The WhiteHouse group in Georgetown, TX

I'm blind, Dave, and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is July 9 of 98. And so this last summer I finally hit double digits. I'm glad of that. Something very interesting happened to me early in my recovery. And, you know, we all come into a reluctant, don't we, coming down to a A and then we want to drag our feet about doing the work.

And I can remember when I thought, I guess I'm going to have to read this big book.

So I started reading it and I read, you know, all the preface and the forwards in the chapter, The doctor's opinion, chapter one, Chapter 2, chapter 3. And then I started hearing people talking about highlighting in their big books. And I thought, well, I should have been doing that. I was about to start chapter 4 there. I thought I should have been doing that. I I know I've read at least a half a dozen really good passages here that I wished I highlighted.

So I thought, well, I'm going to start highlighting from here on. So I'm in chapter 4 and I thought, well, I don't want to just start highlighting at chapter 4.

So I figure I'll just flip back to the front of the book and just start over. And now I'm coming back through those chapters that I had just read in about the past week or two. And I know there's at least a half a dozen really good passages worth highlighting in in this first chapters of the book. So I will come back through now and find them. So now I'm reading through, but you see something changed because now I'm reading back through that same stuff that I just read, but I've got my little flashlight on because I'm looking for something. I know they're in here. I saw them

India. I know there's some good stuff in here and and it seemed like I was more attentive and I want you to know the one I started reading with the new level of paying attention. There was stuff everywhere,

all over the big book. Just in chapter one alone I highlighted like 18 passages

and in chapter two I think I highlighted 22 passages and in chapter 3 about 17 more. And I thought out there everywhere

when you're looking.

So I learned to read my big book with my flashlight on and with the conscious contact with God. That is your flashlight, you know, your conscious contact with God and and and those little things that wink at me off the page and I'd make note of them. You know, there were things that that somehow spoke to me at wherever I was at in my recovery. You know, if you'd have walked up to me and said, what you reading there, Dave? I said, I'm reading this passage right here.

Why you have like net? Well, you see, because, because here's what it means to me. And I could have expounded on that for a minute or two, you know what I mean? Because it, I had some thoughts that gathered around that.

And so I've learned to read the big book with my flashlight on and, and, and I started bringing those things that meant something to me that I could talk about for just briefly and expound on. I started bringing those as topics or just in the meeting, sharing them. And then people started coming up to me and saying, I really like what you shared, man. That really helped me a lot. Oh, that made me want to run home and get my big book out and read it some more.

I started enjoying contributing,

and so I learned to read with my flashlight on. I learned that God gives me things to share. That's the purpose of it.

I learned that my sobriety

isn't just my sobriety, it's your sobriety. My sobriety and part is for you

and when I let you in on it and let you be a part of it and and I participate with you in this thing seems like God gets real big in the middle of all that real big in that. So so I want to share with you all some some thoughts that I had one time while I was reading.

So in the 12:00 and 12:00, I read this in chapter eight of the 12 and 12, it says every AAA has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes an accurate non sparing survey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake. So this is chapter eight in the 12 and 12 we're talking about making our eight step list. That's what it's talking about. But what I want you to notice is that he said this new adventure of living.

I want to point to the word living because

a A is a way of life.

It's a spiritual way of life.

Why not? I mean, drinking was a way of life for us, wasn't it?

Of course. And in fact, it became our life. And then the big book says that that it annihilates everything worthwhile in life. It engulfs all whose lives touch and suffers. It became bigger than life, didn't it?

Drinking for us became bigger than life

and so when the big book says have you sufficient substitute?

I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I have used sufficient substitute?

Well, I had to find a way of life here in a A.

It was bigger than that.

Starting right at Step 2, it said that we found a power greater than us, bigger than us, greater than ourselves.

And then in step three, I made the decision to turn my will and my life over to this power that's bigger than me.

And now I'm going to bring that experience into my life, into my living experience. And now my living experience is going to be bigger than life because of my power, bigger than me,

Bill Wilson said. My friend promised that when these things were done, I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator and would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems.

That is a bold statement.

Ever really thought about that?

That in in this program we have the elements of a way of living that will address

any problem you will ever have.

Could that really mean be true?

You know, in the doctor's opinion? It says the message that can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight.

It's got to be deep. It's got to be heavy. We used to say depth and weight.

