Workshop titled "The Big Book experience" in Dundee, Scotland

good evening my name is Scott Lee and I'm a very grateful alcoholic

wow what a fabulous weekend this is meant for me

I don't believe it's possible to give without receiving I don't believe it's possible to receive without giving I believe that spiritual law let's have a few moments of silence one more time

hi I'm asking not to read along just for information I'm on page one fifty three but don't just just listen if you would

years ago in nineteen thirty five one of our number made a journey to a certain western city

from a business standpoint his trip came off badly have you been successful in his enterprise he would've been selling his feet financially which at the time same vitally important but as venture wound up in a lawsuit and bogged down completely the proceeding was shot through with much hard feeling and controversy bitterly discouraged he found himself in a strange place discredited almost broke still physically weakened sober but a few months he saw that his predicament was dangerous he wanted so much to talk with someone about whom one dismal afternoon he paced hotel lobby wondering out his bill was to be paid at one of the rooms to the glass covered directory of local churches down the lobby a door opened on a tractor bar he could see the gay crowd inside in there he would find companionship and release unless he took some drinks he might not have the courage to scrape an acquaintance and would have a lonely weekend of course he couldn't drink but why not sit hopefully at a table a bottle of ginger ale before him after all he had he not been sober six months now

happy could handle say three drinks no more fear gripped him

he was on thin ice again it was the old insidious insanity that first drink with a shiver he turned away and walked down the lobby to the church directory music engage chatter still floated to him from the bar but what about his responsibilities his family and the man who would die because they would not know how to get well yes those other alcoholics there must be many such in this town he would phone a clergyman

his sanity returned any thank god selecting a church at random from the directory he stepped into the booth and lifted the receiver

and reached into his pocket

and pulled out a nickel

which in nineteen thirty five was the price of a telephone call and he made the call that lead him to his meeting with Dr Bob and who's to say that the nickel that you hold in your hand right this second is not the very Nicolette bill made that call with

thank you Scott

what a moments in our history

if if you're alive so hung in the balance it was me

you made a lot of trouble

I have been in the bar

but thank god for bill Wilson and thank god for his dedication to helping other alcoholics

chapter

seven working with others

this is practical experience shows that nothing so much insures immunity from drinking is intensive work with other alcoholics it works were other activities fail

I believe it works were all other activities fail

what I am absolutely insane

and I am getting close to the return of the obsession to drink

and I'm spinning in my head and my emotions are put the screws to me

reading spiritual literature doesn't seem to help and to pass that calling my sponsor doesn't seem to help because he says hearing ang ang and I mean I I can't hear him I don't know what he's saying

going to a meeting doesn't help because I can't hear I can't hear you because I'm too focused on me

the only thing that seems to help but those moments just I need something

if I can't drink that I need something else that will relieve me of the bondage of self

and that's what it says it intensive work with other alcoholics works for all of their activities failed works would pray in fails

it works we're going to meetings fails it works when calling your sponsor fails works when getting laid fails it works when buying a new car fails it works when it works when getting a raise at work fails it works for other all other activities fail

I am of the alcoholic in the bill Wilson variety

when I quit drinking I I suffer from alcoholism I am an everyday member of Alcoholics Anonymous because of the membership requirement in the long form is originally written in the third tradition which said that membership should include all who suffer from alcohol is

I do the things that I do in Alcoholics Anonymous because if I don't I begin to suffer from alcoholism

but when I suffer from alcoholism often I don't know it often it looks like I'm fine but you are really screwed up all of the sudden

and so I do certain things you know call it turns to treat that all holders of

in when Mike my first four years of sobriety I stayed sober

without really much

Morgan the step side made some efforts to do some some inventory work but it wasn't really what it talks about the book I had never I I consequently I could not carry out or even come close to being god's guy it was too wrapped up in me I I had no idea of the what was it like to carry out this decision and step three consequently I suffered from deep depressions on a regular basis even going to fifteen to twenty meetings a week doing two hospital institution meetings a week being on every comedian Alcoholics Anonymous having in calling the sponsor praying every day and I still fell into depression from time to time

and I I think I survived that period of time through a lot about a lot of it tends to work with a lot of other alcoholics it was slow study

