Steps 4-12 at the Into Action Convention "Our Primary Purpose" in Stockholm, Sweden

You all about ready?

Yes, my name is Chris Ramer, recovered alcoholic.

We're going to slam through this, some of these others understanding it later this afternoon. We're going to do a little Q&A. So if we don't kind of flesh it out enough for you and you want to ask questions, if y'all write those down, we'll you don't have to hand them to us. Just ask them this afternoon and we can we can get to that. Y'all ask some great questions. Real quick, earlier made a comment about Nancy Reagan. I probably shouldn't have been. I apologize for doing that.

I still like her, but I apologize for doing it was unnecessary.

That's what I was talking about last night. I am absolutely capable at 21 years of sobriety of making a complete fool of myself. So there you go,

my friend in

up in Dallas. Buddy of mine what is my first sponsor as a matter of fact, guy named Don Smith. He wrote me a deal the other day. He says whenever a door is closed, another is opened, but it is hell in the hallway.

Now I guess that's pretty good and this is one of the reasons that we want to get on with this as quick as possible. To assume that just because you had

18 months to sit and bask in the sunlight of the spirit before you did the work as assumes that the other guy is going to be able to do the same thing. And you know, alcoholism, let's all remember that this is progressive in nature and it progresses differently in different people. I had about a 19 year period where I was in corporate America and I was what we would call a functioning alcoholic. I wouldn't go into jail. I wouldn't rob a liquor stores or anything. I've we sponsor people that have people at our hospital who are like 50 years old, sixty years old, and it's only been

last few years that they've really developed the symptoms of alcoholism And on retirement, sometimes it brings it out. And we've got some poor little 1819 year old kids in there that, you know, have drank three times and I have 3 DWI. Just like it's not a good thing. They never, they never got to enjoy their drinking and drugging like some of us got to, you know, I'm sorry, but is this progressive? We, we can't tell by looking at you how far it's progressed. So we have to assume that we need to get this pretty hard. It's like triage. So we got to get you connected spiritually as quick as possible.

And that's, that's our only goal is to get you connected spiritually. Y'all agree? In the process, we've not be able to help you with lots of other stuff and and our friendship may grow, but ultimately as a sponsor, I've got two responsibilities. I got one, I got to get you connected spiritually and two, after that I got to hold you. There's some accountability involved. And that's why if I see you acting goofy in a meeting, I'm going to try to help you get back on track. It's not. We're going to talk a little bit more about that in in the 12 step stuff,

a program, spiritual in nature, folks,

We do a third step prayer. We get up our knees. The book says next we launched down on the course of vigorous actions. The next paragraph after the third step, the vigorous action, of course, is let's the rest of the the work. If you've had a first step, the first step tension will propel you on through the work as quick as possible.

Some of us find some relief after we do a third step prayer, but that's not the time to sit on our butts. What we want to do now is use the power that we get from that and propel us on through what some considered to be the most difficult part of this program. And that's this little inventory problem. It's difficult because everybody wants to make it complicated. You know, you go into an A, a meeting anywhere in the world and say I'm working on a four step and everybody in the whole place just

almost in unison. You know, it's like not bad.

And it's like if that's your reaction, it could possibly be that you're doing a four step incorrectly. A fourth step is not

isn't it's a fact finding mission. It's an inventory. It is not therapy. It is not something where we're going to have to go and live relive the past. I get quite with God. I get up off my knees. I do a third step prayer and I get up and I get the little notebook and I start remaking the list of the people, institutions and principals I'm pissed that you'll follow. That's as simple as that. And it's like I don't I say a little Paris is God. Show me who I'm cranky with. Show me who's blocking me. And it's like this little guy right over here. He may have

he may have 20 names on there that he's just livid about it. Pissed by this guy over here. May have 200 I Either way,

you're doing a good job. You're doing a good job. Just some of us learn to deal with this more than others. Treatment centers on the ones notorious about wanting to drag this on. We want you to work on your treatment you under your force step for how much longer you got left Three weeks, 3 weeks. We want you to work with four. Seven is like, buddy, if it's taking you longer than about 3 days to do this, you really are making a big deal out of nothing.

