Workshop titled "The Spirit of the 12 Steps" in Santa Fe, NM
I
ask
here
and
so
I
had
a
a
blast
at
the
Taj
Mahal
last
night
at
the
Taj
Mahal
the
first
time
around
his
place
and
got
picked
up
this
morning
by
the
road
runner
tell
me
what
it's
about
an
hour
into
the
simmering
yeah
I
was
kind
of
funny
if
you
know
the
Chinese
like
a
mile
and
then
it
was
a
blast
we
just
had
a
great
time
caressing
people
just
laugh
and
then
just
ate
some
great
food
and
spend
way
too
much
money
and
it
was
good
I'm
not
asking
for
money
which
is
a
change
responsible
spending
that's
a
change
service
I
have
no
idea
what
I'm
gonna
do
Sir
I
was
going
to
direct
my
previous
sponsor
them
on
my
current
sponsor
does
it
things
like
this
and
ask
you
where
you
want
since
I'm
here
to
be
of
service
he
all
so
I
started
just
kinda
introduce
ourselves
and
if
you
just
tell
me
who
you
are
how
long
your
severance
and
what
you're
looking
for
this
weekend
I
hope
me
so
yeah
that's
why
I
was
not
coming
to
me
was
that
my
sponsor
used
to
tell
me
all
the
time
because
well
if
you
want
to
get
to
know
you
got
to
get
to
know
god
yes
and
at
least
things
that's
the
most
important
thing
that
happens
it's
not
this
is
Kerley
who
you've
got
talkin
our
how
profound
what
they
have
to
share
is
it's
about
what
happens
after
the
person's
done
talking
the
magic
that
happens
with
with
one
alcoholic
talking
to
another
alcoholic
when
al
nine
talk
to
another
alcoholic
talking
about
recovery
that
that's
where
that's
where
I
got
it
so
I'll
ramble
on
and
stuff
and
god
knows
I
can
talk
about
myself
ad
nauseam
You were here 🕒 8 months ago
I
come
from
an
alcoholic
phone
home
my
dad
is
an
alcoholic
he
server
today
twenty
six
years
hi
so
I
grew
up
in
that
kind
of
insanity
what's
the
violence
and
and
craziness
and
my
mother
chasing
him
around
with
frying
pans
and
can
bring
in
women
home
to
set
and
so
that's
how
I
got
my
mom
here
to
an
a
a
pie
they
got
divorced
and
my
mom
merry
to
pilot
the
navy
and
we
moved
around
a
lot
so
I
love
the
geographic
even
before
I
picked
up
a
drink
I
was
ready
to
go
and
it
was
time
to
go
and
I
a
lot
of
that
is
because
I
never
fit
before
I
ever
took
a
drink
there
was
something
terribly
wrong
with
me
before
I
ever
pick
up
a
drink
and
I
absolutely
was
one
of
those
people
who
was
on
the
outside
looking
in
I
never
connected
I
always
wanted
to
connect
with
people
but
I
just
could
I
used
to
blame
that
on
my
family
and
I
used
to
blame
that
on
mine
you
know
my
mother
had
square
nipple
whatever
that
that's
why
I'm
so
different
that's
why
I
can't
connect
with
people
in
today
I
think
that
that's
my
alcoholism
I
I'd
I
have
defective
relationships
I
am
absolutely
separated
on
my
own
I'm
separated
from
you
and
and
and
from
god
so
I
was
like
I
was
waiting
for
a
drink
I
needed
a
drink
the
first
place
I
found
some
power
though
my
spies
he's
talked
to
me
about
that
all
the
time
that
Valerie
is
what
power
seekers
we
love
power
something
that's
gonna
make
me
feel
whole
and
a
sense
of
power
and
that
everything's
okay
in
the
first
place
I
found
that
power
was
being
a
thief
and
I
used
to
go
to
the
government
friend's
house
for
toys
and
from
underneath
my
bed
and
I
knew
exactly
where
to
go
but
I
think
the
neighborhood
pariah
I
found
this
back
so
you
know
I
didn't
have
a
close
knit
relationships
when
I
had
my
first
drink
I
was
I
was
fourteen
fifteen
an
hour
and
I
was
ready
to
have
a
drink
and
it
was
absolute
magic
for
me
no
question
and
I
got
sick
and
I
got
in
trouble
and
it
includes
doing
a
server
and
I
couldn't
wait
to
do
it
again
I
don't
care
what
happened
to
me
was
so
profound
it
was
like
a
spiritual
reckoning
my
head
stopped
that
huge
hole
around
my
gods
was
gone
that
overwhelming
sense
of
fear
of
what
is
going
on
knowing
what
to
show
you
how
to
be
around
she
was
gone
so
I
don't
care
what
the
price
was
that
I
had
to
pay
in
order
to
drink
again
I
was
willing
to
pay
it
and
I
would
immediately
started
pursuing
drinking
with
a
with
a
vengeance
and
with
that
appear
every
year
not
that
this
is
what
makes
me
alcoholic
but
to
try
to
restrict
you
half
hearted
I
went
after
it
within
a
year
I
was
labeled
a
non
government
by
the
state
of
Florida
additional
treatment
this
will
run
away
transit
use
centers
juvenile
detention
centers
all
consequences
of
my
drinking
or
me
trying
to
get
the
money
to
drink
I
didn't
care
what's
the
price
I
have
to
pay
I
paid
if
the
roads
are
less
gourmet
all
that
internal
and
manageability
it's
a
pain
stops
here
and
here
are
the
whatever
I
have
to
do
so
seven
I
was
wrong
can
raise
turned
sixteen
my
parents
you
know
and
that's
what
started
the
rounds
of
psychiatrists
and
psychologists
and
god
knows
I've
been
saved
numerous
times
I've
been
did
doctor
turned
over
twice
you
know
I
understand
I've
been
confirmed
twice
because
the
first
one
didn't
take
and
that's
no
joke
my
parents
that
I
needed
to
do
it
again
but
you
know
so
anyway
this
this
one
not
a
counselor
who
I
was
buying
cocaine
from
by
the
way
tell
my
parents
that
I
had
an
alcohol
and
drug
problem
and
I
needed
to
go
into
a
treatment
center
so
in
nineteen
eighty
two
I
went
into
the
care
unit
in
Jacksonville
beach
Florida
and
I
was
there
for
three
months
and
I
was
passed
I
was
not
a
good
treatment
participant
I
don't
like
to
follow
rules
I
never
have
I
heard
petsmart
describe
it
once
I
always
think
that
the
rules
don't
apply
to
me
and
and
I
really
believe
that
and
have
lived
my
life
that
way
you
know
I'll
do
what
I
need
to
do
while
you're
looking
but
the
instant
you
turn
your
back
I'm
gonna
do
it
my
way
and
if
I
get
caught
I'll
be
sorry
for
a
little
while
and
I
might
even
have
some
genuine
remorse
but
it's
not
going
to
last
very
long
and
that's
I
mean
but
that
and
that's
the
nature
of
me
I'm
recovered
that's
how
I
operate
so
anyway
so
I'm
not
exactly
a
as
a
matter
of
fact
you
know
when
you're
in
treatment
if
you're
good
you
get
to
move
up
levels
our
database
new
government
privileges
when
I
left
treatment
I
was
in
there
for
three
months
when
I
left
her
house
on
level
one
day
one
so
I
didn't
do
a
good
job
while
I
was
there
and
when
I
got
outside
to
start
going
to
AA
meetings
and
my
mom
used
to
drop
me
off
at
the
a
clubhouse
that's
the
worst
and
back
then
in
nineteen
eighty
two
you
can
still
smoke
and
moke
hang
in
and
the
other
is
the
coffee
pot
and
very
old
people
and
that
Christina
Zorich
running
around
in
that
meeting
and
and
I
was
angry
that
I
had
to
be
there
I
didn't
want
to
be
there
in
the
end
at
that
point
when
I
came
in
in
that
area
of
the
country
there
wasn't
a
lot
of
young
people
come
in
and
and
I'll
never
forget
this
guy
saying
to
me
Valerie
you
need
to
go
home
you're
still
young
during
your
parents
are
telling
you
to
do
go
to
church
be
a
good
girl
you
don't
have
to
do
what
we
have
done
and
I
said
see
I
think
I'm
an
alcoholic
he
said
no
so
he
goes
no
you
haven't
you
haven't
gotten
that
bad
however
he
said
that
what
I
heard
is
you're
not
an
alcoholic
so
became
my
personal
mission
to
provide
was
an
alcoholic
to
this
man
so
start
showing
up
at
their
meetings
trunk
I
was
the
key
to
the
eight
clubhouse
that's
where
I
take
my
friends
to
go
party
was
at
the
eight
clubhouse
I
started
their
money
they
used
to
put
their
money
after
meetings
into
this
coke
machine
and
any
good
thief
knows
all
you
need
is
a
hanger
and
you
can
stick
that
down
in
there
and
pull
it
out
and
that's
what
I
used
to
drink
that
was
my
drinking
money
there
was
just
what
what's
happening
to
our
money
I
don't
know
yeah
I
mean
because
we're
wired
I'm
a
liar
I
write
about
anything
everything
it
doesn't
matter
the
visual
chronic
liar
I
lied
when
I
don't
want
to
lie
I
don't
even
know
where
I
learned
to
fly
just
lied
ever
since
I
can
remember
I've
been
a
liar
so
anyway
not
not
a
good
day
member
not
a
good
outstanding
a
member
I
am
why
sponsor
because
then
you
know
they're
messing
around
your
life
trying
to
tell
you
what
to
do
I
am
warning
you
that
it
was
going
to
interfere
with
my
lifestyle
I
didn't
think
I
was
really
an
alcoholic
I
was
going
to
a
a
because
the
consequences
that's
why
I
was
gone
and
I
was
going
in
and
out
in
and
out
in
