Workshop titled "The Big Book experience" in Dundee, Scotland

yeah

good morning

my name's Bob their own name and I'll call like

through the grace of god that I've found an access to maintain my life through the process the twelve steps good sponsorship in a willingness to help others I haven't had a drink or any minor motion altering substances Halloween nineteen seventy eight

I like to open without a moment of silence if you'd indulge me while opened with a prayer that

seems to fit in very well with workshops of this type

lord help me to set aside everything I think I know about you

everything I think I know about myself

everything I think I know about others and everything I think I know about my own recovery all for a new experience in you lord the new experience in myself a new experience in my fellows and a much needed new experience in my recovery a man

I am delighted to be here curious how many people were here last night

okay yeah me too

I think

how many no answer here

don't be afraid

C. one one okay yeah Linda's calendar okay I how many people within their first

year of absolute abstinence

all right

how many in there last year

thank

yeah it would be

I really want to take a moment to thank the committee and and this Patrick for all the work they've done

bringing us up here and it this is a I've been involved in on the service end of a lot of weekends like this there's a lot of work involved Patrick drove all the way down to Edberg pick me up

in the drive back up here

I got to find out more about Patrick than ever imagined I needed to know

I never realized I was suffering from a Patrick deficiency

this is

where is he anyway is he hiding I don't

this good I feel better

don't do it if

yeah if if something is said bad the woods and there's no one around here the tree fall do you still have to make amends I mean

what we're gonna do today is we're going to do something that's going to be a little bit rushed we're going to do the very best we can

we usually we don't know we never know when Scott and I do this what's going to come out this is not rehearsed this is not like Joan Charlie rich the same every time it spins out of it says whatever is behind the curtain seems to move us in we don't know how this is going to spin out usually this is about a thirteen hour deal that we're going to try to squeeze into just

about half that many are ours

so well it'll be interesting to see what happens

I know I know it'll be good I trust whatever seems to motivate stuff like this it always is good

we're gonna break every hour because there's a

hour to an hour fifteen are because there's a spiritual principle that the mind cannot absorb with the but can't indoor and so we're going to break about every hour to hour fifteen

what else the mission anyway I'm gonna turn it over to Scott at this point thank you good morning my name is Scott Lee and I am an alcoholic grateful beyond my ability to express to be here I love you with all my heart what a gift I like to open whatever I do those who were here last night with a quotation from Lois Wilson co founder Alan on who is asked to in a lot of places they open meetings with a few moments of silence followed by the serenity prayer

and someone asked her one time what she did in those moments of silence and she said I invite god to the meeting

that my mentor taught me to treat god like a gentleman gentleman don't go where they're not invited they don't stay where they're not made welcome

and so in a few moments I'm going to ask you for a few moments of silence am I gonna ask everyone here if you would please to invite the god of you understand you're joining us let's let's treat god like a gentleman and and then we will endeavor to conduct ourselves in a manner for the balance of the days will make him welcome

with this many new people I kept thank you and congratulations to those of you under your who are attending also thank you and congratulations to those of you with more than a year that forced these people under a year to come we

we'd like to acknowledge both sides of that formula

we think that's fantastic but with this many new people here

could easily be some folks who does not have a gun and if you're one of those I'd like to invite you to borrow my god for this time here together I recommend it very highly he's been keeping me sober continuously since June the twenty eighth of nineteen eighty four and he also has a great sense of humor and if you don't think so look around the room I think we're pretty funny don't you yeah so and and left Bob and I are working out of the fourth edition are newcomers occurring fourth additions they're confused enough and so that's why we Kerry for the nation we both got so run the third edition so if you would let's take a few moments of silence and and ask god to please join us and bless us with open hearts and we'll follow that with the serenity prayer

serenity prayer god

France thank you Bob and I are not experts and don't consider ourselves to be where students and we have an announcement any yeah

the state because of the move that's okay the station CT zero six yeah yeah okay Volvo S. I. zero two AC eight hundred

our products that's quite alright

this is this is also pretty intensive if we if if you find yourself during the day with the need that you want to stay but you can't sit anymore you need to just stand against the wall that'll be fine we won't be offended by that and not in the slightest hi