I used to go to a treatment center and I really get big into the, you know, the spiritual experience of the program. I like to talk about it a lot. And so I was talking at the street center one time, this fellow who drove me out there, when we come come back out, he said, Dave, don't you think you're talking over their head a little bit? I said absolutely. I know I am. I don't expect people who are brand new in recovery to be able to wrap their mind around what I'm sharing. But I said, but I tell you what, I do think, I think they can feel

passion about it.

And I think that they can

since just in my passion

that this program has depth and weight

and maybe they'll want to turn on their flashlight and be watching and not let it slip past them. You know, I mean that. Be attentive.

The big Book says that the X problem drinker who has found the solution, who obviously knows what he's talking about,

whose whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he's the man with the answer,

can generally win the entire confidence in another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an approach is made, little or nothing can be accomplished. After such an approach, many will take up their beds and walk again.

So we're talking about the kind of approach to where now they can't wrap their mind around everything you're saying, but your whole deportment shouts at them.

This thing's got depth and weight,

that we got a big solution to a big problem.

The big book says this. It says that these spiritual experiences are phenomena.

They seem to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements.

Ideas, emotions, attitudes which once were the guiding forces of the lives of these people are suddenly cast to one side in a completely new set of conceptions and motives begins to dominate them.

How many of us have had someone walk up to you and go, I don't know you anymore,

You're not the person I used to know.

Spiritual experiences that are phenomena,

a completely new set of conceptions and motives begins to dominate them.

Here are thousands of men and women, the Big Book says World indeed, who flatly declared that since they've come to believe in a power greater than himself, to take a certain attitude toward that power and to do certain simple things, there's been a revolutionary change

in their way of living and thinking.

Living and thinking. I'm talking here about the fact that this way of life, that this is a way of life, It's a, it's a way of living. It's not a Sunday morning thing. It's not a Saturday night thing. It's an everyday thing.

It's an every hour thing.

And so I found a power bigger than me

and I learned to bring that conscious contact with that power into my everyday. And now I'm having a an experience with living that's bigger than life. I turn my will and my life over

to this power.

You know, in chapter 3, Fred said this, he said. Then they explained to me. Then they told me the spiritual answer and the program of action.

Their proposals were not intellectually hard to swallow, but that program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out the window.

A completely new set of conceptions and motives begins to dominate them.

The Big Book says we are now in a different tastes,

you know, you know, you've seen these, what do you call them? These navigators out on the ships, you know, back in before there were compasses, they had, they guided themselves by the star. They knew this is a North Star, this is a little Dipper and this is the whatever. And they got their constellations and they they walked out on that deck at night and looked at the sky and positioned themselves,

got oriented. Where am I on this map?

And you know, there was a time in my life when all of the, my whole value structure was this, this, this and this.

And when I had a spiritual awakening and a spiritual experience, I began to live a whole new basis. And now all of a sudden then my every all my points of reference have changed.

I have restructured my entire value system.

We are now on a different basis,

my old basis, and I'm sure it's yours too.

I don't remember my my my teachers ever telling me this.

I don't remember my dad ever sitting me down and telling me this. But nevertheless, in the process of growing up, I learned it.

So did you

that this is a dog eat dog world and it's every man for himself.

And may the best man win,

Fred said. I had to throw several lifelong conceptions out the window. I'm sure he was talking about how do you turn yourself over to something, some other power to manage you.

When it's been survival up until now

and all the tricks of the trade that I've learned

to watch out for #1

and the big books, the 12 and 12 says is. It says perhaps the greatest reward of meditation in prayer

is the sense of belonging that comes to us.

Belonging to what? Well, belonging to this power that we are in contact with through meditation and prayer. That practice causes me to feel that I am now connected to another dimension of some of our more religious people. Call it the Kingdom of God.

I am no longer in a dog eat dog world. I belong to the Kingdom of God,

and meditation and prayer helps me sense and that I belong that to that. And it goes on to say, perhaps the greatest reward of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that come to us. We no longer live in a completely hostile world. We are no longer lost, frightened and purposeless

the moment we catch a glimpse of God's will. We are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary which surrounds us

in human affairs.

We know that God lovingly watches over us the Kingdom of God. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter. Wow,

this is a way of life

living in the shadow of God standing. I like what is that song that says under the shadow of his wings? I love that

Bill, said my friend promise that when these things were done, I would I would enter upon a relationship with my creator, would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. And by the way, the elements of our way of living are just elements by which I stay in contact with him and he's the answer of my problems.

So it's a way of living.

