The OLANA conference in Virginia Beach, VA

I'm a radical bam bam.

Love you more.

Can you hear me in the back?

First thing I want to do is thank Dwayne and the committee and, and, and the whole convention committee. It's an honor and a privilege to be here. I'm overwhelmed by this.

Yeah, Like you said, you called me up and he says, you know, we we, you know, started tape and I went wow,

police and I asked did you send to take them from

umm. I I like I like this. Actually, I'm not. I don't know why I'm nervous because I like this. I like having captive audiences. I want to be a rabbi once, that's how captive I wanted my audience.

One of the last things I do before I get up to speak, but I haven't spoken in a while, is again on my knees and ask the God of my understanding to speak through me so you could get a good message.

And and I got butterflies in my stomach. So hopefully sometime soon he'll kick in and you'll hear what you're supposed to hear tonight.

I, I don't see any fancy songs or, or, or read any beautiful poetry. No, I don't have, you know, this wonderful thing that I do while I'm up here. The only thing I do when I speak in a Narcotics Anonymous meetings is share my experience, my strength and my hope, the experience that I have through this program, the strength that I got. And I hope for myself as well as, you know, everybody, the hope that you hear a message and the hope that I can stay clean by listening, you know, remembering my story.

Don't talk a lot about drugs. I don't think there's a person in here who needs to hear about drugs.

I'm going to look for the steps real quick and that's just because I feel most comfortable when I'm speaking in the steps from front of me there.

The one thing I will do is I will tell you that I

A week before I got clean, I was at a point in my life where I didn't think there was anywhere else to go. I was feeling helpless and hopeless. Penniless, jobless, unemployable, unemployed, no friends, no family that wanted to talk to me. I

I ate where I could, slept where I could.

I found myself back in New York where I'm from. Not that you could tell by my accent

back in New York trying to work something out and the thing that was trying to work out didn't work out.

And I'm not really sure, I gotta be honest with you. I'm like the only, I'm the only person who has on on like a grand jury transcript that my brain cells are fried from drugs. You know, because after about a year and a half of being clean, they finally caught up with me for shit that I can. I say that for stuff that I have done in the past

and I have to go. In fact, I have to go to Maryland where Randy's from.

I'm saying, OK, I have to go to Maryland to face the grand jury. And when, when I had a year and a half clean for stuff that I had done like three years earlier. And when, when, when the when the Attorney General of the United States was asking me how come I didn't remember all of these things, I told him, I guess my brain cells are fried from the drugs. And that's actually been very transfers.

So I really, you know, it's like, I really don't remember a lot of things that happened the last couple of days.

I do remember that the last day I was out there,

I was all of those things and more, but I just told you about. And

somehow or other somehow, whether or not out of drugs too, but somehow or other, my sister came along in the old name, my old neighborhood, and she took me out to my mom's house and she was living in Long Island. And my brother got me up money to go back to Miami, where I was living at the time. And I had gone to Miami originally because I wanted to get away from the drugs in New York

and

and I went back to Miami. My brother sent me back on a you know, gave me plane ticket, plane money, got back to Miami and and I said, what do I do? And he had told me about this fellowship and he even going to for about 3 months for my Cox Anonymous.

I, I was so afraid that when, when I heard the name Narcotics Anonymous, because of all the stuff that I was into, that if I picked up the phone and called information that like, and I said the word narcotics on the phone, they'd be like, you know, the tree police would come and get me. You know,

the cops would be knocking at my door and, you know, I'd be cartered away, you know, because they knew, they knew. Everyone knew,

but So what I do is I looked in the phone book and I got to say, you guys part of committees, part of the service structure, part of service and Narcotics Anonymous. I am so glad that public information does its job because the number is in the phone book.

I'm so glad that, well, I'm an H and I guy myself, but

I'm so glad that, you know, like the 12 step people were doing their job before I even know what any of this stuff was because a guy called me back and he said to me, well, you're in luck. There's a meeting right down the block from your house in an hour, and I could be there if you want to meet me.