and
out
in
and
out
I
don't
think
I
ever
got
more
than
three
months
at
a
time
maybe
six
and
it
would
just
show
up
when
I
got
in
trouble
and
you
know
what
hang
out
in
the
in
the
club
house
for
a
while
and
when
I
was
seventeen
I
got
into
a
lot
of
legal
trouble
with
my
pursuit
of
alcohol
and
option
was
given
to
me
either
get
sober
you're
going
back
to
juvie
and
of
course
I'm
gonna
choose
sobriety
okay
it's
over
again
but
I
hit
a
bottom
as
much
as
a
seventeen
year
old
can
I
was
at
the
end
of
my
rope
and
I
surrendered
and
I
said
I
will
never
ever
drink
again
and
I
and
I
meant
it
I
really
meant
it
and
my
father
was
now
server
about
five
years
he
was
living
in
LA
so
and
family
relations
were
strained
in
Florida
so
I
went
to
LA
and
condominium
delay
my
way
out
there
my
dad
wanted
me
to
like
work
the
steps
before
I
came
out
there
and
I
don't
want
anything
to
do
with
that
so
what
I
did
was
without
the
twelve
and
twelve
read
up
call
in
and
just
kinda
make
up
something
and
say
yeah
I
just
completed
steps
one
two
and
three
and
this
is
what
I
learned
you
know
I
I
didn't
do
anything
I
just
read
a
book
because
I
wanted
to
get
out
of
there
I
want
to
get
out
of
where
I
was
because
you
know
it's
all
their
fault
and
it'll
be
different
when
I'm
with
you
because
you
understand
that
you're
in
a
a
and
all
that
stuff
so
I
got
out
there
and
he
said
the
moment
I
got
off
the
plane
he
knew
he
knew
that
nothing
had
changed
and
that's
so
true
with
us
and
I'm
sure
people
have
been
around
for
a
little
while
something
happens
when
we
wake
up
spiritually
we
change
and
it's
and
people
see
it
like
that
they
just
see
it
they
know
we
sound
different
we
look
different
but
taking
different
actions
what
compelled
to
go
help
other
people
can't
get
away
from
it
yep
some
crazy
stuff
is
going
and
anyway
so
he
knew
and
so
I
ran
around
Los
Angeles
for
a
while
my
favorite
place
to
hang
out
with
the
five
oh
two
club
in
Covina
California
the
saying
there
was
who's
on
who
at
the
five
oh
two
and
that
was
the
place
for
me
I
loved
it
it's
a
matter
of
fact
this
guy
named
big
book
Mackey
said
growing
just
sit
down
shut
up
keep
your
legs
crossed
because
you're
missing
I
went
to
a
meeting
every
day
that
I
was
in
a
meeting
every
day
we
to
that
we
called
on
the
thirteenth
step
dances
looking
for
love
in
a
at
the
dances
which
quickly
moved
to
the
parking
lot
and
there
is
crazy
we're
just
insane
I
just
ran
around
a
a
was
very
social
it
was
not
about
I'm
gonna
die
from
this
I
just
got
into
a
lot
of
trouble
when
I
look
back
on
that
I
don't
I
know
I
did
not
understand
what
it
meant
to
be
an
alcoholic
I
didn't
get
it
at
all
I
didn't
understand
what
day
was
about
and
I
and
I
don't
know
if
I
heard
that
message
or
not
what
I
heard
was
don't
drink
go
to
meetings
that's
what
we
do
here
and
you
are
you
know
I
had
a
sponsor
which
my
father
picked
for
me
and
the
only
reason
I
let
him
pick
her
for
me
was
he
was
making
financial
laments
to
me
for
pilfering
mine
and
my
brother's
trust
fund
when
we
were
younger
and
you
don't
be
giving
that
a
man
starts
harassing
because
he
was
up
last
week
and
this
past
last
weekend
for
my
anniversary
and
I'm
stressing
because
he
was
making
financial
amounts
to
me
every
time
I
went
to
go
pick
up
that
check
a
lecture
in
suit
you
know
about
how
I
needed
to
straighten
up
and
fly
right
and
all
that
other
stuff
and
I
was
like
that
I
thought
amends
were
supposed
to
be
free
yeah
I
know
something
now
I
didn't
know
anything
then
yeah
now
I
but
anyway
so
so
you
know
that
that's
what
I
did
there
I
ran
around
chase
boys
I
lead
a
very
ugly
life
sober
I
got
very
very
very
spiritually
six
sober
I
was
doing
things
sober
that
I
had
even
done
draw
so
I
know
that
alcohol
is
just
a
symptom
of
what's
wrong
with
me
no
question
no
question
I
slowly
developed
into
somebody
sober
with
no
conscience
I
could
do
a
lot
of
things
and
feel
nothing
whatsoever
the
stark
raving
so
very
very
sick
Sir
alcoholism
is
progressive
and
I
need
something
that's
bigger
than
my
alcoholism
so
as
a
result
of
living
that
way
and
you
know
I'll
talk
more
about
that
but
it
live
in
that
way
I
drank
it
happened
just
like
that
some
I
said
do
you
want
to
drink
I
said
yes
I
do
just
like
that
three
years
three
and
a
half
years
ago
and
I
stayed
out
there
for
four
years
I
moved
to
Atlanta
I
tried
the
sheep
experiment
it's
gonna
be
a
sheep
herder
and
I
thought
that
whole
back
to
nature
clean
out
the
barn
hugging
trees
that
kind
of
thing
this
gonna
solve
my
problem
it
wasn't
alcohol
when
I
drank
my
mind
got
around
that
really
quick
I
was
too
young
fear
she
drank
bad
idea
and
I
say
this
with
all
honesty
it's
good
thing
I
want
a
man
I
would
had
carnal
knowledge
of
those
sheep
I
see
how
that
happens
I'm
not
not
to
offend
but
it's
true
I
remember
sitting
drunk
in
one
of
the
sheep
stalls
just
look
at
it
and
I
I
got
it
you
know
I
mean
take
that
way
you
know
I
mean
so
it
wasn't
a
good
job
for
me
so
and
for
a
couple
years
sales
went
to
New
York
for
a
couple
years
I
hit
my
bottom
in
New
York
my
father
in
essence
twelve
set
me
back
into
the
permit
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
wasn't
looking
for
it
I
wasn't
like
god
I've
had
enough
the
only
thing
that
was
different
was
I
I
heard
him
because
I
ate
before
that
been
avoiding
his
calls
at
all
costs
and
when
I
got
on
the
phone
with
him
I
had
very
little
to
say
but
for
some
reason
that
night
and
I've
been
out
on
a
bench
and
doing
what
I
do
when
I
drink
which
is
race
complete
hell
and
to
harm
everybody
in
my
path
and
and
I
said
when
I
moved
down
to
Richmond
Virginia
to
get
sober
it
never
occurred
to
me
that
could
make
that
decision
and
make
it
happen
because
I
don't
know
said
oh
yeah
I'm
gonna
go
back
to
any
gets
over
and
then
I
go
back
to
a
a
for
a
little
while
and
drink
for
a
little
while
not
drink
for
a
little
while
Leeds
so
when
I
got
down
to
Richmond
I
went
to
in
a
meeting
and
it
was
the
Phoenix
group
was
a
rising
from
the
ashes
I
was
very
symbolic
no
grandiosity
here
and
anyway
but
I
felt
like
I
was
home
and
I'd
never
felt
like
that
now
Collison's
before
and
I
felt
like
I
was
home
I
felt
like
they
read
how
it
works
and
I
feel
like
I
heard
it
for
the
very
first
time
it
makes
sense
to
me
I
knew
that's
where
I
was
supposed
to
be
I
got
a
sponsor
that
night
that's
unusual
behavior
for
me
she
ended
up
being
committed
two
weeks
later
which
was
perfect
for
me
for
those
first
two
weeks
no
jokes
crazy
house
crazy
bouncing
off
the
walls
I
guess
spots
right
away
a
call
there
every
day
I
do
wish
she
asked
me
to
do
I
was
willing
I
mean
I
ended
up
during
two
more
times
and
I
had
no
intention
of
drinking
whatsoever
nine
AM
my
last
drink
actually
happened
up
in
Minneapolis
Minnesota
I
gone
up
there
to
see
an
artist
I
was
representing
artists
at
the
time
and
I
was
in
a
studio
and
had
a
bottle
of
Jack
in
the
studio
on
the
table
and
he
said
to
me
do
you
want
a
shot
I
said
yes
I
do
and
and
I
wanted
to
be
here
and
for
me
it
was
a
great
experience
because
you
know
our
our
book
talks
about
no
matter
how
great
the
necessity
or
the
desire
it's
not
enough
for
an
alcoholic
of
our
time
that
I
truly
am
powerless
over
this
disease
I
did
not
want
to
drink
everything
and
we
wanted
to
be
an
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
was
doing
exactly
what
you
guys
were
asking
me
to
do
I
wanted
to
be
here
so
anyway
that
night
and
it
was
awful
too
because
I've
just
gotten
two
shots
down
and
my
now
deceased
ex
husband
showed
up
to
pick
me
up
and
I've
only
gotten
two
shots
down
which
is
the
worst
interrupting
somebody
and
they've
only
had
two
and
I
was
a
real
nice
person
the
rest
of
the
day
and
later
that
evening
after
right
going
to
bed
I'm
going
upstairs
to
drink
because
I'm
gonna
finish
off
the
job
and
I
just
ask
god
for
help
I
said
god
help
me
and
that
is
the
only
thing
I
think
that
kept
me
from
finishing
off
the
job
and
I've
been
sober
since
then
it
hasn't
been
necessary
for
me
to
check
tecogen
sets
them
so
surprise
been
really
interesting
my
sobriety
date
is
October
thirteenth
nineteen
ninety
two
so
just
celebrated
fifteen
years
my
home
group
is
the
J.