I'm going to do some moving around the book I think when the big book tells me anything it's important when it tells me something twice it's extremely important when it tells me something five times on five different pages I think they're screaming at me and I'd like to open with one of those will begin on page one forty three

if you skip the chapter to employers because you're not an employer

or if you skip the chapter to wives because you're not a wife I have a suggestion

some pretty good stuff in those chapters middle paragraph page one forty three if your man accepts your offer should be pointed out that physical treatment is but a small part of the picture they're providing you with the best possible medical attention you should understand that he must undergo a change of heart so this part must change must it's popular in some places in the states to say there are no muss and the program and I'm sure there are but here's one

must undergo a change of heart and then it says to get over drinking will require I wonder if that's important require a trans formation that's a total change transformation of thought and attitude

exact same concept on page fifty eight

and I'm not doing all their their eyes I have two other places that I'm just not gonna do

four lines on the bottom page fifty eight

some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas the result was nil until we let go absolutely

this exact same thing

page forty two am I going fast enough

okay

if holler at me if I get going too fast I've been bad about that page forty two about the lines on the bottom

it meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window

several lifelong conceptions out of the window

age twenty seven

this is Carl young arguably the greatest psychologist of all time

talking to Rowland hazard and he just told wrote Roland no hope at all

the dead center of the page twenty seven you see the word ideas

ideas emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast on one side and a completely new set of conceptions and motors begin to dominate them

same idea

let's turn to page one

and now turn to pages toward the front of the book from page one

you'll be on Roman numeral twenty nine X. X. I. X. on the right hand side

in the doctor's opinion

first full paragraph begins with the words on the other hand

Abadi caught up I count up three lines above that

it says this is repeated over and over

and unless this person can experience an entire entire is more than half by the way

an entire psyche change there's very little hope of this recovery

entire psyche change five places we just looked at all said the same thing and a plain old southern Tennessee English what they said was somewhat I know for sure ain't so

so it isn't what I don't know that's defeating me it is the things that I know for certain that are actually incorrect or where the problem is so it's been necessary for me to release my grip on what I think I know for sure

some of them try to hold on to our old ideas for me all right is there everything I learned through noon yesterday are now old ideas that that I must release my grip on those my first two years of recovery I surrendered a lot

I got this when I woke up this morning I did not surrender I volunteered

in my own enlightened self interest I volunteered for service this morning is the best deal I've ever had if I close my mind on surrender you can't build on that so if I hold my my mind open and surrender I can then build to volunteer I have been to a level above that and I know people that live at a level above that I cannot close my mind I knew these beautiful things as I get the more my mentor said that you're wearing a spiritual garment

and that when you first put on the spiritual garment your very first time it is so shiny and beautiful and clean but eventually we'll become tattered and soiled and you'll have to shed it for a new one and then that one will become shattered soiled and tattered and you'll have to shed it if I fall and I cannot fall in love with any of my jobs in a I have to release my grip on the old assignments I have to be prepared to do that that's what all of that stuff is about for me page sixty one

about half a little blow past halfway down the page in the center says is another victim

but I got

is a not a victim of the delusion that he can rest satisfaction and happiness out of this world the only manages well

rest means to take by force

and what that says is that I'm so insane

but I actually believe that if I can get what I want to make me happy isn't that insane when I look at all the thousands of times and I got what I wanted and wasn't

rendered happy an app and by the way what I I didn't fly four thousand miles of talk to you I came to talk with you so we're going to play this one together all right

when you're a child one of bike you're certain if you get a by could be happy and you got one anybody

thank you

are you happy

now let's try let's try another one who wanted him or her sure if you can give me a happy ending on let's see it okay now you could be sitting next to them someone ask give you

but made a pretty good point sure if you can get rid of him or her

yeah so

so I have to look at the truth and the truth is that getting what I want will not make me happy it never did