I'm telling you for a long time I didn't have a clue why these old timers are hammering me to do service in a hammering me to go back into the detox and try to help the newer people in to go into the into the prison and go on twelve step calls I don't get it yeah I thought it was some kind of pyramid multi level marketing thing of A. A. or something you know like they're trying to the pope up their membership by getting little clones like me to go out and try to get newcomers or something I have no idea why they're pushing me to do twelve step work

but I'm doing it because I'm doing everything they asked me to do

and one one day I come home one evening I come home at night I've been to two meetings that day

I called my sponsor that day I know I prayed that day and I'm sitting on the sofa and I'm sinking into a deep depression

I don't just get depressed

I drink of my emotions like I drank liquor you know I get into it I just get in I mean I just the wall around it and I you know I just really get into it and I'm sitting on the sofa and sinking into this depression deeply pondering my life

I don't know I you know I have never deeply pondered all my life joyously I

hi I just never I have never I've never said to myself I'm just going to go think about me for a few minutes and came away feeling like happy joyous and free it's always I come away just thinking

what's the use you know it's it's always that way it is so important in my life for the more I pondered the bleaker it looks and I'm still a victim of the delusion that we talked about earlier the delusion that I can rest happiness and satisfaction of this world by managing well which you don't that means it means I think I can think my way out of the depression if you've ever tried that it's like trying to dig your way out of the hole you just go deeper and deeper and deeper and the more I ponder my life the worse it looks in no time at all I realize that the job I have is going no where how they're taking advantage of me the relationship by just broke up I'll never find another one I'm going to gripe grow old in the loan nobody's ever going to love it's just it's just you know what I mean just sinking into the you know you start imagining that doesn't matter because I probably have cancer anyway

right

that's where I go and I I didn't and you know it that's funny today but I'll tell you something when you're in the middle of that it's bad it's really bad I got so depressed so depressed that I felt like I would wait a thousand pounds can you if you could I don't know if you've never had this depression you will not understand this but I would get physically debilitated almost like I can't get off the sofa as if I just wait however as if everything is saying he

it's horrible it's awful in in you know what I was drinking self pity in depression wasn't too bad with a bottle of vodka but sober it's hideous

and I don't like it really I'm just scared and I don't know where my breaking point is where I'm going to frantically try to drink something or take something to make myself get out of this and I'm sitting on the shelf and I'm scared so I say a little prayer because I don't know what else to do I just said god help me

but I looked at the clock

it's about ten o'clock it's it's about ten minutes till ten at night and there isn't any a meeting at ten fifteen not too far from my apartment up on the strip in Las Vegas is called between the show's group

and I thought to myself if I could just get there and get to that meeting maybe all here so that maybe something would happen to snap me out of this a business

and somehow I don't know maybe through god's grace I I must hold myself off of that so for who I've I was hard to get up but I shuffled out to my car like a mole when I got in the car and I drove up to the meeting there was a there was a parking space right in front of the door to the chapel it was underneath this big bill Billboard on the strip where they do advertising right and that's where all the pigeons hang out so by parking under there I'm going to get my car decorated by the pigeons while I'm in the meeting which will better fit my mood I'm sure

so according to the Billboard like I'm asking for it you know I like to make my car fuel like always fuel you know

then I go into the meeting and I'm sitting in the back of the meeting and I can't hear anything

because everything is so distant because I'm so locked up in myself but what's going on in the meeting is like music in a doctor's office it's so distant it nothing gets through to me and it's like this for a week way back deep inside myself as I look out at the meeting if I I don't like what I see because what I see is a room full of people that are obviously doing a lot better than I

a P. O. room full of people that are great for this subject the meeting was gratitude only

and I just ended a relationship you know and I mean everything was it some kind of cosmic joke when you end a relationship all of a sudden you're in a world of happy couples what's that about you know where does that come from it it's like one of those meetings right in noticed it's horrible and I can't hear nothing

it

since the cross for me in the meeting is a guy

who's in really bad shape he's coming off a drunk and he's sitting there as if grabbing himself like he wants to jump out of the skin is rocking back and forth like he can't take it and then he can't he can't even sit still gets up and he's pacing back and forth like a caged billable behind me

and then there's the door right there to the bathrooms in there periodically you can hearing meetings in there with dry heaving and you know so then I I have a lot of problems here I'm trying to figure out and this guy is annoying the crap out of me I mean I'm trying to I'm trying to figure this stuff

the meeting is over it has not helped me

hi I'm probably worse I I stayed after the meeting to help this guy Charlie Parker who's the secretary the meeting and I'm going to help him with the trash and set up the chairs and clean up the room for the chapel so Charlie and I are the last two guys to leave the meeting and Charlie's on his way to work he works in the store the graveyard shift at one of the casino so he has to go right to work and we're standing on the front door the of this chapel he's locked up and we look over in the glory that was coming off the drunk is laying on the ground in front of my car in a fetal position now I'm going to have to step over him to go home and ponder my life more deeply