walkers
group
we
meet
on
Tuesday
nights
on
Friday
nights
Tuesday
nights
we've
got
a
speaker
meetings
an
hour
and
a
half
maybe
two
ten
minutes
speakers
a
break
and
then
our
main
speaker
our
Friday
night
meeting
is
a
forty
five
minute
newcomers
meeting
and
and
I
love
that
meeting
and
maybe
I'll
talk
about
that
more
too
but
and
then
we
have
a
fifteen
minute
break
and
then
we
have
a
close
discussion
hi
so
my
home
group
just
got
done
and
I
love
them
dearly
they
have
saved
my
life
on
numerous
occasions
should
we
take
a
break
is
it
break
time
all
right
prayed
up
in
you
know
I'm
all
nervous
and
I
wanna
you
know
impress
you
all
of
course
and
he
said
that's
a
waste
of
your
time
so
but
anyway
he
said
I
said
to
Jerry
they
they
are
they
don't
allow
smoking
in
this
place
he
goes
great
opportunity
for
you
to
really
practice
reliance
upon
your
higher
power
creator
Mike
thanks
very
given
me
a
hard
time
about
not
smoking
for
for
quite
awhile
in
dine
used
to
say
to
me
all
the
time
about
my
smoking
go
you're
missing
out
on
some
spiritual
stuff
kids
which
you
know
tell
me
what
it
is
I
want
to
know
what
it
is
I
don't
have
to
stop
smoking
to
figure
it
out
just
give
it
to
me
which
reminds
me
of
another
story
with
don
you
know
I
was
when
I
when
I
start
again
sponsored
by
Donna
ice
probably
for
five
years
so
we're
somewhere
around
there
and
I
remember
calling
him
one
day
and
I'm
like
dont
tell
me
what
to
do
you
know
because
I
wanted
to
run
my
life
I
want
my
sponsor
to
run
my
life
I
don't
want
to
make
any
mistakes
because
if
I
do
the
wrong
thing
I'm
going
to
experience
pain
and
I
don't
experience
pain
or
discomfort
and
I
wanna
do
everything
perfectly
and
I
said
don't
tell
me
what
to
do
tell
me
what
to
do
and
he
said
to
me
quit
trying
to
use
such
a
thief
we're
trying
to
steal
my
experience
go
pray
go
follow
directions
go
pray
okay
quiet
ask
for
guidance
and
direction
follow
that
and
if
it's
the
wrong
thing
you
can
do
something
else
I
did
not
like
that
direction
I
want
a
sure
thing
I
want
a
Shuri
I
want
safety
and
all
things
and
when
I
started
to
learn
from
that
was
that
my
creators
within
me
while
I
walk
with
you
guys
and
travel
this
past
with
you
guys
I've
got
this
little
nest
with
an
that
I
Richard
was
prayer
and
being
quiet
and
taken
the
actions
of
a
AA
that
allow
me
to
go
out
to
the
world
and
live
in
the
Kerry
all
these
things
and
to
all
of
my
fears
so
I'm
not
hiding
out
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
that
was
I
want
to
say
the
name
to
me
but
it
was
I
was
monitored
strongly
with
that
idea
that
I'm
not
to
hide
out
in
a
bit
okay
take
this
way
of
life
and
these
principles
into
my
work
life
into
my
home
life
it's
my
home
group
into
my
relationships
with
the
women
I
sponsor
in
my
friendships
my
family
besides
me
and
my
extended
family
and
I've
had
amazing
experiences
as
a
result
it
just
trying
to
live
this
way
and
making
many
many
many
mistakes
I
was
talking
to
Tom
yesterday
I
used
to
be
so
afraid
and
very
rigid
donis
tell
me
all
the
time
right
now
it's
only
a
matter
of
life
or
death
here
yeah
Hey
like
that
either
what
could
you
tell
me
you
know
I
was
a
big
thinker
I
used
to
think
a
lot
and
try
to
wrap
my
mind
around
this
way
of
life
and
wrap
my
mind
around
spiritual
principles
and
wrap
my
mind
around
my
creator
because
I
I
want
to
be
god
in
my
life
I
want
to
dictate
the
path
that
I
will
take
and
I
also
while
we're
at
it
I'll
dictate
to
you
what
you
need
to
be
doing
it
would
make
my
past
work
off
and
your
it's
a
great
plan
once
I
explain
it
to
you
and
get
you
on
board
you
can
be
really
excited
about
it
hasn't
happened
yet
I
was
trying
to
Bernadette
to
as
like
I've
always
thought
I've
known
what
I
needed
and
I
haven't
been
right
once
not
once
not
even
long
time
and
that's
very
good
thing
because
then
I
probably
try
it
again
you
know
I
mean
I
think
that
this
is
going
to
be
the
time
again
what
I
found
out
today
is
all
about
what
I
found
out
the
day
is
all
about
ultimately
it's
about
service
that's
what
it's
about
in
all
my
fears
area
that's
it
and
we
have
these
really
cool
tools
that
help
give
me
prepared
to
go
do
that
in
the
most
effective
way
possible
and
spiritually
fit
as
I
can
bring
to
the
table
at
that
moment
but
it's
about
service
and
I
see
a
lot
of
people
even
service
junkies
who
missed
that
I
probably
shouldn't
say
that
but
that's
what
I
mean
I
just
got
back
from
assembly
to
talk
about
god
they're
gonna
hate
me
for
saying
this
can
we
meet
this
in
my
travels
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I've
noticed
that
there
are
service
junkies
and
and
after
a
while
I
see
them
become
burnt
on
this
way
of
life
that
just
service
service
service
service
service
service
service
and
become
brown
they
and
they
missed
the
the
spirit
of
that
so
you
know
when
I
was
a
I
was
about
three
and
a
half
your
server
sorry
to
go
insane
and
I
should
tell
you
this
I've
done
a
a
despair
way
that
you
can
do
a
I've
done
Hazleton
Hazleton
steps
I've
done
a
Georgia
I've
done
the
seven
questions
I
have
done
the
course
in
miracles
and
then
that's
not
a
a
a
but
that's
the
stuff
that
was
introduced
to
an
A.