I had happiness and pleasure confused

pleasure is on the physical plane in there something out there that will bring it to me for a limited period of time

happiness is internal that's on the spiritual plane as a side effect of having a healthy relationship with with all of you and that's in part with these twelve steps are about

so that's about releasing my grip but one of my old ideas idea when I was over right around eleven months in which an old timer to meeting and I said you said that by the time I was sober a year my sleep pattern would level out and I'm still not sleeping he said I just want you drink too big cups of coffee at a meeting here at eight o'clock at night

and I said caffeine doesn't affect me

and he said if you're drinking a quart of Scotch a day in smoking five joints it won't

and I've been sleeping pretty good sense and I feel fun Robert last night but that is so I wonder how many old ideas that I am hanging on right now I wonder right now

I I zip through a twenty eight day treatment program and in six weeks as far

I've always been a quick study I just pick things up fast and I get back to my home and national and I be I set out to follow their after care plan and they said do I go to ninety meetings in ninety days and I did this psycho babble for step and there's some other stuff but one of things that somebody was going to sponsor

and I was so insane as a newcomer does look for spots I could relate to isn't that crazy I mean because you see I did I tried to go to ninety meetings in ninety days I only went to eighty seven I cannot forgotten two of them but one particular night I was about to leave the for the meeting and one of my children was injured rather badly and we raced to the hospital said to me going to the meeting it was the right thing everyone here would say it was the right thing and so I missed that day

and I thought if you missed you just missed I don't know if you go to two meetings of the day right I got a case a newcomer thinking is probably going to kill me if I don't get some help with it and so I can't figure out you go to meetings on the day who can I relate to

right I can relate to somebody else that doesn't know what he's doing either that's who I can relate to I don't need a sponsor can relate to I didn't then I don't either today I don't need a sponsor can relate to I need a sponsor I would obey

anyway this this man in this meeting I kept looking at him in here and when you talk and his lights were on his face was lit up I wanted to feel like he looked

and I said would you sponsor many said well we'll see here's your first assignment

assignment you know I thought a Big Brother was a sponsor was more like a Big Brother was going to kind of show you around and help you with all the small stuff maybe loan you some money and fix your wife those sort of things and I was wrong about that too

and so he gave me an assignment and it took me a week and I did it and I said okay Jerry I did what you said sponsor me and he said I'll sponsor you my way by this time I was very nervous about that I said what does that mean and he said you are too sick to stay sober on the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous you will need the program also

and I didn't have any idea what he was talking about

page fifty nine

he gave me what he said was the single best kept secret in an Alcoholics Anonymous and that's the definition of the program he said the way we keep it secret we read at almost every meeting

so keep it secret

similarly before page one of the four step one on page fifty nine it says here are the steps we took were just suggested as a program of recovery he said the steps are not part of the program the steps are the program no steps no program forgive me I'm going to be real direct on this I've been to too many funerals don't drink and go to meetings you'll die from that that'll kill you he said hang around a bunch of AA meetings with anymore get me into recovery than moving into the garage to turn me into a fifty seven Chevy

he said it was a good same odds he said it's not gonna happen

that I'm going to have to do these twelve steps

when I was out of my sponsor like to recommend that I said Jerry I don't want to do the twelve steps

and he said that's okay I said good he said long as you do them

Jerry I don't think we're communicating

they said yeah we are he says that's the definition of willingness willingness is when I do it my sponsor says what I want to or not Bob said it so beautifully last night it's got to get to my feet

balance a we learn to trust the actions not the words don't tell me show me yeah

and

so he said he didn't really care what I want to work or not he said I was going to work the steps at the pace he set the way he laid him out or he was going to drop me like a bad habit

he managed to limit that but I played the trump card I said why

now this is just to be honest with you when I ask why I'm never looking for an answer I'm looking for a fight

but I'm looking for something I can argue with so I can still win that's what why has for me and he said I don't answer why questions for the men I sponsor

the reason is step one section B.

