Jackson's Mill 31st Fall Roundup in Jackson's Mill, WV

I met the speaker, Karen, and, we had a little chat tonight. I was very impressed when she told me that her sponsor is Clancy. I've listened to his tapes, so I'm sure that she's going to have a wonderful message. So would you please help me welcome Karen from Pacific, Group in West Los Angeles. Hi, everybody.

I'm Karen Garrison, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Karen. And it's truly through the grace of God and the power of Alcoholics Anonymous that I've been sober since May 30 1982, and that does not make me a miracle. Alcoholics Anonymous is a miracle. And if you're new here tonight, I wanna welcome you to a.

And I always call it god's magnificent AA, the problem that saved my life and it's gonna save yours too, if you wanna take a few quick actions. And I suggest trying to get a sponsor, that you get that book, Alcoholics Anonymous, and you get busy to everybody else that's doing around here. And you stay sober, so I've stayed sober for 26 years, and people like me cannot stay sober. I can guarantee you. My My home group is the Pacific Group in West LA.

I'm very, very proud to be a member of just as I'm sure you're proud to be a member of yours, and I guess if you're not proud, you ought to get a job and you might change your mind. I certainly have a job in mind, and I'm proud to have that job. I thank Bob and the committee for inviting me. This is an honor and a privilege. It's one that I do not take lightly, I'll guarantee you.

You guys, I love Alcoholics Anonymous. I really do, and I think that it shows. And I make an awful lot of mistakes and an awful lot of things wrong, but I'll tell you one thing, that I love you. Make no mistake about that. You know, I've been taught to an awful lot of things before I ever wrote my big mouth, and one thing is talk to my sponsor, and and Clancey says she's loving me very best wishes.

And if anybody in this room is wondering, am I a man for a sponsor, am I a Clancy for a sponsor? It's really quite simple. I did not get sober in California, got sober in a place called Lincoln, Nebraska, and was not doing well on alkali solace in Nebraska. I went through 19 sponsors at a rapid clip, and I'm certainly not proud as I stand here tonight. And thank God for the old timers and aches, somebody loved me enough to get my current sponsor.

I have to tell you that my life has done nothing but totally complete challenge with all that. I absolutely draw the ground that man walks in. I talked to him a little while ago, and he said, well, get up there and share your experience, your strength, and your hope, and tell those people what it was like, what happened, what it's like now, ignore the old timers, they got it. They don't need your inspiration, my dear, and talk directly to those new people, the life and blood of A. And I believe as I stand here and I welcome you and I hope that you stay in, then I think I give with without a doubt, the most important thing I can ever do.

And that's to say, god, please help me say what you want me to say to these people. God is very much a part of my life, now, you guys. It's nice to be with me, I can guarantee you. I come from an alcoholic hell, I couldn't even describe it so bad. And, you know, my life is real good today, and sometimes I forget how bad it was.

And I can tell you the day I got sober, I weighed £95. I was the color of squash, had an alkali, hepatitis, I had liver cirrhosis, I had ruptroesophageal varices, and if you don't know what that stuff is, you don't want those because you die from that kind of stuff. And I was standing on Skid Row in Lincoln, Nebraska sucking on a bottle of Mad Dog. And if you guys have drank Mad Dog, I need to tell you it's not one of your finer wines, I can assure you. I'll guarantee you one thing, that crack has never seen a grape.

Make no mistake about that. Literally could not believe it was going on in my life. I'd lost my children. I'd lost my husband twice, although although they care about that, I want you to know. I'd lost my car.

I'd lost my house. I'd destroyed every relationship I'd ever had with anybody, and I was clearly dying from alcoholism. Then I lost the one thing that brought my niece into disease, I lost my nursing license. And you guys, I love my profession. Absolutely devastated me, but not stopped me from drinking.

And there's a reason for that, and it's in the big book about Alcoholics Anonymous, because I have an obsession that somehow, someday, I will learn to control and enjoy my drinking. The persistent is astonishing, just what everybody talks about, it is a certain gaze of insanity and death. And I'll guarantee you one thing. I was in the gates of pure silence. I got someone almost into my coffin, and I am so grateful alcovey's comments as I stand here at night.

