The Primary Purpose Group's 12 step weekend in Cannes, France

Welcome back.

Just a couple of announcements before we get going. This is due to finish at 10:00 PM tonight. Before we close the meeting tonight, we will be practicing the 7th Tradition.

We we are fully self support and we decline outside contributions, outside contributions. We cannot accept contributions from anyone who is not a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Just want to try and operate within the traditions here. So if you're not a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, we won't accept your contribution, however grateful we are that you do it.

Alcoholics dig deep. OK,

so good. Just to remind you, emergency exit to the right, to the left, and we finish at 10. So with that, it gives me great pleasure to introduce our second speaker, also all the way from Texas. Could you please everybody give a warm welcome to Myers Art

Ificial and I'm

Yeah,

this standing above somebody is the freakiest thing in the whole wide world. It's just not it's just not natural. I don't know it just kind of. Hi everybody. My name is Myers Raymer and I am an alcoholic and it's a it's a it's a pleasure to be here. I-1 fast correction. You guys may be here till 10:00. I won't be We'll we'll be done quicker than that. The, the mainly because we're going to be spending a good bit of time together tomorrow.

And, and I see some of you already kind of rubbing your butts and you, we just got here. So

a lot of what we're going to talk about, we're going to talk about tomorrow. And so basically I just want to kind of grease the skids a little bit. We'll try to get an idea about what we're going to do tomorrow and, and, and that sort of thing.

I don't,

I don't think that we should, there should be any doubt who the evil twin is. I mean,

they flew us 4000 miles here so Chris could talk about somebody sticking a garden hose up his butt and

let's see, that's evil. That's, that's

holy shit.

You know, I was talking to, to to Peter earlier and I said, you know, for a lot of years out of some weird Texas arrogance, I couldn't understand why anybody would live anywhere but Texas. It's just weird Texas stuff. And then I get off the plane and I look around and I'm driving through these foothills, the Alps, and I'm looking around at this town and I go,

crap, that's why they live here. It's just like, Oh my gosh, it's just

amazing. Is there anything that won't grow here?

Being the weirdo guy from Texas, I can't think of what pot would do. Like here, couldn't you grow pot big? Here it was like everything else grows. Good God,

the

it's it's a weird deal.

I want to thank Chris for for for doing the deal. I just Chris saved my life twice in a a He saved my life 20 years ago when he 12 stepped me and took me to my very first a a meeting, which was the most bizarre thing in the world for me. And and then seven years later, he would save my life again when I was dying of untreated alcoholism, sitting in the rooms of of Alcoholics Anonymous, just simply dying. And Chris recognized it for what it is when I would call him and say, by now he's moved to the Hill Country and, and, and, but when I

to him, he'd go, Gee, she just, you just send a fruitcake. You sound terrible. And it, it was, it was, it was true. And I was simply dying. And, and we'll talk a little bit about that because I want you to get a kind of an understanding. It's a funny thing. Chris struggled mightily to get here. And once I got here, I loved it immediately. I didn't have any trouble staying. I just for a while until things got really strange in a A and a lot of this stuff was my fault. I, you know, there was a time when I used to say it was all a as fault, that I was having such a hard time, but it wasn't.

It was just a lot of the stuff that I decided I wasn't going to do that I probably should have done and that caused some problems.

My Home group is in Dallas, TX, the primary purpose group of Dallas, TX. And it's just sort of a bunch of big, old, big old, you know, on a, on a Tuesday night, there'll be 200 of us there studying the big book. We have no discussion meetings. We have no, frankly, I don't give a rats what your day was like. It was simply we're just there to study the literature. And it's an amazing thing to watch 200 people all study in the literature at one place and at one time.

There is a sense of power and of unity in the room that you just have to witness. You just have to see it. It's a it's a cool deal.

I got. I got to tell you that the Peter and Simon came to Dallas. I guess it was last year or the year before. I can't get it confused. I guess it was last year and and and after the meeting, this is their first Tuesday night meeting. When they're when they're there and after the meeting they were they're just kind of standing there looking around. They look like they've been bit slapped. They just kind of like they just kind of,

that's a Peter, what's up?

He said. Huh, I've never seen anything like this. And I said, I know I feel the same way every time I'm here. Every meeting I feel the same. So it's a cool deal.