as
this
is
the
way
twelve
twelve
September
twelve
twelve
god
knows
what
else
whatever
else
I
could
come
up
with
two
early
so
at
about
three
half
years
I
started
to
lose
my
mind
and
why
what
I
was
doing
then
was
bits
and
pieces
of
the
big
book
a
meeting
every
day
pick
up
a
drunk
every
day
carry
him
to
a
meeting
every
day
that
kind
of
thing
and
and
I
was
raised
shoot
myself
and
I
thought
AA
didn't
work
it's
very
angry
at
god
I
I
thought
like
I've
been
doing
all
this
in
a
a
look
at
everything
that
I've
been
doing
why
is
this
happening
to
me
why
is
this
happening
hi
I
was
on
the
floor
like
suicidal
depressed
on
the
floor
was
absolutely
mind
dark
knight
everything
that
I
had
a
dependency
on
was
taken
away
I
know
what
it
means
to
be
in
sobriety
to
have
nothing
to
be
stripped
of
everything
no
car
no
job
no
money
no
place
to
live
people
in
a
single
way
you
need
to
be
committed
you're
crazy
stay
away
from
her
she's
really
sick
she
will
bring
you
down
and
I
was
crazy
I
got
really
really
knocks
and
sorry
carrying
a
gun
again
that's
not
a
good
idea
it's
a
bad
idea
very
paranoid
and
and
we
just
just
go
from
complete
rage
and
just
I
can't
where
you
don't
know
what
I'm
talking
and
then
just
on
the
floor
just
want
to
die
and
if
this
is
it
I
don't
want
and
when
I
set
out
purposely
to
drink
it
it
didn't
happen
shortly
after
that
I
met
Camille
fray
and
local
Kentucky
and
I
want
to
save
my
life
I
met
her
at
a
conference
they
want
to
go
to
and
she
looked
at
me
she
goes
earlier
Mad
Dog
alcoholic
you're
going
to
die
sound
like
a
bad
Louisiana
psychic
you're
gonna
die
the
less
you
get
into
it
yeah
where
she
went
to
all
three
parts
of
alcoholics
and
nice
and
I
like
I
am
in
all
three
parts
of
a
and
it
doesn't
work
and
she
a
right
but
I
just
heard
hoping
her
because
she
was
sharing
her
story
she
talked
about
being
twelve
years
sober
said
with
a
shot
gun
waiting
for
her
Amanda
rack
in
the
door
because
she
was
going
to
blow
the
operator
right
and
identified
with
that
and
I
said
I
love
her
she
understands
me
and
I
asked
her
to
help
me
and
then
my
life
has
never
been
the
same
sense
so
so
what
I
did
I
borrow
money
and
I
went
out
to
see
her
a
little
over
Kentucky
and
she
talked
to
me
she
talked
about
the
internal
three
parts
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
never
heard
that
before
like
what
are
you
talking
about
and
you
know
and
she
talked
to
me
about
our
our
circle
and
triangle
about
recovery
in
and
she
asked
me
some
questions
about
what
have
you
done
with
the
steps
tell
me
about
that
well
there's
some
things
I
left
off
inventory
and
this
is
how
I
wrote
it
and
I
wrote
it
the
last
time
we
tried
almost
a
check
mark
and
but
there
are
things
that
I
had
left
off
of
that
and
there
were
a
man's
that
I
was
never
ever
I
mean
ever
gonna
make
they
made
a
mess
and
I
had
a
lot
of
translate
words
does
serve
with
L.
math
that
went
along
with
those
people
and
there
was
not
going
to
happen
and
if
you
don't
fight
me
with
that
she
said
well
if
I'm
walking
with
yeah
you
do
rather
see
later
love
you
mean
it
don't
waste
my
time
and
it
was
good
that
she
spoke
to
me
in
that
way
because
I
don't
know
that
I
would
have
heard
it
any
other
way
and
you
know
she
talked
to
me
about
the
unity
peace
of
of
this
program
and
unity
was
about
convenience
to
me
that's
how
I
conducted
myself
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
showed
up
late
I
would
leave
early
sometimes
I
was
at
my
home
group
that
was
not
a
committed
meeting
to
me
unless
I
was
there
unless
I
was
really
tired
or
I
had
something
better
to
do
something
better
came
up
she
told
me
she
was
you
will
be
there
unless
you
were
dead
cigarette
town
I'm
like
that's
harsh
he
was
in
when
I
say
sick
I
mean
sick
hi
this
man
be
Pam
be
stuff
you
like
to
pull
up
and
does
she
have
an
email
because
I
like
man
be
Pam
be
yeah
I
heard
today
we
know
what's
my
favorite
element
you
know
and
she
said
you
know
how
are
you
being
of
service
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous
are
you
a
take
or
in
a
in
hello
yeah
I'm
a
taker
in
a
yes
I
am
what
do
you
I
give
when
it's
convenient
to
me
are
you
willing
to
be
inconvenienced
by
Alcoholics
Anonymous
maybe
willing
to
be
inconvenienced
by
the
newcomer
so
I
was
so
desperate
thank
god
for
desperation
I
said
I
will
go
anywhere
and
do
anywhere
and
do
anything
that
you're
asking
me
to
do
she
says
well
we're
gonna
start
the
beginning
when
the
where
it
says
right
we're
gonna
write
once
this
prayer
and
pray
when
asked
a
question
or
answer
it
was
his
go
here
and
do
that
we're
gonna
go
there
and
do
that
and
that's
that's
the
deal
are
you
willing
and
I
said
yes
I
am
and
so
I
I
started
taking
the
steps
out
of
the
big
book
us
ever
since
then
and
it
changed
my
life
so
that's
the
message
that
Kerry
today
she
had
me
do
a
lot
of
things
that
I
didn't
understand
and
I
didn't
agree
with
you
know
and
he
said
she
said
to
me
she
goes
without
you
know
they're
not
lying
in
the
big
book
what
they're
saying
in
their
strip
you
know
balance
put
in
terms
that
I
could
understand
if
it's
said
that
sleeping
with
new
commerce
was
great
way
to
gain
spirituality
is
beyond
their
remit
but
it's
not
because
it
doesn't
work
yeah
me
so
she
put
in
terms
I
can
understand
she
she
having
now
is
so
and
my
life
was
a
train
wreck
train
wreck
I
don't
know
how
to
live
at
all
I
mean
I'm
manageability
everywhere
everywhere
I've
been
very
angry
S.
son
Tom
happy
to
report
that
I've
had
the
cops
called
on
me
in
a
long
time
say
if
you
piss
me
off
I
go
after
you
physically
and
I'm
you
know
someone
that
Donnie
Sam
just
not
capable
of
doing
that
anymore
I
couldn't
do
that
even
if
I
want
to
and
and
that's
absolutely
guy
changing
me
because
that's
how
why
handles
anger
ever
since
I
can
remember
few
maybe
Maddox
coming
to
get
you
and
I
saw
real
value
in
that
L.
