Workshop titled "The Spirit of the 12 Steps" in Santa Fe, NM

I ask here and so I had a
a blast at the Taj Mahal
last night at the Taj Mahal
the first time around his place
and got picked up this morning by the road runner
tell me what
it's about an hour into the simmering yeah
I was kind of funny if you know the Chinese like a mile and then it was a blast we just had a great time caressing people just laugh and then
just ate some great food and spend way too much money and it was good
I'm not asking for money which is a change
responsible spending that's a change
service I have no idea what I'm gonna do
Sir I was going to direct my previous sponsor them on my current sponsor does it things like this and ask you where you want
since I'm here to be of service he all
so I started just kinda introduce ourselves and if you just tell me who you are how long your severance and what you're looking for this weekend
I hope me
so yeah that's why I was not
coming to me was that
my sponsor used to tell me all the time because
well if you want to get to know you got to get to know god yes and at least things that's the most important thing that happens it's not
this is Kerley who you've got talkin our
how profound
what they have to share is it's about what happens after the person's done talking
the magic that happens with with one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic when al nine talk to another alcoholic talking about recovery that that's where that's where I got it
so
I'll ramble on and stuff and god knows I can talk about myself ad nauseam

You were here 🕒 8 months ago

but that's the most important thing that happens here and so you know that I'm a real alcoholic I'll tell you a little bit about me
I come from an alcoholic phone home my dad is an alcoholic he server today twenty six years
hi so I grew up in that kind of insanity what's the violence and and craziness and my mother chasing him around with frying pans and can bring in women home to set
and so that's how I got my mom here to an a a pie they got divorced and my mom merry to pilot the navy and we moved around a lot so I love the geographic even before I picked up a drink I was ready to go and it was time to go and I a lot of that is because I never fit
before I ever took a drink there was something terribly wrong with me
before I ever pick up a drink and I absolutely was one of those people who was on the outside looking in I never connected I always wanted to connect with people but I just could
I used to blame that on my family and I used to blame that on mine you know my mother had square nipple whatever that that's why I'm so different that's why I can't connect with people in today I think that that's my alcoholism
I I'd I have defective relationships I am absolutely separated on my own I'm separated from you and and and from god
so I was like I was waiting for a drink I needed a drink the first place I found some power though
my spies he's talked to me about that all the time that Valerie is what power seekers we love power something that's gonna make me feel whole
and a sense of power and that everything's okay in the first place I found that power was being a thief and I used to go to the government
friend's house for toys and
from underneath my bed and I knew exactly where to go
but I think the neighborhood pariah I found this back
so you know I didn't have a close knit relationships
when I had my first drink I was I was fourteen fifteen an hour and I was ready to have a drink and it was absolute magic for me no question
and I got sick and I got in trouble and it includes doing a server and I couldn't wait to do it again I don't care what happened to me was so profound it was like a spiritual reckoning
my head stopped
that huge hole around my gods was gone that overwhelming sense of fear of what is going on
knowing what to show you how to be around she was gone
so I don't care what the price was that I had to pay in order to drink again I was willing to pay it and I would immediately started pursuing drinking with a with a vengeance and
with that appear every year
not that this is what makes me alcoholic but to try to restrict you half hearted I went after it
within a year I was labeled a non government by the state of Florida additional treatment this will run away transit use centers juvenile detention centers all consequences of my drinking or me trying to get the money to drink
I didn't care
what's the price I have to pay I paid
if the roads are less gourmet all that internal and manageability it's a pain stops here and here are the whatever I have to do
so
seven I was wrong can raise turned sixteen my parents you know and that's what started the rounds of psychiatrists and psychologists and
god knows I've been saved numerous times I've been did doctor turned over twice you know I understand
I've been confirmed twice because the first one didn't take and that's no joke my parents that I needed to do it again but you know so anyway this this one not a counselor who I was buying cocaine from by the way tell my parents that I had an alcohol and drug problem and I needed to go into a treatment center so in nineteen eighty two I went into the care unit in Jacksonville beach Florida and I was there for three months and I was passed
I was not a good treatment participant I don't like to follow rules I never have I heard petsmart describe it once I always think that the rules don't apply to me
and and I really believe that and have lived my life that way you know I'll do what I need to do while you're looking but the instant you turn your back I'm gonna do it my way and if I get caught I'll be sorry for a little while and I might even have some genuine remorse but it's not going to last very long
and that's I mean but that and that's the nature of me
I'm recovered that's how I operate
so anyway so I'm not exactly a as a matter of fact you know when you're in treatment if you're good you get to move up levels our database new government privileges when I left treatment I was in there for three months when I left her house on level one day one so
I didn't do a good job while I was there and when I got outside to start going to AA meetings and my mom used to drop me off at the a clubhouse that's the worst and back then in nineteen eighty two you can still smoke and
moke hang in
and the other is the coffee pot and very old people and that
Christina Zorich running around in that meeting and and I was angry that I had to be there I didn't want to be there in the end at that point when I came in in that area of the country there wasn't a lot of young people come in and and I'll never forget this guy saying to me Valerie you need to go home you're still young
during your parents are telling you to do go to church be a good girl you don't have to do what we have done
and
I said
see I think I'm an alcoholic
he said no so
he goes no you haven't you haven't gotten that bad however he said that what I heard is you're not an alcoholic so became my personal mission to provide was an alcoholic to this man
so start showing up at their meetings trunk I was the key to the eight clubhouse that's where I take my friends to go party was at the eight clubhouse