I did grow up in an alcoholic foam home. My my dad was a drunk and and the evil twin. Chris was my go to guy. Chris was my guy. Every one of you guys got one of these. Chris was my guy that I always looked at. I go.

If I drink like him, I'll quit, but I'm good to go until I get that bad.

You see, he was always my sort of barometer of the deal. Oh my God,

little, little did I know what that what was what was head in this direction and in my life as a drunk, it's fairly pathetic. It's it's not flowery and it's not there's not a lot of drama in it, except that I just became more and more withdrawn more and more at the end of my drinking, my world is my garage or my kitchen. I'm just either I'm in there cooking or trying to cook something or I'm out in the garage hiding out trying to find something to drink. I can't go anywhere sober. I can't do anything sober. I can't.

You can just imagine Chris moved in and so we've got we've got two active alcoholic in the house and my wife,

it's at work still trying to hold our business together and in this little 3 year old daughter. It was just a if you can imagine he said, come home, put her in front of the TV set. We go in the kitchen, get drunk, figure out how to solve all the world's problems. And there it would be day after day after day. Chris introduces me to the joys of outside issues, if you catch my drift. And things sort of speed up and and it just it just kind of was wheels off in no time at all. I mean, I went from being functioning alcoholic fairly holding it together. The fact that I stink like a pig and I and I,

I couldn't work past 1:00 in the afternoon. Let's decide the point.

If it hadn't been for my wife and her ability to run that business better than we'd have lost it. We'd have lost everything. You see,

not much has changed today. She still she still holds it together. The

So imagine, if you will, I think you've seen me in this coat. It's sharp. It's gone. I just can't. I just can't do this.

I'll have me in that coat soaking with so so imagine if you will I finally, it finally gets ugly enough. Chris sobers up in November of 87 and I sobered up two months later and

it's like

they talk about this thing being a program of attraction rather than promotion. And Chris and to those two months never promoted anything. He never said you need this. He never said, why don't you come to a meeting with me? He never said what he did was he lived a sober life as an alcoholic who was on a path to recovery doing what he was supposed to do. And buddy, it was an amazing he could have he could have stuck neon signs in his butt and walked around my house and not been more obvious. It was like,

Oh my gosh,

who is this? Who is this guy?

He's getting up early in the morning. He's going to work at this bindery, which is a physical job. It's a hard job. And he's doing that all day long. And then he's going to a meeting at 6:30 and then he's doing his AA stuff. And then he I'll be Dang if most nights he doesn't come back to work, hits a couple hours at work at night and goes home and just he's doing the things that we're supposed to do And I'm still just loaded like a big dog. So we're down there one night and I'm lurking back in the shadows like some pervert and, and,

and he's over there working

and I'm just watching him work. And it had such a profound effect on me that here was this fruitcake, here was this knife throwing maniac of a man.

I've cleaned it up. So it was just

any sober and doing what he's supposed to do. And I remember going home that night. My wife was there and I said, yeah, I don't know. I don't know who that was down there tonight, but it's not the brother that I remember. But if there's any way that I can stop, I'm going to go tomorrow. And he did. He was a Friday and he took me to my first a a meeting. And it was the coolest thing in the world, just the coolest. And I and I walked in and fell in love with it immediately. This big old long shotgun room all full of smoke and people and, and it was just,

it was great

and it stayed great for a good bit of time.

And it's an interesting thing.

I am proof positive that just showing up may keep you clear of the booze and the other stuff for a little while. You can, I've seen people do it. I did it. It's like, it's like people say, well, you make it sound like everything we're doing today is bad. I said, no, I'm not. The problem I run into is that the stuff that we do in a, A sometimes has no longevity to it because at some point in time, spiritually, we begin to get sick again. The stuff that Chris was talking about. And that's what began to happen at about three years sober.

