The Show Me Group in Denton, TX

Feel good, and if you don't like anything I say up here today, I am blind, Dave. Feel free. You can stick your tongue out at me. You can slip me the bird

so y'all have a good time at my expense.

In fact, I used to tell people I said I had a feeling that someday they were on queue. They were going to signal each other and get up and tiptoe out.

Just leave me here. Okay, so remember the website davidnorma.com and and you go listen to our stuff there. So I'm blind Dave, I'm not. Sobriety date is July 9th, 1998.

So this past summer I got 10 years and it has been a wonderful 10 years. I want you to know that,

and this past year has probably been the best year of it all.

But I want you to know that this past year has also been the most tragic year of my life.

But in the midst of that tragedy, I've discovered God in deeper waters than I've ever found Him before.

You know, I got to looking back at my at my journal. I keep a gratitude journal. I hope some of you all have learned the value of that. Keep a gratitude journal. It's wonderful. And I got to looking back at my gratitude journal one time at all my God experiences. I like to keep a record of those things, you know, And I started noticing that all of those wonderful God experiences

were attached to a near disaster.

And that's just the way it is people,

you know, this program offers us the tools by which we can convert any crisis into a God experience.

And this past year has been no exception. It's been an amazing year. And I want to share a little bit about that tonight. Talk a little bit to you. I'm going to start off reading from Bill story in chapter one. He said, my weary and despairing wife. This is when Bill checked into the hospital for the, I don't know, third or fourth time. He said my weary and despairing wife was informed that it would all end with heart failure during delirium tremens

or I would develop a wet brain, perhaps within a year. She would soon have to give me over to the undertaker of the asylum.

They did not need to tell me. I knew, and almost welcomed the idea. It was a devastating blow to my pride, I, who had thought so well of myself, of my abilities, of my capacity to surmount obstacles. I was cornered at last.

Now was to plunge into the dark, joining that endless procession of drunks that had gone on before me.

I thought of my poor wife.

What would I not give to make amends?

But that was over now.

Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I've been overcome. I had met my match. Alcohol was my master. Trembling, I stepped from the hospital, a broken man. Fear sobered me for a bit.

Then came the insidious insanity of the first drinking on Armistice Day 1934. I was off again. Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I'd have to be shut up somewhere or I was going to stumble along to a miserable end.

How dark it is before the dawn. In reality, that was the beginning of my last drunk. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call a fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace and usefulness and a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes.

What a turn around,

plunging into the dark.

An endless procession of socks in the dark

into an incredibly wave, incredible way of living that grows incredibly more wonderful as time passes. And I want to talk to you a little bit about that tonight. Beyond sobriety. Beyond sobriety?

Yeah, there's something beyond sobriety. Of course there is. The Big Book says we feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles of our way of life lies before us

in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs.

You say what I thought somebody was, you know, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. No sobriety is the pot of gold at the beginning of the rainbow.

A much more important demonstration

is our God experiences after sobriety along the way. Fred said that in chapter three. He said quite as important was the discovery that these spiritual principles would solve all my problems,

all my problems. These spiritual principles

will convert any problem into a God experience.

What a program it is.

Page 51 of the Big Book it says. When so many people are able to say that the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith.

Notice he did not say that these people said the most important thing in their life today is not to take a drink. That is important,

but it said that the most important fact of their lives today is the consciousness of the presence of God.

I feel I have become one of those

the 12 and 12 says this in a a We saw the fruits of this belief. Men and women spared from alcohols final catastrophe.

We saw them meet and transcend all their pains and trials.

They had a faith that worked under all conditions. Woe would I like to have that.

A faith that worked under all conditions.

Well, I want you to know that I feel today I'm entering into that experience.

I hope I'm not sounding too bold, but the Big Book says here are thousands of men and women, worldly indeed, who flatly declare that's pretty bold, isn't it?