This is just the truth. But this is not, I write down all of my life story. I understand, but you're taking it out of context. I don't want to do that because then I can't see the truth. If I'm going to take an inventory of the coffee supplies over here, I don't want to take two weeks to do it. I just need to know how much damn coffee and sugar of cream have I got period. And then it's done. This is what we're trying to do. We make it too complicated. Sit down and make a say God, show me the people and I write a list. I can't think when the names stop coming. You're done with that inventory.

Move on. Y'all follow. No wonder you stay all freaked out working on this 4th. What do you? I'm trying to think of the people. I'm pissed at you. How are you going to drag this out?

And let me tell you this, if you haven't fought of this person in 20 years, you're not pissed at this person. There's some evil bastards out there. But if you haven't given them a second thought in 20 years, why are you even bothering to write them down on this inventory? I want current. I would rather see you guys get current, get the 10 most wanted out of the way and get recovered from it. There's plenty of time. Do another one. If you think of a bunch more later on down the road, you can do that too. But remember, this is the stuff that's blocking you,

sunlight of spirit. So let's get on with it. This idea we again, fostered in treatment is a person with the most names is the one that does the most thorough inventory. It's just ridiculous. I'm going to put the little knuckleheads name in the first column. Second column, I'm going to look at why I'm pissed at that person. I'm going to get really specific. If you lie in the second column, you're going to be lost. In the fourth column

you follow. You can't base this on any kind of life. She was never there for me. That's a lie

will Lord do you we have he that's a lie to get that part

if if the truth is often when I needed her, she wasn't there. You follow it's a little different. You can't lie.

They were the police. It's always on everybody's inventory. They were always against me. Come on. That's so not true. That's just so get specific. Second column, third column. We're going to look at how this affected us guys, there's the book I can show you in there. We get we got forms. We can give you this. This is thousands of ways to do this and everybody's got their own little version. Again, I don't care. I I've got an 82 page four step guide on my desk. Oh my gosh, Can you imagine coming in the shape that some of us came in and somebody

82 page guide down? I just like,

I just seem to be dead. And it's so simple. I look at the areas of my life that are affected myself, esteem, my pride, my pocketbook, my seculations, blah, blah. There's seven areas on the pages and you, just you, you, you list those in the third column. What, what part of my life is being affected by these little, these little ridiculous resentments? Now look at the third column. Excuse me, the 4th. You can extend it or whatever, but the 4th column is quite simple. It's my part, my, my mistakes. The way the book puts it. I'm going to look at three areas

combine them, the fearfulness, dishonesty and selfishness what Myers was talking about and in every area I've got one or all three of those areas going on. Does that make sense? Some of you that have done many four steps. This is is all makes perk. It's it's the ones that haven't accomplished it yet That gets a little confusing. But any amends any excuse me resentment that I have. I play a little part in everybody thinks that it means that I I'm responsible for the problem. That's not true.

It's just that if I can see a piece,

this guy hurt me and his piece is this big and for 20 years I've kept it alive.

That's my piece. And if I can see my piece, I can get free from it. Makes sense. If I remain a victim, I will not stay sober. Folks, victims don't get sober. Victimized people get sober every day. Lot guys is not a person in this room that hasn't been hurt in some form or fashion, and some of you brutally. That's big. But if you can see your part in it, you can get past it.

And some of you guys, I know that this childhood of origin stuff, you want to get tweaky about that, buddy, I'm going to just tell you point blank, if you've been trying to deal with this yourself or all of these years, that's your part,

that your lack of honesty around it. You're, you're absorbing more responsibility than you needed to is your part in this deal. And a good sponsor in a fifth step is going to point that out and we're going to move on. There's no big deals in this 4th and 5th step, folks. I know we make it out to be everybody thinks this is about confession and a fifth step. It's not.

This is a fact. Finding inventory you'll follow. Confession is a part of it. But if confession was the whole point of this, then the Catholics would all be sober. I mean, we would have not have a problem with that.

I do a little four column inventory resentments. I do a little two column fear inventory. Simple list the fear. Why you got it, guys? I've seen 8 column fear inventories. Man, if you've got time to do that, rock on. But I just, the book asked me what's the fear and why do you think you got it? I do a little sex inventory. Sex inventory has got nothing to do with sex. It's got to do with how I treated the opposite sex with me, my relationships with women, how do I treat them? There's areas that we need to look at.

