The How it Works group in Plymouth, England

I'm Mike, and I'm an addict. Hi, Mike.

I just spoke with my sponsor. If anybody in here is new, doesn't know what this is all about for me is, is I came into these rooms and I and I availed myself a sponsor. And basically what I is, is another addict who was going to show me precisely how they've recovered. And that was taken the 12th steps. So I'm a little bit nervous. I've got this big microphone stuck in my face here.

Yeah, he was going to show me precisely. I recovered and I was chatting to him just before, you know, we come into the meeting and basically what he to sum up the the conversation, what he said to me was, well, who would have thought? And Mike, the smart money wouldn't have been on on you. You know, he was talking about when I first come to the meetings today, I celebrate 10 years of being clean and sober. You know, that's that's a miraculous thing for me. You know, I didn't think I was going to do 10 days. I really didn't think I was going to make 10 days.

And he said the smart money one wouldn't have been on you. I'd spent 10 years previous to coming in and getting a sponsor. I've been spent 10 years previous running around all these different places. My life had become such a mess. My head had become such a mess. You know, I just couldn't see any way out of the of the situation I was in. I just kept returning and returning and returning to drugs, constantly returning to them, you know, had long since been fun. I had the old occasions but had long since been fun. You know, it was destroying my

life. I, I ruined my life with my family, you know, my, my daughter. I was just saying, I was just tearing these people's lives up and I wanted to stop, you know, and, and I tried a lot of things. I was, I was going out at different places. I get detoxes and what have you. And the, the conviction was coming across inside me of I never want to do this again. I just want a normal life. I just don't want to do this anymore.

And something would happen, you know, I, I, I come out of a detox or whatever and, and something would happen

in my head where I tricked myself, you know, time and time and time again, this time for 10 years, I tricked myself into just one, or what's the use? I'm struggling, you know, life just seems so, so unbearable. You know, life, life was unbearable when I was using, but it got, it seemed to get worse when I cleaned up. You know, the thoughts that were going on in my head.

That's the Tooting for my 10 year birthday.

They got the time a little bit wrong. I said if you can do it sort of about 25 past, not during the meeting. But yeah, if life was getting so unbearable, you know, I, I really did want to stop. I really wanted to stop. And I kept going to these places and it's happened again. It's happened again. I'm using again, you know, with all the intentions of having this one. I, I, I mean, I went to the pub one night. You know, I've been in this place and I've got, I've got to stay off of everything for five days. That's all I got to do and I'm allowed into.

Felt great. And, you know, five days it can't, it can't be that difficult. I've managed, you know, I've managed before, all right. I know I'm climbing the walls and that. But once I get in there, I get in there and I've got all this help surrounding me, I'll be OK, I'll be OK. But it's my sister's birthday and, you know, I went up the pub to celebrate with her and everything was going fine. I'm drinking Coke, you know, I'm going all night like that. But when it got to 10:50

last orders, so the the kind of thinking that kicked in all night. I'm doing fine,

but the kind of thinking that kicked in with me was, well, can I have one? I can have one because it's last orders and then I can't get anymore. I'll just have one. We're going back to my sister's. Everything would be cool. You know, they ain't going to know it. The self help. I won't tell them anyway. I had this one drink, but something happened with me, you know, I lost a year of my life. You know, I woke up and I think it was a week or two weeks later, something like that, full blown DTS going on. I'm back on heroin again. I just couldn't understand what was going on with me. You know, I ended up living in a shed.

This was just from the idea of its last orders or just have one. And I didn't know why I kept doing this. I didn't want to do it anymore. Why was this happening? I just didn't understand that. And all these places that I was going for help. Here comes the coach load on you though. So thanks, Nick. But yeah, all these places that I was going into, they were basically saying to to me, you know, go along to meetings, go and get a sponsor, go and

12 step program. If you don't, if you don't, then the best thing that's going to happen to you, if you're lucky, you're going to end up somewhere like this again. You know, if you're lucky, a lot of people die. Mike, you know, just before we, you know, starting. I'm saying I'm nervous. This is just first time in a secretary and he got little bit shaky there. James, good to see you, mate. Yeah, he got a little bit shaky there, you know, his first night, a little bit nervous. And he said remind me again, why are you doing? Why am I doing this?