I started their money they used to put their money after meetings into this coke machine and any good thief knows all you need is a hanger and you can stick that down in there and pull it out and that's what I used to drink that was my drinking money there was just what what's happening to our money I don't know yeah I mean because we're wired I'm a liar I write about anything everything it doesn't matter the visual chronic liar I lied when I don't want to lie I don't even know where I learned to fly just lied ever since I can remember I've been a liar so anyway not not a good day member not a good outstanding a member I am why sponsor because then you know they're messing around your life trying to tell you what to do
I am warning you that it was going to interfere with my lifestyle
I didn't think I was really an alcoholic I was going to a a because the consequences that's why I was gone and I was going in and out in and out in and out in and out I don't think I ever got more than three months at a time maybe six
and it would just show up when I got in trouble
and
you know what hang out in the in the club house for a while and when I was seventeen I got into a lot of legal trouble with my pursuit of alcohol and option was given to me either get sober you're going back to juvie and of course I'm gonna choose sobriety
okay it's over again
but I hit a bottom as much as a seventeen year old can I was at the end of my rope and I surrendered
and I said I will never ever drink again
and I and I meant it I really meant it and my father was now server about five years he was living in LA so
and family relations were strained in Florida so I went to LA and condominium delay my way out there my dad wanted me to like work the steps before I came out there and I don't want anything to do with that so what I did was without the twelve and twelve read up call in and just kinda make up something and say yeah I just completed steps one two and three and this is what I learned you know I I didn't do anything I just read a book because I wanted to get out of there I want to get out of where I was because you know it's all their fault and it'll be different when I'm with you because you understand that you're in a a and all that stuff so I got out there and
he said the moment I got off the plane he knew
he knew that nothing had changed and that's so true with us and I'm sure people have been around for a little while something happens when we wake up spiritually we change and it's and people see it like that
they just see it they know we sound different we look different but taking different actions
what compelled to go help other people can't get away from it
yep some crazy stuff is going
and anyway so he knew
and so I ran around Los Angeles for a while my favorite place to hang out with the five oh two club in Covina California the saying there was who's on who at the five oh two and that was the place for me
I loved it it's a matter of fact this guy named big book Mackey said growing just sit down shut up keep your legs crossed because you're missing
I went to a meeting every day that I was in a meeting every day we to that we called on the thirteenth step dances looking for love in a at the dances
which quickly moved to the parking lot
and
there is crazy we're just insane I just ran around a a was very social
it was not about I'm gonna die from this I just got into a lot of trouble when I look back on that I don't I know I did not understand what it meant to be an alcoholic I didn't get it at all I didn't understand what day was about and I and I don't know if I heard that message or not what I heard was don't drink go to meetings that's what we do here and you are you know I had a sponsor which my father picked for me and the only reason I let him pick her for me was he was making financial laments to me for pilfering mine and my brother's trust fund when we were younger and
you don't be giving that a man starts harassing because he was up last week and this past last weekend for my anniversary and
I'm stressing because he was making financial amounts to me every time I went to go pick up that check a lecture in suit you know about how I needed to straighten up and fly right and all that other stuff
and I was like that I thought amends were supposed to be free yeah
I know something now I didn't know anything then yeah now I
but anyway
so
so you know that that's what I did there I ran around chase boys I lead a very ugly life sober I got very very very spiritually six sober I was doing things sober that I had even done draw
so I know that alcohol is just a symptom of what's wrong with me no question
no question
I slowly developed into somebody sober with no conscience I could do a lot of things and feel nothing whatsoever
the stark raving so
very very sick Sir alcoholism is progressive and I need something that's bigger than my alcoholism
so as a result of living that way and you know I'll talk more about that but it live in that way I drank it happened just like that some I said do you want to drink I said yes I do
just like that three years three and a half years ago
and I stayed out there for four years I moved to Atlanta I tried the sheep experiment it's gonna be a sheep herder
and I thought that whole back to nature clean out the barn hugging trees that kind of thing
this gonna solve my problem it wasn't alcohol when I drank my mind got around that really quick I was too young
fear she drank bad idea and I say this with all honesty it's good thing I want a man I would had carnal knowledge of those sheep I see how that happens
I'm not
not to offend but it's true
I remember sitting drunk in one of the sheep stalls
just look at it and I I got it you know I mean
take that way you know I mean
so it wasn't a
good job for me
so and for a couple years sales went to New York for a couple years I hit my bottom in New York my father in essence twelve set me back into the permit Alcoholics Anonymous I wasn't looking for it I wasn't like god I've had enough the only thing that was different was I I heard him
because I ate before that been avoiding his calls at all costs and when I got on the phone with him I had very little to say but for some reason that night and I've been out on a bench and doing what I do when I drink which is race complete hell and to harm everybody in my path
and
and I said when I moved down to Richmond Virginia to get sober it never occurred to me that could make that decision and make it happen
because I don't know said oh yeah I'm gonna go back to any gets over and then I go back to a a for a little while and drink for a little while not drink for a little while Leeds so when I got down to Richmond I went to in a meeting and it was the Phoenix group was a rising from the ashes I was very symbolic
no grandiosity here and anyway but I felt like I was home
and I'd never felt like that now Collison's before and I felt like I was home I felt like they read how it works and I feel like I heard it for the very first time
it makes sense to me I knew that's where I was supposed to be I got a sponsor that night that's unusual behavior for me she ended up being committed two weeks later which was perfect for me for those first two weeks