They flatly declare that since they've come to believe in the power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that power, and to do certain simple things,

there's been a revolution, revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. A new power, peace, happiness and sense of direction flowed into them.

Let's don't just stop with sobriety,

Let's learn how to apply these certain simple things to all aspects of our life and watch the power of God and the consciousness of God guide us into the God experience through all our pains and trials.

Says they had a faith that worked under all conditions.

And it says we soon concluded that whatever price and humility we must pay, we would pay. When the big book says if you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, that's what it's talking about.

It's talking about a faith that worked under all conditions that will transcend all your pains and trials.

The important discovery that these spiritual principles will solve all your problems.

We soon concluded that whatever price and humility we must pay to have, that we would pay,

but it is a price that has to be paid, Bill said this in his story. Said simple but not easy.

A price had to be paid.

It meant destruction of self centeredness.

That's what humility is, the destruction of self centeredness,

Bill said. Belief in the power of God plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things are the essential requirements and that's what the steps do. Willingness, honesty, and humility are ego deflating attributes.

As I deflate my ego, I let God in.

If I inflate my ego, I push God out

and the steps are designed as ego deflating is an ego deflating process that that cultivates in me willingness, honesty and humility.

No place is that better described than at step five. You all know that one God. Didn't we all freak out when we come to that one? We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being. Oh my God,

the exact nature of our wrongs, it says. Almost none of us like the self searching, the leveling of our pride in the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation.

Almost none of us like it, you know, but it is an ego deflating process. I remember when I did step five my first time, you know. And so I had got my little list, I, I done my inventory, I had my little list of things that I needed to get my sponsor and talk to him about. Of course there was one thing I was leaving off, but you know, y'all done that too. I'm sure some of you. So

I called up my sponsor one Friday. I said I got my fist step ready. He said, listen, I just put my house on the market and he said I'm kind of hanging around the house. I'm getting these phone calls. I got to show the house and he said, how about we meet Monday over to Home group there. I'll meet you after the noon meeting. I said sure, fine. And the only thing with that says he left me with the whole weekend hearing this little voice in the back of my head saying, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. I know it's one of you reading.

I can hear you.

And on Sunday night I thought, OK OK, I'll write that one more little thing on there. So I got out my little Braille riding stuff. So y'all can't read my notebook either, can you?

So I got out my little Braille riding stuff and I started punching them dots, writing that one more little thing on there and this, this dude popped up on this shoulder. Y'all know what he looks like, right? And he says don't worry, he can't read that. And if you decide not to tell him, you can still back out at the last minute. And I thought, that's right.

So I'll push through the doors of my Home group Monday after the noon meeting. And and as I remember going through that door, I thought, ain't no way I'm going to tell him that one.

No way.

So we went in the backroom and we sat down and I unfold my paper and I'm getting ready to do my fist up and I don't know, he just kind of said, just a minute, Dave. And he grabbed my hand. He said God,

I think you better help Dave be fearless and thorough from the very start.

It was a God moment for me.

I don't know if he knew it,

but

I've been hearing that all weekend in my head and when he said that I thought,

this dude's reading my mind.

He knows I'm fixing to lie to him,

Kind of. I kind of was scared to hide it, you know? And I got to the end of that list and I hung there for a moment. He waited.

And I want you to know that I hadn't felt anything through my fifth step up to this point.

And I hung there for a moment,

and then I puked out that last thing. And when I did, I tell people, I said I feel like I had, up to that point, been living my life in this kind of a dark Gray bubble.

And when I puked out that last thing, that bubble popped

and I was in the sunlight of the Spirit like I've never been before.

It was an inrush of the sunlight of the Spirit, a conscious contact with God. It was overwhelming. You know, I mean it. It almost took my breath away.

I've talked to a lot of people as every now and then I'll find somebody. It says, yeah, it happened like that for me too, but not most. But I can tell you this, that nearly everybody who's fearless and thorough from the very start on their fifth step will tell you that at least, if if not instantly, at least over the next couple of weeks or the next month or so, that the lights drastically come up.