Where did I unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion and bitterness? You guys think anyone of you women in here did a fist that four step the way it was supposed to be? I could sit down and listen to your 5th step and never even blush

because we're not going to talk specifics. We're talking how I treated the opposite sex. And I still do it today. As a married man, I still have to look at how I treat women. Make sense? My little offhand comment about your shoes might have been very clever on my part, might have offended you. And I have to pay attention to watch my little mouth. It always gets me in trouble. That makes sense.

Great boots, by the way.

Rock on.

I know forever the flirt. I don't know whatever

got this 4th step, I get it knocked out when I do a third step with a gun. One of the guys I'm sponsored, I'm giving these guys because I'm so magnanimous. I'm giving them one week, one week to finish a fourth step because we're not going to mess with this. If you're taking longer than a week, then you obviously don't think you're dying of a fatal illness. You with us. You walked in begging for help. I need to get well now. And now you want three months to do a fifth step? I'm a fourth step. It ain't going to happen. Not with me. If you can't get this thing done in a week, it means that you're not

feeling the same sense of urgency and feeling for you. Makes sense? Let's get this thing done.

Here's what I always hear afterwards when I got to AA. I know, I know, I know. Listen, if the guy sitting in the meeting detoxing, we're going to take it a little slower. If the guy is just a little fried pie, we're going to go a little bit different route. Maybe I have to sit and help him ride it. That's okay too. But in no circumstances are we going to take a long period of time to do this. If you're sitting in this program and you're taking months to do a four step, then you have not had a first step experience. You need to go back to first step and get some urgency amongst you and let's get on down the road with it.

We done, we set some time and we do a fifth step. This steps historically with me take about two to three hours.

First time through, maybe 3-4 hours. You follow because we're not going to talk about everything because I'm not a therapist and I'm not going to comment on everything that you say. I'm there to keep you honest. If you can see your part in the fourth column, we're going to move on to the next next, next you with us, same name faces change the same thing. You do it over and over. You did it with the women, you did it with the jobs, same stuff. It goes pretty fast and gets me quite comical. Next, next. And you just it's it's a hoot when you start seeing the truth.

Oh my gosh, I'm not a victim. I'm a damn volunteer

and you and you come out of the experience with a big smile. No one think this guys, that's the best news I can tell you. If you think this is about somebody else, we're we, we put the news around your neck. You know, if I want to get sober, I'm going to look at my stuff and I can get free because it's all about you and what you're willing to do. You're with us. Some of you guys in this room right now are waiting for people to come up out of the grave to apologize to you for bad stuff that's happened. Let me be the first to break this to you. It ain't going to happen.

The best news I can give you is let's just do this together. You'll with us. That's that's the bottom line. Mara's going to flesh out some of this other

yeah.

Well, well,

let me ask you this question.

You guys that are sponsoring you guys and gals that are sponsoring when, um,

the last woman or the last man that asked you to sponsor him, what was the first thing that you thought of when they asked you to sponsor? I bet you the very first thing that you thought of was, oh crap, there's another eight hour inventory I'm going to have to do. I bet you did is one reason why a lot of us hold sponsorship at some distance. Because I think in my head I've got it built up that it's going to be this immense nasty.

I'm just going to have to stay glued to this little cat forever and ever and it's just going to be ugly

and I and it's not true. And you'll find as you go through this stuff that you're not doing them any service by doing that, by staying that connected with them.

The

my experience early in AAA was just what Chris was talking about was that, that my inventories, my own personal inventory one time took us 7 hours to do. And you know what, when I look back at it, based on what I know now, if your inventories are going that long, what you're doing is, is letting the guy that you're listening to talk too much about. What usually happens is he's spending a bunch of time trying to

make excuses for all the crap that he did.