Now again, what that thing we read back here in the 12 and 12, it says every AAA has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living

until he first backtracks and makes an accurate experience survey of the human wreckage left in his wake. The next word I want to bring your attention to is adventure. It is not just a way of living, it is a way of a very adventurous way of living.

Like I said, I've brought a power greater than myself into my life

and now my living experience is bigger than Life. HD

high definition,

you know, really is. I mean, you know, it's funny. I, I,

my gratitude list, you know, I just, my gratitude list for this past month of December was 25 pages. I think I set a new record and I'm reading through it and going, wow, well, that was beautiful. I remember that day. I remember that day. It was so hot. But you know what? They're just a little simple things,

but they just feel and taste and smell so good. It's high definition.

It's in conscious contact with God

is to work with my little granddaughter. I've got a thing here in my pocket that people are tired of me playing it. I'm sure for her. She's singing with me, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and it almost brings a tear to my eye. It feels so good. I used to not be present for that stuff

when my son is her age. He was drunk with me

and God has changed my life

and all the things that are joys of living

that I can smell and taste and feel.

It's an adventure it can be,

particularly when I want to take this book and and make a conscious contact with God. Good morning, God

and flip open the book and say, God, give me something

that I can help my sponsors with today.

I got my pen right here. God, I'm ready to write it down. Show it to me. I'm I'll write it down. I'll make note of it. I'll jot down a few little notes. When I picked up the pen it's different.

I don't use a pin, but that's what y'all use.

But when I picked up my writing deal there and was ready to start jotting down the thoughts that God gave me, I think he was waiting for me to pick up the pin. If you hadn't tried, if you're sitting there saying God, give me something, pick up the pen, go get the paper, sit down there and now say, God here, I'm reading my book. I got my notebook right here. Give me something, I'll write it down and I will share it.

You watch it happen.

Amen. You watch an adventure of living start happening

when I start caring about

sharing my my adventures.

The Big Book says that the central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered in

to our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous.

I read that one time. I thought, boy, that's a pretty one. Let me highlight that one. No, boy, ain't that pretty. And, and I was reading, you know, highlighting it. And I sit there and thought about it a little bit. And I thought, of course they didn't really mean miraculous. It's just a pretty word. And I thought, no, wait a minute.

Did they really mean that this way of living includes the miraculous?

Or are they just speaking figuratively? Metaphorically? Did they mean it literally or just figuratively?

So I camped there for a moment and thought about that.

Now reread it and it says the central fact

underline. The word fact of our lives today is the absolute. Underline that, certainty. Underline that

that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed underline that

miraculous.

They put 4 adjectives in just one sentence so that you would make no mistake that they meant that this is indeed that the miraculous is indeed an absolute certain fact.

There's another bold statement for you.

The miraculous. We now live in the realm of the miraculous. Does that sound like it could be an adventure?

The Big Book says we have found much of heaven, and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.

Whoa. So that means that we're going to blast off to explore the realm of spiritual experience.

It began with Step 3.

Step three was the Launchpad

and when we made a decision to turn our will and life over the care of God.

And it says that that when we sincerely took this position, all sorts of remarkable things we're going to start happening.

We have a new employer who is all powerful and will provide what we need if we keep close to him and perform his work well.

Yeah, there's something I got to do for that to happen,

that keeping close to him and performing his work well is what I have to do for all sorts of remarkable things to start taking place.

And so those are the dictates of the agreement. That's what step three is. God says here's what I will do if

you will do this. Do you agree?

Think well

before taking that step. Are you sure you mean it? I mean it. God, I will keep close to you and perform your work well

if you will be my God, manage my life, provide what I need in a remarkable way.

So it says both you and the Newman then must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. Why? Because that's what he's told. That's what I said I would do. I would, I would perform his work well. And that means carrying this message, sharing my spirit, strength and hope, helping other Alcoholics. Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, those remarkable things will happen. When you look back, you'll realize that the things which came to you when you put your life in God's hands is better than anything you could have planned, say, better than what you could have dreamed. The miraculous, indeed an absolute certain.

So it says. Follow the dictates of your Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world

no matter what your present circumstance.

I don't care what your circumstance is today,

we're talking about the elements of a way of living that will rocket you out of any of those.

But I have to follow the dictates.

What are they

to keep close to him and perform his work? Well, that's our primary purpose. By the way, I stay sober to help another alcoholic to achieve somebody. And the big book says we have been given a great sense of purpose. That's my primary purpose. I have a sense of responsibility. This is one of the few groups I go to that read The Responsibility Pledge. I love that. Thank you all for doing that.