I cannot begin to tell you. And you're gonna soon see why and stuff. But, you know, like I said earlier, I am delighted to be here, and I'm also glad you don't have a glass coming. You can see your speaker. I had this terrible experience on the East Coast.

I was out there giving a talk, and my my talk my skirt fell off in front of 3 thousand people. And I've had this glass coming. You can actually see the speaker, and that makes me nervous anyway. I have this black suit on with this wrap around skirt and a button came in. I thought, my god.

My skirt's gonna fall on the floor. And it was too late. It was on the floor. But you guys, you know what? Alcoholics Thomas taught me to wear underwear, and thank God I had some on.

It's, also taught me to take action. I just picked up that skirt and kept right on talking. What else you gonna do? You know, I want all you guys to know I am really not a senior citizen. I'm really only 33 years old, but I was secretary of the biggest AME in the world last year, and I've aged 39 and a half years.

Let me tell you. I have found out things about people I wish to hell I didn't know if you want to know the truth. But anyway, you know, like I said earlier, my sobriety date is May 30, 1982. It was not always my sobriety date. When I got my current sponsor, I had to change that date, and there's a reason for that.

I'm one of these people that had gotten smoked dope when I got sober. And if you're smoking marijuana, you're not sober now, I'll tell you about this minute. I don't want to argue about that afterwards. They're asking me the old timers if you don't believe me. If I could change my date, then by God, so do you.

But I got my current sponsor and I tried to explain to him, well, I'm from Lincoln, you can have 2 sobriety, 1 from alcohol and 1 from drugs. He rather quickly pointed out to me that I was in Southern California, we had one day here to get my date changed. And I was just a smart aleck when got my current sponsor, and I said, Where does the book mention pot? He said, The book does mention pot. And I said, Clancy, I have read that book.

It's not talking about marijuana in that book. He said, If I find the word pot in that book, will you change your sobriety number, argue me again? And I knew I was making a bad deal of you guys, but I did it anyway. And I'll be damned if he didn't flip open the big book about phleboticsonomists. On the first page of Bill Wilson's story it says, died by muscular or by pie.

I said, that is not what that means. He said, quite frankly, my dear, I don't care what it means. You said the book did mention pot. It does mention pot changes sobriety day. And quit arguing there, find yourself a different sponsor.

It also mentions people who are consciously incapable of being honest with themselves. Are you one of those people? No. Then shut up and change your sobriety date. So anyway, I am really glad to be here.

Clancy and myself and Peggy Martin were here about 12 years ago, if I remember correctly, and I've got to tell you guys this funny story. Apparently there's somewhere around here, Jackson Mills, somewhere around this place within a 100 mile radius is a place where they reenact the civil war. Am I right about that? But anyway, I can't remember the name of the place, but my sponsor loves this kind of stuff. He loves civil war stuff.

And so he's he told Peggy and I, the committee wants us to get up at 5 o'clock in the morning. The committee wants us. That's the key word here. Get up at 5 o'clock in the morning, and we'll go out there and reenact the civil war. And Peggy and I said, We don't want to do that.

And he said, I don't care what you want to do, you're going to do it, the committee wants us to. And the committee didn't want us to do that, it was Clancy's idea. But anyway, to give it 5 o'clock in the morning, we had to drive out to this place wherever it was, and, oh Christ, it was just disgusting. But anyway, you have to wear these paper uniforms and and they sheet you with water cannonballs, you know. And it was cold outside, I think it was your winter conference, it was cold outside, and Clancy shot Peggy and I both in the back of this great big ball that exploded, you know, the water went all over.

But anyway, I don't know why I had to tell that story, I just let you not want to hear it. Anyway, you know, I I grew up in Lincoln, Nebraska. I come from one of my home there in Nebraska, and I want you to know that. My mother wants you to know it too. I'll guarantee that.