says your life unmanageable that means you are no longer in management

why it's a management question

consequently all the questions to begin with the word why have the same answer and the answer is you don't need to know

and I hated that when he said it and and today I love it it's one of my cornerstones because I always thought it was not knowing that made me crazy huh it was needing to know that was making me crazy

and as I released my grip on needing to know I can not know and be at peace because I know who knows and that's good enough but he said I'll give you one more question and this is it why do you have to do the twelve steps he said think of yourself as a garbage can

it's only easy assignment ever gave me

it

this is what we'll do with the steps is we're going to dump you out we're going to scrub the canon stand back up right we're going to fish to your life most of it is garbage we're going to throw it away portions are good will keep them for example do you love your children I said I love them so much he said wonderful we'll keep that when we get through these steps are going to be a big empty clean garbage can we just a little bit of good stuff in the bottom

our program is a bit like going to the dentist we have to drill before we can fill resident this poison out

like the Dennis we have Nova Kaine we call it sponsorship we called at home group we kind of fellowship we called it love it's not that hard

and the reason you have to do that is because alcohol is not your problem

what

alcohol is not your problem it's your answer

alcohol makes you tall enough smart enough good looking enough able to talk to the girls and expert on many subjects

and and it makes your skin feel right it makes your life a lubricant of life so when we say do you lay down the booze we have not said put down your problem we said let's lay down the only answer you have ever now

this is why I can't quit on my own I mean I can I could on my own over two thousand times

right

yeah I'm a pewter and every time I threw up I could forever plus some other times thousand trouble and but I couldn't stay quit my problem is I

I can quit but I can't get on Thursday

the day is always coming where something's going to happen where I'm going to be thirsty again I don't have any way to stop that

and I would quit forever which is somewhere between twenty minutes and about two months

right this forever you guys know that the there is people out there they're very confused about how long forever is that would scare you if you know what they thought forever all my goodness but

right

yeah so so I can quit forever but I can't get on Thursday this is the piece I can't find on my own something's always coming where I'm going to get thirsty again I'm gonna I own my own business I'm gonna close a big deal make a lot of money I'm gonna get thirsty I'm gonna lose a big deal is a lot of money I'm going to get thirsty I'm gonna get new convertible only get thirst to get new boat I mean there are some good new girlfriend America by the way your new girlfriend how many thirsty or the big one

my team is going to play on TV on Monday night

right something's always comes off I'm going to get details I wanted a time is that

sesame also here one at a time for those of you who are new there's a second line on one day at a time they're not telling you what they really mean is one day at a time in a row

right with no breaks at all ever right that's actually what they meet them and told you that okay so if I'm gonna stay sober one day at a time in a row they got to give me this piece I gotta have this was paid sixty

first line twelve

having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps

doesn't say a result this is the is singular it's my experience that spiritually awakened alcoholics do not drink beverage alcohol and they don't ever get thirsty ever

I was rendered apparently permanently on Thursday sometime in December of nineteen eighty four

if if you've had the experience of driving around town

with that with the to not talk to white knuckle grip on the steering wheel to keep the car from pulling in the liquor store to get your drink of pulling out of the pub I know what that's like but I haven't felt in twenty two and a half years so if you're new that's not the package the packages get on Thursday and the way we get to it as do the other eleven steps so that we can get that that first promising step twelve a spiritual awakening with a spiritual awakening I become on Thursday

from a number of twenty two for the second edition

for the third edition of all of us

this is just before the doctor's opinion

you'll see the for the for the for the third halfway down the page XXII the basic principles of the a program appears hold good for individuals many different lifestyles just as the program's about recovery to those of many different nationalities

this may be the most important phrase in the book the twelve steps that summarized the program

so what that says according to my mentor is that the twelve steps I see on the wall or a summary

right that's the little notes for someone who's trying to just live by with a C. minus did you ever try to get a C. minus then wanted fridge might be too much

I want to put in an awful lot like I'm I'm afraid to get a C. minus in this

and then I'm gonna skip I don't do the foreign language skills to well

skip to lines this is they trace exactly the same path to recovery

there was blazed by the earliest members of Alcoholics Anonymous rarely we seen a person failings thoroughly followed our path so it's our path is the twelve steps

and then it describes the fellowship this again from another one of my teachers there are two fellowships

the first one described in this next paragraph is the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous which around whenever you say you're in it and no one can say you're not