no jokes crazy house crazy bouncing off the walls
I guess spots right away a call there every day I do wish she asked me to do I was willing
I mean I ended up during two more times and I had no intention of drinking whatsoever nine AM my last drink actually happened up in Minneapolis Minnesota I gone up there to see an artist I was representing artists at the time and I was in a studio and had a bottle of Jack in the studio on the table
and he said to me do you want a shot I said yes I do
and and I wanted to be here
and for me it was a great experience because you know our our book talks about no matter how great the necessity or the desire it's not enough for an alcoholic of our time
that I truly am powerless over this disease I did not want to drink everything and we wanted to be an Alcoholics Anonymous I was doing exactly what you guys were asking me to do I wanted to be here
so anyway that night and it was awful too because I've just gotten two shots down and my now deceased ex husband showed up to pick me up and I've only gotten two shots down which is the worst interrupting somebody and they've only had two
and I was a real nice person the rest of the day
and later that evening after right going to bed I'm going upstairs
to drink because I'm gonna finish off the job
and
I just ask god for help I said god help me
and that is the only thing I think that kept me from finishing off the job
and I've been sober since then it hasn't been necessary for me to check tecogen sets them
so surprise been really interesting my sobriety date is October thirteenth nineteen ninety two so just celebrated fifteen years my home group is the J. walkers group we meet on Tuesday nights on Friday nights Tuesday nights we've got a speaker meetings an hour and a half maybe two ten minutes speakers a break and then our main speaker our Friday night meeting is a forty five minute newcomers meeting and
and I love that meeting and maybe I'll talk about that more too but and then we have a fifteen minute break and then we have a close discussion
hi
so my home group just got done and I love them dearly they have saved my life
on numerous occasions should we take a break is it break time
all right
prayed up in
you know I'm all nervous and
I wanna you know impress you all of course and
he said that's a waste of your time
so but anyway he said I said to Jerry they
they are
they don't allow smoking in this place he goes great opportunity for you to really practice reliance upon your higher power creator Mike thanks very
given me a hard time about not smoking for for quite awhile in dine used to say to me all the time about my smoking go you're missing out on some spiritual stuff kids
which you know tell me what it is I want to know what it is I don't have to stop smoking to figure it out
just give it to me which reminds me of another story with don
you know I was when I when I start again sponsored by Donna ice probably
for five years so we're somewhere around there and
I remember calling him one day and I'm like dont tell me what to do
you know because I wanted to run my life I want my sponsor to run my life I don't want to make any mistakes because if I do the wrong thing I'm going to experience pain and I don't experience pain or discomfort and I wanna do everything perfectly
and I said don't tell me what to do tell me what to do and he said to me quit trying to use such a thief
we're trying to steal my experience
go pray go follow directions go pray
okay quiet ask for guidance and direction
follow that and if it's the wrong thing you can do something else
I did not like that direction I want a sure thing I want a Shuri
I want safety and all things and when I started to learn from that was that my creators within me while I walk with you guys and travel this past with you guys I've got this little nest with an
that I
Richard was prayer and being quiet and taken the actions of a AA that allow me to go out to the world and live in the Kerry all these things and to all of my fears so I'm not hiding out Alcoholics Anonymous and that was I want to say the name to me but it was I was monitored strongly with that idea
that I'm not to hide out in a bit okay take this way of life and these principles into my work life into my home life
it's my home group into my relationships with the women I sponsor in my friendships my family besides me and my extended family and I've had amazing experiences as a result it just trying to live this way and making many many many mistakes I was talking to Tom yesterday I used to be so afraid and very rigid
donis tell me all the time right now it's only a matter of life or death here yeah
Hey like that either what could you tell me you know
I was a big thinker
I used to think a lot and try to wrap my mind around this way of life and wrap my mind around spiritual principles and wrap my mind around my creator because I I want to be god in my life I want to dictate the path that I will take and I also while we're at it I'll dictate to you what you need to be doing it would make my past work off
and your
it's a great plan
once I explain it to you and get you on board you can be really excited about it
hasn't happened yet I was trying to Bernadette to as like I've always thought I've known what I needed and I haven't been right once not once not even long time and that's very good thing because then I probably try it again you know I mean I think that this is going to be the time again
what I found out today is all about what I found out the day is all about ultimately it's about service
that's what it's about
in all my fears
area
that's it
and we have these really cool tools that help give me prepared to go do that in the most effective way possible
and spiritually fit as I can bring to the table at that moment but it's about service and I see a lot of people even service junkies who missed that
I probably shouldn't say that but that's what I mean I just got back from assembly to talk about god they're gonna hate me for saying this
can we meet this
in my travels in Alcoholics Anonymous I've noticed that
there are service junkies
and and after a while I see them become burnt
on this way of life that just service service service service service service service and become brown they and they missed the the spirit of that
so
you know when I was a
I was about three and a half your server sorry to go insane
and I should tell you this I've done a a despair way that you can do a
I've done Hazleton Hazleton steps
I've done a Georgia
I've done the seven questions
I have done
the course in miracles
and then that's not a a a but that's the stuff that was introduced to an A. as this is the way
twelve twelve September twelve twelve
god knows what else whatever else I could come up with two early so at about three half years I started to lose my mind
and why what I was doing then was
bits and pieces of the big book
a meeting every day
pick up a drunk every day carry him to a meeting every day
that kind of thing
and and I was raised shoot myself
and I thought AA didn't work it's very angry at god I I thought like I've been doing all this in a a look at everything that I've been doing why is this happening to me
why is this happening