You know, my mom died 14 years ago, and, god, I miss her so much I can't begin to tell you guys. And, boy, you only get one, folks, and when they're gone, they're gone. And I made a minister to her many, many years ago. We had a wonderful relationship last year with her life and stuff, but I just missed her terribly. I have to tell you guys a funny story, not that my mom died, of course.

I was back in Nebraska in August, visiting my kids and my kids and stuff, and I told my eldest son, I'm going to grandma's grave and put some flowers down. Where's your grandmother buried? I wasn't there for my ex mother in law's funeral. He said, Well, mom, just mark off 15 rows from grandma's grave. There's grandma's land's grave.

So I said, Okay. Little big, tiny graveyard is overcast in Nebraska. Been raining all day. Absolutely nobody was at that graveyard but me. And I told my speaker at the Orlando Club at 5:30.

I really didn't move right along here. It was already 10 after 5. So I put those flowers at my mom's mom's grave. I marked off 15 rows. There's my ex mother in law's grave.

I put the flowers down, and I backed up and I found myself in an 8 foot grave, you guys, so now can I get out of that damn thing? Let me tell you, when you're in it folks, you're not getting out of it, trust me. And I thought, how in the hell did this happen to me? Well, apparently the great leaders of Nebraska thought, when nobody's out here, they put a tarp with precautions on anything to hold the cast, it's basically impossible to fall on the grate. And they thought, well, nobody's going to come out here, let's go to dinner and we'll come back and do it later.

And I come soaring over. And I thought, how am I going to get out of this? I don't wish to explain to my sponsor how I missed the Alana Club 5:30 meeting while I was standing in an 8 foot grave, I've got to tell you. But what if you start screaming, Help is what you're doing? About 10 minutes later this old lady walked over the grave.

She's old but I'm not, right? And she says to me, I don't think you're supposed to be in there. And I thought, you stupid woman. I didn't say that now. I needed that one in my pocket that took time.

I said, do you got a cell phone now by any chance? She says, you know, I don't. And I said, you go up the office and tell him bring a ladder, call the fire department where they got you to get me out of this damn grave. And I said, but tell them not to run the sirens. Nobody's hurt or anything.

And here they come, you guys, to click Nebraska fire trucks with their sirens going, to the Nebraska police cars with their sirens going, and reporters of all damn things. And I said, don't you dare put my name in the paper. They said, we have to report the fire call. We don't put your name in the paper. And I said, you better see that you don't.

There it was, Monday morning, California woman falls in 8 foot grave. Karen, I can't believe they did that, but I'll have all you old timers know. I made it to my meeting at 5:29 PM I was there, and the people said to me, Karen, why do you have mull over your dresses? You don't even want to know, trust me. You never know what's going to happen, I'll call you some of this.

But I come from an alcoholic home, and I don't think that's neither here nor there. I don't do well with people who stand AA podiums and blame anybody for anything. And my father died from this disease on the streets of Chicago in 1979, and you tell me how major in the air force dies on Skid Row. I don't know how that happened, and the fact that he was an alcoholic. And whether we found a or not, I do not know.

I just know that he's certainly not stays over as a result of it. So one more time tonight, this is a cunning, baffling, powerful disease that kills people. This is not a game I'm playing up, and this is serious business. And I would give any role if my father were alive tonight because we would have a lot to talk about, I can tell you. I have a sister who was Miss Rah Rah in high school and homecoming queen and cheerleader and all that kind of stuff, and made straight As and never cracked a book, and I made straight F's and never cracked the book, and that was the difference.

My sister was a beautiful little girl, she's a gorgeous woman today, she looks nothing like I do, I've got to tell you. And she was a model for many years for Neiman Marcus in Dallas, and now she's retired and teaches school in the West Indies. And I've got to tell you guys, as a direct result of this program, I love my sister very, very much tonight, and I found out something about her. She's also very beautiful on the inside, you know, and I used to know that. I have a brother who's a fighter pilot in the Navy for a million years.

