The C.A.H. group in Euclid, OH

Alcoholic

things I can, change courage change the things I can, and the list of to know the difference. Amen.

I have a sobriety date March 31st 1972. I have a Home group, Thursday Men, so

sponsor lads. His name was three of them, he's the 4th one. He's nervous

I I found it by attending meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous that if I start my day every day with asking for God's guidance to help me through today. Applying a program which is a 12 steps to my life. Flying the four absolutes of honesty and selfishness, love, purity and continuing to attend a meetings and come into the fellowship about Fox Anonymous so that I can watch the good examples and judge myself as to where I am. And I'm slipping back

staying up there. I've learned that over the years, you know, if you got a year, if you got a month or if you whatever you have out there. And I got 36 years. But the only difference between us right at this point in life is that the ice on my Fonz a lot thicker than yours. But you know, ice is slipping no matter how thick it is. So we better do the same thing every day, no matter how long you're in, you're going to do the right thing. I don't wish people in a a Merry Christmas or a happy New Year,

New Year's coming. Ruiz, I don't wish you because I can guarantee it if you do what I just got done. Second, you know, it doesn't mean that you won't have a sorrowful year. It doesn't mean that things won't happen in your life.

Right now I'm dealing with my wife being in a nursing home, hopefully being able to get out. She's been

license November 6th and probably the longest I made many times she's been in there. And you know, like I've always said, I've learned with the serenity prayer is for it's the it's the accept things you don't like and you never have to say a prayer for something you like. And I I don't if you win the lottery, you know, next week, I'm sure you're not going to say to serenity player before you cash your ticket. I mean, you know, make sure you can accept it so you don't have to worry about things your life. You're going to just worry about them. Things

like there's nothing. Acceptance doesn't mean you have to like it. Acceptance means you just understand and accept it. And it took me a while to learn that, but I understand that today. I started drinking when I was around 15 years old. I don't get into my child, but I don't get into gum loving. I don't get into none of that junk anything. I'll tell you about my childhood. It was important as it was wrong for 40 years. Other nationals, there's nothing really important about it. I

was born and raised that I've done on the South side of Cleveland. That's that place they call Tremont. Now they change the name of it so they can sell them $20,000 homes for 20 for 200,000. But it's still the South side.

And I started my drinking in Lincoln Park and back then Lincoln Park was not like it is now. Not so it's a flat piece of grassland with a swimming pool and that back then it had hedges around it. And I'm not exaggerating when I say they were 12 foot high and 12 foot high and it was like a little town in there. He didn't go in there after dark unless you were part of it. I would say group be nice probably was a gang and but I was, you know, got nosy as to what was going on there. When I was around 15 and sorry, I hooked up with

guys and went into the park and hand me a bottle of beer and a terrible stuff I couldn't understand. I didn't drink this chunk. It just I did not like beer and what to belong. I did what I had to do and but I learned something quick about where you know, if you if you shoot it down real quick three or four times, you know, you purple that if you burp a lot and you spill a little out of fun and you're carrying a bottle around it, you stick and that's as bad as you'll stink. I don't care how much you drink. So,

you know, I would just take my time and I just watch people and I could have to, you know, I could act like somebody that was had 6 beers or 8 beers or 12 beers or it didn't really matter. I just watched them and acted like them. And one of the things that when I finally started attending these meetings and, and you know, I always, I was just to wonder if the the greatest day of my life was when I went into the Rosary Hall. But sometimes I think the greatest day of my life was the day that I was sitting in a meeting and realized I belong here.

Because for the longest time, I didn't think I was an alcoholic.

And once I realized I belong here, then I started realizing why we had a program. Because I could act dumb without being drunk, and I could act stupid without being drunk, and I could act miserable without being drunk and I could act hateful. Would I be as drunk? And pretty soon then things weren't in act anymore. That became me. That became. And I needed that program to get rid of all that stuff.

And I learned that the program didn't give me, it didn't save my life. It gave me a new life. The life I had wasn't worth saving.