And I guess if I knew then what I know now about how many meetings really are where I was from and how often they hold these meetings, I might not have felt the way that I did. But when he told me that I was in luck, I really felt that for the first time in a whole lot of years, I was in luck

and that this guy could meet me too. Wow.

And I went to this meeting and I don't remember a whole lot about this meeting except that people told me to keep coming back. I wrote up to my first meeting on a motorcycle. My head was down to my ass.

I when

letters and boots and ripped T-shirt and red jeans.

That's funny. Only about six months ago. So I cut my hair.

It used to be part of my story, the way he was talking to me about this earlier that when he had to pay part of my story used to be, It's been this long since I got in trouble because every time I have to go to court, I had to cut my hair.

And every time I cut it like really short. And then I have to wait till it goes back again. And it was like 12 years into recovery and I was going, it's been this long since I cut, you know, since I got in trouble last. And about six months ago, it was like so hot. I was working and I was sweating, my head was bothering. And I folded up over my head and then back again, back again.

My neck was all sweaty and irritated and I just wanted my my, my old ladies, my young lady,

the hairdresser. So I walked into a shop one day and I said, look, you got to do something to this. And she said I could snip it for you. I said, I can't do it, you know, And she got sicker than I did. She cut it off like, Oh my, she was used to seeing me as long as time. And it's not that like it's like too, because

I'm still on, I still on the Harley and I'm sorry,

that's where I got my serenity from too. And I sold one of them about, I don't know, probably about two weeks ago I sold, I had two, I had a 70. Well, it doesn't matter, but I sold one of them about two weeks ago. I still have one more And but I don't dress in like the boots and the Leathers and I don't like colors anymore. And and somebody came over to me the other day, the conventional last month or two months ago, the convention said, didn't you used to be a biker?

I thought, yeah, sure I am, but I just dressed better these days.

It's amazing my recovery can do for you. Imagine what Lisa can do for me.

They told me that. My sponsor told me that you're always your your best when you're raw at meetings. And next week, Lisa and I get married.

Yeah, we've both done it before,

but I got some pretty well because I'm pretty nervous, you know, It's like this time I think I'm doing it for the right reasons. I actually like and love the girl that I'm with, you know, And there are no drugs there, so it's pretty cool too. But this is like, these are all just like, you know, things that have been going on with me. And, you know,

I'm gonna go back to, I guess it's a good thing I don't know this song because I probably sing along.

I'll get back to my first meeting.

I got to my first meeting. I pulled up on my motorcycle. I got off and I pulled off my leather jacket and I walked into the room and I don't remember a whole lot. I do remember that when I walked into a room, there's a bunch of people sitting down and they were like smiling pretty much like what everyone's doing here tonight. It was like, you know,

their eyes weren't glanced over. They want sunken back in their heads. They had, you know, like some life behind their eyes. And, and it was a bunch of people sitting in this room and I walked in and, and

I was 170 lbs back then, okay. And, and all of those things, you know, my eyes were sunk back in my head. I had big black circles underneath my eyes. I was like,

torn and tattered, you know? And I walked in and I pulled off my leather jacket and I saw this girl sitting in the back. And I walked over to her and I put my jacket down. And I said, can I leave this here for a minute? And she said, yeah, sure. I don't know what I did. Went to the bathroom, We got some coffee or whatever, and I came back and I sat down next to him

and I asked about, you know, what was going on. And she said it's a speaker meeting. You know, listen, I don't remember.

I was looking at horror or maybe concentrating on the motorcycle being out front or something. Who knows, But I was.

I was sitting down listening and I heard keep coming back. I heard work the steps or die

and I get a sponsor. I think that the girl also told me those same things and this guy Cliff, that it that called me back from the helpline. He walked in and he came out to me and said, you must be Gee, how did you know?