He's trying to validate all the BS and it's not necessary. When guys get in there, when the guys get in there, they want to tell me a 30 minute story about why they got pulled over by the police. I don't stop. I don't care. It's not important here. It, it has nothing to do with why we're doing this. What I want to know is, is that do you see and understand why you were pulled over? Yes. Next, let's go on. This is not we don't need to know all the stuff if we were doing a commercial inventory in a store,

the fact that the milk is sour and we can't sell it. That's all we need to know milk sour next. I don't need to know why the milk sour it may you understand what I'm saying. It doesn't mean anything to the inventory and it just takes time. I like Chris got this thing kind of pared down. And as you sponsor more and more men, you'll you'll find out that

that they're much more effective. Sitting there for two hours of intense conversation with a man as he talks about this stuff is much more rewarding

than sitting there through an 8 hour marathon. Listen to him run his gap and make excuses why he did all that crazy stuff. You see, you'll see.

We want to be thorough, but there's a big difference in this stuff in the States. It's gotten ridiculous how long people are taking to do inventories and stuff. Guys, waiting a year to do it. It's a crazy thing. Christmas had alluded to it a minute ago. I thought, I always think this is kind of funny. We have a spiritual program of action that's guaranteed to send you to a place that you've never been before.

You're going to be rocketed into a place you didn't even know existed, but I want you to take a couple of years to get it. I don't understand. That's what we're telegraphing to the guys that were here. There's a spiritual awakening that's waiting for you right there, and we need to get you there as quickly as we possibly can. And we can. Most of the time it's the sponsor standing in the way of the guy. You're motivated.

We just need to kind of step back a little bit and let these guys go on and let the momentum of the pain and suffering

of this, of this alcoholism shoot them on through this work. It's the coolest thing in the world. If a guy gets up off his knees after doing a third step like Chris talked about and wants to wait to do the inventory. Let me tell you what's happened.

What's happened is, is that that your man or your woman now thinks she has some power.

She she see lack of power is the dilemma

and this is where we don't want this guy to be. If I make any excuse at all why I don't need to do this inventory right now, right this instant, it's because I think I have some power to make the decision whether or not I will drink or will not drink. And that's a dangerous, dangerous place to be. Take it. Draw the analogy back to something physical that scares us. How about cancer? Is there anybody in here, guys, anybody in here that if I told you, if there was a physician sitting right down here, Carlos is a physician,

he's going to say. He's going to say, OK, I hate to tell you guys this, but all you guys have cancer. Everybody in this room would be devastated. Wouldn't you? Would you be fearful? Wouldn't you be? You bet. And if somebody's told you that already, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

And if Carlos said, OK, the course of action is, is that Monday morning, I want you guys at this clinic down there on Elm Street. I want you there at 8:00 and we're going to start your chemo.

Would there be any of you in here that wouldn't be down there at 8:00, Would there?

No. Every, I hell, half of you would be there at 6:00 AM waiting. Open, open, open. Come on. Come on. You, you. There's no way you would put this off because you don't trivialize cancer. It's a death sentence for a lot of us. And yet alcoholism kills more people than all the cancers combined in all of its manifestations. And our families and our employer and everybody that comes in contact with us, they're all affected by it. And yet we

I realize it because I'm clear of the booze for 30 days. I'm bulletproof. You see what I'm saying? You see why this stuff is so insidious, why it's so, why it's so dangerous for us? Because my mind is going to sell me this idea that I am indeed clear of it and the problem doesn't exist. I can do this later on. No, you can.

So imagine if you will,

you've done this inventory

and you get up and you're a little bit, you're relieved that you got it done. There is some joy in the fact that you've got it done and you're at a place of sort of an elite little place here because you've managed to do what a lot of people in a a never did an inventory. We think everybody does them, but the reality worldwide is that most people don't.

Most people come, sit, visit meeting makers, make it. They're going to 1000 meetings, but they're not doing the work. But now you have and that's a cool place to be.

And as we look at this, that the book tells us on page 75, it says, it says that that we go, we go home and we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour. We sit there and we look at this stuff and they're setting it up. They're, they're kind of setting the stage for step 6:00 and 7:00.

It's a hugely emotional and hugely reflective time. It's an hour to look at the 1st 5 proposals. We look at the book and we ask ourselves and ask yourself the questions, guys, am I clear about my alcoholism? It's either a or if it's an, uh, you're going to call me and we're going to talk about it. So you're going to go, yeah, I'm clear. Step 2 step. Is there something out there that can fix this? Yeah. Do I understand what that is? No, maybe not yet,

but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We all want a formed idea, but it's not important yet. What's important is that we're just willing to accept the idea that there's something out there, and then we go through the rest of the stuff and we look at it. If we're there and we're okay, then we can spend the rest of this hour in contemplation and reflection.