My primary purpose, my responsibility. We have a we have been given a great sense of purpose. And then it says accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power of God,

the more I involve myself and commit to that primary purpose and an active in it, turning on my flashlight saying God give me something to take to the meeting. I want to help people. I want to contribute to the stream of life. I have a growing sense of my responsibility to other Alcoholics and and it says I will also have a growing experience with the power of God,

Bill Wilson said. It will grow incredibly more wonderful as time passes.

Whoa. That means there's no ceiling to it.

No ceiling to it.

I was doing my my morning meditation one time, you know, trying to practice that little guided meditation thing that we do and, and try to jot down some of the things we thank God might be saying. I'm sure some of y'all are aware of that. And and I was five years sober now. I used to love this promise. That said, the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead.

But I thought it was a newcomer promise. And I loved it when I was a newcomer, you know, at least you know it's going to get better, right? But but you know what? I caught the vision of this program. I was rocketed into a full experience of what's going on here. I was having a great time. And every year I've sat down at the end of the year and said this has been the best year yet.

Next year I'd say this has been the best year yet. And it was just getting better all the time. And when I was about five or six years, so but I remember sitting there doing my morning vegetation one time and I thought, I felt God say the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead.

And I thought, now wait, a, that's a, that's a newcomer, promise.

I'm not a newcomer. And it's been real good. It's been real good.

Is that still true for me today?

And when I got still and listened, I thought I felt God say the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead, and that will always be true.

Now I spent the next day or two thinking about that. You mean as good as it is, the best is yet to come,

and when I get there, the best is yet to come. And when I reach that the best is yet to come. Oh my God, think about that. I will always be true. There's no ceiling

Bill met. It grows incredibly more wonderful as time passes.

They were not just speaking figuratively.

Does that sound like an adventure,

this new adventure of living? So we start off on Step 4 when, you know, next we launched out on the course of vigorous action. We're going to remove the things that block us from this experience, right? And so I get all that four step done and I'm going to sit down now with my sponsor, do Step 5. And like so many people, when I came to step five, I called it my sponsor and said, well, I'm ready to do my fist step. Of course I had one thing that I firmly decided I wasn't putting on there,

but I told him I was ready and this is on Friday and he says, well Dave, you know, put my house on the market and I'm sitting here waiting on some phone calls and I got to show the house and I'm going to be kind of busy this weekend. He said how about we get together Monday over to a a group. I said great. He said he'd meet me at the noon meeting and we'd do the 5th step after the noon meeting

so I said fine. The only problem with that was he left me for the whole weekend hearing this little voice in my head that kept saying we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.

Oh dear.

And it was just eating at me, you know? And on Sunday night I thought, OK, OK, so I went and got out my little Brill writing thing and I sit down and I'm punching these dots and I'm writing that one more thing on there and this dude pops up on the shoulder. Y'all know what he looks like? And he says, don't worry, he can't read that.

That's right. Thank you. Thank you,

pal, Friends. And you know, so when I went over there Monday, pushed through the door, I thought, I thought, yeah, yeah, there's no way. I don't think I can tell him that one. And I sit down in the backroom and we're getting ready and I'll get my little paper and unroll it, you know, and I'm fixing to start, he said. Just a minute.

My sponsor grabbed my hand, he said. Let's pray,

he said. God, I think you better help Dave be fearless and thorough from the very start.

Freaked me out.

I thought he was reading my I thought, did you put them thoughts in my head? I don't know. Something happened that made me afraid to lie to him.

I thought he was reading my mind.

And so I started chugging along and you know, I didn't feel anything through that whole fist step. And I got down to that last thing and I,

I finally mustered up the courage because I felt like he was waiting for it.

And I vomited it up.

And it was then

that I felt all the promises, the 5th step, starting to happen. Not until then. As long as my willingness was willing to hold back, I didn't feel nothing.

But when I decided to be willing to do the whole thing,

when I spit out that last thing, it was like I had been living my life in a dark grey bubble, like an overcast day, and all of a sudden that bubble just popped and the sun came out and there was God.

There was God, a conscious contact with God that I hadn't felt like up to that moment in my whole life. And I've been looking for it.

He just came rushing in on me.