We start really gaining this conscious contact with God

and the promises. After that fifth step says we begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.

We feel we're walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe.

That's what Step 5 does

and then you move on, you know, to get on through them steps. You come to step nine and oh God. Here's another freak out though. God, you talk about the deflating. That ego, cultivating the willingness, honest and humility to do step 9 is even worse than Step 5 is going to tell the truth. I can do Step 5 in an hour.

Takes me months, maybe years of sustaining and trying to keep that willingness, honesty and humility to get through all of step 9.

And, and because of that fact and because of the ego deflation process that taking place through all them months of step 9.

My, my experience with God is even growing. Did you know on page 79 right there in the middle of step nine, it says, although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Did you know the first mention of beginning to develop this ability to receive guidance from God is in step 9?

Reminding ourselves that we've decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction

to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences might be.

We may lose our position, a reputation or face jail, Oh my God, but we are willing.

We have to be. And if you can be that willing, and if you can go and be that humble and set down face to face and be that honest, I want you to know that your God experience is going to grow through this step 9:00 and you're going to come out the other end of that it particularly if you ask God for guidance and strength and all them things. Help me, what should I say? You know you can louse up in amends. You know that.

But if you'll, if you'll prayerfully prepare yourself and ask God for guidance and go out there with and let God get involved in it with you, you'll be amazed before you're halfway through. It says it becomes a God experience

and the promises after step nine say if we are painstaking about this phase of our development, it says we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. This is the first mention of intuition. I'm beginning to develop this ability to have the voice to get familiar with that guiding voice of intuition is through the process of Step 9,

and that's a powerful part of our program. Don't miss it.

I tell my sponsors, I say, I know you've got a mountain of a men's that to climb. My God, some of us owe lots of money and like, oh, it's going to take years and you know, it looks like a mountain of a men's going to have to climb. And I say, but if you'll let God get involved in that with you and you ask God for guidance and strength to do it, and I said you're going to be climbing the mountain of God.

And my life has been that way ever since. It's always if the near disasters where I have the biggest God experiences.

And this thought brings us to step 10, which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.

Keep that ego deflating process working for you.

We vigorously commence this way of living. As we cleaned up the past, we have entered the world of the Spirit.

Whoa, what does that mean?

You know, the first time I read that, I just kind of blew right past it.

That I'll tell you when it started to mean something to me,

I was at the point in my program where I felt like I was about ready to start sponsoring or working with somebody. I'd learn to share in meetings and, and, and I, I was starting to get some people say, I like what you shared. That was cool, feels good. And I remember 1 morning I asked God, I said, God, I, I want somebody to work with in my little morning meditations And I went off to the early morning meeting, 8:30 meeting. And

sure enough, after the meeting this guy come up to me and said I liked what you shared,

he said. I was wondering if I get your phone number

and I said sure, here, I gave you the number. He said. He said I also have a drug problem. He says I'm trying to kick heroin. He said, I I might need to give you a call. I said sure, great, here's my number. And I went home saying, whoa, yay, God answered my prayer. I got somebody to work with. It's real cool. Now, my wife had told me the night before that her sister was going to come over that day to bring us some homemade egg rolls. Now see her sister is is a hypochondriac and

she she has a medicine cabinet of all kind of pills that I like.

And so I used to talk to her about my back all the time y'all know. And, and so she used to keep me with pills. And I guess I hadn't told her I was in recovery yet.

So, So sure enough, I get home from the meeting. I lay down, take a little nap, and I hear a knock on the door. I said, oh, yeah, I forgot she is coming. I went to the door and it was her sister. She comes in and we walked the refrigerator. She hands me a pan of these homemade egg roasts. Here you go. And I should put it in my hand. I'll set that in the refrigerator. She said, here's something else I put out in my hand. She handed me a, I don't know, a bowl or a tray with tinfoil over it. And I put that in the refrigerator. And she said, here, hold out your hands. And I held out my hands and she poured a pile of Vicodin in my hand,

and my heart jumped into my throat and was just pounding,

she said. That ought to hold you for a while,

thought it'll hold me till you get out the door. A nice handful of one good dose.