hi I was on the floor like suicidal depressed on the floor was absolutely mind dark knight everything that I had a dependency on was taken away I know what it means to be in sobriety to have nothing to be stripped of everything no car no job no money no place to live people in a single way you need to be committed you're crazy
stay away from her she's really sick
she will bring you down
and I was crazy I got really really knocks and sorry carrying a gun again that's not a good idea
it's a bad idea very paranoid
and and we just just go from complete rage and just I can't where you don't know what I'm talking
and then just on the floor just want to die
and if this is it
I don't want
and when I set out purposely to drink it it didn't happen
shortly after that I met Camille fray and local Kentucky and I want to save my life I met her at a conference they want to go to
and she looked at me she goes
earlier Mad Dog alcoholic you're going to die sound like a bad Louisiana psychic you're gonna die the less you get into it yeah where she went to all three parts of alcoholics and nice and I like I am in all three parts of a and it doesn't work
and she a right but I just heard hoping her because she was sharing her story she talked about being twelve years sober said with a shot gun waiting for her Amanda rack in the door because she was going to blow the operator right and identified with that
and I said I love her she understands me and I asked her to help me
and then my life has never been the same sense so
so what I did I borrow money and I went out to see her a little over Kentucky and she talked to me she talked about the internal three parts of Alcoholics Anonymous I never heard that before like what are you talking about
and you know and she talked to me about our our circle and triangle about recovery in and she asked me some questions about what have you done with the steps tell me about that well there's some things I left off inventory and this is how I wrote it
and I wrote it the last time we tried almost a check mark
and but there are things that I had left off of that and there were a man's that I was never ever I mean ever gonna make they made a mess
and I had a lot of translate words
does serve with L. math
that went along with those people and there was not going to happen
and if you don't fight me with that she said well if I'm walking with yeah you do rather see later love you mean it
don't waste my time
and it was good that she spoke to me in that way because I don't know that I would have heard it any other way
and you know she talked to me about the unity peace of of this program and unity was about convenience to me
that's how I conducted myself in Alcoholics Anonymous I showed up late I would leave early sometimes I was at my home group that was not a committed meeting to me unless I was there unless I was really tired
or I had something better to do something better came up
she told me she was you will be there unless you were dead cigarette town
I'm like that's harsh he was in when I say sick I mean sick hi this man be Pam be stuff you like to pull up and does she have an email because I like man be Pam be
yeah I heard today we know what's my favorite element you know
and she said you know how are you being of service to Alcoholics Anonymous are you a take or in a in hello yeah I'm a taker in a
yes I am
what do you I give when it's convenient to me are you willing to be inconvenienced by Alcoholics Anonymous
maybe willing to be inconvenienced by the newcomer so I was so desperate thank god for desperation I said I will go anywhere and do anywhere and do anything that you're asking me to do she says well we're gonna start the beginning when the where it says right we're gonna write once this prayer and pray when asked a question or answer it was his go here and do that we're gonna go there and do that and that's that's the deal are you willing
and I said yes I am
and so I I started taking the steps out of the big book us ever since then and it changed my life so that's the message that Kerry today she had me do a lot of things that I didn't understand and I didn't agree with you know and he said she said to me she goes without
you know they're not lying in the big book
what they're saying in their strip you know balance put in terms that I could understand if it's said that sleeping with new commerce was great way to gain spirituality is beyond their remit but it's not because it doesn't work
yeah me so she put in terms I can understand
she she having now is so
and my life was a train wreck train wreck I don't know how to live at all I mean I'm manageability everywhere everywhere I've been very angry S. son Tom happy to report that I've had the cops called on me in a long time say if you piss me off I go after you physically and I'm you know someone that Donnie Sam just not capable of doing that anymore I couldn't do that even if I want to
and and that's absolutely guy changing me because that's how why
handles anger
ever since I can remember
few maybe Maddox coming to get you and I saw real value in that
L. when things that I love about our four step is that I can for myself about the value of my character defects and more
and with my anger for a long time I still have a lot of value with that and
is it kept you off balance
and if I scared you bad enough you do what I wanted you to do
keep you away from me I need to get to a way for me
I could get my way with it
and it where I hit bottom with that is I was around seven years sober and I was at my home group
and there's a woman who came in and it was a close discussion meeting
and
she was introducing herself as an addict
and it was my duty after the meeting being little miss a a that I have now graduated to because I am armed
backs now I'm dangerous nonsense I know something now I won't spot
and I
true it
I was like I became a little you know I hate to use the term but it's true I mean that's how I was able to act came a big book not
and I hate to use that word but that's
you get the picture books number AS a sample
and that anyway so this this gal says to me in the traditions too and I'm
laying down the a long up coming after the people that are trying to destroy a number so I'm a sense right
you know so so much
and anyway Serra
so this gal she introduced herself as an addict in the meeting it's a closed meeting of AA so after the meeting was my personal responsibility is a good home group member sober up and inform her of her error
and so I grew up in I say something to her and and she says
we see a police
you can tell me what to do I can come into this meeting I can do whatever I want like are you talking to me right now
are you talking to me
and
she went online and offline and I mean I was like a peacock it just right
and
I was mad and then then I then it then it began
where I'm gonna rip off your top part except iris forcing it very loud I'm gonna rip it off and shove it up your bottom part as a home group members around little kids are running around we have baby sitting at our meeting