I was at a treatment center one time just I walked in. This guy said, Dave, I'm having trouble contacting my higher power. I said, well, you don't have to worry about contacting your higher power, it's not your job to do that. He said it's not. I said no. I said your job is to work the steps and I said and do a real good job on these steps 14 nine where we clean up the house and remove the things that block us. I said if you'll do a good job removing the blocks. I said once you get all them steps done, he'll contact you.

This dude was sitting there kind of a smart aleck said what if I don't believe in God? I said, well, you will then.

We are now on a different basis.

We trust infinite God rather than our finite cells. We're in the world to play the role He assigns. There's a reference up there to your assignment. Remember that you were given an assignment when I decided to turn my will and life over the care of God and gave Him my life to manage. He gave me something to manage.

He told me that it was up to me to manage to keep close to Him and perform his work well.

God don't make me go to meetings. God don't make me read my big book. He'll get involved with me when I do it,

but he don't make me do that. God don't work my program for me,

but he'll sure jump right in the middle of it when I start doing it.

I'm did you know I am now in this world to do this assignment

to stay sober and helping other alcoholic to achieve sobriety.

And he said that all sorts of remarkable things would happen. Does that sound like an adventure? It says we have vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered

world of the Spirit. We've entered this new dimension of existence.

There's an unseen force in here and it's not a joke. It's for real.

I remember one day I, I was, I was still fairly new in sobriety, but I'm starting digging on, you know, reading the big book and jotting down some things and going to meetings and sharing them. And people coming up saying that was really good. I like that.

And so one morning I said, God, you know, I feel like I'm ready to have somebody to work with. And I prayed for somebody to work with.

And I went to the meeting. I shared some of them little Nuggets that I got in my meditation. And sure enough, a dude come up me after the meeting and said, man, I really liked what you shared. He said, I've been. He said, I wonder if I can have your phone number. I said, sure, here, here you go. And he said, I've been trying to kick heroin, man, maybe I'll give you a call. I said, great, give me a call. And I went home really happy. Oh yeah, God gave me someone to work with.

And now my wife had told me that her sister was coming over the next. She told me that night that her sister would be coming over today to bring some homemade egg rolls. Well, I forgot that now. Her sister used to be. She's kind of a hypochondriac. She has a medicine cabinet full of pills that I love.

And I used to talk to her all the time about my poor aching back and she used to keep me. She was one of my sources, you know, but I hadn't mentioned to her that I was now in recovery and hadn't seen her in a while. I, I came home from that meeting. I, I tried to lay down, take a little nap and knock on the door. I went the door. It was Norma's sister. She said, I've got brought these egg rolls. I said, great, I'll let her in. We went to the refrigerator and out in the refrigerator she said, here's here you go. And I put out my hands, and she gave me a pan. You know, I said it in refrigerator.

Here's something else. And I put out my hands and she gave me a bowl or something with tinfoil on it, and I put that in the refrigerator. She said, here, hold out your hands. And I held out my hands and she poured a pile of Vicodin in my hand.

Yeah, that's what I thought. My heart jumped into my throat and was just pounding, pounding on the other end too.

And I'm team doing sobriety for this.

And she let she said that ought to hold your wall. And I thought it, it'll hold me about 30 seconds after you walk out the door.

I mean, it was just the perfect pile. I can swallow them all. I can swallow a handful of minute in one go, you know, and it's out the door. She went and, and I'm heading for the refrigerator, get the water jug. And I'm going. No, wait, wait, wait, no, wait. I'm not supposed to do this. You know, I'm, I'm in recovery

right now, you know, and I'm fighting with my hand, bro. Yes, no, yes, no. And it was a struggle. And I put him in the drawer, said try to go take your nap. And I put him in the drawer and went and laid down.

Try to go to sleep

with that kind of adrenaline going. I get there, they're screaming at me from there. I got up and got them out and I'm still fighting with my hand all day normally come home from work and she went in the backroom to change clothes and I thought, don't tell Norman. I'm running down the hallway and this dude pops up again. He grabs me out here says hold on here, let's

and you know, he and I mean this struggle was ripping me in half. I just wanted to show I didn't experience this struggle and I said hell with it, hell with it, I'm just going to take them. That's the battles over and I'm running to it now. I turned around and going the other way down the hallway to go to the kitchen and get the water jug and right as I go through the kitchen door, my phone is right there by the phone by the kitchen door. Anyway, bring and and I just grabbed it without thinking. Now if I had time to think I wouldn't have got it. I said normally get the phone because I'm on my way to get the water jug,

but it rang right as I was beside it

a second before or a second later and I wouldn't have answered it.