So I reminded him why he's doing this. I said because you don't want to die. You don't want to die. And that's the reality. You know, I know Jeff. I know Jeff very well. I know he's got the same illness as me. You know, I didn't know it was an illness at the time. It was just I keep using, I keep using and I keep using. Nothing I do seems to stop her. And these people, you know, good people were saying go along to the meetings, get yourself a sponsor, work 12 steps. People die of this illness, might go and do this stuff. So

I'd be yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm desperate. I'm absolutely. I had those moments where I'm desperate. I do anything you tell me to do. But then all of a sudden, well, I'm all right now,

you know, I should have learned my lesson. I done one treatment centre. I come out, they've told me where this information. I didn't do what they said and I'm relapsed and I'm back in there again, you know, and they're telling me the same information when I come out at the other end. Yeah, Yeah. Or I'll do what you say. I'll do what you say. You know, I I know different this time. I've got a bit more information, got a bit more self knowledge. I'll come out and bang on, relax. And I'm back in there again. You know, 11 treatment centres, you know that mean not a seven times. The 8th time I'm knocking on the door. Please let me in. I'm desperate,

and they actually turned me away. What they said to me was, Mike, you're a hopeless case. You're a hopeless case. There's nothing more that we can do for you. This is the eighth time you come in here. What do you possibly think we can do for you? Go to meetings, go to meetings, get a sponsor and work steps. And the same type of thinking kicked in every time I've talked to these good people, good professional people. I thought you just don't understand. You don't understand. There's something wrong. There's something wrong with my thinking

anyway, jumping ahead a few years, what basically happened is another treatment centre. I've done eight months in another treatment place and they're saying the same thing again. Go to meetings, Mike, you should have learned your lesson there. You know, 10 years of this. So I came mate, and and I went to meetings and

this is just my experience. You know, the meetings I turned up at, you know, 10 years ago,

I didn't fit. I didn't fit. I didn't really identify. There was a lot of Londoners in there. And, and it was all about, you know, you the, the right trainers, you know, you, you ain't got the right trainers. So you don't fit. You know that that's no disrespect to Londoners in the room, except for you 2 down the back. But but yeah, I mean,

but this, this was just my experience, You know, nobody was able to say to me, Mike, this is what you do to recover. It was it was a gang of mates all, all, all together. And if you didn't have the right clothes, if you didn't have the right trainers, you didn't fit in. And I thought, well, what's the point of being here? What is the point? What's the point of these meetings? You know, what's this sponsorship these people have been talking about? What's these steps? Because steps weren't 10 years ago and a lot of meetings, steps weren't talked about. It was about mate saying together. And you know, you, you keep

rather clean by getting yourself active and keeping yourself busy. And I didn't want to be around these people. I just didn't, you know, they were, they weren't, they weren't speaking my language in it. So

you see what the Londoners get up more. But yeah, I mean, you know, say no disrespect, you know, that that was just my, my experience, you know, and, and just sort of even that up a little bit, you know, before 10 years before, I've been going around my own town in Bournemouth. And I was getting much the same thing from from my own town, you know, So

I just didn't think there was anything on offer in these places for me until eventually, you know, again, I say I'd come out of this place, eight months I'd spent in there and they told me to go to meetings. I popped me head in. And if I'm honest, if I'm truly honest, a big part of me popping the head in the meeting was because I did know a few of them in there. You know, I've been in treatment with some of them. And a big part of it was the ego trip. You know, I'm walking in there and it was a case of like, look at me. I'm still all right,

You know, I'm doing OK. I'm doing OK.

And anyway I decided I didn't want to go back there. I've had enough of this, you know, going along with these bloody places. Well, it's a load of rubbish, you know, I can't understand it. I don't understand what all these 12 steps is about. So, so I didn't go back again. And within three weeks I was using again, yet again. I was using, you know, it was, it was a, you know, I'd used about three times I think in the space of three weeks.

And I got to the point where I didn't want to go out the ice. I was, I was starving. I was, I was so hungry, so hungry.

I didn't want to go out the ice. I had some money to go and get some food, but I was starting to get this bit of awareness about me, of how I tricked myself. If I go up the shop to go and get some food, I know what's going to happen. I'll walk in there with all the intentions of buying some food. The moment I get into that supermarket, Summit's going to go on in my head that's going to tell me by a bottle of vodka and I believe it and by I know it from my own experience, years of experience. This happens time and time again. So I wouldn't go out the ice anyway. And it turned out

guy turned up been in the treatment with me and I I knew he was like me. I knew, you know, that the time I'd spent talking to the guy, I knew he was like me. But he sat in front of me and we got basic text there, you know that. And it talks about, you know, that this guy who comes and chats it and it's the same guy. But there was something in his eyes, something that changed with with this man. You know, it was this guy Abby sponsoring one of our Co founders. And that was the experience I had. You know, this guy sat in front of me and he was a completely different person. You know,

it been talking absolute nonsense for the eight months I'd known him in treatment and he sat in front of me and he was old in a sensible conversation, summoned clearly is whole deportment scream that he had a solution, some of fundamental Latin with this guy. You could see it in his eyes and you could see it in everything, everything that he was saying. And I asked him, I said well, what you doing? And he came out with the old chestnut I've been listening to for years. You know, Mike, I've gone to the meetings, I've got a sponsor. I started working the steps. You know, he was only on step.