These are things by looking back and forth that I found out by coming to these rooms,

I started drinking just to belong and all of a sudden were coming on. But this time of year. And one of the guys said, he says he knew an older guy that we all chipped in and get us some alcohol in different packages called liquor. And he came up with they all sat in the Lincoln Park over there on Christmas or New Year's Eve with a pint of blended liquor and and a cigarette roll wash. And I welcome a friend in my life, man, I took a good slug of that thing and

I thought I didn't burn going down, but I, I drank straight foods until a day from an AA from that day,

you know, drag straight, you'll understand. It was a nice burn. So, you know, I'm not too bad, you know, and I shot the second one down, that one down a little smoother and warmed up the stomach a little bit warm. By then a little bit of it started creeping up and I'm thinking this stuff is stuck too bad. It's pretty good. By the time I shot the third one down, that went down smooth, which meant instant manhood. And, and then all of a sudden the rest of it started hitting my head. And that stuff went from not too bad, but magnificent.

And and you know, I didn't gave me some of the promises that that we get in tonight's step to go with our red here. And only difference is that the alcohol gives it to you is a hook. And then once it gets you, you take it back. AA you can have it and you can keep it if you want for it. And I, I found that, you know, all of a sudden I had that, that new attitude and outlook on life. I, I don't know if the world liked it, but I thought it was pretty good. And, you know, and I had like a Peace of Mind. I don't think I had serenity. I probably was a little drunk, but I

but I had a Peace of Mind and I didn't have, all of a sudden I didn't have any economic fears. I didn't have fears other people and that wasn't a good idea. I drank a lot on 25th St. and you should have feared some people. But you know, a lot of times I look back on that and you know, it's 50-60 years ago when you drank on 25th, you got in a fight. I mean, you walked outside, you fight one person walk back in, the other might crawl back in. Everybody brought each other around the drinks and he kept drinking, you know, he didn't shoot each other and stuff like that.

So it was a little bit different than, you know, little comrade. Yes, But you know, like I thought not I intuitively I could do anything while I was drinking. And if I didn't have all the rules, I could ask the guy next to me that was drinking and he'd fill them in because we all knew everything, you know. And alcohol started doing things for me I couldn't do for myself. I don't believe I was instant alcoholic. I didn't. I didn't have that. That physical

craving for it or compulsion. I didn't have that

mental compulsion to drink. I didn't have that yet. I could take a drink, I could leave a drink, but most of my time became a performance because they'd see how to watch them try to drink and not perform. And people would say, well, guys, you know, you're 16/17/18, you shouldn't be drinking that much. I know my comment always was I'm a pole, like I'm supposed to drink that much. And I believe that. I believe that all bullocks, you know, dragged as much as I thought I drank and I don't think they're all alcoholic, but we did. Our

passive friend of mine, I would say we took the Irish and the bollocks out of the you have small groups again.

But but yeah, I, I, I was one of these guys that I, I was proud of how much I could drink. I don't think I ever lied to anybody. Good month that I drank because I wore like a badge. I wore like a badge.

I got through high school, just skated through the center, got out and went to work for a company I got I put in a little over 40 years with that company. I retired from around 15 years ago and that would have never happened before. The doors would be Hey, and and like most people, I, I didn't come in a a because I woke up some morning and thought I was an alcoholic. I, I had my higher powered. I used to wear a black robe and have a little mallet in there.

And, and I, I ended up getting a lot of trouble with the law and I walked in here on the 13th of this year. That was a desire to stay out of jail. And I had no desire to quit drinking. That's regarding sure. That just became a requirement at that time. That's all. Not a desire, but I, I, I went out on my drinking and, and you know, I, I don't, I don't know

when I truly maybe cross that line and it's unimportant. But after looking back on my life and that I would tell you it was somewhere as I was skating into the Yammer, skating out of the army. But I worked about 18 months at this company and in that 18 months I, I should have probably lost my, my job permanently. There's no doubt about it. I, I think I had something like nosiness and laziness and I don't know, alcoholism. Maybe it was creeping in there, but I was a bar drinker. I loved bars. I mean, I, you know, it was like, I don't care

bar. I went in. When I walked in, if it was carpeted, I said just the one I was looking for. If it had a dirty floor, it was just the one I was looking for and it was bright. It was just the every now and then I walked in the window lost their license and that wasn't the one I was looking for. Like, I should have understood that maybe alcohol play a part in my life, you know,

but I, so I really like bars and I, when I, when I started working for this company, I wasn't like a type of an apprenticeship program journey. My machinist and he did a lot of, you know, little stuff on days of study. And the bad thing is, you know, you had to learn how to drive tool bits and stuff like that. And but they, they said you got to go in the 2nd shift at 3:00 to 11:00 to run the machinery. And I, I

didn't think I was going to like it when I first went on it. I knew I didn't like it. And, and I, I don't know about you people, but if there's anybody in here that was a good solid Barrow drinker