I'm not really, I have a sponsor, but there's a friend and we're not really doing any step type stuff. You know the deal. We're just buddies. We just hang together and, and so I'm not getting any better really. I'm not, I'm not drinking. But the weird part about this stuff is that if you can imagine, if you can imagine how, how devastating it is to be three years from your last drink and all of a sudden I'm starting to kind of be irritated with everybody. I I,

OK, I'll tell you the truth. I hated your guts. I didn't, I didn't like you and I didn't like the people sitting in the meeting. I'm, I'm starting to, I'm starting to spend more money than I make. I'm getting fast with a checkbook. Everybody, every woman seems to be prettier every you see what I'm saying? It's just this kind of weird goofiness. I'm starting to get real physical. I'm starting to push my kid around. I'm starting to, I'm starting, we've had another baby by then and I and I'm just, I'm just not comfortable in my own skin and I'm writing it off too well. I'm just working too much or I'm just doing this. I

1000 reasons why I'm why I'm goofy

and I'm thinking recognizing it is enough. I'll be OK. I'll be able to just simply not do it. So I give me some self help books and I get me a bunch of other stuff and I'm just,

and it's getting worse and it's getting worse and I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going to a bunch of meetings and it's still worse. And I'm just, any of you guys ever leave an, a, a meeting feeling worse than you did when you got there? Yeah, most of us have. Most of us have. And then what a shame that that happens. And yet that was happening to me all the time. It almost every meeting I would leave angry at something and everything you said offended me. And it was just my spiritual condition was something that I just was not able to deal with emotionally. I'm coming apart at the scenes.

I'm getting real loud in meetings and stuff.

Never occurred to me that it might be a program that I'm missing thought never occurred to me because everybody that I'm sitting in these meetings with are telling me meeting makers make it. If you're having problems, you just need to go to some more meetings. And I heeded it and did it. And then I wonder why I'm so fearful. I'm so fearful because it's not working. I'm getting scared now because now I don't want to drink. Guys, it's not that I'm I'm starting to think about drink the drink again, but I don't want to drink. I honestly am done with the drink.

The weird thing got added into the deal that never was there before and all those years that I drank, I never thought about killing myself.

And now I'm 5-6 years sober and that's all I can think about is getting clear of this internal condition which is killing me. You see,

I can only imagine what my poor wife was going through. I can only imagine what my family, I mean, they must have been looking at me going like, what the heck is going on here? You're supposed to be getting better. You're supposed to be a spiritual giant going to all these meetings.

I'm not.

So Chris by now has moved and gone to the Hill Country and, and it's just wheels off in a short order. I got in some trouble and, and I just, I just, I couldn't keep my hands off other people. I'm getting real physical with them. I want to push them around a lot. I just kind of I'm getting real loud with people. You think I'm loud now. You should have seen me drunk. And I just so I'm in this situation where where I'm now almost seven years sober and and I can't stand anything in a A and so I started saying something at a meeting one night. I just was basically going to say goodbye

to everybody that I knew and I started talking to him and, and this guy interrupted me, a guy named Jim. I kill him today if I could find him. But he, I said, Gee, he said, I said, I got to, I got to get clear of this and, and it's killing me and I know I'm not going to make it, but I wanted to just say, and he interrupts me and he says, Myers, Myers, Myers, Myers. But, but I know, I know what you're saying and, and we all feel your pain, buddy. And then the, the, the trick always has been and always will be in the meeting. You're just simply not going to anymore Enough meetings.

I'm going to six meetings a week now, guys. I don't. How many meetings does it take to get clear of this feeling inside? How many?

We go out and sit in my old Toyota Land Cruisers parked out there on the road, and I just crawled in that seat of that Dang Land Cruiser and just put my head down on the steering wheel and I just wept like a kid. I just couldn't. What am I going to do? I don't want to drink, but if I don't do something, I'm going to die.

One night I almost did drink. It scared me to death. And I called Chris and I said, hey, I'm in real trouble. And it's like he goes, I've been telling you for years now to get clear of that group where you are. I see. I bought into the idea that if it's a circle and triangle on the door, God's in the room and everything is warm and fuzzy and the solution is there. And guys, I believe, truly believe that at one time that was true. But it's weird how it may not be that way here, but there are certain places in the States where it's gotten so convoluted and weird. And we're going to talk a little

about that in the media. Not to beat it up, but I just want you to know kind of where I'm coming from on it.