My brother retired 7 years ago and right before 9 11 and so forth, And because of 9/11 in Iraq, he's been called back in the service. And, you know, my brother is really old to be a fighter pilot, you guys. He's 54 years old. When we were growing up I thought he was such a dork, I can't begin to tell you. Straight as an arrow mic, doesn't drink, doesn't use drugs, doesn't screw around.

He was an embarrassment, to tell you the truth, but tonight I'm so proud of that, man. I cannot begin to tell you. You wouldn't catch me over Iraq in any fighter plane, but neither one of these people are alcoholic. And I have another sister who's married the public defender in Lincoln, Nebraska, who got me out of a whole bunch of trouble when I got sober, and I'm welcome to their homes than I ever used to be. I come from basically a very boring family, to know the truth.

They're high, successful people, and they bore me to tears. I love them, but they bore me to tears. And I have a couple of kids who are 4546 children, and I know I certainly don't get old enough to have kids that age, and by God, I sure do. And this is where it really starts getting interesting for me. These kids are anything but boring, and I gotta tell you guys, as a matter of fact, they're a couple of jerks to learn the truth, but those couple of jerks have given me 5 of the most gorgeous grandbabies you've ever seen before in your life, and those grandbabies have never seen their grandmother drink, and I hope you got the interview.

So thanks to my family are very good tonight. It's only a direct result of this program, I can assure you, and it took a long time for it to happen. In my case, that's a good thing. But, you know, I was a disruptive jerk when I was growing up, always in trouble, kicked out of classrooms. I hated discipline.

I was very, very rebellious. I hated people telling me what to do, and I like it even less today, if you know the truth. And, you know, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I hear that a lot from AA podiums, and I'm right right on with that, a 125%, I gotta tell you. You know, I really don't remember my first drink, you guys, but I can tell you I remember what my first drink did for me.

I could do anything I wanted to do. I could drink do anything I wanted to be, and I'd drink at any given opportunity after that, and I was probably about 13 years old. You know, I realized that I'm going to be an alcoholic somers tonight, and I honor this podium by talking about alcoholism. I used a lot of drugs to make that a small part of my story. My sponsor encourages me to do that.

You know, in the big book about collect summons, in Bill Wilson's story, he talks about the powerful influence of alcohol and sedation. He wound up on the rocks. That's precisely what happened to me, folks. But, you know, I'm one of these alcoholic females, and I hate to say this from an A podium, but it's precisely the way that it was for me, and we're supposed to tell the truth up here, that if you pat me on head my pants off that happens to me, and I got myself into a lot of trouble when I was growing up. I absolutely love men.

I love everything about them. You name them, and I love them. The downfall of my entire existence, and they remain the same today, I'm sorry to say. And I particularly like sick men. There's a room full of them here tonight.

I can just do it. That's one thing, girls, I love about Southern California. It's got so many sick men and I just entertained around the clock 24 hours a day. I have to tell you guys a funny story. I was in Nashville, Tennessee maybe about 15, 16 years ago giving a talk, and one of the fine ladies of Nashville, Tennessee, AA walked in to me afterwards I wanted to know.

And this woman said to me, she said, You're disgusting, is what she said to me. And she wasn't kidding you guys. She meant every word of it. And I said, lady, from where I come from, being disgusting is a step up, I can assure you. And furthermore, if I wanted you to sponsor me, I'd flown to Nashville and asked you.

You know, I hear some women get this podium, and I me, I'd flown to Nashville and asked you. You know, I hear some women get this podium, and I wonder if they ever drank you guys. I really do. Do all the drink that shoot us into the keyhole with an eyedropper? I was out there big time.

I got myself into a lot of trouble. I've been taught to share it at the Neonatal Clinic's Anonymous. And if I offend anybody in this room tonight, I would never offend anybody in the program to save my life. And besides that, my book tells me, and this is my favorite part of our book. It says, clean to the thought that in God's hands your dark past will be the greatest possession that you have.

And it goes on to say, because you can literally avert death and misery for others. So I thought it'd be very, very true in my sobriety. So if I have anybody here, and I don't wanna hear about it afterwards, but anyway, I got pregnant when I was 16 years old, and I had to get married. In my day, girls, you had to get married. There was no ifs, ands, and buts about that.