And then in those steps they ask us to look at

is the, the character defects that we've uncovered. Any of you guys ever go to Sunday school and, and, and maybe you, maybe there's a prayer, maybe you get up in the morning and go, well, God, I, I just want to be a better man. Sometimes I think I, I think I sense God sitting back there scratching his head going, what does that mean? Myers, You want to be a better man?

It's it's like it's this, this vague, kind of nebulous

thing. Wouldn't it be better? And I think This is why this AAA stuff is so effective in clearing up these areas of our life is that now I'm going to God in this hour that I'm spending there in six and seven, and I'm going to guide and I'm saying, God, I see through this inventory that I am selfish and self-centered, that I am dishonest, that I am arrogant,

that I am prideful, that I am defiant, that I am all of these things that we uncovered that we see in this inventory. These are the things specifically

that we're asking God to remove unless we just like being selfish pricks. I mean, if that's the case, we don't ask for it. I mean, but if you, but if you're ready to be done with that, if you're ready, then then ask God to remove these things and he will. And it's the coolest, coolest experience. Doctor Bob said that step six and seven was the stuff that separated the men from the boys.

And I, I'm inclined to agree, Sitting in a meeting with those things up on the wall,

you know, the little lampshade things, You know, we read that and we think, oh, yeah, OK, I did that. I did that. I did. When we just kind of blow through this stuff, this is where life begins to change in a way that's hugely tangible.

And once we're done with that hour, I can tell you from a, this is a personal opinion. This isn't just over the years of observing guys is that a lot of times over the next three or four days after you do this inventory and after you do step 6:00 and 7:00, there's a period of kind of

some confusion in your head. Some guys experience some malaise kind of a, it's not really depression, it's just kind of a, I don't know. And so I was talking to a guy one time that he said that from a scientific standpoint, that what may be happening is, is that your body physically is rearranging itself, your mind is rearranging itself and it, there's some physical stuff. And he went into some detail. I won't bore you with it because I never really understood it either, but it made sense. It made sense what he was

talking about. After a couple of days. Most of these guys are like really plugged in and ready to go on with the with the whole deal.

Because what this does is it slides us into 8-9, the amends portion of this thing. I've had more questions since I've been here in Sweden. I've had more questions about amends than any other question that there is out there. And we're going to answer some now and we're going to answer some this afternoon specifically about this stuff. But but what I want you to do is look at the contrast between two ways of doing this stuff.

If I try to make the amends process, if I approach that process of making a list and then making the amends, and I do it from a point of no power, I've not done inventory. I've not done this work in six and seven. It's the craziest thing you've ever done in your whole life. Some of you have done that. Have you ever made an amends and you didn't feel like making the amends and you didn't feel anything and you just walked in and said, well, I'm sorry

or something equally as goofy. And then if the people that you're making the amends to are looking at, you're going. You sure are.

And they just leave. I mean, it's the and then later you have to go back and clear that stuff up. And so it's interesting if you'll look at it, some of you guys that have experienced this stuff to walk up from a powerful six and 7th step knowing that you're filled with stuff that wasn't there before. A new humbleness and a new understanding of my own selfishness and self centeredness.

If we can. If we can see that

and then walk in and approach somebody more directly like this.

Listen, Slick, I I know that I treated you shabbily. I know I've treated you with disrespect.

You deserve much, much better. Is there anything I can do to make an amends for the way I treated you? Now See how much better that sounds then? Well, I'm sorry, I mean, it's just two distinctly different deals. I'm not pointing a finger at this guy at all, although he was. He played a part in this nightmare that was our relationship. He did. But I'm not there to judge him. I'm simply there to understand that that debacle was created because I'm clear on it now. My problem with this man right here

was because of our misunderstanding was because I was insisting that he do things and see things my way based on self. I put myself in a position to be heard. My insistence that he do things my way is what harmed us. That's the reason we're not friends anymore.