So So we talked for a while and, and afterwards they took me to coffee and we hung out for a while. And, and this girl that I had been sitting with, she pulled out a meeting less than and she said, well, this is the meetings that I'm going to be going to tomorrow night, you know, and

I went there. Keep coming back

and when I went to that meeting that night, I heard keep coming back or just steps or die and and get a sponsor. And then I asked the girl, I said, what meeting you going tomorrow night? She pulled out a meeting. Listen, she said this one and you know they said bring the body and the mind will follow. You know, I follow parts of my anatomy. I don't know about my whole time.

I just kept coming back and finally I did. I met this other guy and he pulled up to a couple of meetings on a motorcycle and it was something about like being new in recovery. One of the things I always looked at was whether a guy was packing or not.

I've lost that edge. Not that I really care to have it anymore, and I don't really know when it happened I lost that edge. But I do remember one time I was working out. I was sitting in my living room in our house. I have a weight bench right in the middle of my living room. I haven't worked back in about six months, but it's probably about six months ago. I was, I was, I was working out in the living room. I was laying down on the bench

and we have an upstairs that the staircase is right in front of the bench and

working out, just laying down on the bench, working out and all of a sudden I heard Lisa say bam and I'm working around and she said I'm up here, said when did you get here? She said, I just walked in a few minutes ago and walked right past you and said, wow, I lost the edge. You know that edge about knowing exactly what was going on everywhere around me. Who's packing, who's got it, who doesn't have it, who's with somebody who's single. I knew all of those things when I walked into room. I collect, you know, scan it out and know everything,

but I lost it and I don't care that I have it anymore, you know, because I don't plan on needing it anymore. But when I first got clean, that was just like inbred in me already, you know, like I knew it. I knew was a guy that used to come to to meetings on a motorcycle also and he packed. There was no doubt in my mind that he had a piece in his back

and I was OK because I had one under my shoulder for the first couple of weeks.

But they told me to find somebody who had what you wanted and asked him to sponsor you.

I think I was driving 1000CC engine and he had 1200 at the time. You know,

I

Assassin's response?

No, actually, I can just sponsor me. Things changed a little bit because now I've been going to meetings for a couple of weeks and I started hearing people say we're up to steps.

I heard my sponsor told me you got to work the steps. You know, like I remember going to meetings and I still used to see two posters up on a wall meetings that I used to go to. One of them had the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous. One had the 12 traditions of Narcotics Anonymous. Nobody ever told me to work the traditions. I figured I was halfway home. And then I looked down the steps and, you know, I thought it said don't do drugs, things will get better.

I said I'm done with that one on here.

Second one is something about God. I can skip that one. I wasn't much into God back then. Third one definitely said God, it's like a skip that one. Fourth one was talking about some kind of an inventory. You could forget about that. And 5th one was Shannon with somebody in that way, six and seven talked about shortcomings and character defects and perfect. So don't be down,

said something about making amends and nine steps said you doing amends, I think. Well, yeah, let me try these two.

I pulled up one of my exes moms and I said, Rosemary, it's me. I'm clean like a hot three weeks now. Things are better. I'm OK. I just want to apologize for ever hurting you.

And she said, you know, you're an asshole. You always were an asshole.

Wasn't exactly the response I was looking for.

So next time I went to a meeting I was reading those steps things again and I passed 8-9 this time and more inventory stuff 11. Meditation when you turned into a guru or something. Yeah, 12

helping override it. I'll try this one.

I was walking down the street in Miami and I was in front of a convenience store and there's a guy walking, walking the other way, smoking this drug.

And I walked up to him and I grabbed this thing out of his mouth and I told him all about this great program, that

talking.

I didn't exactly get the response I was looking for.

So I'm back to this guy who's carrying a gun and wearing the colors and riding a motorcycle and I said look, the steps don't work.

Somebody mean your steps don't work. I said look, this is my experience with the steps and I don't work. He said the steps are in order for a reason. And I said we talking about he said the steps are in order for reason. So what's the reason? He said because when they work on the way you try to, they won't work. So I fired them.

So find this other guy who's a lot bigger than me

and asked him to sponsor me. I think it made me, you know, this guy would know what he's talking about. I told them about my experience with the steps also and he told me the same thing.

