The Aberdeen Wednesday Night Group's Quarterly Meeting in Aberdeen, SD
I
am
just
so
thrilled
to
introduce
him.
I
met
him
the
other
day,
well,
yesterday,
Friday
afternoon
and
he's
just
just
a
pleasure
and
I'm
so
excited
to
hear
him
speak.
Please
welcome
Bob
from
Ohio.
Wow,
my
name's
alcoholic
and
my
problem
is
Bob.
Hi
everybody.
I'm
nervous
and
I
saw
that
there
was
an
exit
door
there
and
I
have
been
talking
to
Bob
for
the
last
two
days
and
tell
him
to
wear
a
tie
just
in
case.
And
because
sometimes
I
just
don't
feel
like
I'm
connected
enough
to
God
to
carry
his
message,
and
I
don't
want
to
carry
my
mess.
I
want
to
deliver
the
message
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
And
I
know
we've
done
it
once
already,
but
back
home,
it's
usually
the
speaker
that
asks
to
have
a
moment
of
silence
and
then
say
the
serenity
prayer.
So
to
get
me
back
on
that
even
kill,
would
you
bear
with
me
and
say
the
serenity
prayer
one
more
time,
please?
Thank
you.
Then
just
stay
seated.
God,
grant
me
the
serenity
to
accept
the
things
I
cannot
change,
the
courage
to
change
the
things
I
can,
and
the
wisdom
to
know
the
difference.
That's
just
how
some
of
our
meetings
are
a
little
different,
and
that
always
helps
to
try
to
get
me
out
of
the
way,
but
before
I
get
out
of
the
way,
I
do
have
some
pertinent
information
that
I
have
to
offer
to
you
before
I
allow
God
to
talk
in...
to
let
you
know
that
my
name
is
Bob
Clark
and
then
my
phone
number
has
changed
and
it
is
330
8159288
and
I
know
that
is
the
main
reason
I
ended
up
here
so
I
wanted
to
make
sure
that
you've
got
my
phone
number
and
the
reason
I
let
you
know
who
I
am
and
where
my
what
my
phone
number
is
is
if
you're
ever
in
the
Akron
area
and
you
want
somebody
to
take
you
on
the
tour
or
you've
got
a
friend
or
a
family
member
in
that
area
that
needs
help
it's
hard
to
find
Bob
seeing
the
phone
book
And
if
you've
got
my
phone
number,
you
don't
even
need
to
worry
about
a
phone
book.
Dr.
Bob
talked
about
that
anonymity
statement,
that
it
is
just
a
large
violation
of
that
anonymity
statement
to
be
so
anonymous
at
a
meeting
that
God
don't
even
know
you're
here,
as
it
is
to
take
it
to
the
level
of
press
radio
and
film.
And
in
the
rooms
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
I
have
been
taught
that
there
is
no
anonymity
in
here.
We
have
to
know
who
we
are
and
what
we
are,
or
we
can't
help
each
other.
So
you
need
to
know
who
I
am,
and
please
remember
who
I
am
when
I
leave
here.
You're
welcome
to
tell
anybody
that
I
am
a
member
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
that
you
saw
me
here
because
that
might
be
the
person
that
needs
help.
I
am
not
ashamed
to
be
an
alcoholic.
All
right.
I
also
need
to
let
you
know
that
I
have
a
sobriety
date
in
this
November
the
8th
of
1989.
Thank
you.
And
I
know
some
of
you
are
here
out
of
treatment,
and
just
so
you
don't
have
to
do
the
math.
I've
got
about
17
and
a
half
years,
and
that's
through
a
grace
of
a
loving
God
and
good
sponsorship
in
a
program
called
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
It's
also
important
for
you
to
know
that
I
have
a
sponsor,
who
has
a
sponsor,
who
has
a
sponsor.
And
it's
just
important
for
you
to
know
that
I
do
sponsor
people.
And
I
talked
to
almost
every
one
of
them
today.
I
picked
up
the
phone
and
called
them
just
to
see
how
they
were
doing,
and
that's
important
for
you
to
know.
Because
this
book
has
very
little
to
do
with
about
my
drinking,
and
it
has
a
lot
to
do
with
working
with
other
people.
I
have
a
home
group.
We
meet
on
Friday
nights.
It's
a
speaker
meeting
in
Cuyahoga
Falls,
and
you're
all
welcome
there.
It's
open.
And
I
live
in
Akron,
Ohio
now.
And
if
you
don't
know
why
Akron,
Ohio
is
so
important,
Alcoholics,
Anonymous,
I
suggest
you...
call
your
sponsor
and
find
out
but
it's
a
it's
a
neat
place
to
be
from
i
was
talking
to
somebody
earlier
and
i
give
you
that
phone
number
because
i've
done
it
in
the
past
and
and
i've
ended
up
with
phone
calls
and
say
hey
yeah
i
heard
you
in
buffalo
or
i
heard
you
in
vegas
or
i
heard
you
here
And
I'm
coming
through
Akron.
I'd
love
to
stop
and
see
the
sites.
And
it's
a
neat
deal
to
take
people
around.
I
have
learned
so
much
about
our
history
because
of
you
people
coming
in
and
taught
me
that,
that,
you
know,
I'm
not
a
good
book
reader.
So
I
never
picked
up
Dr.
Bob
and
the
good
old
timers,
but
you've
taught
me
a
lot
about
our
history.
And
it's
neat
to
watch
you
light
up
when
you
see
some
of
the
sites
in
Akron.
I'm
on
the
board
of
Founders
Day,
which
is...
Probably
the
largest
conference
that
happens
every
year.
We
have
just
over,
just
under
11,000
people
there
in
Akron
every
year
right
around
Founders
Day,
and
I've
been
on
that
committee
for
eight
years,
and
that's
some
of
the
service
work
that
I
do,
and
that's
a
neat
deal.
If
you've
never
made
it
to
Founders
Day,
save
your
pennies.
We
have
a
good
time.
We
really
have
a
good
time.
And
it's
usually
right
around
June
to
10th,
and
if
you're
not
so
sure
why
June
the
10th
is
so
important,
call
your
sponsor.
And
you'll
find
out
why.
And
that's
enough
of
the
important
stuff
for
me.
Oh,
there
are
a
couple
other
things
I
want
to
thank
the
group
for
bringing
me
here.
Man,
I've
been
looking
forward
to
this.
I
got
a
call
from
John,
geez,
13,
14
months
ago.
And
he
says,
hey,
I
heard
your
talk,
and
I'd
like
you
to
come
speak
at
our
home
group
in
July.
And
I
says,
man,
July
is
really
booked.
But
I'll
see
what
I
can
do.
And
he
says,
well,
we're
not
talking
this
July.
We're
talking
July
2007.
I'm
like,
wow.
And
I
says,
well,
I
think
I
can
make
that.
And
I
says...
Where
is
it?
And
he
told
me,
and
I
went,
you
got
to
be
kidding
me.
And
so
I've
been
anxiously
looking
forward
to
this
for
a
long
time.
You
know,
they
say
that
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
something
that
you
have
to
want
for
yourself,
and
you've
got
to
have
the
desire
to
be
here.
But,
folks,
I'm
going
to
tell
you
the
real
truth
about
it.
There
have
been
times
I
have
stayed
sober
because
I
have
responsibilities
for
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
I've
got
a
disease
and
a
brain
that
says,
you
don't
want
to
be
sober
today,
and
it's
going
to
be
different.
Right.
So
sometimes
I
have
used
outside
things
to
keep
me
sober.
Now
that
might
sound
strange,
but
I
have.
Because
left
to
my
own
thinking,
I'm
screwed.
So
there
have
been
times
in
the
last
year
that
my
responsibilities
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous
has
kept
me
on
the
right
track,
kept
me
involved,
and
kept
me
wanting
to
do
things,
do
the
next
right
thing
so
that
I
could
be
here
today.
Okay.
brought
me
out
here,
you
set
me
up
in
a
hotel
room,
and
right
off
the
bat,
I
thought
that
was
interesting.
I
got
a
handicap
room.
And
that
was
interesting,
but
I
am
very
handicapped,
but
it's
nothing
to
do
with
anything
physical.
But
I
fit
right
in
and
there,
you
know.
The
bathroom
is
very
large,
and
I
guess
I'm
old
enough.
I
need
those
handrails
on
the
side
to
get
up
every
once
in
a
while.
I
caught
myself
once
in
a
handrail
in
a
bathtub
already,
so
I
guess
I'll
have
to
think
about
that.
I
had
a
couple
of
young
men
that
took
me
around
to
a
meeting
yesterday,
Jason,
and
he
lent
his
car
to
me.
And
that
was
really
neat
because
I
was
able
to
tour
around
town.
And,
Elliot,
if
you
happen
to
hear
this,
buddy,
I'm
missing
you.
I
wish
you
was
here.
I
know
we
don't
have
a
timekeeper
tonight,
so
I
guess
I'm
blessed
in
that
way,
Elliot.
But
if
you
hear
this
CD
later,
Elliot,
and
I
miss
you
and
I
appreciate
you
in
my
life,
too.
It
was
a
great
deal.
And
John
got
me
to...
made
sure
I
got
to
at
least
three
meetings
yesterday,
so
he
knew
what
Alcoholics
Anonymous
was,
and
that
I
knew
what
it
was,
and
how
you
guys
did
it
here,
so
I
wouldn't
screw
it
up.
And
that
was
neat.
You've
got
some
great
meetings
here.
It's
nice
to
see
that
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
alive
and
well
in
Aberdeen,
South
Dakota.
Enough
of
that
stuff.
Let's
get
to
why
I'm
here.
Thank
you.
The
big
book
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
says,
I'm
supposed
to
tell
you
what
we
were
like,
what
happened,
and
what
we
are
like
today.
It
does
not
say
what
it
was
like.
I
was
guilty
from
saying
that
from
the
podium
for
years.
It
does
not
say
what
it
was
like.
It
says
what
we
were
like.
And
I
don't
know
what
all
of
you
were
like,
but
I
know
what
I
was
like.
So
I'm
going
to
tell
you
what
I
was
like
to
be
part
of
the
we.
And
I
have
to
keep
it
that
way
so
that
I
stay
a
part
of.
The
instant
that
I
say
what
it
was
like,
I
try
to
separate
myself
and
be
different,
you
know.
And,
well,
that's
that,
and
this
is
me,
and
that's
not
part
of
me.
So
I'm
going
to
tell
you
what
I
was
like,
not
what
it
was
like.
I
have
no
idea
what
it
was
like,
you
know.
You
need
to
talk
to
my
family
to
find
out
what
it
was
like.
I
didn't
live
much
through
it,
you
know.
The
book
says
what
we
were
like.
I'm
from
a
family
of
four.
I
was
the
oldest
kid.
I
grew
up
at
Akron,
Ohio,
and
that's
where
I
was
rubber
capital
of
the
world,
and
dad
had
a
great
job
at
one
of
the
rubber
factories.
He
worked
six
days
a
week
there.
He
also
worked
six
days
a
week
during
the
day
as
a
carpenter
and
to
keep
food
on
the
table
for
the
family
that
he
had.
And
he
was
a
hardworking
man.
He
was
a
man
of
trust
and
honest
and
dignity.
And
he
lived
those
four
absolutes
to
a
tea
and
never
knew
what
they
were.
He
just
came
from
a
hardworking
family.
And
he
taught
me
those
values
and
I
had
a
good
mom.
And
I
saw
my
dad
drunk
once.