And when I can walk in and say, you know what? I'm a selfish, arrogant prick and I see it and I don't want to be there anymore, can you forgive me ever for what I did to you? And he'll go,

yeah, yeah, it's a curious thing. Sometimes we look at the immense process as A1 sided deal, I'm clearing up my stuff and I'm going to go make an amends to this man. But we, we, we forget that in this same situation,

the man that we're going to go see may have been hurting immensely too. He may be in, he may have been struggling with this thing for years too. And here is an opportunity for God to be in the center of a, of a situation and to heal both sides of that equation. How many of you, how many of you guys and gals have made amends where you, you made the amends and then you walked out and you thought maybe you were making amends to a different person because they were different too. You ever experienced that

in your head? For years you thought they were a jerk. You thought they were just Satan Incarnate and you hated the idea of going to make the amends to them. And yet when you walked in, instead of seeing this nasty, vile person there, you saw this meek little gentleman that was sitting there like this. And he just kind of looked at you and he said, I'm glad to see you. And you had a nice conversation

and then you walk down.

You cannot deny the power and presence of a loving God and experience that kind of experience. You can't do it because there's no other reason for it. There's no other way that that kind of damage over the years can heal.

I just, some of you got, it's like, it's like sex. It's like if I try to explain to you about sex, if I tried to tell you what it was like, I might do a pretty good job of explaining it, but you would never understand until you did it. And then you go, oh, that's what that skinny kid was talking about. Now I understand. Well, it's the same kind of thing around this immense deal. I can tell you what it's like,

but until you have gone to an to an amends to to

in that process and and done it with the idea of trying to fix what you did

instead of justice, trying to go make yourself feel better.

I'm gonna read you real, real quick thing here, and then I'll

let Chris do this

because we got to move pretty quick through that, through this deal like this on page seven, top of page 77 in our book,

at the top of page 77, there's a line here. I'll just read this to you like this. This is talking about the immense process and it says that we're trying to put our lives in order. And then it says, but this is not an end in itself. A real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God in the people about us.

If I have 10 people that I have on my inventory and people that I have harmed,

would making an amends to them make me feel better? Of course it would. Of course it would.

But for a lot of us, that's the only motivation that we have to make the amends. And the literature doesn't say that. Our book tells us that the real reason that we're making the amends as to what to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. If I have a sea of refuse out there. If I have a sea of people that I have stepped on and harm

and I have not made amends to them, I cannot be effective. I cannot be used by God in a way that's going to be truly effective. I simply must clean it up so that I can stand in full grace of the sunlight of the Spirit and then I can be effective.

And if you've ever experienced it from both sides of this deal on me, it's just there are two reasons to make an amends. 1 is what I just described so that we can be clear and we could be okay with the God of our understanding. And the other reason on a much more tangible level is so that we're not phonies anymore. We're not hypocrites. You ever know anybody in a a that you know, still has unresolved amends that they've never made and never addressed and they're sitting in meetings

pontificating about stuff.

They're up there just, you know, preaching on all this other years. You're looking at it like this and you know they're a phony and they know they're a phony deep down inside in the middle of the night looking at the ceiling. They know they're a phony too. And we all live with that. We all. But it's that kind of hypocrisy that makes us ineffective with the new guy. We think we've got the new guy snowed. We think that this brand new guy in here like this, he he'll never see through me. He'll see me as a spiritual giant. And that's the way we'll keep that.

I got to tell you, these new little guys see everything. They're like kids. If you if you have any kids at home, they know everything. Mommy and I are fine.

Yeah, right. These little bitty kids are going. Yeah, right. Yeah. You always yell at each other like that. The new guy knows BS when he hears it. And he knows. And I, and it's it's the damnedest thing you've ever seen in your life. The new guy can spot a phony so fast that it's not even funny. This should be great motivation. If you have unresolved issues of your life, unresolved amends, get straight with it. Come on, man up. Grab those old cojones and just go do it. And see what

you will be blown away.

Chris Framer, recovered alcoholic.

I say that for the guys on the CD because I think it's the same person talking. I want to make sure, you know, keep it separate.

What a Dick.

Big controversy all over the world. Which ones? The Evil 1.