when
things
that
I
love
about
our
four
step
is
that
I
can
for
myself
about
the
value
of
my
character
defects
and
more
and
with
my
anger
for
a
long
time
I
still
have
a
lot
of
value
with
that
and
is
it
kept
you
off
balance
and
if
I
scared
you
bad
enough
you
do
what
I
wanted
you
to
do
keep
you
away
from
me
I
need
to
get
to
a
way
for
me
I
could
get
my
way
with
it
and
it
where
I
hit
bottom
with
that
is
I
was
around
seven
years
sober
and
I
was
at
my
home
group
and
there's
a
woman
who
came
in
and
it
was
a
close
discussion
meeting
and
she
was
introducing
herself
as
an
addict
and
it
was
my
duty
after
the
meeting
being
little
miss
a
a
that
I
have
now
graduated
to
because
I
am
armed
backs
now
I'm
dangerous
nonsense
I
know
something
now
I
won't
spot
and
I
true
it
I
was
like
I
became
a
little
you
know
I
hate
to
use
the
term
but
it's
true
I
mean
that's
how
I
was
able
to
act
came
a
big
book
not
and
I
hate
to
use
that
word
but
that's
you
get
the
picture
books
number
AS
a
sample
and
that
anyway
so
this
this
gal
says
to
me
in
the
traditions
too
and
I'm
laying
down
the
a
long
up
coming
after
the
people
that
are
trying
to
destroy
a
number
so
I'm
a
sense
right
you
know
so
so
much
and
anyway
Serra
so
this
gal
she
introduced
herself
as
an
addict
in
the
meeting
it's
a
closed
meeting
of
AA
so
after
the
meeting
was
my
personal
responsibility
is
a
good
home
group
member
sober
up
and
inform
her
of
her
error
and
so
I
grew
up
in
I
say
something
to
her
and
and
she
says
we
see
a
police
you
can
tell
me
what
to
do
I
can
come
into
this
meeting
I
can
do
whatever
I
want
like
are
you
talking
to
me
right
now
are
you
talking
to
me
and
she
went
online
and
offline
and
I
mean
I
was
like
a
peacock
it
just
right
and
I
was
mad
and
then
then
I
then
it
then
it
began
where
I'm
gonna
rip
off
your
top
part
except
iris
forcing
it
very
loud
I'm
gonna
rip
it
off
and
shove
it
up
your
bottom
part
as
a
home
group
members
around
little
kids
are
running
around
we
have
baby
sitting
at
our
meeting
people
that
came
to
visit
the
meeting
they
were
trying
to
get
off
the
ground
and
it's
a
big
brick
meeting
which
was
like
taboo
in
Russia
for
a
very
long
time
we
talk
about
that
stuff
so
we
have
people
visiting
trying
to
check
it
out
and
the
rats
the
example
of
solid
big
book
AA
that
I'm
demonstrate
and
I
mean
I'm
yelling
and
screaming
at
the
top
of
my
lungs
and
cussing
up
one
side
and
down
the
other
and
then
the
guy
that
broader
I
get
a
hold
of
him
and
I'm
yelling
and
screaming
at
him
and
ripping
him
a
new
one
and
just
going
to
town
and
I
don't
know
who
stopped
me
but
I
got
separated
from
that
situation
and
went
into
the
bathroom
to
pray
and
I
knew
right
away
I
was
wrong
new
right
away
and
I
made
amends
right
away
I
went
back
out
there
and
and
they
she
has
never
come
back
to
them
the
guy
has
come
back
with
his
new
one
and
she
stays
far
away
from
me
and
and
I've
talked
to
him
several
times
since
then
and
just
you
know
I
was
dead
wrong
you
know
what
can
I
do
is
there
anything
I
can
do
to
make
it
right
but
scared
the
bejesus
out
of
and
I'm
lucky
then
call
the
cops
I
never
really
amps
and
I
had
to
get
up
in
the
morning
and
make
amends
to
the
parents
in
the
home
group
members
and
iris
I
was
in
bad
shape
with
that
I
paid
an
awful
awful
price
with
that
spiritually
and
emotionally
and
and
that
and
I
I
and
I
haven't
had
that
sense
and
I'll
never
forget
calling
dawn
the
next
day
and
the
only
thing
that
he
asked
me
was
why
were
you
so
threatened
that's
a
great
question
to
ask
when
I'm
ready
to
when
I'm
ready
to
go
to
war
while
my
system
I
like
going
to
war
war
is
fine
yeah
I
can
get
a
lot
of
power
out
of
going
to
war
so
if
I
think
I'm
right
so
that
was
in
that
I've
never
forgotten
that
question
I
asked
that
of
myself
frequently
where
why
do
I
feel
so
threatened
right
now
what's
going
on
it's
a
great
time
yeah
that
that's
okay
stripe
well
I
have
no
idea
what
to
say
now
you
know
where
do
you
start
and
I'm
just
praying
asking
them
my
creator
guide
me
and
direct
me
to
a
question
from
the
crowd
right
yes
well
we
came
out
of
that
is
I
was
afraid
that
I
was
doing
it
wrong
I
was
afraid
I
was
wrong
and
that
she
was
right
and
my
beliefs
and
convictions
were
so
new
I
was
so
very
fragile
with
on
my
thing
and
anybody
that
questioned
me
on
my
new
found
fire
and
passion
I
would
automatically
get
into
an
argument
with
them
and
defend
my
experience
for
my
actually
was
my
new
found
knowledge
and
so
I
think
that
was
a
large
part
of
it
was
what
if
I'm
wrong
and
and
I
am
like
a
I
don't
know
what
to
do
and
people
disagreed
all
I
know
how
to
do
is
go
to
war
if
you
disagree
with
me
and
very
very
invested
in
being
right
adds
that
little
saying
around
a
I
thought
it
was
just
complete
hooey
you
know
would
you
rather
be
right
or
happy
I'm
like
what
kind
of
choices
that
you
know
I
mean
that
that
made
no
sense
to
me
whatsoever
I
thought
that
was
pretty
man
be
Pam
be
response
something
that
my
current
sponsor
today
Jerry
said
to
me
I
don't
know
I
have
my
knickers
in
a
twist
about
but
sprite
defending
something
and
he
said
Valerie
what
I
have
learned
is
that
everybody's
right
everybody's
right
even
when
they're
wrong
I
was
like
well
that's
true
and
I
like
that
even
when
they're
wrong
someone
hang
my
hat
on
that
you
know
books
like
still
got
a
little
unfair
but
more
more
I
see
how
true
that
is
that
I
I
did
I
we
really
do
cease
fighting
anything
or
anyone
which
is
paramount
for
somebody
like
me
to
cease
fighting
and
every
time
I
have
cease
fighting
it's
always
worked
out
fine
and
it
usually
in
ways
that
I
didn't
expect
and
M.
better
than
anything
I
could
have
planned
is
to
hate
to
hear
that
to
god's
will
for
you
is
better
than
anything
you
could
have
it
but
and
I
remember
to
write
I
have
some
real
issues
with
spiritual
way
of
life
with
this
guide
reliance
thing
and
I
was
very
afraid
of
god
and
hi
remember
calling
don
up
one
time
and
it's
very
uptight
you
know
very
rigid
kind
of
a
girl
and
I
don't
remember
what
was
going
on
all
I
knew
is
that
I
was
praying
and
I
wanted
relief
from
my
mind
and
from
my
emotions
because
they're
on
me
like
this
I
couldn't
get
him
off
so
I'm
praying
and
I'm
afraid
that
I'm
praying
wrong
I
want
a
parade
just
right
I
gotta
say
it
perfectly
or
I'm
gonna
get
no
relief
and
and
I
called
him
up
and
I
said
I'm
praying
and
it's
not
working
you
know
the
staff
that
you
know
you
seem
to
have
some
kind
of
special
connection
to
god
I
do
not
have
that
and
he
said
will
vary
and
I
have
been
through
the
steps
by
this
point
several
times
out
of
out
of
our
big
book
in
so
surprised
to
find
myself
in
this
place
I
was
surprised
at
what
came
out
of
my
mouth
actually
because
intellectually
I
knew
differently
but
I'm
I'm
I
think
it's
already
praying
to
tell
me
about
your
brain
to
tell
me
about
your
conception
of
god
and
I
said
god
is
is
punishing
and
guys
vindictive
and
if
you
don't
do
the
spiritual
stuff
just
right
you're
never
gonna
go
anywhere
you're
never
going
to
be
happy
and
you
guys
suffer
for
guiding
you
guys
suffer
for
spiritual
reality
I
mean
just
let
all
the
staff
came
out
and
there
was
not
a
good
story
and
now
and
he
said
to
me
he
said
Valerie
you've
got
god
set
up
as
a
version
of
you
I
was
like
wow
that's
a
low
blow
thanks
but
that
was
true
because
I
am
all
of
those
things
I
am
vindictive
punishing
play
favorites
like
I
thought
they
were
the
haves
and
the
have
nots
in
the
spiritual
life
and
I
would
always
be
I
have
not
I
would
always
be
somebody
who
is
struggling
with
the
spiritual
answer
I
would
never
get
it
and
you
know
I
hear
these
great
speakers
that
I
just
adored
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
who
seem
to
get
it
and
I
just
used
to
you
know
judge
them
because
I
I
wanted
what
they
had
but
I
didn't
understand
how
they
got
than
I
thought
it
will
happen
for
them
but
it's
never
gonna
happen
for
me
and
then
you
know
Camille
said
to
me
where
are
you
willing
to
do
what
they
have
done
if
you
want
what
they
have
are
you
willing
to
do
what
they
have
done
and
also
you
know
I
was
never
happy
where
I
was
at
when
I
was
two
years
so
we're
going
to
be
twenty
years
sober
I
was
five
years
several
B.