He was telling me, you know, but this change had happened in in, you know, I heard one of my sponsors show the other night, you know, I don't know how this works, but it works. I hate that. I hate that sad. I don't know how it works. All I know is it works. This groups called how it works. You know, anybody who doesn't know how it works, There's a book here and there's a whole chapter. It's it's been read out at the beginning of the meeting. There's a whole chapter in there called How it works. It runs through. Rarely have we seen a person fell who's thoroughly followed our path. Those who don't recover are people who

cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. It's 12 steps, 12 steps. That's what I did. I got into a meeting and finally I said to this guy, will you sponsor me? And he said to me, are you prepared to go to any lengths? What my head said was depends what you asked me to do, but I'm like nodding and saying yes to the guy, you know, And he, he just basically started me straight off on the steps. As soon as I said yes, he started me on the steps. He give me some suggestions to do

and I was taking actions. I was doing something that was gonna bring about a fundamental change. I mean, anybody grab ahold of that book? There's a lot of information in there. You know it, it'll protect you from people like me. It'll protect me from people like you, you know, get hold of that book. Get yourself a sponsor. Make sure your sponsor has given you guidance and advice that's written in that book. You know, there's a lot of people out there that couldn't basically sponsor a lemon. Make sure the information that they're giving you comes from that book, you know,

in there about, you know, the, the, the emotions, the attitudes with the, the driving force behind me. There was a fundamental change. There was a shift. You know, they talk about a psychic change. And that's how it worked for me. You know, I was told, if you take these actions, you don't have to understand it. Just follow my instructions, whether you think it makes sense or whether you believe in or not, just take these actions and you will change despite yourself, despite what you think

will change and it will bring about the psychic change required to bring about that to remove. I don't know if, you know, anybody identifies this, that two voices in the head, that one little voice that kicks off with

one joint, just one joint would be all right. And the other side going, Mike, you know what happens? You know what happens? And that voice is trying to talk me out of it. But this little voice gets lighter and lighter and lighter and it pushes all the same. I cannot. I can't at certain times

pull into my mind with sufficient force the horror and the suffering of even a week ago. You know, I've I've there was one time I came out of it was a horrendous detox. I did you know, I'm sure we've all been through it. You know that the the Valium convulsions and all that I've done that detail. It was it was the worst detox I've ever done and I've come out of this placing. I'm never ever, ever doing that again, never doing that again. That was really bad. I felt, I felt like I was going to die and I've got on the bus, I've

bus from this this place, I've gone into the centre of town, got on the bus from the centre of town to go back over to my place. I don't think things are going to be different. Things are going to be different. I'm going to be a good father than my daughter. I'm not going to do that again. I'm not going to do it again. I'm glad that's all over with. I feel better now. I'm going to get a job. All these thoughts were going through my mind until I was just drawn up towards my bus stop and then the thought just clicked into my head of

well, rather than just get off the bus air, why don't I get off at the next stop, go see my dealer and let him know that I won't be coming rain to see him anymore. You know, now this may perfect sense to me at the time it really made sense and that's and that's the kind of thinking that dominates me. You know, I'll just pop in and let him know

that you know, I won't be doing anymore. I've had that's it for me. You know, I've done me and drugs are done. And I'm walking about his eyes looking in my hand at this bag, thinking, how did that happen? I did that happen. Now any sensible person would have been putting that down the drain. But the next thought in my head is,

well, it's been a few weeks, you know, I just do fibers worth of it. If I just chase it, you know, I just do fivers worth that, you know, just as a little treat because I did have a bit of a rough time. And that's the only thought I had about this rough time I had, you know, 10 minutes ago, I thought I was dying. You know, I'll never do that again. I was dying, you know, now it's I was having a little bit of a rough time. I just do this fiber work. You know, another few years went by out of me life. But that's the type of thinking that that that dominates me. I can't control it, no matter how much I want to wish it away, no matter how much