people that came to visit the meeting they were trying to get off the ground and it's a big brick meeting which was like taboo in Russia for a very long time we talk about that stuff so we have people visiting trying to check it out and the rats the example of solid big book AA that I'm demonstrate and I mean I'm yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs and cussing up one side and down the other and then the guy that broader I get a hold of him and I'm yelling and screaming at him and ripping him a new one and just going to town
and I don't know who stopped me but I got separated from that situation and went into the bathroom to pray and I knew right away I was wrong new right away and I made amends right away
I went back out there and and they she has never come back to them
the guy has come back with his new
one and she stays far away from me
and and I've talked to him several times since then and just you know I was dead wrong you know what can I do is there anything I can do to make it right but scared the bejesus out of
and
I'm lucky then call the cops I never really amps and I had to get up in the morning and make amends to the parents in the home group members and iris I was in bad shape with that I paid an awful awful price with that spiritually and emotionally and
and that and I I and I haven't had that sense and I'll never forget calling dawn the next day and the only thing that he asked me was why were you so threatened
that's a great question to ask when I'm ready to when I'm ready to go to war
while my system
I like going to war war is fine
yeah I can get a lot of power out of going to war
so if I think I'm right
so that was in that I've never forgotten that question I asked that of myself frequently where why do I feel so threatened right now what's going on
it's a great time
yeah that that's
okay stripe
well I have no idea what to say now
you know where do you start and I'm just praying
asking them my creator guide me and direct me
to a question from the crowd
right
yes
well we came out of that is I was afraid that I was doing it wrong
I was afraid I was wrong
and that she was right
and
my beliefs and convictions were so new
I was so very fragile with on my thing and anybody that questioned me on my new found fire and passion
I would automatically get into an argument with them and defend my experience for my actually was my new found knowledge
and
so I think that was a large part of it
was what if I'm wrong
and and I am like a I don't know what to do and people disagreed all I know how to do is go to war if you disagree with me
and
very very invested in being right
adds that little saying around a I thought it was just complete hooey
you know would you rather be right or happy
I'm like what kind of choices that
you know I mean that that made no sense to me whatsoever I thought that was pretty man be Pam be response
something that my current sponsor today Jerry said to me I don't know I have my knickers in a twist about but
sprite defending something and he said Valerie what I have learned is that everybody's right
everybody's right
even when they're wrong
I was like well
that's true and I like that even when they're wrong someone hang my hat on that you know
books like still got a little unfair but more more I see how true that is that I I did I we really do cease fighting anything or anyone
which is paramount for somebody like me to cease fighting and every time I have cease fighting it's always worked out fine
and it usually in ways that I didn't expect and M. better than anything I could have planned is to hate to hear that to god's will for you is better than anything you could have it but and I remember to write
I have some real issues with spiritual way of life with this guide reliance thing
and I was very afraid of god and
hi remember calling don up one time and it's very uptight you know very rigid kind of a girl
and
I don't remember what was going on all I knew is that I was praying and I wanted relief from my mind and from my emotions because they're on me like this I couldn't get him off so I'm praying and I'm afraid that I'm praying wrong I want a parade just right I gotta say it perfectly or I'm gonna get no relief
and and I called him up and I said I'm praying and it's not working you know the staff that you know you seem to have some kind of special connection to god I do not have that and he said will vary and I have been through the steps by this point several times out of out of our big book in
so surprised to find myself in this place I was surprised at what came out of my mouth actually because intellectually I knew differently
but I'm I'm I think it's already praying to tell me about your brain to tell me about your conception of god and I said god is is punishing and guys vindictive and if you don't do the spiritual stuff just right you're never gonna go anywhere you're never going to be happy and you guys suffer for guiding you guys suffer for spiritual reality I mean just let
all the staff came out and there was not a good story and now
and he said to me he said Valerie you've got god set up as a version of you
I was like wow that's a low blow thanks
but that was true because I am all of those things
I am vindictive punishing play favorites like I thought they were the haves and the have nots in the spiritual life and I would always be I have not I would always be somebody who is struggling with the spiritual answer I would never get it
and you know I hear these great speakers that I just adored in Alcoholics Anonymous who seem to get it
and I just used to you know
judge them because I I wanted what they had but I didn't understand how they got than I thought it will happen for them but it's never gonna happen for me and then you know Camille said to me where are you willing to do what they have done
if you want what they have are you willing to do what they have done
and also you know
I was never happy where I was at when I was two years so we're going to be twenty years sober I was five years several B. twenty five your server not comfortable at all where I'm at currently today
I always wanted to be somewhere different different and better in my mind it was different and better now I understand a little bit more about the journey and being present in today hi and also today
very grateful for my character defects
and
I am not afraid of suffering at all
and that's a complete change for someone like me I'm because I would try to control my experience in my life so to insulate myself from that stuff
and because I want to feel good all the time
unless someone I care pharmacare the worse I feel the better and I like to nurse it
Dan I like to feed it
still some misery with a go down dark with it
go on to lock down you know what I mean
please try and I can find power in that too
love to be the victim of my own my own mind yeah and while we have made to some of a **** being me you know what I mean
so full of **** and but anyway so so I don't fear suffering it on not that I'm asking for any to be delivered but when it comes I it's okay eyeing knows that there is another side to that and I don't care when it shows up I'm not attached to a time frame anymore I can be like watching wait
I don't feel better today
the better today
it's going to get better
I'm working with newcomers when's it going to get better