Dad
was
the
kind
of
guy
that
would
bring
a
six-pack
of
Genesee
beer
home,
and
that's
back
when
beer
were
still
in
steel
cans.
And
he
would
drink
half
a
beer,
and
he'd
set
the
rest
of
them
in
the
ice
box,
and
six
months
later,
mom's
cussing
at
him
because
the
cans
have
literally
rusted,
and
the
seam
broke,
and
it's
spraying
beer
all
over
the
refrigerator,
you
know.
And
I
consider
that
real
alcohol
abuse
in
my
family.
And...
I
saw
my
mom
get
drunk
a
couple
of
times
on
a
half
a
glass
of
wine,
and
she'd
set
the
other
half
glass
down
and
say,
I'm
done.
You
know,
I'm
starting
to
feel
it.
So
I'm
telling
you
those
things.
And
there
was
no
divorce
in
my
family.
There
was
no
abuse
in
my
family.
It
was
kind.
It
was
loving.
I
got
everything
I
ever
needed,
not
everything
I
ever
wanted.
But
I
always
had,
you
know,
food
on
the
table
and
clothes
on
my
back.
And
we
were
able
to
go
on
vacations
as
a
family.
And,
And
I
wasn't
beaten
as
a
child
or
locked
in
a
closet
or
put
on
the
potty
backwards
or
anything
strange,
you
know.
And
the
reason
I
tell
you
those
things
is
because
many
times
I
hear
people
come
to
the
podium
and
try
to
blame
their
alcoholism
on
all
that
stuff.
And
you
know
what?
I
tried
for
years
too
and
it
just
didn't
work.
I
don't
know
if
I
was
born
an
alcoholic.
I
don't
know
if
I
crossed
an
invisible
line.
It
became
an
alcoholic.
I
don't
know
if
I
was
an
alcoholic
in
waiting.
I
don't
know.
And
it
doesn't
matter.
What
matters
is
that
I
know
I
have
a
disease
called
alcoholism,
and
that
I
have
got
a
daily
reprieve
contingent
on
my
spiritual
beliefs
and
understanding
of
God.
And
I've
got
a
way
out
today.
And
it's
called
the
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
That's
what's
important
for
me
to
know.
It
doesn't
matter
how
I
got
it.
It's
important
to
know
that
I
do
have
it.
Because
if
I'm
always
trying
to
figure
out,
well,
why
do
I
have
it?
It's
always
because
I'm
trying
to
figure
out,
well,
they're
to
blame,
and
so
therefore
it's
not
my
fault,
you
know?
It
doesn't
matter.
I
was
brought
up
in
a
neat
family.
We
had
good
time
together.
I
was
the
oldest
of
four
kids,
and
mom
taught
me
how
to
wash
and
cook
and
clean
and
help
raise
the
siblings.
And
that
was
a
good
thing.
I
always
looked
at
that
as
a
bad
thing
for
years,
but
it
was
a
good
thing.
I'm
on
my
own
again,
and
I
can
take
care
of
myself
pretty
well.
And
dad
was
hard
working.
And
I
was
this
tall
when
I
was
in
high
school,
and
I
weighed
about
30
pounds
less.
I
weighed
about
100
pounds
less,
and
maybe
about
120
pounds
less
to
come
to
think
of
it
after
this
weekend.
And
I
was
just
tall,
lanky
kid,
and
I
just
didn't
seem
to
fit
in
in
anything
I
did.
I
wasn't
good
in
sports.
I
didn't
fit
in
well
on
a
basketball
team,
and
I
didn't
fit
in
well
with
the
brains
in
school
and
stuff.
And
I
was
always
the
tallest
kid
right
from
the
get-go,
you
know.
And
I
just
never
seemed
to
fit
in.
I
just
never
seemed
to
be
comfortable
in
my
own
skin
for
a
lot
of
years.
And,
you
know,
I
was
always.
And
I
don't
remember
my
first
drunk
or
my
first
drink.
I
didn't
know
it
was
going
to
be
important
when
I
got
here,
or
maybe
I
would
have
tried
a
little
bit
harder.
But
I
do
remember
my
mom
and
my
dad
talking
about
when
I
was
six
or
seven
years
old,
and
I
was
at
an
old-fashioned
Polish
Upa
wedding,
you
know,
where
they
had
an
up-a
band
upstairs
and
downstairs.
All
the
family
was
cooking
meals
and
stuff,
and
he'd
go
upstairs,
and
there
was
dancing
going
on,
and
there
was
a
pretty
girl
in
the
center
of
the
room
and
a
white
dress,
and...
You
know,
you
walked
over
and
you
gave
her
a
dollar
and
then
you
danced
with
her
real
quick
and
then
you
walked
off
to
the
side
and
an
old
man
standing
there
with
a
big
ball
of
something,
you
know,
and
I
don't
know,
it
was
old
granddad
or
a
crow
or
something
and
you'd
take
a
swing
off
of
that
and
it
tasted
nasty
but
everybody
was
doing
it
and
giggling
so
I
went
back
to
my
mom
and
got
another
dollar
and
went
back
to
my
dad
and
said,
can
I
have
five
dollars?
And
somewhere
during
that
whole
evening
I
ended
up
under
a
table
and
passed
out.
That's
what
I
heard.
Well,
I
can
tell
you
that
the
rest
of
my
drinking
yours
was
just
like
that.
I
like
to
dance
with
pretty
women
in
a
bar.
I'd
give
them
a
couple
of
bucks,
and
we'd
get
drunk,
and
I
would
usually
pass
out
someplace.
So
I
really
don't
remember,
you
know,
when
I
first
got
drunk,
but
I
do
remember
that
there
was
a
funny
feeling
that
happened
inside
of
me.
And
I
was
the
late
bloomer.
I
really
don't
remember
intentionally
getting
drunk
until
I
was
almost
a
senior
in
high
school,
folks.
You
know,
I
know
that's
late
these
days,
but
my
God,
I
think
I
was
14
or
15
years
old
before
I
had
control
of
alcohol
in
my
life.
Like
I
says,
I
was
tall
and
lanky
in
school,
and
I
just
didn't
seem
to
fit
in.
And
some
kids
says,
well,
let's
go
out
for
lunch,
and
they
handed
me
a
Schlitz
tallboy.
And
I
had
an
old
church
key,
and
we
would
shot
and
got
a
beer
back
then.
And
that's
for
some
of
you
people
that
don't
understand
what
that
is.
You
take
that
church
key,
and
you
poke
a
couple
of
holes
in
the
bottom
in
that
beer
can
and
start
sucking
on
it
real
hard,
and
then
pull
the
top
off.
And
all
that
beer
would
just
slide
right
out
of
that
can,
right
down
your
throat,
all
the
way
to
your
toes,
and
come
right
back
up
through
your
stomach
and
out
your
nose,
you
know?
Yeah.
And
that's
exactly
what
happened
the
first
time
I
did
it.
You
laughed.
And
guess
what?
I
fit
in.
All
of
a
sudden
I
was
accepted
by
a
group
of
people
that
was
like,
well,
this
is
kind
of
neat,
you
know.
You
laughed.
And
you
just,
hey,
have
another
one.
And
I
said,
great.
And
I
tried
it.
And
I
tried
it
again.
And
about
the
third
or
fourth
one,
there
was
enough
that
stayed
inside
of
me
that
I
do
remember
that
certain
peace
and
ease
and
comfort
coming
over
me.
You
know?
Yeah.
The
big
book
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
says
we
drank
essentially
for
the
effect
produced.
And
that's
exactly
why
I
drank
that
beer.
First
of
all,
I
was
accepted,
and
about
the
third
or
fourth
one
went
down
inside
of
me.
I
start
to
feel
that
peace
and
ease
and
comfort
come
over
me.
And
all
of
a
sudden
I
was
comfortable
of
who
I
was
and
what
I
was
and
where
I
was
at.
And
I
went
back
to
Elliot.
Good
to
see
you,
man.
You
can
make
amends
to
work
later.
and
I
went
back
to
class
and
I
passed
out
I
did
that
for
a
little
while
but
man
I
didn't
like
to
taste
the
Schlitzmalt
liquor
beer
and
it
was
usually
warm
because
you
know
somebody
had
stolen
it
out
of
dad's
ice
box
and
had
been
buried
in
the
backyard
for
a
couple
of
days
or
hidden
under
a
pile
of
leaves
you
know
it's
just
nasty
tasting
stuff
and
somebody
handed
me
something
that
became
the
love
of
my
life
for
quite
a
few
years
after
that
And
what
they
handed
me
was
a
bottle
of
Boone's
Farm
apple
wine.
That
always
brings
a
few
tears
to
a
few
people's
eyes,
and
there's
one
of
a
little
winette.
And
I
became
a
connoisseur
of
fine
wines
when
I
was
in
high
school.
I
could
tell
a
fine
wine
by
how
many
screw
threads
were
on
the
caps.
And
I
would
able
to
turn
that
bottle
up,
and
I
was
able
to
drink
it
straight
down.
And
I
got
the
same
peace
and
ease
and
comfort
from
that
Boone's
farm
that
I
did
the
beer,
but
I
didn't
have
the
after
effects.
The
taste
was
okay.
It
didn't
come
back
on
me
like
beer.
It
went
down
a
lot
easier,
and
it
was
a
heck
of
a
lot
cheaper.
I
was
buying
Boone's
Farm
apple
wine
for
98
cents
a
bottle,
folks,
when
I
was
drinking.
Now,
I'll
let
you
know
right
off
the
bat,
just
so
you
don't
have
to
guess.
52
years
old,
graduated
in
1973.
I
lived
that
era,
you
know.
And
if
you
want
to
know
what
that
era
is,
watch
the
70
shows.
You
know,
the
70
show,
that's
what
I
grew
up
with.
And
it
was
a
neat
time
to
be
a
kid.
And
it
was
a
neat
time
to
grow
up.
It
really
was.
There
was
a
lot
of
freedoms
that
were
going
on
at
that
point
in
the
world.
And
drinking
was
accepted.
It
really
was.
And
I
fell
in
love
with
Boone's
Farm
Apple
Wine.
And
I
grew
up
right
next
door
to
Kent
State
University,
and
that
was
drawing
a
lot
of
other
things
that
were
going
on
over
there.
And
I
remember
my
dad
says,
don't
ever
do
drugs.
You'll
get
hooked
on
them.
And
I
said,
okay,
Dad,
hell,
I
had
Boone's
Farm.
I
didn't
give
it.
I
didn't
need
that
stuff.
You
know,
I
was
in
love
with
Boone's
Farm.
But
there
was
a
lot
of
that
going
on
just
right
next
door
at
Kent
State
University,
and
that's
where
the
kids
were
shot,
and
I
lived
through
all
that
era,
and
I
spent
a
lot
of
time
on
that
campus
and
never
went
to
a
class.
I'll
tell
you
that.
I
did
a
lot
of
drinking
in
that
community.
And
every
place
out
there
served
Boone's
Farm
apple
wine,
you
know?
And
I'm
15
years
old
and
running
around
the
streets
of
Kent
buying
wine
and
drinking
it,
and
then
I
got
a
car,
and
everything
changed.
And
I
got
a
64
Chrysler-Newport
Fordor
with
a
push-buttoned
torque
flight
transmission
on
the
panel
over
here.
I
had
an
eight-track
stereo
strapped
up
underneath
the
dashboard,
and
it
had
a
Craig
Powerplay
booster
in
it.
And
four
speakers,
it
was
quadrophonic,
and
that
means
four
for
some
of
you
folks
that.