This guy's a little bit afraid to fire because he was so much bigger than me.

I don't know why. I wasn't afraid of a guy with a gun. I was afraid of a guy was bigger than me.

I'm still friends with the first guy. In fact, he called me up like a couple weeks ago. He was coming through North Carolina, where I'm living now, and you want to know if you can stop by. But we weren't going to be there or something. So it's like the program really does like

program really does make some strange friendships.

Strange friendships. I introduced

my fiancees ex-husband

at a convention last month. He was a speaker and I introduced PSP to introduce him. And, and like, we're friends too, you know,

I was friends with him before I was friends with her. And in fact, he's dating a girl who was very instrumental. And he's staying cleaner in the beginning of my recovery, too, which is really strange, you know? So like the four of us were together and people were going wait a second.

Weird shits going on here.

My sponsor told me that the steps are in order and supposed to work at them and the way that they're written, you're supposed to work them in order. And he said the first one doesn't say anything about drugs. First one says that we admitted that we were powerless over our addiction and that the first step is broken up into two parts. So the first part talks about our addiction and that's the only thing that I have to make sure that I do every single day

step that I have to work on every single day. Notice stay clean.

The second-half and the rest of the 11 is how I recover.

Anybody can stay clean and work in the first half. For the first step, it takes working the steps, working with a sponsor in my opinion, working with an NA sponsor. Who's got an NA sponsor? Who's got an NA sponsor?

That's just my opinion and the views reflected here are not necessarily those of the management of the station or our sponsors.

People used to tell me that I was an NA Nazi. I'm Jewish. I can't be a Nazi.

So I told them I was a vigilante.

Says In our traditions, we must be vigilant.

I got a computer for the first time. I, I got this thing, I, it's got like, I don't know, 9 million megahertz, 400 gigahertz.

Why don't you get on to I can get onto like this, this, this Internet thing

and I got conferences there. Recovery. Well, you know, they say it's recovering conferences, but I haven't seen any, any conferences. I haven't been on them yet.

I want to throw that in.

I'm going to have an NA conference. Then I'll say they have recovery. No, I shouldn't say that. No, It's funny too, because I stepped towards. Well, at the beginning of one of our books, it says that maybe this is a bad time to talk about it, but hell, I'm on A roll.

Well, it says in the beginning that we're really grateful to some other fellowship for having charges in the way. And I think that's really great that, you know, like long ago we were. But, you know, as addicts, I don't think we have a borrowed anything. You know, I remember stealing a bicycle, painting it red, changing the serial number and calling it mine.

As far as I'm concerned, we own these steps. You know,

on the 1st after the first step we started, we were talking about addiction. And addiction wasn't necessarily drugs. Addiction could be any of those many things that got me into whatever it was that made my life unmanageable. It was gambling, it was sex, it was cars, it was motorcycles. It was the drugs for sure, but there were so many other things also. And it wasn't like put down the drugs

that I can start working in first after the first step and then I can start working on the addiction part of my recovery

when we got through the first half of the first step and he said it was time to work the second-half of the first step. And again, this is the way my sponsor worked the steps with me and the way that the guys that I sponsor, I work the steps with. But

so many different ways to work the steps. And as long as you have a good sponsor and, and, and if you don't, then get a new one. As long as you have a good sponsor and he works the steps of Narcotics Anonymous and, and, and you know, and you're working them with them, then whatever way he says to do them. And that's the right way. But this is just what works for me.

And we got this second-half of the first step. I thought that it said life is going to get better now. And my sponsor told me that it says life became unmanageable. You're still going to get flat ties. You still going to be late for work? You still going to run into assholes on the road? As a matter of fact,

I was working the second-half of the first step and my alarm clock didn't ring one morning. I was late for work. And of course the guy who manufactured the alarm clock was an asshole. When I got outside, my Milwaukee iron wouldn't crank. And of course everybody in Milwaukee was an asshole. And then when I finally did get to work and like on the way, people were cutting me off on the road. They didn't see, don't see something that makes that much racket and has its headlight on and

but they don't see motorcycles for some reason. But everyone cut me off. Of course they were an asshole. And when I got to work, of course my boss was an asshole for yelling at me for being late to work. And finally I just left there. I went home call response and I said, look, everybody's being an asshole today

When he said if you change your attitude that we want less asshole.