Oh God. And she went out the door and I am fighting with my hand. I want you to know, oh God, yes, no, yes, no, take them, no. Oh God, it was a bad, bad day

and I'm patient. The floor and I thought, OK, put him in the drawer. Put him in the drawer and try to lay down and take your nap. I put him in the drawer later. Utah, can you go to sleep? Not when they're talking to you from the drawer that loud.

So I got back up and I got him out of the drawer and I and I'm walking back and forth saying take him no, take him no. And and then Norma came home from work, you know, and she goes in the backroom to change clothes. And I thought, go tell Norma, go tell Norma. So I'm running down the hall and this guy pops up again.

Says hold it here. Let's don't be too drastic here. Let's talk this over.

He usually wins them talks, didn't he?

And he was winning that one. And I thought, hell, was it Hillary. I mean, it was ripping me in half and I thought, hell was it. I'm just going to take him. I'm just going to go take him. And so I'm turning around. I'm going back down the hallway to through the kitchen door. I'm going to go get the water jug and swallow this handful of pills. And right in my phone is right by the kitchen door. And right as I'm going through the kitchen door, it went bring. I want you to know if I'd have been a step past it, I would not have turned around and come back. I would have said Norman, get the phone.

If I'd been a Step 2 before it, when I'd had time to think, I wouldn't have answered. I said normally get the phone

but it rang right as I was passing right by and I didn't even think at all. These went praying and I grabbed it said hello and this guy said Dave I'm about to go use man. He said talk me out of it.

I thought I am not in Kansas anymore.

It says we have entered the world of Spirit and that day I got a phone call from God

precise to the second when I needed it.

I want you all to know there is a God factor in this equation and waking up to the reality of that is an awesome experience.

I went out to treatment center one day. I've been going out there quite a bit. One day I walked in and discussed it. Dave, I'm having trouble contacting my higher power and I said, well it's not your job to contact your higher power. He said it's not. I said no, your job is to work the steps. And I said and these house cleaning steps that we call this steps 4 through 9, I'll say be fearless and thorough from the very start. I said you do a good job on them steps and clean up, you know, acid and remove the things that block you from this experience.

I said if you do a good job on those steps, he'll contact you.

There was a guy sitting there kind of a smarty. He said what if I don't believe in God? And I said you will then

you will then.

So we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. And when these crop up, we ask God it wants to remove them. We keep this process. I've got to keep this ego thing deflated so that the God factor can be working in my life, the most important fact of my life today. So we ask God that wants to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately, make amends quickly. We've harmed anyone.

Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. It does not say casually turn your thoughts to someone you can help.

The big book says if an alcoholic failed to perfect enlarge his spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others, that is not casually. That means that I'm going to do this on some days when I don't feel like it.

I'm going to do this on some days when I think I've got something else more important I'd rather be doing. There's got to be some sacrifice in here somewhere.

Resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help. I remember when my sponsor said he was signing up people to go out to the treatment center and he said, Dave, I've got I'm supposed to sign up. People go to speak at detox. He said, I've got two dates here, which one do you want? And I said I don't want either one of them,

he said. Well, then I'll just put you down for this one.

So I went and did that and and kind of ground through it. We didn't do a very good job. I came out and he said, he said, good, I'm going to have you go back next week. And I thought, oh God. So I went the next week and and when I came home, he says, Dave, I'm real proud of you.

I love my sponsor. He, he always made me feel a foot taller than I was.

He made me want to do it for him. He said, I'm real proud of you, Dave. He said, you know what he said, I think I'm just going to put you down to go once a month. I thought hell, I better go get my big book and and start getting some stuff here to carry a message

from the book.