And
I
had
a
car
that
went
boom
long
before
this
stuff
of
this
day,
man,
you
know,
you'd
crank
it
up
just
right
in
that
power
booster
would
kick
on
and
the
light
would
flicker
on,
you
know,
and
you
knew
you
had
it
going
on.
And
man,
you'd
slam
in
Iron
Butterfly
and
listen
to
Inagata
Davita
and
drink
Apple
Farm,
Boone's
Farm,
Apple
Wine,
and
cruise,
gas
was
30
cents
a
gallon,
and
for
five
bucks
you
could
cruise
for
six
days,
you
know,
it
was
great.
It
was
a
neat
time
to
grow
up.
It
really
was.
And
drinking
back
then
did
a
lot
of
things
for
me.
It
really
did.
But
eventually
it
started
doing
things
to
me.
Because
if
drinking
still
was
doing
things
for
me,
you'd
have
a
different
speaker
tonight.
It
brought
me
out
of
me
back
then.
It
allowed
me
to
have
a
social
life.
It
allowed
me
to
be
free.
It
allowed
me
to
be
comfortable
in
my
skin.
It
allowed
me
to
have
friends.
It
allowed
me
to
do
things
and
go
places
I
would
never
dream
of
and
probably
would
never
want
to
do
again.
I
run
around
in
the
bars
of
Kent,
Ohio.
And
that
was
kind
of
the
bar's
shag
carpet
was
in
style
back
then.
You
remember
that?
And
shag
carpet
and
a
bar
just
never
seemed
to
work
well.
But
they
always
put
it
in
there.
And
you'd
walk
into
this
bar
and
you'd
get
halfway
across
the
shag
carpet
and
your
shoes
would
stick
to
the
floor.
You'd
walk
right
out
of
them.
And
you
really
had
to
be
drunk
before
you
went
in
and
used
the
bathroom,
if
you
know
what
I
mean.
And
you
sat
in
wooden
booths
and
they
served
beer
in
plastic
cups
and
out
of
plastic
pitchers.
and
the
taps
never
had
handles
on
them
they
always
had
a
pair
of
vice
grips
on
them
instead
you
know
and
I
was
growing
up
in
the
era
when
anybody
know
who
Joe
Walsh
is
you
know
for
me
he
was
just
starting
I've
seen
Joe
a
long
time
ago
I
drank
with
him
you
know
in
those
run-down
stinky
lovely
bars
that
I
hung
out
in
you
know
and
I
was
smoking
marlboro
cigarettes
and
just
having
a
good
time
as
a
kid
And
all
this
other
stuff
was
going
on
in
Kent,
and
we
didn't
like
that
other
stuff
going
on.
You
know,
we
just,
those
were
bad
kids,
you
know,
we
called
them
potheads
back
then,
okay?
And
we
didn't
like
them,
and
we
didn't
want
them
in
our
school,
so
we
became
NARCs.
or
wannabe
narcs.
We
never
quite
turned
anybody
in,
but
we
always
made
plans
and
schemes,
and
we
was
trying
to
get
those
kids
caught.
You
know
who
they
were.
You
know,
they
always
wore
an
army
coat
and
big
bell-bottom
pants
that
you
never
saw
their
shoes,
you
know,
and
raggedy
long
hair,
you
know,
and
they
usually
had
a
peace
sign
on
somewhere.
And
they
always
had
a
bulge
in
her
pocket.
That's
because
back
then
a
nickel
bag
was
a
real
nickel
bag,
you
know.
And
that's
the
ones
we
don't
want
them
in
school,
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah.
And
we
would
make
these
plans
to
try
to
get
rid
of
these
kids
in
school
when
I
was
selling
wine
from
the
trunk
of
my
car.
See,
I
learned
how
to
use
you
guys
early
on,
you
know.
Like
I
said,
it
was
a
connoisseurifying
wine.
You'd
open
up
the
trunk
of
my
car
and
I'd
have
it
on
ice
or
I'd
have
it
warm.
Man,
they
came
out
with
Annie
Green
Springs.
They
came
out
with
Strawberry
Hill.
Little
jug
wine
was
real
popular
with
some
of
the
kids,
you
know.
And
if
you
really
wanted
to
get
crazy,
we
had
Mad
Dog
Doocy
Doocy
in
there
and
move
some
greasy
rags
and
lift
up
the
spare
tire,
you
might
find
a
ball
of
Thunderbird
rolling
around
in
there.
It's
good
stuff,
man.
You
know,
and
I
would
buy
it
in
Kent,
and
I
would
sell
it
in
a
parking
lot
at
the
high
school
for
twice
the
price.
If
you
needed
a
place
to
drink...
Give
me
a
couple
of
50
cents
or
so,
jump
in
a
car,
we'll
slam
in
and
it
got
a
divita
and
we're
going
to
cruise
it,
you
know.
And
that
was
good
stuff.
I
was
a
pusher.
Look
at
it.
I
was
a
pusher.
And
we
wanted
to
get
rid
of
these
other
people,
you
know,
and
here
I
am
dealing
out
of
the
trunk
of
my
car
in
high
school.
And
I
did
it
quite
well
for
about
a
year
and
a
half,
you
know.
Made
a
good
living
at
it.
Had
a
good
time.
There
was
a
kid
I
drank
with
every
lunch
break
for
my
senior
year.
And
we'd
go
get
drunk
together.
I
never
charged
him
for
the
booze.
I
never
charged
him
to
ride
in
a
car.
And
he
could
listen
to
something
different
if
he
didn't
want
to
listen
to
Iron
Butterfly.
And
then
we'd
go
back
to
school.
And,
you
know,
to
this
day,
I
don't
remember
what
his
name
was.
Because
I
used
him.
Because
when
I'd
go
back
to
school
and
I
would
pass
out
in
my
class,
his
mom
was
my
teacher.
And
see
if
I
got
in
trouble,
that
means
he
got
in
trouble.
And
if
he
got
in
trouble,
it
didn't
look
good
on
her.
Right.
So
I
learned
how
to
use
people
early
on
so
that
I
didn't
get
the
consequences.
And
I'd
pass
out
in
my
sixth
period
class
and
sleep
for
an
hour
and
wake
up
and
it's
time
to
go
home.
And
I
had
a
lot
of
fun
of
my
drinking.
I
really
did.
I
didn't
have
any
consequences,
you
know.
I
got
out
of
high
school,
and
the
day
after
I
got
out
of
high
school,
I
started
working
my
first
full-time
job.
Okay.
I
had
a
high
school
sweetheart,
and
I
wanted
to
go
into
military.
I
was
the
first
kids
going
through
a
high
school
when
the
draft
was
abolished.
It
was
the
end
of
the
Vietnam
era.
And
I
had
plans
of
going
into
the
military
during
my
time.
I
mean,
that
was
just
the
thing
you
did.
It
was
the
honorable
thing
to
do.
And
I
was
the
first
one
to
come
through
without
the
draft.
So
I
was
that
close
to
being
in
the
military,
and
a
woman
stepped
in.
And
she
says,
well,
if
you
had
a
job
here,
would
you
stay
home?
And
I
says,
well,
yeah,
but
I
hadn't
been
looking.
And
I
knew
I
wasn't
going
to
do
college.
That
should
have
been
a
sign
way
back
then
because
I
didn't
want
to
go
to
college
because
I
knew
all
I
was
going
to
do
was
drink.
I
knew
that.
You
know,
I
just
knew
that.
And
so
I
didn't
go
to
college.
Like
I
said,
I
spent
a
lot
of
time
at
Kent
State,
but
I
never
went
to
a
class.
And
she
says,
well,
they're
hiring
down
where
my
dad
works.
If
you
had
a
job,
would
you
stay
and
not
go
to
the
military?
And
I
said,
well,
okay.
And
so
my
little
Al-Anon
got
me
in
my
first
job.
And
I
stayed
at
that
job
for
17
years.
I
married
my
high
school
sweetheart
a
year
after
she
was
a
year
under
me
in
school.
And
we
got
married
a
year
after
she
got
out
of
school,
not
because
we
had
to,
but
because
we
wanted
to.
I
bought
my
first
home
when
I
was
17
years
old,
and
I'm
working
a
full-time
job.
I'm
married
by
the
time
I'm
19,
making
real
good
money
for
the
early
70s.
And
I
was
given
a
company
vehicle
and
put
out
on
the
road.
And
I
worked
in
the
vending
business.
And
that
vending
business
took
me
into
a
lot
of
places
I
hadn't
been
into,
like
restaurants
and
office
buildings
and
hotels
and
bars
and
gas
stations.
It
took
me
out
of
my
comfort
zone
of
where
I
had
grew
up
and
took
me
into
different
places.
And
it
took
me
into
a
community
called
Barberton,
Ohio.
And
the
reason
I
mentioned
that
is
Barberton,
Ohio
was
in
the
Guinness
Book
of
World
Records
at
one
time
for
more
bars
per
square
mile
than
any
other
city
in
this
station.
You
know,
and
I
spent
a
lot
of
time
there.
I
think
I
got
every
one
of
them
before
they
closed
them
up.
But
that
opened
up
a
new
era
for
me.
And
at
17
years
old
and
18
years
old,
I'm
going
in
and
out
of
places
I
hadn't
been
before.
And
I'd
go
in
and
fix
on
a
vending,
work
on
a
vending
machine
and
get
it
fixed.
And
the
bartender
says,
well,
do
you
like
something
to
drink?
And
I
said,
well,
sure.
And
after
about
six
months,
I
got
tired
of
drinking
Cokes.
And
I
thought,
well,
I'm
going
to
try
something
different.
And
the
next
time
he
says,
what,
you
want
something
to
drink?
And
I
said,
yeah,
I'll
have
a
draft.
Now
mind
you,
I'm
17
then.
I'm
just
getting
ready
to
turn
18.
Legal
drinking
age
for
3-2
beer
was
18.
I
still
wasn't
even
legal
drinking
age.
Been
drinking
really
good
for
two
years.
Now
I'm
in
a
full-fledged
21
bar,
and
he
asked
me
if
I
want
something
to
drink.
And
I
go
out
on
the
limb
and
say,
yeah,
I'll
have
a
draft
beer.
Where
the
magic
started.
Because
I
sat
down
behind
something
I
thought
was
a
beer
tap,
but
it
was
different.
It
didn't
have
vice
grips
on
top.
It
had
real
handles
up
there.
It
said
like
Mickelope
or
Jenny
or
something.
You
know,
it
was
really
nice.
And
he
reached
into
this
magic
chest
behind
that,
and
he
pulled
out
the
magic
goblet.
And
this
magic
goblet
was
all
frosted
up
and
thick,
you
know,
and
a
big,
tall,
thick
stem
on
it,
you
know.
And
he
did
this
magic
act,
and
he
stuck
it
under
this
nozzle
here,
and
he
pulled
on
his
handle.
And
this
liquid
started
flowing
out
of
this
tap
and
into
this
glass
and
swirling
up
and
swirling
up.
And,
man,
it
was
just
beautiful.
You
know,
and
he
turned
it
up
at
just
the
right
instant.
And
this
white
stuff
went
up
on
the
top
of
it,
and
it
started
to
run
down
the
side
of
it,
and
it
froze.
Oh,
I'm
sorry.
I
know
I
can't
make
you
drink,
but
I
can't
you
thirsty,
can
I?
But
what
he
was
doing
was
pouring
a
draft
beer.
You
know,
a
real
draft
beer
and
a
real
glass
that
was
all
frosted.