I'm still rolling myself into Hey when's it going to get better you know all that stuff that we get told to do I'll go find a new comer yeah get your head out of your **** talks go work with a newbie you know go pick up some drunken take him to the meeting do you have inventoried all right do you have you know what whatever you haven't finished the men's I mean I can get so wound tight with have I done this perfectly because I should be feeling this I feeling that something's wrong
yeah I mean and going into a mental whirlwind my friend calls it a psychic **** storm
and I like that read describes it perfectly
so today I just don't fight with that much anymore and I have a I did my faith is change and wild things I love in a we agnostics where it talks about we have to make that that step from bridge to shore and for me what that meant is I had to leave my mind and what I knew
and and really start to trust this voice that was starting to talk to me with them because it was starting to happen and all my life I had been running from that running running running and then it got so bad where was just completely shut off where was gone
you know I come back in there and it starts to open up a little bit more I start have a conscience again can't do the same things they used to be able to do and it was frightening for me to start trusting that
and I remember to there's one instance and and it kind of changed my faith and was like a stepping stone for me where I trusted my gut but I was being directed to do and on paper it was something that someone like me should not be doing and dying so meals time Valerie
this had to do was work follow your heart's desire do what god intended you to deal
we all have a contribution to make bobbing given the gift to do it go do it
well I can't do that I dropped out of high school you got to be educated to go do this there's no way it's gonna work out you know at that point Camille had made me go back and get my GED and sobriety I dropped out of high school a long time ago and
the don said this is about the world of the spirit
and I don't care what you think you know about this
because I shared with him about what was going on my god and it was to go teach it was too big and I couldn't go teach they didn't have a college education so my next option was to be a trainer and so I started interviewing these trainers and finding out what they did all the staff and doing some volunteer training and correctional facilities now that's a joke I have to tell you about that
I digress for one second this is but it was a good thing because then we got a meeting started in the jail so I got I did this volunteer training and I going to do this training and it's about with offenders if you its moral psychology
if you help them to understand the consequences of their behavior in the impact that it has on other people they will go forth and never sent again
the staff because this is a crock of poop I can't train this we're starting a meeting in here because of most of the people that were in that room were addicts and alcoholics and and I just could not in good conscience continue on with that training so we started a meeting and I didn't do that training and but anyway so but I was willing to put myself out there is willing to follow my gut and everything in the world told me you can't do it people in the world said it can't be done you don't have an education you have no experience
and don said at yeah whatever put it together and send it out
putting put together your skills and send it out and I didn't I got a job
two weeks later
although I couldn't believe
and make more money than I'd ever made in my life as a make it a lot I had honestly which was a different experience for me and was learning how to become self supporting through my own contributions all my life I've been a C. all in every way that you can be a C.
I stole from everybody has an equal opportunity thief I don't care I steal from anybody under any circumstances at any time and I did
so
Iraq
traveler had a great grown up in a a gas and learn how to become self supporting through my own contributions like pay my bills
not be a spiritual safe
not being emotional C.
you know I used to go to people tell me what to think tell me what to believe but the but but but but but the you know all that stuff you know and and thank god for strong sponsorship that said you know what I'm I you go figure it out and let me know
and I'm not just I don't mean that to say that I didn't get strong direction I got very strong direction
but like they knew when to let me go
they knew that line and I and I think as a sponsor you know it's a conversation I had with Gerry you know when I'm my giving direction and then one of my trying to run their life
and sometimes it seems like a very fine line at which requires so much prayer which is good good thing about sponsorship the little **** to make a break
sorry
however I was a very nice was it but it's true you know
but I would went off I tend to say really anyway so might that was like a star turn for me that trusting god was good
the trusting god was okay that really what god has planned for me really is anything it's better than anything I can come up with it really is
and so I don't fear god willing race to be afraid of god as well as like oh my god means I'm gonna have to never have sex again in my life I'm gonna have to be in nine in South America and be poor
that was my vision of doing god's will it was bad yeah
and I'm like I can't remember I can't go to any
and don said to me is it possible that maybe got dirty got somebody going down there doing that and if you were directed to do that that would be okay and my god that sounds better than what you got going on anyway right now yeah
which was true
so my recovery life is bin is been all over the map a lot of different things which I guess we'll talk more about tomorrow when we start to get into the steps a little bit more deeply
and I eyes everybody tired or not tired you want me to keep going I'm trying to
because it's Friday I'm fine I can keep going
people keep going okay
if you're tired right when the room starts to send all shut up
sure that's
is anybody here questioning whether they're an alcoholic
it's going
when it's time to get
you just hurt my feelings
I'm kidding
is anybody here not clear on whether they're an alcoholic or questioning that
I think it's okay to question whether you're an alcoholic
straight to you all like
on the page
actually I think it's time to stop because I'm done and on the inside it's done it's quiet there's nothing else coming so I'm done
and telling stories and stuff and just about our our alcoholic minds or our minds that is just unbelievably insane and I have faith that we come up with that really seems like a good idea it's always entertaining to go to jail
yes I really
I have fifteen year
it's just really neat it's really me and need to be with
a family out west that that I didn't know really well yet and I run around a lot on the east coast and it's just it's been really neat and get to spend time with you guys out here and it has become my family I I never fit in anywhere else
I desperately tried to and wanted to but I never fit in every anywhere else I was always