It was funny the way that everything that happened in my life happened when during the steps that I was working. It's amazing the way God puts things into my life.

We got to the second step after that and it says that we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. Now my sponsor always told me that the 1st 3 words were one some of the most important words and that's that and you got to each one of them individually. We

then we came, then we came to

I can't do it alone, have to show up and I have to wake up

and none of those things apply for my using. I did it alone. I never showed up

and most of the time I passed out and came to.

Rest of the stuff was a lot easier to work on than that.

My sponsor always gave me assignments. He always gave me assignments to write. He always gave me assignments to read. You always give me things to do and it always matters that things that were going on in my life always seem to correspond to things that were going on in my steps.

Finished the 12 step. It was funny too, because when I got through all the steps, I didn't graduate. I didn't get a magic said. I'm recovering. I can't put a plaque on my wall that says

good job, you've made it. My sponsor sends me back to the first step when we start all over again

and each time I go through the steps I learn more about this attic and hopefully you know through that I can learn more about

all of yous. And hopefully, you know, you can keep me equally one more day.

We'd like to start that

that girl that was sitting in the back of the room and I were living together

and

I don't know, I just want to tell me I should learn the difference between my will and God's will.

And I went over to this girl one day and I said, you know, like I'm having a little problem with this. Can you help me out? What's the difference between God's will and my will? And she said, well, your will is anything that you want to do without asking anybody for help first. God's will is anything I want you to do.

Needless to say, we're not together.

But they're all four words in the third step that I think are more important than any other words in any of the other steps.

And I say this because the way I read it

everywhere I've ever seen it written, whether it's whether the steps are written in bold print in our text or on italics on our cards, those four words which are repeated twice in the steps are written differently

in our book. When I written bold print, those four words are in my colleagues. When on our sheets and our cards, we know the words are written in my palace. Those four words repeated twice are written in bold print as we understood him.

There's a lot to be said about those four words. Now, I don't know if you're into this gender correct bullshit or politically correctness. And you know, I don't know if you want to say, you know, as we understood God, okay, that's fine. But I think if you just take it

at face value that him is a term that people use

unilaterally, is that the word I'm looking for? For things that involve

magic or humankind

as we understood him.

It's not the God of my misunderstanding for my childhood. You know that gotcha God? You know, like you do something and your mother tells you do that again and God is going to get you. You do it again. You fall down a flight of stairs and she says see Guy. Gotcha.

Much like the God I grew up with. I got you, God.

It's not to understand. It's not, you know, like thank God I can come to a meeting in Virginia at the Park Robertson Hotel

and not have to worry about being a good Christian.

You know, nobody ever told me because I'm Jewish, I can't recover. Nobody ever told me that. Hell, if I was an atheist, I couldn't recover. Nobody ever told me that when I first got clean, I didn't even believe. Well, I shouldn't say I didn't believe that there was a God. I just didn't believe that he'd give fuck him up. Said that word again, didn't I? That he that he cared about me

because if you cared about me, why did he put me through all that stuff that I was going through?

So it's only been probably the last two years that I even say the word God when we do the serenity prayer for all of those years that I was clean, I had this understanding of a we understood God. The basic text tells us that he has to be loving, carrying and greater than ourselves.

And that's all I used for 10 years. But he's loving, caring and greater than ourselves. So that's the God that we understood in this room. And

that was so much easier because when I first got to the first step and I thought that I could work the first step and sits on my God and I know I couldn't do it. I would never have gotten it. But when I got to the third step and when I got to the second step was funny because I told my sponsor I can't do this step. He said, why? I said, listen, talks about God. He said, what is it talking about God? I said like that ourselves. Everybody says the power greater than myself that I call God,

he said. No orange stuff. Does it say God?