And
it
ran
down
the
side,
and
he
said
it
in
front
of
me,
and
he
slid
it
over,
and
here,
thanks.
He
gave
it
to
me
and
said,
thanks.
And,
man,
I
tasted
that
magic
of
liquor,
and
it
was
all.
I
was
done
with
wine.
I
was
done
with
wine.
I
had
never
seen
beer
look
that
good
before.
Like
I
told
you,
I
drank
in
Ken.
It
was
all
three,
two.
Came
in
plastic
cups.
It
was
always
flatter
in
a
pancake,
usually
warm
because
they'd
go
through
so
many
cakes
they
couldn't
keep
it
cold.
You
didn't
care.
You
know,
you're
served
at
15
and
16.
You
didn't
care
what
you
was
drinking.
You
know,
it
was
a
dollar
a
pitcher.
What
to
have?
We
were
drinking
for
a
fat,
folks,
not
flavor.
Well,
I
got
to
let
you
know
that
I
like
to
draft
beer
coming
out
of
a
tap
that
way.
And
after
about
a
couple
of
months
of
that,
there
was
a
young
man,
like,
and
this
guy
sitting
here
sitting
down
to
the
bar
from,
yeah,
you.
And
he
showed
me
something
really
interesting.
He
had
a
shot
glass
next
to
that,
frosted
mug,
and
he
had
something
in
there.
It
wasn't,
it
looked
like
that
old
granddad
stuff
I
drank,
and
he
dropped
it
in
that
mug,
and
then
he
drank
it
real
crooked.
I
went,
whoa.
I
learned
all
about
slammers
and
boiler
makers
from
guys
like
you,
and,
you.
I
appreciate
that
because
that
set
a
pattern
for
about
the
next
20,
25
years
of
my
drinking.
I
became
a
barroom
drinker.
Shot
in
a
beer
was
my
drink.
I
loved
it.
Shot
in
a
beer,
shot
in
a
beer.
Alcohol
was
still
doing
things
for
me
at
that
point.
I
got
married.
I
told
you
I
had
my
first
child.
Second
kid's
on
the
way.
I
bought
my
second
home.
We
moved
back
into
the
community
where
I
was
raised
as
a
kid,
bought
a
nice
little
home,
and
starting
a
family.
And
I'm
the
breadwinner.
I'm
the
head
of
the
household.
And
I
got
responsibilities.
And
I
really
don't
know
what
to
do
with
all
that.
I
really
don't
know
how
to
handle
some
of
the
stuff
that's
coming
up,
some
of
the
fatherly
stuff,
some
of
the
husbandly
stuff.
There's
pressure.
I'm
responsible
for
three
other
human
beings.
You
know,
and
it's
that...
And
I
found
when
I
would
stop
and
have
a
shot
in
a
beer
with
you,
and
everything
was
okay.
It
took
the
edge
off.
You
know?
It
took
the
edge
off.
It
was
my
solution
to
my
problems
back
then,
you
know?
Yeah.
And
I
was
raised
in
an
era
of
John
Wayneism,
and
a
lot
of
you
guys
know
what
that
is,
that
you
never
asked
for
help,
you
didn't
care,
you
just,
you
BS
your
way
through
anything,
but
by
golly,
you
weren't
going
to
show
feelings
or
emotions,
you
weren't
going
to
act
as
if
you
didn't
know
because
that
made
you
look
weak,
and
forget
crying.
Oh,
my
gosh,
forget
crying.
Yeah.
You
know,
we
grew
up
with
that.
I
remember
as
a
kid
one
time,
and
you
boys
will
know
what
I'm
talking
about.
We
used
to
have
those
old
banana
bikes,
you
know,
with
a
banana
seat,
you
know,
and
man,
we'd
build
ramps
and,
you
know,
long
before
BMX
was
in
style.
I
mean,
you
know,
these,
and
we
didn't
wear
safety
equipment.
Huh.
We
didn't
even
have
seatbelts
in
a
car
back
then,
you
know,
let
alone
safety
equipment
on
these
bicycles.
And
you'd
jump
off
about
a
15-foot
ramp,
and
as
you
came
down,
your
feet
weren't
on
the
pedal.
And
you
would
tumble
end
over
end,
and
all
of
a
sudden
you
had
bloody
elbows
and
bloody
knees
and,
you
know,
scarred
up
nose.
And
that
was
not
the
worst
of
your
problems.
And
you're
laying
there
in
pain
and
agony,
you
know,
and
the
first
thing
that
mom
does
come
over
and
what
does
she
do?
She
says,
oh,
don't
worry,
don't
cry,
it'll
be
okay.
Don't
cry,
it'll
be
okay.
It's
okay,
don't
cry.
You
don't
need
to
cry.
I'm
sorry,
folks.
I
was
hurting,
you
know?
But
that's
okay.
Don't
cry.
Don't
cry.
And
God
love
her,
she's
just
doing
what
a
mom
would
do,
but
I
learned
how
not
to
cry
and
not
how
to
show
feelings
and
emotions
early
on,
and
that
carried
right
through
into
my
adulthood.
Here
I
am,
a
family
of
a
wife
and
two
kids
and
a
family
and
a
house,
and
I've
got
emotions
and
feelings
that
I
don't
know
what
to
do
with,
and
I'm
scared,
and
I
can't
ask
you.
So
my
solution
was
to
sit
and
have
a
shot
in
a
beer,
and
it
went
away.
The
problems
went
away.
And
that
started,
and
it
went
from
one
night
a
week
to
two
nights
a
week
to
maybe
three
nights
a
week
to
maybe
four
or
five
nights
a
week
to
maybe
four
or
five
shots
in
a
beer.
And
that
disease
of
alcoholism
crept
up
on
me
slowly,
and
it
didn't
come
through
the
front
door
with
DUIs
and
wrecked
marriages
and
abuse
and
divorce
and
all
that.
It
snuck
in
the
back
door
of
our
family.
It
snuck
in
very
subtly
and
quietly.
You
know,
the
book
says,
cunning,
baffling,
and
powerful.
You
know,
and
it
is
cunning
and
baffling,
and
it
sneaks
up
on
a
family
very
quietly
sometimes,
very,
very
quietly,
and
over
a
period
of
years,
you
know.
And
it
infected
the
whole
family
to
the
point
to,
you
know,
it
was
unbelievable.
My
problem,
folks,
was
never
that
I
was
drunk,
ever.
I
never
had
a
problem
when
I
was
drunk.
My
problems
always
were
when
I
were
sober.
And
the
guilt,
the
shame,
the
remorse
of
what
I
had
done
or
what
I
had
failed
to
do
was
overpowering
and
overwhelming
to
the
point
that
the
only
way
I
knew
how
to
get
rid
of
it,
go
get
drunk,
go
wash
it
away.
Let's
go
take
the
edge
off.
That's
all
I
want
to
do
is
just
take
the
edge
off.
You
know,
and
I
tried
for
years
just
to
take
the
edge
off
just
to
get
mellow.
You
know,
and
I
was
able
to
do
that
for
my
first
few
years
of
drinking.
I
would
just
get
mellow.
And
then
somewhere
along
the
line,
I
always
started
overshooting
the
mark,
and
I
would
get
drunk
and
do
things
that
I
didn't
mean
to
do
and
wake
up
in
places
I
didn't
want
to
wake
up
and
be
with
people
that
I
didn't
want
to
be
with.
And
that
still
didn't
bother
me
when
I
was
drunk.
But
the
next
morning
when
I'm
sitting
at
the
breakfast
table
and
the
kids
would
look
at
me
and
say,
Dad,
where
were
you
last
night?
I
thought
we
were
going
to
go
to
the
–
he
was
supposed
to
be
there
for
the
school
play.
Yeah.
Dad,
where
were
you
last
night?
It
was
open
house
at
school
and
all
the
other
parents
were
there
and
mom
was
there,
but
you
weren't.
Dad,
where
were
you
last
night?
We
were
supposed
to
leave
on
vacation
and
the
camper
is
not
even
pulled
out
of
the
backyard
yet.
Dad,
why
are
we
sitting
around
and
candles
at
the
breakfast
table?
Why
can't
we
just
turn
on
the
lights?
Not
knowing
that
the
electricity
had
been
shut
off
again,
that
the
phone
was
shut
off
again,
that
the
gas
bill
was
behind
them
was
probably
going
to
be
shut
off
too.
Now
they're
going
to
be
taking
cold
baths.
That
was
my
problem,
folks,
and
my
solution
was
the
drink.
The
solution
was
always
to
go
get
drunk.
I
couldn't
handle
the
guilt,
the
shame,
and
the
remorse.
And
maybe
if
I
would
have
had
some
wrecked
cars
and
DUIs
and
divorces,
and
maybe
I
wouldn't
have
had
to
go
the
road
I
did.
But
you
know
what?
I
had
to
do
everything
I
did
to
be
where
I'm
at
today,
and
I
am
just
tickled
pink
to
be
here
in
Aberdeen,
South
Dakota.
I
would
not
go
back
and
change
anything
that
I
did.
Because
if
I
was
to
go
back
and
change
anything,
I
would
not
be
here.
And
I'm
happy
to
be
here.
I'm
happy
to
be
a
sober
member
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
You
know
what?
I
can
even
say
that
I'm
proud
to
be
a
sober
member
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
There's
nothing
wrong
with
that.
So
I
wouldn't
go
back
and
change
that,
but
I
was
talking
to
a
friend
back
home
today,
and
she
says,
just
always
remember
where
you
came
from.
And
so
I
have
to
tell
you
some
of
those
things
so
that
I
don't
go
back
and
repeat
those
things.
That's
what
it
was
like
for
me.
That's
what
my
drinking
was
like.
It
wasn't
ugly
and
horrible,
but
it
was
ugly
and
horrible
on
the
inside.
It
snuck
up
on
a
family
and
it
did
some
ugly
things
to
them.
It
got
us,
you
know,
we
lost
two
homes
due
to
my
drinking.
The
electric
was
off
more
than
it
was
on.
It
made
my
wife
a
liar
and
a
cheat.
And
she
never
got
drunk
a
day
in
her
life,
but
she
always
had
to
lie
to
cover
up
for
why
I
wasn't
at
the
family
picnic.
Or
she
had
to
lie
to
the
kids
why
I
wasn't
home
in
time
for
dinner.
And
she
had
to
lie
to
the
family
and
why
she
had
to
borrow
money
to
pay
the
electric
bill,
you
know.
She
had
to
lie
to
the
family
on
why
we
were
moving
again.
She
had
to
do
all
those
things,
and
that's
her
story.
It's
not
mine.
But
that's
what
I
did.
That's
what
the
disease
of
alcohol
is.
did
to
my
family.
And
it's
interesting
that
the
only
time
the
word
disease
appears
in
our
big
book,
it's
preceded
by
the
word
spiritual.
What
I
have
is
a
spiritual
disease.
I
have
a
spiritual
malady,
and
I
always
drank
spirits
to
try
to
cure
it.
Interesting.
Today
I
don't
drink
those
spirits,
but
I
have
a
spirit
in
my
heart
that
is
completely
different,
and
it's
something
I'd
always
look
for.
And
I
got
it
because
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
That's
what
my
drinking
was
like.
What
happened?
Well...
Many
people
had
that
moment
of
clarity
or,
you
know,
got
a
nudge
from
the
judge
and
showed
up
here
and,
you
know,
and
come
in
here
to,
you
know,
get
the
law
off
their
back
or
their
wife
off
their
back
or
their
parents
off
their
back
or
just
trying
to
get,
you
know,
some
pressures
relieved.