very awkward and sad never really fit in with the group but and and I would move from the group of people the group of people to group of people ever by the consequences of my actions you know I wear out my welcome in a group I mean I was just weird I was just strange and I was doing and saying the wrong thing and and where things would go missing so
yeah I just started my very nice person at all and it just very awkward
and when I got into a you know
and started to recover and started to get around and really started to be a part of this incredible fellowship that we have and started to be a eight AM a member of of life and it was because of what happened to me in Alcoholics Anonymous so when I go to work today I don't feel like odd man out I don't feel separated from everybody when I'm with my family and they're all lunatics I don't feel like odd man out or that I have to change them or or whatever I'll talk more about that but and that's just because a red Alcoholics Anonymous is done for me and I found that first here that sense of understanding and acceptance and then being shown a way to live
I have that I just could not find it before and the only place I ever got relief from Ali and uncomfortable he was of course the alcohol so
I want to remember about my experience with the saps will when I got service last time I was really desperate and and willing to go the length if if and this is crazy but if people have told me that if you go stand in the corner on your head and that's going to keep you sober I would have done it I would go on to that point I was willing to go anywhere do anything if it meant that I didn't have to be me anymore only the life that I was leading I was married at that time I had my son was to my wife was very angry but on the outside it looked great my first husband they
pretty good money but I was not a good wife I was not a good mother I was one of those women that would drop their kid off and say I'll be back in a couple hours and and not come back
I come back when I was done drinking
and sometimes a B. ten hours later sometimes it be a billion a half later sometimes only be an hour late
but once I started drinking
something happened where I had to keep drinking
and again I don't I don't care what the prices I have to pay that I just don't care
and that's the point I got to I really don't care
and I would show remorse if it was fitting
if it was if I could get you off my back
when I would get into arguments with Steve who is my first husband about my drinking and stuff and come home be a good wife this isn't what I signed up for
you know I do whatever I had to do to appease town so I could go out and and do what I wanted to do and and I did exactly what I wanted to do
I absolutely did not consider other people or the harm I was causing him or myself
at all
that's that's not a nice person
and for a long time I had this delusion that I was a nice person
that was a good person
and I'm not
left on my own steam I am not a kind person at all
I will be like the tornado like a book talks about running see life as a matter of fact when I went to go make amends to hound
he told me he goes around that for years I was with you were the worst four years of my life
it's not a stunning recommendations you know what I mean
we do run through people's lives
interests and create all kinds of damage and then completely arrogant about it I get over it
get over and I really used to feel that way and think that we get over it I've been appropriately sorry
I've been appropriately remorseful get over
and getting mad at you for stepping that it may
yeah as I wrote of you know renew in the coming there it's like I have been to all three months and they're still not there
Dr
you know we're sitting with that stuff and I mean it took five years before my mom I think really believed that I was sober and not going to take something from her
seven that's been incredible demonstration in my in my family
seven when I got here I was really railing
and I got a sponsor I told you about that last night she got better and then I got another gal who ended up not being an alcoholic she ended up leaving Alcoholics Anonymous her name was Joanne she was just having a rough patch and she came into
and here are just a small suicide attempt and with some booze involved when she returned she was marvelous she's just having a rough patch
but she was in a hurry and run around and and she sponsored me for around
I called her every day and I thought she was an alcoholic because she told me she was
and and you know she took me through the steps at a Hazleton
about nine months sober I lost my mind
I started bouncing off the walls really really bad and
and I had left Steve wants our server rep I left my first husband I left him
and
started doing some construction work in cleaning houses and stuff I don't know anything about live and in the world that I did not of pay bills do a check book in itself because I always found somebody to take care of me so I didn't know anything about that like paying rent and painted on time you get in trouble if you don't
that kind of stuff that I have to actually be responsible for a car making sure it's legal I have no clue about that stuff happy to report that my car is completely legal today off speeding tickets have been paid for rent for a long time I mean nothing was loose I didn't pay my tickets when I left California
and I and I this was sober before well my friend in North Carolina cars and I am so dryly
I'm server but on dry so dry
when I left California on a server for that sweet a half years I think I've thirteen warrants out for my arrest when I left that I had racked up stark raving sober
and just not paying attention the rules are applied to me you know I just thought for keep up right now but
after that time this morning like here's a story for the trouble restoring restoring
so I have
said Rep Stephen I'm learning how to live and learn how to work a little bit I'm not very good at it at all I'm not very good at showing up on time still not really good at being where I'm supposed to be when I say I'm going to be there a lot of times I don't feel like working so I jumped you might get a call from the might not
I bet it's going to a meeting and wanted to be here you know and and sometimes you know sometimes I forget when I'm working with new people on it talks about us in in our pockets and one of the practices that
we are very well when we get here very sick people I mean I don't know anybody comes into a a on a winning streak in now and there is not known as an emotional and mental hot bed of great mental health you know what I'm saying so the only good here we we read our we're sick people
and you know to be compassionate and to remember
so
so I'm nine months sober and I'm starting to go a little mad at
and trash are going to this big Burke mean called that first initial
and take got started they they were big Brooks Thompson and I was good stuff it was great
you know I had no idea that how it works was in the book I've heard it read in meetings for years have no clue and if you want to hide some from a drunk stick in the big book great slash plasterwork