Some of that is just so strange what's going on? And so I just,

he says, I'm going to be in Dallas in a couple of days. Don't do anything stupid. I'm going to scoop you up. There's an old man there I want you to meet and we're supposed to see him. And I, and I bet you he's got a solution. And so true to his word, he's there. He and, and, and Mark H is with Chris and they go to this meeting and Chris calls me the next morning and he's like on fire. He's going, you ain't going to believe this old guy. You got to go meet this guy. And I went, well, Chris, you know, Chris, you know, I'm so busy right now

and I got all this stuff going on like this. I really, and Chris is just looking at the phone going, I don't, I don't believe this 48 hours ago. You're ready to kill yourself. You can't, you can't live like you're living. And you've already come up with an excuse why you can't go see this man who knows what to do

All right, I'll go see him. And I did and I went over there and you guys have heard these stories like that, but I just you have to picture this situation. I

how can I be so full of arrogance? I'm a dead man walking and I'm still making excuses why I can't do what this old guy says. So I opened the door and this is crusty old man standing there and he's got this little dog down there, yap yap yapping. And he's and he and he looks at me and he looks at my hands and he looks back at my face and he says, where's your big book? And I'm thinking that's the oddest thing. Anybody.

He didn't say. Hi. My name is Cliff Bishop. I love you and welcome. Welcome. He didn't say any of that stuff. He just said, where's your big boy?

I don't know, Sir.

And he handed me his book and he says, here, we'll use this today, but don't ever come back over here again without a big vote.

And there's a part of Maine that's going, I love this man. And there's a part of Maine that's going, I could break this old fart over my knee. I mean, I just, I, I'm so convoluted inside. There's this, there's this,

you guys know. So I go, we go sit in his living room and in 45 minutes he picks up the book and he tells me this stuff.

And I'm, it's like,

it's like, I don't understand. It's like he was talking French. I'm just going. We'll stop, stop, stop What? What did you just say? And he keep what? Wait, where is that? And I just don't know what he's talking about. It does not ring. It doesn't ring true because I've never heard this stuff.

If he had told me about his inability to deal with his employer, I would have been at home with what he's talking about. If we were going to talk about some inner child stuff, I would have been at home in the conversation. I could have added my two cents about his inner child. I could have. We had worlds to talk about. But he's talking about a spiritual set of principles that I knew little about other than just reading it off the wall. I didn't know what he was talking about.

I bet some of you have felt exactly the same way. I thought. I thought that he had the teachers edition Big book and I just had. I just had,

I just had the beginner edition, you see, And I kept looking over there at his book and I'd look back at mine and I'd look back over there like this.

He's got the same book I've got. It's just, he's just knows what he's talking about

and I'm so full of crap and I just keep wanting to, I keep interrupting him and I keep wanting to tell him what I know about a A and I keep finally he just goes Myers and he just shakes his head and he goes, he says, son, I just don't know what I can do to help you. You're not going to shut up and listen and and it's obvious you don't know what you're talking about. And I'm taking offense. I'm getting all bowed up and living in a man's living room. I'm the one dying. He's the one happy.

I mean, I, I, I used to think I was the only one with that kind of arrogance until I started sponsoring guys.

The world is full of arrogant little piss ants that know exactly what they're amazing. So they're beginning the journey and and it's like I'm standing as I'm saying goodbye to him. There's a part of me than saying so long old fart, I'll never see you again. And there's another part of me that's going I can't wait to get back in the same room with this old coot so I can learn some more about this book. He says we have a meeting on Thursday night. We want you to come and it's a haul from where this meeting is to where I live. I passed 5A a clubs to get to that meeting.

And so and so I do. And what transpires guys is a deal of about of about a ten week period of where every time I leave a meeting, we have two meetings a week and they're both big book studies. And every meeting I walk away going, I'm not believing this. I'm not believing what I learned tonight. And I call Chris, who's down in Kerrville, down in the Hill Country and I'll call him. I go, Hey, Chris, Chris, do you know how long it took Bill Wilson to work the work and, and, and I'm giving him all this stuff and Chris.

Could have laughed at me. He could have said yes, stupid. I've known that for a long time. But he didn't do any of that. He just went, Yep, I know,

isn't it pretty cool? And then Thursday night after the meeting, you know, on Friday morning, I call Chris again. I said, Chris, you're not going to believe this. Do you realize that we can actually recover from this stupid disease? I go, he go, no, get out of here.