You
might
be
here
on
some
papers
and
that's
great.
You
know,
we
sign
get-well
letters
at
every
meeting
back
home
that
I
go
to.
We
call
them
certificates
of
sobriety.
Keep
them.
You
know,
they're
going
to
be
worth
something
someday
to
you.
And
whatever
gets
you
here
doesn't
matter.
Just
stay
while
you're
here,
you
know.
What
happened
to
me
was
I
had
moved
out
of
that
family.
I
had
manipulated
my
wife
for
one
whole
year,
one
solid
year.
I
manipulated
and
twist
and
conned
and
I
wasn't
a
violent
person
on
the
outside,
but
I
always,
I
lashed
out
with
you
my
tongue.
We
were
talking
about
sarcasm
just
the
other
day,
and
a
friend
of
mine
talks
about
where
that
word
sarcasm
come
from,
and
I
was
a
very
sarcastic
person.
And
it
comes
from
a
Latin
word,
when
it's
all
broken
down,
it
means
the
tearing
of
flesh.
And
I
was
very
sarcastic
with
my
family.
I
beat
them
down
so
that
they
couldn't
get
me,
you
know.
And
I
left
scars
on
their
soul
that
will
take
decades
to
cure.
I
would
have
been
better
off
slapping
them
every
once
in
a
while.
Because
what
I
did
to
their
spirit,
I
destroyed
their
spirit
from
the
inside,
and
that's
a
hard
thing
to
rebuild.
I
know,
because
I
came
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
a
broken
spirit,
you
know?
And
I'm
still
working
to
fix
that.
And
I
broke
those
kid's
spirit,
and
I
broke
my
wife's
spirit
down
to
the
point
where
she
finally
says,
move
out.
I
can't
handle
this
anymore.
And
I
went,
yes.
Because,
see,
I
didn't
have
the
nerve
to
move
out.
So
she
had
to
throw
me
out.
And
I
drank
on
that
one
for
a
while.
And
I
already
knew
where
I
was
going
and
who
I
was
going
to
move
in
with.
And
I
moved
in
with
him,
and
for
the
next
three
months,
the
party
was
on
24-7.
The
only
thing
in
our
refrigerator
was
Miller
and
Miller
Light.
We
had
a
bottle
of
rumpleman
schnapps
in
a
freezer.
Okay.
And
somehow
a
bottle
of
tabasca
sauce
got
snuck
in
there,
and
we
still
don't
know
how
that
got
in
there.
And
for
the
next
three
months,
I
was
living
seven
miles
from
my
family
and
didn't
send
money
home
to
them
for
groceries
or
for
the
mortgage
payment
or
anything
like
that.
I
was
just
on
my
own
to
heck
with
the
family.
And
I
told
you
what
kind
of
family
I
came
from.
I
was
taught
every
moral
and
ethic
and
proper
ethic
and
everything
that
I
ever
needed
to
succeed
in
life.
I
was
taught
that
by
my
mother
and
my
father.
And
alcohol
removed
all
of
that
and
gave
me
some
things
that
I
did
not
know
even
existed.
And
that's
what
I
had
become.
A
liar,
a
cheat,
a
thief,
an
adulterist.
Everything,
everything.
And
I
never
wanted
to
be.
That
I
looked
down
in
other
people
I
became.
And
I
don't
know
how
people
do
the
drugs
that
they
do
because
I
tell
you
what
folks
I
was
drinking
and
I
couldn't
afford
it
the
way
I
was
drinking.
And
I
was
stealing
and
conning
and
manipulating
people
just
so
I
could
keep
drinking
the
way
I
wanted
to
drink.
You
know?
That
was
unbelievable.
You
know?
I'd
get
my
paycheck
on
Wednesday.
It
was
gone
by
Friday
and
the
weekend
wasn't
even
here.
I'm
screwed.
So
what
happened
was
my
wife
called
me
one
day.
And
she
says,
our
kids
are
really
having
a
tough
time
with
this
separation.
Do
you
think
you'd
go
to
some
family
counseling?
Well,
a
miracle
occurred
that
day
because
I
said,
well,
sure.
Sure.
And
it
was
a
miracle
because
I
hadn't
agreed
to
anything
that
my
wife
said
for
a
long,
long
time.
And
she
says,
well,
I'd
like
to
pick
you
up
and
take
you.
And
I
says,
okay.
And
that
was
a
miracle
because
now
I
was
given
the
control
to
her.
And
I
hadn't
done
that
in
a
long,
long,
long
time.
And
I
told
you,
I
really
don't
remember
my
first
drink
or
my
first
drunk,
but
I
do
remember
my
last
drink
up
to
this
point
in
my
life.
And
that
was
on
November
the
7th
of
1989.
It
was
about
9.30
in
the
evening.
And
I
was
at
my
headquarters
bar.
And
I
was
drinking
a
Miller
out
of
a
glass
bottle.
And
I
was
taking
that
bottle,
and
I
was
making
those
little
wet
rings
in
the
top
of
the
bar.
You
can
do
with
a
beer
bottle.
I
was
setting
her
peeling
the
label
off,
you
know,
without
tearing
it,
just
getting
it
off
just
perfectly.
And
then,
you
know,
so
you
can
smatter
it
on
the
top
of
the
bar.
And
I
was
taking
my
spare
change,
and
I
was
lining
it
perfectly
center,
right
in
the
center
of
those
wet
rings.
Right.
I
was
just
tracing
those
wet
rings
with
my
fingers,
you
know,
making
little
designs.
You
know,
the
fun
stuff
we
do
in
our
drinking
days.
I
was
having
a
blast
that
day,
you
know.
Just
sitting
there
all
by
myself
just
really
having
a
good
old
time.
And
the
thought
in
my
brain
was,
what
is
wrong
with
my
life?
Why
am
I
separated
from
my
wife?
Why
is
my
boss
starting
to
give
me
a
hard
time
at
work?
Why
don't
my
kids
love
me?
Why
are
my
friends
starting
to
not
hang
around?
And
I
remember
taking
that
beer
ball
and
slamming
it
on
top
of
the
bar
saying,
what
is
my
problem?
I
wished
I
knew
what
my
problem
was.
I
didn't
know
that
the
problem
was
in
my
hand.
Because,
see,
for
years,
it
was
always,
always
my
solution.
I
always
turned
to
that
for
the
answer
to
every
problem
I
ever
had.
I
did
not
know
that
it
had
become
the
problem.
And
a
miracle
happened,
and
I'm
ashamed
to
say
it,
because
I
got
up
from
that
bar
that
night.
It
was
the
first
beer
I
had.
I
drank
half
of
it.
And
I
walked
out
of
that
bar
and
left
half
a
beer
sitting
there.
Now,
folks,
I'm
ashamed
to
say
that
because
if
I
would
have
known
it
was
my
last
drink,
I
would
have
drank
it
all.
And
I
walked
away
from
a
half
of
beer
that
night.
And
I
hadn't
done
that
in
a
long
time.
And
don't
you
ever
walk
away
from
half
of
your
beer
because
by
the
time
you
got
back,
it
wasn't
there.
Where's
my
beer?
Well,
you
drank
it,
man,
right
before
you
went
to
the
restroom.
Oh,
okay.
Can
I
get
you
one?
No,
it's
all
right.
Let
me
buy
you
one.
Okay,
you
know.
I
just
got
done
drinking.
You
probably
stole
the
money
you
left
sitting
there,
too,
and
manipulated
to
a
point
where
you're
buying
me
a
drink.
I
like
this.
I
had
to
do
that.
That's
how
much
I
was
drinking.
So
my
wife
picked
me
up
on
November
the
8th,
in
1989.
Okay.
And
I
use
that
as
my
sobriety
date.
That's
because
that
was
the
first
day
for
me
that
I
didn't
take
a
drink.
Some
people
use
it
the
last
day
they
took
a
drink.
It
don't
matter
to
me.
I
don't
care.
Because
I
know
I
sure
wasn't
sober
that
day.
I
was
still
on
a
three-day
hangover,
you
know.
I
didn't
need
to
be
drunk
the
night
before
Tuesday
night
because
I
was
still
drunk
from
the
day
before,
you
know.
All
I
had
to
do
was
add
water.
Man,
it
was
all
right
back
there,
you
know.
And
we
ended
up
in
this
hospital...
called
Massland
City
Hospital
and
I
knew
where
that
was
at.
We
walked
into
a
room
and
as
I
looked
around
the
room
there's
my
mom,
my
dad,
my
brother,
my
sister.
My
sister-in-law,
somebody
I
didn't
know
sitting
at
the
far
end
of
the
table
and
I
said,
my
God,
my
kids
do
need
help.
They
got
the
whole
family
here,
you
know?
Some
of
you
know
what
happened
and
some
of
you
are
going,
well
what
is
this?
They
call
in
an
intervention
and
I
had
no
idea.
And
I
sat
down
where
I
knew
I
should
be
and
that
was
at
the
head
of
the
table.
And
they
all
surrounded
me
at
this
big
table,
you
know,
and
my
mom
pulled
a
letter
out
of
her
purse,
and
she
started
reading
it
to
me.
And
here
it
was
a
letter
to
me
about
she
wanted
to
know
what
had
happened
and
what
happened
to
her
older
son,
and,
you
know,
where
did
she
go
wrong
and
all
this
other
stuff,
you
know.
And
then
my
dad,
he
pulled
out
something,
and
it
was
only
the
second
time
I
ever
saw
my
dad
starting
to
cry.
And
he
started
crying
so
hard
that
he
couldn't
even
read
his
letter.
It
was
only
the
second
time
in
my
entire
life
I'd
ever
seen
him
cry.
The
first
time
was
at
my
wedding.
And
the
second
time
was
when
it
was
on
that
day.
My
dad
was
a
big
man.
My
dad
was
Native
American
Indian,
and
he
was
taller
in
me,
and
he
was
about
six
times
across
the
shoulders,
and
he
had
hands
of
a
giant,
you
know,
but
he
was
a
gentle
giant.
And
here's
this
man
that
I
always
admired
all
my
life,
and
he's
crying.
And
I
knew
something
was
up,
and
I
had
no
idea
what
was
going
on.
But
a
change
came
over
me
because
I
started
crying,
and
that
was
the
first
time
I
had
ever
cried
in
front
of
another
human
being.
I'd
learned
how
to
choke
those
tears
back
for
a
lot
of
years.
And
the
emotions
started
to
pour
out,
and
other
people
read
things,
and
I
don't
know
what
anybody
said.
I
don't
remember
anything
until
it
got
to
the
very
last
person
who
happened
to
be
sitting
on
my
right-hand
side.
It
was
my
10-year-old
daughter.
Now,
my
wife
was
told,
don't
bring
the
children
to
this
because
it's
too
dramatic.
And
she
says,
my
God,
they've
lived
through
his
drinking.
They're
going
to
live
through
this
too.
And
thank
God
she
went
against
the
advice
of
the
family,
and
she
brought
him
there
because
the
one
that
registered
with
me
was
my
10-year-old
daughter.
And
she
wrote,
oh,
daddy,
where
have
you
gone?
You've
been
gone,
oh,
so
long.
I
miss
you
dearly,
and
this
isn't
merely
a
pain
that
will
go
away
until
you
are
home
to
stay.
Do
you
still
love
us?
I
really
must
know.
Because
there's
a
pain
in
my
heart,
and
it's
starting
to
grow.