That's just what we did and stuff. And it must be I married an alcoholic. He was 17. I was 16. I couldn't cook.

I couldn't clean. I couldn't take care of a baby, nor did I wanna take care of a baby. And before we know it, we had 2 babies to take care of, and, yeah, I'll tell you, I found out real quick what caused all that, and I put a halt to it. But anyway, somebody in that family had to get a job, and and I found a job as a nurse aide at the hospital there in Lincoln. And the magic was put in my life.

I fell in love with nursing, and I made a plan on myself. I would love to go to school, and I'd love to become a registered nurse. That's what I love to do. You know, they say that alcoholics don't have willpower, and I'm here to tell you now from this podium that that is a bunch of crap. I have more willpower than 20 elephants.

When I wanna do well, I'm gonna do well. I don't have one ounce of willpower when it comes to my disease. And by God, when I wanna do something, I'm gonna do it. I went back. I finished junior high.

I finished high school. I went to college full time for 3 years, and I worked full time for 3 years. And I'm talking about 18, 20 hours a day, you guys, and that is hard stuff to do. I didn't drink. I didn't use any drugs during this period of time.

At the age of 27 years old, I became a registered nurse. And if you think I'm a registered nurse. And if you think I'm proud to stand here tonight and tell you that I got jerked in front of the State Board of Nursing Nebraska, and they tell me you are a disgrace to your profession, you're a disgrace to nursing, you're a disgrace to medicine, you're no longer working because we just jerked your nursing license, if you to medicine. You are no longer working because we just jerked your nursing license. If you think I'm proud of that, you are sadly wrong.

You guys, I love my profession. I really, really mean that, and I would never do anything to jeopardize the people I take care of, you know, the people that work in ordinary circumstances. And what I have to tell you now is a story about how I threw it right down the toilet so I could drink, and that is total insanity. It's also called alcoholism. At the age of 27 years old, I divorced this man.

And girls, I gotta tell you that a whole new world opened up to me, and it's called men and alcohol, and I went absolutely hog wild is what I did. I was engaged 8 times during that divorce. I never even married these people. 2 of them died from alcoholism. I know nothing about social drinking.

I drank, ran with alcoholics, and we do indeed die from this. And at the age of 27 years old, I went to begin surgery at a hospital there in Lincoln, and I had that job for 19 years. I love working in the operating room. I love taking care of those patients. It's a colorful, exciting nursing position.

I drank medical people mostly. They were colorful, intense people. They worked hard, and they played hard. I need to tell you guys that the incidence of alcoholism amongst my profession is tremendously high, and that I do a lot for your security if you're going to have surgery next week. That has to be very, very true.

And those people are so grateful that I'm sober that they can't see straight. And I'm talking about alcoholics is what I'm talking about. You know, in our book, Alcoholic Psalmist, it says clearly that we're to tell you in general what our drinking is like, and I could tell you guys about my drinking about 5 seconds flat to know the truth. Many, many years ago I was at a concert in the upstate New York called Woodstock, and I'm not talking about that piece of crap they had 10 years ago. I'm talking about the real Woodstock.

There will never be another one. Trust me on that. The kids from the 60 threw a party that nobody will ever match, I'm quite sure, and New York got when they're going to have this big event, and they told these people, if you don't get medical coverage, you are not going to have this concert. They started hiring people from Nebraska, being more responsible. We were a seedy lot, I can assure you.

And I was the 1st drunk to sign up this feeling. My 9 girls I worked to would join me, and there were about 80 doctors from New York, they were with stock. I never seen so much alcohol in place in my entire life. You could have easily solved a bowel problem whatsoever, and the drugs, it was like a candy store, and everybody was sharing, we were sharing our drugs that everybody else did. We had to scrape a big semi truck on that back lot of Woodstock, that was our hospital park back there, and I don't recall being that semi the entire week.