which

which I mean barriers to tell you I probably would have done except Charlie's there and Charlie says to me are you going to help this guy and I'm looking at this guy don't look at Charlie at Charlie's got a big mouth if I don't help this guy he's gonna tell everybody in a what a lousy member of Alcoholics Anonymous he'll tell my sponsor he'll tell the people my always you know he's a he's a big mouth one of those people

and I'm looking to try to look at this guy don't wanna help discredit go over to the guy in he PT's hands city smells and I got to put him in my car and I start to talk to him in any cities in bad shape he's afraid he's going to have a seizure

and it had seizures before and I don't know and I said it doesn't have any medical insurance and he has no money and it was a time in Las Vegas before they open the detox that we have now where there was a period of a couple years that if you didn't have medical install specialization medical insurance and you didn't have any money and you need a medical detox you were in a lot of trouble there was no place to go

in what we used to do in those days tonight I'm grateful for that I've had this experience of the old to the tip of the last generation is that we would often sit with guys two guys in a shift for maybe four five six hours and we give them a shot of vodka with orange juice about every hour hour and a half just to keep him from going into seizures and sometimes they go to seizures anyway right funny they just start flopping around better fact back in those days people didn't even think much of that I remember I remember being in a meeting and some guy went into a convulsion in the meeting somebody reached over stucco wall but the guy's mouth and kept on sharing they didn't even stop the meeting was another day I don't think it happens so often right it was it was like at least once or twice a week you'd be in a meeting and some got stark flopping around on the floor was happened all the time now now it'll stop and meeting people wring their hands over god's got cold

we did those days it was just yeah it was part of our part of getting sober

so

so I can't say what the guy round the clock because I get to get up for work in the morning and I don't have anybody to sit you're supposed to do it with another person

and I don't know what to do with this guy there's only one thing left to do

there's a county hospital in Las Vegas and back in those days because they got certain government funding they were required to take a certain amount of ingenuity patience off the street and I'd been down there before with guys and I'll tell you some it was tedious they treat you like a red headed step child you know they would they would they know really

they treat you they they treat you like like we don't we don't want to treat you we would rather we would rather deal with legitimately sick people rather than you self induced alcoholics we're probably going to be back here in three weeks anyway and that was their attitude so what would happen if you go down there with guys and they would often make you sit in the waiting room for five or six hours until they had nothing else to do it out of boredom they take the alcoholic and I know what's coming so I get this guy smelly guy in my car right I don't go down there and I know I'm going to be there all night and I'm in the car and I'm thinking to myself you know isn't it enough that my life is crap I gotta do this too doesn't anybody else up up to the plate in a except me the key word is me right

the school

Hey in this to the guy just drive in and we get down there we check into the emergency room and we signed up on the paper and we're sitting in the in the waiting room and I'm talking to the guy into a tail weird this was people nowadays in the states can't believe this but she used to be able to smoke cigarettes in a hospital waiting rooms years ago and I'm giving cigarettes any smoke in and he's he's like coming apart at the seams and I there was a vending machine there and I go to the vending machine to get these little cans of orange juice and I take a we didn't have any honey because he's to give guys sports you said honey your choosing Caro syrup to stabilize their blood sugar fluctuations so I went to the coffee thing and I got your regular sugar and put it into words you should give it to the guy and you try to keep it down he's sitting there and it's just coming apart

and he starts to tell me about himself

and he starts to tell me about the shame

in the remorse

did he feels for the things he did to the to the people who loved him

and he said to me that he couldn't even seem to drink it away anymore

and then he told me that for some time he's been wishing he could kill himself and just get it over with and then he really hopes me he's he says to me

he says I don't know why you're wasting time with me

I'm not like you you see I always drink and I always drink again

and he's telling me about me

and somewhere in the wee hours of the morning I fell in love with that guy

not for any logical reason he can't get me a better job there's nothing he can do for me chances are he's not even going to stay sober and give me some kind of credit for something you know he can't do anything for me except

did he suffered from alcoholism exactly like I suffered from alcoholism and I fell in love with him

and it was years later that what I realized is that I fell in love with the me that is in him

apart and an aspect of me that I could never love directly and never accept directly

but I could love it and accepted in him

and I know I could love it I I had a therapist one time

who was big on learning to love yourself and she used to tell me you gotta love yourself and