Can we really and I would start this deal and it begins to kind of open up and things began to change and, and and we're going to talk about some of that stuff this this weekend. It's important

you guys ever hear of something called the oral tradition. The oral tradition is I'm going to say something to you and then you're going to say something to somebody else. And in families it's kind of fun because you know, some some old coot way up the lineage says something and he passes it down to an Ant and aunt pants it to somebody else. And you, that's how you get a lot of your history and stuff and it's a pretty cool deal. The trick is, is that when we're passing a message like How to recover,

it becomes a little trickier because we've spent years trying to improve the big book, you see.

So we got a clear cut set of directions, what, 70 years ago? And then we're going to spend the next 70 years trying to improve on what they did. We're farther along down the down the line. We're smarter. We've had all the science to involve. And so we we add a bunch of stuff. The trick is, is that most of us have gotten to a place where we don't know the truth from what's opinion.

And part of this weekend is the idea of going back and looking at what's truth

and what's opinion, what's just somebody's great idea that that may. And you know what, guys, in all of these years, I'm nobody ever gave me a piece of information that they meant as a piece of malice. Nobody ever said anything being mean. They didn't say, hey, when Meyer shows up, we're going to really screw that little bastard up. We're going to get him, OK? We're going to tell him this and then we're going to sit back and laugh.

They didn't do that. They shared a lot of opinion that came straight from the heart,

and they meant as much love as they could pour into it. The trick was is that a lot of the things that they gave me, I was too lazy to see if it was truth based on what the text said, you see.

And So what I, what I ended up with was a head full of a bunch of well, meeting opinion

that would later sort of turn and cut me to ribbons because it didn't have the power to cure my alcoholism. It had the power to make me look like a Studden A a it had the power to make me look like I knew what I was doing, but it didn't have the power to heal. And that was that was dangerous. It was like those old, those old

post office or whatever telephone those games, parlor games we used to play was the kids like this. And I'd start talking to Simon and Simon and whisper to Chris and Chris would whisper to this gentleman back over here. And by the time it got over here,

already changed a whole bunch. Remember, we used to think it was really funny. By the time it got back over there, it didn't bear any resemblance at all to the truth. And that's what's happened over the last, especially the last 35 or 40 years in a A because there's so many good ideas out there,

you see. But it's a funny thing. Most of us that have been sober for a little while, we can take it and we can see, oh, that sounds like rubbish because that's what it is. It was opinion, but it's still, it's still not our text, but the brand new guy. Have you ever stop and think what it's like to be brand new sober and walk in and sit in these meetings and hear some lady talking about how she stayed sober just doing yoga?

I love yoga. I'm not knocking a bit of it. I practiced it for years. But but the new guy is sitting there going, let's see, she practiced yoga. Let's see she got married and see he did this and he we all have different ways of getting there and we all want to share how we got there. And for the brand new guy, it's just flat confusing. And so it's no wonder that we've been, we began to pick up strange ideas. I want to read you something. I think you'll get a kick out of this.

Some of you won't, but some of you will.

This was an interesting deal. This is why I'm so empathetic. This is why I can relate to so many people who are in a, a, trying to do the best they can, but because of the nature of the meeting that they're in, they're not getting what they need to get. And I'm so empathetic with those guys. I, I, I love them to death because I know how hard it is to see the truth sometimes.

There was a cat named Bob Bacon who was a delegate in the United States who wrote us an article. It was actually a transcript of a talk that he had done at a big delicate meeting in in the States. This was written in 1976. And Bob's talk was pretty earth shattering because what he was doing, he was talking about things that we were talking about in a a that maybe we shouldn't be talking about.

Worse, the newcomer getting an accurate representation of what was in the literature.

And the premise of his talk was, is that we had strayed outside the lines and we'd gotten things goofy and people weren't recovering. He was looking at a broad spectrum of people coming and few people staying. Now that's been exacerbated. That's worse now than it was in 76. But it's interesting that he picked up on it to the extent that he thought that he had to do this talk in front of all these people. And one of the things that I found truly interesting in there was an excerpt. It was a quote from a talk that Doctor Bob had done.

So

Doctor Bob said this.

We hear a lot of ridiculous things, like there are no musts in AA. Now my big book read Different people say that it's an individual program, that we can take the steps any way we want to.

There is no such thing as an individual interpretation of the 12 steps.

OK,

Doctor Bob, one of the cofounders of Alcoholics Anonymous, just told us that there was no such thing as a personal interpretation of the 12 steps. He didn't say that our experiences were all going to be the same because, you know, they're not. Our experiences, once we have that experience, is are unique and different. And it's what makes this thing, the fabric of this thing, so cool.