S. as in spite of a great increase in the size in the span of this fellowship at its core it remains simple and personal each day somewhere in the world recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic sharing experience strength and hope we're going to do here today

the other fellowship as described on page one sixty four

and as you turn into that I would tell you I have not intentionally memorized anything in this book but a little over twenty years ago some friends of mine and I were talking and we kept saying I need to get back to reading the big book and so I'd say that for months and I sit on a Saturday afternoon read ninety pages and have no retention and we applied the one day at a time concept reading the big book I read two pages a day in the book I'll tell you I did not read them today I I didn't I didn't get that good night's sleep and I got a late start today but but I've been reading two pages a day in the big book for over twenty years

and eventually you'll get to where you can do what I'm doing what you do that for twenty years

so describes the other fellowship at the bottom one sixty four abandon yourself to god as you understand god admit your faults to him into your fellows clear away the wreckage of your past your feeling what you find a join us we shall be with you in the fellowship of the spirit

and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny doesn't say too happy this he says of the road is the destiny this is the destiny right now my my wife is doing the island workshop down the whole night yeah I hope that's being recorded because y'all been robbed of its not

but she says this that this second right here right now this is the future we used to be terrified of right here W. K. don't I yeah right right about now

okay good about now

that this is the destiny and I need to be here I need to be present for it but I had to take the trash out first to be able to do that so this thing is about and it's Jerry was telling me about the garbage can

and he said that alcohol is not your problem and your answer

he said it was necessary for me to have those changes he said you're going to need that big empty clean can little good stuff in the bottom

because one of these days something heavy it's gonna slam your heart he said your father's going to die and on that day if you don't have that empty clean space to store that Pena well we love you back to spiritual help you'll escape and the only escape you know are killing you and devastate everyone around you

yeah and it was the truth and so we describe the other fellowship here on one sixty four and it's called the fellowship of the spirit and it looks to me like the steps in narrative form abandon yourself to god as you understand god that could be actually any of the steps I think certainly that meet your falls to him and to your fellows four five eight nine and ten clear away the wreckage of your past the same ones you're free like what you find clear that stop twelve and join us and I think that's step one first word first step we I got to get out of the I. business

we

page fourteen

Bob touched on this last night

last line page fourteen forever now calling failed perfect in the larger spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others he cannot survive the certain trials and low spots in it we promise you to house a low spots

that's why I have to have the empty clean can

that's why I've got to have that space to store that pain it is because they're coming

I

I got here suffering from what I call the John Wayne syndrome Dustin John Wayne movies about age eleven I get this mental image of what a man wants and a pretended to be that for the next thirty years and those things like big boys don't cry pull yourself up by your bootstraps would going gets tough the tough gets going never let em see weakness never ask a stupid question get what you want to make you happy

never surrender never give up no matter what sound familiar to anyone it's it's the acts that around ninety nine percent of the man in about ninety six percent of the women are doing when they get to a

based on the only truth I know and that's that I'm not good enough

that that that I'm defective the things wrong with me that can't be repaired and I'm a chameleon pretending to be the guy you want me to be in the situation

and so I get here with with all of that load of stuff

that has to be laid down but I get here pretending to be something knowing that I'm not and what I had to learn to do here was to to become who I really am it was to the process of the steps that happen to me back in one sixty four for a second I'm gonna turn it back over to Bob yeah those of you who read the book regularly know they sneak in your bedroom at night and add things

they added this one in June two years ago for those of you who might have missed it I have to I think I'd be a good grapevine features new things add to the big box and select

first full paragraph one sixty four still you may say but I will not have the benefit of contact with you to write this book we cannot be sure god will determine that so you must remember that your reliance is always fun him here's a part they just added he will show you how to create the fellowship you crave

craves a powerful word

I have craved fellowship all of my life I've never had it

but I have craved it and I've but for those who were here last night or those who weren't I flew to the United States Air Force for five years I was a pilot and I was in some pretty hot outfits and but I never felt like I belonged and I had there were there were men that were bugging me on on my airplane to change with them so they could fly with me and I still didn't feel like I belong and that's because I was doing the act I was always the actors pretending to be the man I think you want me to be and the actor can't participate in fellowship

the only party can participate in fellowship is this part I'm not showing it to you

what I learned to do here was to dig the poison out of my soul so that I can be comfortable in my own skin

and so I could show you this part and I'm willing to show it to you today and today I participate in fellowship and I still crave it but the difference is that today I have it as a direct result of placing myself unreservedly under the care of a sponsor who had done the twelve steps out of this book I've