But I do recall when Richie Haven, standing on stage, Richie Haven singing, and Joe Cochran, and Country Joe and Santana scripts that I love. I come from the roaring sixties, you guys, and I love rock and roll, let me tell you. Things have not changed in my life in a little tiny bit. I loved Elvis Presley, and Janis Joplin was my lady, let me tell you. Wouldn't Janis Joplin have been a fine member of the Black Lives Matter, you guys?

I'd have hung out with Janis, let me tell you. I traded Janis for Clancy, and he did, if we could tell the truth, but that is a big fat lie. I did not tell him I said that, please. I was just kidding. Kidding.

I wouldn't trade my sponsor for 20 Jan Shoppos, but drinking for me at one time was a fun thing, you guys. If you'd like me to say but that, that I can remember the fun after the payment it caused me. And one more time, I am so grateful. I feel like some of us, I cannot begin to tell you. You know, the drunk driving charges, the bad checks, all the stuff that we do.

And, you know, I divorced this guy when I was 27 years old, went through all these engagements, never did get married and stuff. And, you know, I was getting myself into a lot of trouble, and my kids were in trouble. And I thought, you know, I need to get married to my ex husband again. That's what I need to do. The kids need their father.

Besides, I need to get even with him for all the things he's done to me. And those are not very good reasons to get married again, I've got to tell you. I'm certainly not proud of it as I stand here tonight. And, you know, if anybody in this room is thinking about getting married to the same person twice, don't do it. You're going to be sorry.

The only way I can describe it is like taking a bite out of the same turd twice. I'm sorry, but that's the way I feel. And he feels the same way I do as a marathon. But I danced that man through 3 of the most miserable years of his life on the face of this earth, and and I love to tell this story. I love to tell you guys this story I'm ready to tell you.

And my sponsor always tells me that is not funny, and you should not be telling that from 8 podiums. I said, Okay, fine, then I won't tell anymore. And he said, No, go ahead and tell those people to see how sick you really were, and apparently how sick you really still are. I'm still sick, and I still think it's funny, and I'm telling the story. I married him again, and I told him, I said, If you ever hit me again, again, buddy, I will kill you next time you hit me.

And he said, I'll never hit you again ever. And I said, you better see that you don't. And he lied, that's what he did. He came home drunk one night, and I happened to be sober this night for some reason, and I'll never know why because I usually wasn't. And girls, you know what guys do when they come home drunk, they want to take you to bed and stuff, and I was not buying it.

If there's anything I can't stand, it's some drunk man mauling me when I'm sober. And indicated that to me, and I said, you get your hands off me and leave me alone. I wanted nothing to do with him, period. And he broke my arm, that's what he did. And I'm here to tell you guys that I was pissed.

As a matter of fact, I'm still pissed about it, as you know the truth. And I told him, I said, you go to sleep on that couch, and so help me God, when you wake up you're going to wish you'd never been born. He said it for hours, you guys, your eyes pried open, as it must be he finally passed out. And I started drinking martinis, and this is a classic example of what alcohol did for me. Alcohol told me what to do.

I didn't tell you what to do. And I had about 8, 10 martinis, and I was feeling no pain, I can assure you. And I was sitting there watching this guy. And I hate to tell you what this man was doing, but I can't tell you the strength to tell you what he was doing. He was laying on the couch playing with himself.

I thought, you disgusting man, you make me sick to my stomach. And the more I drank, the madder I got. And you guys should know I'm a nurse and I'm very familiar with melanotomy, and I'd be very familiar with melanotomy if I wasn't a nurse. But I thought to myself, what can I do to get even to this guy for all the things he's done to me? And I came with this brilliant idea in my drunken stupor.

That's one thing we should never do, folks, is drink and think at the same time. This is many, many years ago, you guys, when SuperGlue first came out. And SuperGlue was powerful. Stuff. You know, our country, in the last 4 or 5 years, there's been 2 or 3 instances of superglue stuff.

I'm the original superglue person. I wear it like a badge of honor, for God's sake. But I got that superglue and I read the directions on that superglue, and like I said, I was drunk and I wasn't seeing very clearly. And what I thought those directions said were, If this hits human skin, you better get it off in 15 hours. Now why would it say something stupid like that?