But what I want you to do is remember what he just said. And I want you to listen to this. And I always

you guys have the Grapevine here, the little newsletter thing that comes out like that from NAA. This is the supposed to be the the meeting in print for Alcoholics Anonymous in the United States. And it said this was there a little statement that they made the awareness that every AA member has an individual way of working. The program permeates the pages of the Grapevine, and throughout its history, the magazine has been a forum for the varied and often divergent opinions of a as around the world.

OK, let me make sure that everybody understands what we did what this is the reason why this thing gets so wheels off, why we stay in so much trouble in a a land is that we have a co-founder telling us that there's no such thing as a personal interpretation of these spiritual principles, that they're made to be worked a certain way. And here's the Grapevine telling me that we can work it any way we want to and they're going to aid in it. They're going to help it by reporting every goofy,

bizarre idea that comes down the Pike. If you can put it in print, they print it

in the guise of being

what? I don't know.

We're not going to talk about it this weekend, but sometime when we have a chance to just sit down and talk, I want to tell you some stories of Chris and I dealing with people that love the Grapevine. I just it blows me away. They get the greatest opportunity in mankind to share and carry a message of recovery worldwide. And they feel the need to to explain and to broach every goofy idea that's out there. It's the craziest thing in the world. Instead of pulling everybody with a vision of what the big book told us, the beginning. It's just the craziest deal. So with that in mind, with that thought,

mine listen to this Bill Wilson.

Bill Wilson

by 1966.

Bill is is going crazy.

They've got the traditions that already been adopted. And remember in those days, there's no e-mail stuff going on. There's no everything that comes to bills coming either through the telephone or through a letter,

but everything's still coming through Bill. The good, the bad, and the ugly. If you're having trouble in a group, it still comes through Bill. If you're, if it's A, if it's a success story, Bill gets it. But what he's seeing, because he's there at the bottom part of the funnel, he's seeing everything that's coming in. And what he's caught off guard with is that everything in a A is changing. All of these people are coming in with all kinds of weird ideas, and it seems to be totally wheels off. There seems to be nothing guiding this set of spiritual principles.

And so he wrote a sitter series of articles and one of these articles was printed

and it's called Whose Responsibility? It's 3 short paragraphs. an A A group as such cannot take on all the personal problems of its members, let alone those of non Alcoholics in the world around us. The A A group is not, for example, a mediator of domestic relations, nor does it furnish personal financial aid to anyone.

OK guys, I'm going to let me break part of this down real quick. How many meetings have we set into where we tried to be a mediator in somebody's domestic problem in the meeting

1000 I bet I said in 10,000 meetings that were like that where we were just hoping somebody would share some somebody took a poke at hit somebody's wife and and we're going to spend the whole meeting trying to get this guy in line about how he needs to deal with this domestic problem. Maybe I don't hear, but we sure do it in Texas. Now, though a member, though a member may sometimes be helped in such matters by his friends in a A the primary responsibility for the solution of all of his problems of living and growing

rest squarely upon the individual himself. Now, should an A A group attempt this sort of help,

its effectiveness and energies would be hopelessly dissipated. He's seeing it, and here it is. The crux of it. This is why sobriety, freedom from alcohol through the teaching and practice of the 12 steps of is the sole purpose of the group. If we don't stick to this cardinal principle, we shall almost certainly collapse. And if we collapse, we cannot help anyone.

You see what I'm saying, guys? What Bill is seeing in this thing, he laid it out real clear. The teaching and practice of a age 12 steps is the sole purpose of the group. We're not there for any other reason. That came from Bill Wilson. We were there to teach what the Big Book said about the 12 steps. Gather the new guys up, help them do their stuff. This sort of thing

in the nature of the discussion meeting that we have today, guys, and I'm not knocking this stuff at all. There's not anybody in here, including me, that hadn't said in a nice warm and fuzzy discussion meeting and left feeling wonderful.

You have to, I know you have. But how many times have you left because things got wheeled off and wheels often? Nobody ever said anything. Most of us have you see,

I want to paint a fast picture. We're we're almost done. Guys, I know you're getting tired. Let me paint this, this picture of you and just I want you to just picture in your mind's eye of a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous that you set in before.