twenty
five
your
server
not
comfortable
at
all
where
I'm
at
currently
today
I
always
wanted
to
be
somewhere
different
different
and
better
in
my
mind
it
was
different
and
better
now
I
understand
a
little
bit
more
about
the
journey
and
being
present
in
today
hi
and
also
today
very
grateful
for
my
character
defects
and
I
am
not
afraid
of
suffering
at
all
and
that's
a
complete
change
for
someone
like
me
I'm
because
I
would
try
to
control
my
experience
in
my
life
so
to
insulate
myself
from
that
stuff
and
because
I
want
to
feel
good
all
the
time
unless
someone
I
care
pharmacare
the
worse
I
feel
the
better
and
I
like
to
nurse
it
Dan
I
like
to
feed
it
still
some
misery
with
a
go
down
dark
with
it
go
on
to
lock
down
you
know
what
I
mean
please
try
and
I
can
find
power
in
that
too
love
to
be
the
victim
of
my
own
my
own
mind
yeah
and
while
we
have
made
to
some
of
a
****
being
me
you
know
what
I
mean
so
full
of
****
and
but
anyway
so
so
I
don't
fear
suffering
it
on
not
that
I'm
asking
for
any
to
be
delivered
but
when
it
comes
I
it's
okay
eyeing
knows
that
there
is
another
side
to
that
and
I
don't
care
when
it
shows
up
I'm
not
attached
to
a
time
frame
anymore
I
can
be
like
watching
wait
I
don't
feel
better
today
the
better
today
it's
going
to
get
better
I'm
working
with
newcomers
when's
it
going
to
get
better
I'm
still
rolling
myself
into
Hey
when's
it
going
to
get
better
you
know
all
that
stuff
that
we
get
told
to
do
I'll
go
find
a
new
comer
yeah
get
your
head
out
of
your
****
talks
go
work
with
a
newbie
you
know
go
pick
up
some
drunken
take
him
to
the
meeting
do
you
have
inventoried
all
right
do
you
have
you
know
what
whatever
you
haven't
finished
the
men's
I
mean
I
can
get
so
wound
tight
with
have
I
done
this
perfectly
because
I
should
be
feeling
this
I
feeling
that
something's
wrong
yeah
I
mean
and
going
into
a
mental
whirlwind
my
friend
calls
it
a
psychic
****
storm
and
I
like
that
read
describes
it
perfectly
so
today
I
just
don't
fight
with
that
much
anymore
and
I
have
a
I
did
my
faith
is
change
and
wild
things
I
love
in
a
we
agnostics
where
it
talks
about
we
have
to
make
that
that
step
from
bridge
to
shore
and
for
me
what
that
meant
is
I
had
to
leave
my
mind
and
what
I
knew
and
and
really
start
to
trust
this
voice
that
was
starting
to
talk
to
me
with
them
because
it
was
starting
to
happen
and
all
my
life
I
had
been
running
from
that
running
running
running
and
then
it
got
so
bad
where
was
just
completely
shut
off
where
was
gone
you
know
I
come
back
in
there
and
it
starts
to
open
up
a
little
bit
more
I
start
have
a
conscience
again
can't
do
the
same
things
they
used
to
be
able
to
do
and
it
was
frightening
for
me
to
start
trusting
that
and
I
remember
to
there's
one
instance
and
and
it
kind
of
changed
my
faith
and
was
like
a
stepping
stone
for
me
where
I
trusted
my
gut
but
I
was
being
directed
to
do
and
on
paper
it
was
something
that
someone
like
me
should
not
be
doing
and
dying
so
meals
time
Valerie
this
had
to
do
was
work
follow
your
heart's
desire
do
what
god
intended
you
to
deal
we
all
have
a
contribution
to
make
bobbing
given
the
gift
to
do
it
go
do
it
well
I
can't
do
that
I
dropped
out
of
high
school
you
got
to
be
educated
to
go
do
this
there's
no
way
it's
gonna
work
out
you
know
at
that
point
Camille
had
made
me
go
back
and
get
my
GED
and
sobriety
I
dropped
out
of
high
school
a
long
time
ago
and
the
don
said
this
is
about
the
world
of
the
spirit
and
I
don't
care
what
you
think
you
know
about
this
because
I
shared
with
him
about
what
was
going
on
my
god
and
it
was
to
go
teach
it
was
too
big
and
I
couldn't
go
teach
they
didn't
have
a
college
education
so
my
next
option
was
to
be
a
trainer
and
so
I
started
interviewing
these
trainers
and
finding
out
what
they
did
all
the
staff
and
doing
some
volunteer
training
and
correctional
facilities
now
that's
a
joke
I
have
to
tell
you
about
that
I
digress
for
one
second
this
is
but
it
was
a
good
thing
because
then
we
got
a
meeting
started
in
the
jail
so
I
got
I
did
this
volunteer
training
and
I
going
to
do
this
training
and
it's
about
with
offenders
if
you
its
moral
psychology
if
you
help
them
to
understand
the
consequences
of
their
behavior
in
the
impact
that
it
has
on
other
people
they
will
go
forth
and
never
sent
again
the
staff
because
this
is
a
crock
of
poop
I
can't
train
this
we're
starting
a
meeting
in
here
because
of
most
of
the
people
that
were
in
that
room
were
addicts
and
alcoholics
and
and
I
just
could
not
in
good
conscience
continue
on
with
that
training
so
we
started
a
meeting
and
I
didn't
do
that
training
and
but
anyway
so
but
I
was
willing
to
put
myself
out
there
is
willing
to
follow
my
gut
and
everything
in
the
world
told
me
you
can't
do
it
people
in
the
world
said
it
can't
be
done
you
don't
have
an
education
you
have
no
experience
and
don
said
at
yeah
whatever
put
it
together
and
send
it
out
putting
put
together
your
skills
and
send
it
out
and
I
didn't
I
got
a
job
two
weeks
later
although
I
couldn't
believe
and
make
more
money
than
I'd
ever
made
in
my
life
as
a
make
it
a
lot
I
had
honestly
which
was
a
different
experience
for
me
and
was
learning
how
to
become
self
supporting
through
my
own
contributions
all
my
life
I've
been
a
C.
all
in
every
way
that
you
can
be
a
C.
I
stole
from
everybody
has
an
equal
opportunity
thief
I
don't
care
I
steal
from
anybody
under
any
circumstances
at
any
time
and
I
did
so
Iraq
traveler
had
a
great
grown
up
in
a
a
gas
and
learn
how
to
become
self
supporting
through
my
own
contributions
like
pay
my
bills
not
be
a
spiritual
safe
not
being
emotional
C.
you
know
I
used
to
go
to
people
tell
me
what
to
think
tell
me
what
to
believe
but
the
but
but
but
but
but
the
you
know
all
that
stuff
you
know
and
and
thank
god
for
strong
sponsorship
that
said
you
know
what
I'm
I
you
go
figure
it
out
and
let
me
know
and
I'm
not
just
I
don't
mean
that
to
say
that
I
didn't
get
strong
direction
I
got
very
strong
direction
but
like
they
knew
when
to
let
me
go
they
knew
that
line
and
I
and
I
think
as
a
sponsor
you
know
it's
a
conversation
I
had
with
Gerry
you
know
when
I'm
my
giving
direction
and
then
one
of
my
trying
to
run
their
life
and
sometimes
it
seems
like
a
very
fine
line
at
which
requires
so
much
prayer
which
is
good
good
thing
about
sponsorship
the
little
****
to
make
a
break
sorry
however
I
was
a
very
nice
was
it
but
it's
true
you
know
but
I
would
went
off
I
tend
to
say
really
anyway
so
might
that
was
like
a
star
turn
for
me
that
trusting
god
was
good
the
trusting
god
was
okay
that
really
what
god
has
planned
for
me
really
is
anything
it's
better
than
anything
I
can
come
up
with
it
really
is
and
so
I
don't
fear
god
willing
race
to
be
afraid
of
god
as
well
as
like
oh
my
god
means
I'm
gonna
have
to
never
have
sex
again
in
my
life
I'm
gonna
have
to
be
in
nine
in
South
America
and
be
poor
that
was
my
vision
of
doing
god's
will
it
was
bad
yeah
and
I'm
like
I
can't
remember
I
can't
go
to
any
and
don
said
to
me
is
it
possible
that
maybe
got
dirty
got
somebody
going
down
there
doing
that
and
if
you
were
directed
to
do
that
that
would
be
okay
and
my
god
that
sounds
better
than
what
you
got
going
on
anyway
right
now
yeah
which
was
true
so
my
recovery
life
is
bin
is
been
all
over
the
map
a
lot
of
different
things
which
I
guess
we'll
talk
more
about
tomorrow
when
we
start
to
get
into
the
steps
a
little
bit
more
deeply
and
I
eyes
everybody
tired
or
not
tired
you
want
me
to
keep
going
I'm
trying
to
because
it's
Friday
I'm
fine
I
can
keep
going
people
keep
going
okay
if
you're
tired
right
when
the
room
starts
to
send
all
shut
up
sure
that's
is
anybody
here
questioning
whether
they're
an
alcoholic
it's
going
when
it's
time
to
get
you
just
hurt
my
feelings
I'm
kidding
is
anybody
here
not
clear
on
whether
they're
an
alcoholic
or
questioning
that
I
think
it's
okay
to
question
whether
you're
an
alcoholic
straight
to
you
all
like
on
the
page
actually
I
think
it's
time
to
stop
because
I'm
done
and
on
the
inside
it's
done
it's
quiet
there's
nothing
else
coming
so
I'm
done
and
telling
stories
and
stuff
and
just
about
our
our
alcoholic
minds
or
our
minds
that
is
just
unbelievably
insane
and
I
have
faith
that
we
come
up
with
that
really
seems
like
a
good
idea
it's
always
entertaining
to
go
to
jail
yes
I
really
I
have
fifteen
year
it's
just
really
neat
it's
really
me
and
need
to
be
with
a
family
out
west
that
that
I
didn't
know
really
well
yet
and
I
run
around
a
lot
on
the
east
coast
and
it's
just
it's
been
really
neat
and
get
to
spend
time
with
you
guys
out
here
and
it
has
become
my
family
I
I
never
fit
in
anywhere
else
I
desperately
tried
to
and
wanted
to
but
I
never
fit
in
every
anywhere
else
I
was
always
very
awkward
and
sad
never
really
fit
in
with
the
group
but
and
and
I
would
move
from
the
group
of
people
the
group
of
people
to
group
of
people
ever
by
the
consequences
of
my
actions
you
know
I
wear
out
my
welcome
in
a
group
I
mean
I
was
just
weird
I
was
just
strange
and
I
was
doing
and
saying
the
wrong
thing
and
and
where
things
would
go
missing
so
yeah
I
just
started
my
very
nice
person
at
all
and
it
just
very
awkward
and
when
I
got
into
a
you
know
and
started
to
recover
and
started
to
get
around
and
really
started
to
be
a
part
of
this
incredible
fellowship
that
we
have
and
started
to
be
a
eight
AM
a
member
of
of
life
and
it
was
because
of
what
happened
to
me
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
so
when
I
go
to
work
today
I
don't
feel
like
odd
man
out
I
don't
feel
separated
from
everybody
when
I'm
with
my
family
and
they're
all
lunatics
I
don't
feel
like
odd
man
out
or
that
I
have
to
change
them
or
or
whatever
I'll
talk
more
about
that
but
and
that's
just
because
a
red
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
done
for
me
and
I
found
that
first
here
that
sense
of
understanding
and
acceptance
and
then
being
shown
a
way
to
live
I
have
that
I
just
could
not
find
it
before
and
the
only
place
I
ever
got
relief
from
Ali
and
uncomfortable
he
was
of
course
the
alcohol
so
I
want
to
remember
about
my
experience
with
the
saps
will
when
I
got
service
last
time
I
was
really
desperate
and
and
willing
to
go
the
length
if
if
and
this
is
crazy
but
if
people
have
told
me
that
if
you
go
stand
in
the
corner
on
your
head
and
that's
going
to
keep
you
sober
I
would
have
done
it
I
would
go
on
to
that
point
I
was
willing
to
go
anywhere
do
anything
if
it
meant
that
I
didn't
have
to
be
me
anymore
only
the
life
that
I
was
leading
I
was
married
at
that
time
I
had
my
son
was
to
my
wife
was
very
angry
but
on
the
outside
it
looked
great
my
first
husband
they
pretty
good
money
but
I
was
not
a
good
wife
I
was
not
a
good
mother
I
was
one
of
those
women
that
would
drop
their
kid
off
and
say
I'll
be
back
in
a
couple
hours
and
and
not
come
back
I
come
back
when
I
was
done
drinking
and
sometimes
a
B.