and not a clue Sir is a real it was magic for me because I started to I was like oh my god there's directions in here the first directions I discovered in the bill Brock with eleven step directions and I started practicing those and I just had a blast I just had a great time and I and I kind of spiritual experience writing kind I did I will go up a little bit Burford where god was very nebulous and psyche that guy guy whatever I pray because you tell me to I had an experience and it was like god is here you know it's like a blank in science like I
broke up inside that there was something going on here
got excited about a A. garc cited that there is these directions in their
and I just started on that path and being a member of that home group and
I had a bad time to ride switch sponsors again because Joanne and gone out and that sponsorship line that I was in was very very big on commitment and that's where I really started to learn about respect for Alcoholics Anonymous and being committed in a
that's when those ideas started being introduced to me
and I live fully surrender to those because they were a tad inconvenient but I started to hear that message and was held somewhat accountable to that stuff
so I'm I'm gone along in in sobriety and of course I've gotten into a relationship
and he's the one
I am absolutely graduate we've been on you know to drones we slept together of course and Dr
there was a bad you can he understands and I think I would said to my sponsor time Nancy I know it's god's willing no god strict because we just
and I
and I've never had sex like that before yeah if and I mean yeah I mean I'm sure she was like yeah whatever and then
I'm glad that nobody can see that on tape but I just don't believe it should have been around so she was laughing you know it's funny but we know we really believe that you know we really believe that this is Scott hello
and so I ran to this relationship and and I was insane of course who moved in with each other right away you know with that joke with you get to alcoholics to grab her you know at the end of the first eighty seven rights prior to your pack up the U. haul you know and then we packed up the U. haul and in fact home living with his mom and
and I've tried to read about a move could barely pay rand said it was just it was crazy was insane but I made it seem like a great idea at the time
and Brandon armored different I I would you know I listen to other people's experience and then I listen to my sponsors experience and
eight I'm different and I would just I remember thinking that I am different
richer saying does not apply to me I'm going to do it different I'm listening to all the mistakes you made I'm not getting that I'm gonna do it different because this is true love true love
and I'm sorry in Iraq disaster disaster ensues
why because I have a relationship with god it's brand new it's just a baby just a baby relationship
and of course this man becomes my higher power
you know when I start worshipping at the altar of Alex
and
gets very sick
I start missing out on my commitments in a
start getting into arguments so I don't I don't go to the meeting I don't talk to that new girl because we're arguing that's more important we get this thing resolved
which and it never
never got resolved that way after
so just read over Iraq just crazy time you know
and then you know the big dramatic break apps well I'm gonna go find some strange because I'm mad at you if I want to retaliate
sorry go back to what I know I'll just go find me a new boyfriend that'll show you
and
I might do it you can catch me and I might not you know
wanna keep you off balance so you never know really what's going on
because that's how I like to maintain control
and this is insane and and and and and having a hard time working and you know because that becomes paramount in my life that becomes the all important thing so I hit around three years it's another break up it's nasty exactly and I just said I had a another bottom and in may M. and it was good it's the most painful thing I've ever gone through in sobriety
and it took me
R. while sometimes even hate to talk about how long it took me to come out of that
and then a lot of the reason why is because I added to it by the bucket load
but it was the turning point in my sobriety and I am forever grateful for all that stuff that went down at that time
so
at that time the sponsorship that I was then involved in was about a meeting every day didn't really do the big book it was about go find a new drunk and Kerry into a meeting and write me a letter once we can let me know what's going on
and I restarted stealing and earnest again
I started going to work and say I was I was working for a film producer at the time and I said well I'm gonna go into DC and make some calls on some perspective clients he did corporate films and stuff
you know try to find some and and then I just go home and get bad not gonna work and I talked about that a little bit last night I
stylishly stopped working could work everybody in AA that I knew my behavior became so bizarre that they were literally I was disowned by everyone I knew in a you know stay away from me I Sir getting my anger started showing up in earnest small anger problem small
I wasn't welcome at the the rainbow center the server center
but
it is a replica
it was really painful time
you know and he had left and she had started dating someone else all right now that's a bad one so what's my what's her natural response I will stalk you
so you know hi added to that with you know by
hiding behind bushes and underneath cars
vandalizing his things
and scaring him I mean
and
and he just told me later he's like you know I was afraid he was I don't know what you're gonna do here is it was terrifying I didn't know what you were going to do what you were capable of doing you were so weird
I mean I had like a bad vibes coming off of me
I'm going to the meetings were him and the girl were and I just like stare hate you now and and hope that they were feeling you have
because I've been wrong didn't
and I was very proud person I was like a crazy person and then he rose the angel how much your are wrong and I want to show on whatever you know whatever
I want to prove to them to everybody in a way that he was bad you know and I was the victim and how can you not do this to me I just it was just crazy and then I met Camille
and
and remember the woman said my life if if I had never met her I know I'd be drunk or dead no question in my mind no question because that's where I was headed they are very angry and very angry with god I didn't understand while that was happening to me I thought god was punishing me
I thought the day didn't work at all you guys are a bunch of hypocrites but you guys didn't walk which you talked that I was in real trouble and you were helping me you're just standing back there judging me and I was in real trouble
and I tried Camille likes the crazy ones I guess because she just scooped me up
and that should impact me on the two tier anything she told me you know you're going to die we're in real trouble
and now with their summer work there we gotta do here
so I I became willing to do it she asked me to do and and she laid it out clearly that