Now it's, it was almost like a, you know, you had like two or three bars that you went to, but you always had a home bar and you had that bar when you walked in, you know, there was no such a thing as reserve, but you still had that same your seat. And, and when you said it was going to sit there, your drink would be there. And, and all that, you know, and, and if you were smart and you watch the, what you call the, the, the good drinkers that you thought like, you know, the good AAS, you know, you'd, you'd realize the way you put your cigarette pack here and car keys here,

here. And you know, you got to set this all up, you know, this whole little, this whole little act in this bar. And and then you went to that bar every day, every day.

And if you went to that bar for 1000 straight days, if you missed the 1000 first day and come back the next day, the minute you walk through that door, everybody at that bar will turn around and say, you should see what you missed yesterday. It'd be like, yeah, you know, so now I'm going on 2nd shift, I'm going to miss a lot. You know, there's something wrong here, you know, and I never realized how important that bar was to me until I look back on that. And that was one of the things that

when I when a guy told me that I could punch out for lunch and go up on 25th, I did that. I found out that that wasn't a good idea,

but I, you know, I turn around and I go back and I get it passed and say I understand kid and I'd leave for the rest of the day. But I pushed it and after 18 months, I,

I, I went to work for two weeks of days and I walked in on a Monday for 2nd shift. I went to lunch and come back in two weeks on days. And they said that nine, you know, three days, no work, three days, no call automatic quit. I said, fine, I was going to walk in the union run up and said, we're going to save your job. And I said good goal. And I, I went on 25th and I went into my buddies and

we start talking and I said, you know, there's mid 50s.

We're, you know, we're all single. We're going to get drafted anyway. Why do we volunteer draft? And they looked at me, look at 2 heads and I don't know, 678 double headers later, we walked out of the bar right into the building next door. And that's where the draft form was. And we volunteered draft in the United States. There was a bar across the street and one on each side of this building. I was not. But you never had to send the letter out. It means that people constantly going in there on different grad.

I went back to work and I gave him my my letter and they said, well, that'll make a man out of you. And they just rescinded everything and I had my job and I went off to the service. You know, I, I was born and raised Catholic, but somewhere along the way I just

was, I was not what you would call a practicing Catholic. I did not disbelieve in a God. I believe that there was one. I didn't use them. I didn't blame them for anything, didn't give him credit for anything. It was just that went along with life. I, you know, they said keep it simple. I kept it simple. Things didn't go right. It was your fault. And if it went right, it was right. It was bite. You know, I was standing on it and, and I used to always say I was lucky. And a lot of people used to say I was lucky. And when we all volunteered draft and went into the service, we took eight weeks

and we took eight weeks of advanced infantry and the rest of them went off to the infantry and and played soldier for the next two years. And I went down to South America and was trained as a as a topographic surveyor looking for Army map service. TDY ten Americans unagic surveys that I traveled on South America making topographic maps for Army map service. I didn't get in trouble in the military because I didn't have military duty.

You don't have military duty taking trouble. But I got a straw hat and cut the sleeves off my off my fatigues, cut them into a pair of shorts and and walked around and clogs or something and and put jungle boots on when we surveyed in the jungle and

just walked around and did my thing. My claim the frame. I guess down early, but I became a very heavy Scotch drinker and I

to say I drink Scotch, but I'm just a classic top shelf drinker. And in fact, it was the cheapest, second cheapest drink in South America. I didn't come in a if you could drunk, you know, And I always said, well, it's one of two reasons, you know, you know, I got here before I started puking. I'm just too cheap to puke out when I put in one or the other, but probably the latter. But but anyway, Scotch, I drank Scotch because Scotch I could drink straight. I, I drank straight liquor and I always said that that's why I didn't get sick

straight. But it, that stupid cold ginger ale, you know, soda and all that junk, that's what gets you sick. And the cheapest drink in South America was Roman Coke. And that was a sweet mixed drink. And I always say if you threw up and drank sweet mixed drinks, you deserve every puke you have. And that stuff wasn't made for mix. Why would you mix it? Why would you take good alcohol and throw it in good orange juice or something and say, I got a screwdriver. You want to go get hammered and drink hammers. You know, I started drinking Boilermakers. I feel like a hammer.