ten
hours
later
sometimes
it
be
a
billion
a
half
later
sometimes
only
be
an
hour
late
but
once
I
started
drinking
something
happened
where
I
had
to
keep
drinking
and
again
I
don't
I
don't
care
what
the
prices
I
have
to
pay
that
I
just
don't
care
and
that's
the
point
I
got
to
I
really
don't
care
and
I
would
show
remorse
if
it
was
fitting
if
it
was
if
I
could
get
you
off
my
back
when
I
would
get
into
arguments
with
Steve
who
is
my
first
husband
about
my
drinking
and
stuff
and
come
home
be
a
good
wife
this
isn't
what
I
signed
up
for
you
know
I
do
whatever
I
had
to
do
to
appease
town
so
I
could
go
out
and
and
do
what
I
wanted
to
do
and
and
I
did
exactly
what
I
wanted
to
do
I
absolutely
did
not
consider
other
people
or
the
harm
I
was
causing
him
or
myself
at
all
that's
that's
not
a
nice
person
and
for
a
long
time
I
had
this
delusion
that
I
was
a
nice
person
that
was
a
good
person
and
I'm
not
left
on
my
own
steam
I
am
not
a
kind
person
at
all
I
will
be
like
the
tornado
like
a
book
talks
about
running
see
life
as
a
matter
of
fact
when
I
went
to
go
make
amends
to
hound
he
told
me
he
goes
around
that
for
years
I
was
with
you
were
the
worst
four
years
of
my
life
it's
not
a
stunning
recommendations
you
know
what
I
mean
we
do
run
through
people's
lives
interests
and
create
all
kinds
of
damage
and
then
completely
arrogant
about
it
I
get
over
it
get
over
and
I
really
used
to
feel
that
way
and
think
that
we
get
over
it
I've
been
appropriately
sorry
I've
been
appropriately
remorseful
get
over
and
getting
mad
at
you
for
stepping
that
it
may
yeah
as
I
wrote
of
you
know
renew
in
the
coming
there
it's
like
I
have
been
to
all
three
months
and
they're
still
not
there
Dr
you
know
we're
sitting
with
that
stuff
and
I
mean
it
took
five
years
before
my
mom
I
think
really
believed
that
I
was
sober
and
not
going
to
take
something
from
her
seven
that's
been
incredible
demonstration
in
my
in
my
family
seven
when
I
got
here
I
was
really
railing
and
I
got
a
sponsor
I
told
you
about
that
last
night
she
got
better
and
then
I
got
another
gal
who
ended
up
not
being
an
alcoholic
she
ended
up
leaving
Alcoholics
Anonymous
her
name
was
Joanne
she
was
just
having
a
rough
patch
and
she
came
into
and
here
are
just
a
small
suicide
attempt
and
with
some
booze
involved
when
she
returned
she
was
marvelous
she's
just
having
a
rough
patch
but
she
was
in
a
hurry
and
run
around
and
and
she
sponsored
me
for
around
I
called
her
every
day
and
I
thought
she
was
an
alcoholic
because
she
told
me
she
was
and
and
you
know
she
took
me
through
the
steps
at
a
Hazleton
about
nine
months
sober
I
lost
my
mind
I
started
bouncing
off
the
walls
really
really
bad
and
and
I
had
left
Steve
wants
our
server
rep
I
left
my
first
husband
I
left
him
and
started
doing
some
construction
work
in
cleaning
houses
and
stuff
I
don't
know
anything
about
live
and
in
the
world
that
I
did
not
of
pay
bills
do
a
check
book
in
itself
because
I
always
found
somebody
to
take
care
of
me
so
I
didn't
know
anything
about
that
like
paying
rent
and
painted
on
time
you
get
in
trouble
if
you
don't
that
kind
of
stuff
that
I
have
to
actually
be
responsible
for
a
car
making
sure
it's
legal
I
have
no
clue
about
that
stuff
happy
to
report
that
my
car
is
completely
legal
today
off
speeding
tickets
have
been
paid
for
rent
for
a
long
time
I
mean
nothing
was
loose
I
didn't
pay
my
tickets
when
I
left
California
and
I
and
I
this
was
sober
before
well
my
friend
in
North
Carolina
cars
and
I
am
so
dryly
I'm
server
but
on
dry
so
dry
when
I
left
California
on
a
server
for
that
sweet
a
half
years
I
think
I've
thirteen
warrants
out
for
my
arrest
when
I
left
that
I
had
racked
up
stark
raving
sober
and
just
not
paying
attention
the
rules
are
applied
to
me
you
know
I
just
thought
for
keep
up
right
now
but
after
that
time
this
morning
like
here's
a
story
for
the
trouble
restoring
restoring
so
I
have
said
Rep
Stephen
I'm
learning
how
to
live
and
learn
how
to
work
a
little
bit
I'm
not
very
good
at
it
at
all
I'm
not
very
good
at
showing
up
on
time
still
not
really
good
at
being
where
I'm
supposed
to
be
when
I
say
I'm
going
to
be
there
a
lot
of
times
I
don't
feel
like
working
so
I
jumped
you
might
get
a
call
from
the
might
not
I
bet
it's
going
to
a
meeting
and
wanted
to
be
here
you
know
and
and
sometimes
you
know
sometimes
I
forget
when
I'm
working
with
new
people
on
it
talks
about
us
in
in
our
pockets
and
one
of
the
practices
that
we
are
very
well
when
we
get
here
very
sick
people
I
mean
I
don't
know
anybody
comes
into
a
a
on
a
winning
streak
in
now
and
there
is
not
known
as
an
emotional
and
mental
hot
bed
of
great
mental
health
you
know
what
I'm
saying
so
the
only
good
here
we
we
read
our
we're
sick
people
and
you
know
to
be
compassionate
and
to
remember
so
so
I'm
nine
months
sober
and
I'm
starting
to
go
a
little
mad
at
and
trash
are
going
to
this
big
Burke
mean
called
that
first
initial
and
take
got
started
they
they
were
big
Brooks
Thompson
and
I
was
good
stuff
it
was
great
you
know
I
had
no
idea
that
how
it
works
was
in
the
book
I've
heard
it
read
in
meetings
for
years
have
no
clue
and
if
you
want
to
hide
some
from
a
drunk
stick
in
the
big
book
great
slash
plasterwork
and
not
a
clue
Sir
is
a
real
it
was
magic
for
me
because
I
started
to
I
was
like
oh
my
god
there's
directions
in
here
the
first
directions
I
discovered
in
the
bill
Brock
with
eleven
step
directions
and
I
started
practicing
those
and
I
just
had
a
blast
I
just
had
a
great
time
and
I
and
I
kind
of
spiritual
experience
writing
kind
I
did
I
will
go
up
a
little
bit
Burford
where
god
was
very
nebulous
and
psyche
that
guy
guy
whatever
I
pray
because
you
tell
me
to
I
had
an
experience
and
it
was
like
god
is
here
you
know
it's
like
a
blank
in
science
like
I
broke
up
inside
that
there
was
something
going
on
here
got
excited
about
a
A.