The messages in the book y'all.

So I started working at that. He had me going once a month. And you know, I want, you know, I'm 10 years sober to this day and I still go two or three times a week now. It's the joy of my life.

So this is where I begin working on that trying to get better, you know, and I was, I was working at trying to have a better message to carry. And that's all I was doing. I was just going to my meetings and, and, and going to this treatment center and, and working it, trying to learn how to take what's in this book and present it to them in a way where they could hear it. And, and I'm just working along attack. And I want you to know now, when I when I was about 11 years old, I picked up a habit of dipping scope

and it was a bad addiction as any as I've ever had. I want you to know they say that one dip of skull has the nicotine of a pack of cigarettes,

and I dip skull from morning to late night.

I always had a dip in my mouth

and I had tried to quit a few times, but oh, it like to killed me. There was a time there was a girl in my church. She was bulimic and boy that the church had sent her to counseling and therapy and all they and then I mean she was going to kill herself. And so I had this bright idea one day because because me and her we as good friends and I said, listen, I make a vow with you. I won't dip skull ever again if you won't do that. She said deal

and I didn't take a dip for two months

and my skin like to peel it off. I ain't getting it. Like they killed me and it was killing her too. I remember one day we met each other at church and released each other from our vow.

And I went off to the store and got me a can of stone. And I want you know, I filled up my jaw at skull and sit down on the curb. I patted myself on the back and said, Dave, don't you worry, I'll never do that to you again. I promise I'll never do that to you again.

But, you know, as I started getting older and watching my dad grow old and addicted to nicotine and his health falling apart, you know, and I thought, I don't want to grow old still addicted to nicotine. So in the back of my mind, I still hope someday I could quit. Would you like to quit today, Dave? No, God, don't scare me with that today. Not today, no.

But you know, back there when I came into A and when I did that fifth step in that bubble pop that I felt the in Russia, the presence of God

that took my breath away.

I came out of that backroom and I was just leaning against the wall there, just feeling the presence of God.

And this dude come up said hey, what's happening? And I said, man, I just did my fist step. I said this is awesome.

I said, man, if this experience, the spiritual awakening keeps growing like this

as I proceed on naa, I said, you know, I could conceive of the possibility that someday I might possibly find the courage. Someday, maybe

to think about seeing if maybe God might help me quit Skull again. Someday

maybe.

And I said, so you hold me accountable to that. I told this guy said, in six months you asked me if I've quit skull yet. Don't let me get past it. Get away with that. He said, all right, well, I forgot all about that. Six months later he called me. He said, Dave, I'm thinking about quit smoking. How how did you do on the quitting skull? And I said, oh God, I forgot all about that. I hadn't thought about that. It no, ain't no way. I'm not ready for that.

Forget that, he called me on a Monday,

and I want you to know that on Tuesday Norma came home from work and we had dinner. We went off the grocery store to buy the groceries and I bought all my Kansas go for the week. Came home, it was kind of late at night. She had to get in bed, so I was putting up the groceries in the kitchen all by myself. I got me a big fresh dip, put it there between my gum and cheek and fixing the groove for the night, you know, and I'm putting the last couple of cans up in the cabinet and boom. I said the only way I can describe this is as if I'd like been standing in a puddle of gasoline.

Didn't know it. Somebody leaned around the corner of the door and tossed a match in it, and it just went. And I was in the presence of God again, just like that day on that fifth step.

And I mean, I just, I just froze

and I was standing there

and I, I say I heard God, you don't. I didn't hear a voice. I felt God and I knew what he said. He said spit that out right now and I will free you from this addiction.

And I thought, what about in the morning when I wake up with that craving on me?

And he didn't, He didn't say nothing. Huh,

I thought, well, maybe if he's going to free me from this addiction, I'll I won't wake up with that craving. Is that right? God?

And he didn't say nothing. God don't repeat himself much.