So I drank Scotch. The Scotch was $4.10 a gallon when I when I was down in South America. And that was for Chavez. You know, don't get a plane. That was in the 50s. But I mean, that deal was, that was pretty cheap as far as I was concerned. So that's what I drank. When I got out of the service, I walked into a bar in the States here down on the South Side and get my double header Scotch. And hell, I think it costs more than I made an hour. You know, it's whoa, that's it. You know, it was a science that drink calibration. I calmed my way.

I, I became a shot and a beer guy. I never liked beer. All of a sudden, you know, all you got to try and you know, the old timers done on the South side, you know, they said you had to start drinking these Heaney hawkers. And if you're not old enough, no Heaney hawkers, that's a double letter. They take the shell glass and fill it about half full with beer to give you the beer free, which they don't do now. And you shoot a little shooter down a sip of beer, you know, and, and that's the way you drink. And I from here I developed into drinking the Boilermakers like the Pollack's, I suppose,

but you know, real quickly from there on, I started dating Seattle that I didn't know him for a number of years, but we ended up getting married 1960 and but we celebrated 48 years in in August. We're still married. That's mainly because she stayed in that for us to live in here. Craig. You know, when, when we went up to that altar and, and, and

was supposed to take them while she took the vowels and I said the vowels. And that's something like the program. You know you can read the steps or you could take the steps.

Depends on what you want to do.

And she took them. I and I said that was it. And life went on. I mean, it was like things were the way. There was no change. I just had what I was supposed to have a wife. And then I love my wife as best as I could love my wife or a person at that time in my life, you know, it was a lot different than today. And

and we got married 1960 and we had two children and my two sons were one was four and one was six when I when I went to rosary, all in March 72. And during that period of our marriage, I ended up most people, they hide, hide bottles or something. So they got to stash someplace. Well, first of all, I never drank at home, even I had a bar in the basement and I like bars and I like them so much. I bought one. I mean you know what the heck if you want to

just have a key, then you got 24/7 stash and walk in anytime you want. And I had that space for about 7 years with my father-in-law and with that with that place did for me is it just got me in more trouble because it got me out of trouble. That makes sense. But during that six year period, I was charged seven times with DWI.

I was charged once with aggravated vehicular homicide and a couple other charges. And I basically danced to most of me. I just just just like if it was nonexistent, I was like, I became a person that that would when a cop car would pull me over, it would be in my mind, I'm thinking, boy, is he wasting his time? Because I thought I was untouchable. I just thought that I was completely untouchable

by having that bar. I ended up campaigning for people that want judgeships and, and I ended up with a lawyer that his wife was a judge, that his wife's brother was a federal judge. And I mean, you know, and, and, and you just back then, you just got out of things you'd ever should've. I mean,

when I when, when, when I was charged with that aggravated vehicular homicide a year later, I was feeling guilty of, of

would take wasn't I don't even know that the terminology of it. It was

vehicular. I'm a homicide by a vehicle in the second degree. And, and I got a slap on a hand and fine and didn't lose my license and they turned me back out on the street. And you know, I look back at that, that was criminal. I mean, they, they didn't even address my drinking, didn't even address my drinking that, that that was like in 69. I didn't come in April 72 and they, they lived out in that road that long. I look back on that and I think I mean, you know.

I used to say God watched over me. God didn't watch over me. God watched over everybody else

Get Me Out of here away. That's what it was, you know, because they were the people that deserve to be watched over. And so I I I don't you know, I don't talk a lot about that because it's not new practice, but not Nebraska then were the things that have brought me to a a you know, I was not a person that there was this lovable person. I was not a people pleaser. Nobody was very pleased with me when I walked in the rosary hall. I treated people some like a hand towel in the marriage room, you know,

you just wipe your hands on it and throw it away scan, you know, and then because there's somebody else that come along, so why worry about it? If I drank with you in the bar and walked across the street and fell in a mantle, you better have a ladder because that was going to waste my time getting out because why bother? I could walk in a park cross street, sit down by somebody and drink and pick up on the same conversation. Guaranteed. If I could remember what the heck I was talking about 36 years ago in a bar, I could walk in a bar and hike by somebody a drink and start talking about it. We talked about it like if it's today's news,

we have no idea what was going on yet We thought we knew everything. My world was this big, but the size of a bar stool. That's all my world was. That's all I knew. It was sitting on that bar stool, you know, and just went along with anything that went along inside that bar. And that's, that's the way I just went on. I, I treated my parents bad, My, my wife, my children. And it was all a matter of just not being there, not not being willing to give them a minute, not even a minute.