I said, well, I believe that a power is better than myself. Then he said you believe in science. I said, yeah, show me. He said something knocked you off your feet, put you on your knees. That was the drugs. Something brought you off of your knees and you're walking tall again. What was that?

Narcotics Anonymous, She said. OK, it's by weighted in ourselves and that's what I used for 10 years as the power greater than myself. The feeling that I get when I walk into a room anywhere

and I get hugs and smiles.

Front Rofer with black girls going. No, boy,

hey, that's I'm feeling, you know, I have a bunch of black girls sitting front Rd. going telling me go boy, you know, go white boy. Yeah,

that's a feeling. You can't get that anywhere else but in Narcotics Anonymity.

So for 10 years, the power better than ourselves that I used was this fellowship, feeling that that that fulfilling that I get from this fellowship. And that's what I used for like a lot of years until so like about two years ago, I guess,

when I moved on to my 4th step with my sponsor again, you know, we worked on it and I said, I don't know nothing about this thing. You know, if we're right in the searching, you feel, let me tell you the first he told me what to write. I mean, this guy told me what I should do. You know, he told me that I should skip the line between each thing. I should write only the people that were there and the thing that happened. I didn't have to write all the details. I just have to, you know, like I didn't tell me. But it wasn't. And, and no matter what I read and no matter what I saw, it wasn't searching and it wasn't furious.

Surely wasn't a moral inventory.

And a lot of the time that I was doing this footstep, I didn't even bother to write.

I would think of something and I'd be afraid to put it on paper,

and I'd walk around with that anger all day long and I'd yell at people and I scream and I'd be loud and obnoxious. Well, if some things don't change,

that's why I was doing sports that for a long time.

Finally, my sponsor said, why don't you just pray that it'll come out of your head, into your arm, onto the pen and then onto the paper.

And I said yeah, but then I got to fix up afterwards and I got to share that with somebody.

They told me if I've learned anything that you got to do the steps in order and that they each separate from the next.

I don't know. Help me out here. Can anyone do a four step but not know that they're going to do a fix up later? I don't know.

That's what I needed to do. I gave him the shot, but I can't tell you that when I prayed that it would come out of me and onto the paper and I'd be able to leave the anger and the guilt on the paper. It was a whole lot easier to do it. And I prayed and every day I prayed. And when I prayed, I wrote for like 3 hours straight and then I put it down and go to sleep.

And when I woke up the next morning, if I had nothing to do, which nearly in my carvery, I really didn't have much to do. Early in my recovery, I was like so unemployable

that I that my sponsor had a friend who owned an Italian restaurant. And he says, well, if you would just come in and stir this big VAT of sauce that we have with this giant wooden spoon that we have, we'd be able to free up a couple of people to do the real work.

OK,

So I showed up at this Pine restaurant, and the guy hands me this morning, says, there's the back. All you got to do is start it. I'll be back in an hour. And he left. And I looked at the bat, and I looked at this big wooden spoon. And I called up my sponsor. And I said, which way do I start?

That was a wreck.

It was a rash.

That's how bad things had been. So when I was doing this, 4th step was like the same thing. I just like, you know, things were like bad and I was carrying around and I didn't know what to do and I didn't know where to go. And I didn't, you know. And then I started writing. So I didn't have much work to do in the mornings, you know, I woke up. Yeah. I go down there and start the sauce in a little while, you know,

So I would pray and I would write, and then I go stir some sauce. Come home, go to a meeting Friday night.

I can make a chill of sauce these days though.

I I finished my 4th step now. I got clean about two weeks after this guy, Jeff. Jeff and I have been friends in recovery. We stayed friends, but he got clean like two weeks before me

and got the same response between. I hated that. And I was always like, you know, I thought it was like some sort of a race. I called them my spots. I said already. I said yeah,

let me make an appointment, do my 5th with you. And he said oh OK, when you want. I said let me get Saturday. He said when Jeff is coming Friday, I'll be the Thursday.

Can't do it Thursday, you have to come from Saturday.

I got on my sponsors house for Saturday morning and we started doing the fit step.