And all of a sudden this presence just started to like go away, just start to leave, like, well, if you don't want it. And I said, wait a minute. I said wait, don't go. I said don't go. I said I'll take it, I'll take the deal. And I ran over the sink, spit out my skull, got me a mouth full of water, rinsed out my mouth, spit it out and stood up.

And it was gone. It was gone. I felt like some kind of shadow that had been living in me was just gone.

I walked around my kitchen for a while wondering am I dreaming

or what?

Then I sat down on my kitchen floor and cried for a while.

I just couldn't believe it.

You know my sponsor Ed, I told, I called Ed and told him about that he's and Ed said God will provide what you need and will take away your difficulties. That victory over them will bear witness to those you are to help. And and he said so you just keep on carrying the message.

Now I'm not I know there's plenty of people in a a that's still smoking dip stolen. I ain't saying anything about this was just one of my God experiences. You'll have your own.

That was just something in the back of my head I hope someday to get free from,

and it happened.

And so I continue to take personal inventory and I continue to set right my mistakes as I go along. And I continue to resolutely turn my thoughts to someone I can help so that God might continue to provide what I need and remove my difficulties.

That victory over them will bear witness to those. I will help

that there's a God factor in this equation.

Few years ago I was doing my laundry. One night is about about midnight is in October. Nice time of the year to have the windows and everything open. Enjoy the fall weather.

And I heard some Thunder off in the distance and I thought, cool, it's gonna rain. I love rain, you know? And a little while later, the Thunder rumbled a little closer. And I thought, oh, cool, it is gonna rain. And about 10 minutes after that,

it didn't start raining.

It started hailing golf ball sized hail. And I mean, it sounded like someone backed this huge dump truck up to my house and just dumped a load of rocks on my house for about 10 minutes, no rain. You know, I've, I've been in hell before where it rains and it's pouring down and all sudden you hear a ping pang thong, you starting to bounce off the window in the car, you know, and you go, wow, starting to hell now. But usually it's been raining for a while. First, not this night, there was no rain. It hailed solid rocks for 10 minutes before it ever started raining.

It got scary. I went and woke Norm up and said we need to pray.

And it demolished my roof.

So I call the insurance adjuster guy out and he climbed up there and looked at my roof and come down said, yeah, you got about $3200 worth of damage up there. And he says you've got a $900 deductible. And and I thought, oh God, $900. He said, you got a year to settle this claim. And I thought, well, I'm going to need a year to save the $900,

so I didn't think anymore about that. That was in October. We swung all the way around to the next June and in June I thought, oh wow, I wanted a few more months to save up my $900 deductible.

So I called the roofer guy out there to come out and look at my roof and give me a bid on what he's going to charge me to fix it. And he climbed up there and he come down. He said you maybe about $5000. I said $5000. That insurance adjuster told me 3200 and he said well, he must know to look very good. He said you got two roofs up there and

he said and whoever did that last work didn't do it right and waters leaked all under there. He said in your decking is rotten

and he said in the two before, is it jet out past the wall or rotten all the way around your house and the fascia is rotten all the way around the house. He said I've got to pull both them roofs and all that off before I can ever even start putting a new roof up there. He said and that's not hell damage. Your insurance isn't going to cover that at all.

Oh God. Oh man, I was getting scared now.

And then Norma walked in and said, hey, guess what? I

could retire five years sooner if we buy back that five years of my retirement. I said, well, how much is that? She said, well, it's $42150. You got to be kidding. I'm I'm freaking out about this roof right now. And she said, well, you know, that's what I can get it for right now. It's going up in October. I said I got to get the roof done by October. Done. Doesn't forget that one. Oh God, ain't no way. So I go to bed that night. I'm doing my inventory like my sponsors training me to do as a habit.

And I come across that have you feared? Have you been? Were you afraid? And I thought, yeah, I'm afraid.