Ask ones which ones sober longer. That's the what's important

when I do a sitting there, listen to a fifth step. I got a piece of paper in front of me that looks like this. I've got it divided into two halves. I got character defect on one side and I've got eight step on the other. And is your your telling me about your fascinating life? I'm I'm jotting down a few character defects that I sense we might want to look at and I'm jotting down some people that I think you possibly owe amends to

after it's all said and done and you go get quiet with God. We're going to go to God to this list of character defects and we're going to ask God to remove it. I, I agree with what Meyer said and absolutely this just got it's two paragraphs in the big book and I appreciate everybody wanting to. I've seen day long workshops on six and seven. It's like, guys, it's it's two paragraphs and God's the one that does the work. All I got to do is make the list. I'm not sure how complicated we can make this. It ain't that big of a deal. Now follow. If I had the power to

myself, I would have done it long before I ended up in dumpsters in Houston, TX. You know, I needed God's help to do this and that's what this is about South. I got the list of the amends that I'm going to make and I sit and I write down little cards for me. I use cards. You can do it on notebook paper. The people that I owe them into and their address and their phone number and everything I know about why I'm specifically making amends because I don't want to end up like what Meyer said it in a situation where I'm trying to make amends to somebody and I really don't know why I'm making that amend. I just know that we're not OK.

That's not rubbish. I need to make amends of White. It's like the money I took from you. Yeah. How much this amount? Then I make the best deal I can. How much I can pay back, how much I can't. What I'm trying to do, guys. We can again in question and answer later this afternoon. We can get specific about some of this. There's a way to make every damn demand out there with you and God, you can make every amend there is. There's nothing that you can't make an amend for

it, just sometimes it's not the direct frontal approach

that we would all like to do. I'm trying to clean up the universe. Here's what I'm doing.

This is one girl I pissed off.

I dated a long time and

I have about 1000 of these chairs that I'm holding and I'm dragging this around non-stop with me. And it's like, why are we making such hard going of life? And it's because we're carrying around enough baggage to choke a horse. And what one of the cool things about this program is that we get degree of this stuff and I'm walking around and go over to a new girls house and hey, I'm let's go and she's welcome on in. And I said, well,

I'd like to, but I'm carrying too much baggage to get in your front door, you know, And it's like it's just affects us. And that's what we're trying to do is that every time we make an amendment, we set down little pieces of this. I hear people that I sponsor all the time after a period of time of making these amends and set in the universe straight, they go, I can't believe how free I feel you because you are free. You're not carrying all that stuff. Rap with guys. We've all made mistakes, but it's about setting the universe straight.

You'll follow what we're going with. We're trying to clean up the wreckage of our past and set the universe straight

and that's all we're trying to do in that eight ninth step. 10 step is daily spot check on a daily basis, as I just showed you. I can say something really goofy, really stupid, but I'm not going to sit there and wait. Well, I'll do another four step in six months and clean that up. Sometimes I just need to clean it up right now. How many of you guys have ever been in right in the middle of a conversation and then stopped and said, what am I doing buddy? I'm sorry and back out. That's what it's about.

Back when I was drinking and drugging, guys, maybe I could get by with some stuff.

You know, the spiritual path gets pretty narrow once you get on it, and you just can't do certain things that you used to be able to do. You can't do that anymore. You know, it doesn't mean that we're not going to do it, but you just feel really uncomfortable after you've done it. So where? And you feel justified. Well, you should have said that. I mean, I shouldn't, you know, and you can justify it. But driving home after the meeting, do you feel really ridiculous? You want to know why you feel ridiculous? Because you're ridiculous.

Stop, turn around, you go back up to the clubs and you know

dude, and you clean it up. It's like I said, eating crow is not bad, but it's better when you eat it warm.

There's there's nothing worse than cold crow. No, don't sit on it. The book says promptly. So you go back and you clean it up and that's the way you do it. Guys, this prayer and meditation business is just as simple as can be and it's not an option. Most people in a just like Maya said, do not do prayer and meditation. We do foxhole prayers. Oh God, save my ass. God, please. You know this getting quiet with God. I think I was fascinated this morning when we did that 10 minute meditation. It was this was this was an anomaly a bunch of y'all in here,

the 11th, the discipline of the 11th step. You could you knew that because you could tell because ordinarily we do like a meditation like this in a group like this and you it's noisier. You know, everybody's coughing and sniffing and scooting and scratching and just, you know, nobody can sit still. And you guys were like pins just