I love myself

she gave me these positive affirmations you know supposed to stand in front of a mirror and look myself in the eye and repeat over and over god loves me god forgives me god accepts me I love me I forgive me except me god loves me good for you gives me god accepts me well I Love Me I got I got a bunch of crap I just stood there told a planet blew up saying that over and over again and it would not have changed how I felt about myself

but somehow in loving and caring unconditionally about people that are like me

something between me and me started to change

I didn't know that that was happening and they eventually they checked this guy in there

they gave him bad

and I'm driving home in the Sun starting to come up and I'm not worried about going to work being tired

I'm not worried about anything

but I'm Cryin

and I'm crying not because I'm depressed I'm crying because I don't know what my whole life I ever felt more right

more complete

more useful I felt the presence of god move into that car I didn't ask him to come in

but I think what happened is there was enough of me out of the way that something else showed up in my life there's a coveted in Oklahoma synonymous that when two or more of us show up together for the purpose recovery something will be in the midst and something was in the midst between me and this guy something showed up

yeah I don't know if it was god or if it was the spirit of love for this other drug but I know I drove home that morning and I felt better than I'd ever felt

in I understood finally why these old timers were hammering me

to work with others and hammering me to go to the hospitals and institutions and hammering me and pushing me to do twelve step work because they knew something about me that I didn't know

they knew that even the self obsessed self concerned self absorbed narcissistic depressive that I was that if I stayed in that venue long enough one day something would happen

and what happened is you you could probably hear it in Scotland this loud pop is my head came out of my **** and I actually appeared here

and that's really what happened is I got relieved of the bondage of self

through help in this other guy

and I felt as good that morning driving home as I felt on the very best day of my drinking

when when five shots of whiskey really worked I felt that free that complete and not write about myself you know I knew at that moment the this was my primary purpose that this was what I was divinely crafted to do

was to help people that are just like me

I don't know that I can help everybody I can't really but I'm real good for people that are sick like I'm sick

and from that moment to this that has been my primary purpose except for one little period when I was about nineteen years sober and I got seduced by by tremendous wealth in abundance back into a life where I was the center again and consequently got depressed again

it that was the only time in twenty eight well and since that moment

that's the only time where I've been on free

see I

I knew something when I drank when alcohol worked it really worked

I could lose my job I could lose a relationship I can have a bad day I could have a good day in a drink of alcohol did something very magical for me

but I get the same thing out of the guys are sponsoring my commitments in the hospitals and institutions there's a guy that I sponsored the talks about twelve step working he says that's the good dope

I'll tell you something what I drink whiskey I wanted the best whiskey I could get it when I do a I want the best day I can get I want to buy this whole package I didn't go into a bar and ask for a half a beer and I ain't coming here and asking for half a solution either

I want this whole package it if you're sitting here and you're done a lot of the steps in Alcoholics Anonymous but you don't help anybody except yourself

I'm telling you I think you're missing it

I believe that any life or view of spiritual recovery or development it's all about you is an illusion

it's an illusion of self

everywhere in this book the talks about spiritual growth it always talks about things like we turn our thoughts to someone we can help

we ask god to remove the defects in care of character not that stand in the way of you being happy you're rich what are the things that stand in the way of you being useful matter of fact it is the purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous

the very back of the big book

in an obscure section that that most people don't read on page five seventy

this doctor nails us when he says

four lines down he's talking about us and he says they know that they must never drink they help others with similar problems in this atmosphere the alcoholic often overcomes his excessive concentration upon himself

why must somehow find the freedom from myself that I found in five shots of tequila

if I can't find that here then the best I will ever have as a half **** depressive state where abstinence will feel like I'm doing time in there's a loneliness about untreated alcoholism sober it is actually more painful than alcoholism when you're drinking at least when I was drinking I can always have the hope of the Bolivian