garc
cited
that
there
is
these
directions
in
their
and
I
just
started
on
that
path
and
being
a
member
of
that
home
group
and
I
had
a
bad
time
to
ride
switch
sponsors
again
because
Joanne
and
gone
out
and
that
sponsorship
line
that
I
was
in
was
very
very
big
on
commitment
and
that's
where
I
really
started
to
learn
about
respect
for
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
being
committed
in
a
that's
when
those
ideas
started
being
introduced
to
me
and
I
live
fully
surrender
to
those
because
they
were
a
tad
inconvenient
but
I
started
to
hear
that
message
and
was
held
somewhat
accountable
to
that
stuff
so
I'm
I'm
gone
along
in
in
sobriety
and
of
course
I've
gotten
into
a
relationship
and
he's
the
one
I
am
absolutely
graduate
we've
been
on
you
know
to
drones
we
slept
together
of
course
and
Dr
there
was
a
bad
you
can
he
understands
and
I
think
I
would
said
to
my
sponsor
time
Nancy
I
know
it's
god's
willing
no
god
strict
because
we
just
and
I
and
I've
never
had
sex
like
that
before
yeah
if
and
I
mean
yeah
I
mean
I'm
sure
she
was
like
yeah
whatever
and
then
I'm
glad
that
nobody
can
see
that
on
tape
but
I
just
don't
believe
it
should
have
been
around
so
she
was
laughing
you
know
it's
funny
but
we
know
we
really
believe
that
you
know
we
really
believe
that
this
is
Scott
hello
and
so
I
ran
to
this
relationship
and
and
I
was
insane
of
course
who
moved
in
with
each
other
right
away
you
know
with
that
joke
with
you
get
to
alcoholics
to
grab
her
you
know
at
the
end
of
the
first
eighty
seven
rights
prior
to
your
pack
up
the
U.
haul
you
know
and
then
we
packed
up
the
U.
haul
and
in
fact
home
living
with
his
mom
and
and
I've
tried
to
read
about
a
move
could
barely
pay
rand
said
it
was
just
it
was
crazy
was
insane
but
I
made
it
seem
like
a
great
idea
at
the
time
and
Brandon
armored
different
I
I
would
you
know
I
listen
to
other
people's
experience
and
then
I
listen
to
my
sponsors
experience
and
eight
I'm
different
and
I
would
just
I
remember
thinking
that
I
am
different
richer
saying
does
not
apply
to
me
I'm
going
to
do
it
different
I'm
listening
to
all
the
mistakes
you
made
I'm
not
getting
that
I'm
gonna
do
it
different
because
this
is
true
love
true
love
and
I'm
sorry
in
Iraq
disaster
disaster
ensues
why
because
I
have
a
relationship
with
god
it's
brand
new
it's
just
a
baby
just
a
baby
relationship
and
of
course
this
man
becomes
my
higher
power
you
know
when
I
start
worshipping
at
the
altar
of
Alex
and
gets
very
sick
I
start
missing
out
on
my
commitments
in
a
start
getting
into
arguments
so
I
don't
I
don't
go
to
the
meeting
I
don't
talk
to
that
new
girl
because
we're
arguing
that's
more
important
we
get
this
thing
resolved
which
and
it
never
never
got
resolved
that
way
after
so
just
read
over
Iraq
just
crazy
time
you
know
and
then
you
know
the
big
dramatic
break
apps
well
I'm
gonna
go
find
some
strange
because
I'm
mad
at
you
if
I
want
to
retaliate
sorry
go
back
to
what
I
know
I'll
just
go
find
me
a
new
boyfriend
that'll
show
you
and
I
might
do
it
you
can
catch
me
and
I
might
not
you
know
wanna
keep
you
off
balance
so
you
never
know
really
what's
going
on
because
that's
how
I
like
to
maintain
control
and
this
is
insane
and
and
and
and
and
having
a
hard
time
working
and
you
know
because
that
becomes
paramount
in
my
life
that
becomes
the
all
important
thing
so
I
hit
around
three
years
it's
another
break
up
it's
nasty
exactly
and
I
just
said
I
had
a
another
bottom
and
in
may
M.
and
it
was
good
it's
the
most
painful
thing
I've
ever
gone
through
in
sobriety
and
it
took
me
R.
while
sometimes
even
hate
to
talk
about
how
long
it
took
me
to
come
out
of
that
and
then
a
lot
of
the
reason
why
is
because
I
added
to
it
by
the
bucket
load
but
it
was
the
turning
point
in
my
sobriety
and
I
am
forever
grateful
for
all
that
stuff
that
went
down
at
that
time
so
at
that
time
the
sponsorship
that
I
was
then
involved
in
was
about
a
meeting
every
day
didn't
really
do
the
big
book
it
was
about
go
find
a
new
drunk
and
Kerry
into
a
meeting
and
write
me
a
letter
once
we
can
let
me
know
what's
going
on
and
I
restarted
stealing
and
earnest
again
I
started
going
to
work
and
say
I
was
I
was
working
for
a
film
producer
at
the
time
and
I
said
well
I'm
gonna
go
into
DC
and
make
some
calls
on
some
perspective
clients
he
did
corporate
films
and
stuff
you
know
try
to
find
some
and
and
then
I
just
go
home
and
get
bad
not
gonna
work
and
I
talked
about
that
a
little
bit
last
night
I
stylishly
stopped
working
could
work
everybody
in
AA
that
I
knew
my
behavior
became
so
bizarre
that
they
were
literally
I
was
disowned
by
everyone
I
knew
in
a
you
know
stay
away
from
me
I
Sir
getting
my
anger
started
showing
up
in
earnest
small
anger
problem
small
I
wasn't
welcome
at
the
the
rainbow
center
the
server
center
but
it
is
a
replica
it
was
really
painful
time
you
know
and
he
had
left
and
she
had
started
dating
someone
else
all
right
now
that's
a
bad
one
so
what's
my
what's
her
natural
response
I
will
stalk
you
so
you
know
hi
added
to
that
with
you
know
by
hiding
behind
bushes
and
underneath
cars
vandalizing
his
things
and
scaring
him
I
mean
and
and
he
just
told
me
later
he's
like
you
know
I
was
afraid
he
was
I
don't
know
what
you're
gonna
do
here
is
it
was
terrifying
I
didn't
know
what
you
were
going
to
do
what
you
were
capable
of
doing
you
were
so
weird
I
mean
I
had
like
a
bad
vibes
coming
off
of
me
I'm
going
to
the
meetings
were
him
and
the
girl
were
and
I
just
like
stare
hate
you
now
and
and
hope
that
they
were
feeling
you
have
because
I've
been
wrong
didn't
and
I
was
very
proud
person
I
was
like
a
crazy
person
and
then
he
rose
the
angel
how
much
your
are
wrong
and
I
want
to
show
on
whatever
you
know
whatever
I
want
to
prove
to
them
to
everybody
in
a
way
that
he
was
bad
you
know
and
I
was
the
victim
and
how
can
you
not
do
this
to
me
I
just
it
was
just
crazy
and
then
I
met
Camille
and
and
remember
the
woman
said
my
life
if
if
I
had
never
met
her
I
know
I'd
be
drunk
or
dead
no
question
in
my
mind
no
question
because
that's
where
I
was
headed
they
are
very
angry
and
very
angry
with
god
I
didn't
understand
while
that
was
happening
to
me
I
thought
god
was
punishing
me
I
thought
the
day
didn't
work
at
all
you
guys
are
a
bunch
of
hypocrites
but
you
guys
didn't
walk
which
you
talked
that
I
was
in
real
trouble
and
you
were
helping
me
you're
just
standing
back
there
judging
me
and
I
was
in
real
trouble
and
I
tried
Camille
likes
the
crazy
ones
I
guess
because
she
just
scooped
me
up
and
that
should
impact
me
on
the
two
tier
anything
she
told
me
you
know
you're
going
to
die
we're
in
real
trouble
and
now
with
their
summer
work
there
we
gotta
do
here
so
I
I
became
willing
to
do
it
she
asked
me
to
do
and
and
she
laid
it
out
clearly
that