And and that's how I live my life.

There was that was not good. And there were the reasons I should have come in no matter reasons that I stayed today

because I understand meat today and I like a little bit better what I am today than I was. But I, I was going into 1972 and, and by then, you know, I'd been in and out of courts and everything else and the system was pretty sick of me, even though, you know, I had not did anything major. I mean, they hadn't done anything major than me. That's what I should say. In 1972, I was about 8 days into 72 and I got, I got hit on the corner of Virginia and Ridgewood and DWII got pulled over for weaving,

always got pulled over for we always told them I don't weave, I'm a good driver, but they always pulled me over for weaving. I haven't been, I haven't got a ticket for weaving at 36 years. So maybe I was leaving, but but I, I, I got this ticket for weaving. I got a TWI George Spanigle and he literally, he threw a ticket out 'cause he went to, he went to the law school with, with my lawyer and his wife, but he really chewed me out and said if you see me again, I'm in trouble. And yeah, it was maybe

weeks later corner Virginia and rich state cop another weaving other BWI back in front Hispanical. This time you reduced it to to reckless Dr. and said I needed to learn a lesson to get reckless driving took my license for six months put me on two years and 40 probation. Finally $500 and and I walked out and I drove to Barron's bar and farm. I bought people around the drinks. I told my God out of it because I wasn't found guilty of DWI. I shouldn't have been driving.

Eight days later on the corner of Virginia Ridge,

got pulled over for weave and other DWI. This time I got a ticket for driving with suspended drivers license. I got this other oddball ticket and I'm looking at it and the cops looking at me and said what? What's with this? And I said, well, this ticket, I said, what would you give me this for? And he said, well, you told me you had no car insurance. I said, you've been pulling me over for three months. I've never had car insurance, never gave me a ticket before,

he said. What do you mean you never? I said I don't. Why would I want to buy car insurance? That's a waste of money,

you know. And he he looked at me and he said,

he said, do you own a home? And I said, yeah. And he said, well, you know, I said something happens and you don't have, you know, you can't pay for it. You know, they could take it home away from you. And I said, So what? I'm never home anyway. Now that last statement, I don't remember saying that. The reason I know that I said that is 10 years after I dominated a cop come and aid. And he reminded me of that. And he told me, he said, you know, he says I drank for 10 more years because when you said that,

that wasn't as bad as you,

I just thought, good for you. But but we're friends today. He's, he's in A and he's doing well and he's got his 26 years or so. But you know, I look back on the next. That's the kind of person it was. I, I had a wife and two children sitting in that house and I wasn't taking care of the house for them because they, that wasn't what was important to me. Alcohol was what was important to me. And what, however I got it, I got it.

But when I I knew the Spanish who was going to show me in jail this time, he told me.

I got bailed out. I went home. I started packing a bag, messing around, walking around 5:00

in the morning and my wife said, what are you doing now? I got to tell you actually, from the moment I was born, you got walked with me and tried to guide me through life. It's just that I didn't pay attention. We didn't get my attention. At age 35, he started to get my attention. And I and I also believe God talks to people. I mean, I don't think I might get woke up in the middle of the night when I'm sitting on the edge of my bed. I'd be a little nervous, but my wife,

you know, she looked at me and she said, look, it's 5:30 in the morning and probation isn't going to come and send a cop to get you in all this good stuff. Why don't you lay down and get a couple hours sleep when you get up? Maybe you might think differently

now, I'm not going to tell you my wife didn't make sense. It's the first time I heard my wife say something to make sense. That's all. I thought, OK, I lay down on the couch for a couple hours, which my wife then made a phone call when I'd have to be eternally grateful for my health. Things would have turned out in my life. She called my boss. Now this guy didn't have to come over the house neither, but he come over the house. He drove over the house and he picked up a pamphlet someplace about DWI.