And I grabbed the phone, said hello and this guy said, Dave, man, I'm about to go use talk me out of it.

And whatever came out of my mouth next talk both of us out of it.

And I realized

God is in my life today

for no joke,

you know, you start having them little things along the way and you start waking up to the reality

that we have entered the world of the Spirit.

You know, back there when I did that fifth step and that bubble popped and and I suddenly felt that contact with God that was just so the presence of God was so overwhelming. And I came out of that bad brother, and I was just laying it against the wall there and

enjoying the presence of God that I was first feeling, you know, And this dude come up to me and says, wow, man, how you doing? And I said, man, I just did my footstep, the whole thing. I was proud of that. And I said, and then I tell you, it feels so good. I said, you know, I said, if this keeps growing, this spiritual awakening keeps growing.

I said I could conceive of the day. Now see I had a skull habit.

Now this is just for me. This ain't for I'm not trying to put down any smokers, but I had back in in my heart I hope someday to quit that because I watched my dad grow old and I've been on nicotine since I was 11 years old. And they say the skull, one different skull has a nicotine of a pack of cigarettes. And I dip skull from early morning till late night

and every time I've ever tried to quit it

my skin like to peel it off. It was hell.

And you know, my last attempt to quit, it was so torturous that when I finally caved in and got me a can of skull, I sat down and said thank, I don't worry, I will never put you through that again. And I meant it. I was never going to put myself through that again.

But then I started getting older and I watched my dad's health going down the drain. He's very addicted to nicotine. And I thought, I don't want to grow old still addicted to nicotine.

You want to quit today? No, no, God, no. It was just, it was just a neat thought.

But, you know, I came out of that backroom that day after doing that fist step and I'm leaning there against the wall and and it crossed my mind. I told this dude, I said, you know, if this, if this God thing keeps growing like this, I, I could conceive of the possibility that someday I might, you know, maybe

find the courage to think about perhaps

trying to quit skull someday. I said, so you hold me accountable to that. And I said, in six months you asked me if I've quit. He said, all right, well, six months came and went and I forgot all about it.

And

he called me on a Monday and he said, hey, Dave, I'm thinking about quit smoking. Did you ever quit the skull? I said, oh, oh, no, no, no, I forgot all about that. No, don't, don't scare me with that one right now. I said, I'm I'm not in that place right now. No, no, didn't. No way. That was Monday night.

Tuesday night,

Tuesday morning I went to I got my 18 months chip by the way, I got up I went to the early morning meeting Tuesday to get 19. I was excited about getting that 18 months shift. I went over there and I'm sitting there and I'm waiting for him to say anybody going to pick up a chip today? God ready to run up there say guess what y'all I got my chip and I always had a big smile and a man. In the course of that meeting someone started sharing and they said this lady said

my 5 year old niece just burned up in a house fire

and she said

and she was grieving so bad and nobody ever the meeting just got quiet.

Nobody could touch her grief.

Nobody answered her.

And then this guy sitting behind me, an older man, he said, yeah. He said, I, I came in here a couple of weeks ago and told you all that I just made a bad business decision that may be going to cost me my business that I've had all my life. And he said, and I'm too old to start something new. And he said, and I'm so scared, I told you all, I was so scared. And he said, and I'm still terrified. Nobody said nothing.

Nobody brought any hope

into the meeting.

And then another guy said, yeah, I said,

a friend of mine

just committed suicide this weekend

because he couldn't beat the disease,

said he's been trying, but he just couldn't get it.

He said he left a note to his children. He said, I've got the note right here, and he read it to us. And he said to his children, I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you.

And he said, And I'm sorry I haven't been able to show you the love you deserve,

but at least you can take comfort in the fact that this is the last mistake I'll ever make.

And he killed himself.

That was our meeting that day.

And I stood there and I said, God, I was too new in the program. I said, God, I don't know how to. I don't know what to say. Nobody else knows what to say either. I said God, if you could ever equip me to give people like these some hope that there's a God in all this somewhere

that they can find God in it. If you can ever equip me

to give hope to people that are hurting like this. I said I think that's all I would ever want out of life.

And so I got up to get an 18 months chip. I said, did y'all hear the grief, the fear, the agony that was in this meeting today? I said, I'll tell you, God is very serious when He asked us

to perform his work well

and we need to step up to that call.