What it said was, in fact, If this hits human skin, you better get it off in 5 minutes is what it it said. And I went this guy I get so excited when I tell this story, I could just do it all over again. This guy and I poured superglue all over this guy's groin, and I mean everywhere. There was not one place, man, that had superglue. And I laughed about, and I went to bed.

And I woke up in in the morning to screams of horror like you cannot even believe. You know, I didn't mean to hurt this guy as dead, and I swear to God that's true. But I'll tell you what happened to my ex husband. This guy never had the advantage of being circumcised when he was born, and now he clearly was, I can assure you. He was terrible.

And we we had a telephone by our bedroom. Our bedroom in Lincoln, he called the police and the cops right in front of our home with their sirens going. There was an ambulance out there. The neighbors were gawking out of their windows. And, you know, one of you guys got to keep in mind here, they do not see things like this happen in Lincoln, Nebraska.

And California would not surprise me one bit, but certainly not there. And the cops are laughing, which led to the whole thing was funny. And they said, lady, are you crazy or what? Why would you do something like this? And I stood and I said, what makes you think that I did it anyway?

I was only standing there with glue on my hands, for God's sake. And they said, you're under arrest for assault and battery. And I said, you cannot arrest wives in Nebraska for assault and battery against their husbands. I knew better than that. In 2 days when I got to jail, I guess I didn't know better than that.

And they took that man to the very hospital that I worked at in surgery, and he had to have surgery. And one more time the host staff saw what Karen did, and they took me to jail on my dad. It turned out to be a terrible, terrible thing. Those doctors there in Lincoln couldn't get that glue off, and they had to get 2 surgeons down from Creighton University Medical School in Omaha, Nebraska to get that glue off. And there's a paper written about that at Creighton.

I mean, if you're gonna go to medical school, you can read about it if you want to. To. I'd always wanted a paper written about me, but not like this, I've got to tell you. And I was sitting in that jail thinking to myself, I am getting out of this marriage. When this guy comes home from the hospital, he's going to glue something.

The mind's shut, and he would have too. I'm sorry, but he would have. For those of you who don't know this, that happened to a lady in Kentucky 10 freeway, but I had a wreck when I heard it. I thought, my God, better here than me, I've got to tell you. But, you we have an immense step in this program, and my sponsor can be getting on an airplane and fly to Sacramento, California and make amends with my ex husband.

And I tried to tell my sponsor, I'm not sorry that I did that. Therefore, I don't have to make the amends. He said, I don't give a damn whether you're sorry or not. Get in that airplane, get there, and do what I'm asking you to do, and maybe one of these days you will be sorry. I'll tell anybody in this room tonight, when that guy sees me, he kind of backs up, let me tell you.

But we were able to sit down and talk and stuff, and I made my mends to him. And I will tell you guys, I walked away from that man, I was free of what I had done to him, I was free of being married to him twice, and I will tell you for the first time my sobriety, the promise of the book of the Apocalypse Psalmist came true in my life. And you know what else I thought about that? Moties mean nothing here, folks. My motives sucked big time on that one.

I still got the promise, so go figure. It's action that counts right here, not motives and stuff. Anyway, I divorced this guy one more time. Oh, I have to tell you guys a funny story. I went up to I went up to Long Park Prison to speak about about 5 years ago, as we all know, it's men's field, penitentiary in Central Coast California, and they had this monthly speakers meeting, so they invite folks from LA to drive up in Sherso.

I went to Santa Maria and drove up there, and he had to go out to the Long Park property after the guard tower and push the button, and they say, who are you and what is your business? And I told them, 'Mrs. Garrison, do you have any weapons on you, any guns, knives, explosives?' And I said, no.' And they said, well, Mrs. Garrison, do you have any superglue on you?' For the first time in my life I was totally speechless, you know, being in the guard tower and laughing the prisoners put them up to you and stuff. And I said, Well, no, as a matter of fact, I don't.

