best that I could with what I knew and what I had. And the journey of the door steps helped me discover myself and help me understand who I am and why I act and react the way I do.

I also turn my character defects over to the care of God and pray to have them removed. And since I understood my character defects, now I began to observe that that the how they're affecting my attitude and my relationships. And I began to make positive changes in my attitude and my actions. And it began to make me feel good about myself. No wonder I was spiritually dead. My spirit was buried under all those negative feelings and negative thoughts

and myself. Righteous attitude was blocking me from really understanding and finding the truth. But now all those things were wrong and I could reconnect back to my spirit. I can begin to feel my inner spirit and I began to feel the true happiness coming from within me. And

sorry, I find that if I stay connected with my spirit, then I would be I would be staying connected with my higher power. If I can see the connection between the dewdrop and the ocean, then I can feel the connection between my spirit and my higher power. And this was a wonderful gift and and I, I cherished the hard work that I did doing the four step brought me this to this understanding.

And by this time the church was starting the RCIA program. So then what? They invited me and

I went to the first

weekend retreat and we were all given a copy of Bible and asked to meditate. And I'm sitting on the tree and I said the book in front of me and I'm looking at it and I know very little about this book. And I just didn't know where to begin. And I also begin to begin to question, you know, what am I doing here and and how am I going to relate to all these things? And then I picked up the book and my eyes focused on the words which said

Ask any shall receive and not any shall open.

God was always there in my life. It was I who was shared from the inside and

today, today I understand that staying in contact with my spirit keeps me in contact with my Higher power. The RCA program was wonderful. I met a lot of parishioners, they were there for me during the Sunday maths and also for each retreat. And there are many others that were praying for me who didn't even know me. And it was spiritually uplifting and it also helped me

build a strong relationship with God.

So I do what what I had promised to myself that I will do whatever it takes to find the happiness, joy and freedom. And finally I was there and I, you know, I had promised myself and I did that. And

to me, today is a daily process. I have to constantly stay in contact with my spirit and my higher power and, and because of that, I keep coming back and I stay in contact with step #10 and 11. And

today I know that those things are very important to me.

If I just let it go, then I could go back to where I was before. And that is very important to me that I stayed spiritually alive. So that's the reason I keep coming back to Al Anon. And that's where I have found the true happiness, freedom and joy that I'm really, really proud of. And, and, and all the help that I have received from you all that has been very precious to me.

While I'm working on my recovery, a lot of bad things are happening around me also.

I'm going through divorce, Community property settlement and joint custody settlement and we have engaged ourselves into raging battles and my son has got caught up in this middle of it and he's been left

self ignored and he's confused and he's frightened. He failed 5th grade and he was held back and I I saw help from the professionals and they told me that if the situation does not change soon then my son will begin to see some very serious behavior problems

and I had to let him go.

In my ex wife's opinion I was a bad person and I was a bad influence on my son and she was going to go any extent to separate us and I knew that if I continued this battle it will be detrimental to all three of us. So finally let it go and for the next two years our joint custody dwindled down to that two or three weekends a year, which did not include any holidays or his birthday.

I also had a new boss at work

and his destructive behavior was obvious from the very first day. Five years before he came,

we had we had introduced to engineer plastic into the market and which for GM and Chrysler loaded and they were begging for more and we had planned to deliver more, more of these products. But for the next five years, we will not put any new products out on the market, which will spell disaster later on.

Our family dog Buttons was having all kinds of physical problems and the veterinarian told me that

all her symptoms are stress related and I told her what is going on and she said that, you know, just try to comfort her as much as you can't, as much as you can. But that would not happen because my business travel increased to almost every other week and I had no choice but to leave her in the kennel and eventually the stress of living in a candle kill her

to start all those things. I stayed focused on my recovery because that's the promise that I had made to myself that I will not stop and I will do whatever it takes to be happy George and free. And I also knew that unless I find recovery, I will not be of any help to anybody or including myself.

My business travel into West Virginia area continued and I began to notice the natural beauty of Dolly size area during the summer, spring, fall and winter. And I bought my first 35mm camera and I started taking pictures and I started showing friends and then say hey, you know you have an iPhone photography. So that has started to a a a lifetime hobby. And I also belong to Louisiana Photography Society.

We meet once a month, and we also compare with pictures. We have professional photographers come out and, you know, tell us about the photography and their skills and their talents. And we also go on field trips once or twice a month.

And with a camera in my hand, I can emerge into something that really nurtures my spirit. It is very important to me and I make sure that I have enough time in my business schedule for this type of activities. While I was traveling in the Dallas area before the four staff, I also began to listen to country and western music, and some of the songs were just written for me.

OK, it helped me to It helped me to get in touch with my buried feelings at the time. And I really knew that.

So I said, why can I listen to other music? And I started doing that. And today, today I enjoy listening to jazz, classical, you know, Latin South American music, Native American music, and I just love it. And and you and I went to see a movie and I heard a French lyrics and the music and I was very intrigued by so I'm in a search of French music now.

But all this music written in different culture and different languages

communicate a single common message is peace and joy. And that's what I hear in the music.

Then I listen to music, I'm still and it nurtures my soul. It nurtures my spirit. And I make sure that I have enough time allow, you know, in my business schedule to have some fun with listening to music.

I also started practicing the 12 step and started participating into the Al Anon service work. And my passion for service work was parked at the Regional Service Seminar in New Orleans in 1992.

I went to one of the workshop and I heard that, you know, we can take our literature to doctor's office and in turn they can give it to somebody who is in need. Wow, what a great idea.

A little thing, little bit of my time can change somebody's life and I have been active in service work ever since and

service work has helped me to get out of my shell and make new friends. Service work

gives me a lot of spiritual growth and so we got your delegate is it's really an experience, an experience of the lifetime that I would remember forever and it it just I just have no words to describe Everyone probably knows how how wonderful it is. It is hard work, but in in Alamance service work, whatever you put in, you're going to get a whole lot more and

it's endless. And I will continue to participate in a service work because it it nurtures my spirit. It is great to come and you know, speak to you all. Sometimes it's frightening, but you know, it is spiritually rewarding.

But bit of service work. I have grown and I'll continue to grow. So those are the things that I continue to do between nurtures my spirit.

I also belong to Circle City Time Club where we raise money and also what does volunteers for Special Olympics for handicapped children. And while I was working on my recovery, I was away from my club for almost a year. So one day I decided to go and visit my friends. So I went to the club meeting and they were discussing they had started a singles club and it wasn't really doing too good. So they were looking at different alternatives to see, you know, how they can help the club

and then decided that they will send one of the club member to help.

And then they turn around and looked at me and say I am the only single person in the club so I'll have to go.

I said I just came to meet, say hello to you and you know,

but despite my opposition, they drafted me for for helping out the club. So I went to the club and I became their activity director and I organized the activities. Civic activities and social activities will alternate every month. And for civic activities, we used to take children from Better Woman's Shelter to Tarika Hills or go to Boys of America Home and do a birthday party, take a big pinera for candies and cakes and stuff like that. Do something like that.