I
listened
what
she
wrote
down.
I
felt
the
feelings
because,
you
know
what?
That's
what
was
been
going
on
in
my
life
for
a
lot
of
years.
There
was
a
pain
inside
of
me,
and
it
was
killing
me,
and
I
had
no
idea
what
it
was.
Love,
that's
all
I
wanted.
I'll
do
anything
you
want
me
to
do.
I'll
say
anything
you
want
me
to
say,
but
please
just
don't
throw
me
away,
you
know?
Yeah.
And
so
November
the
8th
of
1989,
I
walked
through
the
doors
of
Glenbury
Treatment
Facility,
and
that's
what
happened.
Now,
I
only
spent
four
days
in
there,
and
that
was
the
time
of
the
time
that
insurance
companies
were
starting
to
back
off
on
how
much
they
were
going
to
pay,
and
I
only
got
to
spend
four
days
there,
but
some
miracles
happened
in
four
days.
I
didn't
listen
to
the
counselors.
The
counselors
were
told.
They
were
paid
to
tell
me
the
things
they
were
telling
me.
They
were,
you
know,
they
read
it
in
a
book.
But
in
the
evenings,
the
miracle
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
happened
because
you
folks
came
in.
You
came
in
and
sat
in
the
smokers
with
me.
And
you
brought
in
real
coffee
because
I
knew
the
crap
they
were
serving
me
there
was
decaf.
Because
I
couldn't
get
rid
of
the
shakes
all
day
long
and
it
was
because
they
were
served
me
decaf
coffee.
And
you
folks
would
sit
there
and
you
didn't
tell
me
anything,
but
you
told
me
something
about
you.
You
carried
the
message
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
just
like
the
chapter
working
with
others.
He
dangled
a
carrot
in
front
of
my
face
as
what
you
did.
You
attracted
me
as
opposed
to
promoting
it.
And
there
was
something
there
that
attracted
me,
and
you
told
me
to
keep
coming
back.
And
I
said,
I
ain't
going
nowhere.
I'm
in
treatment.
Just
keep
coming
back.
You'll
be
all
right.
I
only
spent
four
days
there,
and
just
to
let
you
know,
Elliot
doesn't
have
his
time
cards.
So
if
you
get
done
listening
before
I'm
done
talking
and
I
want
to
leave,
that's
quite
all
right.
But
I
still
got
a
few
minutes.
Okay.
And
I
got
to
get
into
my
recovery
some
too.
I'll
be
done
before
the
80-minute
CD's
done.
I'll
guarantee
you
that
because
I'm
a
taper
back
home.
But
you
guys
brought
in
the
message
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
and
you
brought
in
this
little
blue
book,
and
you
started
reading
things
out
of
this
book,
and
some
of
that
made
sense,
and
some
of
it
didn't.
Some
of
it
applied,
and
some
of
it
didn't.
But
I
saw
something
in
your
eyes
that
caught
my
eye,
and
so
I
listened
to
what
you
said.
And
you'd
leave,
and
you'd
leave
me
an
extra
cup
of
coffee
and
maybe
a
pack
of
cigarettes,
you
know.
And
I'd
go
back
to
my
room
and
I'd
think
about
what
was
going
on
and
just
didn't
know,
but
something
was
cliquet.
Something
was
clicking.
And
I
got
out
of
there
four
days
later
and
I
was
supposed
to
meet
a
friend
of
mine.
Now,
let
me
back
up.
I
want
to
tell
you
this
one
story
that
happened
to
treatment
because
it's
pretty
amazing.
And
now
that
I
put
the
disclaimer
in
about
time,
you
won't
believe.
When
I
get
into
what
it's
like
today,
you'll
see
why
I
need
this,
folks.
You'll
see
exactly
why
I'm
here.
I
know
exactly
why
John
called
me
13
months
ago.
God
had
a
plan
for
me
to
be
here
right
now.
Why
was
in
treatment?
There
was
a
neighborhood.
I
lived
in
a
very
tight
neighborhood,
you
know.
I
lived
in
the
same
neighborhood
all
my
life,
and
there
was
always
one
dad
that
was
always
around.
And
this
guy's
name
was
Homer.
Most
of
our
dads
work
nights,
you
know,
and
Homer
was
a
carpenter
during
the
day,
and
he
was
home
at
night.
And
he
was
the
neighborhood
dad.
He
always
fixed
our
bicycles.
He
built
a
treehouse
for
us.
We'd
all
jump
in
his
pickup
truck,
and
he'd
take
us
down
to
Dairy
Queen,
you
know,
and
he
would
break
up
the
fights,
or
he
would
instigate
the
fights
or
whatever,
you
know.
He
was
the
neighborhood
dad,
and
he
was
the
dad
that
was
around
when
the
rest
were
working,
and
we
loved
Homer.
And
Homer
went
into
the
hospital
the
same
day
I
did,
and
he
was
diagnosed
with
leukemia.
And
my
mom
come
in
to
see
me.
I
went
in
treatment
on
Wednesday,
and
she
come
to
see
me
on
Sunday,
and
she
says
that
Homer
is
so
worried
about
you.
He
just
wants
to
get
well
enough
to
come
see
you.
That's
all
he
keeps
asking
is,
how's
Bob
doing?
How's
Bob
doing?
I
want
to
get
out
before
he
gets
out
so
I
can
go
see
him.
You
know,
he
was
a
good
man.
He
was
humble.
He
wanted
to
do
something
for
somebody
else,
even
though
he
was
diagnosed
with
leukemia,
you
know?
And
so
I
thought
mom
was
just
being
mom.
And
she
says,
no,
really.
He's
just
so
concerned
about
you.
And
he
wants
to
do
something
for
you
and
he
doesn't
know
what
to
do.
And
so
I
went
down
to
the
gift
shop
and
I
got
a
get
well
card
for
Homer
and
one
of
those
floating
balloons.
And
I
sent
it
home
with
my
mom.
And
I
said
she
said
she
was
going
to
stop
and
see
Homer
on
the
way
back.
And
I
said,
well,
you
give
him
this
to
Homer,
you
know.
And
I
knew
that
this
isn't
good.
Leukemia
is
not
a
good
thing.
And
she
called
me
later
that
evening
and
she
says,
Homer
never
got
to
see
the
card
that
he
had
a
brain
aneurysm
and
died
before
she
got
there.
You
know,
he
didn't
have
to
suffer
with
leukemia
that
he
was
dead.
48
years
old,
a
family
of
four
kids
and
died.
And
I
remember
going
back
to
my
room
that
evening
and
I
cried
for
the
second
time
in
four
days,
you
know.
And
I'm
sitting
in
my,
and
I
haven't
stopped,
folks,
okay.
Okay.
And
I'm
sitting
in
my
room
and
I'm
crying
my
eyes
out
thinking
about
the
loss
that
I
just
had
of
this
second
dad,
you
know,
the
dad
that,
you
know,
was
always
there
and
thinking
about
his
kids.
And,
you
know,
my
gosh,
it's
not
going
to
be
the
same.
And
I
remember
crying
uncontrollably,
you
know.
And
then
somebody
walked
into
the
room
and
that
John
Wayneism
kicked
in
and
I'm
choking
back
the
tears
and
I'm
trying
to
hide
my
feelings
and
my
emotions.
And
I
never
saw
the
person
sitting
there
and
I
know
that
person
was
an
angel.
But
I
felt
this
arm
come
around
me.
And
for
the
first
time
of
my
life,
somebody
told
me
it
was
okay
to
cry.
This
voice
says
it's
okay
to
cry.
And
I
haven't
stopped
since.
It's
okay
to
have
emotions.
I
don't
want
to
hide
them
anymore,
you
know.
Sometimes
I
have
to
because
I'm
driving
a
car.
That
can
be
dangerous,
just
as
dangerous
as
driving
drunk
sometimes
when
the
emotions
come
on.
Laughter
is
a
sign
of
identification,
okay?
Laughter
is
a
sign
of
identification,
okay?
And
I
got
out
of
there
and
I
went
to
Homer's
funeral
and
I
thought
my
mom
was
just
being
a
mom,
you
know,
when
she
told
me
how
much
Homer
was
concerned
about
me.
You
know
what?
Everybody
at
that
funeral
home
come
over
to
me
and
says,
you
know,
all
Homer
talked
about
why
he
was
in
the
hospital
was
you.
He
wanted
to
do
something
for
you
and
his
concern
was
always
about
you
the
whole
time
he
was
in
there.
And
as
he
took
his
last
breath,
he
says,
I
wish
there
was
something
I
could
do
for
Bob.
I
know
that
man
did
something
for
me
because
as
I
look
back
on
it,
the
compulsion
was...
That
drive,
that
thing
that
pushes
us
out
there
every
time,
that
compulsion
to
drink
was
lifted
that
day
for
me.
Homer
took
that
when
he
passed
away.
Now,
folks,
the
thought
of
drink
has
been
there
a
lot.
But
that
compulsion,
that
over-driving
thing,
the
hamster
that
just
won't
shut
up
in
your
head
that
says
go
get
drunk,
was
lifted
that
day.
And
I
know,
and
nobody's
ever
going
to
convince
me
any
different,
that
Homer,
in
his
prayers,
took
it
with
him.
Because
I
have
not
had
it
since
November
the
10th
of
1989,
the
day
he
died.
The
thought
of
drink
has
been
there.
Don't
get
me
wrong.
But
the
compulsion
has
been
lifted
for
me.
You
tell
me
what
to
do
with
the
thoughts.
The
big
book
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
shows
me
what
to
do
with
the
thoughts.
Because
the
book
says
that
the
problem
has
been
removed.
See,
I
hear
people
from
the
podium
say,
today
I
choose
not
to
drink,
and
that's
BS.
If
that's
your
case,
if
that's
really
what
you
believe
in,
why
are
you
doing
in
AA?
Our
book
says
we
have
no
choice
in
that.
Our
book
says
that
we
have
lost
the
choice.
Well,
today
I
choose
not
to
drink.
And
the
book
says
the
problem
has
been
removed.
If
you
do
these
steps,
the
problem
is
just
removed.
It
does
not
exist.
You
don't
need
to
have
a
choice.
I
give
that
up.
I
believe
what
the
book
says.
There's
a
lot
of
misinformation
that
comes
into
our
rooms
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
every
once
in
a
while,
and
I'm
guilty
just
as
guilty
of
so
many
other
people
of
saying
things
like
that.
So
that
started
my
journey
of
recovery.
I'd
like
to
tell
you
I
got
home,
and
Ed
McMahon
called
and
said
that
you
won,
and
we're
sending
you
$2
million,
and
I'd
like
to
tell
you
that
the
mortgage
company
called
and
says,
don't
worry
about
being
10
months
behind.
You
know,
we'll
take
care
of
that.
And
that
my
love
life's
with
my
wife
just
sprouted,
and
the
kids
just
jumped
up
on
my
lap
and
said,
don't
worry
about
all
that
other
stuff,
Dad,
you
know.
And
if
you
believe
that,
we
can
go
ahead
and
say
the
Lord's
Prayer.
Nobody's
standing
up,
so
we
got
about
five
or
ten
more
minutes,
and
I'll
tell
you
what
it's
like
today.
What
happened
since
then
is
that
my
first
year
of
recovery,
I
worked
my
program
to
the
best
of
my
ability.
How
many
times
have
we
said
that?
Been
guilty.
And
after
about
a
year
and
a
half
of
being
sober,
working
my
program
to
the
best
of
my
ability,
I
was
laying
on
a
kitchen
floor,
now
divorced
from
that
wife.