So you go to this meeting, you hear there's some guys there that have some solution and you go in and you find out that the chairperson of knowledgeable guy has a topic picked out. We're going to talk about step one.

I'm I'm, I'm, I'm hip. I'm excited. Guess what? There are two brand new guys, a man and a woman, brand new, sitting in the meeting. One's never been to a a before 1 relapsed after just a little piece and he's desperate for a solution.

This is getting good Chairman does a little share, does a little talk takes about 5 minutes and he knocks it out of the ballpark. It's he's dead on everybody in the room, there's thirty of us sitting there and everybody in the room slides forward in their chair. We're sitting right on the edge of the chair everybody's excited. The new little guy sitting there like this with his eyes kind of open it up, looking around, going,

holy cow, I think I might understand this thing. Everybody's excited. The next guy, this gal, she steps up like this. She does her little share, knocks it out of the ballpark. She's just so dead on with the step these little guys are getting. They're vibrating. They're so exciting, and everybody else in the room is excited. Everybody else feels the power of a loving God in the room. You can feel it moving

and then we have this little guy in the back. He's been sitting back there the whole meeting like this.

Hi, my name is Tim. Hi, Tim. Everybody knows what's coming because Tim doesn't work the steps. Tim doesn't know anything about the steps. Times been around for about 10 years

and Tim just had a divorce a year ago and that's all he wants to talk about.

So Tim goes. I know the topic is step one. I think.

See, he's not even listening,

but I really feel the need to share

about my divorce.

And guys, I'm telling you, you've been in the meeting. You'll watch 30 bucks go and slide back in that seat

and about 10 of them will put their head down on the table. Well, as you know what's coming Now listen, I'm not making light of Tim's predicament. I love Tim. I want the very best for Tim. If I was Tim's sponsor, we'd have a spank a thon after that meeting. We would and, and, and I would say, Tim, when you feel this way, you need to come see me as your sponsor. I understand you better than anybody in this room and you need to share that with me. And we're going to get you back in the literature and find you a solution to what's been kicking your butt because

think it's selfishness and self centeredness, but you will too tomorrow, I promise you. You see what I'm saying? Like this guys, And this is this is the interesting thing. So when I first got the primary purpose group from this other group, I was so used to that kind of stuff. We're going to spend a great deal of time trying to fix external circumstances. Your divorce, your new relationship, your new job, your we're going to try working on those external stuff to stay sober. And we're going to ignore this program of action called the 12 steps that

guaranteed our happiness. This is what we ignore. That's reason why we have so many people coming and so many people becoming disgruntled and dissatisfied with the meetings that they set into because it is. We've painted it as a therapy session to try to help you with your day. But that's not what our literature said. That's not what my experience bears out, but that's where it is nonetheless. Again, it may not be like that here, but in Texas and in most of the places that I've traveled, a A has gotten so wheels off, guys. It's just,

there are places in Texas where they will not even let you carry a big book into a meeting. If they see you walking out of your car, they'll say they'll stand out in the parking lot and they say, what's that? And you go, it's a big book and you go, you can't bring it in. We don't use the big book in this meeting. It's an A a meeting, but they're not going to use the big book. OK,

You should have been there the night they told me to put my big book back. He said what's that? I said it's a big book and he said you can't. I said watch me Dick and I walked in.

It wasn't. That wasn't very spiritual.

And now the taping world is going to know that you aren't either.

It's like there are places in the States where they're charging money to hear fish steps. Charging money to hear fish steps. Yeah. Somebody asked me one time, said, well, I don't understand how that works. How much do they charge? And the answer as it was laid out to me, what? How good a fifth step do you want?

You see what I'm saying? You give me, do you see why I get so goofy about the idea? It's like, it's like we want desperately for this fellowship to stay strong so that we can all be here and recover. And yet out of love and tolerance, we're going to let Tim share and ruin a good meeting. We're going to let these these people do crazy goofy things in the eyes of love and tolerance. And I understand that. But I I just think that the question that always rises to the surface of my consciousness when I think about that

story about Tim and that meeting that night is this thing. Where is it? Where is it that Tim's right to destroy a meeting was greater than those two new people to hear the truth about our precious program? Where did that happen? You see,

it's time as a fellowship that we simply grew some bigger

backbone