So I asked God to remove my fear. I jumped in bed. I said, God, I'll call my sponsor tomorrow and report in about my fear. See, that's that's showing my human side. That's that humility. Yes, I'm scared,

I said. I'll call, I'll call my sponsor tomorrow and, and, and you know, and report in. And just as I'm going to sleep,

I thought I

heard that voice of God again that I'm starting to get familiar with.

And he said, did you ever finish paying for your seeing eye dog?

Oh God, don't bring that up now I've got enough hat, but what do you? I went and got a CNR dog back in 1982

and they used to give them dogs away but they found out we'd take better care of them if they charged us some

so and they said we don't care how you pay it.

You can pay us a dollar a month or $50 a year. We don't care how you pay it, just as long as you pay it and don't get some charity organization to pay it for you.

So great, that's not it. Easy enough. I went back to Texas and went through a divorce. You know, all of us have a string of those don't. We went through my next divorce and walked away from that marriage with a lot of debt.

Since seeing I wasn't really pressuring me, I think I might have put that one on the back burner and may have forgot it. I don't even remember

and here I am in the midst of this financial crisis and I was like, God help me. Did you ever finish paying for your CNI dog?

Don't that what that could have been. God. God wouldn't be that mean.

That wasn't God. That wasn't God. I put my head under the pill and tried to go to sleep. Got up the next day. I'm walking around the house all day going That wasn't God. That wasn't God couldn't have been God. I've been sober now for a while and everything's been going just fine. That could have been God. By the afternoon I had myself believing that that wasn't God and I was feeling OK again. You know, you can talk to yourself out of

out of missing your blessing too, if you want.

And so I had myself believing that wasn't God. And so I'm going to go into the kitchen now and make supper. And I keep a radio on the kitchen table because I like to listen to talk radio while I'm piddling around in the kitchen. And so I flipped on the radio and the first words come out of that radio. This lady said hi, I'm Jane Doe said today we're going to be talking to John, Smith

said. John recently went blind and he went and got a CNR dog and he wants to talk to you about a CNI dog.

There's a God factor in this equation. We are not in Kansas anymore. We have entered the world of the Spirit.

And I turned off the radio and I looked up at God and I said, God, I just can't afford to pay that right now.

And boom, it came back at me,

he said. You can't afford not to.

How do I bring God into this equation?

By continuing to set right any new mistakes? By continuing to take personal inventory? By continuing to make amends and and pay what I owe.

And God brought this one up. And if I want God to stay in the game, I better do what he said. I said you can't afford not to. You're in a crisis. You want to handle this one by yourself? No Sir,

then you can't afford not to make these amends.

Don't bog down in your amends.

So I'll call C and I, I said, I think I may owe you all some money. I don't remember. They said. When I said 1982, he said, my God, I don't know if we have records back that far.

He said, I'll have to call you in a few days. So he called me in a few days. He said, yes, Sir. Mr. Archibald, He said you still owe us $35. Oh, great. Oh, I thought it was going to be the whole thing. I couldn't remember, you know, I was so glad. And then Norma wrote a $35 check and put it in the mail. I said. I said, God, you should have. You sure made a big fuss out of $35

and I felt like God said you didn't know it was $35.

You thought it was perhaps the whole thing

and you sure demonstrated a lot of willingness.

And I felt, you know, the big book says just to the extent that we do is God asks us to do, he will match our calamity with serenity. And right there, I felt the serenity wrap around me about the whole mess.

A few weeks later I'm sitting on my living room floor doing the steps with the new guy.

We went outside on porch take smoke break and I mentioned to him about my roof crisis that I was in the middle of and he said really? He said he was an old roofer. He climbed up there and looked at it and he come down. He said how much that insurance adjuster said they paid and I said well 3200 deducting my 900 deductible he would pay me 23. He said I can do all that for 23. I said you can't. He said sure. He went and got a roofing buddy of his and they came over and took that $2300 and did the whole thing. The.