I have never seen anyone in a now the program by the way I'm not saying there aren't something I haven't seen one in and out of the fellowship I see all the time

I have never yet seen anyone actually do the steps out of this book

while being coached by sponsor who has already done the steps out of this book and stay active carrying our message and drink again has anyone seen

because one hundred fifty people in this room hundred nobody's seen it I would say that we as a group stand by the first line of chapter five rarely we seen a person fails thoroughly followed our path

thanks got a Bob Dylan alcoholic about

how many see a show of hands how many people in this room have it sometime in their life gotten to a place where they swore to themselves they would never drink again and meant it and then drank again after that

wow

okay so really swearing often really meaning it doesn't seem to work

okay stab wish that

why

why can't we carry it out

age forty five it says a lack of power

the lack of power that was our dilemma

that's true in so many levels it's it's it's more than the lack of power to stay away from a drink

it's also the lack of power to enjoy life the lack of power to fit the lack of power to come out and play the lack of power to control my emotional nature the lack of power to rise up out of my natural inclination to depression

lacked the power to make this stop leave me alone

lack of power is my dilemma

in the book goes on to say we had to find a power by which we could live

well I had found the power by which I could live in it was immediate and effective and it gotcha downtown now and that was five shots of whiskey

alcohol was a tremendous source of power at one time in my life

but the problem with artificial power

is that it has a tendency to dissipate

and towards the end of my drinking if it was anything like towards the end of yours I am drinking frantically I'm drinking desperately hoping futilely hoping to get the power I had once found in four or five drinks

number the power

the power to be funny

the power to mix with people to be feel like you're a part of the power to lift yourself out of the depression the power that no matter how much fear and anxiety and worry was on you you can just shrug it off

the power to feel significant

the fact the power to be a part of

alcohol at one time provided all of that

as a matter of fact

I believe that at one time in my life before I'll go whole turned on me it was the most immediate and effective treatment for the real secret inside disease of alcoholism that I've ever found

five shots of tequila was a spiritual experience

seven shots and you loved everybody remember that feeling you remember that you just just well up with emotion that insignificance in and connectedness no that was power

so what do you what do you do with that power stops being available to you

the most

the most desolate

part of alcoholism is when the when you finally get the most hopeless thing is when you finally get to that point

where you really get it the one thing that you relied on all these years does not work anymore that doesn't mean that it won't get you drunk it just won't do what it used to do

it won't the power is you've reached an wrong all the power out of it

so lack of powers our dilemma

we had to find a power but which we could live

and it says well that's exactly what this book is about its main object isn't it to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem

boy what a problem

at the end of my alcoholism I felt like I was stuck

I was stuck in a trap I could not spring or get free of

I needed desperately the effect from alcohol

and consequently I tried it over and over again and yet I could not get the effect I got to a place

that it talks about

in there is this in the vision for you it says that we eventually get to a place where we can't imagine life with alcohol or without

now for years in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous I couldn't imagine life without it no when I started to get that it's turned on me and it's awful and I drink and I'm full of self pity and it's bad no I can't imagine life with it not like that

and I can't really imagine life without it either because accidents feels like I'm doing time it's a desolate lonely I don't quite fit depressed place so I am stuck in a trap my kids spring drinking his awful

and I can't turn it back to when it was good and not drinking is awful at all the third being religion medications and everything I've tried doesn't seem to change that

I am absolutely stock

that's a bad place to be in that part of the book in a vision for you it says it calls it the jumping off place it says when you get there you'll wish for the year

and that's what it happened to me in nineteen seventy eight was what it is I went to a bridge to try to take my own life and then consequently came off of that drug with a new attitude a new willingness to do all the things that never made sense to me

Jever noticed AA doesn't make sense to you until after you do it

I have you ever seen have you ever met a newcomer they came to a in the middle of suffering from alcoholism look at the steps in which yeah that would work

when he dies

matter of fact some of us have to be ten years sober bludgeoned to death by our emotions before we even approach the steps

what what is it about us then it's the one that that not only is Alcoholics Anonymous last house on the block Alcoholics Anonymous the steps of the last house on the block

it's amazing will go to great lengths rather than

return to that from which we can

which we've always and every time you did we need everybody that ever does that wishes they done it a long time before they did it