Because
they
say,
don't
do
anything,
no
major
decision
in
your
first
year
of
recovery,
right?
Who
are
they?
You
ever
gone
to
the
they
meeting
and
to
find
all
this
wisdom?
You
know?
I
looked
in
your
directory.
I
can't
find
the
they
meeting.
But
by
golly,
they're
smart
people
because
they
got
all
the
answers.
They
say,
no
major
decision
in
your
first
year
of
recovery.
You
know,
me
getting
up
in
my
first
year
of
recovery
and
not
going
to
the
bar
and
going
to
a
meeting,
that
was
a
major
decision.
You
really
was.
There's
a
lot
of
major
decisions
I
made
in
my
first
year
of
sobriety.
Folks,
did
there
better
be.
Now,
I
did
learn
to
run
a
lot
of
those
thoughts
by
somebody
called
a
sponsor,
but,
you
know,
there's
a
lot
of
major
decisions
that
need
to
be
made.
No
relationships
in
the
first
year
of
recovery.
I'm
married.
You
know,
the
only
problem
I've
ever
had,
and
I
will
always
continue
to
have,
is
a
relationship
problem.
I
don't
have
a
problem
in
any.
I
wake
up
in
the
morning.
My
relationship
starts
with
me,
with
God,
and
I
get
out
of
bed.
It
starts
with
you
and
other
people
in
my
life.
All
my
problems
stem
from
relationships,
don't
they?
If
I
didn't
have
a
relationship
problem,
everything
would
be
okay.
So
I'm
having
a
relationship
in
my
first
year
of
recovery.
They
say
90
meetings
and
90
days.
Can't
find
that
one
in
the
book.
Well,
they
said
don't
make
any
major
decision
in
your
first
year
of
recovery.
So
I
didn't.
I
waited
until
I
was
13
months
sober
and
told
my
wife
I
didn't
want
to
be
married.
I
waited.
Listen
to
what
they
said.
I
got
divorced
by
the
time
I
was
18
months
sober,
and
by
the
time
I
was
24
months
sober,
working
my
program
to
the
best
of
my
ability,
I
was
on
my
kitchen
floor,
curled
up
in
a
fetal
position,
wanting
to
die.
Dying
was
an
option.
Drinking
was
not.
Don't
drink
even
if
your
butt
falls
off.
That's
what
they
say.
And
the
book
says,
try
control
drinking.
Let
me
know
how
it
works
out
for
you,
but
they
say,
the
book
says,
try
control
drinking.
I
didn't
say,
don't
drink.
It
says
it
works
better
if
you
don't.
Total
abstinence
is
pretty
good.
Well,
my
butt
was
falling
off,
and
I
didn't
know
what
to
do
with
it.
I
finally
went
to
my
sponsor,
and
he
says,
well,
you
know,
I
know
that
you've
been
working
your
program
to
the
best
of
your
ability
for
about
almost
two
years,
and
how's
that
working
out
for
you?
I
said,
well,
as
you
can
see,
not
too
well.
And
he
says,
why
don't
we
try
working
the
program
and
allow
me
and
God
to
help
you,
and
maybe
you're
going
to
have
some
better
luck?
And
I
says,
okay.
He
says,
and
I
don't
ever
want
to
hear
you
say
that
you're
working
your
program
to
the
best
of
your
ability.
Your
program,
damn
near
killed
you.
And
that's
the
truth.
Can't
say
that
anymore.
My
program
will
kill
me.
The
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
outlined
in
this
book
is
what
saved
my
life.
So
I
got
involved
in
the
big
book
called
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
I
found
out
that
fellowship
wasn't
going
to
keep
me
sober.
This
is
fellowship.
This
isn't
going
to
keep
me
sober,
but
it
adds
to
my
sobriety.
And
actually,
the
program's
not
going
to
keep
me
sober.
The
two
combined,
and
if
you
read
the
book,
you'll
find
out
how
Bill
talks
about
the
fellowship
and
the
program
and
how
vital
they
both
are
to
our
recovery.
They
truly
are.
I
was
guilty
of
standing
at
the
podium
and
saying,
I
came
to
the
program
in
November
the
8th
of
1989,
and
that's
a
lie.
I
came
to
the
fellowship
called
Alcoholics
Anonymous
in
November
the
7th.
It
took
me
about
a
year
and
a
half
to
really
find
out
what
the
program
was,
and
it's
called
the
program
of
outlined
in
here.
It's
the
12
steps
and
everything
else
in
this
book.
It's
not
my
stuff,
folks.
It's
what's
here,
you
know.
I
believe
in
this
thing.
So
he's
had
me
go
through
the
steps
in
a
way
I
hadn't
before
because
I
just
kind
of
skimmed
through
them
before
and
did
what
I
thought
needed
to
be
done.
And
he
was
a
kind
and
loving
sponsor,
you
know,
and
says,
well,
just
let
me
know
how
that
works
out
for
you.
And
I'll
be
here
when
you
need
me.
And
finally
I
needed
him
at
about
almost
two
years
sober.
And
I
started
to
get
involved
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
the
way
that
I
should
be
involved
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
He
says,
you
know,
if
you're
laying
the
center
of
the
bed,
it's
really
tough
to
fall
out.
But
you've
been
laying
on
the
edge
for
a
long,
long
time.
And
it's
only
going
to
take
one
little
bump
in
your
hour.
So
I
got
in
the
center
of
the
bit
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
and
my
life
changed
rapidly.
And
I
worked
the
steps
to
the
best
of
his
ability,
my
ability,
and
God
worked
in
there,
too.
And
it
was
amazing.
It
was
amazing.
I
found
out
that
there
was
a
lot
more
than
eight
promises
or
12
promises
or
whatever
that
stuff
is
that
they
read
that's
not
true.
Yeah.
The
very
first
page
says
precisely
how
100
men
have
recovered
from
this
disease
called
alcoholism.
I
mean
from
alcoholism.
That's
a
promise.
That's
on
the
title
page.
My
gosh.
Any
statement
in
there
that
gives
me
hope
is
a
promise,
you
know?
It
really
is.
Don't
believe
me
going
to
book.
I'm
not
making
this
up.
I
started
working
the
program.
I
started
living
the
program.
My
sponsor
says,
why
don't
you
quit
working
the
program?
John
and
I
were
talking
about
this.
He
says,
quit
work
in
the
program.
I
says,
why?
He
says,
well,
work
is
a
four-letter
word
to
you.
He
says,
I
know
you
always
want
a
vacation
from
work.
You
skip
out
of
work
early
sometimes.
You
get
a
paycheck
from
it.
You
expect
a
paycheck
from
it.
And
when
you're
done
with
work,
you
go
home,
and
you
go
away
and
you
leave
it,
don't
you?
And
I
says,
yeah.
And
he
says,
well,
the
book
says,
this
is
a
way
of
life.
It
doesn't
says
it's
work.
It
says
it's
a
way
of
life.
Why
don't
you
start
living
the
program?
Why
don't
you
start
living
this
way
of
life
that
the
book
talks
about?
And
I
went,
oh.
He
says,
and
practice
all
these
principles
in
all
your
affairs.
It's
not
what
I
do
between
the
serenity
prayer
and
the
Lord's
prayer
that's
important.
It's
what
I
do
after
the
Lord's
prayer
and
before
I
say
the
serenity
prayer
again
is
my
gauge
on
how
well
I'm
living
this
way
of
life.
I
can
be
real
good
in
here.
It's
what
do
I
do
when
I
go
out
there
and
I'm
in
that
traffic.
Well,
you
guys
don't
know
what
traffic
is
here.
Okay,
so
you
come
up
on
a
herd
of
cattle
standing
in
the
road,
okay?
Okay.
I
love
you.
I'm
not
putting
you
down.
It's
just,
oh,
God,
it's
so
laid
back
around
here.
But
you
come
up
in
traffic,
you
know,
it's
like,
oh,
you
know,
and
then
I
realize
I
got
a
sticker
with
a
circle
and
triangle
on
the
back
of
my
car.
So
I
started
living
this
way
of
life
and
miracles
started
happening
and
my
sponsor.
And
my
sponsor
died
after
13
years
of
being
my
sponsor.
He,
at
52
years
old,
had
a
brain
aneurysm.
Set
up
in
bed
one
morning,
and
that
was
it
gone.
At
his
funeral,
I
found
another
man
that
I
called
my
sponsor
for
the
next
three
years.
But
I
didn't
have
anybody
I
was
accountable
to.
I
didn't
have
anybody
I'd
sit
down
over
coffee
with
and
really
tell
him
what
was
really
on
my
mind
and
my
heart.
I
didn't
have
that
person
that
I
was
current
with.
I
didn't
have
an
open
line
of
communication
with
another
person
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
my
sponsor
was
the
one
that
I
always
did.
And
he
was
gone.
And
I
started
to
go
on
a
downward
spiral
about
three
years
ago,
three
to
four
years
ago.
I've
still
going
to
meetings.
I
still
pray.
But
I
wasn't
involved
the
way
I
was,
and
I
wasn't
current
with
what
was
going
on
in
my
life
with
any
human
being.
And
I
found
myself
in
California.
I
went
out
to
visit
my
daughter,
and
I
was
a
mess.
I
was
back
in
that
field
position
wanting
to
die
again
in
sobriety.
And
folks,
I'm
14
years
sober,
and
I'm
wanting
to
die.
It's
ugly
inside
my
head.
And
I'm
sitting
on
this
mountain
in
Joshua
Park,
outside
of
29
Palms,
California,
looking
down
into
Palm
Springs,
and
90
miles
away
you
can
see
a
mountain
in
Mexico,
and
that's
where
I
want
to
be
because
nobody
knows
me
there.
I'm
wanting
to
run.
I'm
wanting
to
get
away
from
me.
I
can't
stand
me
again.
And
I'm
sober,
and
I'm
a
member
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
and
I'm
active.
I'm
involved
in
Founders
Day.
I'm
doing
taping.
I'm
sponsoring
people,
and
I'm
wanting
to
die.
Because
I
don't
have
somebody
I'm
accountable
to
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
I'm
working
my
program
to
the
best
of
my
ability
again
is
what
I
come
down
to.
And
I'm
wanting
to
die.
And
all
day
long
I'd
been
trying
to
make
phone
calls
and
I
didn't
have
a
cell
signal.
And
I
tried
my
cell
phone
one
more
time
and
I
got
a
signal
all
of
a
sudden.
And
I
picked
up
the
phone
and
I
called
another
alcoholic.
And
I
wasn't
calling
to
wine
and
complain
on
how
I
was
doing.
I
just
wanted
to
call
and
talk.
And
I
really
hadn't
talked
much
to
this
person
at
all.
And
she
answered
the
phone.
And
my
God,
we
sat
there
and
talked
about
God
and
steps
and
big
book
of
alcoholics,
anonymous,
and
a
lot
of
different
things.
Okay,
you
guys
heard
that,
right?
And
it
was
unbelievable
that
the
change
that
came
over
me
just
from
one
simple
phone
call
to
another
alcoholic.
You
know,
it
was
unbelievable.
And
it
set
me
back
on
that
path
again.
And
so
if
you
think
that
your
phone
call
is
putting
somebody
at
a
disconvenience
or
an
inconvenience,
Let
me
tell
you
something,
folks.
Your
phone
call
might
be
saving
their
butt.
Pick
up
the
phone
and
call
them.