They woke me up and he's explained to me what could happen if you get rested for a DWI. And by then I had a masters degree in a medicine.

But you know, finally I just looked at him. I said, Jim, if I go to jail because he did, they had promised me four to six months in jail. If I go to jail for four months, do I have a job? And he said, hey, he said, you know, you're on salary. He says, we don't give jail leaves to people over here on salaries and you got you don't have that much vacation. You'll lose your job nice as well.

Waste of time. Now Jim was the plant manager. He could have said, yeah, go ahead,

get your things settled, come back to work when it's done. You know, Hattie has said that I might not be standing here today because I would, you know, I had a choice between sitting in the workhouse for four months and or, you know, giving up drinking. I I may have chosen to go to the workhouse and go back to work. I don't know. I don't know. But I didn't have too much of A choice this way. And I told my soul to waste our time. And I'm just, I'm just going to cut out of here. And, and Jim

said the right thing, but not maybe for the right reasons, but who cares? It's bottom line to cons. But he said, look, you're, you're, you've got a job today, you've got insurance, you're on salary. Why don't you go into this place called Rosary Hall and said you could take the cure for your drinking when you get out. You can do whatever you want to do, but at least you won't drink and your money will last long. And while you're in there, you'll get paid because of the insurance.

And, and the only thing that clicked in my head is there's a burst. At the time, I was working for me in a machine shop. And he was an alcoholic Anonymous. And he used to tell me about this rosary hall and they have this nun there and all of that. And if you go in there, the cops don't bother you unless you want to convert it,

he said. Rosary halls after that's a hideout. I can go in there for a while, plan out my next move. That's OK. So they called this guy up in Virgil and off the Rosary Hall. I wanted When I went in there back then, you wore the pajamas and you order robe and you didn't watch television and you didn't read a newspaper and you didn't get no letters and you didn't send no letters and you didn't get no phone calls and you didn't make no phone calls.

That was just fine with me. I didn't want nothing to do with the outside world. Know how I had 10 days? I stayed in there

and then in 10 days I, I can tell you I ate good and that was good and I didn't drink and that was good and I had quit smoking six months before that on a bed and I ended up not smoking in Roseville. So when I left, I knew I'd never smoked. I didn't have the things about not drinking and, and I didn't leave there thinking I was an alcoholic, unfortunately. I, I would stand there and look at them. 12 things

and steps and one time bother John the Baptist. Picard didn't stand there. We're looking at him and he's well, what do you think, Karen? And I said, and I said that this powerless over alcohol. And he said no. He said no. He said, you know,

he says if you can admit your powerless overall on your website, manage your places, you've made you suffer from the disease of alcoholism. And he said the moniker we hang on is alcoholic. And I said, well, then I'm not one. He said, you're not. I said, no, I said I'm not following this over alcohol. I, I just didn't believe I was powerless over alcohol and just couldn't get that through my ticket to my ticket. And he started like we had seven DWI jizz. So what, I drove 4000 times like that. What's what's the good deal?

I mean, and you know, I've learned that DWI don't make you an alcoholic. Alcohol does. But you're getting a lot of DWI as you probably got an alcohol problem. You're drinking a lot of alcohol. But I wasn't looking at the alcohol and, and you know, sometimes I think, look at that. I think that that's that's the thing that maybe ruins a lot of people in these rooms. And I was very fortunate

because I didn't take that drink until I realized I belong. And but you know, all you got if you come in here and and you only look at the results of your alcoholism and the, and the results are a DWI, don't drink for a year. You don't have a DWI for a year. You know if your results are you're not paying your bills, don't drink for a year, you start paying your bills.

If your results are the boss that works ready to fire you don't drink for a year

starts taking your great person. If you're fortunate enough that your spouse stays with you for that, you're you might even start smiling at each other, you know, and all of a sudden you think my life's not unmanageable because you've never looked at the unmanageability with alcohol. And the unmanageability with alcohol with me was I was an irritable, restless, disintended person that alcohol could suck back in any kind of felt like it.

And if I remain inevitable, that's just district in person, I would drink again. And if I become an irritable, restlessness Confederate person, I will drink again.

And that's what them steps were there for. And I didn't realize that at the time when I looked at it. And so I come in and start going to a meeting. How did I go to any meetings? Herman Wall was a director here. He came in on a Saturday morning today. I was leaving, called him in his office and said, I understand you don't even think you're an alcoholic. I said no, The enemy of leading, of alcoholism took a full open corner. And he said, well, I want you to go to some Amy's. I said I don't need him. He said if you go to him, you might not go to jail.