I'm treated alcoholism sober is more painful

because you you're you're experiencing the alcohol this and without the benefit of Anna static

it's a bad deal

but if you're if you're depressed you're if you're if things aren't right for you to check your twelve step work

it's I I would not be here

if it wouldn't have been for the encouragement of the old timers for me to do service and get off my

my button go out and try to help other people we have an old saying in a you want to be goosed by the spirit you gotta get up off your ****

and it's really that's why in our book we have a chapter into action we don't have a chapter in the pondering or into thinking are indeed considering figuring it all out into figuring it all out into action and working with others Scott thanks Bob I love the way he does that stuff I don't find the word sponsor or a sponsorship in the basic text but I find the the description of it very clearly laid out on page ninety six men talking for several pages about a twelve step call someone said they might like some help one over there talk to me about my drinking he talked about his we laughed a lot we cried a little I left in the book

it says in the middle of ninety six oppose your now making your second visit to a man so that was the first one

he has read this volume says he's prepared to go through with the twelve steps of the program to recover so there's the definition of the program again and I love the language here look at me if you would says he's prepared to go through with the twelve steps and be good we'll settle for that we don't get that many eager winds right will settle for that and this is he's read the book restructure have you had the experience of reading and your eyes are moving across the page in your mind is moving across the universe have you had that one if you read out loud you'll stop that I can trap my mind in the moment by reading aloud so that for me to find someone's possible he's made an attempt to read this book he understands the twelve steps are the program and he's he's willing to go through with them great and then for me to describe sponsor in the next sentence having had the experience yourself you can give a much practical advice what experience the experience of going through the twelve steps what advice advice on how to go through the twelve steps their sponsorship in two senses laid out very very clearly and I think anything beyond that is me playing god

I want to talk about a number of little things that just didn't seem to fit real well anywhere else in the talking about sponsorship I believe for the longest time the my responsibility number one to the men I sponsor was to take them through the twelve steps and I don't believe that anymore I believe that's number two I believe my first responsibility is to love them

I'm told that god is love and when I say when I give love I give god it's the highest gift I have the privilege today of loving the man that I sponsor without exception

and then I take them through the steps I've had the experience on a couple of occasions of needing to to change sponsors I told you about a sponsor I had that was sleeping with new women he was married I had another experience why need to change sponsors and I called my sponsor and he's one of the most spiritual men I've ever known that beautiful stuff I think it's beautiful that I talked about in steps six and seven about

about I don't work in my defects of character and self cut bills pushed up on the center that's all from this guy beautiful most one of the most perch amount all over now it was necessary for me to change sponsors and I called him on a Friday I left him a message on his answering machine I need to talk to you he responded to my call on the following Tuesday afternoon I was in the middle of a divorce

the reason I changed monsters was because he didn't have time that I felt like I needed and I think that's a very good reason and and I said ten I've been coached by my new sponsor I said how do I do that he said I want you to drop and I said how do I do that

and he said thank him thank him profusely Mike thank you for all you've given me thanks for the beautiful things I've learned thanks for your commitment in the time that you put into what I'm doing here god knows your blessing in my life but it's only fair for me to tell you I'm I'm changing sponsors

the adults don't have to answer questions

and he didn't ask if he had asked I would have told him I think he knew why

but that doesn't matter because he had a sponsor himself he's got a problem he can go process it there and by the way if he gets angry at that point I've absolutely done the right thing because he got his he got tied up in sponsoring me three years ago I was dropped by two guys both with long term recovery both for the same reason because I I've had the privilege of doing this a lot and I was gone so much and when I'm in town I'm pretty busy they felt like they needed more I think that's a fabulous reason to change sponsors I have a goal for the men that I sponsor and it is that they would outgrow me spiritually I can't think of another worthy goal how can I be unhappy if he did and could move on to somewhere else and get more how can I possibly be offended by that the other piece

and this one's a little bit more controversial is dropping someone that I'm trying to sponsor and before you come to disagree with me and we're not going to go there and look middle paragraph on page ninety five top of page ninety six are very clear about that I do not allow the men that I sponsored to work with men that don't do what they ask

and I don't do it either

and I got that lesson from this Mike I was just tell you about it five years I called on Monday and I said that not to not to not to let down on this guy I sponsor what shall I do and he said dropping

as a come on my come be in serious he said I would be in serious I said I don't believe you

he said what are you asking him to do that he's not doing I said well let's see call me every day look for a job called his parole officer go to a meeting every day and opening closes days following the directions and step eleven I said and how much of that see doing it so he's not doing any of it he said you are not his sponsor he is

you are his fire chief and when his tail feathers are abilities he calls you and siphons off some of your serenity puts out his fire and goes right back to doing it his way and you are not helping him

and then he said how do you feel when you work with him I said that feel like they pull the cords out of my heels in the blood ran out I feel like I've been run out he said a hot and how do you feel when you work with bill K. I said well he likes me up like a pinball machine he said really and what are you asking bill to do that he's not doing so he's doing it all they said aha

this is it about a thousand but you can pretty well tell when you work with somebody whether it's where sponsorship is always a two way street

it's working for one it's working for both if it's not working for one inning working for the other one either so there's always a two way street he said you are currently co signing a lie you are allowing the man to think that he has a sponsor and that he's in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and he's not he's in the fellowship

but he's not allowing you to coach him into the program

and your cosigner ally

and he said he said could you stay so run the program he's drinking he's working and I said no I don't think so he said can he I said I don't think so he said you are probably right and when he drinks again