The funny thing about this fit step was that I had no plans on telling him everything that was in this book. So what I do is I copied some of the better stuff into another book

and I knew that I was going to bring only the better book with me.

And I have to respond to house. And I opened up. I started reading and oh shit, brought the wrong book.

Don't try this because you'll get jammed. God works in mysterious ways. See what

things I've added to my God since the days of being just, you know,

looking, carrying you're better than myself is that he's got a sense of humor and it never fails that he uses his sense of humor in the most inaccurate times, inopportune times for me. It must be great timing for him, but

this is always good for me. But I went over to my sponsors house and I started doing this fish step and finally when I finished I said look, I got to know something. I said my sponsor was RT. I said RT. In fact, he's still my sponsor.

Yeah, I got it. I gotta know, I said.

No. I guess Jeff like better than me or worse than me.

What kind of a guy is he? You know, like A

and my sons said, the only difference between you and Jeff is he did it with a goat and you did it with a sheep.

I finished my fifth step when my sponsors was trying to tell me was that we're all the same, it don't matter. It doesn't matter how much, how little. I think I read that somewhere too.

It doesn't matter where we came from. Might as well, we're going and we're all coming. We're all showing up. So I guess we're going in the same direction.

It didn't matter what kind of drugs I did, what kind of drugs he did, and the matter how much pain we inflicted on ourselves or on other people. Didn't matter how badly we prostituted ourselves because we got to do what we got to do. And I'm getting it. And once we get here,

we can do it first half of the first step and stay clean. We can do the other 11 nap also and start to recover. I haven't tried recovery. I haven't liked it a whole lot. I don't reckon I got no reason killing nobody,

finish my fixed effort. My sponsor been writing while I was doing my fix that he'd been writing all these things down. Things that I have to work on, shortcomings tied to defects.

My sponsor did split up to six and seven staffing, but I'm not going to because what he did was he gave me assignments. He gave me a bunch of assignments that he wanted me to start with the first one and do it for six weeks, but after two weeks, start on the second one and do that one for six weeks, but after two weeks, not on the third one.

And he had all these assignments for me to do. I didn't understand a lot of these assignments. One of them was do something nice for someone and don't tell them why you're doing it.

This meeting every day and not wait. That one was

he told me to let me do something. No, first one, do something nice to someone and not tell him why you're doing it. So what I used to do is I was right on my motorcycle and in Florida they had these toll boots,

you know? OK, well, when you're on a motorcycle, there's those of you who ride. No, you can go to the far right, to the far left, miss that little bar in the middle,

and I never pick up on it. And you just go on by. Sometimes it's only a time, but sometimes you save yourself $0.50 for a dollar.

Plus I got clean. I figured what I would do is like, I can't really go back and tell them, look, let me give you back all those 50 Cent pieces that I stole from, you know. But what I did was I went up to the booth and I would like hand the lady 1/4 or whatever it was. And I'd say, and also this is for the car behind me and then I can sit and take off.

No, I'm having some fun with it. I started waiting to see if there was like some girl driving the car behind me and like

her boyfriend sitting next to her in the car with her.

And now I was with head down to my ass leather jacket and I was wearing colors and I had my boots on riding the motorcycle. You know like my hands up here. I pull up and I give the lady $0.50 and he's enough $0.50 for you

for the call behind me. And I take off and I take off real slow and I'd watch him my side view mirror and you can almost hear the guy saying and where the hell do you know him from?

Let's not have a little fun with assignments. So after like two or three weeks of figuring them out, they didn't seem so bad anymore. There was one that he told me to find somebody that I honestly disliked. I say something honestly nice to them.

That's ridiculous. I don't like you. You're going to know I don't like you. But he said this is what you got to do. And there's this one guy used to come to meetings all the time. He was a wine son of a bitch.

She had the same damn thing every time he said

we love a guy. Just made me sick to look at him. You know

when they are working to a meeting, this guys got this really nice pair of sunglasses on. So I said, baby, you've a really nice pair of sunglasses.