Maybe I'll go to the main leaders. Yeah, what the heck? And and I walked out of here. When I got home, there was a letter on the table saying, you know, you take a drink, you're going to jail before this is settled. It was from Parliament courts. I had two little beaters in the garage and they had the state come and take the plates away. And they just said don't get behind the wheel of a car. I got a bus pass and I looked at this list and I circled meetings that I could get to on the bus route

but it's 79 bus route Far East. There's far South as a width. Far north is a wind. Be willing to walk maybe up to a mile. I used to walk a lot anyway

and I could get to about 4950 of their meetings. And then I started going to meetings and then I, I started going to meetings for various reasons. None of them were to stop drinking, but I would go to meetings because first of all, I played big shot in bars. I own the bars. I played big shot in the bar and all that. It was more important for me to buy you a drink and get instant recognition and pay a bill or something, you know, I mean that that was secondary. They got paid, but they were secondary

and and and so I I, I, I, you know, if you play big shot in the bar, you sure that guy going to take a bus to the bar? That's the great take a bus today meeting boy Pat John back and said you must really want to just keep up the good work, you know, and then I go home and my wife would commence to tell me I'm still a jerk and I'd say, wait a minute. You talk about these good people at a a meetings and they're telling me what a wonderful job I'm doing and there must be something wrong with you. You're probably sicker than me. Maybe you better look at yourself.

You know, we drive people crazy even after we get sober. I mean, we don't you know, we don't have to quit drinking and alcohol is affected all of us and everybody around us, unfortunately. And and so I, I, I would come home from work on a bus that sit by the kitchen table and I watch my wife cooking and she'd be looking at me and I'd say, what are you looking at? She'd say, that's what I'm trying to figure out. I tell her, go console and I, I go to the Amy and the guys at the AIM meetings. They start telling you got two sons at home,

maybe you gotta start playing a little. OK, so one day I'd come home and I'd set him on a living room floor and I sat down in front of it. But he stared at each other and I thought it was about an hour, it might be 5 minutes. And we're staring. And finally he figured this jerk don't know how to play. So they're just started playing. And, you know, two kids playing just normal. Sounded like 50 kids screaming at me. That's how I shot my nerves were. I didn't know what alcohol had been to my nerves. So I went to name

They weren't the wrong reasons to go to a meeting. They were the ones that got me here.

I mean, if they weren't there, I might have not attended an AM meeting. If I had to wait till I had a desire to stop drinking before I attended a meeting, I'd probably die drunk. I got the desire to stop drinking attending any meetings. I learned I was an alcoholic attending meeting meetings. I learned there was a solution attending meeting meetings. And I learned what kind of a person I truly was attending being in meetings. And then I was told the kind of person I could meet

if I attended the meetings and put the program in my life. And I ended up with sponsors because they walked into my life,

walk into their life. This is 18 months now go to meetings. And I'm not, I'm not thinking I'm an alcoholic and I don't know what I'm doing here, but I'm here. And eventually I'm going to get out of all this trouble and I'm going to be out of probation. And by then I'll have it all figured out how I can start drinking and everything is going to be okay. And, and you know, I'm that close, that close. And all of a sudden, you know, I leave a meeting and, and, and

you know, I, I was leaving meetings even before I thought I was an alcoholic.

I thought you needed a good lead. That's only on, I was telling you what to do and I didn't believe I had to do it, but I tell you what to do. And that wasn't too good because I just got caught in trouble again, even into a good rotten wife. I was going to drink. And, and I, I'd gotten my driver's license back and, and had no computers. And that's why I got it faxed. All you people now got to plug the computers.

But I, I ended up at Rosary Hall on a Saturday morning and then I went through the new Williams was sitting there like he always was.

And we talked and I just sort of spilled some of my beans to him. And all he said is, look, he said just don't drink today, Don't drink today. He said, if it doesn't work out, drink tomorrow. We don't have tomorrow, we don't have today. So you'll never, you'll never take a drink if you don't drink today. And I walked out of there not drinking. I had that. I had a leak coming up and I wasn't going to do it. Somebody said you got to. So I got up there and I, I sort of