They said, well, you can come on in. And the prisoners took me to the meeting room, they had this big blackboard with this great big circle with a red slash that said, no super good in here tonight. You never know what's gonna happen now, quite some of us. But anyway, I got involved with the most bizarre man I've ever met before in my life. This guy told me he was in the mafia.

Now I don't think anybody in Lincoln, Nebraska is in the mafia, for God's sakes. I was lying to him, and he was lying to me, which is typical. It's like nightmares, what it was. I was drinking on a daily basis. I was taking Valium for severe tremors I was starting to have.

It was beginning to be no more fun, I gotta tell you guys. You know, I'm a nurse, and I've studied alcoholism. I knew all about before I became one. It shows me one more time tonight what our book says is so true. Self knowledge abels us nothing of this disease.

It's action that counts. Nowhere in the big book about the alkyl psalmist do we have a chapter called Into Thinking. We do have one that's called Into Action, and that's the only reason I'm standing here 26 years sober. And the day they came to the hospital and told me, they said, Karen, you know what? You are absolutely pathetic.

You are the finest nurse on this staff. You have won awards for your nursing ability. What is the matter with you? You have a drinking problem, retarded to invest you in the paper, drunk driving charges, bad chairs, gluing husbands, all the crap that you're doing. Everything you do in Nebraska in the paper, I'm sorry to say, and they knew my game.

Let me change it. They said, you're going to a treatment center or you are out of here. We are not protecting you anymore. It's either treatment or you are gone. We're not doing nothing for you anymore.

And I said, you and what army is gonna make me go to a treatment center? And I walked out of a job that I love more than anything in the whole world, and I cannot say it enough tonight. And I drank, and I drank, and I died, and I I died a 1000 times over. I went to work in a nursing home there in Lincoln. What I'm ready to share with you guys is something I am not proud to discuss from the A podium.

It took me years for my sobriety before I would ever mention this. I found myself still in drugs in that nursing home, and it as drugs I did not do it because I like drugs. I just wanna make that clear. I did it for withdrawal symptoms. And I will tell you, I couldn't drink at work, so I started stealing narcotics.

It's just that damn simple. And I was stealing morphine and dimerol and cocaine and Valium I get my hands on. And if you think I'm proud of that, you are sadly wrong. And the day keeping, the people that ran that place came up to me, and they said, Karen, what is wrong with you? You are just weird as what you are.

Now you say, Good care of the patients. You're a great nurse, but you're just strange. And I remember thinking to myself, you'd be strange too if you had 200 milligrams of dimerol on board. You'd be strange too. And I threw my keys at them and walked out the door before they fired me.

And I went to work at Bryan Memorial Hospital there in Lincoln, and And you guys, it's a fine, fine facility. And I was drunk on that area about that nursing position, and I'm not talking about falling down drunk. I was just maintaining a certain amount of alcohol in my bloodstream that I would not shake and have those violent tremors. That it's clearly desperation drinking. Our book describes it vividly, and I was in hot water to my yin yang, let me tell you.

I had to drink, I had to take drugs, I had no more choice than any of it. And I will tell you guys right up front here tonight, the very thought that I might drink again makes the hair on my neck stand straight up, and that's why I'm an afternoon about quite some numbers and stuff. And and the day came in, I got caught red handed stones and morphed into the hospital, and this got me, without a doubt, the most humiliating day of my entire life. When they say, say, you give us your narcotic keys and you get out of this hospital, don't you ever walk back in here again. We're reporting this to the state board of nursing Nebraska.

That's exactly what they did. That's exactly what they should have done. My 2 jobs should have done too, as a matter of fact. And long story short here tonight, I lost my nursing license. And to make a long story short short here tonight, I wound up on the streets of Nebraska is what happened to me.

And, you guys, I spent 2 years on the streets, and I've traveled the Midwest. I've prostrated myself, and I'll guarantee you one thing, that I have seen and done things that no woman should ever see her doing. I'm still so sick on the head sometimes I think to myself, I wouldn't mind seeing some of them again, you know. And my sponsor assures me I am still a very ill member of Alkoid Thomas. But I've been in nut houses, I've been in detoxes, I've been in jails, I've been in institutions.