I want you to be able to sleep knowing that you told him the truth because he could go to prison for a long time or kill somebody there's no telling what he could do when he's drinking and I want you to be able to sleep knowing that you told him the truth

and with heavy heart I went to this guy the telemarketing sponsored anymore

the last time I saw him he bounced off of both sides of the clubhouse door coming in so drunk he couldn't stand up and was arrested out of that meeting his car was parked up against somebody else's car in the parking lot as the last time I saw him

the other reason that I must tell him the truth is that the next time he wakes up in a jail cell in a pool of his own blood in vomit I wanted to have three options and those options are to continue to live that way

to commit suicide

or to try the program of Alcoholics Anonymous knowing he hasn't tried it because I told him the truth if I don't tell him the truth I've signed his death warrant

I had to do it twice this year I picked up two new men to sponsor this year I had to drop them both

it broke my heart I have coached every man I sponsor through dropping someone at least once and I or a guy and his grand sponsor told me that they couldn't get his sponsor he'd had to do it is guts were on fire I said great

I hope it tears you apart I hope it does every time but he's not you're you're not throwing away his chance he is

you're telling him the truth you're making it easier for him to come back he can set on bar stools and say don't work for him but he'll know what's a lie because you've told him the truth you may have saved his life and I hope it tears your guts about all the tears mine up every time because who am I if it doesn't

and I had a fellow that that I went and I said okay I'm I'm dropping you know there was a notable please don't I'll do anything I said okay I read the first eight pages of bill story look up one word on every page kami nine eight fifteen phone rings a fifteen you look up the words the rock and roll for about two weeks and then I realized I put more into his his recovery than he has since I'm dropping snow no I'll do anything I don't know how many times we went through that little deal and finally my sponsor told me he said this is the last time when you're not going to warn him and the next time you go to drop him he stand dropped and I said yes Sir and I went to I said Jerry a drop is no no says it now I'm gonna last change into your grave

I'm through and I hope you get with someone who's done these twelve steps and allow them to culture through this work and he got with another long time member of my home group that day and surrendered to him and he will tell you today I saved his life that day so important we gotta god shows up in my group about every six months he was just a couple of months ago and he comes in he says now look I know the last twelve times I was here that I I said I do anything you said in your get me to sign and I didn't do it but I'm really serious I really really mean it this time would you sponsor me as a sure read the first eight pages and bill story look up one word you know whatever's assignment like that but something with a look up the words they can't fake that

tell me nine eight fifteen he don't call and he doesn't think he's got a sponsor I don't think it does either and I'm not throwing away his chance he is because the next time he does that in calls made eight fifteen with the dictionary we're gonna rock and roll

it's a it's an interesting approach to this thing but it's it's so important because if I don't do that if I don't follow the directions in the book and drop those people I'm betting his life on my amateur psychology

and it makes me sick to have to do it

and I hope it always does

that's one of the hardest things I've got today

do you know the difference by the way between a good habit a bad habit

I'll tell you good habits are easy to break

that's the difference yeah if I'm going to have good habits I'm going to have to pay the price to keep them because they won't stay on their own the this is a gift from a girl in my home group she said she'd been tells us in a meeting when it should have been to a dog race and

the little mechanical rabbit takes off and they shoot the gun to K. just pop up the dogs take off and she said that the whole the mechanical rabbit malfunction in the first turn and stopped

and the lead dog his tail over tea kettle with this mechanical rabbit into the ditch I thought we were in the world is she going with this and then she said I'm just exactly like that dog I'm check I'm shot out of a gun chase in some bad go mechanical rather than going to be what I want if I can catch it

I said wow

and she said you know that dogs smarter than I am

the retired that dog no matter what they do he will never chase another mechanical rabbit

he only has to catch one of him he'll never do it again not me maybe I'm after the next one

boy that's the truth how

I got here as a take a minute taker all my life