I'm suffering, I bring to myself, my family, whoever, I'm going to repeat that cycle time and time and time again. My history showed me that anyway, I've got this this guy and he started talking to me about stuff in this book and he there's a doctor's opinion right at the beginning of it. He said, have a read of that. And all this time that I've had this thinking of what's the matter with me? Something's wrong with me. I'm not wired up right. You know, I lie to myself and believe my lies. What's going on. And the doctor's opinion summed up brilliant for me. I mean, they talk about it. It's centres in the

mind that's the problem. It sent us in my mind and what happens with me is sooner or later once I do a detox, the only that separated from another use up is a matter of time unless that psychic change can be brought about. Now I'm not saying that we hold the monopoly on that. I mean, I don't know. I've tried a lot of things, nothing ever worked for me. But what I was told is if you take these 12 steps, what will happen is your thinking will change despite yourself and you will

for conscious contact with a higher power. And my head was this what a load of nonsense. I have power. I don't believe in God. I mean I was asked to pray and you know, I said, what do I pray to? And the guy said don't care. I don't care. Pray to the back your eyelids for all I care. Put the actions in and you'll get the results. It's been sort of similar like that through through some of the steps. You know, I couldn't see the sense in it. What good is that going to do me? I want to know the answers. 1st I was told put the actions in and the change will come. Obey.

Luckily for me, miraculous for me, I've been able to do that. You know, I've been able to put this first. I was told, put this at the center of your life and everything else in your life will fall into place. You know, I've had wonderful, wonderful things happened to me in recovery. You know that too, Too many to list really. I mean it it I've been told to make a gratitude list, you know, and the most grateful thing I can think of is that obsession has been removed from me. You know, that little niggling voice that says it's all right to have this or it's right to have what

just a shandy, you know, a nice warm day that's been removed. You know, I didn't think that would ever happen. I didn't think anything would ever remove that voice that starts lying to me. That's been removed. You know, it hasn't been back, say 10 years now. You know, this, this, this has got depth and weight. It really has got depth and weight. And I don't say that in the lines of hey, look at me 10 years. I'm saying that in the lines of this has got depth and weight. Anybody can have that. This I'm not special and different. All I've done is I've put

first. I followed the guidance of a sponsor. I followed the guidance,

followed the guidance last barely. And I

we got some car, we got some cards there. You know that the secretary and some cards speak up, et cetera, et cetera. He's got a little made-up one here. You have two minutes left. I stole the original one. I thought I'd I'd get him. He, he ain't going to shut me up too much. So he made one up, caught me out. But yeah,

right. I've got 2 minutes. Really it, it really is. I, I can't make it anymore simple than big book sponsor steps. If you can follow, if you can follow the guidance of a sponsor, if you can just put your ideas, no matter what you think, no matter what you've learned, no matter where you've been and what help you've got. And they've taught me this and they've taught me that if you can just put all that just to one side and just follow somebody else's lead, use our experience,

take the 12 steps. And I promise you, I guarantee you 100% that the obsession will be removed. You know, it's coupled with a physical allergy or, you know, I missed that eight. The doctor talks about once I have that first one, it's a, a craving develops where I have to have another and another and another. Jesus, that's me. You know, I have to have another. And I thought I was just greedy. You know, I, I've got this illness where the obsession will take over until I use it drives me that mad that I will use. Life becomes so uncomfortable.

I will use, and as soon as I use, I use again and again and again. It's anybody's guess where I'm going to stop. If you take these 12 steps, I guarantee you 100, the obsession will be removed. But not only is will the obsession be removed, but life will start opening up. It will take on a new meaning. I'm living in a world that I didn't even know existed. You know, it was all doomed, gloom, misery. You know, I seen,

you know, I talked about the attitudes, the emotions and the attitudes. I had a negative attitude. Attitude about everything. Why is he saying that? He's just getting at me. Why are they doing that? Why ain't this going my way? Why don't they behave like this? Why don't this happen? Why? It's all the why, why, why.

You know, what I've got today is life just happens and it gets increasingly more wonderful as time passes. You know, this is stuff I was getting told from experienced members. This will happen with you, Mike. All the stuff that they was telling me, I was sitting there and I think, yeah, that won't happen. Yeah, that won't happen. That won't happen. There's absolutely nothing, nothing that my sponsor has told me that hasn't hasn't been correct, that hasn't come true. It just flipped through my mind. He did lie to me once. He told me if I went running around Borrator, I'd be alright. But

I've forgiven for that one. He said you can let me offer one. But anyone who wants to know that story, see me after. I'll give you more details on that. But the, the important thing is, is if, if there's any message to get across tonight that he ain't got us, he ain't got a please shut up. So the important message if, if, if anything's got lost in amongst that or you haven't been able to concentrate like me, I want Labour to concentrate for two seconds on what people were saying. If

if if anybody wants to know what what to do, it is

get a sponsor were these 12 steps and it's as simple as that. The change will come.

Thanks. Thanks, Mike.