Because
in
her
story,
she
will
tell
you
that
she
had
just
come
out
of
the
woods
and
prayed
to
God
that
something
different
would
happen
in
her
life.
And
another
member
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
called
because,
see,
she
was
at
that
jumping
off
point,
too.
It
got
me
involved
back
into
the
big
book.
It
got
me
involved
in
the
steps.
And
it
wasn't
because
of
her.
It
was
because
a
little
AA
math.
Me
plus
nobody
else
equals
zero,
but
me
plus
another
member
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
equals
three,
because
that's
when
God
steps
in.
I
need
that
other
person
for
God
to
be
there
because
by
myself
I
don't
see
God
often.
I
need
that
other
person,
and
then
one
plus
one
is
three.
God
stepped
back
in
my
life,
and
it's
been
an
interesting
journey.
To
bring
you
current
real
rapidly,
a
marriage
of
31
years
is
ending.
Okay.
by
my
choice
because
things
just
aren't
really
up
to
what
they
need
to
be
and
I've
done
a
long
hard
inventory
and
all
that
and
I'm
okay
with
that
I'm
very
okay
with
that
it's
not
an
ugly
divorce
and
it's
not
over
money
and
it's
not
over
any
of
this
it's
just
sometimes
people
grow
together
and
sometimes
they
grow
apart
and
30
years
of
no
communication
you
have
you
happen
to
grow
apart
you
know
I'm
on
my
own
and
and
that's
interesting
to
spend
time
alone
with
me
And,
but
it's
all
okay.
I
do
big
book
workshops
with
people.
I
take
them
through
this
big
book,
line
by
line,
page
by
page,
and
I
keep
my
opinion
out
of
it.
And
we
do
what
the
book
says,
and
when
those
people
do
that,
they
get
on
the
other
side,
and
they've
had
that
spiritual
experience
that
the
book
talks
about.
We
don't
go
through
the
12
steps
together.
We
go
through
the
big
book
together.
Because
if
you
do
the
steps
off
the
wall,
you
end
up
with
off
the
wall's
promises,
you
know.
That
is
the
short
version
of
our
12
steps.
I
stand
corrected.
That's
the
short
version.
You
want
to
know
what
the
long
version
is?
It's
in
the
rest
of
the
book.
That's
where
they're
at.
I'm
going
to
close.
And
again,
I
want
to
thank
John
for
inviting
me
and
for
the
home
group
for
taking
care
of
me
while
I'm
here
and
for
your
patience
for
putting
up
with
me
tonight.
I
said
I'm
going
through
some
big
changes
in
my
life
right
now.
Last
year
at
this
time,
I
did
not
know
that
a
marriage
of
30-some
years
was
going
to
be
ending.
I've
only
been
out
of
my
own
for
about
two
months
now.
God
had
a
plan
to
get
me
here.
God
had
a
plan
to
keep
me
involved
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
And
I
want
to
end
with
two
very
quick
things.
And
again,
thank
the
group
for
having
me
and
your
patience
for
having
me
here
and
stuff.
I
live
in
Akron,
Ohio,
and
I
want
to
tell
you
how,
I
want
to
show
you
how
my
God
works
in
my
life
at
the
right
time
and
how
he
appears
in
different
ways.
I
wanted
the
burning
bush,
God,
and
I
never
quite
got
that.
But
I
have
taken
God
as
I
see
him
today
in
different
lights.
And
I
live
in
Akron,
and
I
was
sitting
at
Dr.
Bob's
house
one
day,
and
I
was
doing
some
step
review
with
a
guy
I
sponsor
on
the
front
steps,
on
the
front
porch.
It's
a
neat
place.
And
then
you
go
upstairs
and
you
do
the
third
step
in
Dr.
Bob's
bedroom,
and
you
just
can't
help
but
feel
something.
You
just
can't
help
it,
you
know.
And
we're
sitting
on
the
front
porch
and...
The
home
there
is
an
older
home,
not
unlike
the
yellow
house
here,
but
it's
much
smaller,
but
it's
an
older
home.
And
it
sets
up
on
a
little
knob
of
a
hill,
and
out
in
front
there's
a
rock
in
a
memorial
to
Dr.
Bob
and
Annie.
And
there's
a
little
stone
wall
out
on
the
sidewalk.
And
I
noticed
that
there
was
a
little
seven
or
eight-year-old
boy
that
stepped
up
off
the
sidewalk
and
into
the
yard
over
to
the
rock.
And
I
looked
at
my
sponsey
and
I
said,
I
wonder
what's
he
doing,
you
know,
because
my
thought's
going
one
way.
And
he
says,
well,
I
think
he's
praying.
And
I
says,
I
he's
six
or
seven.
He's
not
praying.
He's
over
there,
you
know,
colored
on
a
rock
or
something.
He
says,
no,
Bob.
He
blessed
himself
and
knelt
down
in
his
hands
together.
And
so
I
turned
around
and
we
watched.
And
a
couple
minutes
later,
this
little
boy,
six
or
seven,
little
color
boy
about
that
tall
stood
up.
Blessed
himself.
And
I
stepped
off
the
porch
and
onto
the
yard.
And
I
said,
what
are
you
doing
over
there?
Is
I'm
praying?
He
says,
yeah.
And
he
stepped
down
to
the
sidewalk.
And
I
said,
well,
why
are
you
praying
here?
He
says,
well,
I
got
somebody
that
needs
some
help
and
I
know
this
is
a
neat
place
to
pray.
And
I
says,
really?
I
says,
well,
what's
wrong
with
your
friend?
He
says,
well,
he
drinks
too
much.
And
I
says...
You've
got
a
friend
that
drinks
too
much?
Yeah,
his
wife
died,
and
he's
smoking
and
drinking
too
much,
and
he
needs
some
help.
And
I
said,
well,
why
would
you
want
to
pray
here?
He
says,
well,
I
know
that
there
was
a
man
that
lived
here
that
give
new
lives
to
people
that
drank
too
much.
And
I
says,
really?
He
says,
yeah,
yeah.
So
I'm
here
praying
for
him.
And
I
says,
well,
would
you
do
me
a
favor?
I
said,
would
you
come
up
here
and
lead
me
and
my
friend
in
a
prayer?
And
he
said,
sure.
And
so
this
little
color
boy,
six
or
seven
years
old,
about
this
tall,
comes
up,
and
he
reaches
up
and
he
grabs
our
hands
and
he
pulls
us
to
our
knees
at
the
rock
at
Dr.
Bob's.
And
he
looks
up
at
this
guy
and
he
says,
God,
and
Dr.
Bob,
too.
He
says,
I
got
a
friend
named
Steve,
and
his
wife
died,
and
he's
smoking
and
drinking
too
much,
and
he
needs
a
new
life.
Would
you
please
give
him
one?
Wow.
And
he
started
to
get
up,
and
I
said,
wait
a
minute.
I
said,
can
I
say
a
prayer?
And
he
said,
sure.
And
so
I
looked
up
at
this
guy
and
I
said,
God,
and
Dr.
Bob,
too.
I
says,
you
get
Steve
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
we'll
take
care
of
him.
That's
our
job.
And
the
little
boy
stepped
onto
the
sidewalk
and
he
thanked
us
for
praying
with
him.
And
he
says,
and
I
told
him,
I
says,
you
come
back
here
and
pray
anytime.
This
is
a
very
safe
place
to
pray.
And
he
says,
yeah,
I
know.
He
says,
I
pray
here
every
once
in
a
while.
He
says,
you
know
my
mommy
don't
even
pray.
And
I
says,
that's
okay,
son.
You
keep
praying.
You'll
be
all
right.
He
says,
okay,
and
he
walked
off
down
the
sidewalk,
and
I
get
up
on
the
porch,
and
I
open
my
big
book
up,
and
I
look
at
my
sponsor,
sponsey,
and
I
look
at
my
book,
I
look
at
my
sponsie,
and
I
go,
I
think
we're
done.
He
says,
what?
And
I
says,
I
can't
top
that.
And
he
says,
okay,
and
the
greeter
that
day
at
Dr.
Bob's
come
out
of
the
house,
and
he
says,
who
was
that?
And
without
skipping
a
beat,
I
says,
I
know
exactly
who
that
was.
That
was
either
God
or
one
of
God's
angels.
And
if
you
don't
believe
me,
look
down
the
street
because
you
will
not
see
that
little
boy
anywhere.
None
of
us
looked.
That's
how
my
God
appears
to
me.
He
came
to
me
and
he
says,
keep
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Keep
it
the
way
that
Dr.
Bob
and
Bill
gave
it
to
us.
So
that
when
a
7-year-old
boy
has
a
friend
that's
drinking
too
much,
he
knows
where
to
go
with
that
problem.
And
we
pray
to
God
of
our
own
understanding
for
that's
still
suffering
alcoholic.
And
we
pray
together.
That's
how
my
God
appears
to
me.
We
have
a
responsibility
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
to
do
exactly
what
Bill
and
Bob
did,
and
that
is
to
carry
the
message.
Thank
God
that
they
didn't
sit
around
and
say,
if
you
want
what
we
have
and
are
willing
to
go
to
any
length
and
you
call
me.
No.
They
went
out
to
the
hospital
and
they
found
the
drunk,
didn't
they?
And
they
carried
the
message
to
the
alcoholic.
They
didn't
sit
on
their
butt
waiting
to
give
somebody
the
message
if
they
walked
through
the
door.
Carry
the
message
to
the
alcoholic.
We
have
a
responsibility.
The
book
talks
about
helping
others
and
working
with
others
constantly.
They
wrote
a
whole
chapter
called
Working
with
Others.
It
doesn't
set
at
home
a
wait
till
the
phone
rings,
does
it?
It
says,
work
with
them.
And
I'm
going
to
close
with
that.
We
have
a
responsibility
for
our
own
sobriety
to
do
that
with
other
people.
I
see
an
active
home
group
here
that's
doing
some
things
that
I'm
just
tickled
dead
to
death
to
see
that
they're
doing.
Feel
happy
and
proud
that
you're
doing
that,
that
you've
got
solid
AA
here.
I
want
to
close
with
one
line
here.
We
always
talk
about
the
12
promises.
They
always
say
that
there's
12
promises.
I
want
to
read
with
two
paragraphs
here,
and
then
I'm
going
to
sit
down,
and
again,
I
want
to
thank
you
so
much
for
allowing
me
to
ramble.
Folks,
you
don't
know
how
much
I
needed
this.
I
really
did.
But
this
is
from
the
chapter
called
Working
with
Others.
Practical
experience
shows
that
nothing
will
so
much
ensure
immunity
from
drinking
as
intensive
work
with
other
alcoholics.
That's
a
pretty
good
promise.
It
works
when
other
activities
fell.
This
is
our
12th
suggestion.
Carry
this
message
to
other
alcoholics.
You
can
help
when
no
one
else
can.
You
can
secure
their
confidence
when
others
fell.
Remember,
they
are
very
ill.
Listen,
just
see
if
maybe
some
of
these
might
be
promises.
They
are
to
me.
Life
will
take
on
new
meaning.
to
watch
people
recover,
to
see
them
help
others,
to
watch
loneliness
vanish,
to
see
a
fellowship
grow
up
about
you,
to
have
a
host
of
friends.
This
is
an
experience
you
must
not
miss.
We
know
you
will
not
want
to
miss
it.
Frequent
contact
with
each
other
and
newcomers
is
the
bright
spot
of
our
life.
I
want
to
thank
each
and
every
one
of
you
for
being
a
bright
spot
in
my
life
tonight.
Thank
you
very
much.